Tea couldn't take anymore right now. She couldn't think straight. She didn't know what to do. Tea wanted to get out of there. She was just about to thank Susannah for her time when they heard an urgent knock on the office door.

"Come in," Susannah called.

A nurse entered and said, "It's Todd. He's having a really bad nightmare. We can't seem to wake him from it. You said to alert you if that happened again. He was thrashing out violently. We put the restraints back on him."

"Yes, thank you. I"ll be right there," Susannah told the nurse.

"Restraints?" Tea asked, in a horrified tone.

"Yes, I don't want him to hurt himself. I'm sorry I have to go," Susannah answered quickly and she left the office. Tea gathered her coat and bag and left the hospital, possibly for the last time.

*************************************************************************************************************

When Susannah got to Todd's room, he was still thrashing about, still trapped in the terrifying place sleep had taken him to.

"Todd, wake up. It's Doctor Hanen. Todd! I want you to wake up now." Susannah patted him lightly on his cheek. She got no response.

As his arms and legs pulled against the restraints, he cried out, "No! I can't. It's cold. It's too cold! It's too cold and it's too hard. I can't leave her here. Don't make me."

Todd's eyes flew open. He was awake but still caught in his dream. "NO! NO! I WON'T! DON'T MAKE ME!" Todd screamed.

The nurse came back in and administered the sedative Susannah had ordered. Todd calmed down but he was still trapped by the dream. He stopped fighting the restraints. He lay there whimpering quietly about the cold and begging someone not to make him do something.

"Todd, we're going to remove the restraints," Susannah said as she Nancy, one of Todd's nurses, released the restraints.

As soon as he was freed from the restraints Todd curled into a fetal position and lifted his hands to his ears to cover them. "It's so loud. I want it to stop! It's too loud. Make it stop! The room is red. I don't want to be here. No! Make it stop!" Todd kept crying out.

Susannah spoke to him gently. "Make what stop? What room are you in? What is it that is so loud? Todd it's okay. Tell me."

Todd's eyes shifted in Susannah's direction. He finally got them to focus on her. It was as if he just at that second realized she was in the room with him. "I don't know. It's like a thud and a cracking sound. MAKE IT STOP!" He begged.

Todd's eyes widened at the horror his mind saw. "She's dead! He killed her! I saw him, he killed her!" Todd cried out.

Susannah placed her hand on his shoulder. "Who's dead? Who killed her?" Susannah didn't know if he was having an actual memory or a memory of his dream.

Todd curled into an even tighter fetal position. "It was Georgie. He killed her. I saw Bo kill her. He hit her, I saw him!" Todd continued crying.

"Todd, you know Bo didn't kill Georgie. My ni . . . Rachel Gannon killed Georgie. You were the one who got her to admit it. Don't you remember?" Susannah asked, smoothing his hair.

Todd shook his head violently. "No! It was Bo! I saw him! I heard it! Georgie didn't do anything. She was just there and he killed her."

Susannah rubbed his shoulder. "Todd, listen to me. You weren't even there. You didn't get there until after Georgie was dead. You never saw who it was that killed her. That's why you had to find out who did. Do you remember?" Susannah tried to orient him.

"It's so cold," Todd whispered.

Susannah could see he was shivering. She pulled the blanket up over him and asked, "Where are you? Where is it cold?"

"The woods, I took Georgie to the woods. It's cold. It's so cold," Todd replied, still shivering.

Susannah remembered that Georgie had died in the spring. It would not have been that cold out. "Todd, are you in the woods with Georgie now. Can you see her?" Todd nodded.

"What are you doing?" Susannah continues her questions.

"I'm covering her with flowers, lilacs," Todd's hands went through the motions of placing the flowers.

"She got hurt because of me. Bo hurt her because of me," Todd cried, as more tears started down his cheeks.

"No Todd, you didn't even know Georgie. She didn't die because of anything you did," Susannah said soothingly, while stroking his head.

Calming down, Todd whispered, "I took care of her. I made sure she always had flowers."

"I know you did Todd, you took very good care of her," Susannah confirmed. She could see he was starting to fall asleep again and waited by his bed until he did.

