PREVIOUSLY

Todd touched the glass of the window one last time before heading upstairs to wake Starr. Stopping by his bedroom, his heart twisted as his eyes fell on the bed he wanted so badly to share with her….

"Todd…"

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(Author's Note: This segment features a great deal on the situation as seen through a child's eyes…unfortunately, a route too often ignored when it comes to a situation such as this. I'm sorry that this segment is not as Todd and Tea heavy as I would have liked, but I felt our little Starr needed a voice in this too! ~m&m gal)

Starr Manning opened her eyes as the early morning sunlight began to cover her bed in a blanket of light. She kicked her feet in an effort to free herself from the confines of her soft comforter.

"Darn…" she uttered out loud, and then she giggled as the button eyes of her favorite rabbit took on a questioning gaze.

"Daddy tucked me in last night," she explained to Mr. Rabbit, as a mother would explain to a confused child. "Daddy tells better stories, but Tee is MUCH better at tucking in. Daddy does it so tight that I can hardly breathe."

"You're sleeping…what do you need to breathe for, anyway?" Todd asked as he slowly snuck up on her and sauntered into the room. He forced a smile for her, and since he feared his smile was rarely convincing enough, he wiggled his eyebrows in the way that made her laugh. He had stood outside her door, listening to the innocence of her conversation, and he had vowed that he would shield her from the darkness of his mood and the depth of his pain to the best of his ability. He knew that she would be hurt, too, when she discovered that "Tee" wasn't around to share the morning with her.

"Daaaaaaaddddy!" She groaned at his teasing, and then grinned happily at him. She shot him a triumphant look as she finally managed to shake free of her blankets. For a second, her Cheshire Cat grin turned her into a miniature version of Blair, and yet the notion was overpowered by the strong element of childhood innocence.

"Uh uh….nope. I don't think so, Shorty!" He grabbed her up in his arms in a flash as she tried to dodge past him, and he put her back in the bed and wrapped her tight in the blankets.

"Oh look! I made a kid in a blanket!"

Laughing uncontrollably, she squealed, "Nooooo Daddy, it's PIG in a blanket!" Sometimes fathers could be so silly!

"Look, kid, when you start to oink and grow a wiggly tail, then you'll have it right. Until then, it's like that old show….er…Father Knows Best."

Starr looked quizzical.

"Doesn't Judith ever let you watch old boring TV?"

"I like playing with Tee better."

At the mention of Starr's pet name for Tea, Todd's heart twisted within his chest.

Starr, sensing some slight change in her father, reached out from the confines of the blanket and grabbed him in a tight hug.

"I love you Daddy." Sometimes she sensed that Daddy needed to be reminded.

Unable to find any words, he squeezed her back.

"Squishing! Squishing!!!" she cried with a smile.

"Oh God, Starr, I'm sorry…"

"Daddy? What's wrong?"

"Nothing Shorty…look…we better go down and get some breakfast in you…if you are that squish-able we have to toughen you up. Oatmeal? Naaaaah. GRUEL!"

Starr opened her eyes wide. Then she sprang from the bed with a giggle and she ran out into the hallway.

"TEEEEEE! Help! Daddy is trying to feed me Gouls for breakfast! Teeeeee! Teeeeee? "

Todd could only stand there as her voice became more questioning, more tentative by the second. He was at a loss for what to do…how to tell her that because of his nature, he'd had to send away the best thing that had ever happened to either one of them.

Starr appeared back in the doorway, childhood innocence replaced by confusion and anxious fear.

"Daddy? Where is Tee? She never, ever leaves for the court place without telling me goodbye. And usually, she eats breakfast with me and let's me dunk part of her donut in the coffee first…."

"Yeah," he smiled at the vision that he often watched from the secrecy of the doorway. "Shorty, listen to me….about Tea?…"

Suddenly, Starr's eyes took on a delighted twinkle…

"Wait! Don’t tell me…I get it! Tee is sooo funny Daddy, like you. And she's reaaaaal good at hide and seek. That's it…she's hiding!" Proud of herself for figuring out the game, she ignored Todd's attempts to stop her as she spun out of his gentle hold and ran down the stairs, with enough noise to imitate a small stampede.

