Kevin wanted to make things right with Tom. He wanted to be able to care for him as he did for Timmy. Thinking of Tom broke his heart. He could not believe his relationship with Todd had become so important to him. He was obsessed with it. Kevin knew there was nothing he could do about it right now. Right now there were just two things Kevin wanted . . . to have a drink and to see Téa. "I just like talking to her, that all!" he whispered to himself. He tried to fight the desire to do either of the things he desired. Kevin sat in the lounge struggling with those desires for another half-hour. Things were calm in the ICU. Kevin lost the fight. Disgusted with himself, he headed out to get a drink. He knew he would then try to find Téa.

*****

Susannah and her staff, current and new, sat in her office. Susannah had worked with some of the new techs and nurses before and was familiar with their work. She knew four of them from the hospital she was with in Chicago. She had called and asked them if they would be interested in becoming part of Todd's treatment team here in Llanview. It seemed like a hundred years, to Susannah, since she had asked some of the current team if they wanted to work with a young patient in Llanview Pennsylvania. When Susannah first realized that Todd would have to be transferred to the psychiatric unit, she had contacted Frank, Dave, Connie and Terry and asked them if they would be interested in coming to Llanview. The other two new members of the current new team had come highly recommended. Susannah would never hire someone she wasn't 100 percent sure about to work with Todd.

"I want to speak with you alone, before I introduce you to Todd and his family." Susannah's words were directed to the newcomers. "I know you have all read the history and progress notes. As you've read, although we were not able to successfully complete either the DES or the SCID-D with Todd or the alters because most of the questions were too triggering for them, from what we did get, Todd has tested off the wall on all criteria for DID. Even without the diagnostic eval, I have to say that I was reasonably sure of the DID diagnosis from the moment I met Todd."

Both the new and the current staff knew diagnostic tools like the Dissociative Experiences Scale and Structured Clinical Interview for DSM-IV Dissociative Disorders-Revised dealt with questions that might set Todd and the alters off.

"I know this is a lot to absorb and will take a few more readings before you are really familiar with this case. That's why I want to go over some of the specific details of treatment. We are dealing with a young man who has many co-occurring physical and mental illnesses. Unfortunately, we are in a situation where his physiological problems exacerbate the mental ones and the mental ones do the same to his physical health. We walk a very fine line with Todd. We also have to take his family into consideration, always. They are to be treated with the utmost respect at all times. Whenever possible, Todd's treatment is to be thoroughly explained to them before anything new is done to him. His family has been through more than anyone should have to bear. They are all starting to show signs of anxiety and depression themselves. They all have their own issues to deal with in addition to being scared to death for Todd. So, please, always take this into consideration when dealing with them."

"I see that at least one family member stays with him overnight," Mark, one of the newly hired nurses, commented.

"Yes. Sam, Viki or sometimes both spend the night with him. They have pretty much moved themselves into the private family lounge. It is necessary for the time being. Todd and the alters' dependency needs are extraordinary. In turn, since he almost died of pneumonia last winter, his family has become obsessively fearful of not being with him. Usually the first thing Todd does when he surfaces is reach out and call for his sister. If she is not around he quickly escalates . . . sometimes to a restraint and heavy sedation."

"He's regressed considerably since his blindness," Don, one of the newly hired techs, looked at his notes and commented.

"The blindness may allow Todd the excuse, but it's much more do to his unmet dependency needs and his physical and emotional illness," Susannah explained.

"I see he and some of the alters suffer from major depression in addition to DID, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and psychosis," Eileen, another of the recently hired nurses observed.

"Some of the alters' cognitive and motor skills have been effected as well. Tom and Timmy's thinking is becoming more disorganized," Susannah informed them. Then she added, "Before I forget to mention it, please do not refer to the various personalities as alters, to their face. Some of them find it insulting."

"Has he been successfully engaging and bonding with you and the staff?" Steve, another of the recently hired techs, asked.

"Many of the alters have developed a good level of trust with me and the staff. Todd still has a long way to go. His ability to trust was stolen from him long ago. Todd tends to push away the very people whom he wants most in his life. He pushes them away before they can reject and abandon him."

"Has any work with coping skills been done with him?" Janet, the last of the three newly hired nurses, inquired.

"Some, to help with anxiety attacks. He has been able to calm without meds on occasion. Other times he is unable to utilize them." Susannah filled them in.

"Do you already have a pretty good idea about how his system is set up?" Steve asked.

"The alters have been asked to do mapping . . . again, they became anxious when they realized they were divulging information about their system. I do try it periodically with them and each time their anxiety has escalated. To my knowledge, there has been no fusion or disintegration of any alters since Todd's been my patient. Only more and more alters coming forward. Mike is the alter whom I believe to be the gatekeeper. Other alters have reported that he seems to decide who comes and goes in the system. I believe it is Mike who chooses who is allowed, who's kept inside, who's sent away, who's put to sleep and who becomes dormant. I don't think he does this in the day-to-day operations of the system. I'm reasonably sure he acts only in times of crisis. I believe for the most part he allows the alters autonomy. Nevertheless, some of them fear being sent away by Mike."

"Was he the one who caused Andy to become dormant for so many years?" Janet guessed.

"I'm quite sure it he was. Mike has been mentioned by two of the alters as having been the one to send Andy away. Mike has yet to show himself. If there is a memory trace personality or an administrator personality, they have not yet shown up either. I suspect there is one because Todd was an excellent businessman. At times he seemed completely consumed and focused with the operations of his newspaper. If there is an administrator, he or she may also be responsible for organizing the system. There are alters who are not aware of each other. The antagonists, Rocky and Saber, whom I believe at this time to be the primary internal persecutor, have surfaced. There are three caregivers that we know of . . . Miss Perkins . . . Carol and Goodone. Some children are known to all of them and some to only Miss Perkins or to Carol and Goodone, who act jointly as parents . . ."

"Excuse me. Do Carol and Goodone consider themselves to be husband and wife?" Don asked.

"No. Carol is convinced that all husbands abuse their wives. Goodone may also believe that, so they do not consider themselves married. Goodone plays a very important role in Todd's system. He is the one Todd runs to when he goes inside. Goodone is the only one, whom we know of, who knows where Todd's hiding place in the system is. He also has the power to allow Todd to hear us or keep him from hearing us when he's inside. Goodone knows when Todd is overwhelmed and comforts him. If necessary, Goodone puts Todd to sleep. He wakes him when he feels the time is right. He seems to be able to judge just how much Todd is strong enough to endure. Goodone has also been instrumental in helping me bring Todd to the front and has agreed to work with me," Susannah informed them.

"That's a huge step," Eileen commented.

"Yes, very huge. I waited months for that connection. I'm not sure, yet, how much control Goodone has in the entire system. He seems to have good control of Todd. I believe he may be the primary internal self-helper," Susannah told them.

"Has he given you any information on the workings of the system?" Mark asked.

"Not much. I don't push him for information too much. His trust is slow in coming. He has already been sorry he helped me bring Todd out when Rocky hurt the body on our watch. I do believe that Goodone has valuable information on the inner system. When I feel the time is right I will pursue that with him," Susannah explained.

"Does Todd consider Goodone to be his father?" Eileen inquired.

"When he is inside, yes. He calls him Papa. Todd has only recently begun to have memories of being inside with Goodone."

"Is there co-consciousness between Todd and Goodone or between Todd and any of the alters?" Janet asked.

"When Todd was very young . . . mmmm . . . I'd say younger than six . . . he had a good co-consciousness with the alters who were around at that time. Then he started to fear them and assumed hearing their voices meant he was crazy. There is communication even now, but it is usually alters who want to terrorize him. I do believe Todd has always been able to hear some of the alters communicating with each other because he has complained of headaches and his head being loud and noisy all his life. We are having a lot of trouble with the internal persecutor."

"He doesn't want to align with the system?" Angelo, one of the other newly hired techs, asked.

With a frustrated smile on her lips, Susannah shook her head. "We are very far from that. I consider Saber, one of the internal persecutors, a much greater threat than Pete. Pete sometimes terrorizes Todd and claims to hate him and not care if he dies, but Pete is really a helper alter."

Looking at her notes, Eileen stated, "Pete is fourteen."

"Yes. He's full of rage and he can be very violent. Pete is proud of his violence and survives by intimidation. He usually stays to himself. He ridicules some of the younger alters, particularly Tom. Miss Perkins considers him one of hers. Unfortunately she has very little control, if any, over what he does within the system or in the world. Yet, I have seen vulnerability in Pete. I have seen him afraid. He can be reasoned with, at times. Pete claims to have no parents. It is very important to him that Peter and Barbara Manning are not to be considered his parents. It is also very important to him that we do not think that he was ever abused in any way. I'm reasonably sure he was. Escape and assault precautions have to be very strictly adhered to when Pete is out. Pete is also an impostor alter and likes to pretend to be some of the others, especially Todd and Tom." Susannah smiled. "Pete usually ends up giving himself away. Saber has shown no signs of fear. He has intense hatred of Todd and contempt for all the alters and for Todd's family and for the staff here."

The newly hired staff was becoming fully cognizant of how very ill Todd was.

"Is Saber the reason he's still on suicide precautions?" Don asked.

"Saber is one of the reasons. Todd is very depressed. So are some of the child alters. Suicidal ideation is still a problem. Todd has made statements wishing he were dead almost every time he surfaces. The Paxil was giving Todd some relief and his thoughts were becoming a little more organized. Unfortunately, Timmy, Tom and Andy all have worsening depression. I'm going to switch him to Zoloft. I also want to try risperidone with him. His family is having a hard time deciding if they should allow any more neuroleptics to be used on him. They are also very concerned about the Dilantin. His sister lost a daughter to lupus and when she was told that it could be caused by Dilantin she really freaked."

"It would be so rare for that to happen," Janet remarked.

"I know," Susannah agreed. "Viki was traumatized by Megan's, that was her daughter, death. Viki is more a mother than a sister to Todd. Both she and Sam Rappaport consider Todd to be their child and he thinks of them as his parents. Both of them have serious guilt issues where Todd is concerned. Todd's sister carries the guilt of their father giving Todd to abusive parents. Sam feels guilty because he was there when Todd was a child and teenager and he didn't recognize the signs of abuse, or at least not the extent of the abuse and he didn't rescue Todd."

They all shook their heads. "They must all be suffering greatly." Eileen verbalized what everyone was thinking.

"Yes, they are." The staff heard the sadness in Susannah's voice, as she continued. "There is also a problem with Todd's ex-wife and current wife being in competition with each other. Each hopes Todd will come back to them when he is well."

"I see he has a young daughter. Does she visit?" Don asked.

"No. Starr is too young and Todd doesn't want her to see him like this. He doesn't want his current wife, Téa, to see him like this either. I think he is starting to come around on that. He has given permission for her to visit two of the three alters that he knows about . . . Timmy a four year old . . . and Tom, a seven year old. Both of these alters love Téa very much. Tom has a huge crush on her that is complicated by his awareness that Kevin Buchanan, Todd's adult nephew, may have feelings for her as well."

Susannah passed out a page to each of them. "Here is the list of approved visitors. You can see an asterisk next to Kevin's name. He is allowed to visit with all of the alters, except Pete. He is also not allowed to visit with Todd when Todd is awake, at this point, but I plan on speaking to Todd. I believe Kevin is very important to Todd, for reasons I don't yet know. Their relationship has been extremely volatile over the years. Todd also has some very strong feelings for Bo Buchanan, the police commissioner. I hope to explore that with both of them at some time in the future, when Todd is more stable. Timmy idolizes Kevin and is very dependent on him. Timmy has been having extreme separation anxiety the last few times he was out. As I said, there is a problem with the two Mrs. Mannings and Kevin. I have warned all of them that I do not want them to visit Todd at the same time. Their anger escalates quickly and their words can have disastrous affects on Todd. You will also see an asterisk next to the name Dorian Lord Hayes. She is Blair Manning's aunt and is allowed to visit. There are times when Blair needs Dorian's moral support. However, she was caught looking at Todd's chart, without permission. If she comes to visit, I would appreciate it if a very close eye were kept on her. She and Todd's sister have a long and complicated history of problems with each other. Mrs. Hayes has been known to go out of her way to cause problems for both Viki and Todd. The visitors list is also posted in the staff lounge," Susannah informed them all.

