Téa had stayed away from the hospital for the past couple of days. She wanted to see Todd, but not like this. Just thinking about him as the "child" on the floor at the jail, or the way he had been in the recovery room was like a knife through Téa's heart.

God, I don't know how Viki and Sam can see him like that, so helpless and confused and in so much pain, Téa thought.

She immediately felt guilty and weak because she was leaving Todd's care to them. Again she thought of the marriage vow she had taken, "for better or worse, in sickness and in health."

Téa knew her marriage to Todd started out to be just for the money, and those vows meant nothing to her at the time, but now she couldn't stop thinking about them. She loved Todd so much, but was it enough? Enough to help him? Eough to watch him suffer? Enough to stay his wife? Téa decided to go see Todd.

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Susannah called Sam, as she promised Tom she would. Sam had dropped Viki off at Llanfair and told her he would come to pick her up in a few hours, after they both got some rest. Sam was just waking up from a nap when the phone rang. Susannah told him that Tom had been upset and wanted to see him, but that he didn't have to hurry as Tom was now sleeping and she would stay with him until Sam got there. Sam said he would pick Viki up and be there shortly.

Susannah was sitting in Todd's room, writing some notes to herself, when Tea came into the room. Putting her finger up to her lips, Susannah whispered, "Shh, try not to wake him, he just fell asleep."

"Can I speak with you for a few minutes?" Tea whispered to Susannah.

"Of course, let's step outside," Susannah replied, without hesitation.

"How is Todd doing? He looks better than the last time I saw him." Tea stated.

"Physically, he's much better," Susannah assured her.

"And mentally? Viki told me you were going to keep him hospitalized for a while," Tea's voice choked up.

"Todd has a long road ahead of him, Téa, he is going to need a lot of time and a lot of support from the people who love him. Are you one of those people?"

Susannah's directness took Téa by surprise. She was not prepared to talk about what she was feeling. "Yes, I love Todd. I love him with all my heart. I just don't know if I can help him. Our relationship was very complicated, everything with Todd is very complicated," Tea pointed out, with a sad smile.

"I noticed you used the word 'was'. Do you feel you still have a relationship with Todd?"

Téa knew this wasn't going to be easy. Susannah was expecting more from her than she had expected to give today.

"Dr. Hanen," Téa began, "Todd and I never had a conventional marriage. Has Viki or Sam filled you in on any of this?"

"They told me that Todd loves you very much and that you love him. They also told me he made it very difficult for you to stay with him," Susannah confirmed.

Téa sighed. "Todd can be gentle, and loving, and God alone knows he's interesting. He can be funny. He is as smart as hell. He is also violent and frightening. I never know from minute to minute what will set him off or how he will react to something. He is so warm to his daughter, to Starr, but most of the time he is cold and distant. I know he can't help it. I . . .."

Téa broke down and started to cry. Susannah put her hand on Téa's shoulder and asked, "How do you know he can't help it? What indication has he given you that this was not his choice?"

Téa thought for a moment and said, "I always got the feeling that Todd wanted to give more, but just couldn't. He would get so close and then pull away. Sometimes it was as if my touch hurt him. I don't just mean my touching him physically. I mean if I touched his heart or his soul too. He always seemed to be in constant pain. I never knew what to do to make it hurt less. I could never really help him. I still can't.

"I know he had a horrible life and that his father was a monster. I know that probably colored everything in his life, but I thought I could change the colors. I thought I could be the one to turn it around for him. Instead I got turned around and Todd didn't get any better. He got sicker! I realize now that what I have been doing for the past few months is watching him fall apart, a little more each day than the day before, until he was totally shattered. Doctor Hanen, I don't know if I can be the one to pick up the pieces. I don't even know if I can find all the pieces."

Susannah's heart broke for this young woman. She could see that Téa loved Todd, but was it fair to ask her to stay with him? To give up her life for who knows how long, for something that may never be?

"Téa," Susannah began gently, "I know how much you love Todd. I can see it in your eyes. I can hear it in your voice. What I can't do is make you any promises about Todd. Right now he is very ill. I have had success treating patients with DID . . ."

