"Todd needs to learn to feel as safe and secure and loved in our world as he does when he's with Goodone. He needs to feel that safety from you and Viki and from Tea and eventually from himself. The way Goodone hugs and holds him and the words he says to comfort Todd when he's hiding are the ones we have to give Todd and then teach him to give himself. They all need to learn that, first individually and then as part of Todd. If we could get Todd to listen to the voices, without the fear and without fighting them, we could be a step closer to him getting to know those parts of himself that he has split off," Susannah explained.

*************************************************************************************************************

Todd slept fitfully through the night. Both Sam and Viki stayed with him. He cried out for Sam, Viki and his mother several times. However he did not wake up. Viki and Sam would hold his hand and stroke his head and that seemed to allow him to sleep for a while. Then, within the hour, he would cry out again. Finally towards dawn his sleep became more peaceful. They assumed he had switched. It was Tom who woke up. He became fearful when he discovered the feeding tube. Like they had with the others, they calmed his fears about it. Tom realized it didn't hurt. Viki and Sam got him to promise not to pull it out.

Tom had already been fed the Osmolyte and was washed and dressed when Susannah arrived. She had spoken with Ryan before going to Todd's room. She told him that although she wanted him to try again she doubted if Todd would be any more receptive to therapy today then he had been last time. Susannah was even surer of this when she checked his chart and read about the bad night he had.

Viki and Sam showed Tom the bird dish and bowl and asked him if he wanted to have something to eat so that he could hear the birds sing.

He looked at it as if he wanted to, but then he protested. "I'm not a baby. That's for babies."

"All right, but if you change your mind or you want something to eat on a regular plate just let us know," Viki reminded him.

Susannah was glad that it was Tom who was out. She wanted to have a session with him and she knew that he would be willing to try to help Todd come out for his session with Ryan. "Good morning honey. How are you feeling?" Susannah looked at him closely as she asked that.

"Do I get to go to the playroom and art room?" Tom was concerned that he'd have to stay in bed.

"You can go to them later on. Right now I'd like you to come to my office with me so we can talk for a while."

"Okay, can I bring my truck?" Tom asked calmly.

"Sure you can," Susannah agreed.

Tom turned to Sam and Viki and asked them anxiously, "Are you going away?"

"No Boomer. We'll be right here when you get back." Since Tom still looked unsure, Sam added, "I promise."

Susannah asked Frank to wait outside her office and she and Tom headed inside.

"I'm really happy you came out this morning. I've been wanting to speak with you," Susannah informed Tom.

He was already sitting on his knees, playing with his truck.

"Tom, I need to ask you some questions, okay?"

"Uh huh," he answered in between making truck sounds.

"Do you know Goodone?"

Tom shook his head.

"Do you know Braver and Scared or the girl twins that live inside Todd?"

Tom shook his head again. "Look! I can make the backup light go on and it makes backup sounds," Tom pointed to his truck.

"Wow! That's just like a real truck. You really like that toy don't you?" Susannah smiled.

"Yeah! It's the neatest truck I got. Santa thought I was good. Right?"

"That's right, very good." Susannah realized how important believing that was to Tom and Timmy. Susannah took him in another direction. "Tom, do you remember anything about a summerhouse that Todd went to one time? It belonged to Charles Heath. Do you know who that is?"

Tom didn't answer. He continued to play with his truck and his truck sounds got louder.

Susannah sat down on the floor next to him and turned his face towards hers. "Honey, it's safe to tell me. Do you know who Charles Heath was?"

Tom stopped playing and looked at Susannah and nodded. "Is my mom coming back? Dad says she's gonna stay with him forever. She wouldn't leave me forever, would she?" Tom's chin and lower lip were quivering as he tried to hold back his tears.

"Honey, maybe your mom intended to come back for you but she couldn't," Susannah suggested.

Tom started to cry. "My mom loved me."

"Of course she did. She loved you very much, but your mom was afraid." Susannah put her arm around his shoulders and hugged him to her.

"Cause Dad was mean to her?"

"Yes, because your dad was mean to her," Susannah confirmed.

"But he was mean to us too. We wanted to run away, too." Tom suddenly, pulled away from her.

"Mommy lied! She always lies! Tom can run away with me."

"Andy! Hi sweetheart. You popped out kind of fast. You surprised me," Susannah confessed.

"Tom is crying. He's with Miss Perkins. She don't like me."

