"I love my dad . . . My dad loves me! . . . I love my da . . . ." The medication put him to sleep. They lifted him to a gurney. Susannah knew he was going to need at least fifteen stitches to close his chest wound and perhaps as many to close the wounds on his right palm and his fingers. Susannah checked out Frank's hand. He too would need some stitches. She ordered him to go to the ER. Susannah had them call a surgeon. As they wheeled Todd to the treatment room, Susannah put her arm around Viki, who was as pale as Todd. Just as they approached the door to the treatment room, they all saw Blair and Dorian waiting to be let onto the unit.

*****

From where they stood outside the unit Blair and Dorian could see Todd, Sam, Susannah and several staff members covered with blood. Blair frantically pounded on the door.

Margie, a clerk at the desk, called, "Doctor Hanen, is it all right to buzz them in?"

Susannah was not happy to have them there now, but she called back, "go ahead."

Blair ran to Todd, leaving Dorian behind. "WHAT HAPPENED! WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM?" she screamed.

"Blair, calm down or I will have to ask you to leave," Susannah stated firmly.

"Todd cut himself with some glass," Sam explained.

As they wheeled Todd into the treatment room, Blair started to go in with them. Susannah stopped her. "Blair, please wait out here. I'll be out soon."

"No! I want to be in there with him," Blair protested.

"Blair, if you want to stay on the unit, please, just wait out here."

Dorian saw Susannah meant business. "Blair. Come on honey. Let's just wait here. Todd has plenty of people with him." Dorian put her arm around Blair's shoulders.

Susannah turned to Frank. "You! Go to the ER. Everything is under control." Frank headed for the elevators and Susannah headed into the treatment room.

"Dorian, did you see him! He was covered in his own blood. They all had Todd's blood all over them. He's already anemic. My God! How could they let him get hold of glass? Do you see what I mean! Todd will die in this hospital. I want him out of here. I want him out of here today!"

"Blair, listen to me. I know you're upset and seeing Todd like that is horrible . . . honey, you cannot just take him out of here. Blair don't you see that this incident only makes your case stronger."

"My case! Damn it Dorian. I'm not thinking about my case. Todd is in danger. He could die in there. He needs to be home, with Starr and me. They are not helping him here. They let him hurt himself."

"I know it seems that way, but we don't know the whole situation, and . . ." Blair started to protest. Dorian put up her hand. "And you cannot . . . Blair, listen to me! You cannot legally take Todd out of here. What are you going to do? Take him to the penthouse and hide him in a closet?"

Blair realized Dorian was right and sat down. She put her face in her hands and then threw her head back as her hands brushed through her hair. "What am I going to do? How can I just leave him here? If he didn't already kill himself?"

"First of all, I am sure Todd will be all right. Many times wounds bleed profusely, even when they are not serious. Todd is in a hospital and if he needs blood they will give him a transfusion."

"Oh God! Dorian, Todd has O negative. What if he does need blood and they can't find any?"

"Blair, I don't think that will be a problem. Please, you really need to calm down. If you continue to carry on this way Doctor Hanen will have security throw you out and how will that look? Todd will be all right. He probably needs some stitches and then he will be fine. Now, why don't you just wait here, calmly." Dorian emphasized the word calmly.

"Viki and Sam are in there with him. Why can't I be?" Blair pressed.

"Blair, like it or not, Viki and Sam are Todd's family. The staff considers them to be his parents. You and Todd are no longer married. You have no legal rights to him."

"Todd and I share a bond that no one else in this world shares with him. We share Starr. That bond makes us a family."

"Not in the eyes of the law or in the eyes of the staff of this hospital." Dorian tried to get Blair to see the reality of the situation. They both looked up when Sam came out of the treatment room.

"Is he all right?" Blair stood up and practically shouted.

"They're stitching him up. He is getting a unit of blood."

"Then they did have a supply of his blood here. I was so afraid they wouldn't." Blair was very relieved over that.

"Yes, they have enough. He's going to need twenty-three stitches to close the gash he put in his chest and about another twenty to close the ones on his hand and fingers. He really did a number on himself," Sam declared.

Blair took a good look at Sam. "Are you all right? Is all that Todd's blood or did you get cut?"

"I'm fine. It's all Todd's. Frank got his hand cut up pretty badly when he tried to get the broken glass away from Todd. He'll be fine too. Susannah insisted he go to the ER."

"Is Todd in pain?" Dorian asked.

"No. They have him heavily sedated. He probably will be when he wakes up . . . or whoever wakes up," Sam added.

"Sam, how could this happen? Wasn't anyone watching him?" Blair tried not to sound accusatory.

"Susannah, Viki and I were all in the room with him. An alter named Rocky came out. He became upset and angry. He broke a lamp. Before we could stop him, he picked up some of the broken glass and cut himself. He thought he was hurting Todd," Sam explained.

"He wanted to hurt Todd? You mean like Pete . . . or that one Saber you told me about?" Blair didn't understand.

"This one is a child. He's ten and he thinks he's very tough and very much like Peter. This one loves Peter and stands up for him. He thinks is father is the greatest guy on earth." Sam emphasized the word greatest.

"How is that possible?" Dorian posed.

"I don't know. Maybe Susannah can explain it to us later," Sam answered as he sat down, wearily.

