"Oh my, I'm sorry. In all the confusion I forgot, how rude of me. My name is Miss Perkins, Emily Perkins. You don't have to worry. Todd is safe with me. When a tech and a nurse came into Todd's room Susannah told them they could leave. She wouldn't be needing them.

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Emily Perkins, Susannah thought, remembering what Todd's fourth grade teacher, Mr. Halpern, had told her. Susannah could see that Sam was stunned by this alter. Viki was not. Viki knew it was possible for an alter of the opposite sex to exist. Miss Perkins seemed to have an aura around her that demanded respect. Susannah noticed how Todd's body seemed different, smaller, more fragile, slightly hunched over, as Mr. Halpern had described.

"Miss Perkins," Susannah began, "May I look at your arm to see if it's all right?"

"Yes, of course you may," Miss Perkins replied, holding out her arm.

As Susannah was applying a bandage she pushed on. "Can you tell me how long you have been with Todd? How old was he when you came?"

"Yes, of course I can tell you. The question is will I tell you, my dear girl?"

Smiling slightly and feeling like she was back in grade school, Susannah apologized. "Yes, I'm sorry. Will you tell me when you came to live with Todd?"

"Todd was nine years old and a very sad little fellow, I'm afraid," Miss Perkins answered. Her eyes looked sad at the memory.

"Why was he so sad?" Susannah pressed.

"His mother, God rest her soul, had just left, and Todd and the other boys were feeling a little lost," Miss Perkins replied.

"Miss Perkins," Susannah asked, "How did you feel about Todd's mother leaving?"

Emily Perkins was taken by surprise by Susannah's question. No one had ever asked her how she felt about something. She had always concerned herself with how her boys felt about things. It was always about their needs and problems. Besides, Todd's parents and sister were no relation to her. She felt no need to explore her feelings for them.

"Doctor Hanen," Miss Perkins continued, "My feelings about Todd's mother are not personal. I'm sure she had her reasons for leaving. Unfortunately, Todd and the others might not have understood that. I come from a very happy home. My parents were devoted to my sister, brother and me, why they never as much as raised their voices to us. It was difficult seeing the kind of upbringing Todd and others had. That is why I knew how important it was for me to be there for them and to comfort them when they needed it. Occasionally, I must scold them, but I try to do it gently."

Susannah threw the bandage wrappers she was holding in the trash. "Miss Perkins can...I'm sorry, will you tell me about Pete, about how he came to live with Todd and why he is so angry?"

"Actually, my dear, 'can' would be most appropriate this time. Pete does not like anyone talking about him. He tries to stop anyone who does. I am not afraid of Pete. I cannot always get him to behave, however, I am not afraid of him. So yes, I can tell you about him, but not now. I really am dreadfully tired and would like to take a nap. These old bones of mine need their rest."

Susannah, realizing she had just been dismissed, said, "Of course, Miss Perkins, we can talk some other time."

Viki and Sam, who had been standing there in stunned silence, said their good-byes to Miss Perkins and left the room with Susannah.

"How many alters do you think he has?" Viki asked, when they were back in the lounge.

"A female alter?" Sam added.

"I had two male alters," Viki offered. "Sam, it is not unusual. Miss Perkins, like any of the alters, fills a specific need to Todd, she handles a specific feeling. Todd must have been devastated when his mother left," Susannah explained.

Shaking his head, Sam said, "I can only imagine what it must have been like for him to be left alone with a man like Peter. How terrified that child must have been to know that, now there would be no one at all to protect him. That he was totally alone with this monster. No wonder he had to invent a mother. I noticed Miss Perkins mentioned her parents and a sister and brother. What was she talking about?"

"Sometimes the alters invent entire families for themselves, the family Todd may have wished for." Or perhaps, Susannah thought to herself, the real Miss Perkins told Todd about her family.

"I know my brother would have gone insane if he had not had Miss Perkins and the others to be there for him. He wouldn't have survived without them," Viki added, her voice choking with emotion.

Sam marveled at Viki. He knew how hard her own life had been, and how she had overcome so much. He prayed her brother had the same strength.

Susannah wanted to fill Sam and Viki in on what she had learned in Chicago, but figured everyone had enough for now. "Why don't you two go out for a while. Do something fun for a change; go to a movie or something. I'll be here all day, settling in. I will check in on Todd throughout the day."

