Andy seemed to be calming down. Sam loosened his hold. Andy turned around so he was facing Sam as they both still sat on the floor. Andy sat on his knees and cuddled closer to Sam. He put his arms around Sam's neck and rested his head on Sam's shoulder. Sam rubbed his back. Susannah handed Viki the ice pack and Viki, who was kneeling behind Sam, placed it on the exposed wounded side of Andy's face, while the other side rested on Sam's shoulder. Susannah hoped that she would finally get Andy to talk about why he thinks his mother hates him and why he stayed away for so many years. She realized that Thomas, and perhaps some of the others knew Andy's secret. She needed Andy, himself, to tell what had happened. Susannah waited patiently while Sam and Viki comforted their child.

*****

Andy seemed to be calming down. His tears had stopped. He still held onto Sam. He rested his uninjured cheek against Sam's shoulder. Susannah reached into her pocket and turned on her tape recorder. She placed it on the floor. She then relieved Viki of ice pack duty. She could see Viki's knees were giving out.

"Andy, can you tell us why you think mommy hates you?" Andy turned his head downward, still resting it against Sam's shoulder. He avoided Susannah's eyes.

"Sweetheart, it's all right. No matter what you tell us we will still love you," Viki assured him.

"You won't want me to live with you anymore," Andy whimpered quietly.

Ignoring her pain, Viki knelt down next to him again. She lifted his head slightly off of Sam's shoulder. Looking him directly in the eyes Viki swore to him. "Andy, if I had one wish in the whole world it would be that you were well enough to come home and live with me. Sweetheart, we love you. There is absolutely nothing you could ever say or do that would change the way we feel. You are our little boy and we will always be there for you no matter what."

"Mommy got real mad at me," Andy pointed out sadly.

"Andy, I am not mommy. I am Viki and I will never get so mad at you that I would send you away. I will always want you with me."

"We will never leave you or send you away, pal. I promise. There is nothing you could ever, ever do or tell us that would make us send you away or leave you," Sam added. Viki stood up and sat down on one of the chairs that were near Sam and Andy. Andy quietly held on to Sam for a few minutes. Susannah felt his head. He seemed a lot cooler. She noticed that he was not restless and did not seem as anxious and jittery, as Thomas did. As with most medications, each alter was reacting differently to the Zyprexa. The only thing Susannah notice with each of them, was that they all seemed a little slower in movement and speech.

Susannah asked everyone, except Sam and Viki, to leave the playroom. She asked Terry, Frank, Marcia and Carl to wait right outside. She sat down on the floor, next to Andy and Sam. She stroked Andy's head. "Andy, it's all right to tell us what happened. Why did mommy want to send you away?" Susannah saw Andy's body tense up. Susannah whispered in his ear, "Andy, would you feel more comfortable if we were alone in my office?" Andy clung to Sam. "It's okay. We can stay here with Sam and Viki," Susannah promised.

"Are you still gonna be my daddy too?" Andy asked Sam.

"Sure I am, Andy," Sam answered reassuringly.

"Andy, why do you think mommy hates you?" Susannah persisted. She noticed his breathing was becoming erratic as he became more anxious. "Andy, will you do something for me?" Susannah posed. Andy nodded. "I want you to let go of Sam and lie down. You can rest your head on Sam's lap or on mine. Can you do that sweetheart?"

Andy did as he was asked. He chose Sam's lap.

"Okay, Andy. I'm going to help you relax all your muscles so you don't feel so afraid. Susannah slowly relaxed him until he was in a trance-like state. "Andy, tell me why you think mommy hates you," Susannah began again.

"She said I'm a nasty boy. She said I'm like daddy. She got real mad. They called her down to school."

"Mommy told you were nasty and like your daddy?" Susannah wanted to make sure.

"No, I heard her tell daddy. Everybody heard her tell daddy. They all know!"

"Andy, it's all right. It's not happening now." Susannah's voice was calming.

"Mommy and daddy had a real big fight and it was my fault. Daddy likes me best."

Susannah was confused. "They fought because daddy likes you best?"

"No, because mommy got called to school," Andy stated.

"Why did mommy get called to school?" Susannah pressed.

"Daddy wants me to be a good boy. Daddy likes me best," Andy repeated.

Susannah tried again. She knew Andy had to tell this in his own way. "Why did mommy get called to school?"

"Daddy takes my hand. He said it's okay. He said I'm just like a grown up boy . . . like him. Daddy likes me best."

"What did daddy do when he took your hand?" Susannah asked cautiously.

"It's bad. If it's bad it's not supposed to feel good. It's bad to feel good. Daddy says it's not. He says I'm his grown up boy. Daddy likes me best. Mommy says to do whatever daddy wants. She says if I'm a good boy I won't get hurt so bad. So why does mommy get mad? She lies to me! She lies to me!" Andy cried out angrily.

"It makes you angry to be lied to." Susannah restated.

"It makes me real mad. It makes me mad at mommy. I don't know why she says do what daddy says and then she hates me when I do."

"It makes you confused," Susannah helped him out.

"Uh huh. I don't know what I'm supposed to do to make mommy like me. Nobody likes me. They all get mad at me. They hate me. I'm gonna get sent away! I'm gonna get sent away!" Andy cried out.

