"Tea. Tea please, we're family. It's all right. Actually, it was Todd . . . well . . . Andy specifically. When he was talking about some of the sexual abuse he suffered and the way he felt about it, it uncovered some of the feelings I had buried very deep within me. These were feelings that had no memories connected to them until I started talking to Susannah about them. Tea, I am more like Todd than you know. When a child is sexually abused it twists their perceptions about sex . . . about their body . . . about their sexuality . . . about everything. It makes them feel that what nature meant for their body to do is wrong, that it is bad. They confuse the act committed against them, which was bad, with their body's normal response to it."

*****

Viki had been sitting in the cafeteria nursing a cup of coffee and thinking about her last session with Susannah. She thought about the two questions Susannah had asked her. Whom did she feel she was hurting when she tried to make love with Sam and why was she uncomfortable thinking about her time with Sloan Carpenter? Viki sat there stirring her coffee over and over again. Her mind drifted back to Sloan. He was a good man . . . a dignified man. She loved him. He loved her. Why did is memory make her uncomfortable? Viki looked at her watch. It was time to go to Susannah's office.

"Good morning," Susannah called out cheerfully.

"Good morning," Viki replied and then asked, "did you meet with Tea? She has a lot of conflicting emotions when it comes to Todd and the alters."

"Yes. Tea and I had a long talk. I think she understands the situation a little better. Now, let's let all talk of Tea and Todd go until after our session, then we can discuss it at length if you like." Viki smiled. She knew Susannah was not going to let her get away with anything. "At the end of our last session, you mentioned feeling that you were doing something wrong when you and Sam tried to make love. You said you felt like you were hurting someone. Do you have any idea who that someone might be?"

"No. I have thought about it. At first I thought it might be some residual feelings for Clint, but I really don't think so. I have accepted that both Clint and I have moved on. I will always feel love for him, but I am no longer in love with him. Jessie says he seems very happy in Arizona and she loves being with him."

"That is good. Clint is a very fine man," Susannah acknowledged and went on. "So, you know that you are not feeling like you are betraying Clint. Do you feel like you are betraying Sloan's memory?"

Susannah noticed Viki tense up at her bringing up Sloan. "No. Sloan would not have wanted me to spend the rest of my life alone," Viki answered with some certainty. She crossed her legs and folded her hands in her lap.

"So, if it isn't Clint and it isn't Sloan, whom do you feel you are hurting?"

"I really don't know, Susannah. It's not like I visualize a specific person. It's just a feeling."

"All right. Why don't we do this? Sit back and relax. Close your eyes and picture yourself with Sam. Picture yourself starting to make love to him. Picture you and Sam until you get to the point where you need to stop."

Viki felt very uncomfortable. She shifted in her seat. "Viki do you remember the relaxation exercises I taught you? Why don't you try that?"

Viki uncrossed her legs and took some deep breaths and tried to relax her body. She was surprised at just how tense her body was. It took her some time. Finally she was able to relax, to some extent.

Seeing much of the tension leave Viki's body, Susannah said, "Good, now just lean back in the chair and let your mind go to you and Sam. Picture yourself in the place you and Sam like to make love."

Viki pictured herself in her bedroom at Llanfair. She could feel Sam next to her. She felt his arms around her. They felt good . . . safe. She could smell his aftershave. She saw their mouths meet and felt their lips and tongues come together. She felt Sam's hand on her breast. Suddenly Viki opened her eyes. Her body became tense again. "Dear Lord!" Viki gasped.

"What is it Viki? What did you see?" Susannah probed. Viki didn't answer. "Viki, it's safe to talk about it here. Did you see or feel something that surprised you?"

"Sloan. I saw Sloan," Viki whispered. "My God, I don't feel like I'm betraying Sloan's memory. Why would I see him?"

Susannah could see how distraught Viki was. "I don't know, Viki. Let's try to find out. What was Sloan doing when you saw him?"

"He was standing over Sam and me. Sam's back was toward him. I was the only one who could see him. I was holding Sam. We were just about to make love," Viki said. She looked down at her hands.

"And Sloan just walked into the room?"

"No. It was as if he or his presence had been there all along. It was as if I should have known he was there and I shouldn't have been with Sam. Why would I feel guilty because of Sloan? He's dead. If I didn't feel guilty cheating on Clint with Sloan why on earth would I feel guilty now?" Viki couldn't understand what her mind was doing.

Susannah knew that Viki had never really discussed the fact that she did, in fact, cheat on Clint with Sloan. From everything she knew about Viki this had been very uncharacteristic for her. Even during Viki's first therapy, she had not spoken much about Sloan. "Viki, does Sloan say anything to you when he sees you with Sam?"

"No. He just stands there, looking very disapproving and . . ."

"And what?" Susannah pressed when Viki stopped mid-sentence.

"I'm not sure. He looks . . ." Viki stopped again. She tried to visualize Sloan's face once again. "Betrayed . . . he looks betrayed," Viki realized after a minute.

"All right, but as you said yourself, Sloan would not have wanted you to be alone. So why do you think he would feel betrayed if you were with Sam?"

"I don't know. Honestly Susannah. I just don't know.

"That's okay. You can't be expected to figure it all out at once. Let's go back to when you first met Sloan. Were you attracted to him from the start?"

"Yes, although he was very different man when I first met him. He was so stern and cold. He had no tolerance for those in the world who were different from him."

"How so?" Susannah prompted.

"He had another son . . . William. William was gay. He had died from AIDS. Sloan had wanted nothing to do with William. He acted like he hated him. This caused a serious rift between Sloan and Andrew. At the time, Marty Saybrooke had falsely accused Andrew of having a sexual relationship with a young boy named Billy Douglas. In fact, Billy was very good friends with Joey. I have to tell you that for a while I wondered if Joey and Billy were . . . well . . . were more alike than we knew."