"Sam, how is Viki doing? This must have been devastating for her." Dorian asked. She made sure the proper amount of concern was in her voice.

"She's hanging in there. Susannah wanted her to go to the lounge and relax, but she insisted on staying with Todd even though he doesn't know she's in the room."

"Well, that does sound like Viki," Dorian acknowledged and then asked. "Can I get you something? Some coffee or something to eat . . . or . . . ah . . . something to wear?"

Sam looked down at his blood-covered clothes. "I keep some clothes here. I guess I'd better go shower and change. Will you ladies excuse me?"

"Of course. We'll wait right here and be here for Viki when she comes out," Dorian offered.

Sam nodded his head. He thanked them and headed for the family lounge to get some fresh clothes.

"Did you hear that," Blair asked as soon as Sam was out of earshot. "They were in the room with him. They were right in the room with him and they let him hurt himself. Oh, you bet I'm going to tell my lawyer about this."

"Blair, just to play the devil's advocate here, there might not have been anything they could have done. It might have happened too quickly, like Sam said. Also, they were dealing with an angry child who had sharp, broken glass in his hand. They had to act cautiously."

"What does that mean? Just let him cut himself to ribbons because they were afraid of getting hurt?"

"Honey, I don't think it was like that. From the looks of Sam, Doctor Hanen and the staff we saw, I'd say they did try to stop him. Blair, we have to get all the facts. You and I both know how difficult it is to deal with the mentally ill."

Blair folded her arms across her chest and shook her head. She was not really accepting everything Dorian just said.

"Why don't I go get us some coffee? Will you be all right for a few minutes?" Dorian suggested and asked.

"Yes, of course I'll be all right. I'm not the one in trouble, Todd is."

"Blair, stay out of that treatment room. They will let you know when you can see Todd."

"Yes, Dorian. I know. Don't worry. I'll behave."

*****

Doctor Kaiser, the surgeon on call, was just finishing up the last of the sutures in Todd's fingers.

"Will he have any mobility problems?" Viki asked Susannah, as they stood to the side.

"No. The cuts to his hand weren't deep enough to do any damage. He will not have the use of that hand for a couple of weeks though."

"Susannah, is he in any danger?"

"No. We are giving him enough blood to replace what he lost and we're going to start the Procrit tomorrow anyway. The only danger is in a possible infection and he's already he's getting antibiotics for that."

"Is that what that bag is that they added to his IV?" Viki asked.

"Yes. He's getting a strong, broad spectrum antibiotic. We will also have to keep his wounds clean. That is going to hurt him. He will be in considerable pain for the next week or so. He will probably have to be kept sedated and on a lot of pain med, especially if the children come out. We can't risk him tearing out the stitches."

"All done," Doctor Kaiser assistant announced. Todd's wounds were dressed.

*****

Blair stood up when she saw them wheel Todd out of the treatment room. He had been cleaned up and was in a hospital gown. She could see a white bandage sticking out of the top of this gown. His right hand was bandaged. She saw various bags of IV solution and a bag of blood hanging over him. He was even paler than she remembered.

"We're taking him back to his room. Just give us a few minutes to get him settled and then you can come in and visit with him," Susannah informed Blair.

"Viki are you okay?" Blair asked.

"I'm fine. Blair, thank you for waiting. Honey, you'll be able to see Todd in a few minutes."

"Viki, I'm not a stranger to him. Of course I'll wait." Viki realized that somehow her statement offended Blair.

"I'm sorry. Of course you would wait. I'm also sorry if Susannah was abrupt with you. We are all understandably upset," Viki admitted.

"Sam went to take a shower and change his clothes. Dorian went for coffee. Can I get you anything?" Blair offered.

"No honey. I'm fine. Thank you for offering and telling me where Sam is though."

Just as she said that they saw Dorian heading back from the cafeteria. "I brought an extra coffee just in case," Dorian announced. She handed Viki a container.

"Thank you Dorian. I was just telling Blair that I'm sorry if we were abrupt with you when you and Blair first got here."

"Oh please, Viki. We understand. You had to see about Todd. How is he?"

"He'll be okay. He lost a lot of blood. He's getting a transfusion and also some antibiotics to guard against infection."

"Infection! I didn't think of that. Viki, that wound is so close to his heart . . . what if he loses the use of his hand and . . ."

"Blair!" Dorian stopped her from saying any more. "Viki, you'll have to forgive her. Blair is still very upset after seeing Todd like that." Dorian turned back to Blair. "Dear, Viki told you Todd is getting medication to prevent infection."

"Blair, I know how frightening this all is. Believe me. I know. I appreciate how worried about you are. It's all right to voice your concern and ask anything you want," Viki declared.

'Isn't that charitable of her? Blair is only the mother of his child,' Dorian thought sarcastically.

They saw Connie enter the unit. "Hi, I came in a little early. They called me and told me what happened. They also told me Todd will be fine," Connie said reassuringly. She patted Viki's arm. She then headed for Todd's room. A few minutes later Terry came out and told them they could go to Todd's room now. Then Terry headed to change.

Todd was still in a deep sleep when they got to his room. His bed was at a forty-five degree angle and his face looked pale and drawn. He was in restraints.

"Why is he tied down? He's unconscious," Blair asked. She was not able to hide the anger in her tone.

