Finally, the sedative was administered. After a few minutes, they felt Jimmy's body go limp in their arms and the screaming stopped. The room was suddenly and chillingly silent.

*************************************************************************************************************

Todd was running through the woods. He knew something horrible was chasing him. He just didn't know what. If he could just find it, he would be safe. He heard the sound of rushing water. He didn't know what he was looking for, but he knew that if he could follow the sound of the rushing water, he would find it and be safe. The fallen branches on the ground felt sharp against his legs as he continued running, following the sound of the water. His heart raced as he felt his pursuer getting closer. Then he saw it, through a clearing in the woods; a cabin. He knew what he was looking for. His stepfather's cabin. He would find his mother there.

He ran even faster now until he was at the cabin's door.

He pounded on the door and screamed "MAMA LET ME IN. MAMA PLEASE!" The door opened and Todd's mother held out her arms to him and he rushed into them.

"Mama I've tried so hard to find you. I miss you so much. Please don't leave, please don't send me away I love you so much."

Suddenly, his arms were empty and he heard the laughter. It's sound was so loud and horrible that he covered his ears. The laughter stopped. The man's loud voice mocked the words Todd had said to his mother, Please don't leave, please don't send me away, I love you.

Todd was afraid to look up. He didn't want to see the face of his tormentor. He felt small and helpless. Then the voice taunted, She doesn't love you. She won't save you. She's never coming back! You're all mine now.

Todd felt as if all the air had been removed from the cabin and he couldn't breath. He looked around. His mother had disappeared. Then he felt the pain all over. Every inch of his body was in agony. He still would not look up. He knew that if he saw the monster's face, he would die. He called out one final time, "Mama! Mama! Help me! Please!" The laughter got louder until he couldn't stand it any more and he decided to look at the face and to see the monster.

Todd woke up covered in sweat, his heart racing, and his entire body in pain. He could not catch his breath. He couldn't get his eyes to focus and wasn't sure where he was. Someone was standing over him and that frightened him.

"It's all right Todd. You're in the hospital. My name is Terry. I'm a nurse. Just relax, I'll get Susannah for you."

He could hear her, but her voice sounded distorted. Todd tried to get up. Once again, his wrists and ankles were bound to the sides of the bed. This time there was also a strap across his mid-section. His vision started to slowly clear and he looked around. This was not the same room he remembered being in. Everything looked different. He noticed the windows were odd, much thicker than in the other room. He felt like he was in a fog, like everything was in slow motion, including his thoughts. He wondered where Viki and Sam were, and if they even knew he was here. His heart started to beat even faster. He tried to lift his head but couldn't. It felt as if it were weighted down.

Susannah rushed to Todd's room as soon as Terry called her. Todd had been asleep for most of the past thirty-six hours. Each time the sedation started to lift, Jimmy had been out and had become extremely agitated. The last time so much so that he required restraints. Susannah hated keeping him so heavily medicated. However, she knew it was necessary for now.

When she got there Terry motioned for her to step outside and explained to her it appeared that Todd was having a nightmare. She also told her that his pulse, blood pressure and respirations were all elevated. She said he seemed very disoriented and frightened.

"Todd, it's Susannah. Can you hear me?"

"Who . . . Su . . . You're my . . . " Todd seemed very confused and disoriented.

"Todd, it's Doctor Hanen. You're in a different room now but you're still at Llanview Hospital. You've been asleep for a while. Today is Thursday, July, ninth. It's morning. Todd, If you can, I want you to answer me."

Todd still felt as if he couldn't breath and as if he were in a fog. "I don't feel very good. I feel funny, everything is in slow motion." His own voice sounded far away to him as he spoke those words.

"I know you do Todd, and I'm sorry. You'll start to feel better soon, I promise. Did you have a bad dream?" Susannah asked.

"I don't remember," Todd answered, honestly.

"What's the last thing you remember?" Susannah pushed.

Todd thought for a minute. His brain was starting to clear slightly. "Tea, Tea was with me. I can't remember what we talked about. Please untie me. I really hate this." Todd tugged on the restraints.

Susannah studied him for a minute. He was presenting as calm. She released the restraints. Todd tried to sit up and fell back. He couldn't believe how weak he was.

Susannah raised the bed a little more. "Is that better?" She asked softly. He nodded. "Can I get you anything, something to drink or eat?" Susannah offered.

"Water, some water," Todd's mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton.

Susannah poured the cold water from a pitcher on the night stand and handed the cup to Todd. He reached for it with his uninjured left hand. It was so weak and shook so badly that the water started to spill all over him. Susannah took the cup and held it to his lips.

Realizing how weak and helpless he was made Todd feel sick to his stomach. He drank some of the water and then asked. "Why am I in a different room?"

