Previously..."Mrs. Manning. I'm sorry to bother you, but Todd is asking to see you." "What!" Téa was sure she had heard wrong. "Did you say Todd wants to see me?" "Yes," Terry answered. "You mean Tom or Timmy or one of the alters, don't you?" Téa asked. She could not believe Todd would want her to see him. "No, it's Todd. He's upset and he is asking for you. Can I tell Doctor Hanen you'll be here?" "Yes! Of course I'll be right there," Téa answered without hesitation. Téa looked at her watch. I'll be there within half an hour," Téa confirmed. Her hands shook as she closed her phone. Téa knew this was an awful thing to do to her client, but there was no way in Hell she was about to tell Todd that she couldn't come to see him. Téa looked around for a moment. She went over to one of her colleagues. Grabbing the man's arm she pulled him aside. "Paul. I need you to do me a huge favor. I have to get to the hospital. There is a problem with my husband. I need you to appear before Judge Martin with Mrs. Gonzalez and tell him what happened and ask for a postponement. I'll owe you big time if you do this for me." "Téa," Paul sounded exasperated. "You already own me and half of the lawyers in Llanview big time for covering for you." Paul looked at Téa's desperate eyes. "Okay, go take care of your husband. Don't worry. Martin's easy going." "Thanks, I really do owe you?" Téa called to him as she was already rushing toward the elevator. Téa's heart and mind were racing. There was only one thought that kept running through her mind as she jumped into her car and started the motor. "Todd wants to see me. My God! Todd wants to see me."

*****

Susannah knelt down to where Todd sat, huddled against the wall in her office. He held his knees against his chest, tightly. His head was buried in them. The memories that flooded through Todd's brain had overwhelmed him. The thought of Téa seeing him the way he was still repulsed him, but something was compelling him to want to see her. The compulsion overpowered his fear and shame. He was having trouble remembering why, but right now all he wanted was to see his wife.

"Todd, Viki and Sam are right outside. Do you want to see them? Do you want them to be with you?" Susannah asked, cautiously. At first Todd didn't respond. Susannah wondered if he had gone into a trance state. "Todd, can you hear me?" She asked softly. "Sam and Viki are angry at me," Todd announced, his voice muffled by his knees. "Why do you think they're angry with you?" Susannah asked. "Because I'm a loser and a screw-up. I made him hurt Viki and she hates me?" Susannah knew he was becoming confused. He was half in and half out of reality, confusing the past with the present. She tried to redirect his attention back to the present. "Todd, no one hurt Viki. Viki is fine. She's right outside with Sam." "No, she went away and she won't tell me why. He hurt her and she was supposed to take me with her. She promised, but I was bad and she left me." "Who do you think hurt Viki?" Todd didn't respond. "Do you think Sam hurt Viki?" Susannah wanted clarity. She wanted to make sure Todd wasn't confusing Sam with his father.

"Sam went away. He thinks I'm a disappointment. He has a good son. He doesn't want a stupid, screw-up for a son." "Todd, Sam loves you very much. He would be proud to have you for a son. He's right outside with Viki. Sam will never leave you. Neither will Viki. They have been here with you from the beginning. They will never leave you. They want to see you. Is it all right?" "Is it really Sam and Viki? Are you sure they're not pretending to be Sam and Viki?" Susannah hoped he wasn't starting to experience another psychotic episode.

"Yes, I'm am absolutely sure. They love you Todd. They love spending time with you. They were out to lunch and they missed being with you and now they want to see you. It's safe to let them comfort you and be here for you. Is it okay with you if they come in?" Todd nodded yes. "I'm going to step outside to the waiting area that's right outside the door. I'm going to let Sam and Viki know it's all right for them to come in. I'll be right back. Okay?" Susannah did not want him to think she was abandoning him. He nodded yes again. She patted his knee and stood up and headed for the outer office.

Susannah filled Sam and Viki in, briefly, on what had transpired with Storm and Todd. She told them she would discuss it with them in detail, later. They were very surprised when told that Todd had heard Storm talking and that so many memories had come to the surface. Viki and Sam saw Todd huddled in a ball against the wall and immediately headed for him. "Sweetheart, it's Viki. Sam and I are here for you." "It's okay Pal. You're safe here," Sam added. Sam stroked Todd's head. Todd pulled away and scampered off to another section of the wall.

Sam and Viki looked at Susannah. They didn't understand what was going on with him. "Todd, are you upset with Sam?" Susannah asked. Todd lifted his head from his knees. "He hates me!" "No! My God, Boomer! I love you. I love you with all my heart." Guilt washed over Sam. He knew Todd remembered his reluctance to touch him after Angel had gone inside and Todd had come out. "No! You don't want me to be your son. You don't want me to come home with you. You know I'm bad and a stupid, worthless, loser and a disappointment and a heartache and I deserve to be punished. Your son is good and that's why he got to have you for a dad. Viki hates me because I'm weak and stupid and I can't protect her and she gets hurt because of me. Viki's gonna leave and you are and Delgado hates me. She's not coming. She hates me. She should hate me. I wish I was dead!"

"Sweetheart, Téa is on her way here. As soon as she heard you wanted to see her she dropped what she was doing and headed over here. Téa has been waiting a long time for you to want to see her," Viki informed him.

As much as he wanted to see her, hearing that Téa was on her way caused Todd to become very afraid and nervous. He wanted to scream at them to keep Téa away from him and to never let her see him this way, but he had to see her. He didn't understand why. He was becoming confused. The reasons why he wanted to see Téa were becoming blurred in his mind. He only knew that he had to see her.

Tears started falling from Todd's eyes. He buried his head back in his knees. This time his shoulders shook. Susannah allowed Sam and Viki to handle this. Sam knelt down to where Todd sat, but didn't touch him. Guilt washed over Sam. He sometimes wondered how he could face Todd, knowing how he had failed him. He couldn't believe this wonderful young man thought that he didn't deserve his love. Sam knew it was the other way around.

"Todd, don't you know how much Viki and Téa and I love you. We are so proud of you. I'm the one who failed you. Do you know how much that kills me! Every time I think that I let you go back to that house I could kick myself. I don't know how I can ever make it up to you. More than anything in my life I want to be a good friend and a good father to you." Sam placed his hand on Todd's shoulder. "NO! DON'T TOUCH ME!" Todd shrieked and once again pulled away from Sam's touch. He moved even further down the wall.

"Frank! Frank!" Todd called out, panic in his voice. Frank walked to Todd and rested on his knees, beside him. "I'm here Todd. I'm right next to you." Frank was careful not to touch him. "You have little kids. I heard you. You have kids." "When did you hear Frank say that?" Susannah asked Todd. "I don't remember. I think it was before I woke up." Todd thrust his hand in front of him and called, "Frank!" Frank took his hand. Viki noticed the hurt look on Sam's face when Todd reached out for Frank while he had pulled away from Sam.