"Shhhhh. Andy, it's all right. No one is going to send you away. Mommy's not here now. Neither is daddy. You're safe. We all love you," Sam said softly. He stroked Andy's head.

Andy relaxed again. Susannah continued. "What does daddy do when he takes your hand?"

"Sometimes he puts it on his boy part. It makes it grow. I don't want daddy to put it in my mouth. It makes me throw up and daddy gets mad. Daddy don't put it in my mouth if I'm a good grown up boy and I'm just like daddy. He takes my hand again and . . ." Andy's voice trailed off. He rolled over on his side and brought his knees to his chest. They realized he was having an erection he didn't want them to see.

"Andy, what else does daddy do when he takes your hand?" Susannah pushed.

Andy was quiet for a moment. "He puts my hand on my boy part. What I do with daddy is bad. It's not supposed to feel good. Mommy hates me." Andy repeated.

"Andy, you are not bad. When that part of a little boy gets touched it's normal for it to feel good," Susannah explained. She knew how confusing feeling any pleasurable sensations during molestation could be.

"It feels funny and then good and then bad. Daddy makes it hurt. He says I'm a good boy because it got all hard like his, but then he hurts me when he touches it. Then he kisses it to make it better, but then that hurts too. Daddy likes me best because I'm a grown up boy. Why does mommy say to be good and then get mad?"

Susannah could see Sam and Viki were shocked by what Andy was saying. She understood that children who are being sexually abused very often become confused by feeling good because of something they realize is very wrong. She knew it was not uncommon for children to have orgasms during abuse and to become addicted to masturbating. They then feel very guilty. They feel as if they are the ones causing the abuse. Not only because, as in Todd's case, the abusing parent tells them it's their fault . . . that they want it and are asking for it . . . but also because they become sexually excited. They feel as if they are enjoying the abuse. They sometimes feel as if they are the ones who initiate it. Also, as in this case, the child begins to equate sexual abuse with love, affection, attention and caring. Timmy, who handled abuse that consisted primarily of brutal sodomy, felt nothing but terror. His terror made Peter hate him even more. Andy was the one who handled the fondling and oral sex. He learned to go along with it. He knew how badly he would be punished if he didn't and in the end he would be abused anyway. He learned to make it easier on himself. When his body's natural instincts took over he was left feeling dirty, bad and confused. Susannah understood even more now why Andy was, at times, so terrified of being abused and yet at other times he would offer himself to Sam in exchange for love. In Andy's case it was made even worse by his mother's mixed messages.

"Andy, why did they call mommy to your school?" Susannah asked.

"Mrs. Simmons saw me and sent me to the principal. I don't wanna get thrown out of first grade. I like being in school. I didn't mean to be bad. I just wanted it to feel good like when daddy makes me touch it," Andy whispered.

"Did you touch your boy parts while you were in class?" Susannah guessed.

Andy nodded. He pulled his knees to his chest even more tightly. Susannah looked at Sam and Viki. Her expression told them not to react to what was happening. She knew that Andy's body was doing things he had no control over. Susannah waited a few minutes. When she saw she could, she continued. "Did the principal call mommy down to the school?"

"Mommy hates to have to go there. Daddy don't like her to leave the house. I got mommy in trouble."

"No, you didn't, Andy. You didn't do anything wrong. Daddy taught you that if you touch your boy part it feels good. There was nothing wrong with you wanting it to feel good again." Susannah realized this was not the time to explain that masturbating in the middle of a class was not appropriate behavior. That could be explained at another time. Instead she asked, "what happened when mommy came to the principal's office."

Andy shrugged. "They made me wait outside. Then mommy came out and made me apologize to Mr. Walker. He told mommy to wait outside and he made me come into his office all by myself. Mommy said she wanted to come into the office with me, but he said no. He picked me up and sat me on his desk. He asked me if everything was all right at home. I didn't tell! I didn't tell! I'm a good boy. I didn't tell!" Andy's anxiety was increasing.

"It's all right, Andy. Calm down. You're safe here. We know you're a good boy. Just relax. It's safe to tell what happened here. No one will ever hurt you or send you away," Susannah promised. Sam stroked Andy's head. "Can you tell us what you said to Mr. Walker?" Susannah coaxed.

"I told him that I have the best mommy and daddy in the whole world. He asked me if anyone ever hits me. He said that some of my teachers noticed I had a lot of boo boos. I remembered to say what mommy taught me to say. I said, no. I'm real clumsy and I fall down a lot and bump into things a lot. I don't want him to know mommy lies."

They were all moved by the knowledge that Andy was protecting his mother, even though he was so angry with her.

Andy continued. "Mr. Walker asked me if anyone touches me 'there.' He pointed to my boy parts. I said 'no.' He thinks I'm bad cause it's bad to be touched there. He thinks I'm nasty."

'Poor Andy,' Susannah thought. "He is so completely confused and guilt ridden.' "Did Mr. Walker believe you?" Susannah asked.

"I guess. He let mommy take me home."

"What happened when you both got home?" Susannah pushed.

"Mommy looked at me funny . . . like I was a strange little boy. She didn't hug me or kiss me. She didn't call me sweetheart or darling. I like it when she calls me sweetheart or darling. She sent me to my room. Mommy hates me!" Tears started to glisten in Andy's long eyelashes.

"Did mommy ever come and talk to you about what happened?" Susannah questioned.