"This is the floor where my office is. This is where my patients stay," Susannah informed him and waited to see his reaction before she said any more.

"I'm in the psych ward, aren't I? I'm where you keep the really crazy patients, the ones who are gonna be locked away forever!"

"Todd, this is a psychiatric unit, but no, you are not being locked away forever, and no, you are not crazy." Susannah gently assured him.

"Okay, if I'm not locked away then I want to leave. Can I leave now?" Todd tried to sound calm and conceal the panic he was feeling.

"No, you do have to stay here for a while. Do you remember we discussed this? It will be just until you're feeling better and can keep yourself safe. Then you can go back to Viki's."

"Do Viki and Sam know I'm here, that you're keeping me here against my will!"

Todd prayed the answer was no, so that they could come rescue him.

"Yeah, they do," Susannah said, gently. "They want what is best for you and they know you need to be here now."

Oh God! Todd thought, what am I gonna do? I'm trapped. Susannah saw Todd was beginning to panic. Then "he" asked "Do you have any more candy?"

"Candy?" Susannah asked. She immediately noticed the difference.

"You brought me candy, remember? Do you have any more?" Susannah smiled.

"I don't have any candy with me, but I can get some for you Tom? What kind do you want?"

While Tom ate his Nestles Crunch bar, Susannah thought about what the best way to approach his past would be. She didn't want to trigger another flashback. "Tom, what do you remember about your mom?" Susannah asked cautiously.

"My mom was real pretty. She always smelled real nice, like flowers. She would take me places. Well, sometimes she would take one of the others places and I would watch from inside, but that wasn't as much fun as when I would be out and I got to be the one to go. She always said how much she loved us," Tom answered calmly.

Encouraged by this, Susannah asked, "Did your dad come along sometimes?"

"No, he didn't like it when she took us out. We always had to be back before he got home from work," Tom volunteered.

"What would happen if you and your mom weren't there when your dad got home?" Susannah pressed.

"He would get real mad. Do they have any comic books here? I like comic books?"

Susannah knew Tom wanted to change the subject. "I think they have some in the gift shop. I'll get you some later. Let's talk a little more now, all right?"

Susannah was relieved to see Tom shrug his shoulders and say, "Okay."

"What would happen when your dad got mad? What would he do?" Susannah asked.

"He would yell and call my mom names and . . ."

Without finishing his sentence Tom lay down on his side and turned his face away from Susannah. She sat a little closer to him and put her hand on his shoulder.

"And what Tom, what else did your dad do?"

Tom didn't say anything, at first. Then he admitted, "He hit her. He hit her because of me, because she took me out."

"Tom," Susannah began, brushing away the hair that had fallen in his face. "You didn't make your dad do bad things. He didn't hit your mom because of you. Your mom liked going out with you, hmmm, didn't she?" Tom nodded "It made your mom happy to be with you. Doesn't it feel good to know you made your mom happy?"

A tear dropped from Tom's eye to the pillowcase. "I love my mom." Susannah noticed he said that in the present tense.

"How did it make you feel when your dad hit your mom?"

Susannah hoped she wasn't pushing too hard. "I wanted to make him stop. I should have helped my mom, but I didn't," Tom confessed as more tears fell.

How ironic, Susannah thought, He feels guilty about not protecting his mother.

"Tom, you were just a little boy. There was nothing you could do. Your dad was big and strong you couldn't stop him. Did your dad hit you too? He's not here. He can't hurt you anymore. You can tell me, it's all right, I promise. Tom, did your dad hit you?" Susannah asked, pushing him a little harder.

"He thought he was hitting Todd. Todd was bad. Todd was always bad. He was born bad," Tom explained without any anger in his voice. He stated it simply, as one would a known fact.

"Tom, no one is born bad. Todd was just a little boy too. What did he do that was so bad?" She pressed.

"He made bad things happen to our dad. It was always his fault."

"What kind of bad things"?

"All kinds of stuff. He would make things go bad at work for our dad or he would make him have car trouble or make the weather bad outside. He would make our dad hit our mom. He would make Timmy and me get hurt. Todd tried to be good, but I guess he's just bad and he had to be punished. He made our dad punish him," Now Tom's voice was filled with sadness.

"Tom, little boys can't be held responsible for any of the things you mentioned. Nno one can. If your dad told Todd or you that all of those things were your fault, he lied," Susannah said gently.

Suddenly, "Tom" turned around and hugged Susannah, burying his head on her shoulder. He began to cry. "No mommy, he'll hurt you."

Susannah noticed that his voice had changed to an even more childish one. Hugging him she asked, "What's your name sweetie?"

"Timmy," he answered in a small shy voice. Then he said, "Don't say bad things about daddy. He'll hurt you."

