Like Sam and Viki, Susannah wanted nothing more than to protect Todd and the others from any further pain and suffering, yet she didn't have that luxury. She knew that what she needed to do for them and to them would cause them incredible pain and suffering. Susannah knew she had to put aside her personal feelings and do what she needed to do to help this patient. She knew that she had to be strong enough to watch him suffer, temporarily, if that what it would take to give him his life back.

"Back," she said out loud, realizing the irony of what she had thought. He was never given the opportunity to have a life in the first place. Todd's suffering had begun at birth. "You will have a life Todd, a life in which you will be whole and the pain will stop. I promise you," Susannah said out loud.

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Viki and Sam never had an argument before. Up until this point, they had been in complete agreement about Todd's treatment. Sam had his doubts about some things, like hypnosis; however, he came to the conclusion that Viki was right in letting Susannah follow her treatment plan. However, Sam could not agree with this.

"Viki, you can't seriously be considering letting Susannah take Todd to that lodge. Do you want him to relive finding Georgie's body and carrying it out to the woods! So much of what's wrong with him now started that night!" Sam angrily protested.

"Sam, Todd's problems didn't start that night. They started when he was given to Peter Manning."

Sam knew what Viki had just said was true, but he also knew that Todd was at least functioning before this whole Georgie thing had started. Sam was overwhelmed with guilt. In addition to the guilt he always felt over not rescuing Todd when he was a child, he still felt responsible for Todd being in the state he was in. Sam felt if he hadn't pushed him so hard, if he hadn't tried to force Todd into remembering what happened on the night of his fourteenth birthday, he would not have had such a complete break with reality. Intellectually, Sam understood that Todd's personality shattered long before he ever met him. He realized that this probably would have happened to him sooner or later, however, emotionally, Sam's heart was filled with guilt, and no words from Viki or Susannah could ease the pain Sam felt whenever he thought about that night, but from the knowledge that he missed it. The instincts he lived by had failed him. He allowed Todd, day after day, to go home to unspeakable torture. He allowed this child, whom he loved every bit as much as his biological children, to be beaten, burned and sexually abused over and over again and he did nothing to stop it. He wondered how many times Todd had prayed that his friend Sam would save him. How many times had hope died in Todd's eyes and heart when, after being with Sam, he had to watch him go home to his "real" children, while he had to go home to Peter Manning.

"I am not saying that I'm going to allow Susannah to do this," Viki was saying, "I need to think it over. I am saying that I trust Susannah's judgment and that I can see that there might be a connection between Georgie and that poor little girl who disappeared. I never could understand why Todd was so obsessed with Georgie Phillips. Right now I don't know what to do and I don't want to be pressured by you or Susannah," Viki declared, as tears filled her eyes.

Sam could not even imagine how Viki would feel if she agreed to this and something were to happen to Todd. Sam always knew he loved Todd. Now, at this moment, he realized he also loved Viki and did not want her to suffer any more than he wanted Todd to. He knew that if Viki made the wrong decision, she would suffer for the rest of her life.

Viki decided she needed to see Todd. She needed to look into her brother's eyes. She needed to be with Todd.

Todd opened his eyes but did not even bother to look around to see where he was. He thought he was in bed but he wasn't sure. He no longer had any desire to know or to look at the world outside the window. He just stared ahead. He wanted to get up but just couldn't get his body to work up the energy to do so. He felt like he weighed a thousand pounds and could not lift himself from the bed. His mind was virtually void of thoughts that pertained to anything from his past. He was thirsty but did not have the energy to ask for water. He felt confused. He was not really sure where he was. He started to get frightened. His mind, which had been blank just a few moments before, was now starting to fill with intrusive frightening thoughts. What if no one knows I'm here and I can't not call out? What if I'm so far from . . . from who?

He could see the faces of the people he wanted to be with but couldn't really remember who they were. They all seemed so far away. He had never felt like this before. He wanted to shout out but he couldn't make his body work. He couldn't get his eyes to focus. He did not see Viki come into the room, nor did he feel her take his hand into hers or feel her other hand as she stroked his hair.

"Todd. Todd, it's Viki. Can you hear me? Baby, please, answer if you can hear me."

Susannah told Viki that Todd was completely shut down, but Viki wasn't prepared for this. She and Sam had visited with Tom yesterday. He had drawn a picture of a puppy for them. He even told them a silly joke he heard on a cartoon show. She remembered how thrilled she and Sam were to see him smile. He had even eaten some of the pizza and ice cream she and Sam brought for him.

She looked down at her brother. Todd did not look well. Since he had been in the hospital he was not eating much. In fact Tom and Miss Perkins and Rodd were the only ones who would eat more than a couple of bites of food. Even before Todd had stopped eating completely, he had lost interest in it, along with everything else. The others were too upset most of the time to want to eat. Todd had lost a lot of weight on his already thin body and he was so pale. Susannah told Viki she might have to order a feeding tube for him. She said he was slightly anemic, but now he looked nearly as white as the bed sheets.

