"Did you ever think you might have killed Georgie Phillips?" Susannah could see Todd's shoulders hunch and his entire body stiffen at the mention of Georgie. "No! I knew I didn't hurt Georgie. No matter what! I knew I would never have hurt Georgie, not like that!"

************************************************************************************************************

Susannah knew she had to get Todd to talk about what happened on the night of his fourteenth birthday. She knew that whatever happened that night was locked away in that mind, "in the vault", as Miss Perkins referred to it. She feared that Todd would never get well if he couldn't face what happened that night.

Susannah asked Frank and Jeff to wait outside Todd's room, in case he escalated. She realized it was Todd as soon as she entered his room. She could tell by his posture. He was staring out the window as usual.

"Todd, how are you today?" Susannah asked. When he didn't respond Susannah put her hand on his shoulder. "Todd, can you turn around and look at me?"

Startled, he spun around and said, "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you come in."

"That's okay," Susannah soothed. She knew his depression was increasing. The antidepressants weren't working. His profound sadness was not being alleviated. He was becoming more withdrawn by the day. It was getting harder to communicate with him. It was as if, as the alters opened up more, Todd was fading away.

"I thought we'd have our session in your room today. Let's sit down so we can talk," Susannah requested.

After hesitating for a minute Todd moved away from the window and sat on the bed. Susannah noticed that his movements were sluggish and his responses slow. It was as if his body, as well as his mind, was shutting down.

"Todd, you once mentioned that there was a girl in school who made you feel good about yourself. Could you tell me a little more about her? What was her name?" As Susannah asked this, she could see an immediate change in Todd. His entire body tensed up. She could see the panic in his eyes.

When Todd didn't respond to her question, Susannah pressed for a response. "Do you remember her name? Do you remember how old you were or what grade you were in when you met her?"

"Thirteen, I was in ninth grade," Todd finally replied.

"What was her name?"

"Michelle," Todd answered. He stared off into space.

"Can you tell me what Michelle was like?"

For a minute the tenseness left Todd's face and voice and he almost smiled as he described Michelle. "She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. She had long dark hair and these beautiful blue eyes, like the sky. When she would smile at me, I knew she meant it. I knew she wasn't pretending. She was so nice. I never felt stupid or like a loser around her. She never asked me about stuff. She would just spend time with me. Almost . . . almost. . ."

"Almost what, Todd?" Susannah gently prodded. Todd looked down toward the floor.

"Almost like she liked me," he responded shyly. He sounded slightly embarrassed.

"I'm sure she did like you," Susannah said, and then asked, "So were you and Michelle close friends?" Todd shrugged his shoulders. "Did the two of you hang out together?" Susannah continued.

"Some," Todd answered. "Did she come to your house?"

"No!" Todd was starting to get agitated. "We hung out at school together. My dad didn't like me having visitors."

"So Michelle never came to your house?" Susannah emphasized the word never.

"Okay, I don't want to talk about this anymore." Todd declared. He headed back to the window.

"Todd, it's all right to talk about it. I think it's important, for you to . . ."

"I said I don't want to talk about it anymore!" Todd hit his head into the window pain so hard the entire window shook.

"Todd, please come sit down and talk to me," Susannah urged.

"You've been talking to Sam, haven't you?" Todd accused.

"Sam did tell me that he came to your house one night and you were trying to kill your father. He mentioned that a girl named Michelle had been to your house that night. Do you remember that night? Do you remember Michelle coming to your house? Do you remember trying to kill your father?"

Todd spun around and looked pleadingly at Susannah. His eyes begged her to end this line of questioning. Susannah waited for a response. Todd sighed and turned back to the window. He stared out of it without saying a word. Susannah sat quietly and waited for him to respond

After more than fifteen minutes of staring out the window, Todd whispered. "It was my birthday, my fourteenth birthday. She brought me a cake. I didn't ask her to come. She just showed up. I didn't ask her to come! I didn't!" Todd sounded like asking her would have been a crime.

He continued."There was a knock on the door and there she was, smiling, carrying this cake. I didn't ask her to come!" Todd was still apologizing for her being there.

"Then what happened?" Susannah pushed.

"I let her in."

"I thought your father didn't want you to have friends over?"

"He wasn't home. He said he would be home really late that night. He said he had a date and he would be getting that bi . . . that woman into bed before the night was over."

"Did your father always tell you about his plans for his dates, about what he planned to do with them?" Susannah asked.

