PREVIOUSLY

Todd: (Opens the door slowly and looks around the door to see if Starr is asleep. He enters the room and stands over her bed, looking at her, watching his daughter sleeping peacefully. He takes off his boots quietly and sets them aside, takes off and drops his jacket to the floor at his feet. Then he gets quietly into the bed next to Starr, gathers her up against him under the covers, and holds her in his arms as she sleeps. He leans against the headboard and falls asleep like this, halfway sitting in the bed.)

[Scene ends.]

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[Scene: Penthouse 2. Todd's bedroom. Nighttime, the next night after the return from the cabin. Music is Nirvana's "Come As You Are", includes first chorus and fades just before guitar solo in bridge. About a 90 second scene, music starts as Todd paces, chorus plays when he finishes speaking.]

Todd: (Paces the room, raking his hands through his hair, obviously agitated.)

Tea: (From bed:) Todd? What's wrong?

Todd: Can't sleep.

Tea: Another nightmare?

Todd: Just can't sleep. (Pause. Paces.) There are two reasons I don't want guns in this house: Starr..... (Turns to face Tea.) and me.

[Scene ends.]

[Scene: PH2, Todd at his desk, on the phone in the morning.]

Todd: Dr. Boyd, please. (Pause.) Todd Manning. He knows me. (Pause. He looks around the room, fidgeting, plays with things on his desk with his free hand.) Ok. I'd like to make an appointment to start seeing him again.

[Fade. Scene ends.]

[Scene: Penthouse 2 livingroom, later that same morning.]

Tea: (Stands at stage right, near the stairs and near the couch.) I want you to be honest with me, Todd, and tell me what's been going on.

Todd: (Stands at stage left near that end of the couch.) I owe you that. No more games with you, no more lies, no more hiding.

Tea: (Crosses her arms across her chest.) Yes, especially after last year.

Todd: I'm doing my best. This is very hard, Delgado. I thought I was faking, too. Until Viki's cabin.

Tea: You threatened me with a firepoker.

Todd: (Steadily, confidently, quietly:) That was Pete. I woke up in time to stop him. He didn't hurt you??

Tea: No, you didn't.

Todd: (Patiently:) Pete.

Tea: You woke up?! You were there the whole time! The poker was in your hands! (Pointing at him for emphasis twice.)

Todd: That's what it sure looked like when I woke up! Why are you doubting me, Delgado? After all this time since my return, all that's happened, I thought we were on the mends. I thought you believed me, and believed in me again.

Tea: (Firmly:) Pete is a part of you.

Todd: (Truthfully:) Yes, he is. He's a scary guy. I was out of control.

Tea: Does he scare you?

Todd: (Truthful, but steady:) Yes.

Tea: (Calmly:) I've been back and forth since our wedding night as to whether to believe in the DID or not.

Todd: (Intense but steady:) It's very real, Tea. I wish it weren't.

Tea: (Anger rising:) You really don't get it, do you?

Todd: (Defensive, nostrils flaring:) Get what?! That I went cuckoo, nuts, bananas, like my sister? That what my Dad did to me broke me inside so bad I can't get my head on straight? Or, that I'm an emotional cripple who doesn't know how to love?! Oh, I get it all right, Delgado! I get it. What I don't get is feelings and how to show more than anger. How to show you I love you without being scared out of my wits or hurting you.

Tea: (Urgent:) I want you to show me that you get it, show me that you love me!

Todd: (Anguished:) Don't you see?! When I do, it gets misinterpreted, or it isn't enough, it isn't seen, it's too late; or it's just plain wrong!

Tea: You rarely show it in the first place!

Todd: (Dismayed and frustrated:) That's just what I mean! I do! I do show it. All the time, in so many ways, but nobody sees it.

Tea: (Pressing on:) For example: You barely touch me, we've made love exactly once --

Todd: (Panicking:) Wasn't I gentle enough?! I didn't hurt you?? I don't ever want to hurt you.

Tea: But you do always manage to find some way to.

Todd: I won't touch you again if I hurt you in bed, I swear! (Takes a step or two back, hands up in front of him by his shoulders.) It was too soon. I'm s-- I'm sorry. (Looks in her eyes.)

Tea: (Gently:) You were wonderful and caring, gentle, unselfish, and loving. Very loving.

Todd: (Puts his hands down at his sides. Brightens a little:) See? I can do it, I can show you. Remember Valentine's Day?

Tea: That was very sweet. And then you withdrew from me again, shut me out.

