Susannah looked around the room. The full impact of this patient's illness on his family was obvious to everyone. The devastation was apparent. Susannah had to make sure to explain to all of them that Todd feeling a seizure coming on was a good thing and so was Brina and Angel coming out. Susannah hoped it meant that Todd was getting closer to dealing with the sexual issues that so greatly contributed to his illness and to his not being able to be the kind of husband to Téa that he so desperately wanted to be. She wanted to tell them all, especially Téa, that they should feel encouraged. Right now all they could do was wait for Todd's latest seizure to stop.

*****

Todd seized for three minutes and twenty seconds and then it was over. The bite to his tongue wasn't serious. "It will be sore for a couple of days. No real damage was done," Susannah assured them. Susannah gave them orders to clean him up and put him in a gown.

They did a defusing on the physical restraint. Everyone knew it was necessary. Angel had escalated quickly. She was in danger of hurting herself and beyond being helped by de-escalation techniques.

Susannah addressed Todd's family. "I know you are all very upset by what just happened here."

"Yeah, Susannah. We are! What the Hell is going on with Angel? I mean I know she thinks she's a girl, but does her coming on mean that Todd is . . . I-I mean . . . damn it! You know what I mean. He was all over Sam and me." Kevin was so upset he could hardly get these words out.

Susannah knew it would be difficult for them to understand. She realized that Sam and Kevin felt violated. "If you're asking do I believe this incident means that Todd has homosexual feelings for you and Sam, no I don't." Susannah could see that both Kevin and Sam looked visibly relieved.

"Doctor Hanen, what does it mean? Angel seemed to be trying to make Sam jealous." Téa gave them her take on the situation.

"Yes, she was," Susannah agreed. She explained. "Angel felt completely rejected by Sam. She sees him as a father figure. She was relating to him in the only way she knows how to relate to a father, sexually."

"Oh God," Sam mumbled.

"Honey, I understand how you felt," Viki rubbed Sam's arm.

"No. I don't think you do." Sam quietly stated. He looked away from Viki. "I failed Todd, again! He knew how I was feeling toward him. He had no idea why. He didn't do anything, as he said, but he was the one I didn't want to touch."

"Sam, Kevin," Susannah began. "I understand Todd touching you both, sexually, made you very uncomfortable. If you like, I can meet with each of you individually and we can talk about it. Right now I you need to understand that Angel did not really want to have sex with either of you. She wanted love. To her that is how you get someone to love you. You heard what she said."

"You mean about knowing how to make her daddy happy? Oh God, I know what that feels like." They all heard the pain in Viki's voice. She totally and completely identified with this young girl.

"Yes," Susannah confirmed. "She also said 'I'm a girl. It's okay for a girl.' I suspect Todd may have had a dream that made him feel the same disgust Sam and Kevin felt. It made him feel confused about his body's reaction to being sexually abused by his father. Angel may have come about when Todd felt this same confusion as an adolescent. The older he got the more confused he became about his sexuality and sex. Any abuse that caused him to experience pleasure, and perhaps even orgasm, also caused extreme feelings of shame, disgust, guilt, self-hatred, and fear. He not only felt fear of his father, but also immense fear of his own body. He most likely felt his body was betraying him by reacting to being stimulated by Peter. This was not only because Peter was his parent, but also because he was a man. Todd may have confused his body's natural reaction to being stimulated with having a sexual preference."

Both Kevin and Sam felt guilt for what they had thought. If they wondered about Todd having homosexual feelings for them after this one incident, they could only imagine how Todd must have felt after years of mixed and confused sexual feelings.

Susannah continued. "Todd's father forced sexual acts on him when he was little more than a baby. It is possible that there is an alter even younger than Timmy who was sexually abused. Todd's sexual development was never allowed to progress at a normal pace. He also witnessed sexual acts that were completely inappropriate for his age. When Todd was very little he may have thought all fathers did this to their children and to their wives. He had no reference to tell him otherwise. As he matured, there was a part of him that realized this didn't happen to everyone. Now keep in mind there was also the part of him that wanted his father's affection and love, at any price. He needed Angel because he may have thought that it was all right for a girl to feel these things with a man, even if that man is her father. He needed her to be a seductress, not of sex, but of love, love in the only way Peter ever showed it. In some ways, Angel is very much like Andy."

"She thinks she has to offer herself to the father figures in her life to make them love her," Téa interjected.

"Yes. She feels like her body is only there to be used for her father's pleasure. She believes it belongs to him and not her," Viki stated. She sounded more like she was talking to herself.

Sam took her hand. "I'm sorry. Viki, I'm so sorry. Oh, God." Sam's voice broke. A tear slipped down his cheek.

Kevin's heart broke for his mother. He hated his grandfather and Peter Manning with every cell in his body.

"I'm afraid Angel feels exactly as Viki stated. I suspect she believes that her body is not her own to do with as she pleases. She feels it is there to gratify Peter or anyone she sees as a father figure. She feels that it is her job to give them pleasure. Then, if she does her job well, she deserves love. She may also feel some control over her body when she does do a good job. Peter took all control over their bodies away from them. That she can use her body to make her father feel good, may give her some sense of control."

Viki's fingernails dug into her palms. She remembered confessing to Susannah that she too may have felt some control in her father wanting her. "Umm," Viki, made a small sound and then said, "Angel may have felt she had one thing that her father wanted and that was the one and only thing she was good for . . . her body."

"Viki, maybe this is too hard for you?" Sam asked. He was worried that too many memories were flooding Viki.

"Maybe Sam's right, Mom? Maybe we should stop talking about this right now?" Kevin was worried about his mom.

"No! I won't turn my back on what was done to Todd. I'm able to face what happened to me. It will never be easy to discuss. It will never be easy for Todd. I can cope with it now and someday so will my brother." Viki turned to Téa. "He will. I know it doesn't seem possible now, but he will. Todd is stronger than all of us put together. I know it, Téa. I know it." Viki started to cry.

Téa rushed over to Viki. She put her arms around her. She hugged her tightly for a few seconds. Téa knelt in front of Viki and held her hands. "Viki, don't you know that you are so much of the reason I do have faith and believe that I can have my husband back? I see so much of you in Todd. I think a part of him knows it too. I think your strength is his encouragement. Your father may not have done many good things in his life, but being responsible, even if only in the biological sense, for bringing you and your brother together is one of them. I think you and Todd give each other strength when you both need it the most. I know someday Todd will understand that."

Viki looked into Téa's eyes. She stroked her cheek. "Todd has been there for me and given me strength and in some ways he and the alters are still doing it. I think my brother has done the same for you and that's why you can understand this."

Téa nodded. "He has, Viki. I just hope I can get him to realize that, too, someday."

"Did I ever tell you how lucky Todd is to have you in his life?" Viki asked. She smiled at the young woman who knelt in front of her.

"In many, many ways," Téa smiled back. She stood up and rubbed Viki's arm and returned to her seat.

The things Téa said were not lost on Kevin. He had no doubts or misconceptions about Téa's love for Todd. It was all encompassing. He remembered what he had said to Todd as he slept. I was right, Todd. You have a lot to get well for, Kevin thought. Kevin realized he felt no jealousy for Todd when he thought this. He was happy for him. If anyone deserved to be loved that way, it was Todd. He knew that both Todd and Téa were broken, as children, and somehow they fixed each other. That was something he could never share with her. Kevin also realized that he should consider himself lucky that no one had ever abused or abandon him.