"Why doesn't Miss Perkins like you?"

"Cause," Andy answered, apparently not ready to talk about what he knew. Andy looked around. "Where's Timmy?"

"Don't you know, sweetheart?" Susannah asked.

Andy shook his head.

"When you don't see Timmy outside he's safe in here." Susannah patted Andy's chest.

Andy looked down at his chest and then looked up at Susannah with a puzzled look on his face. "I don't see him."

Susannah smiled and explained. "You can't see him that way Andy. He's inside Todd's body."

"Oh," Andy easily accepted Susannah's explanation. Andy started to rub his eyes, as he did he felt the feeding tube taped to his cheek.

Susannah quickly took his hand away from it. "Andy that's nothing to be afraid of. That's called a feeding tube. Todd's body needs more food than any of you are able to eat so we are giving it to him through the tube."

"No! Take it away! It scares me." Andy started to cry. He reached for the tube again but didn't make any attempt to get up off the floor.

Susannah tried to calm him on her own before she call Frank in. She knew Andy would escalate quickly if Frank had to touch him. Susannah turned Andy so that his back was towards her. She put her arms around him and held on to his hands. "Shhhh, Andy, it's nothing to be afraid of. It's not hurting you is it, sweetheart?"

Andy's sobs subsided while he thought about what Susannah said. "No, it don't hurt," he admitted.

"So you see, if you just leave it alone you won't even know it's there. You didn't know until you reached up and felt it. Right?"

Andy nodded.

"Okay Andy, if I let go of your hands do you promise not to touch the tube?"

He nodded again.

Susannah let go. Andy rested his head back against her, not making any move to leave the security of Susannah's arms. Susannah continued to hold him tightly sensing he needed to feel secure in her hug.

Andy looked up at Susannah. "Do they still have magic walls here?" "No one can ever hear anything you say here, Andy. Not unless you want them to, I promise."

"Mommy lies to me," Andy said angrily.

"Sweetheart, you know I'm not mommy. You know I won't lie to you?" Susannah just held him for a minute. He rested her chin on the top of his head. After he was calm for a few minutes Susannah began his session. "Andy, do you know Goodone?"

"Papa," Andy corrected her and filled her in. "He's my nice daddy. He don't do stuff to me or make me do stuff to him. It don't hurt of feel funny when he holds me."

"Do you spend a lot of time with Papa?"

"Only now, not before. I hided good before no one could find me. But I got alonesome. So I sneeeeaked back," Andy said, giggling.

"You did! How did you sneak back?"" Susannah smiled at this funny, sweet child.

"Cause I'm reeeeeal fast and I can run real good and I can catch a ball and throw one real good. Daddy likes me best. Sometimes I'm Daddy's good boy."

Andy stood up and started backing away from Susannah. "Sweetheart, what's wrong? What's the matter?" Susannah was surprised by this sudden change from happy to anger or fear.

"YOU HATE ME! YOU HATE ME!" Andy plopped down on the floor and drew his knees to his head. He held them with this arms and rocked back and forth. "I don't care. I don't care! You're a liar anyway. I'm gonna run away," Andy whispered to himself. Then, just as Susannah was about to go to him he headed for the door. Susannah ran to stop him, just as his hand turned the doorknob.

No, I want my tree! I want my tree!" Andy cried out as he struggled with Susannah.

Susannah called for back up. Frank, who had been right outside the door, came in immediately. Within a minute more staff rushed to Susannah's office. Andy was now being securely held. Susannah had quickly assigned Frank and Jeff to hold his legs. She held him in her arms herself. Andy was not at all physically strong and he was not striking out. He was just trying to get to the safety of his tree. Susannah knew how traumatic it would be for him if any of the male techs were to have their arms around him. Terry was holding his head steady but it was Susannah who was talking soothingly to him.

"Andy shhhh. It's all right sweetheart. We're not going to hurt you. We're just holding you to keep you safe. Andy you need to calm down and then we'll let you go. Tell us how we can help you calm down." Susannah spoke soothingly, trying to calm him.

He became even more agitated. "YOU HATE ME AND YOU LIE TO ME! I WANT MY TREEEEEE!" Andy screamed.

He suddenly went limp in their arms and began to cry softly. Cautiously everyone released their grip on him.