Todd shrugged again. "Usually, he was proud of it. It was about the only time he would talk to me and not yell at me. It was almost like he . . . I don't know . . . like he thought of me as a real person," Todd admitted wistfully.

"Did it ever make you uncomfortable to have your dad talk about his sex life with you?" Susannah inquired.

"Sometimes, especially when my mom was still alive. After my mom left, he would bring them to the house. I hated when the women would come to the house. Sometimes I would hear them and my dad together in his room."

Todd became visibly uncomfortable, however, he continued. "He would leave the door open a lot. He was always mean to them. Most of them never came back after a couple of times."

"In what way was he mean to them?" Susannah pressed.

"I guess he was doing stuff to hurt them. I would hear them cry out in pain."

"How did that make you feel?"

"Sorry for them . . . angry at them . . . I don't know."

"Why were you angry with them?" Susannah asked softly.

Todd thought for a moment, "Because they let him hurt them. Because they were in my mother's bed. Because they hated me."

"Why do you think they hated you?"

"Because that would make him like them better, the smart ones knew that. They knew if they laughed at me or made fun of me or if they were mean to me, he would like them better," Todd explained, showing little emotion.

"You also said you felt sorry for them, why would you feel sorry for them if they were mean to you?" Susannah pushed forward. "What were you doing while they were there?" Susannah asked.

"I would be in my room. I always had to stay in my room when they were there."

"What would you be doing in your room?"

"Trying not to listen. I used to put on headphones and listen to music but one time my dad came in and saw me with them and took them away and I wasn't allowed to play the music loud without them and . . ." Todd's breathing was becoming erratic. "The music . . . the music . . . the music would . . . I wanted to hear the music . . . loud. I wanted it to be loud . . . . I need to make it louder . . . . Please!"

Todd started to rock back and forth. Susannah could see his mind was taking him back to his bedroom in Chicago. "Todd, I want you to try to stay with me. Try to calm down. Take some deep breaths. You're not back in your house in Chicago. Look around. You're in your hospital room." Susannah tried to orient him.

The look of panic on Todd's face intensified. "Todd, just listen to my questions and try to answer them. Todd, are you with me?"

"Yeah," he answered weakly. Susannah and his hospital room were fading from his reality.

"Do you think your father deliberately wanted you to hear him with these women?" Susannah pressed.

"No, I don't . . . No! That's sick. H-he wouldn't . . . . No, it was . . . I don't know. I'm . . ."

"Of course he wanted him to hear it! He was Goddamn proud of being able to get all those whores into the sack," Pete laughed and then said, "Say what you will about Todd's old man. He was a damn good teacher when it came to that."

"Did you learn from him, Pete? Is that where you learned how a woman should be treated?"

Pete looked at Susannah and sneered. "They ask for it. They all do! It's like these women would come to our house and act real sweet, but then they couldn't wait to get away from Todd's dad," Pete replied, bitterly.

"Maybe it was because Todd's dad hurt them, and as Todd said, no one likes to be hurt." Susannah explained.

"Some people deserve to be hurt," Peter responded.

"What about Michelle, did she deserve to be hurt?"

Pete didn't answer.

"Did you know Michelle?" Susannah continued her questions.

"Yes."

"Did you consider her to be your friend too?"

"No! She was Todd's friend," Pete sounded angry.

"Pete, were you inside Todd, watching before you came out?"

"No." Pete answered.

This surprised Susannah. "How old was Todd when you came out for the first time?"

"Fourteen." Pete gave Susannah the answer she already knew.

"Pete, you seem to have knowledge of things that happened to Todd before he turned fourteen. If you weren't watching from inside how do you explain that?"

Pete started to walk around the room. He began to pick up some of the things that were out on the dresser and the table.

Susannah wondered if he was shutting down. Then he started to speak without any further prodding. "I don't know. I guess I can read his mind," Pete stated seriously. "I just know a lot of his memories."

"Did you come out on Todd's birthday?" Susannah asked. Pete picked up one of Timmy's stuffed animals and started tossing it in the air, like a ball. "Pete, was it the night of Todd's fourteenth birthday that you first came out?"

"Todd wanted to kiss her you know." Pete sounded like a child, "telling tales out of school."

"He wanted to kiss Michelle," Susannah restated for clarity.

"Yeah, Michelle. Todd wanted to kiss Michelle? He wanted to, but he was never man enough to do it. If I had been out there I wouldn't have had a problem," Pete bragged smugly.

