SECRETS - PART FIFTY-EIGHT B
"Honey, do you know the name of the man who said he was your daddy?" Susannah gently prodded.
He shook his head. He then started to laugh and giggle.
"What's funny, Sweetheart," Viki asked.
"Da man dwowed me in da air and catched me and tickled my tummy. Hemm, it tickles," he giggled, clearly feeling it now.
"Did the man say anything else?" Susannah inquired.
"He day, 'you are a hamson boy. You wook wike your mommy.'"
Viki felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up.
"Daddy and mommy don't wike da man. They fight all day before he come," this tiny alter told them as he hugged his knees to his chest and buried his head in them. He then covered his ears.
Susannah sat down next to him and put her arms around him, "Honey look!" Susannah took his hands from his ears. She placed her hand under his chin and gently turned his face head around so he could see everyone in the room. "Mommy and Daddy are not here now," Susannah assured him.
"I hear dem. Dey fight so woud." Some more tears fell. Susannah just held him for a few minutes.
Once he calmed down a little Susannah asked, "What are mommy and daddy fighting about?"
"Mommy mad cause she don't want da man to see da boo boos."
"What boo boos, honey," Susannah already having a pretty good idea but needed confirmation.
"All da boo boos on me. Mommy yells da man'll took me way if he see all da boo boos. I don't wanna go way from mommy. I don't want da man to took me," this young alter cried out.
"Shhhhh, no one is going to take you away. I promise," Susannah soothed. She held him in her arms. The little alter started to play with his fingers.
He snuggled in Susannah's arms and allowed her to cuddle him. Once he was calm again Susannah continued. "What else did mommy and daddy say about the man coming?"
"Dey day I have to tell da man I faw down da dairs and da pot was hot. Mommy day da man will took me way fowever if I day daddy hurt me. I don't wanna go way fowever. I want to tay with Mommy. I want to tay with Mommy!" He was starting to get agitated.
Susannah held him tightly and rocked him gently. "It's okay. Shhhh. No one will take you away from mommy."
"Da man won't took me?"
"No, honey. He won't," Susannah promised.
"Daddy yell to Mommy 'why'd day he can come,' and Mommy day, 'what was I posed to day? No?' Den daddy day, Mommy dould have dopped him from coming. He day whatever happens is Mommy's fault. Mommy day no. It's daddy's fault cause he hurt us. Den Mommy day she has to get me dwessed cause da man is coming. Mommy cawwy me updairs and put cwean cwothes on me. When Mommy cawwy me downdairs da man is here."
"What did the man say?" Susannah pressed for more information as long as he continued to stay calm.
He day for Mommy to put me down so he can wook at me good. Den he ask Mommy if I can talk. I day I talk weal good and he waugh. He den pick me up and wook at me more and ask me how I got da boo boo on my face and hand. I good boy and day I faw down da dairs and got burned on da pot. Da man wook at Mommy and Daddy. 'He day, 'Isn't anyone watching him?' Mommy day, 'You know how toddwers are.' Da man day, 'Are you happy do you wike it here?' I day I wove my Mommy. He picked me up and day, Mommy and Daddy dould go to a different woom. Mommy! Mommy! I dared."
"Honey, it's all right. Mommy came back, didn't she?" Susannah reminded him.
He thought for a moment and then nodded.
"What did he do next?" Susannah asked.
"He dat down and dat me in his wap and wooked good at my face. He day, 'can you keep a decwet?' I day yes and he day 'I'm your daddy.'"
A wave of dizziness and nausea swept over Viki. She sat down on the bed next to this new alter.
Sam rushed to her side and said, "Maybe it's not what you think?"
Viki's knuckles were white as she dug her nails into the sheets. Viki asked this small boy, "Sweetheart, what did the man look like?"
"He was weal old and his hair was all white, like gwandpa Tom. I day no, my daddy is in dere," the little alter said as he pointed to the room he saw in his mind. "He day no, I'm your weal daddy. I don't underdand," the little alter looked confused.
"Did he say anything else?" Susannah asked as she glanced in Viki's direction.
"He day, 'You are duch a mawt boy. Wook how well you peak and you onwy two years old.' Hhaaa" the little alter gasped. A surprised look showed on his face.
"I two!" he proclaimed and held up two fingers. He smiled broadly and proudly at his discovery.
"That's right!" Susannah confirmed. She hugged him to her.
"Did he say anything else?" Viki asked. Her voice was trembling.
"I day I dwaw picteres and he tooked out a wittle pad and pen. Dey all gold like in a dowybook."
Viki gasped and brought her hand to her mouth. "My God! My father always carried a pad in a gold case and a gold pen."