"My goodness, things must get very complicated around here," Eileen declared.

"You cannot imagine," Susannah confirmed and then warned them, "Of all the cases I have worked on, Todd and his family are by far the most complicated. Todd is also the most seriously ill patient I have ever worked with. His abuse was very severe and chronic. He and most of the alters have great abandonment issues and unresolved grief. You can see in the history that the mother left when he was nine. He ran away to the house she and her second husband shared. She sent him back to his abusive father after six days. Then Jimmy, a fourteen year old alter, saw her again the day before she died. He saw her beg the father for permission to see him. He saw her being verbally and physically abused by the father this one last time. He immediately attempted suicide."

"His history reads like a horror story," Angelo proclaimed sadly.

"Todd is a testament to survival, that's for sure," Don added.

"Yes, he is. He has one of the strongest survival instincts I have ever known anyone to have. Yet he is very self-destructive. Self-mutilation and self injurious behavior are a big problem with Todd and many of the alters. Some of them feel no physical pain and self-mutilate to prove that. Some do it to hurt Todd or each other, some to punish themselves because of anger turned inward. Some of them may be trying to show us how much they're hurting or may be trying to feel. I believe they all experience psychic numbing at times. Pain may be the only way they feel that they are real and that they exist. At this point there is very little cooperation within the system. It is in chaos. Todd switches left and right, almost always spontaneously, sometimes even in his sleep. He has no control over it."

Susannah sighed deeply and continued. "Some of the alters are not aware of the others and there is very little therapeutic alliance between them. Timmy and Andy are very close and Tom has always been a caregiver to Timmy. Much of Tom's job has now been taken over by the family and Tom is feeling lost, in and out of the system. There are three psychotic alters whom we know of and Todd experiences psychotic episodes. He just had one this morning, after being taunted by Saber. Todd is also having a difficult time accepting the epilepsy diagnosis and is still in denial over the DID and depression diagnosis. He is despondent and hopeless. He begs for us to kill him or help him die. There are some fragment alters. There are two sets of twins that we know of. Each set of twins is never to be separated. They function together, as a unit," Susannah directed.

"Is he at risk for further dissociation?" Steve asked.

"I'm afraid so. There is a strong possibility that new personalities are still coming forward."

Susannah could see that the new staff members were already feeling great compassion for Todd and his family.

Janet flipped through some pages of the history. "Do you still believe his decompensation began when he found the body of that young girl who was killed last spring?" she inquired.

"Yes." Susannah nodded. "Todd was a high functioning multiple for most of his life. Once he found Georgie Phillips' body at Asa Buchanan's lodge he began to decompensate rapidly."

"Is that when his sleep disorder started?" Angelo asked. "No. According to Sam, Blair and Téa, Todd always had trouble sleeping. He was always plagued by nightmares."

"Do you think they were of past traumas?" Mark posed.

"Yes, I do. After Georgie, his sleeping disorder became extreme. He functioned on almost no sleep and both Sam Rappaport and Téa noticed a marked decrease in his appetite. His behavior became erratic. He was terrified of losing his wife and yet isolated from her. He became secretive. He had extreme mood swings. His nightmares increased. His paranoia increased and he became suspicious of everyone. Unfortunately, some of his suspicions were true. Bo, Asa and Kevin Buchanan were trying to pin Georgie's murder on him."

"Does he have any memory at all of the connection in circumstances between Georgie Phillips' murder and the murder he witnessed as a child?" Eileen asked.

"No, none at all. He can't face it. I believe that the reemergence of the repressed trauma, even to the other Todd, is why he developed a conversion disorder. His blindness is one way not to look at things, and more, a way to punish himself for what he believes to be his fault. He may also be suffering from survivor's guilt. I don't think he can forgive himself for remaining alive while Michelle died," Susannah theorized.

Eileen shook her head. She realized what a tortured soul Todd was.

"Have you done any therapeutic abreaction with him?" Mark asked.

"Some, to the limited degree of his tolerance and stability. Hypnosis was used. Some traumas were disclosed, but they were not successful abreactions. Todd was not able to handle the traumas these times either. He got no relief from the memories. The trauma was not digested and was forced back into its compartment immediately. Todd has not been stabilized enough, yet, to try any more therapeutic abreactions. He and the alters have many spontaneous ones, but again, they do not really help any of them in digesting the trauma and lead to little progress. Most of them suffer from intrusive flashbacks and thoughts."

"Has the trust level increased at all since he's been here?" Janet inquired.

"It has. Not nearly enough though. The child alters are engaging some. Todd has an extremely high level of resistance, not only to therapy with me, but also to some therapy to help him with the blindness. He has voiced beliefs that some of the town's people, especially the Buchanan's, are conspiring against him and paying me to keep him here. Being mentally ill is one of Todd's greatest fears. Control has always been a big issue with Todd. He is terrified of not being in control. He believes the drugs are making him feel crazy. He refuses all meds, even painkillers. All oral meds are administered through the NG tube. Unless they ask, we do not tell the alters or Todd that they are receiving medication. Most of the alters have a great fear of meds and of all medical procedures. Eventually, we will have to try to get Todd to take his medication willingly. Right now, he is not in a mindframe to decide for himself or to benefit from medication sessions. Most of them are terrified of even the most basic medical procedures. They will freak out completely when a doctor, other than myself, has to examine them."

"Do any of them eat willingly?" Angelo asked.

"Some of the alters do eat voluntarily," Connie spoke up, "unfortunately not enough to sustain them."

"As you read, the NG tube has been in for about six weeks now. I have to approach the family about putting in a PEG tube. I don't want to hit them with that on top of all they have just endured. I will talk to them about it in a few days," Susannah informed them.

"His weight seems to have stabilized in the past few weeks. He's only gained a couple of pounds though and he is still extremely underweight," Frank added.

"In addition to the chart at the nurses station, the alters' dietary preferences are also posted in the staff lounge," Susannah reminded them.

Dave chuckled. "We keep a wider selection of food in the pantry on our unit than anywhere else in the hospital. We are known to have a huge variety of goodies here and you will notice staff from other units coming around when they get the munchies."

"If any of them, especially Todd, use their fingers to eat with, no attention is to be called to it," Susannah instructed.

"Do most of the children like to be held and cuddled?" Eileen inquired.

"Yes. Most of them do, Timmy especially." Susannah smiled. "You will find he will almost always snuggle up to you, if you sit next to him. It's fine to hold him and hug him as long as you keep therapeutic boundaries. Thomas does not like to be held, especially by women. He may think it is some kind of betrayal to his mother. He is very protective of her. Don, Angelo, Steve, Mark, you have to be very cautious about any physical contact with Andy, should he come out. Touch from an adult male is very confusing to him. At this point, we believe he was the alter who was shown affection during molestation. He also holds feelings of pleasure that may have been experienced during sexual abuse. Andy does usually accept and even crave physical affection from Sam. He is, at times, terrified of male physical contact and at other times he thinks he has to allow it to be loved and may initiate it." Susannah made sure to let them know.

"Have there been any problems with Andy touching staff inappropriately?" Janet inquired.

"No, not as yet," Susannah responded. "Recently Andy has disclosed information about the sexual abuse. He is not prone to flashbacks but he did re-experience some of the trauma this time to the point that he started to go into shock. Since then some of the other alters have told us that Andy seems to be experiencing signs of a major depressive episode."

Eileen and Angelo sighed. They all remembered reading about the disclosure Andy made the last time he was out.

"Does Todd like physical affection?" Eileen asked.

"Todd used to shun any form of physical affection like the plague, except from his daughter. However, since his blindness, he not only accepts it he seems to be in desperate need of it from his sister. He also accepts it from Sam. Todd will sometimes accept it from me. He's still not comfortable with physical contact from the staff," Susannah clarified.

"Oh, there's an alter named Jimmy who experiences tremendous pain when touched," Terry spoke up.

"Yes, thank you Terry. I'm very glad you brought him up," Susannah praised. "Jimmy is profoundly depressed and suicidal. He doesn't come out very often. Unless touch is needed for treatment, or if things change and he initiates it, there is to be no physical contact with this alter."

"Do you or the staff use any pet names or terms of endearment for any of them?" Eileen asked.

"At various times we use honey or hon, sweetie or sweetheart with most of the children and sometimes with Todd. They seem to take comfort in it. Thomas becomes very upset and feels rejected if I . . . and sometimes the staff . . . do not call him honey or if Sam doesn't call him Boomer, a pet name he has had for Todd since he was a child. Viki usually calls them sweetheart or baby and Téa and Blair also use terms of endearment with most of the children and Todd. They do not seem to have a problem with it triggering any traumas. Most of the children thrive on affection and are desperate to be mothered. As I said, their dependency needs are great. If some of the little ones forget and call you mommy," Susannah directed at the three women, "please correct them and then assure them and let them know that even though you are not their mother, you are there for them and they are very safe here."

"Do any of them have trouble staying in the present, when not experiencing a flashback?" Steve asked.

Susannah nodded. "Most of them have, at times, only much less than they used to. Most of them are oriented to person and place, but not date. Tom experiences a lot of confusion. He has a talking watch that gives the time and date and that helps him a lot. He becomes very upset when he comes out and discovers he is not wearing it. It is kept in the top drawer of the night stand when he's not around." With a big smile on her face, Susannah continued. "Tom wants to learn to rollerblade and, hopefully, soon you will be seeing him skating up and down the hallways."

"Do they have a problem sharing their things?" Angelo asked.

Carl answered. "Thomas does, but just slightly and only with some of his things. Mostly, he is resentful for the time Goodone spends with Todd. Many times Thomas comes out when the system can't handle the anger, resentment and frustration he's feeling because Todd is taking up so much of his papa's time. For the most part they are giving and generous, to each other and to us." They heard the admiration in Carl's voice.

"Do they all realize their parents are deceased?" Don asked.

"No. Most of them do not realize the mother is dead. They fully expect her to come back to them, especially Timmy. He has been told his mother is very far away and that she is safe from the father. Jimmy, Pete and the adult alters understand that the parents are dead. Todd knows. At times he becomes delusional and thinks his mother is alive. He very often confuses Viki with his mother. He believes he did something horrible to make the mother leave and he sometimes begs her to tell him what he did so he won't cause her to leave him by doing it again. I have to warn you . . . when that happens it is very hard to watch. It will rip your heart out. If that should occur and you feel you need a break and it is appropriate to leave for a few minutes, please feel free to do so. A staff debriefing after such incidents is also helpful," Susannah made sure to inform them.

"What about the father? Do they realize he is deceased?" Janet pressed.

"Todd usually remembers, but he has flashbacks and nightmares that cause him to believe the father is still alive, so does Tom. Only Tom is more confused and needs to be reminded that the father is dead and can't hurt him. Most of the other children do not realize it. Rocky is the one I worry about the most as far as that goes. He idolizes the father and fully expects him to come here and save him. He believes that the father will 'get us' for speaking against him. Rocky will be devastated when he eventually learns the truth. If he starts coming out more often I will not be able to keep it from him because it will impossible work with him if he's expecting his father to charge in here and beat up the staff and save him. Rocky is one of the only alters we know of, so far, who got along with the father. The father showed him some affection, in a sick and perverse way. Rocky soaked it up like a sponge. The father has twisted many of his perceptions about sex and woman. Actually, he did that to all of them," Susannah added, disgustedly.

Angelo thought of the Activities of Daily Living. "I see that they all need assistance with personal hygiene. Are there any special bathing or bathroom considerations?"

Susannah turned to Frank. "Would you like to answer that?"

"Todd hates that he has to be assisted in the bathroom and in getting dressed. He's ashamed and feels he has no dignity. For safety reasons and because of his blindness, he must always be kept in sight. Todd is not comfortable touching himself or being exposed. Please try to be as unobtrusive as possible when assisting him. Todd prefers very quick showers. All the children, except Timmy, are given baths. Timmy was tortured with hot baths that were usually followed with his father sodomizing him. Timmy is to be given showers only. Be prepared to get very wet when assisting Timmy," Frank cautioned them and then he continued. "Timmy does not like being in water at all, even if it's just the shower. He doesn't do a very thorough job of cleaning himself because he wants to get out as quickly as he can. He needs a lot of reassurance and help. Basically, you will have to do most of the job for him. Washing his hair is difficult. You have to be very careful not to allow the water to touch his face too much. You also have to make sure the water is as cool as possible, without it being so cold that he will get chilled. You have to allow him to stick his hand in and feel the water before he gets in the shower. If the water is too warm it can trigger a flashback. If he says it's too hot you have to make sure to show him that you are turning on the cold water to cool it down. Tom and Thomas have no problem in the bathroom and like bath toys. Now when you guys assist Andy in the bathroom, allow him to wash himself, particularly his genital area, even if he doesn't do the greatest job."