"How do we react if Angel comes out and acts the same way again?" Kevin asked.

"You try to stay calm and let her know, clearly and firmly, that it is not okay to touch you, sexually, in any way," Susannah instructed.

"What if she just wants to kiss us the way some of the younger children do?" Sam asked.

"That's fine. We don't want her to become afraid to show affection to family. Just make sure you let her know that any sexual behavior directed toward you makes you uncomfortable and is inappropriate behavior. Tell her it's not okay. You set the limits on expected behavior. Reiterate your role in her life. You are her friend. You can encourage her to talk about what she is feeling when she wants to touch you in a sexual way." Susannah anticipated their response to the last thing she said.

"Susannah, I don't know if I feel comfortable talking to her about that?" Kevin spoke up first.

"I feel that way too. What if I react badly or say the wrong thing? Todd and all of them are so messed up sexually," Sam added.

"Yes, they are. However, if you're honest and try to remember the reasons for the behavior you will do all right." Susannah did not want them to start becoming uncomfortable around Todd or any of the alters because of this. "Just make sure you set boundaries. Don't be afraid to be honest with Angel and tell her how you are feeling. Angel may be testing you to see if you can love her without sexually abusing her, or she may want to be the one who is in control of any sexual behavior that she thinks will be demanded of her. I have to have more sessions with her before I can make a definitive diagnosis or know the answers to those questions."

Sam and Kevin seemed to accept that for now.

"Why do you think it took until now for Brina and Angel to come out?" Téa asked.

"Thoughts of sex and sexuality may be coming closer to the surface for Todd. Angel and Brina did not come forward randomly," Susannah continued to explain.

"Brina is the complete opposite of her sister. She seemed so timid. Why is she so obsessed with washing her hands and with germs?" Sam inquired.

Susannah sighed. She knew that OCD could be difficult to treat. "Brina seems to have an obsessive-compulsive disorder. Most likely she is having persistent and recurring intrusive thoughts and images that she has no control over. In order to gain some relief from these, she is engaging in these repetitive behaviors. The hand washing and preoccupation with germs helps to reduce the anxiety these thoughts and impulses cause," Susannah informed them.

"Do you believe these are sexual thoughts?" Viki asked Susannah.

"Yes, I do. I believe both Brina and Angel were created to deal with the growing awareness and confusion Todd had of sexual issues as he went into adolescence. Anxiety-producing, unacceptable thoughts or feelings Brina may have are kept out of awareness by the opposite feelings or ideas."

"Then Brina may be replacing thoughts that she considers dirty with obsessive thoughts of being clean," Téa stated.

"Yes, exactly," Susannah confirmed.

"And all the steps she takes to prevent germs, dirt and filth, as she calls it, help her to cancel out these unacceptable thoughts that she considers dirty?" Sam tried to understand. He wanted to get a clear picture of what was going on with this young girl.

"Yes, they do, temporarily," Susannah replied.

"How do you treat this? How can you get these thoughts out of her head?" Kevin inquired.

"We don't. We get her to talk about them. Right now she may not be aware of any sexual thoughts. They've been replaced with fears of dying and contamination. It is possible Brina also suffers from hypochondriasis or somatization disorder. Either of those could cause her preoccupation with illness and fear that she is dying or has contracted a disease. Again, these disorders can be caused by any number of things . . . emotional conflict . . . unmet dependency needs . . . ineffective individual coping . . . self-esteem disturbance . . . altered sexuality patterns . . . powerlessness. It is possible that when Todd became physically ill . . . colds . . . flu . . . childhood illnesses and such, Peter left him alone for a few days and became the caregiver instead of the sexual abuser, although I honestly don't imagine he was much of a caregiver. Perhaps Peter feared illness and didn't come near Todd as much when he was sick. Who knows?" Susannah speculated.

"Is there a specific treatment plan for OCD?" Viki asked.

Susannah nodded. "Yes there is. Actually, in some cases SSRIs, like Zoloft, have been found to be beneficial with OCD. I will be starting Todd on that day after tomorrow. Also cognitive-behavioral therapy, CBT, may be up to eighty to ninety percent effective in treating obsessive-compulsive disorder. There are basically two parts to it. Exposure, which is exposing Brina to the things she is afraid of. In her case it would be touching something she considers contaminated or allowing herself to be touched. Then there is Response or Ritual Prevention. That would be keeping her from washing her hands and other compulsive behaviors."

"You say these usually help?" Sam was looking for some hope and reassurance.

"Yes, but it doesn't happen overnight and there is often recurrence. Some patients are what we call Treatment-Refractory Patients. No matter what we try it doesn't reduce the behaviors. That doesn't usually happen. I need you to be aware of the possibility. We also have to keep in mind that Brina is much more fragile than the average child with OCD is. The issues she has to deal with are very traumatic. We have to take things slowly." Susannah didn't want to seem pessimistic. Still, she knew she had to level with them.

Susannah continued, "Brina also seems to have poor insight into her obsessions and compulsions. Often, adults, and even some children with OCD, know their behavior isn't normal. They realize their fears are irrational, even if they can't stop them and need to act on them. They understand the ritualistic behaviors are also abnormal but can't stop them. Brina doesn't seem to have that insight. She seems to believe the world will contaminate her and sees her behavior as a rational response to what she believes. She is more delusional in her thinking. We don't know how often she or Angel will be out. Whenever they next come out, I would like to try CBT with Brina. I will have to have some sessions with Angel and help her to understand that it is not okay to touch anyone, sexually, who doesn't want to be touched. I have to find out what her perceptions of sex are. For Angel, and all of them, sex is confused with violence, love, rage, being cared for, revenge, attention . . . all of their perceptions became distorted. Most of the alters, and Todd, have their own perceptions, mostly negative, when it comes to issues with sex. Those all have to be worked through. They all have to go through some of the normal sexual developmental stages that were stolen from them the first time around. We have to reeducate them. Unlearning what Peter and Barbara's actions taught them will be the most difficult part for them."

Téa sighed, "Poor Todd. He never had a chance, not from the day those people got a hold of him. How could Barbara Manning have brought another child into that house? She knew what Peter was. She saw how he treated the baby girl they adopted. How could Irene have let Todd go, no matter what Victor did or threatened her with? Damn them! Damn all of them!"

Sam put his arm around Téa's shoulders. He felt exactly the same way. Viki was about to tell Téa she felt the same way when she felt perspiration break out on her forehead and spread throughout her body. Her clothes started to cling to her damp skin. Her heart started to pound rapidly. She felt as if she couldn't get a deep breath. Her chest was tight and painful. Her hands began to tingle. She felt lightheaded. Viki had enough panic attacks in her life to recognize one. They all began to notice her condition.

"Viki, come on. Let's sit over here," Susannah pointed to the lounge and walked Viki to it. "Slow down your breathing," Susannah instructed slowly and calmly.

"I know, I'm trying," Viki managed to get out. Viki tried to utilize every coping skill she had ever learned. She applied every relaxation technique as well. Finally she began to breathe more evenly. Her sweating eased, as did the tightness in her chest. The feeling began to come back to her fingers. She became aware of all the frightened and worried faces around her. "I'm fine. I had an anxiety attack. I've had them before. I'm fine!" she repeated. She was feeling intensely embarrassed.

