Susannah felt relief for now. She knew that hearing Tea's voice as he was coming to and seeing Tea and Kevin as soon as he opened his eyes had helped alleviate some of his fears and reduced his need to dissociate. Viki and Sam cautiously walked over to Timmy. Susannah saw the happiness and relief in there faces when Timmy held his arms out for a hug. Kevin put his hand on Tea's shoulder. She looked up at him. The joy on his face matching hers. They all watched as Viki and Sam hugged their child. Tea looked at Timmy, snuggled in his parent's arms, and felt as if her heart would burst with love for him.

*****

Susannah called down to the kitchen and had them send up several portions of french toast sticks. They all had a late breakfast with Timmy. Kevin was good to his word and managed to keep a straight face as he told one silly joke after another to Timmy. One was so bad that everyone in the room, except Timmy, groaned at it. "They just don't appreciate good chicken jokes," Kevin remarked.

The sound of Timmy's giggles and laughter was a pleasure for everyone to hear. Kevin put his arm around Timmy and hugged him.

Bill excused himself for a few minutes. He went down to his car and came back with enough toys and souvenirs for all the child alters. In the bag was a puzzle of the Chicago skyline, a children's book called, "I Live in Chicago," a baseball, baseball glove and a cap, all with the familiar circular blue and red Chicago Cubs logo on it and a couple of stuffed animals. He also had a dollhouse down in his car for Lisa and Sarah. He would bring that up some other time.

Bill approached Timmy. "I seem to remember that as soon as you're well enough Kevin and Sam are going to teach you to be a the best baseball player in the world." Timmy looked up at Bill and nodded. "Well, I thought I'd give you a head start." Bill handed the baseball souvenirs to Timmy.

Bill loved seeing Timmy's eyes open wide with surprise and happiness. "Kevin look!" Timmy shouted gleefully.

"Wow!" Kevin exclaimed. He took the cap from Timmy's hands and put it on Timmy's head "Where'd Timmy go? This is a professional ball player sitting here. Excuse me, Sir. Have you seen Timmy?" Kevin kidded.

"It's me, Kevin. I'm Timmy," Timmy giggled. In his innocence, he took Kevin seriously.

Kevin lifted up the cap. "Hhha! It is! Look at that! It's really our Timmy." Timmy's laughter was music to their ears. Kevin put the cap back down on Timmy's head.

Timmy turned to Bill. "Thank you Mr. Jackson. Can I share everything with Andy?"

Bill was impressed with Timmy's generosity. He rested his hand on top of the cap on Timmy's head and patting it, answered, "Sure Timmy. You are a very good little boy."

Timmy got up from the table and showed his cap, glove and ball to Tea, Sam, Viki and Susannah. Timmy looked at his still bandaged right hand. "I can't catch the ball good." Sadness replaced his smile.

"The bandages will come off soon, sweetie. Then you will be able to wear the glove and catch the ball," Susannah assured him.

"Do you think Andy can come play with me? He can wear the glove first, until my hand gets better."

Susannah put her arm around Timmy's shoulders. "Sweetie, Andy's hand is hurt too. He wouldn't be able to wear it either."

"I think my buddy here and I can still play with the ball. We can just roll it to each other," Kevin suggested.

"Daddy too?" Timmy requested.

"Sure, pal. I think I can manage to get these old bones down on the floor," Sam joked.

They took turns rolling the ball to Timmy. His coordination was still off. He would miss and go crawling after the ball. Sam and Kevin exchanged looks when this happened for the fourth time. Timmy was starting to get upset and frustrated. "I'm real clumsy," he put himself down dishearteningly. Timmy's head hung down.

Kevin remembered what Viki told him Susannah said about Timmy's motor skills. He still didn't want to believe that there might be a problem. "You're not clumsy, Timmy. It's hard to catch a ball with a bandaged hand, even when it's rolled on the floor. I think you're doing a great job," Kevin encouraged Timmy. He gave Timmy gave a small tug to the tip of the baseball cap Timmy had on.