"Yes," Téa interrupted, "Viki told me you were her doctor and Viki is fine now."

Susannah could tell Téa was trying to reassure herself as well as make a statement, so she hated to continue. Nevertheless, Susannah knew she had to be honest with this woman.

"Yes, Viki is fine now. However every case is different and Todd has a lot of issues to deal with that Viki didn't have."

Susannah, seeing the devastated look on Téa's face added, "Todd is young and very strong. It might not seem that way now, but Todd is very strong, both physically and emotionally. He is a survivor. He survived things that other people would have died from. In all likelihood he learned to start surviving almost from birth, and has probably had to fight for his right to just exist for almost as long.

"The path he took to survive looks scary and it seems as if he chose a way that just ripped him apart. It really is just the opposite, though. This was the only way for him to stay together, for him not to lose his mind completely. Believe it or not, Todd is lucky that he was bright enough and creative enough to use this means to survive. I honestly do not think he would be alive today if he had not splintered."

Téa was confused. "Are you saying Todd made a conscious choice to develop DID?"

"No, not at all. Todd had no idea what he was doing. The personalities came when he was very young, not much more than a baby. He needed to escape from somewhere that had no escape. He probably had been wanting to escape for a long time before something acted as the catalyst and caused him to create his own 'safe place' to run to."

Téa thought for a moment and then asked, "There is something I don't understand. You said Todd started creating these personalities when he was little more than a baby, but his mother didn't leave him until he was nine years old. You're not saying she abused him too, are you?"

"No, I'm not saying she abused him," Susannah answered.

With a look of horror on her face Téa asked, "You're not saying that Todd's mother knew he was being abused all those years and stood by and did nothing. That she let Peter torture him and didn't help him?"

Téa could tell from the look on Susannah's face that this was exactly what she was saying.

"Oh my God, poor Todd. No wonder he can't trust anyone," Téa nodded in acknowledgment, as tears slid down her cheeks. She then asked if it would be all right if she went in and sat with Todd for a while, promising Susannah she wouldn't wake him.

Susannah told her that would be fine and that Sam and Viki should be there soon. "I'll be in my office if anyone needs me," Susannah said, as she left.

Téa looked down at Todd. She started to touch his cheek, but took her hand away and thought, You were so alone. No one stood up for you. No one protected you. No one made it stop hurting. You're not alone now Todd. There are a lot of people who care about you and want to make it stop hurting.

Todd started to stir. He awoke with a start, his head turned away from Téa. He looked around the room, trying to remember where he was. Using his uninjured hand, he pushed himself into a sitting position and then he saw Téa.

"Delgado?" He asked in a hoarse whisper, "What . . ." Todd tried to clear his mind.

Téa could see he was confused and said, "I thought I'd come and visit with you for a while. How are you feeling?"

Todd was embarrassed. He hated having Téa see him like this. He also wondered when it was. How much time had passed since the last moment he remembered.

"I'm fine. Are you okay?" Todd asked, remembering what happened with Téa's car.

Téa could see that Todd felt awkward having her visit him like this. She wanted to tell him how much she loved him but only asked, "How is your hand? Does it hurt much? Are you in any pain?"

"Just my ribs a little, when I breath," Todd responded, as his movement made him wince in pain.

He looked away from Tea and confessed, "I really messed up your car, didn't I? I'll buy you another one or you can just buy one and charge it to me. I'm sorry, Delgado."

"Oh Todd, that's all right. I don't care about the car. I'm happy you weren't hurt worse than you were."

Todd looked around the room again and mumbled, "You know you kind of lose track being in a hospital. What day is it?"

"It's Tuesday," Téa informed him.

"No, I mean the date, what's the date?" Todd was trying to sound casual.

"July seventh," Téa answered.

Todd was relieved it was still the same day.

"Can I get you anything, something to read or to eat?" Téa asked.

"No, I don't need anything, thanks." Todd looked away from Téa again and whispered, "I'm sorry Delgado."

"Todd, I told you, I don't care about the car," Téa reminded him.

"No! I'm not talking about the car. I'm . . . I'm sorry about everything, Delgado. I'm sorry about everything from the day we met. I'm sorry I made you so unhappy. I'm sorry you got hurt. I'm just sorry!" Todd's eyes filling with tears.