"If you had found out that Joey was homosexual, would that have bothered you?"

"It's not what I would have chosen for him, but I would have accepted it. I understand that it is really not a lifestyle choice and if that's what Joey was, then that's what he was. Clint, on the other hand, had a very strong reaction to Joey's friendship with Billy. I had never seen that side of Clint. He seemed unreasonable and bigoted. I did not like who he had become. It seemed that he suddenly turned into the worst side of what the Buchanan men are. His intolerance for Billy and for Joey's friendship with him disturbed me greatly. That was when I started to have feelings for Sloan."

"But you just told me that Sloan was also intolerant of homosexuals and that he had turned his back on his own dying son."

Viki realized it was true. At the time she first became attracted to him what was bothering her about Clint, could also be said of Sloan. "I've always traced my being unfaithful to Clint to his attitude about Billy and Joey. How could it have been that, when Sloan's feelings at the time were not all that different?" Viki felt very confused. Something she had believed for years had just come crashing down on her.

"If I remember," Susannah began. "Sloan had come to town for several reasons. He was dying of Hodgkin's disease and wanted to make amends with Andrew and also because of the book he was writing."

"Yes, 'Lord of the Banner.' My God, how that book changed my life. Sloan had Father down in so many ways. Yet he never suspected the kind of man Father really was. No one did, not even I," Viki laughed bitterly. "Well, maybe that's not true," Viki continued. "Dorian knew. I think she was the only one who really knew father and I hated her for it."

"Did you hate Dorian because she was able to see Victor for the kind of man he was?"

"Yes, of course. I didn't want anyone knocking Father off the pedestal I put him on."

"Was that the only reason you hated Dorian?" Susannah posed.

"No. Dorian and I always had personalities that clashed. She tried to come between Father and me and between Father and his oldest son, Tony. She caused a bridge between them that was there almost until Father died. Father never did get to change his will to include Tony and it was Dorian's fault. She wanted Father and his money all to herself. She was always jealous of me."

"Do you think it's fair to say that you felt exactly the same way about her?"

Viki was stunned. "I disliked Dorian. That's not the same as being jealous of her."

"Viki, I know that you disliked her. That does not preclude your being jealous. Did you feel jealousy toward her? Here you had Victor to yourself all these years and now there was this woman you had to share him with. It's only natural."

"No! There is nothing natural when it comes to Father. I did not want my father to spend the rest of his life alone. I knew that Dorian only married him for the money and power being Mrs. Victor Lord would bring. You should have seen her parading around Llanfair like she had been there all her life. One of the first things she did was replace my mother's portrait with one of herself. She took over every aspect of Father's life. She preyed on his weaknesses and desires. She played him like a fiddle. She made a fool out of him. No one wants to see that happen to their father."

"That is true. It would hurt any child to see that happen to a parent. So, Dorian took over. Who's position was it that she took over?"

Viki hesitated for a moment. "We . . . I . . . m-my mother's. She was trying to take my mother's place."

"Your mother had been dead for many years by the time Victor married Dorian. Viki, who's place did Dorian take over?"

"Viki felt her stomach twists into knots. She realized what Susannah was getting at. "You want me to say my place, don't you?" Viki's voice had a slight angry edge to it.

"Only if it's true. Do you feel that Dorian took your place in your father's life?" Susannah asked gently.

Viki stood up and walked to the window. Susannah wondered how Todd would feel when he someday realizes just how much his sister is like him.

Viki was quiet for a few minutes. Susannah waited patiently and silently. "All right. Yes! In some ways Dorian did replace me and it did bother me. I used to plan things for father . . . social events and things like that. I would sometimes attend them with him, even after I was married to Joe. Father would ask my opinion about things. He respected my judgment. I always got that from him. I knew he thought I was intelligent. I knew he was proud of me. It wasn't like the way Peter made Todd feel."

"Did you feel your father thought less of you once he married Dorian?"

"Not less . . . he didn't ask my opinion about things as often. He had Dorian," Viki said sarcastically.

For a moment her expression and the way she said Dorian reminded Susannah of Niki. "You were happily married to Joe at this time. Did you want your father to still be so dependent on you?"

"He wasn't dependent. Father was never dependent. He just needed me sometimes."

"So now he needed Dorian. Why does it bother you so much?"

Viki noticed Susannah used the present tense. "Susannah, I am long over resenting Dorian for marrying my father. I think sending her to death's row for a crime I committed was more than enough punishment."

"Punishment, for what? For stealing Victor away from you?" Susannah posed.

Viki felt defensive. "If it had been anyone other than Dorian I'm sure I would not have reacted as strongly. She was not the first woman father left me for. I didn't hate Irene."

"Left you for? Do you mean not the first woman your father cheated on you with?"

Viki turned from the window. Her face was contorted with rage. "My father was the pervert! He was the who choose to have sex with a child . . . his own daughter!"

"Viki, I know that. Victor put you in a wife's place. That can make a little girl's feelings about what she is supposed to be to her daddy very confused."

"I am not a little girl now and I am not confused. I hated Dorian because of the kind of person she was. Not because I wanted her place in bed next to my father!"

"Did you hate Irene?"

"No! I said I didn't. My God, Susannah, Irene was a victim. She was little more than a child when Father seduced her. He didn't love her. He only wanted to get back at me." Viki stopped. She realized what she had said. "Oh, God, was that it? Was he trying to make me jealous? There were so many young beautiful girls working at the Banner. Why did he have to go after my best friend? Was it to punish me for Roger Gordon?"

"That was Megan's father?" Susannah asked for clarity.

"Yes. It was shortly after that when Father started his affair with Irene. Irene was the sweetest and most gentle creature. Oh God, how I wish Todd could have been raised by Irene instead of the Mannings. I just feel that somehow I am partially responsible for Todd being condemned to the life of hell that he had."

