Todd's body was exhausted. The little alter slept soundly while they cleaned him and his bed up. Susannah showered and changed into scrubs. Sam and Viki were with Todd when Susannah came back to his room. Dave came in to sit with him while the three of them went to Susannah's office to talk.

Viki looked like she was in shock. She said nothing until they were sitting in the club chairs in Susannah's office. "How could he Susannah? How could my father have gone to see Todd, held him and looked into that baby's eyes and walked out on him? How could he see the bruises on him and leave him there?"

"Viki, perhaps your father believed that Todd got hurt the way he said he did." Then hanging his head in shame, Sam added, "I believed Todd when he said he got hurt by falling or a hot stove or any of the other well rehearsed excuses he gave me."

"Sam, did you really believe him, deep in your heart, or were you just afraid to cause him even more trouble than he had?" Viki asked.

"I guess there was a part of me that had my doubts," Sam admitted.

"Sam, I don't mean this to sound insulting, but my father was not a trusting or innocent person. In many ways you are. My father would have known in a minute if Barbara and Peter were lying and certainly if a two-year-old was. He held his own flesh and blood in his arms. He got to see what an amazing child he had. I can just imagine my father's face when he realized that this two -year-old, not only could talk, but was capable of carrying on a conversation and drawing and who knows what else? My father recognized brilliance and talent when he saw it. I know he was feeling proud that this child was his son. For God's sake, how could he have walked away and left his baby there?" Viki trembled with rage.

"Viki, I don't know if we will ever know your father's true reasons for what he did. This child said your father and Peter were arguing and Victor was telling Peter how to raise him. Perhaps Peter gave him some kind of reassurance that Todd would not be abused anymore," Susannah reasoned.

"Well, if he did, we know what that was worth," Sam remarked.

"Viki," Susannah began, trying to make sense of this for Viki, "I can't even begin to imagine how you feel right now, but you have to remember, your father could never have faced up to what he did and that included having an affair with Irene. Victor was happy that you didn't seem to remember anything about seeing him with Irene. He was not about to come walking in the door with Todd."

"At least you know he wasn't totally heartless. He did check up on his son," Sam tried to comfort Viki.

"Don't you both see? The fact that he saw Todd and held him makes it so much worse. How can I ever forgive him for that? There is also something else. When that baby mentioned that my father was tickling his tummy it made my blood run cold. It turned my stomach."

"You don't think Victor was molesting Todd," Sam was shocked because this had never occurred to him.

"No, I don't. I think it was innocent play. But just the image of my father's hand on that baby's stomach, I . . ." Viki was too upset to continue. Sam put his arms round her. "My God!" she wept on Sam's shoulder. "I sometimes wonder why Todd was born. There was not one person in his life who didn't hurt him and betray him somehow."

Viki felt Sam's body tense when she said this. She realized she had added to his guilt. "Sam, I didn't mean you. I wasn't even thinking of you," she said, honestly.

"I know, but it's true. Todd had no one. He only had a friend who would take him to amusement parks and ball games and coach him in football. He only had me up to a point. When it really counted, when he needed someone to get him the hell out of that house and save him from Peter, he had no one. Absolutely no one." The self-loathing was apparent in Sam's voice.

"Susannah, do you still think this alter is a fragment?" Viki asked as she calmed down a little.

"No, not really. A fragment's personality would not be fully developed. This little boy seemed to have a developed personality, but no identity. I am beginning to think that he really is a very young Todd, a regressed Todd. That may have been why this child's memories are closer to Todd's memory.

"So, you're saying this was not an alter?" Sam asked.

"He is an alter, but not in the same way Timmy and the rest are. As traumatic as this alter's memories may seem to you, I don't think they were as traumatic for Todd as most of the other things that happened. He certainly had no reason to be afraid of your father, Viki. The most frightening part was what happened afterward. That would be the part Todd would block out. This may have been more a case of depersonalization than dissociation."

"What is the difference between the two? Sam inquired.

"In dissociation the person removes or splits off the painful feelings, memories, or thoughts from conscious awareness. In depersonalization the person has feelings of unreality or strangeness related to himself, body parts or functions, or the external environment.

"Do you think that Todd, himself, could remember meeting Father?" Viki asked anxiously.