Sam turned to Viki. "You must be kind of tired, not that you look it," Sam smiled, "Why don't we go somewhere nice for lunch."

"Aren't you the diplomat," Viki responded, smiling herself. She then asked, "Susannah do you promise to call us if there is any problem or if Todd asks for us?"

"You have our cell phone numbers right?" Sam added.

"Yes, I have both your numbers. Now please, relax and take a few hours off." After Sam and Viki left, Susannah thought to herself how amazing it was that two people, who were total strangers just a few months ago, now seemed like concerned parents worried over their sick child.

Sam and Viki sat at a booth at Marino's, a small Italian restaurant. They had not wanted to go anywhere frequented by the people they knew. They were not in the mood to answer any questions about Todd.

"Sam, my brother is in for the fight of his life," Viki declared.

"He's strong, Viki. If he wasn't, he would not have survived until now. I mean, not only did he survive Peter, but look at all the things he's been through since he came to Llanview. Now let's order and talk about something else for a while. Let's talk about you," Sam suggested, not only hoping to distract Viki for a while, but because he really wanted to know more about her.

"Well, what would you like to know about me?" Viki asked.

"I know it's been a while since Sloan died. Have you been dating?" Sam asked smiling. "Or is there a chance for you and Clint to get back together?"

Viki liked Sam's direct manner. "No, I haven't been seeing Clint, and no I haven't been dating," Viki answered, her eyes twinkling.

"Would you like to?" Sam asked.

"Why Mr. Rappaport, are you asking me out on a date?" Viki asked in a slightly amused tone.

"Well . . . yeah, I guess I'm asking you out on a date . . . yeah," Sam answered, in a tone that almost bordered on shyness.

"Sam, I would be delighted to go out with you," Viki responded.

"What about you Sam? Have you dated much since you and your wife divorced?"

"No, not really. I had a couple of dates with Blair, but that didn't go anywhere."

"Blair?" Sam could hear the surprised tone in Viki's voice.

"Nothing came of it. So, tell me, what do you like? Movies? Concerts?"

"Sam, to tell you the truth, this, what we are doing right now, is what I like. I like just having someone to share a meal with, someone to talk to, and most of all someone who knows what I'm going through because you're going through the same thing. We both love Todd with all our hearts and both those hearts are breaking for him."

Sam took Viki's hand. Their eyes had a shared sadness as they looked at each other.

Miss Perkins woke with a start. She knew Doctor Hanen would be back to ask her more questions and she had to decide what was safe to tell and what wasn't. She knew the doctor needed information to help Todd and the other boys, but she also knew there was just so much she could offer. The rest of what she knew had to be kept, "in the vault", as she thought of it. "Some things can never be spoken of again," she said to herself.

Then she thought of that poor girl that Todd was married to. Miss Perkins wanted Todd to be happy and was pleased when he married Téa, even if it was for the wrong reasons, but she knew that Todd could never be a complete husband to Téa, at least not now. She did hope that Téa would not leave Todd, because that, truly, might be the last straw for her boys.

Téa had stayed away from the hospital for the past couple of days. She wanted to see Todd, but not like this. Just thinking about him as the "child" on the floor at the jail, or the way he had been in the recovery room, was like a knife through Téa's heart. God! I don't know how Viki and Sam can see him like that, so helpless and confused, and in so much pain, Téa thought. She immediately felt guilty and weak because she was leaving Todd's care to them. Again she thought of the marriage vow she had taken, "for better or worse. In sickness and in health". She knew her marriage to Todd started out to be just for the money and those vows meant nothing to her at the time. Now she couldn't stop thinking about them. She loved Todd so much, but was it enough? Was it enough to help him, enough to watch him suffer, enough to stay his wife? Tea decided to go see Todd.

Susannah looked in on Miss Perkins and saw that her patient was awake and calmly playing solitaire with the playing cards Sam had brought Tom. "Hello, how are you feeling?" Susannah asked.

"I'm fine, thank you for asking Doctor Hanen," Miss Perkins politely replied. She put the playing cards back in their box.

"Miss Perkins," Susannah began, "Would it be all right if I asked you a few questions now? Are you feeling up to it?"

"Yes, that would be all right," Miss Perkins answered.

"Would it be all right with you if I recorded our session?" Susannah asked.

Viki had already given her permission. Miss Perkins thought about it for a moment. She didn't feel completely comfortable agreeing to that. Still, she could not really think of any reason not to, so she said, "Yes."