"Frank, Frank, Frank, do you love your kids?" Todd asked frantically, his words racing. "Yes, very much," Frank answered. "Because they're good and don't screw-up, right?" "Todd, I love my children no matter what. Everyone messes up sometimes. No matter what kids do, parents should love them," Frank gently explained. "No! If you're bad you get punished. If you mess up you pay the price. You have to be a man and face the discipline. Tell me! Tell me!" "Tell you what, Todd?" Frank asked, tenderly. "How do your kids get you to love them? Tell me! I'll learn it. I'll remember it. Please! What kind of things do they do to get to be loved? How do they keep from screwing up? Please! I made my dad hate me and my mom leave me and now Sam hates me and Viki's gonna leave and Téa hates me. Doctor Hanen's gonna leave and you and everyone. You're all gonna leave me! WHY WON'T ANYONE TELL ME WHAT I DID! HOW CAN I KEEP FROM DOING IT AGAIN IF YOU WON'T TELL ME WHAT I DID!"

"Todd, you need to calm down. You're becoming too agitated," Susannah calmly told him. "WHY WON'T ANYONE TELL ME THE TRUTH!" Todd screamed, in frustration and then buried his head in his knees again and started to cry. "Todd, dads and moms love their children, no matter what they do. If they don't, it's not the child who is at fault, it is the parent. Your mom and dad both had a lot of problems. There was something wrong with them, not with you. You were a great kid and you are a great young man. Anyone would be proud to have you for a son," Frank was not only assuring him, but he meant every word.

"They think I'm too crazy to tell me the truth," Todd thought to himself, "why can't I get it right like other people do . . . I'm cursed . . . I'm cursed! . . . Even God hates me . . . I'm meant to stay like this forever . . . There's no help for me . . . No matter what I do nothing will ever change for me . . . I have to be punished . . . It'll never stop . . . Never!" Todd's heart was racing as these thoughts pounded his brain. He did not hear Frank, and then Susannah call to him as his mind raced as fast as his heart. He couldn't stop the thoughts. They kept bombarding him. "Delgado . . . I have to see Delgado . . . Why? . . . Why do I have to see Delgado? . . . Why can't I remember? . . . She hates me . . . She'll think I'm disgusting . . . Pity . . . She'll pity me . . . I can't . . . I can't let her see me like this . . . I have to . . . I need to see Delgado . . . Oh God! Why can't I remember what to say to her. . . I had something I wanted to say to her . . . What's happening to me? . . . The drugs! . . . They're doing this to me with the drugs . . . It's part of my punishment . . . Asa . . . Asa and Bo and Kevin . . . Maybe Clint too . . . Why is Viki letting them do this to me? . . . I hurt her . . . I didn't help her . . . Now she's letting them do this to me . . . Sam don't want me to bother him . . . He has his own son . . . A good son . . . His son . . . Will, yeah, Will . . . Will gets it right . . . Sam goes home to him . . . Will gets to live with Sam . . . He doesn't have to be punished because he knows how to be good."

Todd was terrified. He didn't know what was happening to him. He wanted to stop thinking. He wanted to disappear into that seductive nothingness and then to find himself in Papa's arms. He wanted to feel the intense love and warmth and safety he felt inside. He heard the cries. "No! mama loves me!" "Not true. Mama lies!" "Mommy! I want mommy!" "Daddy, I'll be good! I'll be quiet" "Mama let him send us away." He hates us too. No one wants to be our daddy." "Always be polite and respectful. Mama don't like for us to be rude." "No daddy! No trunk! I'm not a skunk. I'm not a skunk." "Too many sheep! I want Mary's lamb, not the big sheep!" "I'm afraid of the dark." "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." "I want Téa to love me just a little." "The man tickled." "I didn't help Mama." "Shut up! Shut up! You stupid little bastards."

Todd lifted his head and threw it back so hard it hit the wall with a thud. He put his hands to his ears and screamed, "STOP IT! IT'S TOO NOISY! IT'S SO LOUD! BE QUIET! PLEASE! STOP IT! STOP IT!" Susannah knew something different was happening to Todd. The intrusive memories had triggered something. She wanted to allow him to feel it and to try to work through it, but she was concerned for his physical health. She was afraid that a seizure could be triggered at this level of excitement. Susannah was debating whether or not to help him with some sedation.

Téa had cautiously gone through several red lights and broken the speed limit, as she rushed to Susannah's office. She was grateful that she hadn't been pulled over by a cop. As she entered Susannah's outer office she heard Todd's screams. "Oh God!" She said out loud. Téa headed for the inner office. "Téa, wait!" Terry blocked her way. "Let me find out if it's still all right for you to see Todd." "He wanted to see me! I'm going in there!" Téa firmly asserted. "Téa, it's sounds like he's out of control. Just let me check fir . . ." Téa pushed past her, not giving Terry a chance to finish her sentence.

"Todd! Todd! It's me Téa. I'm here." Todd froze. He sat with his knees up to his chest. His head pressed to the wall. All eyes were on Téa, but she didn't notice. She headed for Todd and knelt down to where he sat.

"Téa, Todd is very upset. You need to wait outside right now and . . ." Todd cut Susannah off. "No! I want to see Delgado. I have to see her. Delgado! Delgado! Are you still here?" Todd got on his knees and sat back on his heels. He moved his head in a frenzied fashion, trying to determine if Téa was still there.

"Yes, Todd. It's all right. I'm here. I'm not leaving." Téa looked at Susannah as she said that. Todd's speech was still going a mile a minute. "Delgado! Delgado! I tried to find out what married people do. I tried to get it right. I messed up. They won't tell me. Delgado, they won't tell me. How can I get it right if they won't tell me! I don't know what to do. Everything I try is wrong." Todd ran his fingers through his hair and pulled it off his face. Todd was now speaking so rapidly he was having trouble catching his breath. "Oh God, Delgado, he told me puzzles were good. I got puzzles. That wasn't right. That wasn't right! I went to that inn with you and I messed up again. I can't get it right. Why can't I ever get it right!" Todd was speaking so quickly, it was difficult to follow him, but Téa managed to hear every word. Tea knew this was always on Todd's mind, he had said similar things to her before, but she had never seen him like this. She tried to tell him it wasn't true the last time he came out when she was there and he just didn't believe it. She couldn't stand it. It was killing Tea to see him like this. She didn't know how to get through to him. Todd lowered his head and began mumbling to himself. "I never get it right . . . They leave . . . They all leave. I'm such a loser . . . They hate me . . . They won't tell me how to get it right . . . They won't tell me what I did . . . It'll never get better . . . I'll never get it right." Téa realized he was losing his connection with her.

Instinctively, she took Todd's hands in hers. She noticed they were trembling and as cold as ice. Todd gasped when he felt her touch. He pulled back. Téa didn't let go. She held on to his hands tightly. "Oh, don't pull away from me. Todd, please don't pull away from me. Listen to me!" "I CAN'T GET IT RIGHT, DELGADO!" Todd shrieked in the direction her voice was coming from. Téa released his hands and grabbed him by the shoulders. She shook him slightly. "YOU GOT IT RIGHT! YOU GOT IT RIGHT! YOU GOT IT SO RIGHT THAT I LOVE YOU LIKE I HAVE NEVER LOVED ANYONE. YOU GOT IT SO RIGHT THAT I CAN'T LIVE MY LIFE WITHOUT YOU. YOU'RE IN MY HEART AND IN MY HEAD AND IN THE AIR I BREATHE. EVERY PART OF ME IS CONNECTED TO YOU AND YOU THINK YOU DIDN'T GET IT RIGHT! I'M STILL HERE, TODD! I WANT TO BE WITH YOU, BUT YOU KEEP PUSHING ME AWAY. YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE LEFT BEHIND. I DIDN'T LEAVE YOU. YOU LEFT ME! I HATE YOUR ILLNESS BECAUSE IT TOOK YOU AWAY FROM ME, BUT I DON'T HATE YOU. I LOVE YOU! HOW CAN I GET THAT THROUGH YOUR HEAD, TODD! I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL. I'VE NEVER LOVED ANYONE THE WAY I LOVE YOU. WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO PROVE IT TO YOU!" Téa was screaming as loud as Todd had been.

