"Where's Kevin?" Is he coming to see me?" They heard Timmy ask.

********************************************************************************************

Timmy literally jumped for joy when Viki told him that Kevin would be coming to see him a little later. Terry came in with the Osmolyte nutritional substitute. Timmy panicked at first. Sam sat near the headboard and held Timmy securely. He spoke comfortingly to him while Terry started the Osmolyte. Once Timmy realized it didn't hurt and he couldn't taste it, he calmed down.

"I can feel it going down. It tickles," Timmy told Sam, but didn't try to pull away.

Sam told Timmy a story while the feeding proceeded and Timmy fell asleep before the either the story or the feeding were finished. When the feeding was done Sam carefully stood up and laid Timmy on the bed. A little later, when Frank and Jeff came in, Susannah told them to let Timmy sleep and to wash and dress him later. Jeff stayed with Timmy and Susannah asked Viki and Sam to come to her office to discuss the latest developments.

"Dear Lord Susannah, six more of them. Two sets of twins and a . . . a what . . . a father?" Viki tried to find the words. She couldn't fathom what she had just witnessed.

"Do you think this means he's getting worse?" Sam asked nervously.

"No. Sam, these alters have probably been with Todd all along. Goodone is most likely, whom Todd is with when he's hiding . . . how much do either of you know about Todd going to a summer house to find his mother?" This had been preying on Susannah's mind ever since the twins came out earlier that day.

Viki began to tell Susannah all she knew. "Several years ago Todd escaped from prison and took a young girl, Rebecca Lewis, hostage. He took her to a summerhouse in the woods in upstate New York. As far as I know this house belonged to Charles Heath, Todd's stepfather. It seems Todd ran away from summer camp and took a bus. Then he walked for miles and miles through the woods until he found the house. His mother kept him for a few days and then sent him back to Peter. That was the last time Todd saw her. Or at least that was the last time Todd remembers seeing her. The next time was probably when Jimmy saw her at the house in Chicago." Viki paused to wipe away the tears that had filled her eyes.

"Viki, I know this is difficult for you. Do you need a few minutes?" Susannah offered.

"No. Thank you. I'm fine. I want to make sure you know what you need to know," Viki insisted and continued. "Bo was the one who filled me in on all this. He and Powell Lord went out there to rescue Rebecca. Todd begged Rebecca to shoot him. She refused. He was about to kill himself and Rebecca when Bo and Powell showed up. Todd and Bo struggled with the gun. Todd was shot. He deliberately threw himself into the river and was presumed dead." Viki had stopped crying as she finished. Her trembling hands gave away her anguish.

Sam and Susannah shook their heads. "Has there been one minute of his life when he wasn't suffering?" Sam asked, rhetorically.

"Todd has never spoken to me about this," Viki informed Susannah.

"Sam, has Todd ever spoken with you about it?" Susannah inquired.

"No, never. This is the first I've heard about it," Sam replied. Sam felt guilt wash over him. I should have known about it. I should have been there for him, Sam thought.

"I remember reading about Todd's capture in Western New York but I don't recall any mention of it being in his stepfather's house," Susannah thought out loud.

Susannah sat back in her chair and thought back on all she had learned from the alters. She theorized out loud for Sam and Viki's benefit. "So from what the twins and Goodone said, I believe that Todd thought if he found his mother he would be safe and she would keep him forever."

"And she turned him away and sent him back to Peter," Sam stated bitterly.

"Todd must have been devastated," Viki declared and then added, "I know Barbara was horribly abused herself. I can only imagine the terror she felt. But my God! She had her second husband with her at this point. How in God's name could she have told that child that while she wasn't brave enough to go back to Peter he was? How could she send him back to the torture she knew he was being subjected to?"

Viki started to weep as she continued trying to understand how a mother could do what Barbara Manning did. "I don't understand how she could live with herself knowing she escaped but her child was still there? How could she tell him she wouldn't keep him? How could she look into those eyes and tell him that!"

"Viki, I don't know. From the things Todd and the others told me I could only guess that Barbara was mentally ill herself. Then the years of abuse took their toll. She may never have been a strong person. She put up with years of abuse before they adopted Todd. From the things Andy said Barbara might have also had a dissociative disorder herself. I do know that Todd had to have been severely traumatized to have split into at least four more alters on that day. Todd must have realized his last chance to safety had vanished. He probably also realized his mother's love had limits. One of the twins, Scared I believe, said, 'It's cause he don't want us to. No one wants to be our daddy.' I suspect he was referring to his stepfather. Sometimes I am in awe of Todd. I have spent my career working with DID patients. Most of them have lived through things no one should ever have to live through . . . but Todd . . . I have to admit, I don't know how he survived," Susannah confessed sadly.