"Todd or one of the alters sometimes wakes up unexpectedly. They all react differently to sedation. We don't want him to hurt himself," Susannah calmly explained.

"Isn't it too late to worry about that?" Blair remarked sarcastically.

"No one could have stopped this alter from hurting himself. It happened too quickly," Viki spoke up Susannah's defense.

"Of course not. Blair knows that. She's just upset," Dorian commented sweetly.

"Yes. I'm sorry," Blair apologized. But she thought to herself, 'doesn't Viki even care that they let Todd hurt himself?'

"Viki, can I speak with you outside?" Susannah asked.

Viki was hesitant. Even though Dave was in the room with Todd she hated to leave.

"We'll watch over him," Dorian offered.

"Thank you," Viki stated. She did not like the idea, but was not sure why.

Blair waked over to Todd. She stroked back the hair that had fallen in his face. It fell back down again. She gently tucked it behind his ears. She let her fingers linger on it for a few seconds. "I always did love touching your hair. Do you remember that, Todd? It's so beautiful and silky . . . like a child's. Starr's hair feels like yours when it's freshly washed, but after a couple of hours it feels more like mine. She misses you. Todd, your little girl really misses you. There's not a day that goes by when she doesn't add something she made for you to her 'Daddy Box.' When you come home you're gonna have a so many presents from Starr. There's only one present she wants. Do you know I brought her right here to this hospital for a check up last week? She was on the fourth floor. That's only three floors away from the unit you're on. She was that close to you Todd. She asked if we could come to see you. I told her not yet . . . maybe someday soon. I hope what I told her is true. She was so brave. They did her blood test and she only cried a little bit. She was holding the frog you gave her. She always carries that with her. She talks to it all the time."

Blair bent down and whispered in Todd's ear, "I'm gonna try to get you out of here, baby. I want you to come home with Starr and me. I love you Todd. I want to take care of you and make you well again. Starr and I need you to be strong and well." Blair kissed him on his lips.

Dorian was wishing that she could be alone in that room for just a few minutes. She saw Viki's purse resting on the chair. She wanted to take a quick look through it to see if those papers she found were in there. She wanted to take one of the canceled checks. She needed to find out who James Porter was. Dorian looked at Dave. He was reading a newspaper. Blair had her attention on Todd. Dorian inched her way toward Viki's purse. She was just about to reach down to unlatch it when Blair turned to her and asked. "Dorian, does he feel warm to you?"

Dorian walked over to Todd's bed. She looked at him and felt a small tug in her heart. 'No one deserves this,' she thought to herself. She felt his forehead.

"Is there a problem?" Dave asked.

"I thought Todd felt feverish. I wanted my aunt to feel his head. She's a doctor."

Dorian rested her hand on Todd's forehead for a couple of seconds. "He may be a little warm. It is normal to run a low-grade fever when there is a major wound to the body. Todd's white blood cells are increasing in response to the wound. They rush to the affected area. That is normal," Dorian explained to Blair.

"I'll have Connie come in and do a temp on him?" Dave offered.

"Yes, please, will you do that?" Blair asked. Dave went to the door and told Carl, who was posted outside the door, to let Connie know Todd may have a fever.

Connie stopped to tell Susannah and Viki about it on her way into Todd's room.

Viki became immediately concerned. Susannah told her pretty much the same thing Dorian had told Blair. Susannah had been going over Todd's meds with Viki. She let her know that she wanted to meet with her and Sam as soon as she had a chance to shower and change. She wanted to explain Rocky to them. Before she headed for the showers, Susannah said, "Viki, I know today has been traumatic for everyone, but I hope you remember we have a session scheduled for tomorrow."

"Susannah, do you really think this is a good time for you to be doing this. I know you will have your hands full once Todd wakes up."

"I think we can manage to get your session in," Susannah pointed out. She gently squeezed Viki's arm and asked, "have you given any thought to the last things we spoke about?"

"Some," Viki replied.

"That's okay. I know you've had a lot on your mind. We can talk about it during your session. Just remember . . . we are meeting later to talk about Todd. Tomorrow is all about you . . . not Todd." Susannah gave Viki's arm a final pat and headed for the shower.

*****

"One hundred point six," Connie announced after taking the thermometer out of Todd's ear.

"Do you think his wounds are getting infected?" Blair asked nervously.

"No, not at all. He's running a low grade fever in response to the wounds," Connie explained.

Blair looked at Dorian. Her look acknowledged Dorian saying the same thing Connie did.

Connie checked Todd's vitals. "He's fine," she remarked. She patted Blair on the shoulder to reassure her. Connie knew Blair cared a great deal about Todd and was frightened for him and worried about him.

"Todd and my niece have a child together. She's very concerned," Dorian said to Connie.

"Yes. Viki showed me a picture of Starr. You have a beautiful little girl."

Blair thanked Connie and asked, "You will be checking his temperature throughout the rest of the day and night?"

"Oh, yes. Doctor Hanen ordered his vitals done every hour. Don't worry. We'll be here for him." Connie stroked Todd's head as she assured them.

Viki came back into the room as Connie left. Connie told her what Todd's temperature was. She told her the same thing she told Blair. Viki walked over to the bed and put her lips to Todd's forehead. She pulled his blankets up a little higher and kissed his head. "He's had quite a day," Viki commented. She looked at Blair and Dorian.