"Viki, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gone on like that about Todd's birth mother," Téa apologized. She felt responsible for what had just happened.

"Téa, don't! I agree 100 percent with every word you said and you can damn my father right along with the rest of them. No matter how you look at it, it always boils down to him! He's the one who started the chain reaction that led to Todd being in this condition. He condemned Todd to this." What Viki didn't say was that she felt just as responsible and she had no idea why.

Susannah had asked Steve to get Viki some orange juice. She handed it to her. "Viki, I'd like you to drink this." Viki took it. Her hand still trembled slightly. "I would also like you, in fact all of you, to go get something to eat and to rest for a while." As Susannah had anticipated, they all protested. They wanted to wait for Todd to wake up. "All right. Then I want all of you out of here for a while. If Todd is up to it, I want to talk to him about what he felt when the seizure came on."

Téa sighed. Susannah realized how discouraged they all seemed. "I know it seems hopeless at times. I don't want you to lose sight of the fact that Todd is making progress. He's getting stronger, physically and emotionally. Just a few weeks ago, could you have imagined Todd's body being able to rush to the doors and bang away at them the way Angel just did?" Susannah pointed out.

They all smiled. They did realize that, in a way, this was a good thing.

"He was strong enough to want to hear about having epilepsy," Viki stated hopefully.

"Yes, he was," Susannah confirmed. "Todd seemed to feel the seizure coming on and he tried to tell me. That's very good. This time he was already very frightened and confused when it started. Hopefully, if he is calmer when a seizure starts, if another one does, he will have a little more time to get himself safe," Susannah declared.

Sam felt guilt wash over him. He knew he was the reason Todd was so upset and frightened. Todd had sensed Sam's reluctance to touch him. Funny, Sam thought. Because all I want to do right now is hug him and never let him go.

Susannah insisted everyone take a break. They knew by now Todd would be postictal for a while. Téa and Kevin both called their offices. Sam and Viki went to get some coffee. Téa and Kevin said they would join them as soon as they took care of business. Susannah headed for her office to call Bill.

*****

Susannah was walking toward Todd's room just as Todd's family came back to the unit. "Hi," Susannah greeted them. "He's starting to wake up. I was just heading in there. Téa, Kevin, will you both wait in the lounge, please, in case it's Todd who wakes up."

"Sure." "Of course." Téa and Kevin answered, respectively.

Téa hated that Todd still became upset to find her near him. She would give anything to have him ask to see her the way some of the children did.

Kevin still felt anxious about the day he and Todd would confront each other. In some ways he felt more anxious this way.

Susannah, Viki and Sam headed into Todd's room. Carl, Connie and Mark were in the room with Todd when they entered. He was moaning loudly and his breathing was becoming erratic.

"He's coming out of it, but he's very agitated," Mark stated.

"Todd, Todd," Susannah called out.

"It hurts," Todd mumbled. His words were very slightly slurred.

"What hurts, sweetheart?" Viki asked.

"My head and my mouth," Todd answered. He reached up and rubbed his hand along his jaw, on the side where he bit his tongue.

"Todd, it's Doctor Hanen. You had a seizure. You bit your tongue. It's just a small bite and it will heal in a couple of days. I can give you some Tylenol for it."

"No drugs!" Todd muttered.

"Do you remember feeling the seizure coming on?" Susannah asked.

"It's far away." Todd's voice was flat and emotionless.

"What's far away, baby?" Viki asked.

"The earth . . . the whole world. I don't know how to get back. I don't like the woods. Make the trees go away."

"Tell us where you are." Susannah gently led him to talk about his hallucination.

"Far away. Where's Doctor Hanen?"

"Todd, I'm right here." Susannah held his hand.

"No. You're only pretending." Todd started to whisper to someone only he could hear or possibly see. "I know. I know. I'm not letting them fool me. Please! Be quiet. Shut up! Please be quiet. Okay! I can feel it. Stop! I can feel it! "

Sam and Viki exchanged looks with Susannah. She didn't have to tell them that Todd was still exhibiting signs of psychosis. They recognized them.

"Todd, is a voice telling you that I'm not real?" Susannah pressed.

Todd started to laugh. "I'm not real either, so the joke's on you."

Susannah motioned for Sam and Viki to speak to him.

"Sweetheart, it's Viki. Sam and I are here for you."

Todd looked startled. "If you hurt the real Sam and Viki I'll kill you," he threatened.

"Todd, please. We are real." Sam stroked his Todd's cheek.

Todd pulled it away sharply. "No! Sam hates me. Sam hates me!"

Sam was devastated. He knew Todd was remembering the way he reacted to him when he surfaced, right before the last seizure. "Todd, I love you. I love you with all my heart. I'm sorry if I let you think that I didn't." Sam tried to stroke Todd's head.

Todd jerked his head away. He seemed frightened of Sam's touch. Todd's breathing was becoming very erratic. He felt the bed under him. "Oh God! I'll drown! I'll drown!" He started to gasp for breath. Todd frantically tried to get out of the bed. He was apparently hallucinating he was in water instead of his bed. He felt dizzy. Susannah caught him before he almost fell off the bed. Marcia, Jeff and Nancy stepped into the room.

"Todd you need to calm down and listen to me," Susannah stated clearly. "You are safe in your bed at the hospital. Are you hearing more than one voice?"

Todd started to gasp for breath. "Everything is spinning around," Todd moaned. "STOP! MAKE IT STOP! I DON'T FEEL GOOD. MAKE IT STOOOOP! I HATE YOU! GET ME OUT OF HERE. I HATE THE WATER! GET AWAY! GET AWAY!" Todd tried to get off the bed again.

Sam held onto Todd on one side while Susannah held onto the other side of her weak, but struggling patient. She motioned for the staff to keep their distance for now.

Susannah knew he would fall if he tried to stand up. "Todd you need to calm down and stay in bed. Tell us what we can do to help you feel calmer and safer?"

"Get Sam and Viki and Doctor Hanen. Get me out of the water!"

Susannah saw where this was heading. Nevertheless, she tried again. "I know it must be very frightening to hear voices. Tell me what the voice or voices are saying to you." Susannah spoke softly and calmly as she encouraged him to describe his perception.

"Everyone I love and care about is going to be hurt. They've got them all and you're pretending to be them. You want to kill me so I can't find them and help them. You took my body away so I can't find me. You're making the woods too dark so I can't see. No! NO! YOU TOOK MY ARMS SO I CAN'T SWIM!" Todd's temporary calm was quickly fading. He felt the bed again. "YOU'RE LYING TO ME! I'M NOT THAT STUPID! YOU'RE LYING TO ME! YOU WANNA KILL ME! YOU TOOK THEM!"

Susannah was afraid he was beyond being talked down. "Todd, you need to take some slow deep breaths."

"I CAN'T BREATHE IN THE WATER! YOU'RE TRYING TO TRICK ME! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!"

Susannah gave de-escalating one more attempt. "Todd, if you can't calm down on your own we are going to have to hold you until you do."

"I WANT DOCTOR HANEN! YOU GET AWAY FROM ME!" Todd shrieked. He continued to gasp for breath. "MAKE IT STOP SPINNING. OH GOD! I'M IN A WHIRLPOOL. VIKIIII! HELP ME! MAMA! NO! DON'T DROWN ME! MAMAAAA!"