"No, but when daddy came home she started to yell at him. She said 'do you see what you've turned him into? Do you know what it's like to be called down to the school and be told that your child did such a disgusting thing.' Mommy thinks I'm disgusting!" His erection having since gone down, Andy turned on his back, and was starting to cry harder.

Sam, who had tears in his own eyes, patted Andy's chest and stroked his head. Susannah was relieved to see that Sam had no qualms about touching him. Andy calmed again.

Susannah continued. "What did daddy say when mommy told him that?"

"He said, 'the one time the kid acts like a man and you get all crazy over it. Don't worry, I'll make sure he never does that in school again.' Daddy's gonna hurt me! Daddy's gonna hurt me!" Andy cried out frantically.

Sam reached across Andy's chest and held on to his arms. He hugged Andy as he lay in his lap. Sam bent down and kissed Andy's forehead. Susannah was also relieved to see that physical affection by Sam did not trigger traumas or even any bad feelings in Andy. It had a soothing effect on him.

Viki was feeling a little overwhelmed by the details of Andy's sexual abuse. She wanted to wait outside, however she knew she had to hear what happened to this child. Viki was starting to perspire and her heart was racing. She had a dull pain in her chest and felt short of breath. It was something she hadn't felt for a long time. Not since her own therapy. She knew if she left now Andy would interpret it as rejection, so she tried to breathe deeply and slowly and she forced herself to sit there.

Once Andy had calmed down again, Susannah continued. "Andy, did daddy come to your room then?"

"No, he and mommy kept fighting. Mommy said, 'I hate myself for not stopping you. That child would be better off dead than living with what you are doing to him. We would both be better off dead than to live here with you.' Daddy said, 'that's the only way you'll ever get away from me, bitch, feet first.' I don't like it when daddy calls mommy names. I don't wanna be dead. Why does mommy tell me to be a good boy if she gets mad at what daddy does?"

Without waiting for Susannah to answer, Andy continued. "Mommy said, 'I don't want you to touch him like that anymore. You are turning him into a prewurt like you.' I didn't know what that meant, but I think it's real bad. Mommy thinks I'm real bad. Then I heard daddy hit her. Mommy didn't start crying this time. She yelled at daddy and said, 'maybe I should call him and tell him what you are doing to that boy! Maybe he would be better off if we gave him away!' No! I don't want mommy to give me away. No! I'll be good. I won't do it anymore. Not even when I'm in my room alone. I won't be disgusting and a prewurt no more. I'll be good. I don't want to get sent away!"

Viki wanted to go to Andy and soothe him along with Susannah and Sam. She started to get up. She felt as if she were about to pass out. Viki sat back down as thoughts about what Andy said assaulted her brain. 'Was Barbara talking about calling Father? Was she threatening to send him back to Father?' Viki wondered if this happened when Todd was six. Her father had just married Dorian at that time. He was also starting to get sick. 'Did Barbara had call him? Did she really try to get him to take Todd out of the house? Did she tell Father how badly Todd was being abused and he still left him to be tortured by Peter?' Viki felt like she was suffocating. Still, she sat there quietly and waited for Andy to continue.

"Did mommy and daddy keep fighting?" Susannah asked, after Andy had calmed down again.

"I heard a noise, like when daddy pushes mommy against the wall. Daddy said, 'you will never take him out of this house. Do you understand me? You and that little bastard are mine. You belong to me. If I ever find you even try to call him I will kill both of you.' Mommy said, 'maybe we'd be better off?' Daddy said, "maybe you would. Don't force my hand Barbara. I can make you sorry in ways you've never dreamed of.'"

Susannah noticed that Andy, like most of the alters, had an almost perfect recall of conversations they heard. Unlike Tom, who would sometimes try to imitate Peter's adult voice, Andy spoke in a flat, disconnected monotone. The only emotions he showed were his own comments about what had been said.

"I don't want daddy to hurt mommy and me. I was bad and now daddy's gonna hurt us," Andy cried out.

"No, Andy. That was a long time ago. You're safe here. No one is going to hurt you. Do you feel Sam holding you?" Susannah asked as she rubbed his ankle. He nodded. "See, you're safe. What happened then? Did Daddy come to your room then?"

Andy turned on his side and started to cry again. Susannah knew going in this was going to be difficult. Seeing all the torment her questions were causing him was ripping her heart out. She rubbed his ankle again. "Andy, shhhh. It's all right. We won't let anything hurt you. It's safe to tell us what is making you so unhappy. It's okay to tell me what happened when daddy came to your room?"

"I hided under the bed. Daddy got real mad and took my baseball bat and started poking me with it. I comed out from under the bed and tried to run downstairs. I can run real fast. Sometimes daddy likes it cause I run so good. This time he got real mad and grabbed me by my arm and it hurt a lot."

Susannah was glad that Andy wasn't prone to flashbacks and wasn't feeling Peter hurting his arm now.

"Daddy grabbed me by both arms and picked me up and shooked me hard. It made my head hurt. He said, 'what did you tell them? What did you tell your teacher and the principal?' Daddy's mouth smelled funny like mommy's does a lot. I hate that smell. It makes me feel sick. I don't want daddy to put his tongue in my mouth again. I told him I said that you and mommy were the best mommy and daddy and that I fall down a lot cause I'm clumsy and I told them no one ever touched me there. Daddy said, 'you'd better be telling me the truth.' I said I was. Daddy said, 'don't you ever do that in school again. Don't you ever do that unless I say so. I will tell you when it's all right to do that. I will tell you when you can feel good and when you can't. If you do that without my permission, I will cut it off.' I don't want daddy to hurt me. I'm scared!"