Sam took her hand. He felt it trembling.
"Did you draw a picture for the man?" Sam asked.
The little alter nodded and said, "I dwawed a pictere of me on da dwing in da park. Da man pat my head and day. 'You dwaw vewy well.' Den he day 'I bwought you domdhing pecial to wear do you dink you'd wike dat?' and I day I wike a toy better and da man waugh. Den he tickle my tummy and dand up and dwow me in da air. I wike dat!" this two-year-old giggled again and continued. "Den he call Mommy in and he give her cwothes and day for her to put it on me. He day it was his when he was wittle boy."
"What did the clothes look like, sweetheart?" Viki continued to press for information even though every word she heard this baby say was like a knife in her heart.
"Bwue and dey itch a wot," he started scratching his arms and legs when he felt the clothes against him, as if it were happening now.
"Its okay, honey. You're not wearing the itchy clothes now," Susannah oriented him as she held his hands to prevent him from scratching himself.
"Mommy picked me up and her mouf melled funny. I don't wike when Mommy mell dat way. Mommy cawwied me updairs and put da cwothes on me. Mommy wooked dared. She said, 'Who would get a wool daiwor suit for a two year old.' Dee! Mommy day I two aldo," baby Todd pointed out.
Viki turned as white as a sheet.
"Viki would you like me to step outside with you for a few minutes?" Susannah offered.
"No, I don't want you to leave him," Viki answered firmly.
Susannah continued. "Did Mommy bring you back downstairs?"
He nodded.
"What happened when you and mommy got back down.
"Daddy and da man wooked mad. Den da man towd Daddy to take a pictere of me. Daddy got a camewa. Da man day 'Come on now wet's dee a mile.' Mommy day, 'Mile for da pictere, dawing. Da man made a funny face." Baby Todd started to laugh and giggle at the memory of the face the man made. He continued. "And it make me mile a wot and daddy tooked da pictere and gave it to da man. Da man put it in his pocket. Den da man picked me up again, real high and he wooked at me for a wong time and den he gave me to mommy and he went outdide with daddy. Mommy tooked me into da wiving woom and put me on da couch and mommy got a melly dwink. Den Mommy tooked me to my woom and I heared Daddy come in and more yewing." Baby Todd started to cry again. He brought his knees to his chest and covering his ears once again.
"Shhhhh, honey, it's all right. The yelling was a long time ago. You're here with us now. You're safe. No yelling," Susannah comforted him. She allowed him to rest for few minutes. He seemed calmer. "What happened after the yelling stopped?" Susannah pushed forward.
Baby Todd started to suck his right thumb and rub his left cheek with the back of his left fingers.
Susannah hugged him tightly and asked gently, "Did something happen to frighten you?"
He didn't answer, but instead got on his knees and put his arms around Susannah's neck and snuggled his head against her shoulder.
Susannah rubbed his back and whispered, "It's all right, little one. No one will hurt you now. You have all of us here to keep you safe and make sure no one hurts you."
He stayed in Susannah's arms for a few minutes and then released his hold on her and sat back on his heels, still facing her. He played with his fingers.
"Honey, can you tell me what daddy did once the yelling stopped?"
"He comed to my cwib and he wooked at me and he dore off da itchy cwothes and I had no cwothes and Bingo, my bear was in my cwib and he tooked him and wipped him all up." Baby Todd started to cry harder and once again wrapped his arms around Susannah's neck.
"It's all right, baby. It's not now. Shhhh," Susannah whispered and rubbed his back soothingly.
He calmed down and sat back on his heels again. "Daddy wapped my banky on me and tooked me out of my cwib. 'Shhhh, don't wet Mommy hear,'" baby Todd whispered.
"Don't let Mommy hear what?" Susannah asked.
"Dat daddy tooked me out. Daddy day 'Shhhh, its a duwpwise for mommy, shhhhh.' Daddy tooked me to da wittle house in da back. It's not big wike where we wive. I tay weal quiet so we can duwpwise mommy good," he said smiling.
Apparently Peter pretended this was all a joke to get his two-year-old son out of the house quietly. The innocent baby Todd had believed him, Susannah thought
"Daddy day, 'Dat old man act wike he own me. He dells me how to waise you. Nobody dell me how to waise you. Your mommy didn't keep him way so now she can bewieve he tooked you way fowever. Isn't dat a funny joke?' I dell daddy, I don't want mommy to bewieve he tooked me way fowever. Daddy day 'Shhhh be quiet till we get to da ded. I have a duwpwise for you dere.' Maybe daddy has candy?" This little alter asked hopefully.