"Starr! Wait! No!" He followed her and reached the living room in time to see Starr running from corner to corner, searching for her stepmother with a look of pure joy on her face.

"Tee! Tee? Olly Olly Oxen Freeeeeee! "

"Starr, Tea's not here…she left…."

Starr snapped to attention and stared at her father, suddenly seeing, even with a child's eyes, the incredible sadness that was etched in his face.

No…not again…no…Her six year old brain whispered. First Mommy, now Tee…no!

"Tee!!! Come out! I don’t wanna play anymore!"

"Shorty…"

"No!" She yelled at him, stamping her foot for emphasis. "Tee isn't gone. She's not! She's just hiding…she's just hiding!!" The crack in her voice tore what was left of his heart to shreds.

"Listen to me, kid, okay? Look…I'm sorry. This is kind of hard for me to explain. Things just weren't working out…"

"They were too working out!" She yelled back, a flash in her young eyes.

Todd kneeled down in front of her to look deeply into her face, and he gently held her by the shoulders.

"Tea is gone. And I can't bring her back…"

"Yes you can!" she yelled, "You're my Daddy, you can do anything!" His eyes began to shine with tears he couldn't shed in front of her.

"I'm sorry Starr. Not this time. Tea had to go. She had to leave us. For her own good, she had to go. I am very, very sorry, kid."

"No…" Her eyes flooded with tears and her face began to wrinkle. Her lower lip trembling, she pulled away from Todd, ran upstairs and slammed her bedroom door.

Just then, Judith walked in. "Mr. Manning? Is everything okay?"

"No, it's not," he mumbled.

"Should I get Mrs. Manning? Your wife has a way of calming her down…"

"Mrs. Manning isn't here….Mrs. Manning is gone…." His voice was barely a whisper, and Judith walked slowly into the other room to give him some privacy.

His heart twisting painfully in his chest, he had no idea what to do next. He stood in the center of the room, wondering wht Tea would do. The thought of her brought a pain that surged so powerfully that he could hardly catch his breath.

"Tea…" he said her name as if it were a prayer, and he could hardly recognize his own voice so full of need and love for another human being. His thoughts finished his sentiment….

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Of anyplace in the world she had ever been, Angel Square usually wrapped It's arms around her when she needed a place to run to. This morning, however, she hardly noticed any of the sights, the sounds, or the smells that brought to her the usual sense of comfort she found in its streets. She continued to walk endlessly…aimlessly….and often in circles…

"Lost…" she whispered to no one in particular. The single word seemed to hang in the air and filled her with only fear and emptiness…

"I don't love you…" She kept hearing his words again and again in her mind…"I bought you Tea…I bought you…and now I don't need you anymore…" It was like a broken record she couldn’t turn off.

Tea held the three reminders from the old proprietor close to her heart and gently caressed the soft petals and took in their scent in an effort to bring herself back to ground zero. She didn't know if she could ever be grounded again. Like a distant reminder from the past, she remembered her father's words to her one night…

He had taken her by the shoulders…she having just awoken from a nightmare in which she felt the very same sensations of fear and loss, and she had been crying out for her mother….and he had begun to shake her, a bit roughly.

"Stop it child. Fear is for the weak. Fear is what took hold of your mother. And she was weak. She ran. Fear cannot control you, Tea…Tears are born of fear. Crying gets you nowhere…you must be better than your mother, or this world will consume you."

The words, in their harsh judgment of her mother, had stung her as a child, and they had made her steel herself from that day on in front of her father. Now, she used them as fuel in an attempt to pull herself together.

"Tough as Nails, Tea. You can't break now…"

Looking up, she found herself alone with the Statue of Angel Square's Guardian Angel. She became drawn to the serene expression on Her face and the gentle beckoning of her outstretched arms.

For a single moment, she was faced with a strong sense of her mother, reaching across time and the gateway between Heaven and Earth to ease her pain.

Tea touched the cool palm of her stone hand, and then she clasped it in a silent prayer…

Gently, she removed a petal from each of the roses she held in her hand, and she left them in Her hand as a silent plea to help her do what was right for Todd, for Starr, and for herself, in the name of love.