Back in her office, Susannah tried to make sense of what Todd had said. Why was he so obsessed with a girl he didn't even know? Why even now that he knew who killed her, was he still thinking Bo did it? Susannah knew it was time to do something she had put off doing since she came back to Llanview. She called her sister's house.

Nora had heard that Susannah was back in town. She had also heard that Susannah had come back to be Todd Manning's therapist and she was not in any rush to confront her sister.

When Susannah got there Nora didn't waste any time. "How could you become Todd Manning's doctor? You know what he did to me. You know what he is."

Susannah immediately remembered how much she hated the way Nora could be so judgmental at times, how closed her mind could be.

"What Todd is, is a very sick young man and I intend to do everything I can to help him," Susannah responded angrily. Then in a softer tone she said, "Nora, I know what Todd has done and I'm not excusing him, but there are things you don't understand. Believe me, Todd has paid for most of the things he's done. He has paid over and over again. He's still paying."

Susannah could see that Nora was not in the least moved by what she had said. She knew that when it came to Todd they would never see eye to eye so she got right to the point.

"Nora, I want to ask you some questions about Georgie Phillips."

"If there is one person I want to talk about less than Todd Manning, it's Georgie Phillips!" Nora spat out. She could not believe Susannah would bring up Georgie.

"Nora please! Just a few questions, I need to know some things if I'm going to be able to help Todd."

Nora started to laugh. "Oh that is rich! Now you want me to help you to help Todd! What are you going to ask me to do next? Do you want me to bring him flowers? Or maybe you want me to come and read to him or to tuck him in at night!"

Nora felt Susannah was being totally insensitive to what she had been through because of Todd.

"Nora, I can understand your bitterness towards Todd, but you have to understand, he's my patient. He's very sick and I intend to help him. Please!"

Nora looked at her sister and smirked, "Oh, as long as you can understand my bitterness. I mean he only stalked me when I was blind and tried to rape me. He only tried to make the whole town think my husband was an adulterer and a killer. He only got my daughter sent to prison, but hey, why should I be bitter?"

Susannah took a deep breath. "Rachel went to prison because she killed someone, not because of anything Todd did," Susannah tried to reason with her sister.

Nora thought for a minute and said, "Okay look, just ask me what you want to know."

"I want to know about Georgie. I want to know about her family. I want to know if there was any way Todd could have known her when he was growing up. I want to know why Todd hates Bo so much and why he was so convinced Bo killed Georgie?"

"Why does Todd do or think anything he does! Because he's insane, he's evil! There is no other reason," Nora answered bitterly. Then she added, "As far as I know, Georgie and Todd never laid eyes on each other until the night Georgie died, and even then, it was only long enough for Georgie to hand him that disgusting picture she faked of Bo and her in our bed. As for why Todd hates Bo, why does Todd hate anybody? For some imagined slight or just because he wants to."

Susannah realized Nora's hatred for Todd ran even deeper than she had originally thought.

"Has Bo ever mentioned why he thinks Todd hates him?" Susannah asked.

"Bo thinks he represents some kind of father figure to Todd. An authority figure. You know, Bo feels sorry for Todd at times. I mean he has actually said it. I couldn't believe he helped get Todd released after he was captured in the cabana. What is it about this man that makes normal, rational people fall all over themselves trying to help him?"

Susannah left Nora's house with little more information than she had come in with. She knew most of Todd's problems related to the abuse he suffered at the hands of his father and the abandonment of his mother. Still, she had this nagging feeling that there was something else. Georgie, somehow Georgie is connected to it, but how could that be. Todd is suffering from traumas that originated in his childhood. He didn't even know Georgie 'til last spring, she thought.

Susannah got back to her office and checked her messages. One unfamiliar name popped up, Michael Connor. Michael Connor, 312 area code. Hmmm, Chicago, Susannah thought to herself, then she sat up straight and said out loud, "Michael! Judge Connor's son."

"Hello, this is Doctor Susannah Hanen. You left a message for me to call you," Susannah said into the phone.