"I didn't mean to be Daddy's good boy. Now Mommy hates me. Everybody hates me I have to go away forever. Nobody wants me. I'm supposed to stay away from Timmy. I love Timmy. He's my best friend. I showed him my tree. Only Timmy. No one likes me," Andy whispered.

"What?"

Susannah knew Todd was back.

Todd thrust his hands out in front of him. "Viki! Sam!" Todd's voice was already full of panic.

"Todd, it's Doctor Hanen." Susannah took his hands. As usual they were like ice. "Todd, you're in my office. You're safe," Susannah oriented and assured him.

Todd reached down and felt the floor. He tried to stand up but fell back into a sitting position.

"Here, let me help you," Susannah offered, taking his arm.

Todd pulled it away from her. She noticed tears were streaming down his cheeks.

"What is it, Todd? Tell me," Susannah prompted as she knelt down next to him.

"I wish I were dead. I just want to die. Why won't you let me? I can't do anything anymore. I can't make my body work. I can't think straight. I can't be good. I want to but I just don't know how. That's why Viki left. She's not coming back for me," Todd cried.

"Get Sam and Viki," Susannah whispered to Jeff.

Todd was now holding his knees to his chest and rocking, much the same way Andy had.

"Todd. TODD! I want you to stay with me. Todd don't go inside your head. Viki and Sam are on their way here right now. I want you to stay here and wait for them. They love you Todd. Let them love you. Stay around and let them love you."

"It said she was going away forever," Todd whispered.

"What did?" Susannah was confused.

"The note Viki left. It was on the table in the entrance hall." Todd's hand trembled as he held the note he thought was in it. "It's dark. I can't see it. Read it to me." Todd pleaded as he held out the note he was hallucinating was in his hand.

Susannah tenderly put her arm around his shoulders and spoke to him gently. "Todd, there is no note in your hand. Viki didn't leave you a note, Mama did. Viki is on her way in here, and so is Sam."

Just as Susannah said this, Sam and Viki came into the room.

"Todd?" Viki mouthed to Susannah when she saw him sitting on the floor. Susannah nodded.

"Todd it's Viki. I'm here, sweetheart," Viki knelt down. Susannah released her hold on him as Viki took him in her arms.

"I'm here too, pal," Sam let Todd know. He put his hand on Todd's shoulder.

"Viki tell her! Please! Tell her it's okay. Please!"

"Tell her what's okay, sweetheart?" Viki had no idea what he was talking about.

"That she could let me die. That it's okay to stop doing things to keep my alive. Please Viki! Please tell her! Please!" Todd wept. Huge sobs escaped his body.

Viki looked up helplessly at Sam and Susannah. She hugged Todd with all her might. She brushed his hair, damp with his tears, off his face and then held his face in her hands and wiped his tears away with her thumbs. She kissed his forehead and stated firmly, "Todd, I would do anything in the world for you. Sweetheart, I am much to selfish to do that."

"Selfish?" Todd repeated. He couldn't imagine Viki being selfish in any way.

"Todd, I love you so much. I would not want to live in a world without you. I know it is selfish of me to want to you keep you here, even if you don't want to be here, but I love you too much to ever let you go. Sweetheart, I love you with all my heart. I wish I were your mother," Viki continued to hold Todd to her tightly. Viki felt the muscles of Todd's body relax. She pulled back and looked at his face. His eyes were blank. Todd had gone away.

"Todd. TODD!" Susannah called to him. "Todd, I want you to come back. There is nothing to be afraid of. Todd I want you to hear my voice and come to it. Come to the front Todd. Goodone, can you help Todd to come to the front?" Susannah tried. No reaction. "TODD!" She tried once more. Nothing. There was no response. Susannah could not get him back this time. "He's where he wants to be," she comforted Sam and Viki.

Susannah told Frank and Jeff to take Todd back to his room. She told them to sit him in a chair and to stay with him.

"Come on, Todd. Up we go," Frank said as he and Jeff lifted Todd to his feet. Todd's body walked with them willingly. His mind was somewhere safe.

"Do you think he's with Goodone? Do you think he's being comforted?" Viki asked hopefully as tears sprung to her eyes.

"Yes, I do think that is exactly where he is," Susannah confirmed and placed her hand on Viki shoulder. Susannah called Ryan and told him Todd's session with him would have to be canceled for today and explained why. Viki and Sam went back to Todd's room. Susannah decided to go see Bo.