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"Starr? Starr…let me in okay?" Todd ran a hand through his hair, feeling helpless and worried as he lightly tapped on his daughter's door for the third time. He was kidding himself by trying to minimalize the bond that Starr had formed with Tea in the past two years.

"I'm sorry Shorty." His voice was just barely a whisper. "I'm sorry I sent another Mother away…" His voice was too low for her to hear, but he heard the definitive click of the lock as she disengaged it. It had seemed like an eternity. He took a deep breath, and went in.

Starr had scrambled into her rocking chair, and she was holding hr rabbit in a tight grip. As he walked towards her, she fixed a pair of wide red rimmed eyes on him, still bright with unshed tears.

Todd crouched down in front of her and took one of her small hands in both of his.

"Hey kiddo…can we talk about this? Look, I know you are going to miss Tea…I miss her too…already…you know? Daddy isn't real good with words, Starr. But look…I'm still here… and I'm not going anywhere, okay? Cause I love you…you know that, right?"

"Daddy, I don't understand. I thought that Tee loved us. How could she just go away? And how do I know that you won't just go away too? She didn't even say goodbye. " Her voice filled with the pain and confusion of trying to understand why and how her safe world could have changed so dramatically overnight.

"Starr, you have to understand. This has nothing to do with you, okay? Tea loves you, very much, and you didn't do anything wrong."

Starr looked skeptical.

"Remember when Daddy and Mommy split up? Just because Mommy doesn't live here anymore doesn't mean she doesn't love you, and it is the same with Tea…"

He studied her carefully, to see if his words were sinking in. She continued to look so heartbroken, he was beside himself.

"Do you love Tee, Daddy?" she asked, with a shuddering breath.

He answered her without a moment's hesitation. There was always total honesty between him and his daughter.

"Very much Shorty…Always."

"Then why did she go away?" A single tear slipped down her cheek, and he reached out and caught it on one finger.

"Sometimes, if you love someone, even if it is a whole lot, you have to let them go, even if it hurts…" He watched her face scrunch up in total confusion.

"I don't get it. I think if you love someone you should always want to be with them…to love them, and give them hugs, and make sure that they never, ever get afraid."

"I don't think I get it either, do you know that? Looks like you and me both are in for a long and boring lecture from your Aunt Viki on the subject, because she gets it." He shrugged his shoulders, and she shrugged back.

"Listen, Shorty….I got a plan. How about you forget about school and I forget about work, just for today, and we go to the Park or something. They say little kids need fresh air and stuff."

He was hoping that the words "No School" would instantaneously return the color to her cheeks and the shine to her eyes.

She sighed, and then in a familiar show of resolve, she threw her shoulders back and stuck out her chin, with a smile that never quite reached her eyes.

"Yes Daddy, let's go to the Park. I'd like that."

Todd couldn't quite read her, but any smile at all was slight consolation. He went downstairs to give Judith the day off, leaving Starr to change.

Starr watched her father's retreating back and wiped at several additional tears that had worked their way down her cheeks. Bunny looked at her again, this time, his button eyes solemn.

"Daddy is playing hide and seek with his feelings again, Mr. Bunny. Problem is, he's not very good at it." She sighed deeply. " Daddy is very, very sad, but he thinks I don't know since I'm just a kid." She struggled to brush her hair with an ache in her stomach where she thought her heart must be, as she realized how much she loved it when Tee brushed the knots out for her in the morning. She always made sure that it didn't ever hurt, and when she had extra time, she would even french braid it and wrap it with one of those gold ribbons which made Sara Henderson's face turn purple with jealousy. She HATED Sara Henderson. Tee knew this. She told Tee a lot of things. Things that Daddies wouldn't get. She had been looking forward to telling her Tee on the day that she married Daddy at what he called, the Official Wedding, that there was no one else she would rather have as her "Bonus Mom" than her.

"Now she's not anything. She's just gone, and she didn't even say goodbye. Just left me and Daddy here to be sad and to miss her and she doesn't even care!" Her six year old heart breaking, she turned the pictures of herself with Tea's arms holding her, and the one next to it that Daddy took where they were on the swings, and made them face the wall.

"I hope I never see her ever again!!" She picked up her rabbit and cried secret tears into his soft, white fur.