"What made him want to hurt himself this way? Sam said an alter who thinks Peter Manning is a great guy came out. How can that be?" Blair wondered out loud.

"I'm not sure. Susannah is going to meet with us as soon as she cleans up. Would you like to attend the meeting?"

"Yes, I would. Thank you," Blair gratefully accepted the offer. Blair turned to Dorian. "Would you mind going to the penthouse and relieving the nanny?"

"No. Of course I don't mind. You know I love spending time with Starr." Dorian hoped that once Blair and Viki left for the meeting she might have a chance to look for those checks and the letter from Victor. "Viki, why don't you go get something to eat or just go put your feet up for a while," Dorian suggested. "Blair and I will stay with Todd and that tech is with him."

Viki looked toward Todd. He was in a deep sleep. "I would like to go home for a little while. I want to bring some things home and bring some fresh clothes here." What Viki didn't add was that she also wanted to check up on Kevin. She knew he was staying at the house and he wasn't answering the phone. "Will you please let Sam and Susannah know I went home? I should be back in an hour or so." Viki went to her purse and checked her cell phone to make sure the battery was working. "The staff knows to get me immediately if there is any change in Todd's condition." Viki placed the phone back in her purse. She then got her coat, took her purse and left. Dorian knew she may as well head for the penthouse.

Blair sat in a chair she pulled up next to Todd's bed. She told him about Starr's latest adventures and about how well Starr was doing in school in some things. "She's inherited your brains, baby. Our little girl is so much like you. I wonder if Starr is the child you would have been if you hadn't been raised by Peter," Blair whispered softly. She stroked Todd's head. She kissed him on the lips again. "If you were awake you would not like me touching you this much, would you?"

Blair bent down and whispered in Todd's ear. "Do you remember the first time we made love? It was my Christmas present to you. I frightened you that night didn't I? I remember how hard it was for you. At first you were afraid of me. You were afraid of yourself. You acted like my touch hurt you. Did it baby? Oh Todd, did I hurt you? Was it even you? You seemed to change a little after a while. I thought you were starting to trust me . . . maybe it wasn't you? Todd, I'm so sorry for all the lies and dirty tricks. I know I tricked you at first . . . but baby . . . I started to love you . . . not your money, Todd . . . you! I grew to love you more than I ever thought it was possible to love anyone. I don't know if you still love me . . . I want you to know you are the love of my life. You are my soulmate. You always were and you always will be." Blair kissed him again. She then just sat quietly by his bedside. Blair believed with all her heart that she could get Todd back. She longed for the life she once had with him and threw away.

Viki walked though the front doors of Llanfair. For the first time in her life, her home felt foreign to her. 'Perhaps it's because I'm never here anymore?' she thought to herself. "Kevin!" she called out. There was no answer. Viki headed upstairs and checked Kevin's room. She was shocked to see him sprawled out on his bed. A bottle of vodka was on the floor by the side of the bed. Three quarters of it was gone. "Kevin! Wake up! KEVIN!" Viki shook him.

Kevin moaned loudly and opened his eyes. "Mom?"

"Kevin! What on earth is wrong with you! Is this what you've been doing with yourself? You've been staying home and getting drunk?"

"Don't worry. I took care of things at the paper. I got drunk on my own time." Kevin's words were slightly slurred.

"The paper? Is that why you think I'm concerned about you . . . because I want you taking care of the paper! Sweetheart, I'm worried about you. I'm worried about what is going on with you that is making you want to get drunk this way."

"Don't worry about me mom. You have your hands full as it is. I just needed a little break. I'm fine!"

"No, Kevin. You're not fine, not at all. Honey, what is going on? Please tell me."

Kevin sat up. "Ohhhh," he moaned and held his head.

Viki went into his bathroom and got a cool cloth and placed it on his head. She then handed him some aspirin and a glass of water. He gratefully took them. Viki lifted his head by the chin and looked into his eyes. "What is it? Honey, you can tell me? Is it Todd? Is it all the time I spend with Todd or are you still worried about your reaction to Pete? Or is it Cassie? Are you and Cassie having problems?"

"Most of the above. Mom, I do not mind the time you spend with Todd. If anything I feel guilty because I haven't been to the hospital for a while."

"Well, Timmy hasn't been out for a while either," Viki informed him.

Kevin winced at the mention of Timmy's name.

"Sweetheart, please. I know you're afraid you could hurt him or one of the others, but I know you. You would never do that. You are human. You had a right to get angry over the things Pete said to you. He was trying to make you angry. We all know that."

Kevin sighed deeply.

"How are things between you and Cassie?" Viki pressed.

"Great. As long as I'm here and she's in our house," Kevin snapped.

"Have the two of you gotten together to talk about things at all?"

"No. I don't think Cassie is ready right now and I know I'm not. Mom, you don't mind me staying here do you?"

"Kevin, for God sake! This is your home. It always was and it always will be. Why don't you get cleaned up and changed and I will too? I'll meet you in the kitchen in about twenty minutes and we can have some coffee. I'll fill you in on Todd and me and you can fill me in on the paper and on you."

Kevin nodded and swung his legs off the bed. Viki headed for her room.

Kevin looked better by the time he came down to the kitchen. Viki had already put up the coffee. Viki told him that Todd had made quite a bit of progress. She explained how he had been able to communicate with them and how he was able to understand what was being said to him. "Kevin, Todd was able to express some of his fears and talk about the way he felt about himself. Susannah was even been able to broach his having DID with him."