"There are also some other special considerations with Andy," Susannah began. "Andy wets the bed. He fears punishment for it. Whenever it happened, his father forced him to sit, for hours, on a wet sheet. He would then force him to spend the next night standing in the bathroom. He was also beaten and his genitals were burned."

The staff heard anger in Susannah's voice as she continued. "Andy's enuresis is not only nocturnal. It happens during both daytime naps and overnight. If it should happen when he is out, please react casually and reassuringly. He hasn't experienced any flashbacks over the punishments he received for it, but he does become frightened and sometimes expects to be punished. You may notice he will not want to get out of bed. He expects to have to sit on the wet sheets. Just explain to him that he is in the hospital and he is safe and we don't punish children for wetting the bed or for any reason. He will usually allow his clothes or pajamas to be changed. He sometimes wants only Sam to assist him. Mark, Steve, Angelo, Don, he may become frightened to have men only helping him. If he starts to become agitated, please ask one of the female nurses or techs to assist you. As far as bathing any of them goes you have to always be on the lookout for any seizure activity and be ready to hold their head above the water or, if possible, remove them from the tub."

The new staff members shook their heads at the horror of what has been done to this patient.

"Another thing." Susannah addressed this to all the staff, current and new. "Because of the phenytoin, very close attention must be paid to oral hygiene. I would like them all to be instructed in proper flossing techniques. They will probably all need assistance with it. Some of them are experiencing hand tremors and that might make it very difficult. I would like their teeth brushed three times a day, whether or not they've eaten. All the children get gold stars or stickers, according to their preference, placed on their poster board, under their name, when they have successfully completed their ADLs. They are usually very compliant."

"I see there is an infant alter," Janet observed.

"Yes there is. We call him The Baby. He is approximately five months old. He cannot walk or sit up by himself. He is to be bathed in bed. He's preverbal. I have never been able to, successfully, get Todd or any alter to the front when he is out. So, we have to wait for him to go inside on his own. He usually only comes out when Todd is completely overwhelmed. That brings me to another very important point. If The Baby comes out, you will probably notice he likes to roll over on his stomach. He is the only one, to date, who tolerates that position. Because of the sexual abuse, none of the other alters or Todd are ever to be placed in a prone position for any reason, unless I order it."

Susannah once again referred to her notes and checked off the next item for discussion. "I want to address the use of seclusion and mechanical, physical and chemical restraints." Susannah realized that since some of the new staff was from Chicago, she had to get very specific about the use of seclusion and restraints in Pennsylvania. She also had to make sure that they understood, specifically, what types she considered therapeutic and what types were not considered therapeutic, in this case. "First of all, seclusion is never to be used with Todd. We don't use it at this facility at all, on any unit. Pennsylvania has some of the strictest laws in the nation in regard to how the mentally ill are treated, especially concerning restraints, and I do agree with them. Here, we basically follow the guidelines set by the state hospitals, which act in accordance with the Joint Commission on Accreditation of Healthcare Organizations and the Health Care Financing Administration."

"There have been many changes in regard to restraints recently haven't there?" Don asked.

"Yes. JCAHO and HCFA have set down many changes. Pennsylvania has had most of those changes in place for some time now. Our Deputy Secretary of Mental Health, Charles Curie, has said that 'the use of seclusion and restraint is symptomatic of treatment failure.' In some cases it's contraindicated toward the goal of recovery. Some facilities across the nation were found to be overusing restraints. In some cases, they were being used almost punitively. As soon as the patients showed any signs of escalating, they would be put in a restraint without any attempt being made at less invasive techniques. It is very important to use restraints in a way that is considered therapeutic for each particular patient. In Todd's case, he was sexually and physically abused. He was left alone in a trunk and in a storage shack and in his basement for extended periods. He was sometimes tied up with rope, clothing, belts, even towels and other common items. We also have to take his epilepsy into consideration."

"Is it true that mechanical restraints are prohibited in Britain?" Mark asked.

Susannah was happy to know that her staff was informed. "Yes, it's true. Ideally, a restraint free unit is the goal and many facilities are striving for that. There certainly has been a great reduction in the use of mechanical restraints in this state and many others across the nation. Unfortunately, for the safety of the patient and the staff, I do believe that they are sometimes necessary. As far as Todd goes, mechanical restraints are to be avoided, except for the most extreme conditions . . . meaning . . . talk, de-escalation techniques, physical restraint and sedation are not helping and he is in danger of harming himself or others. There have been times when even heavy sedation has not calmed him. Only four or five point restraints with buckles, never locks, are to be used. Though some facilities in Pennsylvania still use them, the following mechanical restraints are not considered therapeutic in most facilities and we do not use them here. They are . . . blanket . . . wraps . . . full sheet . . . net . . . body bag . . . and camisole. If mechanical restraints do become necessary, the crisis bag is kept at the nurses station. The only alter we ever use any other kind of mechanical restraint on is The Baby. When The Baby comes out we place him in a geri-chair and use a shoulder vest and pelvic belt to keep him from toppling out of it. A Posey vest does not give him the support he needs. We keep him in the chair for an hour then alternate with an hour of bed rest and if he's awake, back to the chair. We do this during the day only."

Susannah paused while her staff took notes. She then continued. "Todd's body is thin and weak and you will find it is not as difficult to contain him or even to contain Pete as it might be with other patients of his age and height. However, once that adrenaline starts pumping, it can still be difficult. If it becomes necessary to restrain him, we usually use five to eight staff members to assist in it, depending on who's out and how violent they have become. We take a couple of seconds before every physical and mechanical restraint and make very sure everyone knows which limb they are responsible for. I usually take the head and do verbal communication with him. Todd is always on one-to-one, but I want two staff members at his bedside, at all times, during a mechanical restraint. In the event of a seizure those restraints must come off immediately."

"Is he spoken to during a restraint?" Janet asked.

"Yes. If he's awake you can comfort him verbally and with a cool washcloth. He is to be documented every fifteen minutes for the need to continue or discontinue the restraint and checked for circulation. At one hour, he is to be released from one restraint at a time and given range of motion to that extremity before it's placed back in the restraint. He is to be offered a bedpan or urinal for elimination, something to drink, a chance for some ADLs . . . have his teeth brushed . . . rinse his mouth with mouthwash . . . things that might increase his comfort level. His vital signs are to be done at that time as well. Now, as far as debriefing goes . . . it is mandatory that the staff and patient debrief after a restraint. However in this case, the one who goes into a restraint is usually not the one who comes out."

"So it would not help to debrief one of the alters if it were Todd who went into a restraint," Eileen stated for clarity.

"Exactly. Todd and Pete are usually the ones who go into a restraint. They almost always have to be heavily sedated at the time and are quite groggy when they come out of the restraint, if they are the ones to wake up. So again, that is not the ideal time for a debriefing or even a defusing," Susannah clarified.

"What about physical restraint?" Steve asked.

"We do takedowns, when we have to. We strongly try to avoid them. Basket holds . . . therapeutic holds are used when absolutely necessary to prevent injury or to try to keep them from escalating into a mechanical restraint. Ace-down restraint is never, under any circumstances, to be used."

Susannah knew it really wasn't necessary to tell them that physical restraints such as basket holds, where a patient is held from behind as a staff member grasps their wrists, and crosses the patient's arms across his or her chest and then brings the patient to a seated position by stepping back and riding the patient down along the staff member's thigh is considered good practice. She also knew it was unnecessary to tell them that the ace-down restraint that would put the patient face down on the ground with staff on top or along side him or her was not. However, Susannah wanted to make sure to be very clear on this subject and leave no room for interpretation.

Susannah continued. "As far as chemical restraint goes, that is our primary way of keeping Todd safe when he escalates beyond being able to gain control on his own. Because of his fragile physical condition, we can't wait as long as I would like before medicating him. If we can't gain access to the NG tube or he needs to calm immediately we will us an IM, unless he's on an IV or has a hep lock in. You have to be extremely careful with noting the medication and dosage I order for each alter. A dose that Todd or Pete can tolerate can cause The Baby or some of the younger child alters to OD. Everything I have explained to you is available, in written form, at the nurses station, the med room, and in the staff lounge. There is a list of which meds and the dosage each alter receives. Copies of this list too are in Todd's chart, the med room, the staff lounge and the nurses station. Are there any questions regarding medication or any type of restraint?" Susannah looked around the room.

"I have one." Mark spoke up. "Are physical or mechanical restraints used on the very young alters?"

"I'm glad you brought that up," Susannah praised. "Again, when absolutely necessary, we do use physical restraints with the children. So far we have not had to put any of the children in mechanical restraints. There have been times when one of the children has have woken up from sedation or come out while the body was in a restraint. When that happens they are terrified. Many times it triggers a flashback of being tied up by the father. Even when it doesn't, they usually think it is because they were bad and are being punished. They fully expect to be beaten or abused in some way when they find themselves in a restraint. That is why it is necessary for them to be quickly assessed and, if possible, taken out of the restraint. Also, as far as physical restraints go, you will find that the children have much less strength than Todd or the adult alters. We need far less staff to put them in a hold. Sometimes one person can hold their legs while another holds their arms and torso. At most you we usually need three if they start head butting. Sam and Kevin have each been able to contain Timmy and Andy, at times. Are there any more questions in regard to restraints?" Susannah asked.

This time they all shook their heads no.

"All right then, let's move on." Susannah checked her notes. "One of the abuses the father did with them was to make them get down on the floor, like an animal, and lick up anything that spilled. This includes urine, feces and vomit. Some of them will immediately go into a flashback if there is any kind of accident and attempt to lick it up. Todd is included in this. If anything gets on the floor, whoever is out is to immediately be put in a hold until the mess is cleaned up. Many times they will calm once that happens."

Susannah paused while notes were taken. "I want to cover another few things and then I will let you go. Thomas has a tendency to lash out and hit some of the other alters, especially if they say anything negative about the mother. As I told you, he is extremely protective of her. He also needs to be very carefully monitored. He is one of the alters who feels no pain. He also needs to be observed for any physical problems that normally cause pain that he might not be aware of. They are all to be carefully observed for seizure activity. The upside about Thomas is that he is one of the only children who tolerate medical procedures. With the exception of not wanting a tongue depressor used on him, he has shown no fear, so far, of any medical procedure. Tom, Timmy Andy and the other child alters have to be held down, for just about anything."

"I noticed you have a crash cart on the unit," Mark observed.

"Yes. Because of Todd's medical conditions and thanks to funding by his sister, we have the necessary equipment to keep Todd going until we can transport him to the ER, should he have a medical emergency. I would like all of you to familiarize yourselves with all of the equipment we have here. Also, even though you are all certified in CPR, without having used it in a while you may be rusty. There are classes here at the hospital. For those of you who might not feel comfortable with your skills in CPR, I suggest you attend one of those classes."

Susannah once again referred to her notes and then went on. "I just want to give you information on some of the other alters and then we will take a break. These alters are basically and example of what we usually refer to as 'a layering phenomenon.' They are all related to this specific trauma. Rocky . . . Rocky, though the antagonist in the system is, in part a variation of the internal persecutor. Rocky's job in the system is to preserve the image of the good father. He blames Todd and the alters for all punishment and holds the father responsible for none. He will lash out at the alters and at Todd. As you have read, he has done some serious damage to the body. As for the twins, none of them come out very often. Their main job is to handle the feelings of abandonment and feelings triggered by being rejected by the mother when they found her after she had abandoned them the first time. The girls were the ones to return to the father after Todd ran off to the summer home his mother and stepfather had. He was rejected by the stepfather and sent back to the father by their mother. Lisa and Sarah were severely physically and sexually abused, almost to the point of death, after Peter got them back home. He kept them locked in the basement. They were kept on the floor, naked, with no food and little water for approximately a week. The mother sending Todd back was apparently one of the most traumatic events in Todd's young life. Between the day before and the day he was sent back, Todd split into seven alters that we know of."