"Todd, you need to take some medication to help you calm down. Will you take it by mouth?" Susannah gave him that chance even though she knew what his reaction would be.

"NOOOO! GET AWAY! YOU'RE TRYING TO POISON ME! YOU WANT ME OUT OF THE WAY SO I WON'T TELL ANYONE YOU TOOK THE REAL DOCTOR HANEN. YOU TOOK HER AWAY FROM ME TOO. YOU TOOK SAM AND VIKI AND NOW MY DOCTOR HANEN. YOU WANT TO DROWN ME. THERE'S TOO MUCH WATER! I HATE YOU! GET AWAY! NOOOOO! YOU'RE DROWING ME. I CAN'T BREATH! I HATE YOU! I WANT DOCTOR HANEN! I WANT SAM AND VIKI! SAM HATES ME! HE HATES ME! HE SENT THE FAKE SAM HERE. YOU'RE ALL FAKES. YOU CAN'T FOOL ME! LIARS! YOU'RE ALL LIARS! MAMA! HELP ME! TAKE ME WITH YOU! MAMA! PLEASE TAKE ME WITH YOU! DON'T LEAVE ME WITH THEM. MAAAAMAAAA!" Todd tried to get off the bed once more.

Susannah quickly assigned positions. Todd's arms, legs and head were stabilized. Todd fought the hands that held him with all his might, which wasn't much due to his weakened condition.

"Hey, buddy. It's Carl. Connie, Jeff, Marcia and a nurse named Mark are here, too. Take it easy. We're gonna help you calm down and keep you safe."

"YOU'RE TRYING TO KILL ME! I KNOW THE TRUTH AND NOW YOU'RE TRYING TO KILL ME! YOU'RE GONNA DROWN ME!" Todd shrieked.

"Todd, it's Connie. You're back in your own room. You're safe. Try to relax, hon. No one is going to hurt you," Connie assured him as she held his left leg down.

"LIAR! YOU'RE TRYING TO KILL ME. HE TOLD YOU TO. YOU STOLE EVERYONE . . . SAM . . . VIKI . . . DOCTOR HANEN . . . TÉA, . . . STARR. YOU WANT ME TO BE LEFT WITH NO ONE! YOU EVEN STOLE MY BODY! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! LET ME GO! DON'T DROWN ME. PLEEEEASE!"

Todd was completely out of control. His screaming was causing him to become extremely short of breath. Susannah also feared he would have another seizure. She gave Janet an order for a sedative. She did not want to have to use mechanical restraints on him. Todd had no IV or hep lock in and an oral dose administered via the NG tube would take too long to take effect when he was escalating this quickly. The sedative had to be given intramuscularly as Todd was held in a side hold.

"THEY WANT YOU TO MAKE ME CRAZY SO I WON'T TELL. I KNOW. THEY CAN'T FOOL ME. I KNOW!" Todd shrieked. Then he started to whisper to himself again. "I'm gonna cut the trees down and then you'll be sorry."

Susannah wondered if his hallucinations about the woods and trees had something to do with the night he was forced to help bury Michelle. She also thought it might be related to the time he spent in the woods looking for his mother's summer home.

"LET GO OF ME!" he screamed. Todd continued to fight the hands that held him.

Whispering to Sam and Viki, Susannah informed them, "I have to give him an injection to calm him down. He's still psychotic." She knew Todd would need a stronger dose than the one she would have preferred to give him.

Janet came in with the medication. "Todd, we're going to give you a shot to help you calm down."

"NO! NO! YOU'RE DOING IT TO MAKE ME CRAZY SO YOU CAN KEEP ME HERE. THEN YOU'LL DROWN ME! HE'S TELLING YOU TO. HE TOOK VIKI AND DOCTOR HANEN AND FRANK AND SAM. HE TOOK CONNIE AND DAVE AND CARL AND . . . AND . . . ALL OF YOU! YOU'RE ALL FAKES! HE SENT YOU HERE TO FOOL ME AND KILL ME! YOU DON'T WANT ME TO PROTECT STARR. FRANK AND DOCTOR HANEN WOULD STOP YOU. THEY'D STOP YOU. I HATE YOU! HE HAS RANDY! DON'T LET HIM GET STARR. OH GOD! DON'T LET HIM GET STAAAARRRRR!"

On a three count they turned Todd onto his side and pulled aside his hospital gown. Janet swabbed the area over his vastus lateralis muscle with an alcohol swab. "Todd, you're going to feel a little pinch on your thigh," Janet prepared him.

Todd shrieked at the top of his lungs when he felt the needle go in. "STOP! STOP! YOU'RE TRYING TO KILL ME. YOU WANT ME TO BE CRAZY. YOU WANT TO DROWN ME IN ALL THIS WATER. THAT'S WHY YOU STOLE MY BODY. SO I CAN'T SWIM. YOU TOOK EVERYBODY AWAY. I WANT VIKI!" It took a few minutes for the medication to take effect. Once it did, his muscles immediately began to relax. His screams turned to whimpers and low moans. "Why are they doing this to me?" Todd whispered. A tear slid out of the corner of his eye and hit the pillow.

They were sure he was not asking them, but whomever he was hearing. Cautiously, limb-by-limb, they released their hold on him. Susannah released his head. Todd curled into a fetal position. He continued to weep and whisper to himself. Finally, he fell asleep.

Viki knew they had no choice and she had done the right thing in allowing Susannah to try the new medications. Todd couldn't go on like this. Sam still wasn't so sure.

Téa and Kevin heard Todd's screams as they sat in the waiting area. They saw Janet rush to the medication room and rush back with a filled syringe. They knew by the silence that followed, Todd had been put back to sleep. They both felt very discouraged. Susannah, Viki and Sam came out of Todd's room, shortly after the eerie silence began.

"He had another psychotic episode, didn't he?" Téa asked. Her voice was trembling.

"Yes," Susannah answered, as Sam and Viki nodded. Susannah saw how upset Téa was and Kevin didn't look much better. "Let's sit down," Susannah suggested. When they were all seated, Susannah began. "Todd has been off medication for a few days and he's had five seizures in three days. It is not surprising that he's having psychotic episodes. He'll be given his first dose of risperidone tonight and I'll start the Zoloft day after tomorrow. It usually takes anywhere from one to two weeks before we start seeing some relief from the risperidone and perhaps several more weeks before we'll know if the Zoloft is helping. Again, the relief and the side effects can affect each alter very differently. We will have to wait and see." Susannah hated suggesting it. However she knew that it was more important than ever to keep Todd from becoming overly agitated. "I would also like to start Todd on regularly scheduled sedation, instead of prn."

"What does prn mean?" Kevin asked.

"It's from the Latin, pro re nata. It means as necessary or required," Susannah replied and then continued. "I think sedation at regular intervals will help, at least until the new medications have a chance to kick in."

"No! He's already like a zombie half the time. He'll never be awake if you do that," Sam protested.

"I'm not talking about heavy sedation like he was just given. I'm talking about lightly sedating him, around the clock, to take the edge off his anxiety. It may help with the psychosis, until the neuroleptic starts to work. I'm not trying to alarm you, but episodes like this can trigger seizures. I just want it in place for the next couple of weeks, until all the meds, including the anticonvulsant, have a chance to work. I think Todd needs a little extra help in staying calm."

"Will he and the alters still be able to get out of bed and do things and talk to us?" Viki pressed. She was near tears.