Once again, Susannah stopped. They comforted Andy until he calmed down.

"Did daddy leave your room then?" Susannah was hoping the answer was yes.

Andy shook his head. "Daddy put me on the bed and tooked my clothes off. He said, 'your mother doesn't want you to become a man. She wants you to stay a baby forever. She wants to turn you into a little girl. Daddy took out the little knife he kept in his pocket and he held my boy part and said, 'do you want me to turn you into a little girl?' I said, 'no daddy, please don't.' He said, 'then you'd better not tell anyone about our game. Do you understand me, Todd? No one!' I said, I understand. Daddy said, 'sometimes you can act like a man, hmm Todd? Sometimes daddy can fix what mommy does to you.' Daddy started to kiss my boy parts. It hurt this time and I wanted him to stop. I was afraid to move cause he would get mad again. He held my boy parts and squeezed them. It hurt so much."

Andy doubled over in pain, at the memory, not because he was re-experiencing it. "Daddy got mad because my boy part didn't get hard like his was getting. He unzipped his pants and pulled me down to him. It's so big. I'm scared! I don't want to! I don't want too! I want mommy. She's gonna say I have to do what daddy wants. I don't want too. Mommy! Ohhhh! Daddy's putting it in my mouth. I can't breathe. It's wiggling around in my mouth. I can't breathe. Daddy peed that white stuff in my mouth. I feel sick. Ohhhh!"

Susannah reached for a small plastic bin that was holding some small toy figures and quickly dumped them out and put it under Andy's chin just in time. Sam held his head as he vomited into the bin. Andy laid his head back down in Sam's lap and moaned softly. Susannah got a cold cloth and wiped his face and mouth off. She called Terry in to take his blood pressure and pulse. He was weak, but he was all right.

While giving Andy a chance to rest, Susannah looked up at Viki. She immediately went to her. "Viki are you all right?" Susannah felt Viki's forehead and cheeks. Viki's skin was cold and clammy.

"I think I need some air. I don't want Andy to think I'm leaving because of what he is saying," Viki stated weakly.

Susannah called Terry over. "I want you to take Viki outside and have someone take her blood pressure and her pulse and if there are any problems, I want them to come right back and let me know. Then I want you to have someone escort her to the cafeteria and make sure she eats and has some juice. Then I want them to make sure she gets to the lounge. Then, please come back here."

Susannah turned back to Viki. "Viki, after you've eaten I want you to go to the lounge and rest. I'll be in to see you when we are finished here."

"Susannah, please. None of that is necessary. I'm fine. I don't want to leave now," Viki protested.

"Viki, if Andy sees you pass out, it will traumatize him far more than seeing you to leave for a while. Please, do as I ask. I don't want to have to be worried about you too right now. You will be doing both Andy and me a favor if you take care of yourself."

Viki realized Susannah was right. She allowed Terry to help her up. Sam looked up from Andy. He saw something was wrong. He wanted to go to Viki. However he didn't want to upset Andy, who was still lying on his lap. Andy's eyes were closed and he was moaning softly.

Seeing Sam's dilemma, Susannah walked over to him and whispered. "Viki needs to have something to eat and then rest for a while. She's all right. Terry will have another nurse check her out. If there is a problem she will let me know. I think she is overwhelmed by all this." Susannah went back to Viki. "Everything is all right. Andy will probably not even notice that you have gone."

"Susannah, please don't push him to say more than he can handle." Viki knew that Susannah would never do that, but she had to say it anyway.

"He'll be fine. He will probably be back in his room soon. Now you go take care of yourself and I will see you later. We'll talk. Okay?" Susannah asked. She took Viki's hand and looked into her troubled blue eyes. Viki nodded yes and left with Terry holding her arm, at the elbow.

Susannah knelt down and brushed Andy's hair off his face. "Andy," she called softly, in case he was asleep.

Andy opened his eyes. "I don't want my face to get pushed in the throw up. I don't want to have to lick it up. Please!"

"Nooo, shhhh. It's all been cleaned up. No one will make you do that," Susannah assured him

"Daddy does. He gets mad when I get sick. He says be a man."

Susannah thought of Peter telling his six-year-old son to be a man, while forcing oral sex on him. Like Sam, she wished she could have killed him. She knew Peter was severely disturbed and her attitude was not professional. Right now she didn't care. "Andy, did daddy punish you by pushing your face in it and making you lick it up?" Susannah asked.

Andy nodded. Susannah took a deep breath. "Then what did daddy do?"