Kevin was happy to hear that Todd was beginning to show some signs of progress. He knew that it wasn't all going well though. He could see the pain in his mother's eyes. "Mom, what is it? I can tell that it there is some bad news along with the good."

Viki was hesitant to tell Kevin everything, given his moods of late. However she knew her son knew her too well and he realized she was keeping things from him. Viki filled him in on the things Andy disclosed and the emergence of Rocky and the things he disclosed about Lisa and Sarah's homecoming.

"DAMN THAT SON OF BITCH PETER MANNING STRAIGHT TO HELL!" Kevin shouted. He pounded his fist against the kitchen table, rattling the coffee mugs. "Mom, I'm sorry. I just can't believe the sadism in that man. How is it possible for anyone to hurt a child to that extent? Even Grandpa Victor wasn't that much of a sadist." Kevin looked at his mother. "Mom, I'm sorry. I don't mean to minimize what grandpa did to you . . . it's just that . . . I"

"Oh, don't worry sweetheart," Viki cut in, "I have thought the same thing many times myself. I feel almost blessed to have had my father as opposed to Peter Manning. Not that any child should ever have to have either of them for a parent. Father was sick, twisted and controlling and he could be cruel, but he was not sadistic. When he hurt someone he always had what he believed to be a reason. Even when he tried to keep me away from your father . . . yes, he did it for his own sick reasons . . . but he didn't do it to hurt me or belittle me. He didn't want me to suffer. Peter loved watching Todd suffer. He loved watching Barbara suffer. It was how he got his kicks." Viki then told Kevin that she was having some therapy sessions with Susannah, for herself.

"I'm happy for you mom. I know that everything that happened with Todd must have stirred up some memories."

"It not just that, honey. There were many issues left unresolved when Susannah left town. I want to finally put all my ghosts to rest. I can't expected Todd to do something that is so painful for him if I can't."

Kevin stood up and kissed his mother's cheek. "You always did teach your children by setting a good example."

Viki took his hand. "Kevin, do you think you might be ready to visit Todd? . . . I mean if Timmy comes back?"

Kevin straightened up and looked away from Viki. Just the mention of being around the helpless Timmy made Kevin uncomfortable. He felt love for Timmy well up in his heart. He also felt that irrational fear that he would end up hurting him. "I'm not sure. Mom, I'm sorry. I just don't know if I am ready."

Viki stood up and hugged her son. "I understand. Why don't you call Cassie? Maybe you two can discuss some of your problems?"

"I don't think I'm ready for that either. Don't worry. I won't sit around and get drunk. I'll go out in a little while. I'll stop by the paper and check on things. I'll you know if there are any problems."

Viki kissed Kevin good-bye. She gathered what she needed and headed back to the hospital.

*****

There were no problems at the Banner. The foreman of each department kept things running smoothly. Kevin knew he really wasn't needed there right now. Tea was surprised to see Kevin walk into her little storefront office. "I was just in the neighborhood," Kevin said.

"Sure Buchanan. You always take an evening stroll through Angel Square. What's up?" Tea asked. She noticed that Kevin didn't look too good.

"Nothing much. I have been feeling no pain of late, if you know what I mean?"

Tea did know, all too well. She hadn't been burying herself in the bottom of a bottle anymore. She had been burying herself in work. There was hardly a citizen of Angel Square, with a legal problem, whom Tea wasn't helping. "How are things between you and Cassie?" Tea inquired.

"Fine. Well as long as we each stay in our separate houses," Kevin replied.

"You're still staying at Llanfair?" Tea guessed.

"Yep. In my old room. What does that say about me?"

"It says you're lucky enough to have some place to go to when things go bad," Tea pointed out. She got up and poured some steaming hot coffee into a mug. She handed it to Kevin. "We like it strong around here. This should get you back in fighting shape," Tea joked. She smiled at Kevin.

Kevin took it and took a sip. "Wow! If this doesn't wake me up all the way, I must be dead." Kevin filled Tea in on what Viki told him about Todd.

Tea couldn't stop the tears from flowing down her face. "God! My poor Todd. I can't believe he managed to live his life as well as he did up till now . . . all that horror buried in his mind," Tea wiped her eyes with her hand.

Kevin handed her his handkerchief. "Have you been to see him, recently?" Kevin asked her.

"No. What about you?" Kevin shook his head. "Aren't we a pair?" Tea began. "We can just stay away from all that suffering because it hurts us too much to be around it. How does Todd get away? Even when he doesn't remember, the alters are suffering. Doctor Hanen doesn't give them the option of not being there or not thinking about it. They have to live with it every moment of their lives." Tea's tone was bitter and self-loathing.

"My mom and Sam don't try to escape it either. They stay there. They bear witness to the torture and suffering that Todd goes through," Kevin declared. He felt very guilty. "It's not all bad news." Kevin told Tea about the progress Todd has been making.

"That does sound encouraging," Tea confirmed. "Do you know if he's mentioned me at all?" she asked shyly.

"No, Tea. I don't. I'm sorry. Why don't you go talk to my mom tomorrow or the next day? She would probably know. Maybe you can visit with one of the alters while you're there?" Kevin suggested. He then asked, "Right now, how would you like to have some dinner? I think all I had today was half a stale donut and I'll wager to guess you haven't had much more than that battery acid over there."