"Of course they will. I am going to go with the least amount that will be effective. Some of the alters, particularly the very young children, may be a little more sleepy or they may become hyper. Even they should still be able to function normally."

Sam shook his head and took a few steps away from them. "I really hate this," he said, more to himself than to the others. Once again, Sam wondered if Blair's idea about taking Todd home was really so insane.

"I did read that extreme excitement can trigger seizures," Téa commented.

"Sam, Mom, I don't think you have much of a choice," Kevin added.

Once again Viki agreed to the medication. Kevin asked if he could go see Todd for a few minutes. Susannah nodded. She knew Todd wouldn't know Kevin was there. She also realized it was important to Kevin. He needed to see Todd.

*****

Todd remained curled in a fetal position. Kevin could see it was still Todd who was out. He never ceased to be amazed at how different each alter presented, even as they slept. Kevin stroked Todd's head, lightly. "I don't know how, and I don't even know if you'll let me near you, but I'm gonna help you, Todd. I'm gonna help you get back the life my grandfather and Peter Manning stole from you. I'm gonna get us back on a level playing field, and then maybe we can figure out why we hated each other. Okay . . . so maybe you still hate me, and maybe I still hate you . . . sometimes . . . not like it was before . . . not the same way. I care about you. I really do." Kevin surprised himself with his last statement, because he finally realized it was true. He didn't know if he loved Todd, like he did Timmy, but he did care about him and wanted to make his pain go away. Kevin appreciated the irony in that. He remembered all the times he wanted to cause Todd pain. Now he would give anything to stop whatever pain Todd had. "Things are changing, Todd. They really are." Kevin spoke softly. He gently squeezed Todd's shoulder and headed out to the lounge area.

Téa was the next to come in and see Todd. Téa noticed Todd was shivering slightly as he slept. She unrolled the extra blanket from the foot of his bed and pulled it up over him. She then bent down and kissed his cheek. "At least I get to touch you now," Téa whispered as a tear slid down her cheek. Téa told Todd all about her meeting with Starr. When she finished, she kissed him again and pulled the blankets up just a little higher and left.

*****

"Thank you for letting me go in ahead of you." Téa realized they knew she still had to get back to her office for her evening clients.

"Oh, honey. You are very welcome. I'm so happy your visit with Starr went so well. I'll call Blair and see if I can change her mind about letting Starr spend some time with all of us," Viki promised. She hugged Téa. "I'm so happy you are part of Todd's life again, and mine," Viki confessed.

Téa was too choked up to utter more than "Me, too." Viki understood. After a minute, to get herself together, Téa turned to Kevin. "Since we came in my car, I can drive you back to yours if you like?"

"Mom, if you need me to hang out here for a while I can. I'll just catch a cab later," Kevin offered.

"No, sweetheart. Thank you. There's nothing any of us can do right now."

"Todd will probably sleep through the night," Susannah added. She then turned to Viki and Sam. "Why don't you two get some rest and then some dinner? I'll get you or call you immediately if there is any change."

Viki and Sam exchanged looks. "I think we will take you up on that as soon as we go in to see him," Sam agreed. Sam and Viki headed into Todd's room and Susannah headed to the nurses station to do the paperwork on the hold and the medication.

*****

Téa and Kevin headed for Téa's car. When they got to the lobby two jubilant men approached them and thrust a cigar into both Kevin and Téa's hands. They notice they were carrying balloons that said, "It's a Girl."

"Here have one," one of them said to Kevin and Téa.

The other said, "You'll have to forgive my brother. It's his first kid, and my first niece."

Both Téa and Kevin thanked and congratulated them. The two men got on an elevator, both still joyous.

As Kevin walked out the hospital door onto the street, he suddenly felt overwhelmed. Perhaps it was by everything he had been through that day or perhaps it was the realization that he will never be around for his kid the way that man will probably be around for his. Mostly, what hit Kevin was that Todd had never known that. Even that moment of being the proud father of a new baby girl had been stolen from him, in Ireland. Now, would Todd ever know that? Would he ever get a chance at a family? Would he ever get a chance to hold his own little girl again? Kevin wondered. Kevin could not stop himself from breaking down in tears, right there, on the street, in front of the hospital.

Alarmed, Téa asked, "What is it? Kevin, what's wrong?"

"It's just so unfair . . . so damned unfair."

Téa didn't have to ask him what was unfair. She knew. She could no longer hold back her own tears for Todd. Not caring about the passerby’s on the street, Téa put her arms around Kevin. They cried on each other's shoulder. This time Kevin's only reason for being in Téa's arms was the sorrow he felt for Todd. As people walked around them, Téa and Kevin consoled each other. Both were thinking not of themselves or each other, but of Todd.

Silently congratulating himself on what a lucky day he was having, James Skinner snapped away with his camera. He made sure to get the hospital in the background. "Right in front of his window, too. Tsk, tsk, Mrs. Manning and Mr. Buchanan. You really should be ashamed of yourselves," Skinner chuckled to himself. Well, I am going to be able to afford a vacation in Hawaii with what the other Mrs. Manning is going to pay me for these, Skinner thought.

Peep was sitting on the floor of the dayroom, cross-legged. He was giggling softly as he held his hand out to the dogs and cats that only he saw. "Their tongues tickle," he whispered as he fed them the food he was seeing.

Despite the heavy sedation, Todd had slept fitfully through the night. The next morning it was Peep who woke up. He was hallucinating, but he was calm. Everyone had to remember to not speak above a whisper around him. All noise on the unit had to be kept to a minimum. Peep had become terrified of the bath and then the shower water when they took him into the bathroom to help him with his ADLs. They quickly removed him from the bathroom. He calmed immediately. The last thing anyone wanted was to have to administer more heavy sedation. Peep had no trouble staying calm when they took him back to his bed and gave him a bed bath. It was apparently the running water that frightened him. He willingly walked to the dayroom and ate the Frosted Flakes with milk and the toast with peanut butter and grape jelly they served him for breakfast. He drank two cups of apple juice. They noticed that he did not look at the food as he ate it. His eyes kept darting away from them as he spoke. His facial features seemed flat and expressionless. His ramblings were far away and disconnected. Peep didn't seem to have much emotional attachment to Sam or Viki or anyone.

"Mommy says it's raining cats and dogs, but isn't that silly cause everyone would step on them . . . I can't wear my new shoes if it rains or snows cause I'll get them wet . . . Mommy doesn't like mud and snow on the carpet . . . Daddy punishes everyone if there's dirt in the house . . . mud pies aren't really pies . . . but Sandy makes them . . . she lives in a different house . . . but isn't it silly if she lived in my house because she has a different mommy and daddy . . . I don't like the sheep cause I can't breathe when they come at me . . . they bite me and Willie . . . Mommy says we don't eat sheep we eat lambs . . . Mary had a lamb . . . I don't want Daddy to eat Mary's lamb . . . Daddy likes lamb's legs . . . he says mommy don't cook good . . . Jack has beans . . . you can't eat them cause they're magic . . . this jack didn't fall down the hill . . . that's another Jack . . . you can't let the farmer's wife near the cats and dogs cause she'll cut off their tails . . . I can make Kool-Aid . . . I like cherry and Willie likes punch . . . it doesn't really punch cause it hurts to be punched . . . I don't like it when it hurts . . . I'm real careful with the sugar and don't spill it . . . Mommy don't get mad if I do, but if Daddy sees it, we get punished."