"He tied me up. I'm good. Daddy don't have to tie me up like he does Timmy. I'm a good boy. Daddy likes me best. I do what daddy wants. Why is he tying me up?" Andy wailed. He quieted on his own and continued without being prompted to. "Daddy petted my boy parts and yelled, 'come on be a man. You did it in school. You can do it here.' I tried. I didn't want to make him hurt me. Mommy says if I'm a good boy it won't hurt. Why does mommy lie to me? Why does mommy hate me? I don't know how to make it hard like daddy's. It just happens. Daddy is getting mad. My hands hurt. I can't feel my fingers good. Daddy is sitting on my legs. It hurts. Daddy is petting too hard. It hurts. Everything hurts. I wanna go to my tree. I wanna run to my tree. I pretend I'm in my tree. I can feel the leaves and branches. I can feel the sun. I hear the birds. I love the birds. It don't hurt so much anymore. I hear daddy say, 'that's right Todd. That's my man. I don't know why daddy is saying that. He sounds far away. I looked down and saw my boy part was standing up like daddy's. It didn't feel good this time. Then I hear mommy. She came into my room. She never comes in during the game. Her voice is funny again. I don't like when her voice gets funny. She says, 'you're making him just like you. I won't let you get away with it Peter. I will send him away.'

Andy's voice was very flat. He sounded as if he were talking about another child. Susannah realized he was experiencing depersonalization. He had most likely experienced it at the time of the abuse as well. Andy continued in his calm, flat monotone. "Daddy said, 'get out of here. You're drunk. You disgust me.' Mommy yelled, 'I disgust you! I disgust you! Look at you! You should be in jail for what you're doing to him. I wish we had never brought that child into this house. Look at the life we're giving him.'

Andy started crying again. "Mommy wishes I was never born. She's sorry they brought me home."

"No, Andy. That's not what mommy meant. Mommy felt sorry that you were getting hurt. She was sorry that you were being hurt in that house," Sam quickly reassured him. Susannah and Sam exchanged looks. They saw the sadness in each other's eyes at the realization that Barbara's words had preyed on Andy's mind all these years.

"Mommy was sorry I got hurt?" Andy asked pitifully.

"Yes. She was very sorry," Susannah answered.

"Then how come she told me to let daddy hurt me? How come she let him hurt me and Timmy and everyone?" Large tears slowly made their way down Andy's cheeks.

"Andy," Susannah began trying to explain to this wounded six year old. "Mommy was very scared and very weak. She wanted to stop daddy from hurting you, but she just couldn't. She told you to do whatever daddy wanted you to do because she thought it would keep him from hurting you worse than he did."

"But sometimes daddy hurt me anyway."

"I know he did." Susannah tenderly acknowledged as she gently rubbed Andy's arm.

"Daddy likes me best. He likes it when I'm a good boy and act like a grown man," Andy repeated.

"Did mommy say any thing else?" Susannah pressed.

"No, she walked out. Mommy hates me cause daddy made my boy part stand up like his and daddy likes me cause of it."

They could see the confusion in Andy's eyes and hear it in his voice. At the same time that he was told what was happening to his body was good and would keep him from being punished and being subjected to further abuse he was getting the message that he was bad, hated and disgusting. What really killed Susannah was that Barbara seemed to have more of a problem with her son becoming aroused during the abuse than being subjected to the abuse itself.

Suddenly, Andy sat straight up, startling Sam and Susannah. Sam put his arms around him and pulled him to his chest. "Okay Andy. It's all right. You're safe," Sam spoke soothingly.

"Daddy heard mommy on the phone. He ran in to their bedroom. Noooo! He's hitting mommy again. He's yelling at her. He's yelling 'you stupid, drunken bitch.' I heard daddy throw the phone against the wall. Mommy was yelling for daddy to stop hitting her. Then she yelled he should just kill us now and get it over with. I don't want to be killed. I'm scared." Sam felt Andy begin to tremble.

It was apparent Andy had held this in for many years. He wanted them to know. Andy continued on his own again. "Mommy yelled real loud, 'do it Peter! Do it! I swear I will call him. You can't watch me forever. As soon as I get the chance I am taking him out of here and sending him back where he belongs.' Then daddy said, "Oh, I'm sure the old man's new wife will welcome him with open arms. All that booze has pickled your brain. He didn't want him in the first place or he would have kept him.' Mommy said, 'He won't stand by if he knows what you do. If I can't get to him, I'll tell James Porter. See how far your money goes if Mr. Porter really knew the truth.'"

Susannah and Sam were both shocked to hear that name. They realized it was the same as the name on the canceled checks that were among the things Victor had hidden away. They knew Victor was paying him, but now it sounded like Peter was paying him for something too. They wondered, who the hell was James Porter?

Andy's memories were coming fast. He couldn't stop now. "Mommy's gonna send me away! She wants me to live with an old man. I don't want to. I'm scared. The old man didn't want me. I'm scared. Mommy hates me she wants to send me away."

Andy was getting very agitated. "Andy, Andy. Shhhh. Mommy never gave you away. She never did it," Sam comforted, holding Andy tightly.

"Daddy got real mad and started calling mommy all kinds of names and hitting her some more. It's my fault. I get mad at mommy and hate her and now she is being punished because I hate her."

"No, Andy. We can't get people punished just because we hate them. Your daddy hurt mommy because he wanted to, not because of how you felt. You didn't get mommy hurt." Susannah wasn't sure if Andy understood what she just said.

The memory started to become more real for Andy. He wasn't in a full-fledged flashback. He was starting to see the memories as opposed to just talking about them. They could tell he was becoming enveloped in it. Sam looked to see if Susannah would try to stop for now. She didn't. She knew how important it was for Andy to get to these memories and make these disclosures.