"Todd, when I married you, I went into it with my eyes open."

"And they've been filled with tears ever since, Delgado," Todd pointed out, sadly, and finally looked at her. He then looked away again and said, "I do want one thing from you. I want you to divorce me and I want you to do it as fast as you can."

Téa could not believe what she had just heard. She knew how hard Todd had tried to keep her from leaving him. She knew how terrified Todd was of being abandoned. She wondered if this was another personality saying something Todd never would. "Todd, is that you? Are you . . .?"

"Of course it's me, Delgado. Do you see anyone else in the room!" Todd snapped.

"No . . . No . . . I- I just . . . I," Téa stuttered, not knowing what to say. She knew Todd did not know about the alters. Todd looked at her again and said,

"Téa, I know what I'm saying. I have nothing to offer you except more pain, more disappointment." Then in a louder voice he ordered, "I want you to leave, Delgado. NOW! Go on, get out of here."

"Todd," Téa started to stroke his hair, "You don't mean this. We can discuss it when you're feeling better we can . . ."

Todd pushed her hand away and in a low voice said, "I want you to leave." When Téa didn't move Todd started to scream, "GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!"

Viki and Sam had just gotten off the elevator and were about to walk into Todd's room when they heard him shouting. Rushing into the room they saw Téa standing there, tears streaming down her face, and Todd screaming "GET OUT!" to her.

"What's going on here? Why is he so upset?" Sam asked Téa.

Téa looked at Sam and Viki and ran out of the room. Viki went after her. Sam stayed with Todd. Sam, not sure who he was dealing with, gently asked, "Todd, what happened here pal? Why were you yelling at Tea to get out? Did she say or do something to upset you?"

"Yeah Sam, she loved me,"Todd answered and then turned on his side, his face away from Sam. "I want to be alone, okay Sam?"

Sam, not sure at all if that was okay, said, "Sure pal. I'll be right outside if you need me."

As Sam walked out, Todd could not stop the tears from spilling down his cheeks.

Sam saw Viki and Téa sitting in the lounge area and went to join them. "What happened in there?" He asked Téa.

"Todd wants a divorce. He wants me to file for divorce as soon as possible," Téa announced.

"Oh Téa, you know he doesn't mean it. My God, that might not have even been Todd in there," Viki did not want Téa to do anything rash.

"Sam, did he seem like Todd to you?" Téa asked.

"I . . . yeah . . . I don't know. Téa, I just don't know, but what I do know, and as a lawyer you should know, is that Todd cannot be held responsible for any decisions he makes now. What triggered this anyway?"

"You mean, what did I do to him!" Téa asked angrily.

Viki could see Téa was getting more upset by the minute.

"Téa, Sam didn't mean it like that," Viki said gently.

Calming down, Téa told them what happened. "I went into his room. He woke up. He seemed a little confused about when it was. He asked me the date. I told him it was July seventh. He said he was sorry for wrecking my car. He offered to buy me another one. Then he said he was sorry for everything, sorry we got married. He told me to divorce him, now! When I tried to reason with him he started yelling for me to get out. Then you came in."

Viki noticed that Téa told them about what had happened in a cold and disconnected manner, as if she were saying it for a jury. "Téa please, don't do anything now that you'll regret. Todd is very sick. Give him a chance. Talk to Susannah, see what she has to say about all this," Viki pleaded.

"Not tonight Viki. I've had enough for tonight. I'm going to visit some old friends in New York for a few days. Téa looked at Viki and Sam's distraught faces and assured them, "Don't worry, Todd's not gonna get rid of me that easily," and she left.

Todd had slipped away without even realizing it. Jimmy did not have to make Todd's head hurt this time. Jimmy knew he had to act quickly or he would lose his opportunity. He wondered what floor this room was on. He headed for the window. It looks high enough, he thought. He opened the window. A warm July breeze flowed in.

Jimmy knew he was doing the right thing. He knew that even if he was wrong and Todd would die along with him, it would be what Todd wanted.