"How could you possibly be, in any way, responsible for that?" Susannah inquired.

"I know it doesn't make sense. Maybe it's because Father would never have been with Irene if it weren't for me."

"Are you saying it would have been better for Todd to have never been born?"

"God no! Todd is a gift to this world. He may never believe that, but it's true."

"You didn't know of Todd's existence. In what way could you be responsible for Victor giving Todd to the Mannings?"

Viki felt a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach that she didn't understand. "I don't know. I have always had a feeling that somehow I am partially responsible for Todd being taken away from Irene. Maybe it's because of what we just spoke about? Maybe I have always unconsciously known that Father had an affair with Irene to make me jealous? Maybe I could have somehow stopped that?"

"How do you think you could have stopped your father from having an affair with Irene?" Susannah questioned.

"I don't know. Maybe if I had been . . . if I hadn't been with . . ."

"If you hadn't cheated on your father with Roger or with Joe? Viki don't you see? Your conscious knows you have every right to have had a lover and a husband and a life separate from Victor's and you know that he had a right to have one separate from you. Your unconscious says something else. What I hear you saying, in regard to Roger, Joe, Dorian and Irene, is that you and your father were cheating on each other. Your father's reasons for entering into these relationships were sick and twisted. Yes, I believe he was trying to make you jealous and to get back at you. You were just trying to live a normal life, but inside you still felt like you were betraying your father. He put you in the position of being a wife to him. All those years sharing love with him also meant sharing a bed with him. It is only normal that you never learned to separate the two."

Tears had started down Viki's cheeks. "So what are you saying? That I was jealous of Irene and Dorian's place in my father's bed? That I wanted to continue to be the one he had sex with?"

"No. Viki, you never wanted to have sex with your father. You wanted his love. Because of what he did to you, you confused the two. Much in the same way Andy offers himself to Sam. He doesn't want to be molested. He sometimes gets confused and thinks that is the way a parent shows love to a child."

"Susannah, I thought I was past all that," Viki stated tearfully.

"Oh, Viki. In many ways you are. Just the fact that you are in this room, discussing this rationally with me, shows me how far you've come. I can't even begin to tell you how proud of you I am." Viki looked down at the floor. "Come sit down." Susannah patted the chair next to hers. Viki walked toward it and sat down. "Viki, your father made sure you would grow up feeling that way. He wanted that. It was his sickness that caused those feelings, not yours. It was his actions. You only reacted. You reacted in the only way you could. There is a normalcy in the way you reacted. Have you ever spoken with Dorian about the way you felt?"

"No, not in great detail. I did apologize to her for thinking she killed father for all these years. It is ironic isn't it? I wanted my father's love more than anything. For so much of my life it was the most important thing to me, until I met Joe. Then Joe's love became more important than anything. Father could no longer control me in the ways he was used to and he certainly couldn't control Joe. No one could control Joe. So Father got himself a new weapon . . . Dorian. Oh, she was a much better weapon than Irene. Irene was his dirty little secret . . . like me. But Dorian . . . oh Dorian was right out in the open. I guess my love for Joe called for the heavy artillery. It was not the puppy love I had with Roger. Father wanted me to love him more than anyone. He never wanted me to have a normal life. He was too selfish for that."

Viki paused as more realizations came to her. Susannah offered silent support. "I wonder if, in the end, Father still believed I would come back to him someday? I wonder if he felt betrayed? I wonder what his last thoughts were when I smothered the life out of him?" Viki started to tremble, but she continued. "I can still see his eyes as I came at him with that pillow. They were disbelieving. He must have thought I would stop. He must have believed that until the last breath left his body. I know he was vile and hateful, but how could I have done that? I can't even step on a bug. How could I have looked into my own father's eyes and smothered him? Do you know how long it takes to smother someone? Minutes! I had to stand there and hold that pillow down on him and press it into his face to make sure his air was cut off . . . and do you know what. I felt pleasure in it. Oh my God, it's true! I have all of Tori's memories now. This is one I wish I didn't have. I stood there and felt pleasure as I snuffed the life out of my own father. Todd thinks he's evil? He thinks he deserves to be punished? Even after all Peter did to him, when Todd's father was dying, he stood there still loving him and begging him live. You tell me Susannah! Who is the evil one? Who is the one who should be punished? Who!"

Viki put her face in her hands. She was sobbing and trembling. Susannah let her be for a minute and then gently rubbed her back. "Viki. Viki." Viki looked at her. "Neither brother nor sister deserve to be punished. You both reacted in the only way you could. The part of you that was Tori believed that was the only way to finally end your torment. It wasn't just revenge. Viki, you just wanted it to stop hurting. You had that right. Everyone does." Susannah put her arm around Viki's shoulder and said, "what this brother and sister do have in common is not evilness or being punished, it is intelligence, bravery and strength. Both you and Todd have this amazing strength. Perhaps it is the one gift Victor gave to both of you? . . . Strength and survival instincts the likes of which I have never seen."

Viki smiled weakly. "I still don't know why I saw Sloan standing there when I thought about Sam."

"Would you like to continue to explore that?" Susannah offered.

"I think I would like to go freshen up and then see if I can get Timmy or whoever is out to eat some lunch. I think I need to put the daughter part of me to sleep for a while and bring out the mother part."

Susannah agreed. Viki had enough for today. "Why don't you take some time to think about Sloan and why you feel he is the one you are hurting when you have relations with Sam and we can discuss it next time? I will be in to see Todd in a little while. I think once you get him to eat, if you do, you and Sam should go and have a nice leisurely lunch, anywhere but the hospital cafeteria. You need some down time from this place Viki. You and Sam both do. If all was well with Todd, Viki intended to take Susannah's advise.