"TÉA!" Both Sam and Viki shouted at her at the same time. Susannah and Frank pulled her away from Todd. Todd sat frozen. "Todd, it's all right. Téa is upset. Everything is all right. You need to go back to your room now. You need to rest. You can see Téa later." Susannah spoke calmly to him. She did not like where this was heading." Todd didn't budge. Téa stood close to him. She couldn't believe she had just done that. "Ay dios mio! Oh Todd, what have I done!" Téa thought to herself, panic setting in.

Angelo joined Frank and Susannah as they knelt next to Todd. He didn't seem to notice. Frank started to speak softly and calmly to Todd. "Hey buddy, come on, let's get you up." On a three count Frank and Angelo gently lifted Todd to his feet. Todd's expression was blank. He started to walk with them but suddenly stopped dead in his tracks. "DELGADOOOOO! WHERE ARE YOU!" Todd shrieked.

"I'm here Todd. I'm right over here." Téa called out. Todd reached out his hands. Trying to feel for where Téa was. Téa looked at Susannah. Susannah motioned for her to go to him. Téa took Todd's outstretched hands in hers. "I've got you. Todd I'm here with you." Todd hated that he couldn't see her. He hated that she was seeing him like this. He was terrified that she pitied him and yet at the same time he was so afraid she would leave him or that he would do something to hurt her. Suddenly, Todd remembered what it was he needed to tell Téa. Tears welled up in his eyes and spilled down his cheeks.

"You only had your robe on. Delgado, you must have been so cold. I'm sorry. I tried to bring you your coat and boots. No, no wait. That wasn't you. Was it? Delgado? Was it you? Oh I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

For the minute, Téa didn't understand what he was talking about. Then it came to her. "Are you talking about the night you threw me out into the snow?" "It was you . . . It was her . . . It was you . . . It was . . ." Todd was starting to mumble to himself again. Téa was afraid for him. She gently squeezed his hands as she continued to hold them. "Todd, it was me. It's all right. I'm not still angry." "But you went away and you never came back. You tried to help me. You tried to keep me warm, you . . ." Todd pulled his right hand away from Tea's left. He reached out and felt for Téa's hair. He stroked his hand across it. "You have such pretty hair . . . I tried to bring you your coat and boots . . . No, not you. My mom." Todd's thoughts were clearing.

"Delgado!" Todd reached out for Téa's hand again. He held on to it tightly. "I'm just like him. I'm just like him. He threw my mom out into the snow. She only had on a robe and he threw her out. There was a storm outside and he threw her out of the house. I did that to you. I'm just like him. You hate me! You should hate me!" "Todd, listen to me. I don't hate you. I have never, ever hated you. I have been angry with you. I have been furious with you. I have not understood you, but I have never hated you. I love you. I think I understand what happened that night. I pushed you to do something you weren't ready for." Téa was not sure how much she should say to him. Her understanding of why he reacted the way he did that night was probably much greater than his. She had to be careful not to say too much.

"I remember some of it. Delgado, you . . . You made me feel like . . . " Todd's head shot up. He looked like he was seeing something. "She touched him. She put his hand on her breast and then she touched him. He was yelling at her. He was screeching that no one forces him. That he was the man and he was the one who decided when and who he was going to fuck." They noticed that Todd sounded uncomfortable saying that last word. Susannah wondered if some part of him was remembering his mother's admonishment about using foul language.

"Delgado, he called her a filthy whore. He told her she disgusted him. He said, 'look at you! Begging for it like a dog.' He told her they couldn't pay him to touch her. That bastard! He was cheating on her and then he humiliated her, and then he threw her out of the house into a storm." "Mama don't like us to use dirty words." They all noticed it was a child's voice that said that, as Todd dissociated for a moment. Todd shook his head, to clear it. "Who was that?" Todd shocked them with that question. Before anyone could answer him, the flood of memories continued. "Oh God, he didn't care what happened to her. Oh God, Delgado! I tried to help her. I tried to bring her a coat and boots, but he caught me and threw me out too. She was shivering. She was crying and shivering. She kept saying she couldn't believe he would throw her out into a storm. She kept repeating it over and over again. Delgado, is that how I made you feel? Did you feel like you couldn't believe I would do that to you? Did you think I didn't care about you? Did I humiliate you and make you feel like a dog begging and a dirty whore? Oh God, Delgado. Did I? Did I do that to you?"

Tears were streaming down Téa's cheeks. "Yes. That's how I felt," Téa admitted, in a choked voice. Todd pulled his hands back. He bowed his head and then fell to his knees and buried his head in his lap. His body was racked with sobs. Téa looked towards Sam and Viki. They were both crying. She looked to where Susannah, Angelo and Frank stood. Susannah nodded and motioned that it was all right for her to continue.

Téa got down on her knees. She put her arms around Todd. "No! Don't touch me!" Todd cried and pulled away. "I'm like that miserable bastard. That's why you hate me. I hurt you. I hurt everyone. That's what I do. That's why you hate me. That's why I threw you out in the snow, because I'm just like him. That's why you went away. She went away too. It wasn't long after that she went away forever. She promised she'd take me but she must have known I was just like him so she left without me. She left without me. She left without me!" Todd's breathing was becoming erratic. "She left without me," he repeated in a whisper. "Todd, your mother was scared. She was afraid of your father, not of you. She loved you." Téa looked towards Susannah again for reassurance that she was saying the right thing. Susannah motioned for her to go on.

"She was afraid Todd, she was afraid," Téa continued. "I was afraid too! I was so afraid of him. I wanted to get away from him. I would have given anything to get away from him!" "I know. What she did was wrong. Being afraid is no excuse for her leaving a little boy in that situation. I just want you to know that she didn't hate you. She loved you. I know how easy it is to feel your mother doesn't love you when she walks out on you." Téa gently rested her hand on his arm. This time Todd didn't pull away. Once again tears fell down his cheeks. "I'm sorry you were hurt that way too, Delgado. I'm sorry she left you. But don't you see? It happened to you too. You didn't grow up to be a monster. You didn't spend your whole life hurting people and doing horrible things. You didn't make everyone hate you. I deserve to be hurt. You don't! I hurt you. You have to hate me."