"Yeah, sure I can arrange for you to see Rosen if you want to. I'm sure he'll see you. I hear he's always looking to score Brownie points with the warden. I just don't think he'll know much. Todd was never one to confide his feelings to people." Bo pointed out to Susannah when she asked him to arrange the meeting.

"I don't really expect any major disclosures. Todd did drink a lot when he and Zack were frat boys together. Maybe he let some things slip. Is the therapist Todd saw, a Ray something, still at Statesville?"

"No, he is working somewhere in Philly, in private practice, last I heard. I can try to trace him down for you if you want."

"Thanks. I would like to speak with him."

"Todd's not doing to well is he?" Bo asked gently.

"No, he's not," Susannah replied honestly.

"I didn't want to say much about it in front of Sam and Viki, but I was shocked to see the way he looked. He reminded me of one of those starving, big eyed kids you see in the commercials for those children's funds," Bo admitted. He saw that tears had welled up in Susannah's eyes. "You've grown to care a lot about him, haven't you?"

"Yeah," Susannah confessed sadly. They were startled by the sound of Bo's intercom.

"The Misses is here to see you, Commissioner," the voice over the intercom said.

Bo and Susannah exchanged looks. "Susannah I'm sorry. I forgot Nora was meeting me for lunch."

"That's what I get for just dropping by," Susannah sighed and then smiled. Bo knew she understood.

"Send her in," Bo instructed.

Nora was surprised, to say the least, when she saw Susannah sitting there. "Well, I didn't know today was ex-felon's best friend day. If I had, I would have dressed for it."

"Knock it off, Red!" Bo snapped firmly.

"That's all right. I was just leaving," Susannah declared and stood up.

"Please don't leave on my account. Let me guess. You want Bo to help Todd out in some way, again!" Nora assumed.

"Bo, thank you for your time," Susannah stated and then turned to Nora. "Maybe it's time you shut your mouth and opened your mind and heart." With that Susannah left.

Nora stood there with her mouth hanging open. "What the hell did she mean by that! What does she want you to do now? Babysit Todd for her?"

"Let's not talk about Todd. We'll only end up in an argument," Bo reasoned. Bo was becoming almost as annoyed with Nora's attitude as Susannah.

"Is your memory as short as my sister's? Did you forget what Todd did to me and what he did to Marty?"

"No, I haven't forgotten, but there are things about Todd that you don't know. Look, I'm not at liberty to talk about this. All I can tell you that things were done to Todd that even you wouldn't wish on him. Now let's drop this and go to lunch!" Bo was not in the mood for another fight over Todd and Susannah.

Nora was curious. Nevertheless, she could not imagine anything so bad happening to Todd that he didn't deserve.

Todd was still sitting in the chair when Susannah returned. Terry told her he had been fed some more Osmolyte.

"Any reaction?" Susannah asked.

"Nothing," Terry answered. Susannah could hear discouragement in her voice.

"Where are Viki and Sam?" Susannah inquired.

"Sam insisted Viki get some rest in the lounge. He went to get her something to eat," Terry filled Susannah in.

"Todd! Todd it's Doctor Hanen. I want you to listen to my voice and try to come toward it. Listen to me Todd. It's safe to come out. No one here will hurt you." Still no response. "Goodone it's Doctor Hanen. If Todd is with you I would like you to let him know he doesn't have to hide. It is safe for him here. Goodone I know you love Todd and want to help him. If you help him to feel safe enough to come out you would be helping him a lot." Todd's eyes remained blank.

What Susannah didn't know was that, for just a minute, Todd heard her.

"It's all right Todd. Don't listen. You are safe with me. You don't have to be with the others. You have your own safe place here with me. Don't listen, just rest. Feel the warm sun shining down on you. It is warm in here Todd. You are my son and I love you. Papa loves you."

Todd looked into his papa's loved filled eyes and smiled. He felt Goodone's arms around him and snuggled into them. Todd felt warm and safe and loved. He stopped hearing Susannah call to him.

They kept Todd in the chair. Viki and Sam came back into the room.

"Any change?" Sam asked.

Frank shook his head.

"Hey pal. Todd. How about coming back and talking to me for a while?"

Todd gave no response.

"Okay Boomer, you rest," Sam sounded defeated. He kissed the top of Todd's head.