"Did you come out before Michelle left that night?" Susannah asked, cautiously.

Without warning Pete threw the stuffed animal across the room and shouted, "I TOLD YOU I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT THAT NIGHT! DON'T MAKE ME HURT YOU, DOCTOR!"

"Pete, I know this is very painful for you to talk about and . . ."

Pete's voice became lower and more deliberate as he interrupted Susannah. "I told you I don't feel pain. Nothing hurts me, ever!"

Susannah tried a different approach. "All right, then I know it is hard for you to talk about this. I know a way you can talk about it and it won't be so hard for you. Pete, do you know what hypnosis is?"

Pete looked at her suspiciously. "Yeah, I know all about it. I seen it on television. It's like when someone makes a person do something stupid like think they're a chicken or something."

Susannah smiled. In so many ways Pete was still a child.

"Pete, that's only someone putting on a show. Hypnosis is just a way to help you relax and make it easier for you to remember things,"

"I already remember everything I want to remember," Pete announced. He picked up one of Tom's video games and looked at it.

Susannah didn't give up. "Well it would make it easier for you to talk about what you do remember,"

"I don't wanna about what I remember," Pete sounded anxious. He looked at Susannah for a moment and then looked away.

Susannah saw something she had not seen in Pete's usually cold eyes. She saw fear. Not the kind of terror the others had, but it was fear. "Pete, it doesn't hurt. All that happens is that I would talk to you and try to help you relax and calm down. There's nothing to be afraid of. Timmy and Tom and Jimmy have already been hypnotized and it didn't hurt them."

Pete continued to play with the video game and didn't answer.

"Pete, are you afraid? If you are you can tell me," Susannah assured him, gently.

Pete threw the game across the room so hard it hit the wall and shattered onto the floor. "I'm not afraid of you! I'm not afraid of anyone, especially some woman!" Pete insisted.

"Then why don't you come lay down on your bed and we'll try to get you relaxed."

"No!" Pete said adamantly.

"I thought you weren't afraid?" Susannah asked as she moved a couple of inches closer to him.

Pete faced her and looked her in the eye. "I'm not afraid of anything! I'll bet you can't hypnotize me anyway." Pete declared in a childlike way.

"Maybe not, why don't we try, as long as you're not afraid."

Pete looked away for a minute. Susannah could hear his heart pounding. His body was giving him away. Pete faced Susannah again.

"What would I have to do?" Pete asked cautiously.

Susannah walked to the bed and patted it. "Just come and lay down on your bed and close your eyes and listen to my voice."

Reluctantly, Pete laid down. He closed his eyes. Susannah could see his body was as taught as a wire.

"Okay Pete, I want you to relax your jaw." It took a full minute before Pete could do that. "That's it. Now relax your shoulders . . ." Susannah continued to speak soothingly. Finally it seemed as if Pete was going into a trance. "Okay Pete, I'm going to count to three and . . ."

All at once Pete's eyes flew open and he jumped off the bed. He looked confused, and disoriented. He backed himself against the wall. "You really don't think I'd let you do that to me! I told you I don't want to talk about things I remember. You can't make me. No one can make me!"

Susannah thought it was possible Pete had just been playing along with her, but more likely, he felt himself starting to go under and he fought back to maintain control.

"Pete I'm not going to force you to do anything you don't want to do," Susannah promised.

"No one can force me to do what I don't want to do. No one! I'm strong! I'm stronger than anyone! I can hurt you if I want to!"

Pete got close enough to Susannah for her to feel his breath. "I know you can, Pete. Do you want to?" Susannah asked.

"I should, you're keeping me locked in here. I hate being here." Pete said, as he started to pace.

"But you don't, do you Pete? You don't want to hurt me. Why do you think that is?" Susannah asked. "How the hell should I know! You ought to just be glad that I don't."

Susannah decided to go in a different direction. "Do I remind you of your mom?"

Susannah could see Pete's jaw clench. He grit his teeth. "I had no mom. I told you that. I TOLD YOU THAT! Are you stupid?! How many times do I have to tell you! I have no family. I never had a family. I always took care of myself! I don't need nobody! I didn't need Todd's mother or father! I don't need Sam and I don't need Viki and I don't need you! I don't . . . I want to get out of here!"