Téa reached up and wiped away some of his tears. Todd stiffened, but didn't pull away. "Todd, I don't hate you. I love you. You are not a monster. Yes, my mother left, and that made me feel unworthy of love too. It made me do some things I'm ashamed of. You're not the only one. I hated myself for some of the things I did. I disgusted myself. I felt like I had to be someone I wasn't because the person I was couldn't be loved. Do you know when I finally felt it was okay to be me, to be the real Téa?" Todd shook his head. "When I was married to you. You were the first person who ever made me feel cared for, for just being myself. Do you know how good it felt to not have to pretend? You saw every side of me that I kept hidden from everyone else and you accepted it. You even liked it. You made me feel like I was as good as you." Todd laughed sadly. "As good as me? Delgado! I'm a rapist! I'm crazy. Everyone in this town hates me. They hate me so much that they would even do this to me just to keep me here and away from decent people. My father and Peter Manning were both miserable bastards and I'm worse than either of them. I'm so bad that even they saw it from the minute I was born. Ask anyone. Ask anyone who's ever known me. They'll tell you."

Téa desperately wanted to get through to him. He was lucid and she knew he was able to hear her and understand what she was saying and she didn't want to lose that opportunity. "Todd, there are reasons why people are the way they are. I'm not saying you didn't do some terrible things, but terrible things were done to you."

Téa could see panic in his eyes. She was afraid she had gone too far. Todd pulled away again. "How can you touch me? How can you even want to look at me or talk to me? You hate me. Tell me the truth. You don't have to pity me. I don't want your pity, Delgado. Tell me you hate me. Tell me! TELL ME!" "I don't hate you and I don't pity you. I love you. Todd I never stopped loving you." "But I threw you out in the snow, and then you were gone. Your bed was empty . . . I remember . . . I thought I heard you and I went to look for you . . . "

Todd suddenly looked startled. He jumped up to a standing position. "THAT'S MAMA'S BED! GET OUT! YOU'RE NOT MY MAMA!" This time it was Todd's voice shouting those words. Susannah intervened. "Todd, tell me what you're seeing." "There's a strange lady in mama's bed. I heard a lady's voice and it woke me up. I thought mama came home. I went to look. Make her go away. If she's here mama will never come home. I HATE YOU! YOU'RE NOT MY MAMA." Todd went through the same pulling motions that Storm had gone through. "Tell me what's happening," Susannah asked. "I tried to pull her out of mama's bed. Todd looked up. Terror filled his eyes. "My father got out of bed. He was naked. He dragged me to my room and then went back to his and mama's room. I heard him fighting with the lady. I heard him hit her. She left. Maybe mama will come home." Todd was talking to himself more than to those in the room with him.

Susannah had to think quickly, before this window of opportunity closed. Physically, Todd was strong enough to handle it. She decided to pursue it. "Tell me what happened after the woman left." Todd's breath was coming in short gasps. "He started cursing her out. He was so mad. Oh God! He's mad." Todd got down on his knees and sat back on his heels. He started rocking back and forth, but he continued.

"I heard him downstairs. I heard the bar stuff clink. He was drinking. I wanted to hide under my bed but he gets really mad when I do that. No! Mama I'm scared! He's coming upstairs. Mama! Please come home and help me! Mama! Why did you leave me! Tell me! Mama! Mama tell me why. I'm so scared. You promised to take me with you. Please don't leave me. Mama! Please come back for me!" Tears were pouring down Todd's cheeks.

"Todd, it's not happening now. Now you're safe here in my office. Your family is all here. Viki and Sam and Téa are here with you. Frank and Angelo and I are here with you. We won't let anyone hurt you," Susannah comforted him. Todd was making tiny whimpering sounds. His breathing was still erratic, but he was calming down a little. "Do you want to be held?" Susannah asked. "No! I don't want to be touched!" "All right, it's okay. No one is going to touch you," Susannah assured him.

Susannah knew something was going on with him. His actions and reactions were atypical since he came out. As the memories surfaced Todd was flooded with raw trauma. He was leaping in and out of reality. Susannah was afraid that the floodgates had opened too abruptly and too quickly. Todd would not be able to digest the trauma this time either and would not experience relief. "Todd," Susannah asked gently, "tell me about your mom. Tell me how you felt about her leaving?" "I was scared. I didn't want to be left alone with him," Todd whispered. "Were you afraid your dad was going to hurt you?" She asked. Todd nodded yes and then said. "I wanted to know what I did. I must have done something so bad and stupid. She just couldn't take having such a loser and a screw up for a son any more. That's why Viki and Sam and Delgado are going to leave me too. They can't take being around me anymore."

Viki couldn't keep quiet anymore. She felt as if her heart were being ripped out of her chest, with pain for Todd. She knelt down beside him; opposite from where Susannah was kneeling. "Sweetheart, it's Viki. Baby, I'll never leave you. Please tell us how we can make you believe that we will never leave you. Sam and Téa will never leave. We love you. We love you with all our hearts."

"NO! My mom loved me! She loved me. She did! She told me. She said I was a good boy. She said she was proud of me and that I was smart and special to her." "Pal, no one is saying your mom didn't love you. Of course she did. She loved you very much," Sam tried to comfort.

Todd shook his head violently. "STOP LYING TO ME!" "Sweetheart, no one is lying to you," Viki didn't know how to help him. "She did say she loved me, but she left me. She said she thought I was smart and she was proud of me, but she was lying so I shouldn't feel bad. She really knew what a stupid, worthless loser I was. She knew my dad was right about me and she didn't want me for a son either, so she left me. She left me!" "How did that make you feel about her?" Susannah asked.

Todd stopped rocking. "I loved my mom," he cried. "I know you did, but that doesn't mean you had no feelings about her leaving you. How did you feel about your mom leaving you?" Susannah pushed. "I loved her. I loved her! I . . . I-I-I lo . . . I HATED HER!" Todd shrieked. "She pretended to love me and then she wouldn't tell me what I did. She didn't give me a chance to fix it and be good enough for her to want me to be her son. I hate her! I HATE HER!"

Todd realized what he had just said. "Oh, God! NOOOO! Mama! Mama! I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. Mama please come back. I didn't mean it! I love you. Mamaaaa! I love you. Please come back and take me with youuuu. MAMAAAA!" Todd reached out wildly and felt Viki's shoulders. "Mama?" "No, sweetheart, it's Viki. Baby, it's all right. Your mama knew you loved her. She knew it, and she loved you." Todd was weeping uncontrollably. He buried his head in his lap. Susannah held up her hand to let Viki know to give him some time to gain some control. After several minutes Todd lifted his swollen, tear stained face. "Mama loved me?" Todd asked, plaintively. "Oh yes. Sweetheart, I know she did. She loved you very much. She was just scared. You're dad abused her and she just had no more fight left in her. She didn't leave because she didn't love you. She left because she just couldn't take your father's abuse anymore." Viki spoke softly.

Todd sat up on his knees. "But I didn't want to be with him either. I was so scared that sometimes I couldn't even move or think. I was scared all the time. Just like I'm always scared now. I was her little boy. She knew he was mean to me. She knew he hated me. I wanted him to love me so bad I . . ." Todd stopped talking again, then started to scream, "DELGADO! DELGADO ARE YOU STILL HERE?"

Téa rushed to his side. Susannah stood up, making room for Téa to kneel next to him. "I'm here Todd. I'm right here by your side," Téa informed him. "I know how it feels. Delgado, I know how it feels! I do. I know how it feels. Oh God, Delgado. I know how it feels!" "Todd, it's all right. Shhhh, tell me. You know how what feels?"