"Do Lisa and Sarah liked to be treated as girls?" Eileen asked.

"Oh, yes." Susannah smiled at the memory of them. "You will notice a softness about them. They both like to play with what they consider girls' toys. Sarah likes to be told she's pretty. Lisa is overly concerned, to the point of obsession, with being polite and saying and doing exactly the right thing. Sarah is much more open and easy going. Lisa usually censors her if she starts divulging too much. They are both amazing artists. In fact, when you get a chance, you should all go to the art room and to my office to see some of the alters' work. You will see what incredible talent they have."

Susannah could see that they had all taken in about as much information as they could absorb for now. Even though they were professionals, they were still human. Hearing all of this at one time was getting to them. "I just need another few minutes of your time and then you can all take a long break before Todd comes back to his room. Some of the alters don't come out very often. I still want to bring to your attention some of the more important things you need to know about them. There is Bad Boy. I believe he was a fragment. Unfortunately, he quickly developed more of a personality when he started interacting with us. He is moderately psychotic. He hallucinates lighting matches and burning his hand with various types of fire. He expects to be burned and will ask for it. Willie and Peep are very psychotic. They spent long hours, possibly days at a time, locked in a trunk filled with old clothes. The isolation took its toll. The adults don't come out very often. Carol, Goodone and Miss Perkins do not like to leave their children unattended. If Miss Perkins does come out, there are to be no physical expectations placed on her. Physically, she feels like an older woman, complete with many aches and pains. Rodd ages along with Todd. He handles Todd's sexuality. He believes he has this wonderful family waiting for him to complete his job of helping Todd. He is very well read. His interests range from opera to art and literature and he is fluent in Italian. If he should come out he will most likely want to see Téa. He has never exhibited any behavioral problems."

Susannah took a deep breath and closed the folder she had on her lap. "Well, I think I have covered everything I wanted to go over for now. There are other alters, as you can see by the progress notes, but I think we have covered all we need to for now. Are there any questions?"

No one seemed to have any.

"Fine, now why don't you all take a break. Todd should be coming back here in about ninety minutes. He was heavily sedated this morning and should still be pretty groggy when he arrives. If he is able to comprehend it, I will introduce you. I would also like to introduce you to his family as they get here."

As they all dispersed, Frank and Susannah looked at each other. "That went pretty well," Frank observed.

"Yes, it did." Susannah smiled. "I'm sure they are all wondering what the Hell they have gotten themselves into right about now," she joked.

"Yeah, but once it's absorbed and they get to know Todd and the alters you won't be able to tear them away from here," Frank stated seriously.

Susannah patted his arm. "Did you have a good day with your boys?"

"The best. This whole business really makes you appreciate what you've got."

Susannah nodded in agreement and then said, "I'm going to go see how our boy is doing."

Frank headed for a break and Susannah for the ICU.

*****

Téa wanted to be in her office by six that morning. Most of her clients could not afford to lose time from work, so she had three appointments scheduled before eight-thirty. She needed to take care of some paperwork and then go to the courthouse to file some of those papers. Sam had called earlier and told her about Todd having had another seizure. When Téa called the hospital, she was told Todd had been heavily sedated and was still sleeping. She was also told that as things now stood, he would still be transferred back to psychiatry around three. Téa was so afraid for him. She realized that there must have been a serious problem if they had sedated him enough to put him out. She decided she would have time to go home, take a nap and shower before heading to the hospital to be there when the transfer took place. She also wanted to fill Sam and Viki in on her visit with Starr.

On her way to the office, Téa had stopped by the diner. Carlotta was just setting up for the day. As soon as Carlotta saw Téa's eyes, she saw that some of the light had come back into them.

"You're an early bird this morning," Carlotta pointed out and smiled.

"I have three clients all coming in before nine," Téa responded.

"I am so proud of you. Everyone talks about how much good you are doing for the community. You come up against the big boys and win every time." Carlotta's eyes shone with admiration.

"I wish life were as easy for me as law. At least in court I know what I'm doing," Téa replied with a smile.

Carlotta lifted Téa's face to her. "Mija, what has changed? I see more light in those eyes."

Téa reached up and took Carlotta's hand. She squeezed it gently. "I was able to visit with Starr yesterday. You should see her. She is the most beautiful little girl and she is already smarter than Todd, Blair, and I put together. Blair is going to let me continue to have visits with her."

Carlotta smiled. "I am so happy for you. The next time you are going for a visit let me know and I will bake some cookies for her," Carlotta offered.

"Thank you. I'll do that," Téa answered.

"There is more to it than that. I know my Téa and there is more to the light in your eyes than seeing Starr."

Téa was touched by how well Carlotta knew her. "I have finally reclaimed my place in Todd's life. He has given permission for me to visit two of the child alters and Todd himself opened up to me, it was only for a few minutes and then he retreated, but he held me. He knew it was me and he held me." Téa filled Carlotta in on the rest.

Carlotta's face filled with sadness for Todd. She shook her head and stated, "Ese pobre muchacho. Téa I'm sorry. Todd did not need having seizures on top of everything else. Will he be all right?"

Téa's eyes filled with tears. "Yes, I know he will. He needs to take an anticonvulsant, possibly for the rest of his life, but Doctor Hanen and his neurologist say that epileptics can do almost everything anyone else does."

"So why the tears?" Carlotta dapped at Téa's wet cheeks with a paper napkin.

"It is my fault that Todd has become epileptic. They found some scar tissue in his temporal lobe. It's from an old brain injury." Carlotta's expression was questioning. She did not understand. "I hit him, Carlotta. Don't you remember? When he held me in the shed. I hit him with a shovel and knocked him unconscious. That has to be the injury that caused this."

Carlotta put her arm around Téa's petite shoulders. "Let's go sit in one of the booths and talk."

"I have to get to the office," Téa protested.

"Just give me a few minutes," Carlotta responded softly. Téa allowed herself to be walked to a booth. "Did the doctors say for certain that it was that blow to the head that caused Todd's epilepsy?" Carlotta pressed.

"No, they can't pinpoint it to any specific head injury. Todd has had many."

"But you are so sure that this was the one that did it," Carlotta stated.

"I hit him hard. I used every ounce of strength I had, which was a lot because I was so furious with him."

"Why were you so furious with him?"

Téa looked at Carlotta. She could not understanding how she could ask that. "You know what Todd did to me. He made me believe we were all in danger of dying because of the explosives. He dragged me to my car. He punched me in the face, hard enough to knock me out. He tied me up. He left me tied up and then left the shed. For food, yes, but he didn't tell me that. I thought he just left me there. By the time I tricked him into untying me, I was so frightened and angry I couldn't even see straight."

"Do you think you were wrong to be so angry with him for all that?"

Téa shivered. Some of the terror she had known that night came back to haunt her. She wondered if this was what the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Todd experienced felt like. She realized that she still wasn't completely over that long ago night. "No. He abused me. I had a right to be angry with him. I had a right to want to hurt him back, but more violence wasn't the answer."

"Were you still afraid of what he would do to you at the time you hit him?" Carlotta asked.

Téa thought for a moment. "Yes, he was completely out of control. I didn't understand why at the time. I didn't know how sick he was."

"Téa, don't you see? Just the way Todd lashed out because he was traumatized so did you. You weren't just angry, you were afraid. Even if you knew then that Todd was that mentally ill, you could not have stood by and allowed him to continue to abuse you." Carlotta could see that Téa was still burdened with guilt.

"Mija, you are a strong woman. You are not the kind to allow yourself to be abused. Your love for Todd was so strong that you put up with things from him that you never would have taken from anyone else. I think a part of you did realize you were dealing with someone who was very ill."

"You think that is why I allowed myself to be abused?" Téa was still trying to understand the part of her that allowed that.

"Yes, much in the same way I put up with Eli's bad behavior in the beginning. You were able to look past the behavior and see the good inside and feel the love, even when Todd couldn't show it. I think that your putting up with the kind of abusive treatment Todd sometimes showed you, proves that you were strong enough to hang in there, not weak. Then, when you felt you tried your best and it got out of hand, you fought back, again, out of strength. That is nothing to feel guilty about. Illness may explain the way Todd treated you but it doesn't excuse it. No matter how sick he is, that doesn't mean you have to put up with abuse."

Téa knew Carlotta was right and did feel a little better. Although feelings of guilt still persisted, Téa really did feel better. She knew that it was not in her to play the victim and that it was in her nature to fight back. She still wished that she could take that whole night back. Téa kissed Carlotta. "Do Christian, Antonio and Eli realize how lucky they are to have you for a mother?"

"If they don't, I remind them," Carlotta kidded. She stroked Téa's head. "You have me too, Mija. Don't ever forget that."

Téa hugged Carlotta and headed for her office and later to the courthouse, to take care of business. She then headed to her hotel for that nap and shower.

*****

Téa slept for almost two hours. She awoke feeling refreshed. She went to shower. Téa was in her robe, blow-drying her hair, when she thought she heard knocking on her door. Téa turned off the dryer. She was able to hear the knocking clearly now. "Who is it?" she called out.

"Kevin," she heard the voice say. He didn't sound quite right. Téa pulled her robe tightly closed and opened the door.

"I was just in the neighborhood," Kevin used his familiar excuse. He laughed as he said it.

"Kevin, you're drunk. What the Hell is going on with you?"

"Do you mean besides discovering I am the lowest piece of shit walking?"

"Did something happen with Todd?" Téa became frightened.

"Do you know that Lee Ann has a boyfriend? She does. I'll bet my kid calls him Daddy. You of all people know how hard Todd fought for his kid. Me . . . I just let mine go. Now I've got a shot at making a difference in a kid's life. You know I'm gonna blow it."

Téa was having a hard time following. "Are you talking about Timmy? Did something happen with Timmy?"

Kevin plopped down on the couch. He put his feet up. "Not yet, but give me time. Do you think River ever wonders why I'm not in his life anymore? What about Starr?"

"Starr asked about you. I told her you love her very much and still want to see her. In fact, she wants to get together with you, Sam and Viki, if Blair will allow it. Starr has so much love in her. She is being so mature about everything. We could all take a lesson from her." Téa was in awe of Starr.

"She's that way because Todd was there for her. She had a wonderful father she could depend on all her life. Do you think my son is faring as well? No matter how many men Lee Ann brings into her life, Duke will always know his dad didn't fight for him. Look at Drew. Look how he turned out without a father's guidance. Is it becoming a Buchanan trait to fuck up your kid?" Kevin asked bitterly.

Téa still did not understand Kevin's ramblings. "Kevin, did something happen at the hospital? Was there a problem with Todd or one of the alters? They told me Todd had another seizure last night and that he had to be heavily sedated this morning."

"Yeah, he had a psychotic episode. That Saber came out and tortured Todd."

"Oh God! Did he hurt him?"

"No, don't worry. They're taking all kinds of precautions." Kevin laughed to himself. "All except Kevin precautions. In fact," Kevin drew out the word fact. "Susannah thinks that I should also be a part of Todd's life when he knows it and she is going to tell him that I have been a part of his life and therapy and ask him to give his permission for me to visit Timmy. How well do you think that's going to go over?"

Téa was beginning to understand. "Is that what this is about? You're afraid that Todd will refuse to allow you to visit Timmy?"

Kevin laughed again. "Pretty sick isn't it? Here's this little boy, who I love with all my heart . . . who I'm closer to than my own kid . . . in the body of someone I have hated and maybe still do, and who hates my guts and is also terrified of me at the same time. I can't, for the life of me, figure out why I love Timmy so much or how the Hell I feel about Todd. And still, I know if I'm kept out of Timmy's life it will be worse than being kept out of Duke's. How's that for being screwed up?"

Téa felt sorry for Kevin. She understood what it felt like to be afraid of being kept out of Todd's life. She also understood what it felt like to be totally confused by your own feelings. "I don't think that will happen, Kevin. I think that, like with me, Todd will allow your visits because they are important to a child."

"Yeah, well, Todd doesn't hate you. Todd doesn't remember that it was you and your family who tried to pin a murder on him. Todd doesn't have a memory of you holding a gun to his head," Kevin replied bitterly.

"No. But he does remember that I hit him with a shovel and that I turned him over to the police. I'm sure he also remembers that I betrayed his trust in that hotel room near Canada, when I called Sam. I am just as responsible for Todd being in the condition he's in as you are."