Timmy still tired very easily and the constant crawling after the ball was causing him to become short of breath. Susannah knew he had enough. She also wanted him to calm down because Doctor Anderson, Timmy's neurologist, was going to be coming to examine him soon. "Sweetie, why don't you hop into your bed for a while and look at your new book?" Susannah suggested.

"Can I keep my hat on?" Timmy asked.

"Sure. You can even bring your ball and glove to the bed with you if you want to," Susannah answered.

*****

Timmy was a little frightened when Doctor Anderson first got there. Susannah learned that telling most of the alters about things like doctor visits and procedures in advance only increased their anxiety, so she said nothing until Doctor Anderson showed up. He patiently explained each test so that is seemed like a game to Timmy.

After he was finished, Tea, Kevin and Bill distracted Timmy with his new Chicago picture book so Viki, Sam and Susannah could talk to Doctor Anderson across the room.

"I see no indication of any neurological deficits at this point. I do however see a decline in his motor and cognitive skills." Viki and Sam looked at each other with fear in their eyes. Noticing this, Doctor Anderson quickly continued, "I agree with Susannah that it is most likely being caused by depression and possibly the many medications he's on. Children are especially hard hit. I really don't feel putting him through more extensive and invasive testing is called for right now. If you continue to notice a decline in his cognitive and motor skills then we may want to do a CT scan and an EEG." Doctor Anderson turned to Susannah. "Are you planning on changing the antidepressant?"

"Most likely. I would like to wait until Todd surfaces and see how he's doing. Todd is still very depressed, but he was more communicative the last few times he was out and I'd hate to change the meds if he is starting to get some relief from it."

Doctor Anderson shook his head. "Prescribing for this patient must be a nightmare."

"Yeah, tell me about it!" Susannah replied.

Viki and Sam thanked Doctor Anderson. Timmy wanted to go to the playroom. Of course he wanted everyone to come along. Susannah told him that she and Mr. Jackson would walk with him to the playroom, but that they had to go back to her office.

"I want you to stay with me!" Timmy's voice took on the same whining and demanding quality that she had noticed, for the first time, the other day.

"Sweetie, I will come back later. I am only going to my office, down the hall. Maybe later you can come to my office and we can talk for a while." Physically, Timmy seemed up for a session. "Now come on, let's head to the playroom because Alan has another patient coming in a little later and he will need to prepare."

"You promise you'll come back later?"

"Yes, I promise," Susannah assured him.

"Daddy, can you make an offisal promise for Doctor Hanen to come back later?"

Sam looked at Susannah. She nodded. She knew that Timmy was getting comfort from the "official promises." Sam got out his legal pad and notary seal and quickly wrote a few sentences and both Timmy and Susannah signed it. Once again Timmy could not remember how to spell his name. He seemed to have even more trouble holding the pen than he did yesterday. Sam helped steady his hand. Sam, Viki, and Tea accompanied Timmy and Kevin to the playroom. Susannah and Bill headed for her office.

*****

"He loved the things you brought him. I just know he's going to want to sleep in the cap," Susannah said with a smile. She sat down wearily in one of the club chairs in her office. She kicked off her shoes and put her feet on the coffee table. Bill pulled another of the chairs closer to Susannah and started to gently massage her feet. "Oh God. That feels so good. Another your talents, Commissioner?"

"One of many, Doctor Hanen," Bill replied coyly. "You've had a pretty hard time of it lately, haven't you?" Bill's tone turned serious.

"I am very concerned over Timmy. Something is going on with him. He is becoming demanding and whiny. He is constantly terrified of any of us being out of his sight." Susannah told Bill what Doctor Anderson said about Timmy's cognitive and motor skills.

"That won't be permanent?" Bill was concerned for him.

"Not if it's being caused by depression, but we are dealing with a child's brain. It may be in Todd's skull, but Timmy's brain . . . his whole central nervous system reacts to medication and everything else like a four-year-old's. I may have to change the meds around. We still can't completely rule out neurological problems."

Bill didn't want to add to Susannah's worries. However, he knew there might never be a good time to fill her in on what he found out. So, this was as good a time as any. "I'm afraid these beautiful toes are going to get all tense again. I have some news, Susannah."