"He's got mommy by the hair. I see them when he drags her past my room. Daddy didn't untie me. I can't move my hands. He didn't tie up my legs. I can get up."

Sam felt Andy squirm in his arms, as if he were trying to get up. He hugged Andy to his chest tightly. Sam rested his chin against Andy's forehead, making it harder for Andy to move away from him, while making him feel safer at the same time.

"Daddy is yelling at mommy. He says, 'you wanna die? You wanna die tonight, bitch?' I got down the stairs. I can't feel my fingers," Andy cried and continued. "Daddy is in the kitchen with mommy. I hear him. MOMMY'S SCREAMING! She ran out of the kitchen and daddy ran out too. Oh!" Andy gasped and started to scream, "DADDY'S GOT A KNIFE. DADDY'S GOT A BIG KNIFE!" Then his voice became an emotionless monotone again. "Daddy caught mommy in the dining room and grabbed mommy around the throat and yelled 'you will never walk out on me! You will never take him out of this house! There is only one way either of you are ever leaving this house.' Daddy held the knife at mommy's throat. DADDY DON'T HURT HER. I DIDN'T MEAN TO BE BAD! MOMMY!" Andy shrieked.

Andy was half in and half out of reality. A part of him was telling what happened and a part was reliving it. "Daddy turned around to me and he looked at me funny. He let mommy go and walked to me. Mommy grabbed his arm and he pushed her, hard, and she got pushed into the wall and she fell on the floor and was real quiet. Daddy said, 'you said he'd be better off dead then here. Maybe you're right? Look at all the trouble he caused. Mommy didn't answer. She was sleeping. Daddy held me up right in front of his face. He still smelled like mommy does sometimes. He still had the big knife in his hand. Daddy said,' is that why you played with yourself in school today? Maybe you wanted them to ask you questions? Is that what you wanted, Todd? Did you want them to come here and take you out of this house? Is that what you want, you ungrateful little bastard? You wanted to cause trouble for us? You always were a troublemaker. From the day I laid eyes on you, you have messed things up for me. Maybe mommy is right? Maybe you should be dead before you ruin my life completely? Who knows what you'll do next? Do you think I would ever let your mommy walk out of this house with you? DO YOU!'

Andy began to cry out, "I'm scared. I'm scared if I say the wrong thing daddy'll hurt me. I want daddy to like me best. Now daddy hates me. I want to make him like me again. Daddy was holding me real close to his face. I wanted daddy to like me again. I kissed daddy in the mouth the way he kisses me. I don't like the way daddy's mouth tastes. I just wanted him to like me."

Andy began to sob. "Daddy pulled me away from him and shook me real hard. He looked at me real funny. He threw me down on the table and started to yell at me. He said, 'you don't decide when to touch me . . . you filthy little bastard. I decide!' He said, 'I'm in control and don't you ever forget it. You always spoil everything. You make me sick. How dare you do that to me!' I didn't mean to make daddy mad. I thought he'd like me best if I kissed him like that. I didn't mean to make daddy mad. I wanted him to like me best! I wanted him to like me best!" Andy's breathing was becoming erratic.

"Susannah, maybe we should stop?" Sam could feel Andy's body trembling out of control. He could feel Andy's heart pounding even though Andy's back was against Sam's chest.

Susannah was about to end the session and try to get Andy into a relaxed state again when Andy continued to talk. "Daddy's pointing the knife at me. Mommy says don't play with knives! MOMMY SAYS DON'T PLAY WITH KNIVES! Daddy is laughing at me. He is pointing the knife near my throat. Mommy must of woked up. All of a sudden she was there and she was grabbing daddy's arm. Daddy tried to pull away from her but she grabbed his arm real hard and . . ."

Suddenly, Andy gasped and lurched forward. He got a shocked look on his face. "I can't breathe. I can't breathe. It hurts." He was barely able to get the words out. "Daddy tried to kill me. The knife is stuck in me. Mommy!"

Susannah ran to the door and told Terry she needed vitals done on Andy, stat. She told her to have someone bring some blankets into the playroom. She then hurried back to Andy. Sam was holding him tightly. Both Sam and Andy were trembling. Andy's skin was clammy and he was having trouble breathing as he felt the knife in his chest. Susannah and Sam remembered reading that Doctor Evans had treated Todd for a puncture wound to the chest and the ensuing infection, when he was six years old.

Terry and Frank came rushing in. They covered Andy with two blankets. His blood pressure had dropped to eighty over fifty. His pulse was one hundred and thirty. Susannah was afraid that he was going into shock. "Andy, look at me. There is no knife in your chest. That was a long time ago." Andy was still struggling to breathe.

Susannah knew he usually had a good grip on reality, however this memory may have been too much for him and it pushed him into a flashback. "Andy, it's not happening now. You are safe now. You are here with Sam and Terry and Frank and I. We will keep you safe. You are in Sam's arms. Sam loves you very much. Feel Sam's arms, Andy. Viki is waiting for you to come back to your room. Andy, there is no knife now. That was a long time ago."

Andy's breath started to come a little easier. "Is Viki still my sister?" he whispered weakly.

Susannah reached for him and pulled him to her. "Yes, Andy. Viki will always be your sister. She loves you more than anything."

"Does Viki still want me to live with her?"