*****

Timmy and Tea were putting together a puzzle when Viki came into the room. Sam hadn't come back yet. "Mommy!" Timmy shouted happily. He held his arms out for a hug. Viki took him in her arms and held him as tightly as she could without hurting him. "Mommy, Terry cleaned my stitches and it hurt a lot, but Jeff said I was a brave boy."

"Yes, he was. He was very brave," Tea confirmed.

Viki kissed Timmy's forehead. "You are my brave, beautiful boy. I love you so much sweetheart." Viki had a renewed sense of just how painful therapy was she knew what a torturous road Todd and all of them had ahead. "Where's Sam?" Viki asked Tea.

"He had to go to his office for a little while. He should be back any minute," Tea answered.

"Daddy promised he didn't go away forever," Timmy added.

Viki sat next to him and held him. "Oh, baby. We will never leave you forever. I promise. No one will ever leave you again." Just as Viki said that, Sam walked into the room.

"Daddy! You came back." Viki and Sam exchanged looks. It seemed no amount of promises could ever completely reassure Timmy, most of the children and Todd that when someone left it wouldn't be forever. "Daddy. I was real good and I did whatever Tee said." Timmy remembered what Sam had told him before he left.

"Timmy and I had a very good time together," Tea stated. She smiled at Timmy.

"Mommy . . . daddy . . . listen. I know how to count to ten in Spanish. Tee taught me again and I made the birds sing." Timmy counted to ten for them. His pronunciation was off, but he had all the numbers down. Viki, Sam and Tea all applauded.

"Very good sweetheart," Viki praised.

"Well, Tea. You'd better watch out. Timmy is going to be speaking Spanish as good as you very soon," Sam declared.

Hearing this made Timmy giggle. Timmy turned to Tea and said, "Tee. I forgot to show Auntie Dorian how I can count."

"Auntie Dorian?" Both Viki and Sam asked at the same time.

"Auntie Dorian came to visit." Timmy started to explain. "She said to call her that. Did you know she's Starr's aunt too?"

"Yes, baby. We know," Viki replied. She stroked Timmy's cheek. Viki was getting a bad feeling about "Auntie Dorian's" visit.

Sam sat down and started to help Timmy with the puzzle. It was a little awkward for Timmy to only be able to use his left hand.

Viki took Tea aside. "What did Dorian want?"

"She said she came to see you. Timmy was sleeping when she got here and I didn't want to leave him alone to talk to her outside the room. She was only here for a few minutes. I left to make a phone call. She said she'd watch him. She said he was very fond of her and that you knew it."

"I wouldn't exactly say fond, but she was kind to him the couple of times they met. What's with the Auntie Dorian?"

"I don't know," Tea admitted. "They were talking about something when I came back into the room. He woke up while I was out. I told Dorian to get a staff member to get me immediately if he woke up. She didn't."

"Yes . . . well that's Dorian for you," Viki proclaimed.

"Viki, I'm sorry. Did I handle it wrong by trusting her to be alone with Timmy?"

"No, Tea. No harm was done. I do believe even Dorian has a soft spot for Timmy," Viki conceded.

Viki and Tea looked at each other. "Auntie Dorian?" they both said and laughed together.

"Mommy?" Timmy called.

"Yes, sweetheart. What is it?"

"Is Kevin coming to see me today?" Timmy asked hopefully.

Viki was afraid of this. She knew that sooner or later Timmy would come out and ask for Kevin. Viki sat next to Timmy and put her arm around his shoulder. "Kevin's not feeling very well sweetheart. I don't think he'll be by today."

"Kevin's sick?" Timmy's chin beginning to quiver as tears welled up in his eyes.

"No, pal. He's not really sick. He's just a little under the weather," Sam tried.

"He got rained on?"

"No," Sam answered. He smiled and hugged Timmy to him. "That means that he's not very sick. He's just not feeling well enough to come here," Sam explained.

"Oh," Timmy responded sadly. Then his face brightened a little. "Can I draw him a picture? Maybe it will make him feel better?"

"Sure you can pal. I'll get you some paper and crayons."

Tea hated to leave. However she really needed to get to the office. She knew that she would be rearranging her schedule. She wanted to make sure she had plenty of time to come for visits. Tea told Timmy she had to get back to work.

"Are you ever going to come back again?" Timmy pressed. She could see sadness in his eyes.

"Angelito. I will come to see you whenever you want me to. You just tell mommy or daddy to call me and I will come right to you."

Timmy reached out and hugged her. "I love you a whole bunch Tee. I'm glad you're not mad at us."

Tea hugged him back. She kissed him on top of his head. "I love you too angelito." Tea's voice broke with emotion as she continued. "I was never mad at you and I will see you very soon." Tea could understand why Sam and Viki have put their lives on hold to be at the hospital with Todd and all the alters. She gave Timmy one final hug and left.

Timmy had been out for three days. He still had to be held down every time his wounds were cleaned. Susannah had ordered a stronger pain medication and it went a little easier on him. Unfortunately, the medication left him more groggy and out of it for a longer period of time. Tea had been to visit him each day. They noticed he seemed to be getting more depressed as each day went on. He was refusing to eat or drink anything. Not even pudding in his bird dish, a promise of learning some new Spanish words and numbers or the "Moose Story" could not tempt him to eat or drink. They were keeping him hydrated with IV solutions. He showed no interest in getting out of bed or playing with any of his toys or puzzles or in drawing. On the morning of the third day, Susannah had him heavily sedated. She had them run some blood tests and an ECG. They cleaned his wounds while he was out so he wouldn't have to be heavily medicated later. The test showed nothing new. He was still anemic. The Procrit had not had a chance to work yet. His renal functions were still slightly elevated. His electrolytes and blood sugar were normal. He had been awake for a couple of hours.