When Susannah saw and heard Bill's serious tone she put her feet down and sat up straight.

Bill began. "Anthony Ferrelli, my friend who's with the FBI, got some information on Michelle's parents."

Susannah's heart started to pound. "He found them?" "No, not yet. We do know how they managed to disappear without a trace. The family is in witness protection."

"What!" Susannah was shocked.

"Baker is not their real name. In fact, Jack and Margaret aren't their real first names. Their names were Robert and Alice Giffin."

"Are you telling me that Michelle's parents were mobsters or something?" Susannah asked disbelievingly.

"No, they were both teachers. That part is true. In 1971 Michelle's father was an associate professor at Stony Brook, in Long Island New York. All the kids loved him and many of them would discuss personal problems with him. Unfortunately, one of his students was the son a mobster. He confided some things to Robert that he shouldn't have. One day, in an argument with his father, the son let it be known that he confided in Michelle's father. The son, realizing what he had done, warned Robert. Robert went to the police. They knew his life and his family’s life would be in danger. They also wanted to use him as a witness in a case they were trying to put together against this man."

"So in exchange for his testimony he and his family were put into witness protection." Susannah finished his story.

"Yes. Their sons were very young and Michelle was just a baby. The children probably knew nothing about this, at the beginning. The man he testified against was very powerful. He had informants and sooner or later the identifies of the Giffin's was discovered."

"That's why they had to move around so often, all over the country," Susannah stated.

"That's it. The feds had to keep moving them for their own protection."

"Your friend has no idea where they are now?"

"Not yet. They may have had several identities and moved to who knows where since 1984."

A thought suddenly occurred to Susannah. "Do you think that Peter Manning somehow found this out and turned them in or threatened to?"

"That thought did cross my mind. Or it could be that the publicity surrounding the case put them in danger," Bill theorized.

"Is that why the story just disappeared from the papers and the search for Michelle suddenly stopped?"

"The feds probably put a stop on it," Bill replied.

"Is it possible that Michelle's parents are dead . . . that the mob got to them or they died of natural causes?" Susannah posed.

"No. There would have been some notation of that. No, they're out there somewhere and so are Michelle's brothers."

"Do you think Michelle was aware of this?" Susannah inquired.

"She might have been aware of something. She knew her family kept moving and changing their names. They would have had to have drummed it into her head that she is never to tell or get too close to strangers or she could put all their lives in danger."

"My God! Do you think she told anything to Todd? Could he be in danger?" Susannah's voice trembled. She was horrified at the thought.

"I doubt it. If anyone had been out to get Todd they would have done it by now. I think you can relax on that. Usually in these situations the children in the family appreciate the danger, not only to them, but also to anyone they tell. Michelle was not a baby. She would have known she was risking Todd by telling him."

Susannah felt some relief. She knew it would not be complete until the day when Todd could talk about his relationship with Michelle. "So is your friend looking for them?" Susannah asked.

"He is not in position to be told where and who they are. He is trying to find someone who is and who, given the circumstances, will locate them so they can find out about their daughter."

"You didn't tell him about Todd!" Susannah practically shouted.

"No, of course I didn't. I told him about the situation. He has no idea who the boy involved was and he is a good enough friend not to ask."

Susannah calmed down. "I really want us to be the ones who tell Michelle's parents what happened. I want them to understand the life Todd had and how he was in no way responsible," Susannah lamented.

"I know that, Susannah. I explained that to Tony. If they are found, you and I and perhaps Bo and Tea will be the ones to tell them."

Susannah was so relieved. She threw her arms around Bill's neck. "Bill, thank you. I should have realized you would know exactly what the right thing to do was and that you would protect Todd."

"I would never let anyone hurt that boy, or you."

Susannah and Bill's eyes met each other. "You really understand about my commitment to Todd and his family, don't you?" Susannah stated. She continued to stare into Bill's eyes.

"It's one of the things I love about you, Susannah."

Susannah swallowed hard. "I am really happy that you're back. I've never missed anyone like this before. It's a new experience for me," Susannah confessed. She suddenly felt awkward.