Susannah was relieved that Andy was back to asking his usual questions. Susannah held him close. "Viki wants you to live with her more than anything. Terry, please get Andy some orange juice," Susannah requested.

"I like apple."

"What sweetheart?"

"I like apple juice." Andy repeated.

Susannah and Sam both laughed. "Terry, make that apple juice. Bring back lots of apple juice," Susannah called out. Susannah hugged Andy to her and rocked him for a few minutes. Terry came back with the juice. Andy was thirsty and drank two cups. Terry took his vitals again. His pressure was back to his usual one hundred and ten over seventy. His heart rate was eighty beats per minute and regular.

"I have to go away. Mike says I have to go away forever." Sam and Susannah looked at each other and then at Andy. "Who's Mike?" Susannah asked calmly.

"He runs everything. He says I have to go away and hide because I make daddy want to kill everyone. I don't want to go away forever." Andy started to cry softly.

'My God! The true gatekeeper,' Susannah thought, to herself. 'He's the reason Andy was dormant all those years. He made him go into hiding . . . or possibly put him to sleep . . . because Andy caused someone to become suspicious and caused the mother to want to take off with him or give him back to Victor. Mike thought Andy made Peter want to kill him because of that and because Andy kissed Peter. He made Peter feel like it was Andy and not he who was controlling the abuse.'

Susannah could imagine how angry that must have made Peter. To Peter, control and force were everything. That was what he wanted. Somehow, this tiny child made Peter feel like he was being forced. Perhaps, as a child, Peter was. Mike forced Andy into hiding to protect Todd. She knew that even more than any of the others, Mike's sole purpose was to protect Todd and to keep order. Andy had become a liability.

"Andy, that was a long time ago. You don't have to go away now. I think Mike knows that Todd and everyone else are not in any danger now. Your daddy can't hurt you anymore," Susannah assured him.

"Cause of the magic walls?" Andy asked.

Susannah was amazed at Andy's ability to remember things. It seemed like a lifetime ago when she told him that, the first time they met in the playroom. Knowing that was something Andy could understand, Susannah said, "Yes, your daddy can't hear or see anything that goes on here and he cannot come anywhere near you. That's a promise."

"Do you think Mike knows that?" Andy inquired.

"Can Mike come out and talk to us?" Susannah pressed.

"Mike never comes out. I haven't seen him in a real long time. I'm afraid of him."

"Is he mean to you or to anyone else?" Susannah asked. "No, I'm just afraid of him. He made me go away. I don't wanna to go away forever again. I wanna stay here with you and Sam and Viki and Timmy. Sam's gonna play baseball with me. I wanna go live with Viki cause she's still my sister. Please don't let him send me away," Andy begged. Tears spilled down his cheeks.

"No, Andy. Shhhh. We won't let anyone take you away from us, ever. Mike, if you're listening, you know that Andy was just telling about a memory. He is safe and so it everyone else. No one is in any danger because of Andy. You have my word on that. Carol, Miss Perkins, it is all right to let Andy play with the other children. It's safe. I promise. No one will ever be hurt because of Andy. He was very brave and told us what happened. That was a very good thing. I think all of you should be very proud of Andy. Everyone is safe." Susannah hoped with all her heart that the adult caretakers and Mike heard her.

Susannah had no idea of the chaos that had been going on inside Todd's mind as Andy told his secret. Miss Perkins had gathered her children and held them close. She was terrified that they would all be punished for what Andy was telling. She never wanted her children near him because she was afraid they would copy what Andy had done and cause trouble for all of them. She also felt that what Andy did was "dirty."

Carol, alone with her children while Goodone took care of Todd, hid them. Unlike Miss Perkins, Carol loved Andy and didn't feel repulsed by the things Andy did, but like Miss Perkins, she was afraid for the other children. Even though neither Carol nor Miss Perkins had been around at the time, Mike told them what had happened.

There were parts even Mike didn't remember. He remembered both Todd's parents standing perfectly still for a minute when they realized that Todd had been stabbed. Peter did not mean to stab Todd at that moment. Barbara had pulled his arm back and as he tugged it away from her, he accidentally plunged the knife into Todd's chest. Things started get far away for Mike as Todd was losing consciousness. Mike remembered hearing Barbara's frantic phone call to Doctor Evans and that was all until a couple of days later. He remembered it was Andy who woke up to a searing pain in his chest. Sometimes Timmy would come out. Todd came out a few times, but was quickly pulled back in by Mike, much like he would do years later when Todd was first injured in Ireland.

Mike had not pulled Andy in immediately. He knew no one of them could withstand the pain they were feeling for too long. He needed Andy to be there some of the time so the other children around at that time wouldn't have to endure the pain by themselves. Todd was always pulled in as soon as he felt the pain. Above all, Mike had to protect him.

Mike remembered how hot they all felt. He remembered the way they would later shiver so hard their teeth would chatter. He remembered the smell of the alcohol Barbara sponged them down with. He remembered seeing Doctor Evans and his nurse come and go several times. He remembered seeing the children being held down, as Doctor did things to the wound in their chest. He remembered lots of shots and that at one point Doctor Evans told them they were going to go to sleep now. He held this thing near their face that smelled horrible and made them feel like they couldn't breathe. He remembered them not being able to move their head or hands as they were held down. Then everything felt weird and then nothing. He didn't remember seeing Peter at all during this time.