"Doctor Hanen, I was going through my father's papers and I found something. I don't really think it means much. However, you did say if I found out anything . . . I really didn't like you asking all those questions about my father, but then I got to thinking about that young man you said was so sick. I thought, well, Dad is gone and nothing can hurt him and maybe this will help that young patient of yours. Anyway, for what it's worth, right around the time you were asking about, early January of 1984 . . . it seems my father came into quite a nice sum of money. He probably used most of it to pay for my mother's treatments, although, there would have been enough left over for him to start his retirement on a pretty nice scale," Michael informed Susannah.

Susannah's heart rate quickened as she asked, "Do you know where this money came from. What the source was?"

"No, just that it was transferred into my father's account from someplace right here in Chicago. Doctor Hanen, I'm sorry, but that is really all I found out. My father's house has been sold and I will be leaving Chicago at the end of the week. I just wanted to let you know what I found out. I hope it will help that boy."

Susannah thanked him and hung up the phone. She sat in her chair thinking . . . So Judge Connor came into some money, so what? So he just happened to come into it when he needed it to help his wife. So he just happened to come into it right after he witnessed Michelle on the road that night.

The ringing of her phone interrupted Susannah's thoughts. "Susannah, it's Terry. Do you still want Todd brought to your office for a session today?"

"How is he doing?" Susannah asked. He's awake, but he's still pretty groggy," Terry answered.

"Can you tell who is out?"

"I think it's Todd, but I'm not sure," Terry answered.

"No, don't bring him here. I'll come to his room, we'll have the session there," Susannah instructed.

Todd was sitting up in bed. Susannah could tell he was still a little out of it, but she thought this might keep him calmer during their session.

"Hi Todd, how are you feeling?" Susannah carefully studied his face as she asked.

"Not real good," Todd sighed.

"I'm sorry you're not feeling well, can you tell me in what way you don't feel good?"

"I can't think straight. It's foggy, I feel like I'm not real."

Susannah knew he was feeling a combination of the effects of the drugs and the DID.

"Todd, I know the medications are making you feel bad, but I am trying to find the right level that will help you to stay calm and feel better and not make you feel so foggy. Sometimes, when you get very upset, I need to give you stronger medication to keep you from hurting yourself. I had to do that the other night and earlier today and that's why you feel so funny now. It isn't anything to be afraid of. The effects will start to wear off soon. I thought we could have our session in here today," Susannah explained.

Todd just stared ahead. "I want to ask you about Georgie."

He looked puzzled and asked, "Georgie, what about Georgie?"

"How well did you know Georgie?"

"I didn't know her at all. I only met her once, the night she died," Todd answered in a flat voice, void of emotion.

"Can you tell me about that night?" Susannah pressed.

"I proposed to Tea that night. I left the restaurant and Georgie came up to me and gave me this envelope, that was it." Todd related this as if it had nothing to do with his life.

"What was in the envelope?" Susannah asked, even though she knew the answer.

"A picture of Bo and Georgie, together, in Bo's bed," Todd said, matter-of-factly.

"You know now that the picture was fabricated by Georgie, don't you?"

"So they say," Todd snapped.

"Let's go ahead to when you got to the lodge. What do you remember from the time you got there?" Susannah pushed forward.

"Georgie was on the floor. She was dead," Todd's answered.

Although his voice was still flat and expressionless, Susannah could see his respiration's were increasing.

"What was the first thing you thought when you saw Georgie lying on the floor?"

"He killed her. She didn't do anything and he killed her."

"Who killed her?"

"Bo! Who else?"

"What did you mean when you thought 'she didn't do anything'? She was blackmailing Bo, wasn't she?" Susannah continued to orient him to the facts.

"I didn't know that, but even if she wasn't he would have killed her anyway. Just because she was there," Todd insisted, with some anger creeping into his voice.

"Except it wasn't Bo at all, it was Rachel. She killed Georgie," Susannah reminded him. Todd didn't answer; he just stared straight ahead.

"Let's go to after you found the body. What did you do?" Susannah continued to push.

"I took her out to the woods."

"What did you do with her? Did you just leave her there?"

"No! I didn't just leave her there! How could I just leave her there!" Susannah could see he was getting upset, but she continued.

"What did you do?"

"I covered her with flowers, lilacs. She liked those."