Todd turned in the direction of her voice. "I know what it's like to feel like a dog begging for a bone. That's what I did with him, with my dad. I wanted him to love me so much, but he always made me feel like dirt. I hated myself. I was so ashamed of myself. I tried to be just like him and he would still laugh at me and he hated me even more. I would do anything for him to love me or even like me, even a little. No matter what he wanted I would do it. No matter what. No matter wha . . ."

Todd stopped abruptly. They could see a look of terror in his eyes. His whole body started to tremble violently. "Is he having a seizure?" A terrified Téa mouthed to Susannah. Susannah shook her head. She once again, knelt to where Todd still sat, hunched on his knees.

"Todd, tell me what's happening. Are you remembering something?" Susannah pressed forward. "The lady left. I heard my dad coming up the stairs." "Did he come into your room?" Susannah asked, softly. Todd nodded yes. "He didn't say anything, at first. He stood in the doorway. I remember he was licking his lips. Why? . . . I . . . he just kept licking his lips and looking at me. Ohhhh, I want my mama! Mommy! Mommy please!" Todd begged and suddenly started to crawl away from them. Frank and Angelo approached him as he crawled, but did not touch him. Todd felt for the wall. When he found it he once again sat back on his knees and heels.

Todd stared off. His eyes were still filled with terror as the memories he couldn't stop continued to assault him. Todd seemed to calm down a little as he continued to talk. "He said I made her leave. That I made the lady leave." Todd started to look confused. "He didn't sound mad. I thought he'd be real mad at me. He said, she was a stupid bitch anyway and he didn't care that she left. He was talking to me like I was someone worth talking to. He came and sat down on the bed, next to me. He doesn't usually do that. He asked me what I thought of her? He was talking to me. My dad was really talking to me."

"Did you like having your dad talk to you like that, sitting next to you on your bed?" Susannah asked. Todd shrugged. "I guess. I was hoping that he started to like me. Maybe he wanted mama to come home too and he was glad the lady went away." "Did you tell him what you thought of her?" Susannah inquired. "I said that she's not as pretty as mama and mama has nicer hair." Todd reached up and brushed the top of his head with his right hand, as if he were brushing something away.

"He patted my head and said, 'your hair is a lot like your mother's.'" Todd's face became flushed. He looked ashamed. "He said, 'you're a pretty little boy. Look at you! Your hair and eyelashes and skin, you're disgusting! Boys shouldn't be pretty.'" Todd held his head down. A large tear escaped and ran down his left cheek. "Todd, you were a beautiful child. There's nothing wrong with that. So were Kevin and Joey. Your dad was wrong to say that to you," Viki comforted him.

"He asked me if I was jealous of that lady being in bed with him. I wasn't! I wasn't! I just wanted Mama to be there instead. He started to move closer to me. I could smell the liquor on his breath. I could feel his breath. It was warm. It was making me feel like I was going to throw up. He asked me if I wanted to be in bed with that lady. No! I didn't! I swear I didn't! I told him no. He said, 'no, I'll just bet you don't. It's your mother you want to be in bed with, isn't it?' He said, 'come on, it's just us here now. You can tell me. You want to be in bed with your precious mama, don't you?'"

Todd stopped talking. He started to look even more confused and frightened. "How did you feel when he asked you that?" Susannah hoped he was strong enough for this. "I wanted him to go away and I wanted him to stay and talk to me too. He was acting like I was worth talking to," Todd repeated. "Do you know why you also wanted him to go away?" Susannah asked. "I was scared of him," Todd whispered.

Todd started to gently rock himself again. "I told him I liked laying down on the bed with mama." Todd's lower lip started to quiver. "I messed up again. I said the wrong thing. He started to look like he hated me again. He stood up and he started to say he knew it and that I was disgusting, that I was a mama's boy. No! No!" "What, Todd, tell me what's happening," Susannah coaxed. "He said, 'you want to fuck your mama don't you? Is that why you want her back in that bed?' I didn't understand what he meant, but I knew it was really bad. He said 'you always loved that whore of a mother more than you did me. You always tried to be good for her and to make her happy, you little shit.'"

Viki, Sam and Téa shifted uncomfortably. They were becoming very afraid for Todd. They watched in horror as Todd agonized through the memories that, this time, he couldn't stop.

"My dad pulled me up so that I was standing on my bed," Todd continued, on his own. "He was holding me by the arms. It hurt." Todd started to rub his outer arms. "His fingers were cutting into my arms. He said, 'your mother is never coming back. Never! She didn't really give a shit about you. She found someone she enjoys fucking better than either of us. She got tired of playing mommy to such a stupid, worthless, little loser. She's ashamed that you are her son. She and her new husband are probably laughing at you right now, but still you're loyal to her above me. You spoil my fun, for her! I'm the one who puts a roof over your head. I'm the one who feeds you and puts clothes on your back. I'm the one you should worry about being nice to. You never care about being good for me.'"

Todd's was trembling once again. "I was so scared. I didn't know what to say. I told him I wanted to be a good boy for him and nice to him. He said, 'you want to be a good boy for me?' I nodded yes, but I was real scared. He was looking at me funny. He said 'you want me to show you what I was going to do to that whoring bitch tonight, do you, Todd? You spoiled tonight for me. Just like you spoiled everything else in my life. Do you want me to show you what you spoiled? Do you want me to show you what I was going to do to her?'"

Todd was pressing his body up against the wall as hard as he could. It was as if he wanted to disappear into it. Viki started to feel lightheaded and held on to Sam for support.

"My dad was still being nice to me. He wasn't yelling and he wasn't hitting me or disciplining me. I didn't want him to stop being nice to me," Todd cried. "I told him I would be a good boy. He said, 'say it!' Say it Todd. Say you want me to show you what I was going to do to that whore.'" "I want my mama!" Todd wailed. His body stiffened. For a moment he didn't move a muscle.

"DELGADO! DELGADO! I'M SORRY! Delgado, oh Delgado, I'm sorry. Please. I'm so sorry. Don't leave me. Don't go to Andrew. Please. I'm so scared. Don't go away forever. I'm so scared that you're never coming home again. I made you feel like a dog begging for love. That's what I did with him. I would have done anything to make him love me. No matter what he wanted I would have done it. I . . . oh no! Oh no! OH GOOOOOD!" Todd's scream was gut wrenching and seemed to come for the core of his soul. Téa couldn't take it. She started to put her arms around him. "NOOOO!" Todd pushed her away. Téa fell backward, but caught herself before her head hit the floor. Sam quickly helped her up. She started to head back to where Todd sat, but Susannah and Frank, each held a hand up, warning her to stay back.