"Hi sweetie," Susannah greeted him. She stroked his head. He was just lying limply, on his right side. He was not moving. He stared off into space. "Timmy, are your boo-boos hurting?" He shook his head so slightly it was almost unperceivable. "Sweetie, can you tell us what's bothering you?" Timmy shrugged his shoulders.

"Angelito, would you like me to tell you the Moose story again?" Tea coaxed. He shook his head. Tea looked at Sam and Viki. They felt just as helpless as she did.

"Do you think it's one of the medications?" Sam asked Susannah.

"I don't think so, but I can't say for sure," Susannah responded.

"Each day he is just more and more depressed," Viki observed.

"Do you think he knows what's upsetting him?" Tea inquired.

"If he does, he doesn't want to talk about it," Susannah guessed.

Blair showed up unexpectedly. She was surprised to see Tea there. "Have you suddenly decided to show some interest in Todd?" Blair immediately got a dig in. She was feeling very annoyed at finding Tea there, again.

"I have always been interested in how my husband is doing. I just choose to listen to those who know what is best for him." Tea glared at Blair after getting her own dig in.

"Well, I wouldn't stay away from him just because someone told me to," Blair bragged.

"Yes, Blair. We've all noticed that," Tea responded angrily.

Giving Tea one last dirty look, Blair headed into Todd's room. Her look of anger immediately turned to one of concern when she saw Timmy. "What's wrong with him?" she whispered to Viki, after taking her off to the side.

"He seems to be very depressed. He has lost interest in everything," Viki answered.

"Maybe it has to do with the sudden visits from the current Mrs. Manning?" Blair spat the words out.

"Blair, Timmy and most of the alters love having Tea visit them. I understand you have a problem with Tea, but please don't let Timmy pick up on that."

"You don't have to worry about me Viki. I would never say or do anything to upset him. I just think you and Sam should take that into consideration." Blair walked back over to the bed. "Hi cutie pie. Can you tell Blair what's bothering you?" Timmy shrugged. "How would you like me to read the bird book to you? We can look for the bird who looks like Moose." Timmy gave no response. "Timmy, baby, would you like that?" Blair asked again. He shook his head. Blair took his hand. It was limp. He was like a rag doll. "Do you think you can show me the art room again?" Blair tried once more. Timmy just stared off into space. He was either not hearing her or not responsive enough to answer. Blair stayed for a little while longer. "All right cutie pie. I'll go now. You tell them if you want me to come back and I'll be right here."

Viki stayed with Timmy while Sam walked Blair out. Tea was still sitting outside of the room. Blair turned to Sam the second they were out of the room. "Sam, this is ridiculous. Look at him! How can you stand there and tell me this is still the best place for him?"

"Blair, he's depressed. We don't know why, but we will find out."

"I don't understand this. First you all allow him to deteriorate until he's practically at death's door, then you allow him to hurt himself so severely. You let them pump him full of drugs until he doesn't know if he's coming or going and you can't figure out why he's depressed! He needs to be home Sam. He needs to be out of this place. He needs to be taken off all those drugs."

Hearing Blair's loud protests, Tea stood up and approaching Sam and Blair. "If Todd were not in the hospital now, he would probably end up killing himself. Why don't you just lay off! Sam and Viki are upset enough."

"I don't remember asking for your opinion, Chiquita! I think you have a hell of nerve even being here considering what you're up to."

"What am I up to Blair? Something that only exists in your warped mind." Tea's voice was raised in fury.

"How do you think Todd will feel when he realizes what his devoted wife and his new best friend are up to!" Blair's own voice was now raised.

Tea looked like she was about to hit Blair. Susannah came rushing down the hallway. "I could hear you two from Todd's room. What the hell is the matter with both of you? Timmy is not deaf. If you want to fight with each other than take it outside."

"Tea is just having trouble accepting responsibility for her actions," Blair remarked, getting in one final dig.

"Look! I don't care who started this. I will not have you arguing in ear shot of Timmy or any of them like that," Susannah stated firmly.

"I was just leaving anyway," Blair announced. She glared at Susannah and Tea. "Doctor Hanen, perhaps you should be more selective over Todd's visitors," Blair stated and headed for the doors.

"I'm sorry about that," Tea apologized as soon as Blair had left. "She just has a way of pushing my buttons."

"Tea, I understand that," Susannah said more calmly. "But if this situation arises again I would hope that if Blair doesn't have enough sense not to allow Timmy or Todd or any of them to hear an argument, then you do and you will and just walk away."

Tea realized Susannah was right. She prayed Timmy wasn't listening. They all went back into Todd's room. Viki scolded Tea, as Susannah had, but said that Timmy showed no sign of hearing the argument. He had not moved an inch or changed his expression since Susannah had left him. He continued to stare straight ahead. He was lost in his sorrow.

Susannah sat on the bed and lifted Timmy to her. She also noticed his body was like a rag doll's. His arms hung limply at his sides. She had to support his head to keep it from lopping to the side. "Sweetie, please tell me what's bothering you. Maybe we can fix it if we know?" Timmy didn't respond. Susannah got Alan to come to visit Timmy. He described some new toys that had come into the playroom to him and told Timmy he could come to play with them if he wanted. He too received no response.

*****

Dorian was startled by the sound of Blair's shouts, after the maid had let her in. "Dorian! I can't believe the nerve of her. I just can't believe it!" Blair yelled as she came into the living room and started pacing. Her anger increased with each step.

"Blair will you calm down and tell me what and who you are talking about?" Dorian knew this must have something to do with Todd.