They were having a hard time following Peep's rapid, disorganized speech and hearing his low whisper. They were happy he remained calm. Peep was now petting the dogs and cats he saw.

Susannah suggested Viki and Sam take a break and get something to eat. As long as he was presenting calm, she wanted to take Peep to her office for a session.

"Peep, would you like us to bring you back some candy?" Viki whispered.

"The man says no candy. We're too bad for treats. The house is made out of gingerbread. If it was made of candy it would melt and isn't that silly cause you can't live in a melted house."

"Peep, you can have candy. You're not bad. You're a very good boy," Sam assured him.

Peep looked away from Sam. He pointed toward the wall. "See, the house is gingerbread, not candy. Isn't it silly for it to be candy?" Peep looked at Sam with fearful eyes. "You won't let the witch put me in the oven and eat me?"

Sam stroked Peep's head. "No, Peep. I won't let the witch near you," Sam promised.

Peep seemed to believe him. "Will you bring my doggies some biscuits and some milk for my kitties? They're being real good and not making any noise."

"Sure we will, Peep. You've been very good, too. Wouldn't you like us to bring you back something?" Viki coaxed.

"I can really have a present?" Peep whispered. His eyes were wide.

"Yes, sweetheart. You can have anything you like," Viki assured him.

Peep thought about it for a few seconds. "Can I have a cherry lollipop with a Tootsie Roll inside?"

Touched by his simple request, Viki stroked his cheek. "We'll bring you your present, sweetheart."

Peep smiled and went to tell his pets that they would be getting presents, too. Viki and Sam both looked at him. Sadness was clearly written on their faces. They headed for the diner down the street and would stop to pick up the things Peep wanted on their way back.

Susannah knelt down to where Peep sat, still playing with his cats and dogs. "Peep, will you come to my office with me so we can talk for awhile?" she held out her hand to him.

Peep turned to the pets he saw and whispered to them. "I have to go with the lady. You have to be real quiet while I'm gone or the man will punish you real bad." Peep took Susannah's hand. She and Angelo walked him to her office.

*****

As they proceeded down the hall with him they noticed Peep would stop every few feet. He would place the palms of his hands on one side of one wall and then the other. He started to look frightened. "They're moving. They're gonna squash us. Make them stop!" he whispered, fear replaced the calm in his eyes.

"Peep, it's all right" Susannah tried to calm him. "You're safe. I know it must be scary to see the walls moving. They don't look like they're moving to me. You're safe. Let's go to my office and you won't be near the walls anymore."

Peep calmed down. He continued to walk with them. He stopped again. "NO! THE MAN'S PUSHING THEM ON ME!" Hearing his own raised voice, his fear turned to terror. Peep dropped to his knees and pulled his sweatshirt up over his head. "He can't see me now. He can't see me now," he whispered.

"NO! NOT THE TRUNK. I'M NOT A SKUNK. THE TRUNK SMELLS. HE YELLS. HE YELLS." They realized Willie had come out.

"Don't make noise!" Peep begged Willie.

"No noise. No noise. We're bad boys. The trunk smells like a skunk," Willie whispered. They noticed his posture was stiff and statue like.

Hearing the screams, Frank, Terry and Eileen came rushing down the hallway. Susannah and Angelo knelt down to Peep and Willie.

"Boys, we're not going to let anyone hurt you," Angelo assured them.

"Can you boys tell us what happens when you make noise?" Susannah asked.

They didn't seem to hear her. Willie tried to pull the shirt back down so he could see the danger he perceived to be next to him.

Peep quickly pulled it back over his head. "No, Willie! He'll see us. We have to find Jack. We'll go up the beanstalk," Peep whispered. His voice trembled.

"NO BAD! NO SAD! NO BAD!" Willie shouted.

"I can't breathe!" a terrified Peep whispered. Apparently he now felt himself in the trunk.

"Boys you are not in the trunk. You are in the hospital and you are safe." Susannah whispered so as not to frighten Peep.

Willie and Peep were both trembling and holding on to each other.

Suddenly they pulled the sweatshirt down. The appearance of Todd's face changed. His eyes became wide at whatever he was seeing in front of him. "NO! NO! THAT'S MAMA'S BED! THAT'S MAMA'S BED!" He shrieked.

Susannah remembered hearing an alter say that once before, on the night Peep and Willie had first come out. The night Todd had an acute psychotic episode and he had insisted Blair come to see him.

"I HATE YOU! THAT'S MAMA'S BED." This alter jumped up and rushed down the hall a few steps and bent down and started to go through the motions of pulling on something. Susannah gave her staff a look that told them to hold back and not approach him, yet. "GET OUT! GET OUT! THAT'S MAMA'S BED!" he continued to shriek.

"Can you tell us your name?" Susannah asked from a distance. He didn't seem to hear her. Susannah approached him cautiously. "Who's in mama's bed?" she tried.

Suddenly the alter slammed his body against the wall and then slid down it. Frank and Angelo carefully approached. The alter looked up at Angelo. "I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU AND I HATE HER! THAT'S MAMA'S BED!"

Angelo knelt down so his imposing height wouldn't seem so threatening. "My name is Angelo. I'm not going to hurt you. You're very safe here."

Terry and Eileen stood by, waiting to see if Susannah needed them for a hold or to get medication.

The alter tried to stand. Then he jerked his head and body back, as if someone had just pulled him by his hair. Frank caught him before he fell. He struggled in Frank's arms. "LET GO OF ME! I HATE YOU! MAKE HER GO AWAY. MAKE HER LEAVE. SHE'S NOT MY MAMA. SHE'S NOT MY MAMA!"

Susannah approached him and spoke calmly. "It's okay. It's not happening now. No one is going to hurt you. Look around. You're not at home. You are in a hospital. You're dad is not here." Finally, he made eye contact with Susannah. "Hi there. Do you have a name?" Susannah asked again. He looked around. His struggling lessened. "Do you have a name?" Susannah repeated.

"Storm," he answered, quietly.

"Hello, Storm. My name is Susannah Hanen. I'm your doctor."

Storm leaned back into Frank's arms. With his head leaning back onto Frank's chest, he turned his head up and looked at Frank.

"Hi, Storm. My name is Frank and this is Angelo." Frank pointed to Angelo. Storm made no move to leave Frank's strong protective arms.

"Storm, will you come to my office and talk with me for a while?" Susannah pushed for a session.

"Where'd the man and that lady go?" Storm looked around for them.

"Storm, do you know where you are?" Susannah asked. He looked over his surroundings. He shook his head. "You're in a hospital. It's called Llanview Hospital," Susannah tried to orient him again.

Tears came to his eyes. "Am I sick? Are you going to do stuff that hurts?"

"We're not going to hurt you," Susannah answered. She skirted the issue of his illnesses.

*****

He allowed them to walk him to Susannah's office. At Susannah's request, Frank and Angelo sat on the couch, inside the office with them. Susannah had no idea how unpredictable this alter might be. She gave him some time to look around and accustom himself to her office. Susannah noticed he was not attracted to her computer as some of the other alters were. He seemed more interested in the pictures on the walls. Both the store bought ones and the ones the alters had drawn.

Susannah turned on her tape recorder. "Do you know the adults and children in those pictures?" Susannah pointed to the pictures drawn by some of the alters. He looked at them and shook his head to all but pictures of Todd, Peep, and Willie.