Susannah could feel Timmy trembling in her arms. "Sweetie, I won't let your daddy hurt me and I won't let him hurt you. You're safe here."

Susannah voice was soft and reassuring. Timmy lifted his head for a second and looked around. Susannah could see the fear in his eyes as he cried out, "Daddy's over there! I see him!" Timmy pointed straight ahead. "He has his belt off! Mommy, don't go away! Don't go to sleep. Mommy, don't let daddy take me upstairs. Mommy!"

Timmy's grip on Susannah tightened. "Timmy, what happens when daddy takes you upstairs? What does he do to you? It's okay, it's safe to tell me," Susannah promised. She held Timmy tightly.

Timmy looked around and whispered, "I hear daddy. He's upstairs."

Susannah realized that Timmy was seeing the house he grew up in. "Tell me what you're seeing Timmy. Where are you?"

"In the living room. Mommy is drinking that funny soda. It smells real bad. It makes her go to sleep and she can't hear me. Sometimes I spill it out, but she gets some more. Daddy's upstairs I can hear him." Timmy stopped talking and started looking around the room.

"Timmy, what are you looking for? What are you trying to find?" Susannah asked the still trembling child.

"Someplace to hide. I don't want him to find me. I don't wanna go upstairs." Susannah could hear panic starting in his voice.

Without warning, Timmy jumped back as if someone had pulled him away from her. He started screaming out, "NO DADDY! I DON'T WANT TO. NO! MOMMY! MOMMY! WAKE UP! MOMMY! MOMMY!" Then, just as suddenly, he became perfectly still, not moving a muscle or uttering a sound. Timmy just stared straight ahead.

Susannah put her arms around him. "Timmy, you're not in your house anymore. You're here in the hospital with me. You're safe here. Your daddy's not here. No one is hurting you. You're safe here, sweetie." Susannah tried to orient him. She tightening her grip on the young boy and gently rocked him.

Susannah was caught off guard when "Timmy" suddenly pulled away and she heard Todd's voice. "What's going on? What are you doing!" Susannah could see that Todd was confused and embarrassed.

"You were a little upset. I was comforting you. Todd, I know you don't remember what just happened. I know there are a lot of gaps in your memory. If you want to talk about it, I can explain it to you. I can tell you why it happens. You don't have to be afraid."

For a moment Todd froze. Did it happen? Did she somehow find out about the blank spots? The lost time? Todd looked at her and said, "I'm-I'm-I'm not afraid and I don't know what you're talking about. I'm just confused here! It's all the drugs you're giving me. I can't think straight!"

Susannah decided to take the plunge and asked, "Todd do you lose time? Do you have gaps of time that you can't account for? Blackouts?" Susannah could see Todd's pupils dilate with fear. She held his wrist for a second and felt his heart racing.

"What are you doing!" He pulled his hand away, and then exclaimed loudly, " I know what you're doing. You're looking for reasons to keep me here. The whole town wanted me in jail. They didn't get that, so now they're getting you to keep me locked up here. I'm not crazy! And you're not going to get me to say that I am!"

"Todd," Susannah began, "I agree, you're not crazy and the only reason you are here is because we don't want you to hurt yourself. You don't have to be afraid to tell me the truth. I'm the only one here and I won't tell anyone anything you tell me, if you don't want me to. Have you always lost time?"

Todd looked down. The thing he had been afraid of all his life was happening. Someone found out his horrible secret. "I don't know what you're talking about. I remember everything," he lied.

"All right then, tell me the last thing you said to me before you asked me why I was comforting you?"

Todd knew this was a trick question and he felt trapped. He tried to remember. He knew the drugs were making his brain slow. He knew he had to say something. His heart racing, he tried to remember and finally said, "I asked you if Viki and Sam knew I was here."

"That was almost an hour ago. What happened since then?" Susannah asked gently.

Todd wanted to get away from Susannah. He felt like he was being set up. He wanted to get away from the hospital, and away from his life. He started to get that frightening, but familiar, sensation of being at the end of a tunnel. Susannah and the room seemed to be fading away. Susannah could see what was happening and took his hand.

"Todd, listen to me! Try to stay with me and concentrate on what I'm saying. Try to feel my hand. You are not crazy! What you did was find a means of escape. You saved yourself and that's a good thing. I swear to you, I can help you. I can help make all the time gaps go away. All you have to do is try to stay with me and hear what I have to tell you. Then if you still want to, you can go away. Todd, do you hear me?"

For the first time, Todd felt himself being pulled back from the tunnel. Susannah's face and voice became closer and not so distorted. Susannah could see that he was able to make eye contact with her again.