"What must it be like in there, in that mind? What does this make . . . eighteen alters that we know of so far? How can anyone exist like that?" Sam stated more than asked.

"Todd was a child with a brilliant, creative mind," Susannah explained, "for whom virtually every waking and sleeping moment was filled with terror and pain. He was a child who had absolutely no one in his corner and no one to turn to, except in his own mind. In his mind he had Goodone and Miss Perkins and Carol. He had his hiding place. The one safe place he could go to while the other children felt the pain that was intended for him. No one could have lived Todd's life without some kind of escape and not gone completely insane or died. Todd saved himself, when there was no one to save him. He loved himself when he had no one to love him. Did you notice the way Todd held himself when Braver was comforting Scared? That is a positive thing. That is the second incident of self-soothing I have witnessed. Todd has learned to comfort himself from within his system. He has always been able to hear some of the alters. That is also a positive thing. I am hoping, eventually, Todd will be able to communicate with all the alters."

"Susannah, Todd is terrified when he hears the alters. He will do anything to stop the noise in his head. He usually dissociates because he hears them. How would hearing them be beneficial to him?" Sam asked.

"Eventually he has to learn to communicate with them in order to control them. They will always be a part of Todd. Right now they are in control. Some of them are not actively controlling Todd. For instance, some of them don't try to come out. They don't really have the control over it. Some of them do force their way out. Some use intimidation. They make Todd's head hurt or shout at him. Todd has to learn to control all of them. He has to learn how to accept his feelings and not dissociate. He has to remember the memories that go with those feelings." Susannah explained for clarity.

"Todd doesn't seem to be any closer to doing that then he was when he was first diagnosed," Sam stated.

"He's not. I wish I could tell you otherwise, but he's not, Susannah admitted and continued. Some of it has to do with the fact that his therapy has been interrupted so often because of his physical condition. Much of it has to do with his own terror of and resistance to remembering and accepting his feelings. Todd will do anything to keep from remembering. It may not always seem that way . . . we are dealing with a very strong mind. The very same strong mind that enabled Todd to survive also enables him to be extremely resistant."

"Like the blindness or the Baby or shutting down completely," Viki listed some of Todd's ways of resisting therapy.

"Yes, exactly. There is just so far that I can push Todd before it backfires. I am going to try to get him to come out more though. I was hoping the memory trace alter, if there is one, would have shown up by now?"

"Memory trace alter?" Sam was puzzled.

Yes, that is usually a passive alter who has a more or less complete memory of the DID patient's life," Susannah explained.

"Isn't that the gatekeeper?" Sam still didn't understand.

"No, the gatekeeper is the one who decides who comes and goes in the system. Now, other helper alters can help Todd and the others to come forward and go back inside. For instance, Goodone may be able to assist Todd in coming forward and keep him safely inside when it becomes necessary. As he mentioned, he may also have the power to put Todd to sleep and wake him up when he deems it necessary. That is why he's most likely the primary internal self-helper. I don't think Goodone has the power to decide who might be complete removed or added to Todd's system. That would be the job of the gatekeeper. The gatekeeper can see to it that an alter, like Andy, becomes dormant for some reason. Goodone would also function as a caretaker alter. He is a father to Todd and some of the children. Apparently Carol is also a caretaker alter. If she serves any other function . . . well, we don't know that yet. Miss Perkins seems to be strictly a caretaker alter."

"Dear Lord! Todd's case is so much more complicated than mine was," Viki acknowledged.

"Viki, I'm afraid it is. Todd's system is extremely complicated. I've a feeling we're just touching the surface," Susannah sighed.

"All those alters in just a day or two. Todd must have been totally devastated by Barbara's rejection," Sam stated. Tears welled up in his eyes.

The incident at his stepfather's summer house apparently caused major trauma to Todd," Susannah agreed.

"Barbara took away his last shred of hope," Sam said, angrily.

Susannah nodded in agreement and went on. "I'm not sure if Goodone existed before that incident. Todd has split off different factions of his alters. Some have no knowledge of the others and some, like Andy and Thomas, seem to be known by everyone. The important thing about Goodone is that he is the one who is in contact with Todd when he's inside. It is imperative that Goodone learns to trust us enough to encourage and assist Todd in coming forward."

"At least we know that Todd is feeling love and comfort when he goes away," Viki said wistfully.