A tear trickled down Kevin's cheek. "Peter Manning is responsible for Todd being the way he is, Peter and my grandfather. It's my blood that Victor's genes run in, not yours. What is it they say? 'Blood will tell.' Maybe it would be for the best if I was kept away from Timmy?"

Téa was getting angry with Kevin. "Buchanan! Don't you dare walk out of that little boy's life again. I don't care how afraid you are of turning out like your grandfather or Peter. You are nothing like those men. But even if you go to your grave being afraid that you are, if you abandon Timmy again he will never get over it. Yes, maybe you didn't fight hard enough for your son. Maybe you even caused River to have some confusion. Timmy is a desperately sick little boy, and he needs you to get yourself together and be there for him. For once in your life, put someone else's needs before your own. I'm sure Doctor Hanen will find a way to convince Todd that Timmy needs you in his life. She knows what your absence would do to that child." Téa looked closely at Kevin. "Kevin, is something else bothering you besides being afraid of getting cut out of Timmy's life?"

Kevin looked up at Téa. He tried to figure out what it was he felt for her. His heart was pounding. He was about to broach the subject with Téa when he looked even more closely into her eyes. He could see concern for him, but not the love he saw in them when she talked about Todd. He realized he never would see love for anyone but Todd shining out of those beautiful brown eyes. He knew whatever it was he felt for her had to stop. Kevin said nothing. He was afraid that to talk to her about it now would only cause uncomfortable feelings for both of them. Their lives were intertwined and always would be, as long as they were both in Todd's life. "It may not be in Todd's best interest for me to be in his life," Kevin finally said.

"Look Kevin, I never really understood what went on between you and Todd. I mean I know about Marty and the rape trial. I always felt it was more than that. I doubt that Todd really knows why he feels the way he does about you and maybe you don't know why you feel the way you do about him either. I know one thing though, in some twisted way, you both need each other. Maybe now it's just Timmy, but I think that Todd and most of those children have a strong need for you to be in their life. I certainly know your mother needs you to be around. So I suggest you damn well figure out what your problems are and how you feel and then be there for the people you love."

Kevin felt ashamed of himself. His emotions were a tangled mess . . . Todd, Duke, Cassie, his mom, Téa. He didn't know what he was feeling about any of them. He did know one thing, though. Téa was right. He needed to be in Todd's life, not just Timmy's, but Todd's. He had no idea why and he didn't know if he really wanted to know, not now. He just knew that he had to get himself together and be strong for all concerned, including himself. Kevin felt immensely grateful to Téa. He needed someone to tell him to feel what he feels but get over it and be there for those he loved. It might be too late for his relationship with Duke, but it wasn't too late for Timmy, his mom, or Todd. "Téa, I'm sorry I just showed up, drunk and uninvited. I'm going to get lots of coffee in me and then see if my mom needs any help at the paper, and if not, I want to be there when Todd is brought back to his room on seven. Even if I can't let him know I'm there, I still want to be nearby."

"I'll be heading to the hospital shortly," Téa informed him.

Kevin stood up. He was a little unsteady on his feet. He headed for the door and opened it.

Téa knew she had been a little hard on him. She did sympathize with him. She realized how hard all this must be for him. "Kevin," she called to him, as he stood in the doorway. He turned around. "You're not planning on driving are you?"

"No, not until I sober up. I'll head down to the restaurant and get something to eat and a couple of pots of coffee."

"I'll tell you what," Téa suggested. "Why don't you go downstairs and get that food and coffee and I'll drive you to the hospital. I'll be down for you in about forty-five minutes. Is that enough time?" Kevin nodded. He was grateful for the offer. He did not want to be driving or taking a cab. "Kevin, listen. I do understand that none of this has been easy for you. In some ways, maybe because of your mother, your relationship with Todd is even more complicated than mine. If you need to talk to someone, I'll always be willing to listen. Please, promise me you won't desert Timmy."

Those words cut into Kevin's heart. The thought of walking out of Timmy's life and leaving him to his pain and suffering was intolerable to Kevin. He would not abandon Timmy. For the first time, Kevin was very sure of that. He knew in his heart that no matter what else he was feeling, his love for that child was the strongest emotion he felt. It was stronger by far than any hatred he had ever felt for Todd. He also realized that he would try, in every way he knew how, to work things out with Todd, if Todd were willing. Talking to Téa made this crystal clear for him. Still standing in the doorway, Kevin hugged Téa. For the moment, he knew what he was feeling, gratitude, pure and simple. She made him realize that he would never, willingly, walk out of Timmy's life. Never! Neither Kevin nor Téa realized the belt on Téa's robe has loosened, exposing Téa slightly. "Thank you, Téa. I'm not sure why it is, but you seem to have said just what I needed to hear. I won't leave Timmy. I won't ever cause that little boy any more sadness. Téa, you can be very sure of that."

Téa patted him on the back. "Good. I am very relieved to hear that. Now, why don't you get that coffee and I'll see you soon."

Kevin straightened up and headed for the restaurant and Téa closed the door. As Kevin passed the stairwell opposite from Téa's room, he did not see the eyes that watched him through the glass window in the stairwell door. He did not see the smirk on Jerry Skinner's face or see the camera in his hand. "Nice touch being in that opened robe, Mrs. Manning," he said to himself.

*****

Viki was not in the mood to waste time on negotiation ploys. The union leader could see that. It did not take long for Viki to negotiate that contract. As always, she was fair and they knew it. The whole thing was settled in a little over three hours. Viki headed back to the hospital. Her anxiety over not being with Todd was increasing by the minute.

*****

Sam was not as successful negotiating with Lindsay. Lindsay gave Sam a hard time. Lindsay complained about the high prices in Chicago. As was her pattern, she used her children's needs as and excuse to ask for more money. "If you want to neglect your own children while playing daddy to that criminal fine! Do you have to let your own kids do without financially, too!" Lindsay had screamed into the phone. Sam knew his children were extremely well taken care of, financially. Sam was already paying all their college expenses and they did not seem to miss his presence in their life at this time. They were happy to finally be on their own. Even though they both attended college in Illinois, he knew they were happy to be away from Lindsay. Sam finally gave into most of her demands just to get her off his back. When he hung up the phone, he realized how lucky he was to have gotten a second chance with someone like Viki. Sam then completed his business with his associate and headed back to the hospital as well.

*****

Todd continued to sleep off the sedation and was just starting to wake up shortly before the transfer. Susannah knew he would be too groggy to really realize he was being moved. Viki made it back to the hospital first. She was relieved to see all seemed well in the ICU. They were filling out the paperwork on the transfer. Viki checked on Todd. He moaned a few times and moved around a little.

Susannah waved her over to the nurses station. "How did things go?" Susannah inquired.

"Good. I think my mood helped speed things along." Viki smiled. She then asked Susannah, "Did Sam come back yet?"

"No, not yet. He called about an hour ago to see how everything was. He should be here soon."

"What about Kevin?" Viki inquired. "He called me a while ago and said he and Téa were on their way over."

"No, sorry. They didn't get here . . ." Susannah stopped as she saw Kevin and Téa approach the door to the ICU. "Well, here they are." Susannah pointed toward the doors.

Kevin waited outside, just in case Todd was awake. Téa came into the ICU.

"Hi. We'll be taking Todd back to seven in a few minutes." Susannah informed Téa.

Téa looked toward Todd's bed. "He seems to be waking up."

"Mmmm. I would give it about another hour before he's really awake," Susannah stated.

*****

Viki went to talk to Kevin. "Did they sign?" Kevin asked as soon as Viki stepped into the hallway.

"They did." Viki replied matter-of-factly. "They tried to play hardball for a while. They saw they would get nowhere with those tactics."

"Mom, I'm really sorry I messed up. You were depending on me and I let you down." Kevin looked ashamed of himself.

"Oh, sweetheart. Don't feel that way. As you said, some of those old timers still think of you only as my son. When I first took over for Father, they treated me the same way. I'm sure even when Clint took over for your dad, he had a hard time winning over some of them. In time, they will show you the respect you deserve. "Viki smiled encouragingly at Kevin. Their respect really has to be earned. They don't hand it out easily. I am very proud of the work you do and I'm not saying that to bolster your confidence. Honey, I don't know what I would do if I didn't have you to run things at the Banner and . . ." Viki put a hand on either side of Kevin's face and looked him in the eye. "I don't know what I would do without having you for a son."

The tears that formed in Kevin's eyes embarrassed him. He didn't want his mom to know how badly he needed her validation.

Realizing this, Viki looked deeply into Kevin's eyes. "Sweetheart, we never become so old that we stop needing love."

Kevin hugged Viki tightly. "I'm really trying. More than anything I want to do what's right," Kevin confessed softly.

"You are, sweetheart. You are." Viki patted her child on the back.

*****

Todd's transport came. As Susannah predicted, Todd did not fully realize what was going on. He moaned slightly when the IV was removed and when he was lifted to the gurney.

Sam made it to the ICU floor as they were wheeling Todd down the hallway. He was happy to know he was considered well enough to go back to his regular room. Sam stroked Todd's head. "Hi, Boomer. I'll see you upstairs."

Todd didn't respond. Susannah rode in the patient transport elevator with him. The others left to meet them on seven.

Susannah waited outside Todd's room for the rest of them. "They have to do vitals on him and get him settled. Why don't we go to the lounge for a few minutes." Once they were all seated, Susannah began. "Have you made any decisions regarding Todd's medication?"

Viki looked at Sam and then at Téa and Kevin.

"Susannah, do you think there is any possibility that he will do okay without the neuroleptic?" Sam asked.

"There is always a possibility, but I honestly think Todd needs to be on one right now, especially given this morning's episode."

"Was it a bad one?" Téa asked.

"Yes. He began to hallucinate and perceive his body as foreign to him," Viki informed Téa. Téa shook her head. "Susannah, perhaps he should just go back on the Zyprexa?" Viki asked.

"I can do that. The problem is, Todd was not getting that much relief from it and some of the alters, especially Thomas, were having some bad side effects." Susannah hated to, nevertheless she went on to say, "I don't want to put pressure on you. However, I would really like to start him on the medication as soon as possible . . . tonight, if you agree."

"Well, unless there is no other choice, I don't want him on clozapine," Viki asserted. "It's bad enough the Dilantin can cause problems with his blood and with so many other things. I do know he absolutely must be on an anticonvulsant."

"I agree completely," Sam affirmed. Viki looked toward Téa and Kevin.

"So do I. Unless there's nothing else to turn to, I don't think we should risk Todd getting agranulocytosis or those other blood disorders," Téa spoke up. They could all tell Téa had been doing her homework. They realized that she used every spare moment she had to research all of Todd's conditions and try to find some fast working miracle out there.

"I agree. It sounds like the risperidone is the safer of the two drugs, at this point, especially if it is not as likely to trigger seizures," Kevin stated.

"You know what really kills me." Sam nervously tapped his hands together as he spoke. "We're all sitting here making these decisions about what's going to happen to Todd's body and mind. Look, I understand that he's incapable of making decisions for himself right now. I know that, if he could, he would walk right out of here and not take any medication, including the anticonvulsant. Still, I hate that he has no say in what's done to him. I can't even begin to imagine what it would feel like to be given drugs you don't want, or to be tied down against your will, or fed whether or not you want to eat. Even being expected to talk about things that you would rather die than talk about seems intolerable to me. I hate that we are the ones doing this to Todd."

Viki linked her arm through Sam's. "I feel the same way, but what else can we do?"

"Mom, Sam. If I were Todd, I would hate you for doing all this to me, now. I know that when Todd's well, he'll be so grateful for all of this," Kevin stated.

"I agree," Téa added. "I believe with all my heart that Todd wants to get well and get back to Starr and his newspaper."

"And you, honey. I know that so much of what is giving Todd the will to fight all this time is his desire to get back to you," Viki took Téa's hand. Téa looked at Viki with glistening eyes.

"So, do I have your permission to start Todd on risperidone?" Susannah pressed.

"What about the Zoloft?" Viki inquired.

I don't want to start him on too many different drugs at once. If there is a problem we won't know which drug is causing it. I would like to wait a couple of days before we start the Zoloft," Susannah replied.

Viki and Sam exchanged looks again. They both nodded. "All right. I will sign the consent form for the drugs," Viki answered.