Still holding his hand, she repeated, "Do you lose time? Do you remember the last hour? Do you remember what we spoke about? You can tell me. I swear to you that it will be all right. Nothing bad will happen if you tell me. Todd, it's the only way to get it to stop. You have to tell someone."

"I never did," Todd confessed, looking down at the sheets. "I never told anyone. No one knows. No one's ever known." Tears trickled out of Todd's eyes and spilled down his cheeks as he continued. "When I was a kid I thought it happened to everyone. When I realized that it just happened to me, I was so scared. I was ashamed. I don't want to be locked away."

Then the words that he had held in for more than twenty years rushed out of him. "I've never told anyone. It's always happened. Ever since I could remember. I would be someplace, and then I wasn't there anymore. I was someplace else, only I didn't remember how I got there. Sometimes I'd be with strangers, but they seemed to know me. Sometimes I'd be wearing clothes I didn't remember having. Sometimes it wasn't the same day anymore. Sometimes it wasn't even the same month anymore. People would talk about things I should know, but I couldn't remember or they would say I did things that I didn't remember doing. Sometimes they would be really bad things, horrible things," Todd tears increased.

"When I was in school, I would miss classes and not know what was taught and then when I would come back I couldn't do the work. He thought I was stupid. Maybe I am."

"Who thought you were stupid?" Susannah prodded.

"My dad," Todd whispered and continued. "I've tried all my life to make it stop happening, to be stronger, so it wouldn't happen. Maybe he's right? Maybe I am just a stupid loser who can't control his own life? I mean look how I ended up, locked away in a loony bin."

"Todd," Susannah asked softly, "You know about your sister's disorder, don't you?"

"Yeah, so," Todd sniffled.

"Do you really understand what was wrong with her? I mean do you understand how her illness manifested itself?"

Todd stole a quick glance at Susannah and then looked back down at the sheets and blanket. "Yeah, she had all these people running around in her head," Todd answered.

"Todd, what do you think happens when you go away, when you lose time? What do you think you do?"

Susannah's question seemed to surprise Todd.

"Do? I don't know if I do anything. It's like I've been asleep."

"Yes," Susannah reasoned, "But you just said people have told you that you have done things, sometimes bad things. Your teachers acted as if you had been in class and should have known what had been taught. If you had just been asleep or missing, wouldn't someone have noticed and mentioned it to you?"

Todd had never allowed himself to think about this in a logical way before. It was always safest to think of it as just "going away," as "he wasn't there but no one noticed". Now Susannah was forcing him to think it through and he was terrified.

Susannah continued, "Todd, what you have is called Dissociative Identity Disorder, DID. It's the same thing Viki had and as you know Viki is fine now. She has recovered. She doesn't have anyone running around in her head any more."

While she was saying this, Susannah saw that Todd was shaking his head no and he was saying, almost to himself, "No! What you're saying isn't true. You're just making it up because . . . because. I don't know, the Buchanans are telling you to. They want the whole world to think I'm crazy. They want my newspaper. They want my kid!"

Todd was getting more agitated. "They got to you and now you're telling me this ridiculous . . . lie. I would know it if I had all these people running around inside me."

"Viki didn't, not at the beginning," Susannah pointed out.

"Well, I'm not Viki!" Todd snapped.

"Todd, you don't have to be afraid," Susannah comforted.

"Afraid, I'm not afraid of anything! It's just what you're telling me is such a load of bull. I don't know why you're doing it. I never did anything to you. Why do you hate me enough to lie to me like this!"

Susannah tried to reason calmly. "Todd, think about it. Wouldn't this explain what's been happening to you for your entire life? Doesn't it sort of make sense out of everything?" Susannah could see Todd's entire body tense at the mention of his father.

"So my father yelled at me a lot. So he hit me sometimes, so what? That happens to all kids. That doesn't mean they go crazy. That doesn't mean they go around pretending to be other people."

"Todd, your father did more than hit you sometimes. He beat you. He burned you, didn't he? Sam saw the bruises and the burns and the scars," Susannah persisted.

Todd was shaking his head. "My father disciplined me. I was bad. I deserved to be punished. I deserved what he did. I . . .I . . .Oh God! Oh God!" He mouthed the last few words, not making any sounds. Todd squeezed his eyes shut and put his head down. Susannah knew he was disassociating and that he was fighting it.

Susannah stroked his head and soothed, "It's all right Todd, you can let go. You don't have to fight it. It's safe to let go here. I won't let anything bad happen." Susannah was amazed that Todd had been able to stay Todd as long as he already did.

"My head hurts," Todd cried, his voice filled with pain and panic. "He's screaming at me."

"Who's screaming at you?" "I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. It sounds like my fath . . ." and before Todd could get the word out he was gone.

TO BE CONTINUED

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