"Todd, please talk to me. I know you're in there. Todd!" Viki pleaded. She turned his face towards hers. Todd did not make eye contact with her. He just stared off into space, trapped in his own world. Viki was wondering if she should try to contact one of the alters. Perhaps Miss Perkins could tell her why this was happening to Todd. Why now? "Todd I love you so much. I wish Father had given you to me to raise. I never would have let anyone hurt you this way."

Viki continued to stroke his head. Tears trickled down her cheeks. Todd felt his sister's tears land on his face. "Don't cry Viki. I don't want you to be sad."

Todd looked around, not recognizing his own voice. Startled, Viki smoothed his hair and looked into his eyes. They were starting to focus on her face and then started to become blank again. "No! Todd, don't do that! Don't go back to that place. Baby, please stay with me. Todd look at me!" Viki turned his face towards her with one hand on either side of his cheeks. Todd blinked several times, like someone just woken up from a deep sleep.

Finally he made eye contact with Viki. She could tell he knew she was there. He looked at her and tears started rolling down his face. "I don't want to be here," Todd cried.

"Sweetheart, I know you hate being in the hospital but it won't be for much longer. Susannah thinks that . . ."

"No!" Todd cut her off. "Not the hospital, I don't want to be here, on earth. I don't want to be here anymore. Viki, please help me!"

Viki was stunned. Was Todd asking her to help him die?

Stroking his head, she spoke softly and soothingly to him. "Todd, I know everything seems hopeless now. You feel as if the suffering everyone is putting you through in order to help you will never end. You feel as if you will be caught in this forever, losing time, then coming back to more pain, more fear. I know that you wish you could just go away and stay away. You might not believe me right now, but sweetheart, I swear to you it can get better. It will get better. All the things that are so frightening to remember won't seem so bad once you've looked at them. Remembering the bad things takes some of their power away. They won't be able to frighten you so much. They won't make you so sad that you think dying is the only way to get away from them."

"Todd" reached up and took Viki's hand. "Mommy?"

Viki recognized Timmy's voice. "Hi sweetheart. It's Viki. I'm right here with you. I'm not going away."

"How come Todd is so sad?"

Timmy surprised Viki with this question. "Well, Todd is in a lot of pain and he's very frightened," Viki answered, as best as she could.

"I help Todd. I go upstairs with daddy so he don't have to. I wish none of us had to get hurt," Timmy confessed, looking into Viki's eyes with his own sad and innocent ones.

"I wish none of you ever had to get hurt either," Viki confirmed, her voice broken with emotion.

"Todd is hiding. It's hard to find him when he hides inside. Will you tell me a story?" Timmy requested.

Viki sat with her back to the headboard and Timmy's head resting on her left shoulder. She put her arm around him and hugged him to her, occasionally stroking his hair back as she thought about the story she would tell him. As usual, Timmy felt comfort in Viki's touch. His body started to relax and he snuggled against her as she began the story.

"Once there was a very brave little boy. Unfortunately, he was locked in a tower and couldn't find his way out. One day he found a secret tunnel that led to these three different pathways, but no matter which way he went there was something very scary in his way. On one side there was a very nasty crocodile . . ."

"With real big teeth!" Timmy added.

"Yes, with real big teeth," Viki smiled and continued, only stopping to kiss Timmy's forehead.

"On the other side there was a very deep river and the little boy was afraid he wasn't a good enough swimmer to get through it. There was one path that the little boy knew led to a world where little children were safe and happy and no one ever hurt them."

"How come he didn't go out that way?" Timmy asked.

"Because that path was very dark and scary and the little boy was afraid to take it. One day he felt very brave and took a few steps down the path and . . ."

"Did he get eaten by a monster?" Timmy asked Viki. His eyes were as big as saucers.

"No, he discovered that the path wasn't as scary as it looked. And with every step he took the path got lighter and less scary. Finally, one day he was able to see aaaall the way to the end of it. And when he did, he saw all the children playing in sun, and not being afraid or hurt by anything."

"Did he get to the outside too, so he could play in the sun too?" Timmy asked, yawning.

"He did! He walked all the way to the end of the path and joined the other children. He left the tower forever and never had to go back again. He was able to spend the rest of his life playing in the sun. No one ever hurt him again and he never had to be afraid again."

"That's a good story," Timmy said, barely able to keep his eyes open. "Tom and Jimmy were listening. Is that okay?"

Smiling, and kissing his forehead again, Viki assured him, "That is very okay." In a few minutes Timmy was sound asleep. Viki moved away slowly. She gently rested his head on the pillow and pulled the blanket up around him. She looked down at him and knew he and the others had to be given their chance to heal, whatever it took. If there was a chance that it would help them, it had to be tried. Viki went to see if Susannah was still in her office. She had made her decision.

TO BE CONTINUED

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