"No, it is highly unlikely that Todd would remember something that happened when he was two. Not consciously anyway. This child is, in a way, Todd's unconscious. If Todd were under hypnosis, perhaps, he would recall it, but not consciously. The memories may even be in his preconscious. From there they can be recalled to consciousness with some effort. There is a possibility that when Todd learned Victor was his father, he had a very vague memory of a man telling him he was his real father when he was little and quickly buried it again. Even that is highly unlikely. I think the dissociation came later in the day, when he was locked, naked, cold and thirsty in the shed and was terrified of the dark and of urinating. I think he dissociated, but not fully. I believe that Todd has this child's memories right below the surface. Not buried deeply like the others. If, when Todd resurfaces and if he is well enough and coherent enough, I will try to find out," Susannah promised them.

"Susannah, do you think Todd will hate me when he comes back? Do you think he will ever be able to forgive me?" Viki asked as tears once again filled her sad blue eyes.

Susannah was glad that Viki brought up what happened right after she allowed Todd to believe she was his mother. "Viki, first of all there is a very strong possibility that Todd will not even remember what happened. Todd's history is to bury what is painful. Even if he remembers, Todd could never hate you. Todd can never hate anyone he loves. He may act as if he does, but his ability to love runs very deep. Once someone is loved by Todd, they stay loved."

"Yes, I guess Blair is an example of that. Even after all the bitterness they have been through and even though Todd is in love with Tea, I know if he were able and Blair was in trouble, he would help her in a minute," Viki confirmed. She realized what Susannah said had a ring of truth to it.

"Pete once told me that on Peter's deathbed Todd was begging him to live and that Todd was still feeling all this love for his father. I think there is no doubt that Todd has the ability to love," Susannah stated.

"If only his ability to feel love in return was as strong," Sam added sadly.

"Todd had no experience feeling love," Susannah began explaining, "Even Barbara's love was not unconditional. It was not without limits. Children need to know that there is someone who will love them no matter what, someone who they can count on, who will not turn away from them. They need someone who will not walk away from them or send them away when the going gets tough. Todd had no real experience being loved that way. So you can't really expect him to know how to be. He shut down that part of himself to keep from being hurt. Todd desperately wanted love, but knew it was not there for him. The part of him that needed love was left exposed, like a nerve ending. He had to cover it up to protect it. Now he doesn't know how to remove the cover and the feelings can't get through."

Viki reached out for Sam's hand. They both grieved all that had been lost to "their kid."

"How will he ever get 'the cover' off? No matter how much we tell Todd we love him, even if he is in our arms at the time, he just can't feel the love. That is why I realize how cruel it was to pretend to be his mama. He felt it then. For those few minutes he was feeling love. I know he was," Viki lamented as tears spilled down her cheeks.

"Viki, I think what Todd was feeling mostly was absolution. He felt Mama had forgiven him for this unnamed sin that he thinks he committed to make her reject him. He felt that maybe he wasn't so bad if Mama could forgive him," Susannah gently explained her theory of the situation.

"So, then I took that away from him. Susannah, no matter how you look at it, I hurt Todd. I hurt him very much. Enough that it almost killed him!"

"Viki, I know you don't believe this and maybe you don't want to because it won't fit in with your intent to punish yourself, but in all likelihood, even it that incident had never happened that day, Todd still would have arrested. His electrolytes were messed up. He is weak. His heart went out of normal rhythm. That happens. He may have even reacted to all the drugs in his system. Don't forget it took three shots to put him out. That is an awful lot of drugs for Todd's body. There are many reasons why that could have happened. Todd's stress, being only one of the possible factors," Susannah tried her best to assuage Viki's guilt.

Viki let that go for now. The events of the day with baby Todd preyed on her mind. "Susannah do you think my father had any love at all for Todd?"

"Viki, if he didn't when he went to see him, I'm sure he did when he left."

"Then how could he walk away from that sweet baby in the picture? You should have seen it. Todd was precious. He was beautiful. He had these huge hazel eyes and the sweetest smile. You would never guess, looking at the child in that picture, that he was being tortured." A look of pain suddenly crossed Viki's face.

"Viki, what is it?" Susannah asked.