"Do you love me or hate me for making you feel that way?" Bill was half joking and half serious.

Susannah stood on her toes, slightly. When her lips met Bill's they both knew the answer to that. They held on to each other tightly. Susannah could feel the buttons of his shirt pressing into her. Susannah's body wanted Bill in a way she had never wanted anyone before. Her mind was still getting in the way. She pulled back. A tear trickled down her right cheek.

"No welcome home present, huh?" Bill smiled.

Susannah tried to smile back, but more tears escaped her eyes.

Bill lifted her face to his. "Don't you know that I understand you? Susannah, if we get together I want all of you to be happy about it. I don't want any doubts or fears you may have to be a third party to our relationship. I understand that time is your enemy. There is not enough of it and you are not comfortable giving much of it up right now. I told you before. Patience is my strong suite." Then Bill admitted, "I'm not moving to Llanview because I want a bed partner. I'm here because I want to be able to share whatever time you have with you." Bill stroked Susannah's cheek. "I want to be able to see this beautiful face in person and to hear you laugh. I want your opinion on things and I want to help you with Todd and his family any way I can. I want my children to get to know you. I want you in my life, Susannah. I also understand that, for now, Todd comes first. I realize it isn't a question of a job coming first. I know that Todd is a lot more than just a patient to you. I realize that you love that kid. I would never want to do anything to distract you from helping him. I just want you in my life. I can wait for you to give what you can when you're ready."

Susannah knew from the day they met that she was attracted to Bill. She knew she respected him and cared about him. Now, for the first time, she knew with certainty that she loved him. She was also beginning to let go of some of her fear. She was starting to know that he was not paying lip service to the fact that he understood her commitment to her patients. He truly did understand and did not consider her job to be in competition with him. In fact he seemed to love her more because of her devotion to Todd and his family. She realized that he was beginning to love them too.

"I would like to take some of that precious time and have dinner with you tonight. How about that little Italian place on the next block?" Susannah suggested.

"A night with you and pasta, what more could any man ask for?" Bill smiled. Then seriously said, "It's all right, Susannah. Really it is."

"I know," she answered and then asked, "would you like to go see how Timmy is doing?"

"I thought you'd never ask. Just one thing . . . are you planning on telling the family what I learned about Michelle?" Bill asked.

"Absolutely. As soon as I can get them alone for the time it will take to explain this to them so they don't panic." They headed for the playroom.

*****

Timmy was happy and calm as long as everyone was in the room with him. He was sitting on the floor of the playroom with Kevin and Tea. Kevin had suggested making words with the blocks. He wanted to prove to himself that Timmy was not having trouble remembering what he had already learned. Viki decided to check in with the Banner so Kevin wouldn't have to interrupt his time with Timmy. Viki knelt down in back of Timmy and gently turned his face up to her by the chin. She smiled as she looked into his innocent eyes and kissed his forehead. "Timmy, Mommy has to go make a phone call. I'll be right back."

Timmy pulled his head away from Viki's hand and pulled his knees to his chest and tucked his head in.

'Here we go again,' Kevin thought. "Timmy, Mommy will be right back. Sam, Tea, Alan and I are all here with you," Kevin pointed out.

Viki knew that Timmy had to learn to handle his separation anxiety. However, she was afraid he would become amnesic again. She turned to Alan. "Is it all right to use a cell phone?"

"Sure. We have no equipment going in here," Alan answered.

"Timmy, Mommy will stay in here and make the phone call." Viki knew Susannah would probably not approve of her handling it like this.

Timmy lifted his already tear stained face. "You're not going away, Mommy?"

"No, baby. Mommy is staying here."

Timmy smiled at her and turned his attention back to the blocks. Viki stood off to the side. She remained in Timmy's view and made her phone call. Kevin suggested a word to Timmy and told him to collect the correct blocks to spell the word. He used simple words he knew Timmy could spell, like boy, girl, dog and Kevin. Timmy gathered the right letters for boy and dog. He became confused with girl and Kevin.

"Come, let me help you," Tea offered. She placed her arm around the frustrated Timmy's shoulders. "Think how it sounds, angelito. G-I-R-L” Tea sounded out the word.