Tea smiled. "I guess I could use some dinner, but I get to pick out the restaurant and if you think the coffee was strong, wait until you taste the food at the restaurant I have in mind."

Kevin smiled back. "You're on. Can you leave now?"

Tea checked her watch. "Yes. My next appointment isn't until eight thirty tonight."

"You see clients that late at night?" Kevin was surprised.

Tea gave him an amused look. "We can't all keep banker's hours, Buchanan."

Kevin smiled again and announced, "Then we'd better be on our way." They left to have dinner together.

Sam had come back to Todd's room while Blair was still with him. She told him Viki had gone home for a while. She also told him Viki said it would be all right for her to join in on the meeting about Todd.

"Of course it's all right. Blair, we do know that you love and care about Todd. No one wants to cut you out of his life," Sam assured her.

Susannah came back, shortly afterward, Viki did too. Todd remained asleep. They left Dave sitting with him. They all went to a conference room. Susannah's office was still being cleaned up.

Sam spoke first. "I don't understand. How could this alter feel the way he does about Peter? How could he think Peter is the best father in the whole world?"

Susannah began to explain, "Sam, it's called attachment to the perpetrator. It is normal for a child to want to attach to his or her parent. We are biologically made that way. Much in the same way puppies, kittens, monkeys and most mammals are. The child wants to get love and affection from the parent. At the same time the child is pulling back and recoiling from the abuse. They are caught between wanting to attach and wanting to pull away. That is some of the basis for the dissociation. The child has to push aside the trauma and pain and all those horrible feelings so he can have this picture of a parent who is safe, loving and caring. Every child needs this safe place and person to attach to. As in Todd's case, if the reality of the child's life doesn't give it to them, they make it up for themselves."

"So, by Rocky making Peter out to be this great dad he is trying to give himself a safe and loving father?" Blair asked.

"Yes, exactly," Susannah answered.

"Why does this little boy imagine himself to be so tough?" Viki asked.

"For the same reasons Pete and Saber do. They were trapped in this horribly abusive situation with no way out. They had no control over anything in their lives and absolutely no power. Peter had all the power and control. They were overwhelmed by it and made to feel totally powerless and helpless. They needed to shift some of that power and control from Peter, the perpetrator, to themselves. It gave the illusion of being in control. Rocky feels that he is in a partnership with his dad and that together they are controlling the others. He gets to feel that love and attachment and approval that he needs . . . that this part of Todd needs. He believes the others deserve the abuse so that neither he nor his father is doing anything wrong or bad. He also needs the power of being able to hurt them."

"Is that why he lives with Saber and not Carol and Goodone or Miss Perkins?" Sam asked.

"Yes. He chooses Saber because Saber is Peter to him. It is still Peter's love and approval that he's after. If he can't get it from Peter, he will try to get it from Saber."

"Do you think he realizes Peter is dead?" Viki posed.

"No. I think at this point that knowledge would destroy him. I don't know his rational for not having seen Peter for so long. Perhaps in his mind he does see him. The problem with alters like Pete, Saber and especially Rocky, is that they do not want to work within the system. They want to stay separate and in control of everyone else. They will usually not be cooperative. Control is an even bigger issue to them than to the others. Giving it, and the power they believe they have, up is not something they want to do," Susannah stated.

"So how will you ever get them to cooperated to help Todd?" Blair inquired.

"Usually through give and take and negotiation. I would make deals with them. I may promise not to ask them or Todd about certain things and they would promise not to interfere with certain aspects of the therapy. Or I may promise to get them something they want in exchange for their promise not to hurt anyone or themselves. I believe I can make such deals with Rocky and Pete. I'm not sure about Saber. Saber is sadistic. He enjoys seeing Todd and the others suffering. He has not attached to Peter. He has become Peter. He sees Todd and all the others as a threat to him."

"Oh, man. It sounds like Todd is at war with himself," Blair observed.

"He is. That's exactly what is happening. What we have to do is to get Todd and all the alters to work together."

"How are you ever going to be able to do that? Just about the only thing most of them want is loving parents," Sam stated. "Yes," Susannah agreed. "That is the bond most of them share and that is a starting point. I need to point out their similarities to them. I also need to find a way to get Mike, the gatekeeper, involved in the therapy."

"What about Goodone and Carol and Miss Perkins?" Viki pointed out.

"I don't think Miss Perkins will be a problem. Carol and Goodone are terrified of allowing Todd or the children to be placed in a situation that makes them vulnerable to being hurt, physically or emotionally. Although, I think it is a very good sign that Todd came when I called him. All the twins trusted enough to allow themselves to relax and to go back inside. I am reasonably sure that Goodone heard me talk to him and to Todd and that he helped me get Todd out." Susannah theorized.

"You really think so," Viki asked hopefully.

"Yes. The first thing Todd said, before he was fully with us, was he wanted to go back. I suspect that Goodone pushed him a little. If so, Goodone may be starting to trust us. If we can earn Goodone's trust that will be a major step in bringing Todd forward for therapy sessions."