"I know this isn't an easy decision. I promise you, if there are any problems that warrant the drug being discontinued, I will do it immediately," Susannah assured them. Susannah went in to see how things were going with Todd.

Téa filled Sam and Viki in on her visit with Starr. They were thrilled to hear how well it had gone and were so proud of the things Téa told them about their little Starr. Sam and Viki thought getting together with Starr at a restaurant near the hospital or in the cafeteria was a great idea and hoped Blair would allow it.

Susannah came back out with a nurse they hadn't met before. "Todd is starting to come around. He opened his eyes for a moment. Then he turned over and went back to sleep. In the meantime, I would like to introduce you to the newly hired staff, if you all have the time now?" Susannah requested.

Susannah gathered the six new staff members. After introductions were made, they all assured Todd's family that they would make sure he received the very best of care. As Viki, Sam, Téa and Kevin looked at the kind faces in front of them, they had no doubt. Viki and Sam filled them in on some of the various alters' preferences in television shows, videos, foods, toys, and clothes. The staff let them know that they looked forward to meeting Todd and the others.

As the new staff went about their business, Susannah, Viki and Sam headed in to see if Todd was waking up. Téa and Kevin waited outside. They knew it would not be advisable for either of them to be in the room once he was awake.

*****

Todd seemed to be dreaming as they watched him sleep.

Todd was sitting at the desk in his room, in the house in Chicago that he grew up in. The history midterm was tomorrow. He tried to concentrate, but couldn't. He knew what his father's reaction would be if he brought home a bad grade. Todd felt cold. He checked the thermostat in his room. It was already at seventy-six degrees. He knew his father would be angry to find it up that high. Peter would discipline him for wasting money and for being a "cold little pansy," if he saw it even that high. Todd immediately turned it back down. He hated that, here he was, twelve years old, and he still cringed and started to shake at the thought of his father's rage.

Todd got another sweater from his drawer and slipped it over his head. He tried to go back to his studies. It was useless. It hurt to sit. He had become frightened when, earlier that day, he had discovered bloodstains on his briefs. It had happened to him before. He was afraid that something was really wrong with him, but more afraid and embarrassed to mention it to anyone. Todd feared he had cancer. Even more terrifying was the thought of anyone, even a doctor, touching him "there." So he never said a word.

Todd was also afraid because he had another one of his "blank spots," the night before. He came back around four in the morning to find himself in his bed, naked and sore. He had been trying to orient himself when he felt stomach cramps that nearly caused him to double over. He ran for the bathroom. When he finished and turned to flush, he gasped when he noticed quite a bit of blood in the bowl. In addition to fear, Todd felt disgusting and dirty and he didn't know why. He caught a glimpse of his naked body in the mirror. Shame and revulsion rushed through him. Under any circumstances, he did not like to be or see himself unclothed. Right now, looking at himself caused a wave of nausea so strong he fell to his knees and gripped the sides of the toilet as he retched.

Todd lay shivering on the cold bathroom tiles. He tried to get up. He fell down again. He felt like he was dying. He wondered if he were. "Maybe that's why I'm bleeding?" he thought out loud. Finally, his strength came back a little. He crawled toward the sink and pulled himself up. He splashed some water on his face. Todd looked around to make sure there was no mess on the floor or sides of the bowl. He then took the bathroom cup and rinsed his mouth with some cool water. As he bent over to spit it out, he noticed his hairbrush on the vanity. He lifted it up and took a closer look. There was something on the handle. To Todd's horror he realized it was dried blood. His knees felt weak again. He held on to the sides of the sink. Todd had an overwhelming compulsion to shatter the mirror with the hairbrush and slash his body with the glass.

Suddenly, Todd was no longer in front of the mirror. He was in the locker room at school.

"Hey Manning! I hope the other guy looks worse than you do."

Todd looked up and saw Charlie Jennings, one of his seventh grade classmates, checking out his bruises. "You'd better believe it, Jennings. I wiped the floor with him." Todd responded. As he usually did, he put on his "tough guy" act despite the memory of how he got those particular bruises. Todd could still feel the cold belt buckle tearing into his flesh.

"Hey Charlie, check this out." Another boy called to Charlie.

"See ya later, Manning," Charlie said as he headed for his friend.

Todd quickly dressed. He hated being in the locker room and being exposed that way. He also felt uncomfortable sharing in the camaraderie the other boys enjoyed. It never felt real. He felt like an actor in a play. He knew the right things to say and he said them, but he hated it. He felt separate and different from all the other boys. As he had his entire life, he lived in terror of his secrets being exposed . . . the missing time . . . the unexplained grades to tests he never remembered taking . . . friends he didn't remember making . . . classmates and teachers reminding him of things he didn't remember saying or doing . . . wearing clothes that were not familiar to him . . . all of it terrifying and confusing. Even worse were the secrets he couldn't remember, but knew existed. They were feelings without memories that haunted him day and night.

As Todd was pulling on a sweatshirt, he heard two boys talking. "Did you see that new kid in homeroom?" one boy asked the other.

"Yeah, I think he's a fag," the second boy responded.

"Get outta here. You don't even know what a fag is," the first boy teased.

"Do too! It's a guy who likes to be fucked in the ass and have another guy's tongue in his mouth."

Todd didn't understand why, but he had to get out of there. He felt dizzy and sick. His entire body ached. He started to feel far away and disconnected from everything.

Susannah saw that Todd was starting to squirm around in his sleep. He was obviously distressed. "Todd. Todd, wake up. You're in your own room."

Todd moaned softly. Even this small sound was in a different pitch than Todd's voice.

Susannah suspected he had switched in his sleep. "It's Doctor Hanen. Come on, honey, wake up."

"Todd's" eyes opened slowly.

"Hi, sweetheart." Viki rubbed his shoulder soothingly.

"Hey, pal. You're back in your own room." Sam spoke with a cheerfulness he didn't feel.

"Todd" looked around the room. He sat up. They could see the confusion in his eyes. "It looks clean in here. I like it clean." They all noticed the softness and delicate quality of his face and voice. "Am I still living with that man or with all of you?"

"This is a hospital. This is your room. I'm your doctor. My name is Susannah Hanen." Susannah oriented her and then asked. "Do you have a name?"

"Brina," she answered softly.

"Hello Brina. How old are you?" Susannah asked.

"Twelve."

"Twelve," Susannah exclaimed. "Well, you're a big girl. Do you know Todd?" Brina shook her head. "Do you know Sam and Viki?" Susannah pointed to them both. Brina shook her head again. "Brina, Viki is Todd's sister and Sam is his friend. They both love Todd very much and you live in Todd's body. Do you understand that?"

She once again shook her head. Changing the subject, she asked, "Do I have to go back and live with that man?"

"Do you mean Peter Manning?" Susannah wanted to make sure she understood.

Brina swung her legs over the side of the bed. She felt dizzy. Seeing this Susannah placed her hand on the back of Brina's head and gently pushed it toward her knees. "Brina put your head down for a minute, until the dizziness passes."

Brina pulled away from Susannah's touch. She picked the sheet up by the hem and wiped at the spot on her head that Susannah had touched.

"Brina, did I hurt you in some way?" Susannah asked.

"Touch is bad. I know all about germs. I don't like anyone touching me. Please, do I have to be touched?"

Sam and Viki exchanged looks with Susannah.

"No, honey. As long as you stay safe and don't try to hurt yourself or anyone else, we'll try not to touch you. Sometimes some medical procedure may have to be done, but I promise you, we will wear gloves and be very careful."

"I don't like to be hurt either," Brina cautioned. They noticed tears had welled up in her eyes.

"Brina, are you frightened?" Viki asked the child. Brina nodded. "Brina, Doctor Hanen and the entire staff are very nice and always gentle. They are also very careful about not transmitting any germs. I promise you'll be safe here."

"Brina, do you feel a little better?" Susannah asked.

She nodded. "Can I please use your restroom?"

"Sure you can. Frank," Susannah called out. Frank came into the room. "Frank, this is Brina. She's twelve years old. Brina doesn't like to be touched." Susannah knew Frank heard what was going on from his chair right outside the door. She told him this for Brina's benefit.

"Hi, Brina. My name is Frank and if you need or want anything at all, I want you to tell me or any of the other staff members."

"Frank, Brina wants to use the bathroom. Please take her in there," Susannah instructed.

"No! No!" Brina was horrified.

"What is it, sweetheart? What's wrong?" Viki asked.

"I don't want a man in the bathroom with me. It's private. I don't want anyone in there with me." Brina looked down at her lap. A tear slid down her cheek.

Susannah knelt down to make eye contact with her. "Brina, I understand that you want privacy in the bathroom. It is also very important that you stay safe. It's not safe for you to be without someone with you at all times. We don't want you or Todd or any of the people who live in Todd to get hurt. I'm sorry. I made a mistake. I should have realized that you would want a woman to help you in the bathroom." Susannah turned to Frank. "Will you please get Connie and Janet to help Brina and explain the situation to them?"

"Can they close their eyes while they're in there with me? I don't want them to watch me." Brina was clearly anxious.

"Honey, they're medical professionals. You don't have to be embarrassed in front of them. I will ask them to stand aside and not watch you."

Brina stood up. She realized she was wearing only a hospital gown. She immediately pulled it tightly around herself. "Can I have some clothes? Please!" she pleaded.

"Sure you can, hon. I'll get them for you," Connie told her. She immediately retrieved some pants and a shirt from the drawer. They were blue.

"Do you have any white ones? I like white clothes," Brina requested timidly.

Connie remembered there was one white sweat suit. Most of the children preferred brightly colored clothing. Connie held up the sweat suit. "Is this okay, Brina?"

The young girl nodded and smiled. Her eyes were shining. "It's beautiful. I'll be very careful not to get it dirty. I promise."

"That's okay, hon. No one will ever be angry with you if you spill something on your clothes or on anything or if you get dirty," Connie assured her.

Brina looked confused. "Dirt is very bad. It can kill you." Brina looked at the bed she just vacated and started to straighten the sheets.

"Brina, you don't have to do that. We make the bed for you," Janet informed her.

Brina looked surprised, then disturbed. "Can I please do it myself?"

"Sure, if you like," Susannah agreed.

Brina hesitated before she headed for the bathroom. "No one will touch my bed while I'm gone, will they?" They heard fear in her voice.

"No, Brina. We'll stay right here and make sure no one touches it," Sam promised.

Brina was a little unsteady on her feet, no doubt due to the sedative Todd had been given earlier. Yet she managed to walk unassisted.

"Why do you suppose she came out while Todd was sleeping?" Viki asked Susannah as soon as Brina was out of earshot.

"I'm not sure. Todd appeared to be dreaming. Perhaps the dream triggered the switch," Susannah guessed.

"Do you have any idea why this one is so concerned with germs?" Sam inquired.

"No, not yet. She might be exhibiting mysophobia . . . a fear of germs." Susannah wasn't sure at this point.

"She seems very delicate and fragile," Viki commented.

"She didn't know us or Todd. Do you think Todd just split her off?" Sam asked.

"No. I believe she was probably dormant for a while or for many years. I can't be sure at this time," Susannah explained.

"Do you think her coming out has anything to do with Todd accepting the epilepsy diagnosis or with Saber?" Viki wanted to know.

"I don't think so. I believe she may have more to do with some sexual feelings Todd has."

"Susannah." Connie stepped outside the bathroom and motioned her over. "We have a problem. Brina can't go with us in there with her. She tried. I think she's becoming uncomfortable."

Susannah sighed. She didn't feel comfortable leaving Todd or any of the alters alone, even for a few minutes, especially given Saber's recent threats. Susannah thought for a moment. "All right, why don't you and Janet stand just outside the door? Close it half way."

This seemed to do the trick. After a few minutes they heard the toilet flush, then the water being turned on in the sink. Five minutes had passed and the water was still running.

"Brina, is everything all right?" Janet called out through the opening in the door.

"I'm fine, thank you," they heard her call back.

Another couple of minutes passed. The water was still running. They looked to Susannah for direction. Susannah motioned for them to go inside.

"Brina, we're coming in to see how you are," Connie called out.

Brina stood by the sink. She was washing her hands over and over again. She would wash them, look at them and mutter. "They're dirty . . . just filthy." She would wash them over again.

"OCD," Connie whispered to Susannah. Susannah nodded. They both recognized that Brina most likely had an obsessive-compulsive disorder. They also knew it was common for it to start in adolescence.