Susannah immediately picked up on that. "Todd, how would you know what kind of flowers Georgie liked? You said you never met her before that night and then you didn't exchange more than a couple of words with her? Todd?" Susannah called, when he didn't respond to her question.

"What?" Todd asked.

"You just said you knew what kind of flowers Georgie liked.

"No, I didn't! How would I know that! I had no idea what kind of flowers she liked. I just picked lilacs. I don't know why, I just did." Todd's breathing became even more erratic.

"Todd, was it cold in the woods that night?"

"No, it was springtime. It was warm," Todd began to rub his forehead as he answered.

"Do you remember hearing any loud noises either at the lodge or in the woods, something that sounded like a thud or a crack?"

Shaking his head from side to side, Todd whispered, "No."

"Do you remember being in a red room?" Susannah asked gently.

Todd started to get agitated. Startled, he looked around. His eyes filled with fear and confusion.

"Todd, Todd! Are you hearing or seeing something?"

"Someone is crying. A kid, a child. I hear it. Why won't it stop? Make it stop!" Todd cried out. He pulled a pillow up over his ears.

"I don't want to talk about Georgie any more! I . . . it stopped! The crying stopped," Todd said, with a surprised look on his face. He calmed down a little. He pleaded, "Please! I don't want to talk about Georgie any more."

Susannah knew this was as far as she could push him about Georgie for this session. "All right, let's talk about something else. Do you remember our last session, the one in my office? Do you remember what we talked about?" Susannah asked.

"My mother," Todd answered, sorry he had asked her to change the subject.

"Todd, I know you were nine when your mother left. How old were you when she died?"

"Fourteen," Todd answered slowly.

"Do you remember how you found out she had died?"

"Yeah, my father came home and said, 'Now you can stop planning to sneak away to find your mother. She's dead,'" Todd answered.

Once again he had little emotion in his voice. This concerned Susannah. She felt he was shutting down, not allowing himself to feel anything.

"How did you feel? I know you hadn't seen your mother for many years before she died but how did knowing you were never going to see her again make you feel?" Susannah asked cautiously.

"I didn't feel anything," Todd responded in a monotone.

"Todd, your mother had just died, you must have felt something. What did you do after your father told you?"

"Nothing, I went up to my room. I don't want to talk about this either. Why can't you just leave me alone?" He pleaded.

"Todd, I'm not trying to hurt you. I know how painful talking about these things can be, but it's the only way for you to heal."

Todd turned and looked directly at Susannah. "There's nothing to talk about. My mother died. She died! She was never coming back again. No matter what I felt, it wasn't going to bring her back! She left and then she died and . . . and . . . I . . . I . . . never . . . I . . . didn't . . ."

Susannah could see he was getting confused and extremely agitated. He started to get out of bed. "No! Todd, I want you to stay in bed. The medication hasn't completely worn off yet. You could fall and hurt yourself," Susannah cautioned, grabbing his arm to stop him from getting up.

"Don't touch me! Please don't touch me! It hurts! Don't touch me!" Jimmy cried out, backing away from where Susannah sat on the bed.

"All right Jimmy. I won't touch you. I promise," Susannah assured him. She got up and moved away from the bed. Susannah could see that Jimmy was scared to death of her.

"Look Jimmy, I'm all the way over here. I'm not anywhere near you. I promise I won't touch you, but now I want you to promise me something. I want you to promise me you won't try to hurt yourself. Will you do that?"

Jimmy looked at her with frightened eyes. "I want it to stop hurting. I just want it to stop hurting," Jimmy said, near tears.

"I know you do, but that's not the way to get it to stop. We can get it to stop together, if you tell me what hurts so much and what made it hurt," Susannah explained.

Jimmy just stared at her and moved even further away. Then he surprised her by saying, "I want to be with my mom."

"Jimmy, your mom loved you. She wouldn't want you to hurt yourself."

"She'd wanna be with me. Then we could be together forever and she'd never go away," Jimmy declared.

"If you kill yourself you'll also be killing Todd and all the others," Susannah reasoned.

"Maybe I wouldn't. Pete thinks we could all be separate if Todd dies. Anyway, Todd wants to die too."