"Yes," Susannah confirmed, "That is very important. Todd would have been destroyed long ago if he wasn't getting those needs met somehow. Todd never had the nurturing that children need. Peter would not and, for the most part, Barbara could not nurture him. Todd learned to nurture himself. Until his blindness he has never allowed anyone to do it for him. Perhaps that is another reason why he is staying blind."

"You mean because he is allowing us to hold him and take care of him since his blindness?" Sam posed.

"Exactly. In some ways his regression is not a good thing and in some ways it is. It is allowing him to accept the nurturing he would otherwise shun."

"Is he still in physical danger?" Viki asked.

"His electrolytes are in the normal range and the Osmolyte should keep them that way and should put some weight on him and take care of his nutritional needs. I want you both to realize that if after a month to six weeks we still can't get him to eat he may have a PEG tube, a more permanent feeding tube, put into his abdomen. "

"A PEG tube?" Viki sounded frightened.

"Percutaneous Endoscopic Gastrostomy tube. It goes directly into the stomach. I'm hoping it doesn't come to that because it's a more difficult procedure than the NG tube. Let's not borrow trouble. If and when that becomes necessary we'll go over the details then," Susannah stated.

Sam's cell phone rang. It was Bo. He had some news from Chicago. He asked Sam to come to his office. He told him Tea was also on her way. Sam left immediately and Viki and Susannah headed back to Todd's room.

Timmy was awake. Terry told them he was in the bathroom with Frank and Jeff getting washed and dressed. After about ten minutes they came out of the bathroom. Timmy's hair was still damp from being washed. He was happy to see Viki and Susannah sitting there and sat on the floor between them.

"How's my beautiful boy?" Viki asked as she took Timmy's freshly washed and shining face in her hands. She kissed his forehead.

Timmy smiled and reached up for a hug.

"Would you like me to brush your hair out for you?" Viki offered.

"Okay," Timmy answered.

Viki was in the middle of brushing his hair when Kevin showed up.

"KEVIN! KEVIN!" Timmy shouted with joy and ran to Kevin to give him a hug.

"How's my bestest buddy?" Kevin put his arm around Timmy's shoulders as he asked him that.

"I get to go to Doctor Hanen's office and the art room later cause I feel better."

"Wow! They're practically giving you the run of the place."

Timmy giggled, then noticing a bag Kevin was holding, Timmy asked, "What's in there?"

"Oh I just happen to bring a present for someone in this room. Let's see who could it be?" Kevin teased. He looked at Timmy's big eyes staring at him and continued his good-natured teasing. "Hmmm, it's for someone who's very brave and good and is my very bestest friend."

"Me?" Timmy asked shyly.

"You bet you, buddy," Kevin finally admitted. He smiled and held the bag up.

"Can I see! Can I see!" Timmy begged as he jumped up and down.

Kevin took the talking Mr. Potato Head out of the bag.

"Oooh, I don't have this. Thank you," Timmy said. He hugged Kevin again.

"There's something else," Kevin said as he reached into the bag and took out a dish and bowl set. The bottom of each was colorfully painted with pictures of birds. "These are special just for you. Do you know what makes the birds sing?"

Timmy shook his head.

"When you eat all the food off the plate and out of the bowl the birds will sing." Kevin turned to Susannah and asked, "Can he eat something now?"

"Sure can," Susannah answered.

"I'll be right back," Kevin stated to Timmy. He started to leave to go get the ice cream he left in the pantry freezer.

"No Kevin! Don't go 'way," Timmy cried out. He grabbed Kevin's arm.

"I'm only going to the pantry to get some ice cream. I know I love ice cream a whoooole lot, do you?"

"I love ice cream a whoooole lot too," Timmy copied the exact way Kevin said it.

"I got some to put in your new bowl and try it out, so I'm just going to the pantry to get it."

"I wanna go with you," Timmy pleaded.

Kevin looked toward Susannah. She nodded.

"Okay buddy. I got enough for everyone so you can help me carry everything back."

"I can't believe how good Kevin is with him." Susannah said to Viki after Kevin and Timmy left the room.

"I am very proud of Kevin. Not to make light of Clint's upbringing of the boys but Joe, Kevin's biological father, was like that. He would be the first to admit if he misjudged someone and then go out of his way to make it up to them. I always knew if Kevin could get past all that anger, sibling rivalry and resentment he felt for Todd his good heart and sense of fairness would come shining through," Viki proudly stated.

Kevin came in carrying some plastic bowls and spoons and Timmy was in charge of carrying the half-gallon of ice cream that Kevin bought. "So, who wants vanilla and who wants chocolate and who wants strawberry?" Kevin inquired.

When Timmy didn't answer, Susannah and Viki spoke up. Susannah chose strawberry and Viki vanilla.