"The current Mrs. Manning. That's whom I'm talking about. She has suddenly decided to become a part of Todd's life again. You should see her there . . . sucking up to Sam and Viki and Doctor Hanen. 'Oh, yes, I will do whatever you say. I will obey your rules.'" Blair imitated Tea. "It doesn't matter if the rules are killing Todd. God! She doesn't give a damn about him. She is only there because I made sure everyone found out about her and Kevin. She is trying to prove that it is a lie by getting them to think she cares about Todd. She wants to make sure she doesn't lose out on Todd's money. I know Sam and Viki love and care about Todd and Doctor Hanen is trying to do what she thinks is best . . . they are so wrong. Oh Dorian, they are so wrong. Everything they do to him just makes him sicker."

"Has something else happened to him?" Dorian asked partially out of concern and partially because she wondered if Timmy had told someone about their little talk.

"Timmy is still out and he is very depressed. It's absolutely heartbreaking. He is just lies there, staring off into space. He is so sad and lost. He's not eating or even drinking water. He's all hooked up to IVs again."

Dorian felt a fleeting moment of guilt. She wondered if her talking to Timmy about leaving the hospital had caused this. She debated whether or not to tell Blair what she did. She knew if Blair found out from Timmy or someone else she would be furious. She was grateful Timmy had not seen her take the check from Viki's purse. She did not want Blair to know she was planning on getting to the bottom of the mystery surrounding Victor's visit to Todd.

Blair calmed down a little. She poured herself a cup of tea. "Matthew Allen left a message for me to meet him at his office tomorrow. I guess he has decided whether or not to take my case."

Dorian could tell Blair was anxious. "Blair, don't worry. If he doesn't, we will find someone who will. Any lawyer should be eager for this case. Do you realize how controversial it will be? The great Victoria Lord Carpenter being taken to court for being an unfit guardian . . . the tabloids will eat it up. It almost makes me sorry that the Sun isn't the rag it used to be."

Blair looked at her aunt. Dorian was smiling. She was enjoying this too much. "This isn't about getting back at Viki, Dorian! It is about saving Todd."

"I know that. I was just thinking that the whole world finding out that Viki is not a fit guardian for her poor sick brother would work in your favor. My heart goes out to that sweet, sick child. He was fine when I saw him. It must have been Viki or Tea or even Sam who upset him."

"You saw him? When did you see him Dorian?" Blair asked through clenched teeth.

Realizing what she had said, Dorian now tried to put a positive spin on the incident. "I went to the hospital to lend my support to Viki and Sam. No matter what I think about her we are family."

Blair was not impressed with Dorian's claims of support. "What did you say to Timmy?" she demanded to know.

"Nothing . . . really. Viki and Sam were both gone and Tea was watching him."

"TEA!" Blair shouted. "They left Timmy alone with Tea!"

"Yes they did." Dorian answered. She was happy that Blair's anger was now directed at Sam and Viki.

"How could they do that? Don't they realize Tea wants to harm him? They're not stupid. Don't they know that Tea will be better off if Todd is dead? As his wife she will get everything that is not willed to Starr. Then she and Kevin can have it all while laughing at Todd and at what they pulled this off right under everyone's nose. My God! What are Viki and Sam thinking allowing that innocent baby to be alone with Tea?"

Dorian didn't believe Tea would harm Timmy, or any of them. In fact she had seemed quite devoted and very patient with Timmy. However, Dorian wanted to keep Blair's anger focused away from her. "I definitely think you should make sure your lawyer knows about Viki, Sam and Doctor Hanen being irresponsible enough to leave Timmy alone with someone who may not have his best interest in mind." Dorian encouraged Blair's rage and paranoia.

"Oh, you just bet I'll be telling him. Viki knows Tea is screwing around with Kevin. I don't know if she is protecting her son or if she is just blind to what he is capable of. He always hated Todd. Viki and Sam both know that. Did you know that Kevin deliberately hit Timmy in the eye with a football when he was home during Christmas time?" Dorian was genuinely shocked at that. "It's true! Viki interprets it as a good thing because she believes it's what made Kevin come around and believe that Todd is really ill. I say he is just a sadistic bastard who is more like his grandfather than anyone wants to believe. He always took pleasure in hurting Todd and now he took his hatred out on a helpless little boy."

"Blair, you know Viki will stand by her son no matter what."

"Then I will just have to get irrefutable proof that Tea and Kevin are screwing around behind Todd's back. I just know Tea is biding her time until she can get rid of Todd all together. Our Ms. Delgado is not one to do without for long, if you know what I mean?" Blair smirked.

"It has been a while since Todd has been hospitalized," Dorian agreed.

"It's been longer than that," Blair said in a quieter and more confidential tone. "The way I understand it is that Tea never could get Todd to trust her enough to . . . "

"Are you telling me that Todd and Tea never had sex?" Dorian interrupted. She whispered the last two words, for some archaic reason.

"That is my understanding," Blair stated smugly. "She never knew how to handle Todd in that way. Not the way I did. He needs patience and reassuring. Even then I know he had major problems when it came to sex. I knew how to make him trust himself and to trust me," Blair boasted.

What Blair didn't know was that, for the most part, the man who enjoyed making love to her was Rodd. In her more rational moments Blair had her suspicions that it may not have been Todd whom she dealt with many times during their marriage. Now she desperately wanted to believe that she, and she alone, were able to reach that part of Todd.