"I just remembered. I saw what looked like some kind of discoloration on the little boy's face. I remember pointing it out to Joe. He said it was probably the light or the picture fading. I just realized. Those were the bruises I was looking at. Dear Lord! I was looking at Peter's handiwork. That sweet baby's face was covered with bruises. Damn you Peter and damn you Father! How could you have done the things you did!" Viki pounded her right fist into her left hand before putting her face in her lap and dissolving into tears.

Susannah was firm about Viki going home to sleep in her own bed for the night. Both Sam and Susannah offered to stay the night with Todd, but Viki told him that wouldn't be necessary. She agreed to go home. As soon as she and Sam walked through the door of Llanfair, Viki headed up to the attic. Sam didn't have to ask her what she was looking for as he watched her tearing into old cartons of Victor's things.

"DAMN IT! DAMN IT! WHERE THE HELL IS IT!" Viki yelled in a way that was not at all like her.

Sam was really worried. Viki was getting hit with one trauma after another. "Viki, perhaps your father got rid of the picture?"

"No! I know my father. If it was important enough for him hide it, it was important enough for him to keep it. Oh God!" Viki exclaimed.

"What? What is it?" Sam asked in a panicked voice.

"Maybe it was in the secret room when it was destroyed."

"Secret room? What secret room?" Sam had no idea what she was talking about.

"My father had built a secret room in the basement of this house. That was where he liked to commit all the filthy little secrets of his life. Like hiding paintings he had gotten from Nazis and hiding his mistresses and raping his daughter."

Viki saw the shocked look on Sam's face, but she continued. She needed to continue. "Father kept all his shameful secrets down there. Why wouldn't a picture of the child he handed over to a sadist and a drunk be just one more of them?"

"You said the room was destroyed?" Sam reminded her calmly. He was trying to keep Viki focused.

"Yes! Everything but the memories of my father's filth was destroyed."

Sam had never seen this part of Viki. He recognized what was so familiar about it. It was rage. Like the rage he had so often seen in Todd, only without the violence. My God, Sam thought to himself. No wonder Viki's love for Todd is so intense. She recognizes that part of herself in him. Sam's heart broke for the wounded children that lived inside of both brother and sister and he felt hatred for the men who wounded them.

Viki and Sam looked through her father's things for another hour before she gave up. Sam could see she was angry and frustrated.

"Are you sure all of your father's things are here?" Sam asked, wishing Viki would just let it rest.

"Dorian!" Viki exclaimed.

"What about Dorian?" Sam asked.

"She might have some of Father's things or know where they are. Although, I imagine that Dorian would not have been interested in anything of Father's that had no financial value." Viki headed out of the attic.

"Where are you going?" Sam asked, holding Viki's shoulders.

"To Dorian's," Viki announced.

"Viki," Sam began, trying his best to keep his voice calm. "It is after eleven. We have not had dinner yet. You have not slept in your own bed for days. Please. If you show up at Dorian's now, like this, she will not take you seriously."

"You mean she will think I'm crazy or should I say crazy again?"

Sam could not get over how much Viki was now sounding like Todd, at least Todd in his more rational days.

Eventhough she was being sarcastic, Viki realized Sam was right. Dorian would be little enough inclined to help her. If she thought she was falling apart, she never would. "All right," Viki agreed calmly. She tried to pull herself together. She realized she was frightening Sam. "Dorian can wait for tomorrow. Now what shall we have for dinner?"

It was nearly two in the morning before Sam and Viki went to bed. Even then they could not fall asleep. Viki because she could not get the memory of the picture or of her father holding Todd out of her mind. Sam because in addition to worrying about Todd, Sam was beginning to worry about Viki and her reaction to recent events and her obsession with this picture. They both tossed and turned until sometime after four in the morning.

Viki was the first to awaken. She saw it was eight-ten in the morning. She jumped out of bed. She knew that Todd or one of the alters would probably be awake by now and probably calling or crying for her or for Sam. She cursed herself for forgetting to set the alarm. She was calmer than she was when she and Sam had gotten home last night, but she still had an overwhelming need to see that picture again. She did not understand why it was so important to her. She just knew that it was. She had planned on stopping by Dorian's before the hospital, even if it meant getting Dorian out of bed, but now there was no time. She would have to call her later.