Susannah came back in the late afternoon. Connie was on duty and was just finishing up another feeding. A lab tech came to take a blood sample. Todd responded to neither one. Todd's eyes were open. Inside he was sleeping peacefully in Goodone's arms. Carol was watching the other children who considered Goodone their papa. She knew Todd needed Goodone all to himself right now.

Todd was undressed and his pajamas were put on and he was put to bed. He gave no resistance and no recognition of being a part of their world. Goodone knew how their world could hurt. He knew the evil in it. He knew what waited for Todd in their world. He would keep him safe for as long as he could. He knew that every time Todd and the others ventured out into their world they were hurt. Their bodies were hurt with their tubes and needles and medicines and their minds were hurt by the questions they were asked.

Yes, Goodone sympathized with Todd's sister, wife, Sam and Susannah. He knew they cared for Todd and he knew they wanted Todd with them. Still, his priority was Todd. Todd had to come first. He was Goodone's main responsibility. He always had been.

Goodone realized he might have made a mistake, showing himself to Doctor Hanen and the others. Now they were aware of him and aware that he knew where Todd's hiding place was. Goodone held on to Todd tightly. "Don't worry Todd. I will never betray you. I will never let them find you. I will always be here for you after their world hurts you. You will always have me." Todd stirred. He snuggled even closer to Goodone and smiled again. He loved waking up in his papa's arms. He wanted to stay there forever.

Todd's evening meds were given IV. Finally, near nine o'clock at night Todd's eyes closed. Todd's body, as well as his mind, was asleep.

Sam insisted Viki go home for the night. He knew she had not gotten much sleep the night before.

"Sam, what if he comes out of it as Todd? You know he'll think I left forever if I'm not here."

"Viki, if you get sick you'll end up not being here for a lot longer than one night," Sam was firm.

Viki sighed. She knew Sam was right. She got her coat and bag. She walked over to Todd and kissed him on the forehead. "I'll see you tomorrow, baby. Sam will be here with you. I love you Todd." Viki kissed Sam goodnight and took one more look at Todd and left.

Todd's body was exhausted. He stayed asleep for the night.

Thomas was the one who woke up the next morning. A part of Sam was relieved it wasn't Todd. He knew how much Todd suffered every time he came back and he hated to see him go through it yet those thoughts made Sam feel very guilty.

Thomas was grumpy from the moment he opened his eyes. He finally went to play with the Lego Wild West System he had gotten on Todd's birthday. Terry came in to give him the Osmolyte. Thomas refused to go back to bed. Rather than make a big deal of it, Terry pulled a chair over to where he sat on the floor and fed him there.

Thomas flatly refused to stop playing when Frank came in to help him wash and dress.

"Come on, Boomer. Let Frank do his job and then you can play some more if you want to," Sam coaxed.

"NO! I don't care about his dumb job! I want him to go away." Thomas protested angrily and continued to build a fort.

Sam knew he was angry about something that had nothing to do with getting dressed. Sam took Frank aside. "Frank, I'm sorry. Can you try again a little later? I'll try to find out what's going on with him."

"Sure, no problem. "Don't worry about it. As long as he's like this, I'd rather wait for Susannah to come in anyway," Frank admitted.

Sam patted Frank on the shoulder and said, "Thanks." Bending down to where Thomas sat on his knees, Sam gently scolded, "Hey Boomer, you were a little rude to Frank. He was just trying to help you. Are you angry with Frank?"

Thomas ignored Sam and continued playing.

"Are you angry with me?" Sam tried.

Thomas still didn't answer.

"Okay bud, you play," Sam gave up for now. He patted Thomas' back and stood up.

Thomas continued to build the fort. Sam noticed Thomas seemed to have the fort just the way he wanted it when he suddenly got up and kicked the whole thing apart. "I HATE YOU!" he shouted. He was looking toward the wall as if he saw something or someone there. Thomas stomped over to the corner and flopped down cross-legged in front of it. His back stayed turned to Sam.

"Boomer, can you tell me what's wrong?" Sam knelt down next to Thomas and tried once again to find out what was going on with him. Sam put his arm around Thomas' shoulders. Thomas pulled away from him and said nothing.

"Okay, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to," Sam stepped away from him. He was greatly relieved to see Susannah come in. Frank has already filled her in on the behavior he witnessed.

"Thomas is very angry this morning," Sam informed her. Susannah noticed the Lego's that had been knocked over. CONTINUED IN PART B

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