"I was wondering if Todd and the others were with you right now?" Susannah asked.

"They are safe," Miss Perkins answered.

"Can you see them or hear them?"

"If I want to, all except Todd. He tends to hide when he's inside." Miss Perkins surprised Susannah with her answer.

"Miss Perkins," Susannah continued, "Why do you think it is that Todd hides and the others don't?"

"Well, perhaps because he has more to hide from." Miss Perkins leaned in closer to Susannah. In a hushed tone she whispered, "Todd has the least memories of us all. He really cannot give you very much information, Doctor Hanen. I wish you wouldn't pressure him to tell you about things he simply cannot remember because he wasn't even there."

"What about you Miss Perkins? Do you remember everything that has happened to Todd and the others?"

"I have an excellent memory Doctor Hanen," Miss Perkins replied cryptically.

"Were you the first one to 'come live' with Todd?"

"Yes and no. You see I was there, inside Todd, from the beginning, however, I did not really feel like a person. I never came out. I believe Timmy was the first to come out, then Tom, then I, then Jimmy. Rodd would be next and then Pete. By the way, Doctor Hanen, allow me to apologize for Pete. I know how he can misbehave."

"Will you tell me a little bit about each of the alters you mentioned?" Susannah asked.

She noticed Miss Perkins looked somewhat offended.

"Did I say something to offend you, Miss Perkins?" Susannah asked.

"The term alters; why did you use that?" Miss Perkins inquired.

"Well, that is what Todd's other personalities are called, alters," Susannah explained.

"Well, I certainly do not like being referred to as an alter. Doctor Hanen, I am a person the same as any other person, the same as you. I have my own ideas, feelings and preferences. We all do. I do not like to speak for the others, however I do not imagine they would like the term either," Miss Perkins explained in a stern tone.

"Miss Perkins," Susannah began, making a mental note to herself to let Sam, Viki, and Téa know not to refer to Todd's other personalities as alters to their face because it was offensive to them. Of course, Susannah realized eventually they will have to accept the fact that they are alters and can not live independently of Todd, "I apologize if I've offended you or any of the others. I will not refer to any of you that way again. I do respect the fact that you see yourself as an individual."

"Thank you dear, I accept your apology. I believe the question was you wanted to know a little bit about each of us." Miss Perkins prayed Doctor Hanen would be satisfied to learn only about those she mentioned.

"Let me begin with Timmy. Timmy is four years old. He came when Todd was also four years old. Timmy has dark brown hair and eyes. He is thin and small for his age." Then Miss Perkins whispered, "Timmy does not know Todd's parents are dead, so you must be very careful about what you say to him. Tom . . . Tom is seven years old. Todd was seven when he came. Tom has long hair like Todd's, but he is blond and has green eyes. Jimmy . . . Jimmy is fourteen. He looks the most like Todd. Jimmy is very sad. He doesn't mean to hurt anyone. He just wants to make it stop hurting. I try to keep Jimmy close to me and keep him from getting out. Then there is Ro . . ."

Susannah hated to, but she had to interrupt Miss Perkins at this point. "Who does Jimmy want to hurt and why?"

"Himself, Doctor Hanen. Jimmy does not want to be alive. He is in constant pain, not just emotional but physical pain. There is not a part of his body that doesn't hurt. He cannot stand being touched, not even by me. If someone were to . . . as much as brush against him, it would cause him excruciating pain. He wants to die. He sees it as the only way out of his suffering and a way to be reunited with his mother. Unfortunately, he believes that he will not hurt the others if he were to harm himself. I try to keep Jimmy inside and I usually succeed."

Trying not to show how concerned she was about what Miss Perkins had just told her, Susannah asked, "Has Jimmy ever actually attempted to harm himself?"

Miss Perkins hesitated. She was afraid she had said too much. Even though she wanted to stay in the safety of the hospital, she knew how upset, angry, and frightened some of the others would be if she caused them to be kept there one day longer than necessary.

"Miss Perkins, please, you were about to tell me if Jimmy ever tried to harm himself. It's all right. I won't do anything. I just want to know." Susannah promised, reassuringly, sensing Miss Perkins' reluctance to answer.

"Yes, Jimmy has tried a few times, but he did not succeed. As you know, Todd is still with us," Miss Perkins responded, trying to make light of the situation. Miss Perkins felt worn out and wanted to relinquish the body to someone else. She hated being rude, but she really did not want to go into a long explanation for leaving. She would just have to apologize the next time she saw Doctor Hanen.