Susannah was afraid of that. "Jimmy, how do you know Todd wants to die?"

"I can hear him thinking it. He thinks it a lot now," Jimmy answered.

Although this did not surprise Susannah, it upset her to hear it. "Jimmy will you let me try something to help it stop hurting so much? I promise it won't hurt and I won't have to touch you or come near you."

Encouraged by the fact that Jimmy didn't move any further away or try to get off the bed Susannah continued. "Jimmy, I want you to lay down and close your eyes and take some deep breaths. Can you do that for me? I promise I won't come anywhere near you while your eyes are closed." Jimmy did what he was asked. It took a little longer than it had with Tom, but finally Susannah had Jimmy hypnotized.

"Jimmy, I want you to put your hand down and feel where you are. What do you feel?" Susannah asked.

"The bed sheet," Jimmy answered. "That's right, you're in your hospital room and you're safe here and I'm with you. If you get confused as to where you are just reach down and feel the sheet and you'll know you are safe in your bed, okay?" Jimmy nodded.

"You're fourteen, right?" Jimmy nodded his head yes. "How old was Todd when you came out for the first time?" Susannah asked, sitting down in a chair she had pulled away from the bed.

"Todd was fourteen too. He didn't come out much then. Pete was out most of the time, but Todd had been out that day."

"Do you remember what had happened to Todd the day you came out?"

"It was the day before our mother died," Jimmy answered sadly.

"Did any of you even know she was sick?"

"Todd didn't. I did."

Susannah was relieved that he was staying calm. "How did you know your mom was sick? I thought Todd wasn't allowed any contact with his mother." Susannah continued her questions.

"She came to the house to talk to Todd's dad." Susannah noticed he referred to Peter as "Todd's dad" but to Barbara as "our mom".

"She thought Todd would be in school but he was home because his dad hit him too hard the night before and he had to stay home so the teachers wouldn't see," Jimmy continued. "Todd was in his room and he thought he heard her voice. He thought he was dreaming. Todd would always have these daydreams that his mother would come back for him and take him away with her. His father told him he wasn't supposed to come out of his room for anything that day but he went to the top of the stairs anyway. He went to a place where his father wouldn't see him and he saw her standing there. He started to cry because she looked so different. She got real skinny and she looked so much older and her hair was funny, like a lot of it fell out, and it wasn't pretty anymore." Tears trickled from Jimmy's closed eyes as he told what happened.

"Is that when you came out?" Susannah pressed.

"No, I was still inside. I had been around for a long time. I could hear Todd think and see what he was doing a lot of times but I never came out.

Jimmy's body tensed up. It's starting to hurt again! I wanna make it stop hurting!" Jimmy's voice filled with pain.

"Jimmy, you promised me you wouldn't do anything to hurt yourself right now. You're safe. You're in your bed. Put your hand down and tell me what you feel."

Jimmy did as Susannah instructed. "The bed sheets," Jimmy answered, his voice contorted with pain.

"That's right, you're in your bed and you're safe. Jimmy, I want you to take a big deep breath and then you're going to feel very relaxed and calm."

Jimmy was so tense all he could manage was a very shallow breath. "Jimmy try to relax your toes. Good, now your legs. Very good, you're feeling all the tension going away . . . " Finally Susannah relaxed him enough for him to take some deep breaths and calm down. She waited a couple of minutes, and then seeing that he had relaxed, she continued.

"What happened after Todd saw his mother?"

"He stood there and listened to what his mother and father were saying. She said she wanted to see Todd one last time, just for a few minutes. She said she was dying and this would be the last time she'd ever get to see him. She said, 'I know you've never shown him the letters I wrote. Todd would have answered me if he had seen them.'" Tears broke free of Jimmy's eyes and started down his face again.

"What did Todd's father do, what did he say?" Susannah asked, trying to keep from crying herself.

"He said, 'you filthy slut! You think I don't know why you want to see him! You think I don't know what it is you want to tell him! Do you think that after taking care of that bastard all these years I'm going to let you take it all away from me?'" Jimmy's pain was obvious as he relayed Peter's words.

"Do you know what he was talking about? What he meant by taking it all away from him?" Susannah inquired, in a puzzled voice. Jimmy shook his head.