Timmy picked up a "G" but could not remember the other letters. "I'm stupid," Timmy muttered. He frowned and threw down the block he was holding.

"No, you're not!" Kevin declared firmly. Then more gently, he said, "Timmy, you just forgot. You'll learn it again." Kevin gathered the correct blocks. He put them together for Timmy. "See, buddy. This is how it's spelled." Kevin took the blocks apart. "Now you put them back together to spell the word." Timmy put the blocks, G-R-I-L, out. Kevin and Tea looked at each other and then at Sam.

"I think Timmy has had enough of the blocks for today." Sam's tone made it clear that he wanted them to stop pushing Timmy. Sam knelt down. He took Timmy in his arms. "Hey pal. How would you like some juice and cookies and some ice cream?"

"You and Mommy and Kevin and Tee too?"

"Sure why not?" Tea agreed.

"Mommy! We're gonna have cookies and ice cream and juice," Timmy called out, loudly, to Viki.

Viki held her hand over the mouthpiece. "Mommy's on the phone, sweetheart. I'll be off in a few minutes."

Timmy pulled away from Sam. He stood up. He teetered for a moment when he felt a little dizzy. Sam stood in back of him, just in case he fell. He felt better in a few seconds and walked over to Viki. He tugged on her arm. "Mom-my! I want you to talk to me!" Timmy demanded.

Susannah and Bill had just walked in the room. "Hold on for a second, please," Viki said into the phone. "Timmy, I'll just be another minute and then I'm all yours. Okay, sweetheart?"

"Now! Mommy." Timmy tugged on Viki's arm again.

Susannah walked up to him. "Hi sweetie. Come over here and talk to me." Susannah put her arm around his shoulder and led him to some chairs. "Timmy, Mommy is on the phone. It's not okay to interrupt someone when they are on the phone."

Timmy stared at Susannah for a few seconds and walked right back to Viki. He tugged on her arm again. "MOM-MY!" he shouted.

"Okay, thanks. Kevin will follow up on that," Viki said into the phone and closed it. "Sweetheart, Mommy was making an important phone call. It's not nice to yell at people when they are on the phone."

Timmy walked away from her and sat down in front of Tea, who was still on the floor near the blocks. He leaned back into her. She put her arms around him. He hung his head and began to cry. "Mommy don't like me no more because I can't spell the words good."

Viki rushed to where he sat with Tea. She knelt down. "Oh baby, no. That's not true."

Timmy turned around and rested on his knees. He threw his arms around Tea's neck and rested his head on her shoulder. When Viki put her hand on his back he pulled it away. Tea felt terrible for Viki. Tea gently rubbed Timmy's back and spoke softly to him. "Angelito, Mommy is talking to you."

"Mommy's mad at me. She's gonna go away. I wanna stay with you." He tightened his grip on Tea. Susannah did not like this. Timmy's was developing behavioral problems and it concerned her. Tea mouthed, "I'm sorry," to Viki. Viki nodded it was all right, but Tea could see pain in Viki's eyes.

"I think Timmy needs to go back to his room now," Susannah stated firmly.

"NO!" Timmy shouted. He clutched Tea tightly.

"Timmy, it is important that you follow directions. We ask you to do things to keep you healthy and safe. Now, you've been in the playroom long enough. It's time to go back to your room," Susannah explained gently, but firmly.

"We were all going to have some cookies, juice and ice cream," Kevin reminded Timmy. He was hoping to get Timmy out of this mood he was in.

"Well, sweetie, that's fine. Why don't we go to the dayroom and we can all have a snack."

"I don't want any. Tee, I want you to play with the blocks with me again."

Tea looked at Susannah. Susannah shook her head. "Come on, angelito. Let's go to the dayroom. Some other children need to use this room now." Tea patted his back.

"No, Tee. You wanna go way. You're gonna go way!" Timmy began to sob loudly.

"Shhhhh. No angelito. I promise. I'm don't ever want to go away from you."