"Okay, let's get her out of there. If we let her, she'll scrub her hands raw," Susannah whispered back. Susannah stepped into the bathroom. "Brina, do you think your hands are still dirty?"

"They are! They're horribly dirty and full of germs." Brina kept scrubbing her hands as she spoke.

"Did you touch something dirty?" Susannah pressed.

"I try to be careful, but it's all over everything," Brina complained.

"What's all over everything?" Susannah wanted clarity.

"Filth! It's covering everything, especially our bodies. I hate my body. It's disgusting. Especially . . ." Brina's voice trailed off.

"Especially what, can you tell me?" Susannah pushed.

Brina shrugged. "Especially the parts where we go to the bathroom," she whispered.

Brina rinsed her hands off. She studied them closely, front and back. She shook her head in disgust and lathered up again.

Susannah quickly glanced in Janet and Connie's direction. Susannah knew the best way to treat OCD was, usually, CBT. In this case, she was afraid that Cognitive-Behavioral Techniques might be too stressful for this fragile child who just came into their world. She realized she would have to take it slowly. Susannah hoped that Zoloft would help since SSRIs were often helpful with OCD. Susannah knew it was most likely obsessive sexual thoughts and possibly images and impulses that were driving Brina's compulsion. The ritualistic hand washing was the "undoing" of unacceptable thoughts. She was trying to wash away the guilt and shame. It helped to relieve her anxiety and stop the thoughts.

"Brina, the soap you're using is an antibacterial soap. You have already gotten your hands very clean. Washing them too much will irritate your skin. Let's go inside and talk a little." Susannah hoped her disorder didn't fall into the severe category.

Brina rinsed her hands and checked them out again. "No, they're still dirty. I can see it all over them." She looked down at the rest of her body. She looked toward the tub. "Can I take a shower?"

"Not right now, honey. I'd like for you to talk with me for a while." Susannah's voice was gentle, but firm.

Brina's eyes welled with tears; they trickled down her cheeks. "Please! I have to wash the dirt off. It's all over me."

Susannah stepped a little closer. "Brina, you mentioned living with the man. Can you tell me what you remember about being out before?"

"Please don't send me back to him! No! Please! I'll be good. I'll be clean! Please!" Brina was sobbing as she begged.

"Brina, shhhh. I promise. You will never have to live with the man again. The man is dead. He can never hurt you. Never!"

Brina became very quiet. "He's dead?" They were surprised to hear sadness in her voice.

"Yes, honey. Peter Manning is dead." Susannah watched Brina's reactions to this news.

Brina squeezed her eyes shut. "Can I have some aspirin? I have a terrible headache. I think I have a brain tumor." They were all shocked to hear her ask for medication. Never, had an alter or Todd been willing to be medicated, let alone ask for it.

"Brina, we'll get you some Tylenol. That will help your headache," Susannah promised."

"Thank you," Brina whispered.

"I can also tell you that Todd has very recently had some tests done on his brain and he does not have a tumor so neither do you," Susannah hoped to reassure her.

They noticed she had stopped washing her hands. She still stood by the sink. Hopefully the compulsion had passed, at least for a while.

"Brina, I think your head would feel better if you came inside and sat down for a while. Would you like something to eat?"

"Can I prepare it myself? I don't like anyone touching my food?"

Susannah did not like the sound of this. She didn't press the child for now. "Yes. We have a pantry and there's a microwave oven you can use if you want to heat something up," Susannah informed her.

They were all happy that she seemed willing to eat and take medication. Nevertheless, they were very concerned about her fear of contamination.

"Doctor Hanen, did they hurt?"

"Did what hurt?" Susannah inquired.

"Those tests that Todd had so you know he didn't have a brain tumor."

"No. They took some pictures of Todd's brain in a big machine that looks like a tunnel." Susannah described the MRI and CT scan.

Brina thought for a minute then surprised them by suggesting, "Maybe I should have those test too, to make sure I don't have a brain tumor?"

"Honey, I promise you. If Todd doesn't have a tumor, then you don't either. You live inside Todd's body. You share his brain."

Brina seemed to accept this. She was about to leave the bathroom when she caught a glimpse of her image in the mirror. "What is this thing! Why is it stuck to my face and nose?" she panicked. She put her hand near the NG tube, but did not touch it. They could see she wanted to. Her fear of touching herself held her back.

"Brina, that's called a nasogastric tube. It's a feeding tube. It won't hurt you. Todd and most of the children who live inside him don't eat enough to stay healthy, so we feed them this way," Susannah explained. She moved a little closer, in case Brina did reach for the tube.

Brina didn't. She calmed down. "It's important to stay healthy," Brina stated.

"Yes, it's very important," Susannah agreed. "You're a very smart girl to realize that."

Brina smiled. She finally stepped out of the bathroom. Janet brought her some Tylenol. Brina smiled again. "Plastic cups, I like plastic cups." She looked around the room. Brina headed for a box of tissues on the table. She lifted one out and used it to take the pill cup from Janet. She tore off a little piece of the tissue and lifted one of the pills to her mouth. She did the same with the other. She then took another tissue for the cup of water Janet still held. They all realized Brina had some very serious problems. After checking to make sure Brina had swallowed the pills, they walked her outside.

*****

"Brina, would you like to meet my son and Todd's wife?" Viki asked.

"Yes. That would be lovely," Brina answered politely.

"Téa, Kevin, I'd like you to meet Brina." Viki raised her eyebrows slightly as she spoke. Kevin and Téa understood that Todd had switched to yet another alter. "Brina is twelve years old. She doesn't like to be touched, so please be very careful," Viki cautioned.

"Hello, Brina. It's very nice to meet you," Téa greeted the young girl. A big smile covered the nervousness she felt at meeting an adolescent, female alter.

"I like your outfit." Brina admired the beige suit and white silk blouse Téa wore.

"Thank you, Brina," Téa said simply.

"When I grow up, I'm going to have an outfit like that," Brina remarked and then looked shyly at Kevin.

"Hi, Brina. What kinds of things do you like to do?" Kevin too felt a little awkward around her.

"I like school, especially Health Ed. I like to play the piano and I like to draw."

By this time, they knew they shouldn't be surprised to discover another of Todd's talents, yet they were.

"Brina, we have a music room here. If you like, after you have your snack, you can play the piano in there," Susannah informed her.

"Really! I would love that. Thank you. Sometimes the music makes the germs go away. Did you know that?"

Kevin and Téa quickly caught Viki and Susannah's eye. Even thought they didn't know what Brina was talking about, they realized this alter had her own issues.

"No, Brina. I didn't know that. Can you explain how music makes the germs go away?" Susannah coaxed.

"Yes. The germs come out when you're bad and there's bad and evil all around. Music is very beautiful. It's so beautiful that they can't survive around it."

"Honey, who told you that?" Susannah asked gently.

Brina looked down. "Can I go get something to eat now? I'm very hungry."

Susannah smiled. "Sure you can." Susannah introduced Steve. She turned back to Brina. "Connie and Steve will take you to the pantry."

*****

"A twelve year old girl? What happened? What made him switch?" Téa asked, as soon as Brina headed down the hall.

"We don't know. He was waking up from the sedation. He seemed to be dreaming and then Brina was out." Sam told them what had happened.

"What's with the fear of being touched?" Kevin asked.

"Brina most likely suffers from an obsessive-compulsive disorder," Susannah answered.

"I did a piece on that, remember Mom?" Viki nodded. "It was about people who couldn't stop washing their hands or checking to see if the door was locked or if the stove was turned off and things like that." Kevin tried to remember some more of what he had written.

*****

Brina looked through the food in the refrigerator. "There's nothing healthy to eat," she complained. Connie and Steve, who were in the pantry with her, looked at each other and smiled.

"I'm sorry, Brina. The other children who live inside Todd like these types of foods, when they eat. We can order almost anything you'd like from the cafeteria," Steve let her know.

"Can I go there and make my own food?" Brina's question was more of a plea.

"No, hon. I'm sorry. You can't go off the unit," Connie gently explained.

Brina went on to lecture them about all the reasons the food they had was unhealthy.

"Well, you certainly know a lot about nutrition," Steve complimented her.

"I learned it in school," Brina casually mentioned.

"Did you get to go to school a lot?" Connie probed.

"Some. I liked the school part. My sister only cares about having fun."

"What's your sister's name?" Steve kept his voice nonchalant.

"Angel. She's my twin."

"Do you girls look alike?" Connie prodded.

"We're identical, but we don't look alike at all. I think I'll have some of these." Brina pointed to some peanut butter and cheese crackers. "At least they're wrapped in plastic," she added. She also chose a cup of orange juice. She pulled some paper towels out of the dispenser on the wall. She used them to lift the food from the cabinet and the refrigerator.

As they walked back toward the dining table in the dayroom, Connie tried to get some more information about Angel. "Brina, you said that you and your sister were identical but that you didn't look at all alike. Can you explain what you mean to me?"

"She likes to look like a bad girl. I don't like her and I don't want to talk about her, please, do I have to?"

"No, hon, not right now. Why don't you sit down and enjoy your snack." Connie pointed to a chair.

Connie sat with Brina. Frank stood nearby. Steve walked over to where Sam, Kevin, Tea, Viki and Susannah sat, talking. Susannah had been explaining that she needed to get Brina to talk about any intrusive thoughts and feelings she had and how washing her hands or taking a shower helped alleviate or lessen them. She explained that she would have to get Brina to talk about her ideas on sexuality and sex. She had to get her to explore how she got the ideas that she had.

"We know that answer to that one," Sam remarked bitterly.

"Don't be so sure. Most of it probably came from Peter, but Barbara may have done plenty of damage in her own way. Don't forget the way some of her comments and attitudes affected Andy," Susannah reminded them.

Steve told them about Angel. He also told them about Brina's complaints about the food. That made them all chuckle.

"We'll have to find out what she likes and make sure there's plenty of it around," Susannah told him.

They were all thrilled to have a child who wanted to eat. They were still very concerned about her only wanting what was wrapped in plastic. Steve told them about the way she used paper towels to touch everything. Susannah wondered if it was only her fear of the world contaminating her or if she feared she was contaminating the world.

Viki, Sam and Susannah joined Connie and Brina at the table. Brina was just finishing up her snack. They noticed she had placed a paper towel under her food. She had torn off little bits of another to lift each cracker with. She lifted the juice cup with still another napkin. She avoided all skin to object contact.

"Brina, can you tell us a little bit about your sister?" Susannah asked.

"She's a nasty girl. I don't like her."

Brina's relationship with her twin was in complete contrast to the close relationship the other twins enjoyed. These twins were also the first ones they've met who, apparently, didn't mind being separated.

"In what way is she nasty?" Susannah pressed.

Brina looked down, uncomfortably. "I'm a good girl!" Her tone was defensive.

"Of course you are, sweetheart. You're a very good girl," Viki soothed.

Brina's hand accidentally brushed against the napkin that the plastic wrap from the crackers rested on. It fell to the floor. Sam reached for it before she had a chance to. Brina quickly grabbed another napkin and rubbed the spot on her hand that came in contact with the plastic wrapper. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to drop it." They saw tears in her eyes.

"Oh, Brina. That's all right. I'll just throw it away for you," Sam offered. Out of force of habit, he stroked her cheek.

Brina grabbed yet another unused napkin and began to frantically wipe the cheek that Sam had just touched.

"Brina, I'm sorry. I forgot. I won't touch you again. I'm sorry." Sam felt horrible. The last thing in the world he wanted was to upset this young girl.

"Brina, it's all right. You can't catch anything from Sam just touching your cheek," Frank assured her. He moved a little closer. Brina's cheek was getting red from the hard rubbing and in her panic her nails were causing scratches.

"Brina, you need to take your hand away from your face now." Susannah spoke firmly. She didn't want to have them physically restrain this child. Brina rubbed even more frantically. "Brina, we are going to have to help you to keep your hands away from your face if you can't do it by yourself," Susannah cautioned.

"Put some gloves on and bring some extras with you," Susannah whispered to Janet.

Frank, Connie and Steve all moved in a closer. Janet rushed for some gloves. When she returned, Susannah quickly assigned limbs, should a physical restraint become necessary.

"Brina, you're hurting yourself. I'm giving you one more chance to stop rubbing your face. If you can't, we are going to have to touch you to help you keep your hands down," Susannah told her.