"No! Don't touch me! Delgado! Don't force me. NO! Ohhh! Ohhhh! I was afraid to say that to him and I was afraid not to. I wanted him to go away and I wanted him to stay with me. When I didn't answer he started screaming at me. He said, 'maybe you're too stupid to know what to do to a whore.' He yelled at me to take my pajamas off. He held me down. He . . . He . . ." Todd stopped talking as he saw his father pushing his erect penis toward his mouth. "NOOOO! STOOOOOP! MAMAAAAA!" Todd jerked his head from left to right and back again, trying to get it away from the vision he saw. He felt Peter slap him hard enough to leave him dazed. "He told me things can feel bad or they can feel good and it was up to me." Todd suddenly doubled over. "He's hurting me. He's squeezing me. It hurts! It hurts!" Todd felt like the air had been knocked out of him. He gasped and could hardly get the words out.

Susannah realized that Todd could have gone away at any time. He needed to do this now. He needed to remember. "Ohhhh! Ohhhh! I hate me! I hate me!" "Why do you hate yourself, Todd? Your dad was hurting you. He was molesting you. Why do you hate yourself?" Susannah asked. Todd took a deep breath, as if he were starving for air. "I let him. I LET HIM! Oh God! I was so scared. I didn't want him to hurt me anymore. I wanted to make him stop. I wanted to make him like me. I wanted him to leave me alone. I wanted him to stay with me. I loved him. I hated him. I was so afraid. Mommyyyy! Make him stop! He held my face in his crotch and I let him put it in my mouth. Oh God. I sucked his dick. I sucked my dad's dick! I hate me. I'm disgusting! I HATE ME! I thought that would make him stop hurting me and be nice to me again. I wanna be dead. I'm disgusting. I'm disgusting! Oooooh." Angelo saw Todd was about to throw up and quickly, ran for the wastebasket and put it under Todd's chin. Sam started to go to him, but Viki held him back. Of all those in the room with Todd, Viki knew best what he was feeling. "He won't want to be touched," she warned him.

As the memories continued to assault him, Todd threw up until there was nothing left to vomit. Susannah needed vitals done on him, but she also knew that he could not be touched right now. Finally, Todd lifted his head and crumbled back against the wall. Low moans emitted from his being. In an extremely weak voice Todd muttered, "I made a mess. He'll punish me . . . " "Todd, there's no mess. It all went into the wastebasket." Susannah cut him off. She was afraid he would start trying to lick it up." "Ohhh," Todd moaned. They could see he was weak.

"Todd, it's Doctor Hanen. It's okay. Everything's going to be all right. You're in my office. Sam, Viki and Téa are still here. You're safe. That happened a long time ago. No one will hurt you now. You're safe. I want you take some deep . . ." A look of horror covered Todd's face. "Delgado's still here!" He cried out softly, his body no longer having the strength to shout. "She heard! No! No! No! She'll hate me even more now. God! Please kill me. Please. I don't want to be alive. Please! No! Oh no!"

Téa, who had been standing there, as still as stone, shocked by the horror of what had been done to the one person on earth she loved more than anyone, sprang into action. "Todd, please. I don't hate you. I love you. I love you so much. I will never stop loving you. I'm so proud of you for remembering. You are stronger than anyone I know to have survived all you did. Don't feel ashamed in front of me. You did nothing wrong. Your dad abused you and violated you. You were just a little boy and you had no one to protect you. He's the one you should hate not yourself. Please don't be ashamed. You didn't do anything wrong. You were trying to protect yourself."

Todd brought his hands to his ears. He started rocking wildly. The noise inside his head was deafening. He started to feel far away and unreal. He wanted to reach out for Téa. He wanted Sam and Viki. He wanted to tell Susannah that he had a sensation of a monster doing that to him before and after this incident. He had felt his face being pushed into the monster's crotch before. This was not the first or last time. Todd felt like he wanted to start screaming and never stop.

Inside, Goodone knew that Todd had enough, perhaps too much. He knew his son could not take any more. He did not want Todd to remember what happened after Peter had forced oral sex on him. No, Todd was not ready to remember that yet. Todd needed to be comforted and then rocked into a long, deep sleep. Goodone had helped Susannah to help Todd today, but now he had to pull Todd back inside to save him.

Drastic measures were called for. Todd's memory had caused pandemonium inside. The system was in total chaos. Not all the alters had been affected, but those who were, were acutely affected. Goodone and Carol were afraid for their children, as was Miss Perkins. Andy was hiding under his bed. Timmy had pulled himself into a little ball. Both were both crying hysterically. Thomas was stamping his feet and pounding his fists into his thighs, wanting to hit Todd for saying he hated mama. Storm and was hiding under the table. Tom trembled in Miss Perkins' arms. Rocky wanted to yell, scream, curse and hit them all for saying so many bad things about his dad. He wanted to hurt Todd for making them say those things and for causing trouble. Saber saw Todd's agony and smiled to himself. Brina was screaming in agony as every part of her body became filled with excruciating pain. Angel brushed her hair. She would be ready if her father came to her. Scared and Braver and Lisa and Sarah were holding on to each other for dear life.

Mike did not like it when he had to step in and take control. He would speak with Goodone about his trust in Susannah and his desire to help in Todd's therapy, later. Mike rose from his seat; he understood this called for immediate action.

"Todd. Todd! It's Doctor Hanen. I want you to try to answer me. Todd, you're safe. Your dad is dead. He can't hurt you anymore. Come on Todd. Talk to me."

Todd stopped rocking. He sat with his knees tightly held to his chest. His head was not buried this time. It was upright. His eyes were glazed over, his expression blank.

Susannah stood up. She walked to where a pale and shaken Sam and Viki stood, holding on to each other. "Try to talk to him." She suggested. "Do you think I should try too?" Téa asked. "Not right now," Susannah answered, gently. She knew her answer would upset Téa. She would talk to her once this crisis had passed and explain to her what a fine job she had done today.

Sam and Viki both knelt down to where Todd sat, still staring blankly. "Todd, it's Sam." "I'm here too sweetheart," Sam and Viki announced, tenderly. "We're so proud of you, Boomer. You faced so much today," Sam praised him. "Todd, I know how horrible it was for you to remember the things you did. Sweetheart, you know I understand. You are so brave. I have never been prouder of anyone in my life than I am of you. I love you so much." Viki looked into his eyes to see if there was any reaction to what she just told him. There was none.

Viki, Sam and Téa's arm's ached to hold Todd tightly and never let him go. Not being able to touch him now was unbearable. Viki and Sam tried again. "Sweetheart, please talk to us. I promise you are safe. It was a memory. It can't hurt you." "We will never let you be hurt again, Pal." There was no response.

They both stood up and walked over to where Susannah stood with Téa, Frank and Angelo. Seemingly, Todd had lost his connection to reality and gone into a dissociative state. Susannah tried, unsuccessfully, to get Todd back or one of the other alters to come out. After fifteen minutes of trying Susannah told Angelo and Frank to help him to his room and put him to bed. She would ask Terry to do vitals on him, once he got there. She looked at her watch. It was almost time for him to be given his afternoon dose of Dilantin and a feeding.

Angelo and Frank knelt down and looked at each other to coordinate their lifting of Todd to his feet. They both placed their hands on his arms at the same time. Without warning "Todd" started screaming in the high pitch of a very young child. He scampered away from them. When he was several feet away he sat cross-legged on the floor and started rocking himself again, gently this time. His facial features and expression had changed to one they hadn't seen before.

