Tea: (Angry:) Then why didn't you come back when the cabana door was stuck and I was calling to you?
Todd: (Quietly:) You didn't want anything to do with me. I couldn't take you yelling at me anymore, it hurt too much. I was shutting down. You wanted to get away from me, so I left you in the cabana. I wish I hadn't. I'd just lost everything. I didn't know you were in danger, or I would never have left you in there. Not ever. I would've stayed, but you didn't want me anymore. I did turn to look, when you were yelling to me about the door being stuck, but then I kept walking.
Tea: (Icily:) I needed you then.
Todd: (Quietly:) How did it start?
Tea: I started throwing things and knocked a candle over.
Todd: (Very sadly:) It was my fault. I'm sorry.
Tea: No. This was my own fault. I was enraged at you and I started trashing the cabana, and it caught fire. I tried to go after you, but the door had jammed again. I turned around and the room was on fire.
Todd: (Quietly, focusing:) I came back. Will and Roseanne came to tell us the cabana was on fire, and I went running. Sam didn't believe me when I said you were in there, so I had to convince him. We broke in. I found you. Sam was useless. I carried you out of the cabana and held you, willing you to live.
Tea: (Incredulous:) You did?
Todd: I begged you to live. I begged you to look at me while I was holding you and shouting at you to live. "You live, Tea! Live!" (His voice cracks.) You opened your eyes, (anguish:) but you wouldn't look at me.
Tea: (Calmly:) I saw you.
Todd: (Reacts with silent surprise.)
Tea: I was in and out of it then. I heard you calling me, but I wasn't sure it was really you. (Quietly:) Sam says he did it all. Why? Why did you come back?
Todd: (Anguish and frustration:) Because I love you! (Takes a breath, swallows.) Look, I'm a monster with a sucking chest wound. I'm walking around with my guts hanging out, only no one can see. I don't want other people to see it, or they'll start poking sharp sticks into me.
Tea: (Curious:) And the nightmares?
Todd: (Intensely:) HELL..... (Defensive:) Look, you wanted me to talk to you, right? How do I know you'll really listen and not run away because you don't like what you hear, or you think I'm still someone else and you don't like that?
Tea: (Honestly:) I'll stay. I have stayed, through your return, through your nightmares....
Todd: (Sarcastic:) Why? (Serious:) I'm a gaping, ugly wound. I'm a monster. Everyone says so. I hurt people, you said that's what I do, and it's true. I pushed you away and kept you away for months, warning you away. Warning you I'll only end up hurting you, so get out while you can, but you didn't listen! I threw you out that night into the snow so I wouldn't hurt you. It took everything for me to do that. I wanted nothing more than to be close to you, but I knew I'd end up hurting you if I let you in. How's that for "basketcase logic"?
Tea: (Almost shrill:) You weren't protecting me, all you cared about was saving yourself!
Todd: (Intense:) I warned you that it's what I do, you knew I was a rapist but you fell in love with me, anyway. That's pretty twisted, Tea. How stupid was that? You were incredibly stupid. You're so smart, except about me.
Tea: Oh, I see. You're hurting right now, so you're going to turn it around and blame me for this?
Todd: (Looks horrified.) I-I-I....
Tea: (Crosses to him and gets in his face.) I'm on to you, Manning!
Todd: (He backs away a few steps and she advances as many steps. He looks like he wants to hide, raking his hands through his hair, holding his head, squeezing his eyes shut briefly and then staring into space. He appears overwhelmed. They are now by his desk.)
Tea: Don't you shut down on me, Manning! (Pauses.) Todd?
Todd: (Breaks trance suddenly, startling. Quietly:) What? (Looks at her, sad, haunted, and frightened.) I wrecked our marriage.
Tea: (Stands her ground, looks in his eyes. Quietly:) It's ok.
Todd: (Shouts:) It's not ok! (Intensely:) I want to make this right.
Tea: (Calm:) We can. I'm still here. I understand you better, can read you better now. I know you're hurting. Let me in?
Todd: (Frustrated:) I would if I could! It's been so long. I'm really trying to.... (Sounding very doubtful:) but if this isn't good enough......
Tea: (Quietly:) You said you tried to love me.
Todd: (Intensely, his voice strained:) I do! I did try. (His voice cracks. Draws a breath, exhales. Pause, quietly:) Last time I said something like that you walked out on me.
Tea: (Matter-of-factly, calm:) I sent you away.
Todd: (Shouts:) You laughed in my face!
Tea: (Calm:) Yes, I did.
Todd: (Looking down:) I was sure you hated me then. (Looking in her eyes, raising his voice:) Where was your unconditional love for me then?! You betrayed me, just like Sam and Viki did that day! None of you wanted to know what was really happening with me. I tried to explain. I did.