Blair had no idea how much Todd had wanted to be able to share that part of himself with Tea or how not being able to ate him up inside. It made him despise himself and want to die. He couldn't understand what was wrong with him and he felt like less a man for it. It made him bitter and full of rage. It also terrified him. He wanted to be everything Tea needed and was sure that she would end up leaving him because he was not. Blair had no idea how Todd felt watching Tea take off her robe, that wintry night . . . how much he wanted to touch her and be what she was asking him to be. She didn't know the panic Todd felt and how his heart started to pound and his head started to hurt or the fear he felt. What he felt was not nervous or embarrassed, but outright terror. He felt as if Tea were going to force him. He knew how unreasonable that was. He felt like something horrible was going to happen. Many times Todd had dreamed of the day he would be able to be with Tea. He always dreamed that when the time came, for once, those horrible and confused feelings that engulfed him at the thought of sexual relations would not be present. He prayed that, miraculously, they would have just gone away. He hoped that maybe this time they would be driven away by the strong love he felt for Tea. When the same feelings started, as he looked into Tea's brown eyes . . . loving him . . . inviting him to touch her . . . promising herself to him and asking for him in return, he felt the familiar terror. He felt the panic. He felt rage. Blair also had no way of knowing that although Todd still cared about her and still loved her, as he always would, on the rare occasion when his mind was clear enough to still dream, his dreams were of a life with Tea.

Even if Blair had realized all this it wouldn't have made much difference. Blair loved Todd with all her heart. She was determined to get him back when he was well. She was sure once Todd was in his right mind it would be her he wanted. Blair believed the only reason he thought he loved Tea was because he didn't think she loved him. Blair knew how badly she hurt him when he found her with Patrick and when she turned against him after her accident. 'This time I will make sure he realizes how much I love him and only him. If they don't kill him first,' Blair thought to herself.

Having gotten her tirade about Tea out of her system, Blair once again began to focus on Dorian's visit to Timmy. "All right Dorian. Tell my what you said to Timmy." Dorian hesitated. "Tell me Dorian! I'll find out anyway. If you said or did something to cause that baby to become depressed this way, so help me I'll . . ."

Dorian cut Blair off "Before you threaten me, perhaps you should know I was paving the way for your case. I was there helping you."

Hearing this did not reassure Blair. It panicked her. "Dorian, what did you do?" Blair forced herself to stay calm.

Dorian stood up and walked to the mantel. She made some busy work for herself straightening some knick-knacks. "I let Timmy know he had options," Dorian finally stated.

"You let him know . . . Dorian! Timmy is four years old. You discussed options with a four year old?"

"I just let him know that he has a place with you and Starr and that he doesn't have to stay in a place that hurts him." Clearing her throat nervously, Dorian added, "I also let him know it would make you and Starr very happy if someone asked him whom he wanted to stay with and he told them you and Starr."

"Damn it Dorian! You didn't! You used my little girl try to trick Timmy into saying he wants to live with us? He's a little child . . . younger than Starr. How could you try to manipulate him that way?"

"Well! That is the thanks I get of trying to help you and save Timmy? I don't know why I bother?"

"I wish you wouldn't, Dorian! I really wish you wouldn't. Now Viki and Sam are going to know exactly what I have in mind and they will be coming at me with everything they've got before I even get to talk with my lawyer."

"No! Blair that will absolutely not happen, Timmy promised me he wouldn't say anything."

"Oh man! This just keeps getting worse. You made that child promise to keep secrets from his parents."

"And from Doctor Hanen," Dorian added. She figured at this point she might as well let Blair know that too.

"How did you get him to promise that? Did you threaten him? Dorian if you did . . ."

"Blair, for God's sake! Is that what you really think of me? You think I would threaten a sick and frightened four year old?"

"Dorian, sometimes I don't know what you are capable of."

"I did not threaten him!" Dorian sat down and played with the cuff of her blouse. "When I told him you had a room at the penthouse waiting for him and that he could live with you and Starr he thought that I meant that he and his 'mommy and daddy,'" Dorian held up the first two fingers of each hand, "could all come and stay with you and Starr. He even wanted to know if Doctor Hanen could come," Dorian added sheepishly.

"What happened when you told him that it would just be he? You did explain that to him, didn't you?" Blair asked through clenched teeth once again.

"Yes! Of course I did. Blair, you have to remember this was the first he heard of it. He's a very young child. Children that age are frightened by change and . . ."

"Just tell me what he said Dorian!" Blair was losing patience.

"He became very agitated and frightened. He started to cry and said he wanted to stay with his mommy and daddy and Doctor Hanen."

"Great! So now you frightened him away from me before I even had a chance to approach him, MY WAY!" Blair paced for a few minutes. Dorian folded and unfolded a napkin, several times. "How did you eventually get him to promise not to say anything?" Dorian didn't answer. "TELL ME!" Blair shouted.

"Blair, if you are going to scream at me, I will go upstairs right now!"

With her hands clenched in fists at her side, in a calmer voice, Blair asked, "Tell me?"

"I may have led Timmy to believe that you were planning on surprising Sam and Viki by trying to find room for them too." Dorian winced slightly at her own words.

Blair said nothing. She closed her eyes. She was trying to keep from strangling Dorian. "Did you also lead him to believe that I had spare room for Doctor Hanen and the entire staff of the psychiatric unit?"

Dorian swallowed hard. "Blair, he was starting to become hysterical. I didn't want Tea and the staff to hear him crying. I had to think of something to calm him down."

"So you promised him that Sam and Viki and who knows who else could live here too? That was the best thing you could come up with to calm a four year old?"

"A disturbed and terrified four year old," Dorian pointed out in her own defense.

"You are that one who frightened and disturbed him!" Blair couldn't believe that Dorian could be so blind to her actions. "Well, you'd better pray that he doesn't go back and tell Sam, Viki and Doctor Hanen and forewarn them that I plan on trying to take him away from them."

"I'm sure he won't. I think Timmy is an honorable little boy." Dorian spoke with as much confidence as she could muster, under the circumstances. She was hurt that Blair was not grateful for her help.