Jimmy sat on the window sill and was about to climb out when he felt Miss Perkins tugging at him from inside and he heard her say, "Jimmy, you don't want to do this. Please! Come down from there. You're frightening the children."

He then heard Pete say, "Leave him alone. Maybe he's right? Maybe he will set us all free? Do it Jimmy! Do it!"

Sam and Viki were about to go to Susannah's office when they heard Miss Perkins cry out, "Mr. Rappaport, come quickly! Todd needs you. Hurry!"

Jimmy was half out the window by the time Sam reached him. While Sam was struggling with him, Viki called for help. It took Sam and three techs and two nurses to keep Jimmy from heading back to the window.

As Susannah came running down the hall she could hear Jimmy screaming, "NO! STOP! IT HURTS! DON'T TOUCH ME! STOP! PLEASE STOP! IT HURTS! IT HURTS! NO! NO! . . . OHHH . . . OHHHH" Jimmy shrieked, his screams ranging from low guttural moans to high-pitched howls. He sounded like a wounded animal.

Susannah stopped at the nurses station and ordered a sedative, stat! When she got to the room she saw Sam and the staff struggling with Jimmy and trying to hold him close. Viki was standing near them, the blood drained from her face.

Sam was saying, "I'm not gonna let you hurt yourself."

The room was filled with Jimmy's screams. As soon as the nurse brought the filled syringe, Susannah had them immobilize Jimmy.

"I think your name is Jimmy," Susannah said to the struggling boy, "So I'm going to call you that. Okay? This won't hurt you; it's just going to help you calm down and go to sleep. Jimmy, you need to hold still." Jimmy continued to struggle and scream in pain.

Finally, the sedative was administered. After a few minutes they felt Jimmy's body go limp in their arms and the screaming stopped, the room was suddenly and chillingly silent. After Jimmy was put back in bed Susannah checked his vital signs. She assured Sam and Viki that, physically, he was all right.

"You called him Jimmy. Is that another alter?" A still very upset and trembling Sam asked, as Viki took his hand. "

Yes, Miss Perkins told me about Jimmy. Jimmy is suicidal. He can't stand being touched in any way. She told me that even the slightest human touch causes him great pain."

Sam was beside himself. "Oh God! That's why he was screaming like that." A look of horror appeared on Sam's face as he realized that his touch had caused Todd so much pain. "I was trying to comfort him, but instead I was hurting him. Oh God, I didn't know."

Before Susannah had a chance to say it, Viki did. "Sam, don't you dare feel guilty. Of course you didn't know. No one knew about Jimmy and even if you had, what would you have done? Let him jump? You saved his life, and for that I will always be grateful to you."

Susannah approached them. "I want to have Todd transferred to an acute care unit on psychiatry, on seven." She could see this upset both Sam and Viki. "He won't be able to get out of the windows or the doors there. It's a lock-down unit. He will be safer. I know how upsetting this was, but you did get to him on time. How did you both know to come into his room?"

"He called us or at least Miss Perkins did. She said Todd needed Sam and he should hurry," Viki explained.

"Well," Susannah said, "I guess we all need to be grateful to Miss Perkins." Susannah, after checking on Todd one more time, went to make arrangements for his transfer.

Sam looked at Viki and saw that she was trembling. He put his jacket around her. "We could have lost Todd tonight." Tears made their way down Viki's cheeks as she said this.

"But we didn't and you know why?" Sam asked.

"Because you pulled him off the ledge, you saved him," Viki responded.

"No," Sam said, "Because he saved himself. Because Miss Perkins got help for him. A part of him may have wanted to die, but an even bigger part wanted to live. He's a fighter Viki. He always was."

"I know, but how much can he take before he just can't fight anymore, before he gets worn out from fighting. He probably has not had a day in his life that wasn't a struggle. How much can anyone take before they lose the will to fight?" Viki cried.

"Then we'll fight for him. If he can't fight for himself anymore we will be right there, and we will fight. We'll fight Jimmy, we'll fight Pete, we'll fight the damage Peter and Barbara did to him. We'll fight whatever and whomever we have to. Todd is not in this alone anymore." Viki rested her head on Sam's shoulder as he hugged her.

TO BE CONTINUED

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