Susannah released her hold on his head. It fell to the side. She reached out and brushed back his hair, which had completely covered his face. "Shhhh, it's all right Pete. No one is going to hurt you. You're safe here." "I'm strong. I won't let him hurt me. He never hurt me. He never hurt me." Pete's could no longer shout. His words slurred as he said this to himself.

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Four weeks had passed since Pete tried to leave the hospital. Susannah had sessions with Tom, Timmy, Miss Perkins, Jimmy and Rodd. Tom told her about finding his dog, Randy, dead, at the foot of the water heater. Timmy reveiled that Peter didn't always wait for bath time to "play the game" with him. Peter would sometimes come into the child's room at night to punish him for whatever imagined crime his twisted mind came up with. Many of these nights would end with Peter dragging Timmy to the kitchen for the rest of his punishment. Timmy told Susannah how happy he was when Tom came to help Todd too, and though he still had to "play the game," he didn't have to get dragged to the kitchen anymore.

Miss Perkins had gone into more details of how she came to be "a mother" to these boys, after their own mother had abandoned them. She explained how easy it was for her to come out the day Todd discovered the note his mother left him. She told Susannah how Todd just sat there, with the note in his hands. He just stared at it, for hours, not quite able to comprehend what had happened. It was after Peter came home and told Todd, "That whore who calls herself your mother won't ever be coming back again. She left you, forever," that Miss Perkins was "born." She went on to explain, "Oh, Todd stayed away for months after that incident. I had to take his place."

That explains what Todd's fourth grade teacher meant when he said that Todd suddenly lost all interest in anything that required physical ability, like gymnastics. It also explains the impression of a "little old lady," that his teacher had of him, Susannah thought to herself.

Miss Perkins went on to say, "Of course, the children did come out occasionally. Unfortunately, I'm afraid they were almost as upset as Todd was, so, it was pretty much left up to me to do what had to be done. Sitting in a classroom day after day pretending to be 'one of the children' was especially difficult." Miss Perkins sighed and then continued. "However, one does have to make sacrifices for one's children. Oh, I realized they are not really my children, but I am as close to a mother as they have. I would be able to keep Tom and Timmy calm for hours when they were inside. They loved to hear about my life before I came to live with them and about my own family. I wanted them to know that parents can be kind and affectionate and loving. The only thing those poor boys had to associate with human touch was pain." Then Miss Perkins had excused herself and had gone inside to rest. Rodd, always the gentleman, stepped out in her place.

"Oh, that Miss Perkins is a lovely woman, yes. A little old fashioned and strict, but she loves us. Do you know how many nights she stayed up watching over everyone? I know that is one of the reasons my family leaves me here, why they don't come for me. It is not that they don't love me. It is that they know Miss Perkins is here to take care of us."

Susannah thought to ask him how "his family" would know such a thing, but she knew, for now, he could be allowed to keep his "happy family" memories intact. Susannah asked Rodd if he had known Michelle. He said he never heard of Michelle, although, he would be more than happy to meet her. She asked him what he was doing the night Todd found Georgie at the lodge.

"Doctor Hanen," Rodd answered, "I do not concern myself with those messy parts of Todd's life. No, those things are too distasteful to even speak about. I did hear about all those people being taken hostage." Rodd shook his head. "What a terrible thing do. I'm sure Pete had a lot to do with it. What can you expect from someone who treats our beautiful Tea the way he does? Some day, when you make Todd well, I will be free. I will treat Tea the way she should be treated."

"What about Todd?" Susannah asked, "Rodd, if Todd is well don't you think he will want to be with Tea?"

Rodd smiled a sad smile. "Doctor Hanen, forgive me for saying this. I'm afraid I don't think you can ever get Todd that well. Sane, maybe yes. Happy, able to give love, I don't think so. I know what it is like to be loved, to be part of a family that thrived on love. Todd, no. He only knows hate."

"What about his mother?" Susannah asked, "Did his mother love him?"

Rodd looked Susannah in the eye. "You tell me Doctor Hanen. Was that love? I know the poor woman was weak, but would you let someone you love be treated like that? My mother would have swum across the Atlantic if she thought I was being treated the way Todd was. My mother knew I was worth loving."

"You don't think Todd is worth loving?" Susannah pressed.

"That is not for me to say. I don't judge Todd, I don't even resent him," Rodd leaned closer to Susannah and whispered, "like Pete does. You should watch out for Pete. He is full of resentment." Rodd then looked around nervously, afraid he'd been overheard. "Lovely as always Doctor Hanen, but I'm afraid I must go now." With that Rodd left and Todd returned for one of the rare appearances he made.