"Actually, I don't think Timmy is saying too much of anything these days," Blair said sadly. All of a sudden her expression turned to horror. "My God! What if that's what's causing this depression? What if keeping that promise to you and keeping secrets from his parents and Doctor Hanen is eating away at him and causing him to be this depressed. Dorian, you really did it this time! Now I have to tell Sam and Viki and Doctor Hanen what you did and what I'm planning."

"Blair, don't do anything you'll regret. Forewarned is forearmed. Don't give up your surprise advantage. I am sure that this is not what's causing Timmy's depression. Children keep secrets from their parents all the time. It really didn't seem like such a big deal to him."

"You don't know Timmy. He is a very good and obedient little boy. He is completely honest. He doesn't lie. That may be a foreign concept to both of us, but that child never lies. You asked him to go against his nature."

"I did not ask him to lie. I doubt if anyone is going to ask him if I told him he could live with you. He has probably forgotten all about it by now."

Blair thought about it for a minute. "No. I can't let him suffer even and extra minute. If this is causing his depression then, such as she is his doctor has to know. Maybe once it is out in the open he will feel better?" Blair picked up her purse and jacket.

"Blair, wait! Before you go running off half-cocked, just think for a moment. If you are wrong and this is not causing his depression you will have warned them of your plans for nothing. They are taking care of him. They are keeping him fed and hydrated. Give it one more day. If his depression doesn't lift by tomorrow you can always go and explain how I was trying to give Timmy some hope and something to look forward to."

Blair loved the way Dorian was always able to be her own spin-doctor. Still, there was some sense in what Dorian said. Perhaps it was something else causing Timmy's depression. Blair told Dorian she would wait until tomorrow. Blair headed home to be with Starr. She had a strong need to hug a child.

*****

Tea had gone back to her office for a while. She came back in the late afternoon. There had been no change in Timmy. Susannah wanted him out of the bed. However, she hated the thought of him being dragged out of bed against his will. She knew that would severally traumatize Timmy. Tea sat next to him on the bed. She stroked his head. "What is it, angelito? What is making you so sad? You look like you lost your best friend?"

"That's because he don't like me no more."

They all were shocked to hear Timmy's voice. "Who doesn't like you anymore?" Susannah asked. Tears started to slowly roll down Timmy's cheeks. "Sweetie, tell me who do you think doesn't like you anymore?" Susannah pushed gently.

Without looking up at Susannah, Timmy whispered, "Kevin." Timmy burst into tears. "Kevin's not my bestest friend no more. He never comes to see me. He stopped liking me. He thinks I'm bad and he stopped liking me." Timmy's sobs were heart wrenching.

Viki took Timmy in her arms. "Oh baby, no. Kevin loves you. He's still your best friend. We told you. He just hasn't been up to a visit."

They couldn't believe he became this depressed and upset over this. They knew he adored Kevin, but underestimated the depth of his caring.

"Kevin loves you very much. Don't worry angelito. Kevin loves you." Tea leaned in and kissed him on the head as Viki continued to hold him and rock him. "I'll be back later," Tea said to him and left.

Timmy continued to sob and cry that Kevin wasn't his "bestest" friend any more. Finally exhausting took over and he fell into a fitful sleep. Viki stepped outside and called Kevin's cell phone. There was no answer. She tired the newspaper. Kevin wasn't there. She tried Llanfair, Joey's and even the house he shared with Cassie. Viki decided to go to Llanfair . . . perhaps Kevin had gotten drunk again. No luck. She headed back to the hospital. What Viki didn't know was that Tea had been there before her. She had pounded on the door and screamed for Kevin. Tea had tried the newspaper even before Viki had. Suddenly, Tea had an idea where Kevin might be.

*****

Tea was not surprised to see Kevin slumped over the bar at the Palace. She walked up to him. "Kevin!"

"Well, Tea. We meet again. Ooooh, better make sure Blair is not hiding under a table." Kevin laughed at his own joke.

"Bring him some black coffee and a glass of ice and keep it coming," Tea said to the bartender.

"Hey, if I wanted coffee I'd be sitting in Starbucks," Kevin snapped. He was annoyed that Tea was interfering with his drinking.

"Kevin. Kevin!" Tea turned his face toward hers sharply. "You need to sober up right now! You have to come to the hospital with me. Timmy needs you."

Kevin's heart started to race. "Why? What's happened to him?"

"He has gone into a severe depression because he thinks he lost his best friend. That's what happened to him. He won't eat or drink or play or get out of bed. He just lies there, not moving a muscle. He thinks you don't like him anymore."

"Oh God!" Kevin wailed. He was already getting sober, without the assistance of coffee. "Tea, don't you understand? He's better off without me. Sooner or later I will hurt him. I may not hurt him directly, but I will hurt Todd. I will hurt the body that Timmy is in. I won't want to, but I will."

Tea took a deep breath. "Kevin, I appreciate your pain and your fear. I know what it's like to be afraid to see Todd and the alters because you're afraid you'll hurt them. But, you listen to me Buchanan! You are going to have to put your own feelings and fears aside for now! Timmy is just a little boy and he is pining away because he misses you and thinks he is so bad that you stopped liking him. If you want to see him and then come back here and get smashed you have my blessing, but you are coming to the hospital with me as soon as you get some coffee in you. You are not going to let that child think he has lost his best friend. DRINK!" Tea threw some ice cubes in the steaming hot coffee and handed the cup to Kevin.

Some of the other patrons turned to look in Tea's direction. She glared back at them. Kevin took the cup and lifted it to his lips. He pulled it back. Tea dropped some more ice in it. "There, now drink it quickly," Tea ordered.

After four cups Kevin was sober enough to head to the hospital with Tea. "I have to remember to someday tell Todd, when he is well enough, how lucky he is to have you on his side," Kevin commented as they walked to Tea's car.

TO BE CONTINUED

COPYRIGHT 1999/RS

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COPYRIGHT 1999 R/S

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