After scooping out theirs Kevin announced, "Well, I am going to have chocolate, my very favorite flavor."

"My very favorite flavor too," Timmy copied. He looked adoringly at Kevin.

It was obvious to everyone, including Kevin that Timmy idolized him and wanted to be just like him. Kevin had never known anyone who tugged at his heart the way Timmy did. Kevin scooped some chocolate ice cream into Timmy's new bowl and some into his own bowl. Kevin pressed a timer button on the bottom of the bowl several times for each five minute increment.

Timmy took the bowl and wanted to know, "When do the birds sing?"

"You have to finish the food in the bowl first. Then, when you do, the birds are so happy that they sing," Kevin informed him.

Timmy started to slowly eat the ice cream.

Knowing just how slowly Timmy ate; Kevin had set the timer on the bottom of the bowl for thirty minutes. He guessed right. Timmy was just finishing up his last spoonful when the birds started singing. They all smiled at the wondrous expression on Timmy's face.

"How did the birds know when it was all gone?" Timmy asked in amazement.

"They are very smart birds. Almost as smart as you," Kevin replied as he tapped Timmy's nose with his index finger. Kevin put his arm around Timmy's shoulders.

"You see," Kevin continued, "if you finish all the food in the bowl or on the plate you can get the birds to sing. The thing to remember is you have to finish the food first."

"Can I have lunch and dinner and breakfast in this bowl?" Timmy begged.

"You sure can. You can have all your meals in that bowl or on that plate," Susannah agreed happily.

Timmy headed over to look at his new talking Mr. Potato Head.

Viki walked over to Timmy and kissed his head. She then walked to where Kevin stood watching Timmy enjoy his present. Viki hugged Kevin and kissed him on the cheek. "Where on earth did you ever find that?"

"In a novelty shop on Market Street. As soon as I saw it I thought of Timmy."

Viki kissed Kevin again and stroked his cheek. "Do you know how much I love you?"

"I know mom, I know." Kevin smiled at his mother.

Téa had already gotten to Bo's office by the time Sam got there.

Bo began as soon as Sam arrived. "I heard from Bill Jackson. He got Doctor Evans to admit that Barbara told him Peter had beaten and molested Todd."

"How did he do that! Evans was adamant about not admitting any wrongdoing?" Sam couldn't believe Bill had been able to do that.

"You'd be surprised at what a little police pressure will do," Bo responded.

"Will he testify to it?" Téa asked.

"Bill got an affidavit. He also got two of Todd's teachers to agree to testify if necessary," Bo was happy to give them some good news for a change.

"It looks like we went to the right person," Téa stated.

"This is definitely good news. Unfortunately it still is a long way from proving Todd didn't swing that bat," Bo pointed out, then he asked, "Sam, what did Todd look like when he was fourteen?"

"What do you mean? He looked like a kid," Sam replied and then looked off into space for a moment as he remembered fourteen year old Todd. Sam then continued, "He didn't look much different from the way he looks now. Smaller of course and his hair was shorter."

"How small? I mean was he big or small for his age?" Bo pushed.

"Small. Todd didn't start filling out until he was about sixteen," Sam answered. He wasn't sure what Bo was getting at.

"It is possible that they can tell from the angle and the force of the blow to Michelle's skull the approximate size of the killer. Peter was what . . . six three . . . six four maybe, about two ten . . . two twenty in weight?"

"About that," Sam confirmed.

"And Todd was what in those days?" Bo continued his questions.

Sam pictured fourteen year old Todd once again. Tears sprang to his eyes. Sam cleared his throat as his voice choked up with the memory of what a slight, fragile child Todd was in most ways. "He was about five foot three or four and about one hundred and ten pounds dripping wet. It was through sheer will and determination that Todd was already such a good football player. On the field you'd think he was a giant. He shot up in height and started to bulk up when he was sixteen. He started to work out then too. In fact he would lift weights until his hands bled. Todd never did anything half way," Sam informed Bo.

"It doesn't seem to me that a small, thin boy would be able to wield the bat with as much force as a tall two hundred and ten pound adult would," Bo theorized.

"My God! Why didn't we think of that?" Téa declared.

"It just occurred to me after I spoke with you both on the phone. It was something Bill said one of Todd's teachers said to him. One of them mentioned what a slight boy Todd was in those days. That got me thinking," Bo explained.

"Thank you Bo," Téa said, taking Bo's hand. Then she added, "I knew that you could be fair about Todd."

"I guess there's a lot about Todd that the people in this town don't know," Bo admitted. CONTINUED IN PART B

This page hosted by Get your own FREE Home Page