Tea felt Timmy's body become tight and tense in her arms. He lifted his head from Tea's shoulder. His body started to tremble. When he pulled away, he accidentally knocked the baseball cap off his head. He reached out. He felt like someone had touched his head. "Viki?" His hand brushed over Tea's hair. Todd's sense memories kicked in. He remembered the feel of Tea's hair and the smell of her perfume. He pulled back. "Delgado?" he whispered.

Tea's heart started to race. Kevin knew how Todd would freak if he knew he was there. He sat very still. Todd reached out to her and quickly pulled his hand back. Todd knew he had just had his arms around Tea. He was terrified. "Delgado. I'm sorry! What did I do to you? Did I hurt you?" They could hear the panic in Todd's voice.

"No, Todd. You didn't. Not at all. Everything is all right." Tea spoke softly. She tried to keep him calm.

Todd had no idea where he was or when it was. He was not sure if he was sitting, standing or kneeling. He put his hands down and felt the floor under him. "Are we at the penthouse?"

"No, we're in the hospital. In the playroom," Tea oriented him.

Todd's trembling increased. His breathing was becoming erratic.

"Todd. It's Doctor Hanen. It's all right. Tea is safe and so are you. You are sitting on the floor. Viki and Sam are here." Susannah said nothing about Kevin or Bill.

Todd looked so stunned to have surfaced like this that it broke their hearts. He wanted to get up. He was afraid he would trip or fall. He was dying inside, knowing that Tea was there and watching him. He was wishing the floor would open up and swallow him. He didn't want to be alive. He felt tears filling his eyes. He tried to stop them. He also tried to stop his body from trembling. He heard his father's voice telling him he was acting like a little girl. He felt intense shame and fear wash over him. "Delgado, why are you here?" He asked through clenched teeth. No matter how hard he tried, he could not stop the flow of tears. He felt Tea's eyes on him. He remembered those eyes. He remembered how he loved to look into them. He remembered how he not only saw Tea's soul in her eyes, but the only proof of the existence of his own as well. As those memories came flooding back to him, so did the ones of the pain he put in Tea's eyes. He remembered the fright and anger in them when she woke up in the shed, after he had tied her up. Todd wanted to die.

"I miss you. I wanted to visit you," Tea explained. Tears formed in her own eyes. "Todd, please don't be ashamed in front of me. I'm your wife. I love you."

Tea surprised herself and Todd with what she just said. Todd took a chance and tried to scramble up off the floor. Susannah quickly reached out to help him. He panicked, thinking it was Tea, and pulled away. He fell back down again. Todd was humiliated. He reached out and tried to feel his way.

"Todd let us help you," Viki called out to him.

Todd was totally disoriented. He literally did not know up from down. He crawled away from the direction he thought Tea was in and instead bumped right into her. Todd sat back on his knees. "Oh God! Oh God! Get away Delgado. Get away! Is this what you want? Don't love me! Are you stupid? Didn't I hurt you enough? It's what I do Delgado! I hurt people. Do you enjoy seeing me like this? Is that it? Is this your revenge for everything I did to you?"

"Todd I love you," Tea cried.

"NO! NO! You're either lying or you're crazier than I am. Didn't they tell you? I'm crazy. I have these people running around inside me. They'll hurt you. You were right when you told them to lock me up."

"No, Todd. I'm so sorry for that. I didn't know. Oh Todd, I didn't know."

"You didn't know what?" Todd paused for a few seconds and then it hit him. "They did tell you. They told you I was crazy. YOU TOLD HER!" Todd felt hot tears pour down his cheeks.

"Todd please! Listen to me. It's all right. I know that you couldn't help most of the things you did. I am not angry with you. I don't think you're crazy. I think you are strong and brave."

Todd sat still for a minute. "She's lying to you. You are so stupid, Todd. Look at you . . . on the floor . . . crying like a little girl. You disgust her." Todd put his hands up to his ears. They realized he was hearing voices or one of the alters.

Todd was panicking. He reached out in front of him again, to try to get his bearings. Out of instinct, Tea reached out to him. He felt her hand. This time he grabbed it. Using all his strength, he pulled her to him. Sam and Bill jumped up and Susannah moved closer. Instinctively, Kevin started to stand up. Susannah quickly motioned for him to stay put. Susannah whispered to Alan to quietly alert Frank and Dan. They were stationed outside the playroom door.