Tea: (Raising her voice:) I didn't believe you anymore then, the tape had just been played! How could I listen to anything else you would say? How could I believe anything you said then? You said you weren't sure you loved me, but I married you anyway! I was convinced by your honesty about it and your earnest willingness to try to make it work. (Sternly:) After the tape you dragged me back into the cabana from the bathroom, threw me on the bed --
Todd: (Shouting:) At least it was on the bed and not the floor!
Tea: (Glares at him a moment, and continues when he's done, shouting:) -- and you told me you tried to love me! Tried? Are you so incapable of giving love?! Can you only take it and then destroy it?
Todd: (Silent, his face masklike, but subtly very pained.)
Tea: (Yelling:) You betrayed me, Todd! In front of everyone we know, in front of Sam, in front of your sister, even Starr! You humiliated me on our wedding day!
Todd: I didn't play that tape! (suddenly very anguished expression, paralyzed.)
Tea: No, but you were about to kill whoever had played it!
Todd: (Anguished, speech seems difficult:) I couldn't. Not my kid.
Tea: And what about Sam? He was the one who pushed "play" for Starr.
Todd: (Flustered, having trouble coping:) I --
Tea: You could have gone after Sam for playing the tape!
Todd: I couldn't. (Seems to shiver a moment.)
Tea: (Flashes a look of concern at him, then angrily:) Why not? He's a convenient target! He's not a little child.
Todd: (Visibly shaken, but visibly trying to contain it:) No. Not Max?
Tea: No. Sam.
Todd: Blair, she was threatening to take my daughter away from me forever, Tea. I didn't know what else to do, I panicked. I just lost it, Delgado. It was the last straw at that point. I became someone else, someone who could deal with Blair.
Tea: (Incredulous:) Pete?
Todd: (Face blank, eyes show fear and sadness:) Yeah. Tom first.
Tea: Why should I believe you?
Todd: (With difficulty:) He said it.
Tea: He said what? Which of you said it? Sweet Tom? Pete? You said a lot of things on that tape.
Todd: (With difficulty:) Pete wants.....
Tea: (Growing impatient:) "He" wants what?
Todd: (With difficulty:) He... uhhh.... I-I (takes a breath) .... uhhh....
Tea: What does he want, Todd?
Todd: (Emotional but quiet:) He said it, Delgado. He said it.
Tea: Ok.... it's on the tape, right?
Todd: (Looks ashamed and frightened, looks down.) I lied to Blair. It wasn't just a game. She and Max wanted The Sun.
Tea: Blackmail?
Todd: (Nods, swallows hard.)
Tea: On top of the jail time over your head?
Todd: (Nodding, quietly:) Yeah. Because of it.
Tea: Todd, look at me.
Todd: (Shakes his head, swallows hard again.)
Tea: (More insistent:) What does Pete want?
Todd: I'd lost control of things. He had to come up with something. (Close to tears.) How can you stand to look at me, Delgado? (Struggles for composure, hugging himself.) I couldn't go back to jail, Tea. (Looks at her, pleading:) You don't know what happened to me there.
Tea: You don't tell me about it, all I have are dry Police and Prison reports.
Todd: You said when we were first meeting up that you'd read all about me in those dry reports, you knew all about me, then.
Tea: I know you were badly beaten in prison.
Todd: (Averts his eyes and tilts his head as if ashamed, quietly:) There were other things.
Tea: Were you assaulted?
Todd: I tried to kill myself. Zach got me some pills, only I couldn't take them. I didn't have the guts. It was Rebecca, I thought she didn't love me, and I needed her love to live then. I didn't think I could go on without her.
Tea: I always wondered what kind of friend would help you kill yourself in that kind of situation.
Todd: I don't have friends. I wouldn't know.
Tea: That's not true.
Todd: (Shrugs shoulders slightly.) I forced him to. I begged him to. I thought I was already dead and no one would care if I really did die. Peter had disowned me.
Tea: A blessing in disguise, huh?
Todd: (Smiles sadly, sighing sadly.) Then CJ and Sarah's letter came, and.... I couldn't do it.
Tea: Why did their letter make a difference?
Todd: They made me feel wanted. Missed. They were little still, they cared about me, my dying would have hurt them. I suddenly couldn't do that. They were trying to get me out of prison. They were just kids, but they cared about me and no one else did. I wanted to stick around and find out how that would feel.
Tea: How does it feel?
Todd: (Gulps.) Scary as hell. (Thinks.) Good, too.
Tea: (Undeterred:) What does Pete want?
Todd: (Shakes self, looks at her:) You're persistent.
Tea: It's important. You're important.
Todd: To who?
Tea: Me. What does Pete want?
Todd: (Looks down again.) To be me. He said on that stupid tape he's damn good at being somebody else. (Struggling:) You all bought it, you all thought.... (losing his words:) he's not....
Tea: (Quietly:) You.
Todd: (With difficulty:) He's not.
Tea: You can't ignore him. Even you said he's part of you.
Todd: (Looks at her:) A very ugly, angry part of me. He's not the only one inside my head like that.
TO BE CONTINUED