"Storm, how old are you?" Angelo asked.

"Nine," he responded shyly

"So you know Todd," Susannah stated.

"Todd saw the lady first and he went away. She's my mama too. I hate the man. It's Mama's bed!" Storm surprised them by walking over to the couch and sitting down next to Frank. He placed his head on Frank's shoulder. "Is there a mama in your house?" Storm asked Frank.

"A mama?" Frank did not understanding.

"Do you have any little boys or girls?"

Normally Frank would have refocused any personal questions back to the patient. His instincts told him to answer this one. "Yes, Storm. I do."

"Is there a mama in your house, too?" he asked again.

Realizing what he meant, Frank answered. "Yes there's a mama in the house."

"My mama went away. I don't wanna stay with the man anymore. Can I come home with you?"

Storm's request surprised Frank. Susannah let Frank handle it. "Storm, do you know Sam and Viki?" Storm shook his head. He cuddled up to Frank and looked up at him, with his large, sad eyes. He tugged at Frank's heartstrings. Frank put his arm around Storm's shoulder. "Viki is Todd's sister. Sam is a very good friend of Todd's. They both love Todd and you live inside Todd so they love you too."

"They do?" Storm seemed surprised.

"Yes, Storm, they do, very much. When Todd goes home, Sam and Viki are both hoping that you and Todd and the others who live inside Todd will come home to live with them. Sam and Viki love all of you very much."

Storm thought about it for a minute. "Is Viki the mama in the house?"

"Viki will be like a mama to you when you live with her," Susannah assured him.

"Is Sam a mean daddy or a nice daddy, like on television?"

"He's a very nice daddy," Susannah answered.

Storm looked at Frank and then Angelo and then Susannah. He hung his head and sadly admitted, "My mama left and now I have to live with just the man. I have to come out because the other boy don't wanna be out. I don't like the man." Some tears trickled down Storm's cheeks.

"Can you tell us why you don't like the man?" Susannah posed.

"He's real mean to us and he did mean things to Mama. Now Mama went away. I don't like to talk about the man." Storm seemed to be getting anxious. His eyes darted around the room as if he were checking it out for Peter's presence.

"Storm, that was a long time ago. Todd grew up. His dad is not here. He can't ever come anywhere near here," Susannah assured him. She was not sure how this alter would handle the knowledge that Peter was dead so she was careful of how much she said.

Storm seemed calmer. Frank patted Storm's arm as he kept his arm around him and inquired, "Storm, can you tell us how you got your name?"

"The man got mad at mama and me. He threw us out in the storm. I did the storm for Todd. It was snowing real hard. Mama only had her robe on and I only had on my pajamas. We was so cold and real scared. Mama was crying real hard and saying 'what'll we do? There's a storm. There's a storm. I can't believe he threw us out in a storm.'"

Susannah and Frank exchanged looks. It didn't ring a bell with Angelo. However, Frank and Susannah knew from Todd's history that he had thrown Téa out, naked, into the snow.

"Can you tell us why the man threw you and mama out into the snow?" Susannah inquired.

"He thought it was the other boy, Todd. Todd was real bad. He picked up the phone when it rang and he heard the man talking to a lady. He broke a rule. You're not supposed to pick up the phone. He heard the man talk about stuff he done with the lady. Todd got real mad and scared and went away and I came out. Mama was drinking and came out and saw me with the phone and took it and listened. She started to scream at the man. The man started to laugh and mama got real mad. She called the man names and he hit her face." Frank could feel Storm start to tremble, but he was staying calm. Frank tightened his grip, slightly.

"Did the man hit you too?" Susannah pushed.

"No. He didn't see me. I was hiding under the table in the hallway."

Susannah remembered Tom once talking about hiding under that table too. This alter didn't seem as terrified of seeing the violence between his parents as some of the others did. Although he seemed to love the mother, he was not exhibiting the guilt many of the others had about not protecting her.

"Mama got even madder at the man. She called him some more bad names and pulled open her bathrobe and yelled, 'What's the matter? I'm not good enough for you? Is that slut more to your liking?' Mama grabbed the man's hand and put it on her chest. She yelled 'aren't I good enough for you?' and she called him a bad name again."

Storm seemed to be relaying this a little too calmly. His body was trembling, however his words were without emotion and they were detached. He stared ahead as he spoke.

"It must be scary to see your parents fight?" Susannah acknowledged.

Storm nodded. "I don't like having to come out for the other boy, but I like to be with Mama. I wish the man would go away so I could just be with Mama. He was real mean that night."

"Do you remember what the man did after mama yelled at him?" Susannah pressed.

"He called Mama bad names. He grabbed Mama's arm. She started screaming. He dragged her to the back door and he threw her out of the house. I hate the man!" Storm's voice finally displayed emotion . . . anger.

"The man didn't see me under the table and he went in to get a drink. Mama was hitting the door real hard and screaming for him to let her in. I snucked mama's coat and boots out of the closet and went to open the door and give them to her. The man catched me. He called me bad names and he grabbed my arms and shooked me. It hurt! He said, 'you want to help that' . . . he called mama a bad name again."

Susannah noticed that this alter would not repeat any foul language. He also was doing a child's best imitation of an adult male voice and speech pattern.

"He said 'you little' . . . he called me a bad name again too. 'You always take her side. I'm your father and you are always against me. You never fail to find a new way to try to hurt me. You always disappoint me. You're just like her. You want to make me angry! You want me to teach you a lesson. You beg for it! Okay, tonight's lesson, you want to help your mother? You can join her!' He tooked the coat and boots away from me and opened the door. Mama tried to come back in. Instead he pushed her and he threw me out."

Frank could feel Storm's trembling increase even more and he heard his teeth chattering. Frank took the blanket from the back of the couch and wrapped it around Storm and held him tightly. He and Susannah exchanged looks.

"Storm, I want you to look around and tell me where you are," Susannah requested.

He hesitated for a minute. He looked confused and anxious. He looked around again in an effort to orient himself. "Your office," he finally answered. He was looking calmer.

"Yes. Very good, Storm. I want you to try to keep remembering that you're in my office and you are very safe. No one can hurt you here. What you're telling us about happened a very long time ago. Todd's father can't hurt you anymore."

Frank noticed Storm's trembling slowed down a little, as did the chattering of his teeth. Storm leaned into Frank even more. He lifted Frank's hand and nervously played with Frank's fingers.

Cautiously, Susannah began questioning him again. "What happened after you were out in the snow with Mama?"

"I told her I tried to bring her coat and boots and the man took them away before he threw me out. Mama hugged me. She was shaking and crying. Mama said don't be scared. She said she'd find a way to keep me warm. I wish I could go back inside and take Mama with me," Storm added wistfully.

"Do you mean inside the house or back inside Todd?" Angelo asked.

"Todd," Storm replied.

"Was Mama able to keep you warm?" Susannah inquired.