"Doctor Hanen, that sounds kind of cruel to me," Blair interrupted. "I thought Goodone was the one safe place Todd had. The one place on this whole earth where he can be happy, warm and safe and were he can feel love. Where will he go for that if you get Goodone to reject him and turn him away?"

"No, Blair. It's not like that. Goodone would never reject Todd or force him to do something he couldn't handle. Goodone is just helping Todd to be strong. If Todd really didn't want to come to us today or if Goodone had not trusted us to take care of him and keep him safe, Todd would not have come out," Susannah explained.

"But you didn't keep him safe. You let him hurt himself. Why would Goodone trust you in the future?" Blair didn't understand.

"Blair, we were all in the room with Todd. You weren't. You have no idea how fast that happened. No one could have stopped him," Sam snapped.

"I have a right to ask questions, Sam! I want to know," Blair snapped back. Her tone was equally impatient.

"I want Blair to ask questions," Susannah encouraged. "I don't want any of you left wondering about any aspect of Todd's treatment. Blair it is true. Todd's body got hurt on our watch. I agree with you. I think Goodone will be upset over that. The thing is, he will not really interpret it as Todd being hurt. He will see it as Rocky being hurt. What will upset Goodone and Carol the most is when Todd comes back and he is in pain. Both Carol and Goodone are very protective of all the children, however Todd is their main concern. That is their job. Protecting Todd is what they were created for."

Blair seemed to accept Susannah's explanation.

"So, how do you plan on ever getting them all to work together?" Viki pressed.

"I was encouraged by the fact that Todd was willing to stay around after I brought up his having DID. He usually dissociates if it's even hinted at. He also was more aware of his condition than I thought he was. He seemed to remember what we discussed so many months ago."

"But Susannah, he sees it as being crazy and evil. He doesn't look at it like an illness," Sam pointed out.

"Right now that's true. Still, being aware of what is wrong with him is a very important step. Denial has always been a huge problem for Todd and it greatly hindered his progress. His being able to hear me while he was inside and his remembering that he heard me once he woke up is another step. Todd is getting stronger, physically and emotionally. Sam, Blair . . . you have no idea how much strength it took for Todd to come to my voice. Viki, I know you understand how terrifying it is to come through that tunnel."

"Yes, I do. It's one of the most terrifying things you can imagine," Viki agreed.

"Tunnel?" Blair didn't understand.

"Viki, I think you can explain it to Blair better than I can," Susannah suggested.

Viki turned to Blair. She hoped her experience with DID would help her to explain it in a way that would make Blair and Sam really understand what Todd is facing. "Sometimes you go away and come back spontaneously. You don't feel it happening. You just go away or you suddenly come back and find yourself there . . . without remembering how you got there. That's frightening enough. Other times you can feel it happening and that is terrifying. The more you try to fight it, the more terrifying it becomes. When you feel yourself dissociating . . . and again when you are called back . . . against your will . . . you feel as if you are being pulled or pushed through this long dark tunnel. You feel as if you have no control . . . this is happening to you and you can't stop it. You have no idea what waits at the other end. Sometimes you try to get back inside and it is as if the way back is closed off to you. I imagine that is what happened to Todd today. I am sure he tried to get back to Goodone, but he felt as if he had to come out and to follow that road to Susannah's voice. The one thing you have to understand is, as Susannah said, if Todd really couldn't face coming out today, he wouldn't have. The part of Todd that is Goodone knew Todd could handle this. As soon as he couldn't handle what was happening he spontaneously switched and Rocky came out. I am sure that Todd ran right back to Goodone's arms and that Goodone was there, waiting for him."

Blair's head was spinning. It sounded as if Doctor Hanen knew what she was doing. Nevertheless, Blair's instincts still told her she needed to get Todd out of there.

"So is that the first step . . . Todd accepting he has DID and being able to hear you?" Sam asked.

"It is the first of many. I have to get Todd to the point where there can be co-communication between him and the alters."

"Susannah, when he hears them now he is terrified. It sometimes sends him into a psychotic episode," Sam stated.

"That is not the only reason Todd goes into an episode. But yes, he is terrified of the voices he hears. That is usually because the ones he hears the loudest are trying to frighten him. Some of the voices he hears during an episode may not be alters. They may be auditory hallucinations. Todd has to learn to accept the DID for what it is and know that the alter's voices he does hear cannot hurt him. He needs to understand that they are a separate part of him, but are still he. Hopefully the neuroleptic will address some of that. It should slow the switching and give Todd a little more control over things. That is what is really most terrifying to him . . . not having control."

Blair realized there was a lot of truth in what Susannah just said. Losing control had been one of Todd's biggest fears ever since she'd known him, that and being abandoned. Blair was still very concerned. She had yet to see Todd conscious since he was given the antipsychotic medication. She had no idea if it was affecting him the way it had affected her mother. She still believed that it was irresponsible of them to allow Todd to hurt himself. Also, Blair did not like the fact that he was in restraints again. It seemed every time she came to see him he was sedated and restrained. She could see that Susannah was a good doctor and was trying her best. Nevertheless, Blair believed that being at the penthouse with her and Starr is what Todd needed. Blair went to say goodnight to Todd. There had been no change in him. He was still in a deep sleep. His fever had gone up to one hundred point nine. This concerned not only Blair, but Sam and Viki as well. Susannah assured them that they only needed to be concerned if it went over one hundred and one.