Suddenly his smile turned to a look of terror. "NO! NO! DON'T WANT DO! NO! DADDY DON'T WANT DO! NOOOOOO! DON'T CWOSE DA DOOR. NOOOOOO! IT'S DARK! IT'S DARK! MOMMY! MOMMY!"
"All right, honey. Shhhh. You don't have to think about it anymore. Baby shhhh, relax. It was a long time ago. No one is hurting you now. You don't have to talk about this anymore, shhhhh." Susannah was afraid this was becoming far too stressful for Todd.
The terrified two-year-old continued to scream out and cry. Susannah was just about to call for a sedative when he started to calm down on his own. He lay back in Susannah's arms, his head rested in the crook of her elbow. He once again started to suck his thumb and rub his cheek.
Susannah gently rocked him. After a few minutes he took his thumb out of his mouth and looked around. "It's dark. It's cowd. No cwothes. No banky. No toys. No Mommy."
Susannah remembered he said the same thing the first time he came out. "Did daddy leave you someplace dark and cold?"
He nodded. "Daddy day he gonna tell mommy da man come back and took me way. He gonna tell mommy she don't have a wittle boy no more. Mommy don't know I'm here," A look of terror crossing his face. "I ask daddy for a dwink and he day, 'No dwink! If you dwink you bad. You pee all over da ded. If you pee daddy will cut your pee pee off.' I fwaid to dwink. I fwaid to pee," he shuddered.
"Do you have any clothes on?" Susannah asked.
"No. Daddy tooked dem in my woom. Now he tooked my banky. It's cowd." Baby Todd started shivering. "Daddy day 'Don't you cwy or make a dound. If you do mommy will be hurt.' I don't want mommy hurt and me hurt. I weal quiet. Shhhhh. I dared. It's weal dark and daddy go away weal long ago and mommy don't know I here. I tay here fowever and nobody find me. I weal dared. I dirsty. I don't dwink but I dill have to pee. I dared. Daddy's gonna cut my pee pee off. Mommy calls it my boy parts."
Suddenly Susannah felt a warm wetness spread underneath her. She realized that the little alter, unable to hold it back anymore, had wet himself while captive in the shed. Reliving it had caused him to do the same now.
Sam and Viki did not realize what had happened, until he started to cry and say, "Daddy's gonna hurt me. I peed. Daddy's gonna cut me. Daddy's gonna cut me!"
"Shhhh. No honey. Shhhh, don't be afraid. It's okay. No one will let daddy cut you. Shhhh," Susannah comforted him. She did not making any attempt to move away or remove him from her arms.
Viki and Sam finally realized what had happened. They exchanged looks.
"Susannah, I'm really sorry," Viki apologized for the little alter wetting himself and Susannah.
"Oh boy," Sam said and then asked, "You want me to take him so you can . . . ahhh . . . get . . . ahhh . . . washed up?"
"Everything is fine," Susannah said calmly while continuing to rock the child in her arms. She then said, "Sam, will you please tell Carl that Todd needs to be washed and put in clean pajamas and his bed needs to be changed."
The little alter was once again sucking his thumb. He wasn't rubbing his cheek. The back of his left fingers just rested against it.
Baby Todd was falling asleep. Susannah stroked his forehead and continued to rock him. She looked at Viki. "Are you all right?"
"I saw it, you know," Viki whispered.
"Saw what?" Susannah asked.
"That picture Father had Peter take of Todd. I saw it once, about a year before my father married Dorian. I wanted to get him a shirt for Father's Day. He had lost some weight and I wasn't sure what size he was. So Joe and I went to his room and I took a quick peek in his drawer. I found a picture of a beautiful little boy. He was smiling and wearing a little sailor suit. I remember wondering what Father was doing with a picture of someone's child. I even mentioned it to Joe. He said it probably was the child of one of Father's friends or business associates. I remember saying to Joe, 'Why would he hide it in a drawer?' Then we heard father downstairs so we got out of there. I forgot all about it. Until today!"
Viki brought a trembling hand to her eyes for a moment and then continued. "My God Susannah, Father did see Todd at least once. He saw him and he saw that he was beautiful and brilliant and gifted. He made a funny face for him. I can't imagine Father doing that. He must have had a soft spot for this sweet baby. He also saw that he was hurt. He had to have known that Todd was being abused and he still left him there. What kind of monster was he?! How could he hold his own child in his arms and then walk out and leave him there? How could he do that, Susannah?" Viki wept.
Viki gently stroked baby Todd's head, as he lay in Susannah's arms, sound asleep. The two women looked at each other. Both recognized deep sadness in each other's eyes. Neither one was able to understand how the men who fathered Todd, one biologically, one through adoption, could have done what they did to the child who lay sleeping in Susannah's arms. The child both women loved more than life itself.