"Not real warm, but a little. Mama tried to get the garage door to open but it could only be opened from the outside with a clicker thing. Mama tooked me to this little house in the back of the big house. It had a lock on it and the man is the only one who has the key. Mama looked in the snow until she found a rock and she broke the lock and we went inside. It was real dark and scary. Mama told me to stand against the wall and not to move because there was a lot of stuff lying around and I could fall. I heard Mama go 'ohhh' but she said she was all right, that she just banged her leg into something. Mama found this big sheet thing. She said the painters left it. Mama held me, and she wrapped it around us. Mama heard scratching sounds and she got real scared and made a scream sound, but then told me don't be afraid. It was just squirrels. Mama sang the Sunshine song to me and told me stories. I love Mama. I wanted her to love me." They noticed he emphasized the word me. "So I told her the secret. I told her I wasn't Todd that I was Storm. I told her Todd went away."

Storm's words surprised Susannah, Frank and Angelo. "What did Mama say when you told her that?" Susannah kept her voice calm.

"She started to cry again. She said, 'I love you so much. It kills me to see what he does to you. I'm so sorry. You deserve a better mother than me.' I hugged her real hard and kissed her and told her that she was the best mama in the world and I was glad she was my mama. She hugged me real hard and said, 'Storm. That's a very good name for a night like this.' She kissed me on the head and said 'that's my darling, sweet boy. I promise that someday I will take you away for real. I will take you somewhere safe and happy. I promise. I'll take us both away.'" Storm started to hum You Are My Sunshine, softly, to himself.

Susannah bit her lip to hold back the tears she felt. Frank did the same. Angelo had yet to bond with Todd. Nevertheless, he sensed the tragedy in Storm's disclosure.

"It feels good to have mama holding you and protecting you," Susannah stated.

"I love my mama. I want to be the most special to her," Storm replied.

"Did you spend the whole night in shed?" Susannah did her best to control her voice.

Storm shrugged. "I guess I went inside. I don't remember." Storm suddenly threw the blanket off of him and pulled away from Frank. He stood up. "THAT'S MAMA'S BED! GET OUT! I HATE YOU! THAT'S MAMA'S BED!" Storm again went through the motions of pulling on someone. "GO AWAY! THAT'S MAMA'S BED!"

*****

Viki and Sam had returned from lunch. They noticed that several staff members were not around. Nancy told her they were down in Susannah's office. She informed them that another alter had come out and Susannah was having a session with him. Sam and Viki exchanged looks when they heard, "another alter." This made three more of them in two days. Viki and Sam left the things they had brought back for Peep, including a bag of Tootsie Roll Pops, at the nurses station and headed for Susannah's office. They heard Storm screaming as soon as they entered the outer office. They saw Terry and Eileen seated there.

"We heard a new alter came out. What's going on?" Sam asked, anxiously. He blamed himself.

"He was quiet until just a minute ago. Susannah hasn't called us in or coded him or given an order for a sedative, so he's all right," Terry assured Sam and Viki.

*****

"MAKE HER GO AWAY! MAMA BELONGS THERE. WHERE'S MAMA? SHE'S GONNA TAKE ME WITH HER. SHE PROMISED! WHERE'S MAMA? SHE PROMISED! SHE PROMISED!" Storm was looking around frantically. He headed for the window and banged his palms against the glass. "Mama! Mama! Where's mama?" He was now crying more than shouting.

Susannah walked up to him and gently turned him around. "Storm, whom do you want to go away?"

"The lady is in the man's bed. She's not my mama. Where's my mama? She's gonna take me away with her. She promised. I was in the little house with her and she said she was gonna take me away with her. She promised! She promised! Then I came out standing in her room and there was a strange lady in the bed with the man. That's where Mama is supposed to sleep. Where's Mama?" Storm looked at Susannah with desperate, frightened eyes.

*****

Eileen and Terry could see that Sam and Viki were forcing themselves to sit there and not interfere. They were relieved that Storm had quieted down again.

*****

"How did you feel when you saw a strange lady in your mama's bed?" Susannah asked Storm.

"I hate her! She's like the lady on the phone. She got Mama hurt. She made Mama go away." Storm's face was a mixture of anger, hatred and sorrow.

"Storm, do you think the way Todd's dad treated your mama had anything to do with her going away?" Susannah probed.

Storm hung his head. "I hate him so big. He was real mean to Mama. Now there's a lady here instead of Mama. NO! I HATE YOU! THAT'S MY MAMA'S BED. GET OUT!" Storm went through the motions of pulling on someone or something again.

"What did you do when you saw the lady in your mama's bed?" Susannah pressed on.

"I tried to pull her out of the bed. She said, 'what's going on here? I thought you told me the kid was sleeping.' The man said 'shut up.' He jumped out of the bed. He didn't have no clothes on. I kept yelling at the lady to go away." Storm, slid down the wall and brought his knees to his chest and started to sob.

"I want my mama. She promised to take me away from the man. Where'd my mama go? Why did she go without me?" He looked at Susannah with huge frightened eyes. "Did me or the other boys do something bad? Is that why my mama didn't take us with her? I'm scared to be alone with the man. I don't want that lady to be in Mama's bed. Now Mama won't ever come back for me." Storm's shoulders shook as he continued to wail.

Susannah cautiously put her arms around him. She was not sure how this alter would take to physical comfort from a woman other than his mother or if it would be triggering to him in some way. Storm immediately put his arms around Susannah's neck and rested his head on her shoulder. He responded like a purring kitten. Storm was desperate for love and affection. Susannah held him. She gently rocked him and gave him a few minutes to gain some control.

*****

Viki sat in the outer office nervously crossing and uncrossing her legs. Sam tried to busy himself with a magazine. Terry and Eileen looked at each other.

"He seems to have quieted down. That's a good sign," Eileen commented comfortingly.

"Yes it is. Susannah knows we're out here. She would have called if there were a problem," Terry added reassuringly.

Viki and Sam both smiled at them and nodded.

Terry and Eileen could see the fear in Viki and Sam's eyes.

*****

Storm had calmed down. He released his grip on Susannah and rested back against the wall. Storm continued spontaneously. "The man's gonna hurt me. He's real mad." Storm spoke in a detached manner. "He pulled me into the hall and dragged me to my room. He told me to stay in there until he comes back. He went back into the room with the lady. I heard him yelling at her because she was getting dressed. He started to laugh and told her maybe she should stay and teach the kid a few things. She yelled at him that he was disgusting. I heard the man hit her. She called him a bad name. He yelled at her to get out. I'm glad! Maybe now Mama will come back."

Storm seemed too calm now. Susannah asked him, gently. "What did the man do after the lady left?"

Storm got a shocked look on his face. He started to cower against the wall.

"Storm, you're safe. You're in my office. Nothing bad is happening to you now," Susannah recognized the beginning of another flashback beginning. "Storm, you don't have to feel it. You can just tell us about it. You don't have to relive it."

"I HATE YOU! I WANT MAMA!" Storm screamed. He was looking up at the father he now saw standing over him.

"Storm, your father isn't here. It's all right." Susannah took his trembling hands. "Can you feel me holding your hands? Storm! You're not back home. You are in my office here at the hospital. You're safe."

His breathing slowed a little. Storm started to cry. "The man had no clothes on. He said, 'did you get a good look? Do you like to watch, you twisted little' . . . he called me a bad name," Storm sobbed. "Mama don't like for me to say bad words. I won't do anything Mama don't like. Then she'll come back for me." Storm held on tightly to Susannah's hand. "The man was looking funny at me. I thought he was gonna hit me."

"He didn't hit you?" Susannah asked.

"No. He . . ." Storm stopped talking. His eyes glazed over. "Me and Mama was so cold. He threw us out in a storm," he whispered.

Secrets 92, Page 4