"Sam. Sam! Wake up! It's late. We have to get to the hospital. Todd is probably awake by now. Sam!"

"I'm up, I'm up," Sam rubbed his eyes and yawned.

"It's after eight," Viki informed him. She grabbed some clothes and headed for the bathroom. "Sam, I'll be ready in twenty minutes. Can you be ready by then?"

"Sure, no problem. I'll shave while you shower," Sam said as he felt the stubble on his chin and cheeks. Then I'll grab a quick shower and throw my clothes on and I'll be ready when you are. They both were out the door within twenty-five minutes.

The little alter had gone back inside and Timmy was out. Susannah was sitting on the bed with Timmy snuggled up to her. Timmy was pretending to read Susannah a story. Viki and Sam stood in the doorway and smiled as they heard Timmy make up a story to go along with the pictures in the storybook.

"Hi, Timmy is here this morning," Susannah said when she saw Sam and Viki come in.

As soon as Timmy saw them, he reached out for a hug.

"Good morning sweetheart." Viki hugged him tightly.

"Was he awake when you got here?" Viki whispered to Susannah.

"No, I've been here since five-fifteen, just in case he woke up. "You had a good night's sleep, didn't you sweetie?" Susannah asked, rhetorically.

Timmy shrugged his shoulders and said, "I don't remember."

"He's fine," Susannah assured them.

"Doctor Hanen said I could go for a walk today," Timmy said, excitedly.

"Wow! That's great! Have you had any breakfast yet, pal?" Sam asked.

Timmy shook his head and replied, "My tummy feels funny."

Even though Viki knew this was Timmy's usual response she thought that perhaps it was her absence that gave him a nervous stomach.

"He had a feeding at seven and will have another at nine-thirty," Susannah informed them.

"Timmy, would you like a Fluffernutter? You haven't had one for a long time." Viki tried to tempt him.

Timmy shook his head.

"How about some chocolate pudding then, sweetheart?"

Viki was thrilled when Timmy said, "Okay."

Viki immediately headed for the pantry. Susannah handed Timmy the storybook and said, "Sweetie, I'll be right over here talking to Sam. Okay?"

Timmy nodded and started to "read" the story to Mr. Rabbit and Mr. Panda.

"How is Viki doing this morning and how are you?" Susannah whispered to Sam.

"Not so great on either count," Sam answered and then filled her in. "We didn't get much sleep last night. Susannah, I'm a little worried about Viki. She spent most of the night in the attic, looking through boxes of her father's belongings, trying to find that picture. When she couldn't, she really got upset. She wanted to head off to Dorian's at eleven o'clock to see if she had it or knew where it was. She also started talking about a secret room her father had. She wondered if it had been in there."

Sam could tell from the expression on Susannah's face that she knew about the secret room. "Do you have any idea why that picture is so important to Viki?" Sam inquired.

"No, at this point I don't. I really need to get Viki to open up and talk about everything that has happened in the past week. I just don't think she is ready to do that," Susannah stated.

Viki came back into the room with some pudding that she'd scooped into the special bird bowl. She set the timer and sat on the bed next to Timmy. Sam sat on Timmy's other side. Timmy showed them how he could read the storybook all by himself.

Susannah looked at Sam and Viki. Their eyes were just glowing with love for Timmy. Timmy finished the pudding a little sooner than Viki had anticipated. She saw he was getting disappointed when the birds didn't sing. Then the timer went off and Timmy got a huge smile on his face and said, "Maybe they were sleeping?"

Viki and Sam hugged Timmy and Viki said, "Yes sweetheart, maybe they were."

"Timmy, how about we get you out of those pajamas? Why don't I get Frank and Jeff to come in and get you washed and dressed and then we can see about that walk? Hmmmm sweetie, would you like that?" Susannah encouraged him to be mobile.

Timmy nodded.

"Have you two had breakfast yet?" Susannah directed her question to Sam and Viki.

"No, we were late getting up. We'll catch something later," Viki replied for both of them.

"This would be a good time. Why don't I stay with Timmy and wait for Frank and Jeff to get him ready and then you two can be back in time for his walk?" Susannah suggested.