Susannah told everyone to stay back. She approached him carefully. She stopped when she was a little more than arm's length away from him. "Todd?" He remained silent. "Can you tell me who's out?" Susannah tried. Cautiously, Susannah got a little closer and knelt down along side of him. "Do you have a name?" She asked. Susannah reached out and turned his face to hers. He pulled back and made a small sound, but still said no words. He stood up and ran over to Susannah's desk. Along the way he bumped into Frank paying no more attention to him than if he were a piece of furniture.

He ran across the room in a hyper fashion, the way a very young child, perhaps one going through the "terrible two's" would. He drummed the palms of his hands down on her desk several times. He picked up many of the objects on Susannah's desk, sniffing each of them. He also licked some of them, as if to taste them. He quickly seemed to lose interest in that and headed for the window. He ran to it in the same hyper way he had run across the room. He stared intensely at the window shade and started to play with it, making it go up and down. They noticed he was looking at the window shade with his head cocked at a peculiar angle his eyes gazing sideways from the right. He was making little clucking sounds to himself as he played.

Over ten minutes had gone by. He gave no indication of tiring of his game. His concentration on the window shade no less intense than it had been when he started. Susannah came within arm's length of him. "My name is Susannah Hanen. I'm your doctor. You are in Llanview Hospital. You are very safe here. There are a lot of people here who care very much about you and will always keep you safe. No one will ever hurt you. It is safe to tell us who you are." Susannah's tone was calm and reassuring.

They all noticed that this alter stared up at the ceiling, peripherally, as Susannah spoke to him. Susannah went to one of the cabinets in her office and pulled out a little boy and a little girl doll. She also pulled out a stuffed giraffe and a plastic truck. She held up the truck and the stuffed animal. "Would you like to play with a toy instead of the window shade?" He paid no attention to her or the toys. He continued to raise and lower the shade as he continued to make the unusual clucking sound.

"Do you have a name?" Susannah asked. He gave no response. She tried a different approach. "Are you a boy, like this doll, or a girl like this one?" She held up the two dolls. Again he gave no indication of hearing her. Susannah held the boy doll in front of his line of vision. He sniffed and licked it and the sleeve of top Susannah was wearing, not seeming to be able to tell the difference between the inanimate object and the human being holding it.

Téa, Viki and Sam were starting to wonder if this alter was deaf. Susannah did not. She was beginning to see a familiar pattern to his behaviors. "Time to stop playing with this now. It's rest time." Susannah said slowly. He paid no attention. "No more playing with the window shade," Susannah said firmly, as she put her hand on the window shade, not allowing him to raise and lower it any more. Reacting, as she was afraid he might, this alter started to jump up and down and scream, not words, but infantile squeals. He started to hit himself in the head with the palms of his hands. Susannah grabbed his wrists. She noticed he had very little strength and could not pull his arms back from her grasp. "AAHHH, AAHHHH!" He protested in the same infantile tone, and tried to squirm away. He never made eye contact with her. He gazed at the ceiling as he screamed. "I like your quiet hands," Susannah praised him and released his wrists. He immediately went back to playing with the window shade.

Susannah was reasonably sure what this alter's diagnosis was. She knew if she was right, he would have to be treated in a very special way and in a special program. For now, Todd's body had been through enough, and she needed to get him back to his room so he could rest and receive his medications. Susannah knew that right now she would not be able to handle the situation properly. Todd's family had to be informed about what she suspected and consent to the program she had in mind. Yet, she wanted to do her best to start proper treatment for this child right now. Susannah took his hand. "Let's go play!" Susannah hoped to get him to play in his room and then get him to bed. The little alter once again started to jump up and down, screaming and crying. Susannah released his hand. He gave his full attention back to the window shade. Susannah walked over to Frank and Angelo and spoke to them in a low voice, Téa, Sam and Viki couldn't hear what she was saying. Susannah went to her desk and took the lid off a plastic container. She took out some Hershey's Kisses and put them in her pocket. Frank approached this alter. Susannah stood about a foot away from the window. "Come here!" She spoke in a calm and firm voice. Angelo took the alter's hands down from the window shade. The child once again started to scream and cry. He tried to squirm away. He didn't seem to like to be touched. Frank stood behind him and gently placed his hands on the child's shoulders and walked him to where Susannah stood. "Good walking!" Susannah praised enthusiastically, her voice highly animated. She held a Kiss that she had unwrapped out to him. His crying continued, but lowered. His eyes were still shifted to the right, yet he seemed to see the candy held out in front of him. He made no eye contact with Susannah. He sniffed the candy in Susannah's hand and quickly grabbed it and shoved it in his mouth.

Sam, Tea and Viki were wondering what was going on. Susannah seemed to be treating this alter like a puppy. This time Susannah moved a couple of feet away from him. "Come here!" She repeated in the exact same tone. The child did not respond. Once again Frank used a full physical prompt to get him to Susannah. The young alter was still crying. He did not like having demands placed on him. "Yaaayyy! Great walking!" Susannah praised, exuberantly. She held another Kiss out to him. He once again sniffed it and then grabbed and ate it. Susannah continued this as they headed for the door, each time she increased the distance between herself and this little boy.

The others in the room pulled to the side, realizing that Susannah was going to try to lead this child to his room using the candy. Susannah knew this was not the ideal way to handle the situation but she needed to get him to his room without him going into a full-fledged tantrum. She knew that if he were physically restrained and brought to his room that would most likely occur.

Sam took Viki's hand. They both turned to Téa. "Susannah seems to know how to handle him. It'll be all right," Viki whispered. This child paid absolutely no attention to the others standing in the room as he passed them. He was either looking to the side or to the ceiling. He was still crying, but not screaming.

Kevin had arrived at the hospital and headed for Todd's floor. He noticed that hardly anyone was there. He asked, Marcia, who was at the nurses station, where everyone was. She informed him that they were in Susannah's office. "Do you know if Todd is out?" Kevin asked. "I'm not sure. The last I heard was that an other alter had come out. It's been pretty quiet. There's been no call for assistance." "Thanks," Kevin told her and headed down there. He would wait in the outer office. If it were Todd who came out, he would remain still and quiet until he passed by.

As Kevin headed down the hallway, he saw the odd sight of Susannah walking a few feet backward, stopping, calling "come here," and Frank leading a crying Todd to her. She would praise him and give him a candy. He would sniff it and then grab it and shove it in his mouth. "What the hell?" Kevin thought to himself. Kevin was sure this wasn't Todd. The sound of his crying was that of a very young child, more like a baby crying. Kevin held back against the wall as Susannah and "Todd" passed by him. He noticed his mom, Sam, Téa, and some of the other staff members following behind. They all looked upset. Kevin headed for them.

"Mom, I'm here. What's going on?" "Todd had some very traumatic memories and another alter came out. This one doesn't seem to be able to communicate with us," Viki informed him. "Was Susannah leading him to his room with candy?" "Yes, he started to become upset because he wanted to play with the window shade in her office and she stopped him," Téa further explained. "Was he able to tell you his name?" Kevin inquired. "No, he doesn't seem to be able to speak or maybe he can't hear," Sam theorized. "You think he's deaf?" Kevin asked.