Seeing that he was still reasonably calm, Susannah asked, "What did your mother say?"

"She said 'I won't do that Peter. I swear I won't. I just want to see him to say good-bye and to tell him I love him and that I'm sorry.' She was crying. Todd wanted to go to her and hug her and tell her he loved her more than anything and that he wanted to go away with her. He wanted to tell her that he would protect her from his father, but he couldn't move. He just stood there. He was getting real upset inside. I could feel it and it made everything hurt more. Then Todd was almost about to go to her when his father started laughing that real scary laugh he had when he was gonna hurt someone."

Jimmy was now trembling so much the whole bed seemed to be shaking. Susannah knew she should stop now, but she also knew how important what Jimmy was saying was and she let him continue. "Todd's father said, 'You're sorry! Oh, you're sorry, you're damn right you're sorry. You're the sorriest excuse for a woman I've ever seen. You always were. You were a sorry wife and a sorry mother. You turned him into a mama's boy, it took me years to get it out of him.' Our mother looked like she was going to fall but she got down on her knees and said, 'Peter please, I'm begging you! Just one minute. Let me wait here for him. You can stay in the room. I don't have to see him alone. Please! Just one minute before I die. You can't hate me that much.' Todd's dad didn't say anything and then he grabbed our mother up by her coat and pushed her out the door."

Jimmy was now crying so hard that his breath was coming in short gasps, but he continued. "He pushed her so hard she fell down. I saw her fall down just as the door closed. I wanted to go to her but everything hurt so much, I couldn't move. He hurt her! She was so sick and he hurt her and I didn't help her and Todd didn't help her and she went away and she died. She died because we didn't help her. We let him hurt her!" Susannah noticed that Jimmy was not referring to Todd being out any more but to himself and Todd being out.

"Is that when you came out? Did you come out right then, for the first time?"

He nodded and said, "Todd never remembered what he saw. He forgot all of it, but I remember. I remember that we didn't help our mother. I remember that she died because we didn't help her. I remembered that she wrote letters to us. I would try to look for them sometimes when I was out and Todd's father wasn't home but I could never find them. I remember that mama was sick and hurt and we didn't help her.

Susannah's heart was breaking for him. "Jimmy, you and Todd were young boys. There was nothing either of you could have done to help your mother. You didn't cause her to get sick or hurt or to die. It wasn't your fault and it wasn't Todd's fault." Susannah tried to redirect the blame to where it belonged.

"No! It was us. We let her get hurt! She came back for us and we let her get hurt. That's why I had to do it. Todd wanted to also."

"Wanted to do what? Jimmy, what did you do when you came out?" Susannah asked, forcing herself not to go near him, to comfort him.

"I went to the bathroom and took a whole bunch of the pills Todd's father used to make him go to sleep, but he came in and caught me and he made me throw up. He grabbed me. He grabbed me! It hurts so much. No! Let go of me. Don't, DON'T!" Jimmy screamed as he fought off the hands that he felt grabbing him. He was slipping into a flashback.

"Jimmy, you're not with your father. You're in the hospital. Put your hand down and you'll feel the bed sheet. You'll know where you are. Jimmy, put your hand down and feel the bed sheet." Jimmy's hand moved across the sheet and he started to calm down, but only a little.

"I want to make it stop hurting. I want to be with my mother. Please, let me make it stop hurting," Jimmy begged.

"Jimmy, I want you to go inside and rest now. Jimmy, can you hear me?" He nodded. "Can I speak with Todd? Can Todd come out and talk to me?"

Jimmy lay very still for a few minutes, only his eyes moved back and forth under closed lids. Then, in a scared voice he said, "I can't find Todd. He's hiding and I can't find him. Are you mad at me?"

"No Jimmy, I'm not mad at you, not at all. It's all right. That's okay, try to find Miss Perkins, go to her. See if Miss Perkins can help you to go inside and rest and if she can, then come out." Once again Jimmy lay still, only moving his eyes.

"Hello Doctor Hanen, you needn't worry. Jimmy is safe with me. I'm here now. I will keep him safe. Miss Perkins said, much to Susannah's relief.

TO BE CONTINUED

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