Mike also remembered their mother holding them in her lap and crying, as she rocked them. He remembered how, slowly, they started to feel better. It was no longer hot and then suddenly cold. The pain started to go away. It was at that point he sent Andy into hiding and Ritchie came out to take his place. Ritchie had a very specific job. He was to handle all the abuse Andy went through and that was it. Once that was over he handed the body back to Todd or one of the others. Ritchie had no feelings. He could not feel pain, pleasure, anger, fear, happiness, sadness or joy. He was more robot than child. He sounded like Andy and answered to Todd. He did not react to being molested, burned, beaten or tortured . . . physically or mentally.

After the stabbing Peter stayed away from Todd for several weeks. He ignored Todd completely. Peter, unable to control his rage and urges, eventually picked up where he left off. Peter noticed the difference the first time. He was not getting the satisfaction out of it that he previously had. He did not realize it was because he was now dealing with a child who felt absolutely nothing. He reacted in no way to anything Peter did. This made Peter furious and whatever "kindness," which to Peter meant molesting the child without torturing him, he had extended to Andy went out the window.

Ritchie knew the full fury of Peter's rage. Barbara and Peter did not speak about what happened. Barbara began to drink more than ever. Peter was no stranger to the bottle himself. Todd did not return to his body until it was well and free from the pain the chest wound caused. Except for a few moments here and there, Mike would always pull him back.

Goodone and Carol hadn't come into the system yet nor had Miss Perkins. The caretaker at that time was a huge talking bear named Bingo. Bingo had been the name of the stuffed bear Peter had ripped out of baby Todd's arms as he sat in his crib. Bingo was soft, warm, cuddly and affectionate to Todd and the children. They saw him as strong, fierce and protective if anyone came to hurt them. In Todd's youngest days, Bingo was whom he would run to and feel safe with. When Goodone came, Bingo became dormant.

Mike knew the ten-year-old Todd, who had just been forced back into hell after six days of hope with his mother, needed a human father. Mike also knew Miss Perkins had all she could handle with the children she already cared for. Now with Scared, Braver, Lisa and Sarah all coming on the scene the day Todd's mother sent him back to Peter, Mike brought Goodone and Carol in to care for them and some of the children who became too much for Miss Perkins, like Thomas.

Mike tended to stay to himself. He only had contact with the other alters if he absolutely had to. He needed his full concentration to keep track of everyone and everything. Mike had no real feelings or emotions of his own. He tried not to interfere with what the others wanted to do. Not even with Pete or Saber. That was not his job. His job was to protect Todd and keep order. He saw himself much like the crossing guard at the elementary school. His job was to guide and protect. He only forced the issue if there were a sense of eminent danger, like in Andy's case. Mike not only heard Susannah, but knowing Peter was dead, he understood there was no danger because Andy told. He would advise Goodone, Carol and Miss Perkins accordingly.

"Andy, would you like to go back to your room?" Susannah asked. She wanted him to rest.

Andy looked over to the toys that Thomas had left strewn on the floor. "Can I take the dinosaurs with me?"

"I think that would be all right." Susannah was sure Alan wouldn't mind. "Do you feel strong enough to stand up?"

Andy nodded. Susannah and Sam helped him up. He was wobbly, but able to walk.

"Terry, would you please get Andy the dinosaurs?" Susannah requested.

Terry handed them to him. "Thank you, Terry," Andy said and smiled at her.

"You are very welcome Andy," Terry answered. She was so happy to see that he was all right. He had given them all a scare.

They got Andy back to his room and tucked him into bed. He didn't protest. "Andy, would you like something to eat?" Susannah asked.

"Cap'n Crunch and ice cream," Andy answered with a smile.

"I will go to the pantry and get that for you right now," Susannah promised.

Andy played happily with the toys he brought from the playroom. He was acting as if nothing had happened. Susannah knew that it wasn't as simple as that. However, she was not about to press Andy about his feelings now. He had been through enough for today. Susannah did not know exactly what was going on with Todd, but she had learned more of his secrets in the past week than she had in a very long time. Susannah felt hopeful for all of them. She was also relieved that Andy did not seem to be experiencing any side effects to the Zyprexa. She wanted to get him to a target dose of ten mg. She was planning on giving him 7.5 mg tomorrow.

Susannah went to the pantry herself and got Andy a bowl of Cap'n Crunch and milk and a dish of vanilla ice cream. Since Andy needed to stay in bed, Sam had asked Jeff to bring the TV into Andy's room. Andy, Sam and his new dinosaurs were watching a videotape of the Flintstones. "They're waiting for Dino to come on," Andy informed Susannah. He held the toys up so they could see the TV screen.

Susannah smiled at him and stroked his head. "Maybe he's one of their cousins?" She suggested. Andy giggled. His sweet, funny smile was a pleasure to see. Susannah left him watching the tape and digging into his food. Susannah was worried about Viki. She was happy to have some good news to tell her. She knew that Viki would be upset to hear about the rest of Andy's disclosures, but that she would be ecstatic to hear that he was now happily watching a video and eating something. Susannah quietly opened the door to the family lounge, just in case Viki was sleeping. Viki was not sleeping. She was sitting on the bed trembling. Her arms were wrapped tightly around her torso. Susannah knew that, at this minute, Viki needed her more than Todd.

TO BE CONTINUED