Todd: (Tries to explain and sound calm:) I was hurting really badly. I was barely functional at all once the nightmares started. A couple weeks before then it all started to fall apart, remember?

Tea: (Pressing him:) Why can't you share yourself with others, Todd? Why can't you let us carry some of that? We can love you and reach out to you, and then you bite us for it!

Todd: (Miserable, his face an anguished yet blankly protective mask, faces Tea:) I am reaching out to you! Right now! It's taking everything I have to DO this, Delgado! (Angry:) You knew who I was, Delgado! You knew what I was, what I am!

Tea: I only thought I did! I know you're a rapist, you use people and spit them out --

Todd: (Dejected, despairing, and barely keeping it together:) Not again..... (Chews his lower lip. Another step backwards.) I told you I would never let you go, and... (Steps forward two strides.)... I can't. I love you, Tea. Please believe I do.

Tea: Why? You're still using me!

Todd: (Emotional, but controlling it:) I'm being honest, here! You asked me to be honest with you. To trust you. (Raking his hand through his hair.) I need you, Tea. You help me when no one else can. You find me ..... where no one else would think to look, and when no one else would even try.

Tea: It isn't my job to fix you, you know. You have to do that yourself.

Todd: I can't do it alone, Tea! If I could, I wouldn't be such a mess now. I-I.... need your help to get through this. (Quietly:) No. I don't deserve you. I have to do this myself.

Tea: (Quietly:) No. No, Todd. (Louder:) And what do you do for me?

Todd: (Miserable:) I don't know.... I-I-I... (Mild sarcasm:) let you bite me.

Tea: Why don't you know? I'm not biting you!

Todd: Yes, you are! With your words!

Tea: And you're letting me!

Todd: (Relenting slightly:) You're reaching me. You're scary. Needing you is scary. I used to think I didn't need anyone. I don't want to! I used to think you didn't need anyone, either, certainly not me. But on our wedding night I saw that you wanted me as badly as I wanted you and I was scared, but happy at the same time. You didn't push me, you let me push myself, and I was going ok until that damn tape. (Deep breath. Pause. Face softens, his emotions surface a little more.) I saw and am still in awe of how much you love me. I was ready then to give you all of me: my heart, my body, everything.

Tea: (Quietly:) So was I.

Todd: All that junk about love and trust finally got to me. I was ready to show you, to reach out to you. You got me to trust you more than anyone ever has. You got in deeper than anyone else.

Tea: So did you.

Todd: (After a pause, quietly:) Do you remember that song I chose that played when I was kissing you?

Tea: (Thinking. Remembers.) "I love you"?

Todd: Yes.

Tea: Is that what you were trying to tell me? That you were finally committing to me and showing me you loved me?

Todd: (Emotional:) Yes. Oh, yes.

Tea: And then the tape played.....

Todd: (Deep breath, winces in anguish. Pause..) After the tape, when you needed me, and I couldn't be there for you..... and when you almost died because of me..... (he can't speak anymore, doing everything he can to keep from crying. Looks away from her.)

Tea: (Steps towards him 3-4 steps, to about the middle of the couch. He looks at her. Angrily:) I was angry, I was hurt, I was humiliated and confused. Here was the man I loved, I had just married, and yet he had been faking a major mental illness the whole time!

Todd: (With feeling in his voice, his face a mask, looking in her eyes, quietly:) Not faking.

Tea: (Angrily:) Just when were you going to tell me about this?

Todd: (Quietly:) After.... If ever.

Tea: (Yelling:) If ever?!

Todd: (Pleads:) Listen! (Waits for her attention.) I was so scared. I had just come into myself days before.... (Anguished:) you can't know what that's like! (Takes a deep breath, continues:) You had married me.... I had you in my arms.... (Almost a whisper, he's so intense:) I had you in my arms, warm and safe. I even felt safe with you. (More normal volume, after a breath, he is trying to remain steady and composed:) I trusted you, I even trusted myself with you.... And then that stupid tape played, and you turned on me. I didn't know it really existed until it played. I ripped the speaker off the wall to make it stop.

Tea: (Evenly:) The tape was very convincing that you were faking.

Todd: (Intensely:) It was evidence I wasn't, but you didn't listen. Nothing I could pull myself together to say would be heard, I could see that. None of you wanted to hear me out. Did you trust me so little that you thought I'd've said those things? Done those things? To you? To Viki?! I love my sister!

TO BE CONTINUED