Blair kissed Todd again and stroked his hair. She whispered in his ear, "Goodnight baby. I'll be back tomorrow. Someone has to watch over you."

As usual, Viki and Sam stayed the night, and once again, so did Susannah.

Todd was kept sedated and slept through the night. Blair was back by eight the next morning. Viki and Sam were both with Todd and Terry was just finishing one of his morning feedings when Blair walked into the room. Sam and Viki were a little surprised to see her back so soon. "How is he doing?" Blair asked. She looked lovingly at Todd.

"He slept through the night. Susannah kept him sedated because she knew how much pain he would be in. He has been moaning a little for the past twenty minutes or so. He may be coming to," Viki informed her.

"Is Doctor Hanen going to remove the restraints?" Blair hoped the answer was yes. She hated seeing Todd tied down like that.

"She has to access him first. She can't take the chance that he will rip out the stitches," Sam reported.

They turned to Todd as he moaned and started to pull against the restraints. Terry stuck her head out of the door and Todd Frank to have someone alert Susannah.

Before Susannah got there, Todd opened his eyes. He tried to raise his arms. Then his eyes opened wider and his face contorted in pain. "Viki! Sam! Viki!"

"We're right here, Boomer," Sam comforted.

"Sweetheart, don't move around too much," Viki cautioned.

"Why does it hurt so much?" Todd cried out. He tried to take a deep breath. The pain in his chest stopped him.

"Todd, you have some stitches in your chest and some in your right hand. You have to lie still so you don't rip them out," Terry explained.

"Why do I have stitches?" There was fear in Todd's voice.

Susannah came in and heard his last question? "Todd, it's Doctor Hanen. I know you're in pain I will get you some medication for it."

"NO! No drugs. I don't want drugs!"

"Sweetheart, why should you be in pain? Let Doctor Hanen give you some medicine for it," Viki pleaded.

"No! Why do I have stitches?"

"You cut yourself with some glass," Susannah gently explained.

"No! You're lying. I didn't try to hurt myself. Is that why I'm tied down . . . because you think I'll hurt myself?"

"We don't want you to rip out your stitches," Susannah told him.

"I won't. Please untie me! I can't stand being tied down." Todd was getting very agitated.

Susannah was afraid he would move around too much if the restraints were released now. "Not yet, Todd. Why don't you try to go back to sleep for a while."

"UNTIE ME!" he shrieked.

"Todd, first you need to calm down and show me you can stay safe. Then I'll take the restraints off." Susannah said calmly.

Todd struggled harder as he attempted to break free of the restraints. "Ohhhh! Viki, it hurts. It hurts!" he cried out.

Susannah ordered some pain med.

"I'm here sweetheart. The pain will get better. You need to get some medication." Viki tried to console him.

"No! No! I said no drugs. I don't want drugs." Todd started to cry.

"For God's sake, Viki. He said he didn't want any drugs. I think he has the right to decide that for himself." They all turned to look at Blair.

"Blair? Is that Blair?" Todd cried in anguish.

"Yes. It's me. I'm here Todd," Blair rushed to his bed.

"Blair. Oh God. I don't want you to see me like this. What are you doing here?"

"Todd, don't be embarrassed in front of me. You've seen me when I was sick and hurt. I wanted to be with you. I wanted to watch out for you."

"Where's Starr? Oh God! You didn't bring Starr here?" Todd breathing was becoming erratic.

"No. Of course Starr's not here. I know you don't want her to see you here. Starr is in school. She's safe."

Todd tried to take another deep breath and grimaced in pain.

"Sweetie, why don't you want to take the medicine for pain?" Blair asked.

"I don't want to be drugged. I hate that. I have no control as it is. Ohhh!"

Blair hated to see him hurt so much. Still, she did not want him drugged against his will.

"Blair," Todd whispered. She put her ear to his lips so she could hear him. "They said I hurt myself. Did I? Did I hurt myself?"

"Yes, baby. You did, but it wasn't really you."

Todd started to tremble. "It was them? They let them hurt me?"

"Who did we let hurt you Todd?" Susannah pressed.

"The voices. They said they were going to hurt me and they did!" Todd started to panic. "Blair! Where is Starr? They said they would hurt her too. You've got to go to her and keep her safe. They do what they say, Blair. They'll hurt her. Go to Starr! Go to Starr!" Todd's struggling increased. Every time he moved, he would shriek in pain. Susannah told Terry to administer the pain med. She hoped it would calm him as well. Blair wanted to stop them, however she was afraid they would force her to leave if she tried to keep them from medicating him. "Viki! Viki! Tell Blair to help Starr. Tell her to keep Starr safe."

Susannah feared he was going into a psychotic episode. "Todd, you need to stop this. You're going to hurt yourself. You need to calm down. Shhhh, no one is going to hurt Starr." Susannah turned to Blair. "You need to leave now. Todd is getting too agitated." Susannah's suggestion sounded more like and order.

"Todd wants me to stay. I'm not leaving him like this," Blair declared adamantly.

"NO! NO!" Todd screamed. "I WANT BLAIR! I WANT BLAIR TO STAY WITH ME! I NEED BLAIR! I HAVE TO TELL HER! BLAIR DON'T GO! I WANT BLAIR WITH ME! BLAAAAAAIR!" No one noticed Tea, standing in the doorway.

TO BE CONTINUED