What concerned Susannah the most was that Todd, on those rare days he would be there, was more shut down and withdrawn then ever. His depression increased every time he surfaced. He was retreating into his own, safe, world. He wasn't anywhere any of the alters, including Miss Perkins could find him. He seldom made eye contact with Susannah, Sam or Viki anymore and his verbal contact was at a minimum. In the few sessions he was present for, he barely spoke a complete sentence. He just stared out the window. Susannah would have to, literally, turn his face towards hers to get him to realize she was even in the room. Trying to get him to answer any questions was useless. He either couldn't or wouldn't talk. He stopped eating completely, and would only take some water if someone held a cup to his lips. He had no interest in keeping himself dressed or clean.

The only thing he wanted was more blankets or warmer clothes and even these he would not ask for. He would just wrap his arms around his torso and rock back and forth and say to himself, "I'm cold. I'm cold." Todd would walk if someone led him along, holding on to his arm. If they stopped, Todd would just stand at the spot they left him, without moving.

"My God, Susannah, it's like he's not even alive anymore. It's as if this beating heart is in an empty shell," Sam declared. Sam's face and voice were filled with anger, anger at Susannah, anger at what life had done to Todd, most of all anger at himself. At this point Susannah was relieved that Todd was hiding inside most of the time. His agony was too great when he was out.

What also concerned Susannah was that Jimmy had made several appearances. During three of the sessions Susannah had with him, he had spoken about how much he missed his mother. He admitted that he wanted to reunite with her, desperately. He clearly understood she was dead. He stated that he believed she was waiting for him. Susannah asked him if he ever heard his mother talking to him or asking him to come to her. Jimmy became very uncomfortable and changed the subject. After each of those sessions he had tried to get through the window. He banged on the glass so hard that his hands were covered in bruises and he had to be heavily sedated and restrained. He had shrieked in pain, each time, when he felt everyone's hands on him. One time his pressure dropped so precipitously that he nearly went into shock.

It seemed the more depressed Jimmy became, the more depressed Todd became. Jimmy believed, with all his heart that his death would get him to his mother. Susannah knew as they got closer to their memories of what had happened to them, they might possibly start withdrawing or "acting out", but the reactions they were having were extreme.

Susannah tried prescribing a different antidepressant but it didn't alleviate Todd's or Jimmy's depression any better than the others had. Susannah believed that the biggest stumbling block was the one memory none of them could look at and that was what happened the night of Todd's fourteenth birthday. Susannah had even approached Miss Perkins about it. Knowing that Miss Perkins was the keeper of all the memories. She hoped that she had to have knowledge of that night. She explained to Miss Perkins how important it was to the welfare of all "her boys" that she share what she knows, but Miss Perkins said, "the vault is locked and I'm afraid I've lost the key." She then went on to talk about how happy her childhood had been and what a wonderful family she came from. Susannah knew she had to get the truth from Todd or Pete. They would be the ones to "unlock the vault."

Viki and Sam had gotten closer than either of them had ever anticipated. What had started out as mutual concern over someone they loved had turned to caring, then to companionship, and then to passion. Unfortunately, it was bittersweet, because always, front and center in their thoughts was what was happening to "their kid."

On days when the alters were out, at least communication was possible. When Miss Perkins or Rodd was out they could have conversations with them. Viki was surprised to find out that both Miss Perkins and Rodd knew how to cook. And quite well it seemed, from the way they described things. Rodd was always pleasant to be around and very grateful for his time out.

They would play games or do puzzles or watch television with Tom and bring him his favorite foods. They would read or tell stories to Timmy or he would draw pictures for them. Timmy always loved to be held, rocked and cuddled. He would snuggle close to them whenever they were near him. Even Jimmy would say a few words to them if they promised to keep their distance and not come near him. When Todd was there, there was no communication. His response to them was the same as to Susannah and the staff: nothing. Viki and Sam would hug him or stroke his hair or hold his hand. They got no response. If they turned his face towards theirs he just stared past them, not even feeling their touch.

"Have a seat. Can I get you anything?" Susannah asked Sam and Viki as they entered her office.

"No thank you," they both replied.

"Susannah I don't understand it. Todd was starting to improve. Why is he shutting down this way?" Viki asked, worriedly. This had not happened in her therapy and she was very frightened for her brother.

"I have never seen Todd like this. Not since that night I stopped him from killing Peter. He was like that then, looking right through me as if I wasn't there, but then the rage came. He didn't stay withdrawn," Sam added.