Viki did want to have a chance to call Dorian. She didn't want to take the time to leave the hospital and go to Dorian's house. She was hoping Dorian would consider meeting her at the hospital. She did not want Dorian around Todd or any of the alters though. Blair told Viki that Dorian had been giving her a pretty hard time about not trying to get legal custody of Starr these past few months.

For once, Blair was standing up to her aunt and absolutely refused to do anything to take Starr away from Todd while he was sick. "It doesn't matter, Dorian. Todd doesn't even want Starr to see him like this. He has no say in Starr's life right now anyway. Todd is not doing anything to hurt Starr or me. Why would I want to go out of my way to hurt him when he is so sick?" Blair had argued.

Ever since Blair saw Todd so close to death and had met some of the alters, she could not stop thinking about her ex-husband. She once again found that part of her heart that had once loved Todd. She realize that even if he were to become well his heart probably belonged to Tea, but that didn't stop Blair from remembering the good times with Todd and feeling love and compassion for the father of her child. Right now Blair had all the say when it came to Starr. She had no intention of kicking Todd while he was down. Dorian had other ideas and had spoken to a lawyer, behind Blair's back. She already knew all the options and had all the paperwork ready. She was just waiting for the day Blair would come to her senses.

Dorian was surprised to hear from Viki. It had been a very long time. "I wonder what Queen Victoria wants," Dorian said to the maid when she was told Mrs. Carpenter was on the phone.

"Dorian, I'm sorry to bother you, but do you think you can meet me at the hospital for a few minutes? I need to ask you something."

"Can't we do this over the phone?" Dorian asked.

"I'd rather discuss it in person," Viki insisted. She realized she would have to tell Dorian about Victor's visit to Todd and preferred to do it face to face.

Dorian didn't like being "summoned" by Viki, but her curiosity got the best of her. "All right. Do you want me to come to Todd's room?"

"No!" Viki said sharply. "There is lounge on seven. Take the West elevators. They will buzz you in and you can wait for me there. Someone will come and get me." Viki made sure to tell Dorian to take the West elevators so that she wouldn't have to pass by Todd's room to get to the lounge.

"Is she coming?" Sam asked.

"Yes, she'll be here a little later. She'll wait in the family lounge. I don't want her near Todd." Viki stated adamantly and finished her coffee.

Dorian knew Todd was ill. "He always was," she muttered to herself as she walked into the lobby of Llanview hospital. Blair had filled her in on the basics. She knew Todd had been diagnosed with DID. She assumed, like Viki, he had a few alters and most of them were adults. She wondered how many of them she had met over the years and not known it.

Dorian had the papers she had her lawyer draw up in her purse. She was grateful for the opportunity to get into the locked unit Todd was on. She knew that, without Viki's permission, she would not be allowed to enter that unit. Perhaps, she thought, I can find a way to get a few minutes alone with Todd. If I happen on an alter who is willing, I might just be leaving with papers signing all legal rights to Starr over to Blair. Dorian believed that in the long run, Blair would be grateful.

Dorian purposely showed up a little more than an hour earlier than she told Viki she would. She hoped that Viki had already told them to let her in and that they would not be calling her to get permission. Dorian had never been on that unit. It did not exist when she had been on staff at the hospital. She headed to the West elevator bank and took the elevator to seven. Dorian nervously played with the straps of her purse as she waited for Ellen, a tech manning the seldom used Unit West nurses station, to check the list of approved visitors to see if a Dorian Lord Hayes was on it. Dorian felt relief when she heard the buzzer and felt the door give way.

Ellen was covering for the woman who usually managed the desk, the woman Viki had spoken with and told to please ask Mrs. Hayes to wait in the lounge and to make sure that she did. Viki had also asked her to please send someone to get her the minute Dorian arrived. Since Dorian was not expected for at least an hour, the woman Viki had spoken with did not bother to tell her replacement about Dorian. She figured, why bother when she would be back long before Mrs. Hayes showed up?

Dorian headed for the lounge, but stopped short of going in. She looked toward the desk. The tech's head was down as she concentrated on the paperwork she was doing. Dorian did not know what room Todd was in, but she knew if she just headed for the main part of the unit, she would be bound to find it. She figured she could just wait in the shadows or behind the newspaper she brought with her for mother hen Viki to leave her little chick for a moment.

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