Brina jumped up and headed for the corner of the room, near the nurses station. She slid down and wedged herself into the corner. "Please don't hurt me! Please don't hurt me!" She rubbed her face even more furiously as she pleaded.

"Brina we're not going to hurt you. We need to keep you safe," Susannah explained.

Suddenly Brina doubled over. "Ooohhh! Ooooohhhhh! It hurts. I'm dying. Everything hurts! Help me!" Brina was gasping for breath and shaking.

"Wait here," Susannah instructed Todd's family. Susannah approached Brina. She knelt down near her. She was careful not to touch her. "Brina, honey, we're going to help you," Susannah comforted her.

"I'm dying," she gasped.

"Can you tell us what's hurting you?"

"My head and my arms and legs and . . . and everything," she sobbed.

"Brina, will you take some medication to help you feel better?" Susannah asked. She was encouraged by Brina's previous request for aspirins. The terrified child nodded. Susannah ordered some lorazepam for her.

They were all shocked at this child being so willing to take medication. She was the first one, since Todd had been hospitalized, who would willingly take any meds by mouth.

Brina's hands were shaking so badly the first pill slipped out of the medication cup in her hand. "Ooohhh, please don't be mad at me. I'm sorry. Oh! I can't breathe. My heart is beating so fast. I'm dying! Please help me! There's too much filth. I'm dying!"

Janet picked up the pill and quickly retrieved another. "Brina, will you let me drop the pill in your mouth. I'm wearing gloves. My hands never touched the pill." Janet held up her hands for Brina to see. Brina hesitated.

"Honey, it will make you feel better," Susannah promised.

Brina nodded. Janet slipped the pill into her mouth. Janet held the cup of water to her mouth with her gloved hand. Brina drank some water. Janet checked her mouth.

"I'm still sick. The medicine didn't help!" Brina cried.

"Brina, you have to give it some time to work. It'll take a few minutes. Honey, you need to slow your breathing down. I'll help you. I don't have to touch you. Just copy my breathing." Brina finally started to calm.

"You're doing great. That's it," Connie encouraged.

"Am I dying? Do I have cancer?" Brina looked up at Susannah and asked tearfully.

"Noooo. You had an anxiety attack. You're okay. Are you feeling better?" Susannah wanted to hug this child.

"A little. I'm still all shaking and my stomach hurts and my head. Maybe I need some more medicine?"

"No, honey. You had enough. It just needs a little time to work. Brina, do you think you can tell me what you felt when Sam touched you?"

Brina's head lowered slightly. Her eyes were cast down. She lifted her eyes. Those close by could see the difference immediately. The fear and panic in Brina's eyes had been replaced with a mischievous and coy look. The color of Todd's hazel eyes, which had looked almost brown when Brina was out, changed to a shade of green. Her pale cheeks became slightly rosy. She stood up and headed in Sam's direction.

"You can touch me all you want." The alter who came out said, seductively. Her voice was soft, but not delicate or timid. She took Sam's hand and placed it on her cheek. Sam froze. He didn't know how to react to this alter. Susannah walked to where they stood.

"Hi, my name is Doctor Susannah Hanen. Do you have a name?"

"Angel." She stared into Sam's eyes as she answered Susannah. She pulled Sam close to her. Her face was nearly touching his. "I'm an angel cause I can take you to heaven," she whispered. She placed her hand on Sam's crotch as she continued to stare deeply into his eyes.

Sam pulled her away from her. "Todd! Stop this!"

Angel looked confused. In a voice filled with hurt and anger she cried out, "I'm a girl! It's okay for a girl!" She approached Sam again and rested her head on his shoulder.

Sam took a deep breath to calm himself. "Angel, I'm Todd's friend and your friend. Friends don't touch each other like that."

Angel looked at him. She put her hands around his neck and started to kiss him. Sam felt her tongue in his mouth. Sam pulled his face away as he pushed her off of him. "ANGEL! STOP IT!" Sam was immediately sorry for shouting at her.

Susannah approached them. "Angel, touching someone, sexually, who doesn't want to be touched isn't okay."

Angel looked into Sam's eyes again. "Don't you like me?" A tear slid down her cheek.

Sam tried to stay calm and explain. "Yes, I like you very much, but like a daughter."

"Then I know what you want." Her voice once again purred in a seductive tone. She started to pull her pants down.

"Leave your pants on," Susannah spoke firmly.

"I know how to make my daddy happy. I'm a good girl. I'm not creepy like Brina." Angel continued to take her pants off. Téa could not believe this was happening. She stood still, afraid to move.

"Angel, leave your pants on and move away from Sam." Susannah's voice remained firm.

Angel stopped tugging at her pants. She pulled them back up. She looked as if she were going to burst into tears. Then she looked Sam's way again and looked around the room. She spotted Kevin off to the side. He was standing next to Téa. They noticed how seductively she moved as she approached Kevin. She kept looking back at Sam, making sure he was watching her.

"Is he your husband or boyfriend?" Angel asked Téa as she pointed to Kevin.

"No, of course not. I'm Todd's wife." Téa responded with shock in her voice.

"Angel do you know Todd?" Susannah asked.

"No," Angel answered. She never took her eyes off Sam. Angel walked in back of Kevin.

"Okay, Angel. Come on. Stop this," Kevin said. He was becoming very uncomfortable.

"Angel, I want you to move away from Kevin and sit down right over there." Susannah pointed to one of the chairs.

Angel ignored her. She put her arms around Kevin's neck. She pressed her body into his and rubbed up and down against him. She started to nuzzle his neck. She looked, defiantly, at Sam.

"Damn it, Angel. I said stop!" Kevin felt disgust. He was afraid he'd hurt Todd's body if he pried her off of him. He tried to control his voice, but it came out harsh anyway.

"I can make you feel good," she whispered to Kevin.

"Angel move away from Kevin. No sexual touching," Frank stated calmly. He moved closer to her.

"Angel, if you can't stop yourself, we will hold you until you can," Susannah explained.

Angel burst into tears. "I hate all of you! I hate this place! I'm going home!" She looked around and headed for the doors. Susannah and her staff quickly exchanged looks. They understood what she wanted.

"Angel, move away from the doors," Connie spoke firmly.

"I WANT TO GO HOME. MY REAL DADDY LOVES ME. HE LETS ME MAKE HIM HAPPY! HE WANTS ME! I HATE ALL OF YOU!"

The medication Brina took seemed to be having little affect on Angel. Susannah didn't want chance giving her any additional meds so soon if she could avoid it. They all moved closer to her, with Susannah getting the closest.

"Angel, It isn't safe for you to be near the doors. You are getting one more chance to move away from them. If you can't, we will have to hold you to help you stay safe," Susannah cautioned.

Angel looked at her and made a beeline for the doors. She started to pound on them and kick out at them. She screamed in frustration when they wouldn't give. Her knuckles were becoming bruised. Angel wasn't strong. It wasn't difficult to get her into a hold. It took only three staff members and Susannah. Susannah held her head and did verbal communication with her. "Angel, I know you're very angry now and it's okay to be angry. We'll keep you safe."

Téa, Sam, Kevin and Viki looked on. They hated what they were seeing. They did not want it to come to this.

"EVERYONE HERE HATES ME! LET ME GO! LET ME GO! I WANT TO GO HOME TO MY DADDY! I HATE IT HERE! LET GO OF ME! NO ONE LIKES ME HERE. MY DADDY LOVES ME! I HAAAATE YOUUU!" Angel shrieked.

Susannah was about to order her sedated when her body went limp. Then it became rigid, but there was no struggle.

"What? What's happening?" They heard Todd's panicked voice.

"Todd, it's Doctor Hanen. You're safe. You're in the dayroom. We're holding you to keep you safe. I'm holding your head and Frank is holding you in his arms. Connie and a very nice nurse named Janet are holding your legs."

"Viki!" Todd cried out.

Viki rushed to him and knelt down next to him. He was understandably disoriented to wake up and find himself being physically restrained. He had know way of knowing where he was or who was holding him. Susannah was amazed at his determination to stay blind and cause himself so much additional suffering.

"Todd, we want to let you go. You need to calm down so we know you'll stay safe," Susannah said gently.

"I didn't do anything. I didn't do anything!" Todd cried out.

"We know you didn't. We just need to make sure you're calm before we let you go. Todd, you're very safe here. Take some slow, deep breaths and try to relax," Susannah soothed.

Todd wanted to reach out for Viki. He couldn't free his arms. "Please let me go! I didn't do anything," he pleaded. Susannah cautiously released his head. "Viki, help me," Todd cried out.

"Shhhh. I'm right here, sweetheart."

Slowly his limbs were released.

"Viki, Sam!" Todd wept.

Sam knelt next to Viki. "I'm right here, pal. Everything's going to be okay." Sam felt far away and removed from the situation. He felt like he was on automatic pilot. He was giving Todd the responses he knew he should. Inside he felt numb.

Frank slowly loosened his grip on Todd's arms and torso.

"It's all right, baby. Sam and I are here with you," Viki told him lovingly and gently.

Todd reached out in the direction of their voices. Viki took him in her arms. Sam started to reach for both of them, and then pulled back. He realized he was still reacting to Angel. He couldn't help it. He didn't feel comfortable hugging Todd right now and he hated himself for it.

"Sam," Todd cried. He wanted to be comforted by Sam as well as Viki.

"I'm here Todd. I'm right here. Everything is okay. I'm here with you," Sam assured him. He wouldn't touch him.

Téa and Kevin stood to the side. Téa understood. Nevertheless, she was angry at Sam's reluctance to hold Todd. It was killing her not to be able to take Todd in her own arms or to even let him know she was there. She was afraid of making the situation worse. Kevin understood how Sam felt. He could still feel Angel in back of him and it made him sick. He also hated himself for feeling that way. Just when he was trying to figure out how he felt about Todd, Kevin now had this issue to deal with.

Viki held Todd tightly. She cast Sam a look that said, "Please, don't let this affect how you feel about him."

Sam placed his hand on Todd's shoulder. Todd sat very still. They saw his expression turn to one of panic.

"What'd I do? Oh, God! I did something bad and none of you will tell me! Sam hates me! What'd I do! What'd I do! TELL ME!"

Sam realized Todd immediately felt his reluctance to touch him.

"Sweetheart, you didn't do anything. I swear to you." Viki comforted him.

"Sam's angry because I was mean to Nora. He's gonna leave town. He won't help me get Téa back."

Téa and the rest of them didn't realize what Todd was talking about, but Sam understood. Todd was confusing what had happened when Sam had first gotten to town with now. When Sam first found out what Todd had done to Nora he was furious with him. He told him he was going to go back to Chicago without helping him. The look of hurt, fear and confusion on Todd's face broke Sam's heart. He hated what he was feeling. He was about to take Todd in his arms when Todd squeezed Viki's hand.

"Where's Doctor Hanen! I fee. . . ." He never got to finish his statement. Todd started to seize in Viki's arms.

"Lay him down," Susannah quickly instructed. Viki froze. Susannah, Frank and Connie immediately took him from Viki and laid him on his side.

"Oh God! What's happening to him," Viki cried out. She noticed the pinkish foam spilling from Todd's mouth.

Susannah put her arm around Viki's shoulder. "Viki, shhh. He bit his tongue. That's common. It'll be all right."

Kevin rushed over to his mother and helped her up. "Come on, Mom. Let them take care of him." Kevin winced. He had never seen anyone have a seizure before, neither had Téa.

Téa stood off to the side. Her arms were wrapped tightly around her torso. She was breathing heavily.

Frank gently escorted her to a chair. "He'll be fine," Frank assured her.

Sam looked as if a truck had hit him. He believed he had somehow triggered this seizure by his attitude. Sam couldn't believe the last thing Todd would remember before he went into seizure was his coldness toward him.

Susannah looked around the room. The full impact of this patient's illness on his family was obvious to everyone. The devastation was apparent. Susannah had to make sure to explain to all of them that Todd feeling a seizure coming on was a good thing and so was Brina and Angel coming out. Susannah hoped it meant that Todd was getting closer to dealing with the sexual issues that so greatly contributed to his illness and to his not being able to be the kind of husband to Téa that he so desperately wanted to be. She wanted to tell them all, especially Téa, that they should feel encouraged. Right now all they could do was wait for Todd's latest seizure to stop.

TO BE CONTINUED