"Hi, where's Sam? He said he was going to bring me a new video game?"

"Hello Tom. You popped out so fast, you surprised me," Susannah admitted, smiling. "Sam will be back later. How would you like to play a game with me?"

"Okay," Tom replied, shrugging his shoulders.

Susannah sat on the bed. "I'll say a word to you and you say the first word that pops into your head. Don't think about it. Just say the first thing you think of, okay?"

Tom nodded his head. Susannah got mostly typical reactions for the first few words. Then the words started to upset Tom.

"Child," Susannah said.

"Trapped," was Tom's association.

"Mother," Susannah continued.

"Note," Tom responded. Susannah could see tears welling up in his eyes.

"Father," Susannah went on.

"Hurt . . . I don't want to play any more. I don't like this game. I want Coach. I want my Coach!" Tom cried out. He laid on his side and buried his face in the pillow.

Susannah, seeing she had taken it as far as she could at this time, brushed Tom's hair back from his face and decided to take a different direction. "It's okay, we can stop if you want to. Can you tell me what upset you?"

Tom shrugged his shoulders, and then said, "He's bad."

"Who's bad?" Susannah pressed, leaning over his shoulder so she could hear his muffled voice.

"The little boy, he's real bad," Tom answered.

"What did he do that is so bad?" Susannah asked.

"He made his mom leave," Tom responded. "Tom, your mom left because your father was bad, not because you were," Susannah informed him gently, trying to comfort him.

Unfortunately, this had the opposite effect. Tom became very agitated. He sat up and cried, "I didn't say my dad was bad. He's gonna get real mad if you tell him I said he was bad, but my dad's not here is he? Tom asked, looking around the room. "He was here. I saw him. I think . . . I . . . I want Coach! I want Coach! I want Sam! Coach! Coach! I want Sam!" Tom was crying loudly and extremely agitated.

Susannah could see he was getting confused and disoriented and thought Peter was still alive. "Tom, I'm going to call Sam right now, but first I want you to calm down."

Then suddenly Tom started crying out, "No! Don't! I'm sorry. Please! Okay, I'll be quiet. I'll be quiet. I'll be quiet!" He turned onto his stomach laying face down on the bed.

Susannah could see his body lurch every couple of seconds. She noticed he was holding his hands up above his head and his wrists together, as if they were bound by something. She realized he was having a flashback of something from his past.

"It's all right Tom. It's not happening now," Susannah soothed, rubbing his back, "You're safe. You're in the hospital. Your dad's not here. Shhhh, it's all right. It's not happening now."

"It hurts! It hurts!" Tom cried out, his voice muffled by the pillow. "No one is hurting you now. I'm right here with you. I won't let anyone hurt you."

Susannah could feel his body start to relax a little and asked, "Can you turn around so I can see you? Hmm, it's okay." Tom hesitated a moment and then turned over. He was still holding his wrists together. Susannah took his hands into hers and asked, "Honey, can you tell me what's wrong with your hands? Why are you holding them together?"

"They're tied up," Tom answered. "Who tied them up? It's okay, you can tell me." Tom drew his knees up and buried his head in them. Susannah put her arms around him and gently rocked him back and forth and said, "You don't have to tell me now if you don't want to."

She held his wrists and said, "Look! I'm going to untie them, okay?" She then went through the motions of untying his wrists.

Tom looked down at his hands and then looked up at Susannah. His expression clearly one of surprise as he wondered how she did that. He separated his hands and looked around the room. "

He's not here?" Tom asked, in a confused tone.

"Are you talking about your dad?" Susannah asked. Tom nodded.

"No, he's not here," Susannah assured him.

"My dad is dead right? But it gets mixed up in my brain sometimes," Tom said, looking straight at Susannah.

"I know it does honey," Susannah stroked his cheek. "We're gonna try to get it unmixed up, okay? Tom nodded. He wiped his eyes and nose with his hands.

"Why don't you lay down now and try to get some sleep and by the time you wake up Sam and Viki will be here?" Susannah suggested. Tom obediently laid down and rested his head on the pillow.

Susannah stood up and to her surprise, Tom took her hand and asked, "Will you stay with me until I fall asleep? Please!"

"Of course I will. Now you close your eyes," Susannah stroked his hair. She knew that she had started to bond with her patient.

TO BE CONTINUED

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