Kevin seemed surprised. Then he thought out loud. "I guess if Todd can be blind another alter can be deaf." "Honey, we don't know yet." Kevin saw the pain in Viki's face. "What happened before this alter came out? Was Todd out?" "Yes." A tear slid down Viki's cheek. "What is it? Did something happen to Todd?" Kevin was getting anxious. "He remembered some of the sexual abuse. He remembered some things about his mother and how his dad threw her out into a snow storm," Téa confirmed. Kevin looked at her. "Oh man!" Kevin immediately made the connection. "Téa, I'm sorry." "I'm fine! Todd's the one you should be sorry for," Téa snapped. She was so filled with hate for Peter Manning. "I'm sorry, Kevin, I didn't mean to take it out on you," Tea apologized. "Did he remember being raped? Did Timmy come out?" Kevin asked a little more frantically. "No, it was Todd. Peep was out this morning and then another alter named Storm came out, but it was Todd who remembered. He remembered his father forcing oral sex on him," Sam informed him.

Kevin felt sick to his stomach. He could not imagine having to face something like that. He shuddered slightly. Kevin noticed Viki remained quiet. He took her hand. It was cold. "Mom, are you all right?" "Yes, honey. I'm fine. Or I will be. It never really goes away you know, it's always there. It will be that way for Todd for the rest of his life. He will learn to live with it, but it will always be there," Viki stated. "Mom, is it all right if I hug you?" Kevin asked, understanding that Viki might not want that right now. Viki smiled at her son. She took him in her arms.

"Good job walking to your room!" Susannah praised, once she had this child in his room. She gave him one more candy, which he took, once again. Even though he had to be physically prompted to do so he complied with her instruction, so she reinforced his behavior. She knew it was never too soon to start using Applied Behavior Analysis techniques with this alter. He was going to be a challenge. Steve, Angelo and Janet came into the room. Frank had quickly filled them in on what had transpired and left for the staff lounge. Frank needed a break. He could still hear Todd's agonizing screams. He could feel that every muscle in his body was tight as a drum with hatred for Peter Manning.

Sam, Viki, Téa and Kevin had also come into Todd's room. "Ehhh! Ehhhhh!" This alter cried out, jumping up and down again, when he realized he wasn't getting anymore candy. Susannah realized she would have to lay in a supply of M&M's and other tiny treats and dole them out one at a time, because having so many Kisses would make him sick, and possibly hyper. Susannah knew she had to find out what other reinforcers worked with this child.

"No more candy." Susannah said slowly and clearly. She put her hands on his shoulders and guided him to the toy box. He showed no curiosity in any of the toys. She wondered how much he was able to understand. He continued to jump and make the same sounds. Then, apparently not wanting the candy that badly, he stopped. He ran to one side of the room and then the other several times. Kevin and the staff members who hadn't seen it were surprised by how hyperactive this alter was. He started to run out of the door. They realized he was not trying to escape. He just wanted to go back out into the hallway, but Susannah knew Todd's body needed to rest.

Susannah indicated to Angelo and Steve that she wanted them to stop him. "Okay, hey buddy, come on. Let's go back inside," Steve said, blocking his path to the hallway. He tried to push past them. When he couldn't, he started shrieking and poking himself in the eyes. Steve held him from behind and slid him down to the floor with him. On the way down this new alter bit Steve's arm hard enough to break the skin and draw blood. "Janet, right leg, Angelo left," Susannah called out as she rushed over and helped stabilize his head. She gave Eileen an order for a sedative. The little alter continued to struggle.

Susannah was cautious with the dose of medication because she had no idea of his tolerance. She estimated his age at three to five years old. If in fact he was a he. Susannah knew she did not want to handle it this way in the future, but again, for now, without the time to explain the situation to everyone, this was necessary. As hard as it might seem to Todd's family, and even some of the staff, unless this little boy was causing real injury to himself or others, it would be best to ignore his tantruming. She would have to explain that to everyone in the debriefing.

Susannah was aware that he seemed hypersensitive to touch and realized there was a possibility that he might be hypersensitive to sound, taste, smell, and sight as well. She knew being in this new environment and the feel of all those hands on him was freaking him out. Being held was causing him great distress. His struggling increased, yet, when Eileen came in with the injection he seemed to have little response to it being administered.

Within a few minutes he started to calm. Susannah let go of his head. Cautiously, limb by limb, they released him. Although Steve's arm was still bleeding slightly, he continued to hold him gently. The little alter tried to raise his thumb to his mouth but because of the way he was being held could not lift his arm up. Susannah told Steve to release him. The child pulled away and curled up on the floor. He was already feeling very sleepy. The medication was working quickly. He started to suck his thumb and rock himself, while continuing to make small whimpering sounds. He soon fell into a deep sleep. Susannah had him moved to the bed. He was already overdue for the phenytoin and his feeding.

Susannah straightened up. She saw Todd's family huddled on the other side of the room. They all had the look of someone who had just witnessed and accident. "Just give me a few minutes and we'll talk," Susannah promised and headed for her staff. She spoke to Steve first. "You need to go to the ER and get your wound cleaned and then get a tetnus shot and have a baseline test for HIV and hepatitis. The latter is just policy and nothing to be concerned over. There has been an exchange of bodily fluids and we always do that as a precaution. They will probably start you on antibiotics. You'll also have to fill out an incident report. They'll have an occupational hazard packet down there with everything you'll need to fill out." Since Marcia had not been involved in the session or the restraint, Susannah turned to her, "please administer his meds and the feeding." Turning to the other staff members she said, "I want the rest of you to gather in the lounge."

Viki and Sam, kept staring at this alter as he remained curled up in his bed, sucking his thumb and sound asleep. He appeared very young and extremely vulnerable. Téa stared out the window. Lost in thought. Kevin paced nervously. Susannah asked them step outside with her. "Susannah, I'm sorry Steve was hurt, will he be all right?" Viki said as soon as they were all settled down. "Oh, yes, he won't need stitches or anything major. The tests and the tetnus shot are just a precaution. Neither he nor Todd are in any danger of infection from the other." Once assured of that, they all started to ask Susannah questions without giving her a chance to reply.

"Susannah, what the Hell is going on with this alter. Is he deaf?" Sam asked. "His behaviors were so strange, I mean really strange, "Téa, commented. "He seems wilder and more unpredictable than any of the others do. How young do you think he is? He certainly can walk and run, but he doesn't seem to be able to speak. Is he deaf, Susannah?" Viki pressed. "Did a new alter come out because of what Todd remembered?" Kevin asked. "Okay, let's just calm down for a minute and I will try to answer your questions," Susannah spoke soothingly. "This is an alter who hasn't been out before?" Sam asked for clarification. "Yes, I believe this is an alter who has never been out before. He may have already been in the system or Todd may have split off a new alter or fragment, and no, I don't think he is deaf. I believe this alter is male and approximately three to five years old, although I'm leaning closer to three." Susannah explained and then went on. "I'm reasonably sure that this one has no language skills. I am also reasonably sure that this alter is autistic." Most of the staff had already figured that out, but Viki, Sam, Kevin and Téa looked at each other with fear. Susannah could feel their anxiety increase. She was afraid that, of them all, this alter's behaviors would be the hardest ones for them to cope with. Getting into his world and even more, getting him into theirs would not be easy.