"Sam, in all likelihood, it was Pete who was feeling all that rage, not Todd. Todd once told me that when he was in ninth grade, he missed most of the semester from January to June. That would be right after his fourteenth birthday. Right after he tried to kill Peter. I believe the memories of what happened to him, the memories the alters have shared with me, are getting closer to Todd's cognitive memory. I think he is shutting down so he doesn't have to let them in. He wants to keep the vault sealed," Susannah explained.

"The vault?" both Sam and Viki asked at the same time.

Susannah smiled and told them, "that's what Miss Perkins calls the place they keep the memories of what happened to them."

"Well what happens if Todd is never ready to open 'the vault'? Will he stay like this forever or get worse, if that's possible?" Sam asked.

"I don't think that will happen," Susannah responded.

"You don't think," Sam replied sarcastically.

"Sam please," Viki pleaded. She put her hand on his arm.

Susannah understood how this was tearing Sam and Viki's heart out. "No, that's all right. I know how frightened you both are and I know that it seems Todd has lost all the progress he made, but I'm convinced that the biggest stumbling block is remembering what happened on his fourteenth birthday. Sam, you and everyone I've spoken with said that Todd changed radically after that night. I believe without a doubt that was when Pete came out for the first time. We know it could not have been just any sexual abuse that may have occurred, because most likely Peter had been sexually abusing Todd since he was four years old. I believe it was Michelle. I believe something happened with or to Michelle that night and Todd is the only one who knows what that was."

Susannah knew this might frighten and upset them even more. Still, she had to ask. "Viki, do you think I could get Asa's permission to take Todd to his lodge?"

"The lodge! Why the hell would you want to do that!" Are you trying to completely drive him over the edge?" Sam could not believe what he had just heard.

Neither could Viki. "Susannah, I really don't think that's a very good idea. Todd has nothing but bad memories associated with that lodge," Viki added.

"I realize that, but it is where Georgie died. I know there is some connection between Georgie and Michelle, at least in Todd's mind. I think being there will trigger a reaction from him," Susannah explained.

"I'll just bet it will! Are you using this as some sort of shock treatment?" Sam asked. He was horrified at the prospect of Todd reliving the night that he found Georgie. Sam turned to Viki. "Viki, you're not seriously thinking of letting her take him there?"

"Susannah, I know you have used hypnosis on some of the alters, but have you given it a try with Todd?" Viki was grasping at straws.

"Even if Todd would let me hypnotize him directly, without having to put one of the alters under first and then call Todd out, I couldn't now, not in the condition he's in. He is not even aware of someone being in the room with him. He is far too withdrawn for that.

Susannah leaned forward in her chair and spoke to them. "Look, I understand your reluctance about this. I can not promise you that it will help Todd. I can't even promise you that it won't do further damage. I am going on my instincts here. I believe that Todd or one of the others will make that connection between Georgie and Michelle, and yes, being there would be kind of like a shock treatment. Hopefully, it will jar Todd out of withdrawal and cause him to remember what happened. He would be sedated, just enough to take the edge off of his fear. I would be there and some of the staff would be there the whole time."

Susannah paused for a second and then continued. I was hoping that you both would be there too."

"Kind of like a little family outing, only one member of the family might be destroyed forever!" Sam did not even try to hide his disapproval.

"I know you both need time to think about this. Why don't you take a day or two and let me know what you have decided," Susannah said kindly.

Susannah knew as upset as Viki and Sam were when they came into her office, they were now frantic. She hated to put Viki in that position. She knew if something went wrong, Viki would never forgive herself. Susannah also knew if something went wrong, she would never forgive herself either. She desperately wanted to do what was right for Todd and she truly believed this to be right.

Now, Sam had put some doubts in her mind. Susannah hated that. She always trusted her instincts. She had never done anything that harmed a patient and she certainly didn't want to start with Todd. For the first time Susannah was doubting her on objectivity. She had grown to care very much about Todd. It wasn't that she didn't care about all her patients. She had cared very much about Viki. This was different. Todd had gotten to her.

Susannah never married or had a child of her own. She loved Rachel very much, but had not been especially close to her or to any other child, in her personal life. Like Sam and Viki, Susannah wanted nothing more than to protect Todd and the others from any further pain and suffering, yet she didn't have that luxury. She knew that what she needed to do for them and to them would cause them incredible pain and suffering. Susannah knew she had to put aside her personal feelings and do what she needed to do to help this patient. She knew that she had to be strong enough to watch him suffer, temporarily, if that what it would take to give him his life back.

"Back," she said out loud, realizing the irony of what she had thought. He was never given the opportunity to have a life in the first place. Todd's suffering had begun at birth. "You will have a life Todd, a life in which you will be whole and the pain will stop. I promise you," Susannah said out loud.

TO BE CONTINUED

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