Pete ran from the room so suddenly and so quickly that he startled Frank and Jeff. They immediately tried to get him in a hold. Pete punched Jeff so hard he lay dazed on the floor. He kicked Frank hard enough to cause him to double over. Connie called a code. Dave, the other tech on duty, did not approach Pete.

Pete ran to the double doors that he knew led off the unit. He began kicking and punching and throwing his body against them, with all his fury.

"Get away from the doors Pete!" Dave spoke firmly.

"Pete, you're going to hurt yourself. You can't get through those doors. No matter how hard you try, they won't open." Susannah tried to get him to face the reality of the situation.

Pete just tried even harder. His knuckles were covered in blood from the force of his fists hitting the doors. He reopened his wounds. Four more techs and three nurses showed up. Dave joined them in a show of force. Susannah gave Nancy, another nurse, an order for a strong sedative.

"DON'T YOU BASTARDS COME NEAR ME! DON'T YOU COME NEAR ME! I'LL KILL YOU! GET AWAY!

"Pete! You need to calm down. If you can calm on your own no one will touch you. If you can't, we will have to keep you safe until you are calm." Susannah explained to him. Her voice was even and calm.

"NO! I HATE YOU! YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO. NO ONE MAKES ME DO ANYTHING. YOU CAN'T KEEP ME HERE. NOBODY KEEPS ME SOMEWHERE I DON'T WANT TO BE."

Jeff was in no condition to participate in the restraint. Frank, who had just gotten the air knocked out of him, joined the other eight techs and nurses and Susannah. They made their way closer to Pete.

"Pete! You're getting one more chance to calm down and go back to your room. If you can't do that we will help you," Susannah informed him firmly. Pete turned and tried to get out the doors again. They quickly moved in to restrain him.

"GET YOUR GODDAMN HANDS OFF OF ME, YOU BASTARDS. I SWEAR I'LL KILL YOU. I'M STRONG! YOU CAN'T HURT ME! YOU CAN'T HURT ME! I WON'T LET YOU HURT ME! I'LL NEVER LET ANYONE HURT ME! NOOOO!" Pete was screaming at the top of his lungs.

"Pete, you're not in the house you grew up in. You're in the hospital. It's safe here. Todd's father is not here. No one can hurt you here. You're protected." Even though Susannah was right next to Pete, holding his head still, she spoke loudly. She tried to get Pete to hear her over his own screams. She knew it was Peter's hold that he was struggling to free himself from. Her words, if he heard them, had no effect on him. He continued to struggle and scream in an attempt to free himself from Peter Manning's hands.

Susannah knew he couldn't hear her. He was lost in his own world of fear and torture. She also knew Todd's body could not take much more. It was no match for Pete's fury. Finally, they were able to hold Pete in position for Nancy to administer the sedative.

Pete shrieked when he felt the injection. "I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!" Pete screamed at Susannah.

"That's okay, Pete, it's okay to hate me. I know I'm doing things to you that you don't like. I still like you. Now just try to relax. The medication is going help you calm down. It will help you sleep."

"NO! I WON'T LET IT! I'M GONNA GET OUT OF HERE. I WON'T LET HIM HURT ME! I WON'T LET HIM GET ME!" Pete continued to shriek and struggle.

"Pete, if you fight the medication it will just make you feel worse, now just try to relax. Todd's father is not holding you. The technicians and nurses are holding you. I'm holding you too, Pete. We're keeping you safe. We won't let anyone hurt you and we won't let you hurt yourself or anyone else. You're safe. No one's going to get hurt."

Pete started to feel the medication hit his system. He tried, desperately, to fight it. He knew he had to get away from Todd's father or he would end up like the others. He shook his head trying to clear his mind.

Susannah released her hold on his head. It fell to the side. She reached out and brushed back his hair, which had completely covered his face.

"Shhhh, it's all right Pete. No one is going to hurt you. You're safe here."

"I'm strong. I won't let him hurt me. He never hurt me. He never hurt me." Pete's could no longer shout. His words slurred as he said this to himself.

"I know he didn't Pete. You are very strong. You never let him hurt you." Susannah said gently. She knew how important it was for Pete to believe that. Even Pete's rage and need to free himself from Peter was no competition for the powerful sedative he had been given. Finally, Pete went limp in their arms and they lifted him to a gurney. Susannah checked his eyes and then his pulse and hands, both of which were bleeding where the skin had come off his knuckles. As much as she hated to, she ordered him put in restraints. Susannah felt like she had taken a thousand steps backwards.

TO BE CONTINUED

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