Todd felt for Tea's ear and brought his mouth to it. Tea could not believe she was this close to Todd. She was amazed at how different being next to him and next to Timmy or Tom was. It was if the air in the room flowed differently with Todd's presence. As sick as he was, the air around him was charged with electricity and unpredictability.

"Delgado," Todd whispered. "Delgado, do you really care what happens to me?"

Tea's trembling almost matched Todd's. She was not afraid for herself this time. She knew he wouldn't hurt her. She wanted to hug him. More than anything she wanted to take his pain away. "Todd, I care very much." She wanted to tell him again that she loved him. This time she was afraid to.

"Then help me. Please Delgado, help me." Todd's whisper was so low it was barely audible, even this close to her ear.

"I'll do anything in the world for you. Todd, I want you to know that."

"Bring me something. They don't search you when you come to visit, do they?" Tea's heart sank. She was starting to realize what Todd was asking. "Delgado. Please! You can do it. Bring a knife or a gun or some pills. Please. Delgado, you always helped me. You were able to fix everything." Todd's thoughts drifted back to a night, so long ago. "You even made the bad dreams go away."

Tea remembered that long ago night too and how she had held his hand all night and chased away his nightmare of torture. "Todd, no. I can't. Todd, I don't want you to die. I could never help you to do that."

Todd held her hand firmly. Adrenaline pumped through him. He took her hand and placed it on his heart. "Do you feel that? Do you feel that, Delgado? That's a heart that was never meant to beat. I wasn't meant to be born, Delgado. I was a mistake that no one wanted. You fixed my mistakes for me. Please! Delgado, I'm begging you! Fix this one. Viki's not strong enough to do it and Sam won't. You do it. YOU DO IT!" Todd was now screeching.

Hearing Todd escalate, Frank and Dan approached him.

"Todd, you need to let go of Tea now. Tea won't help you die. She cares about you. She won't help you hurt yourself," Susannah stated firmly. She motioned for Frank and Dan to come closer. Todd didn't budge. "Todd you need to let go of Tea now and go back to your room. Everyone is safe. I'm going to have Frank and Dan help you up and we can go back to your room."

"She won't help you, you little shit. You were born and you have to be punished for it. No one can help you. NO ONE!"

Todd let go of Tea and brought his hands to his ears. He drew his knees up to his chest and started rocking, rapidly, back and forth.

"Tea, please go wait outside," Susannah ordered gently.

"I want to help him," Tea pleaded.

"Tea, wait outside!" Susannah ordered firmly.

Sam walked over to Tea. He put his arm around her. "Come on. He'll be all right." Sam walked Tea to a seat outside the playroom and asked. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine. Sam please, go back inside in case Todd needs you."

Sam looked at her and nodded. He headed back to the playroom. Viki was kneeling beside Susannah and Todd. "Oh sweetheart, please. Everything is going to be all right. I swear to you, Todd. Try to stay with us. Baby, Tea loves you. She was here because she never stopped loving you. It was hurting her too much to stay away." Viki wanted him to understand this.

"I know you're stupid Todd. Are you so stupid that you believe that? They're just humoring you. They know you're insane. You're going to be locked away here for the rest of your life. There's no help for you out there. Look at you . . . shaking like a little girl. No wonder you're own mother didn't want you, neither of them. You'll rot here Todd. All alone!"

"Oh God! Make him stop. Make it be quiet. Make it be quiet," Todd whimpered. He pressed his hands into his ears.

Sam came back in the room and knelt down along side Todd. "Todd, it's Sam. Let me help you stand up. I won't let anyone hurt you."

"Tea saw you for the sniveling wimp you are. You disgust her. She knows you're crazy. She knows it Todd. She can never love you. NEVER! No one can. You can't be loved, Todd. Anyone you love will be destroyed . . . Viki . . . Sam . . . Tea and Starr . . . especially Starr. She'll find out the truth about you and hate you like everyone else does."

"No," Todd whimpered.

"Todd, listen to me you're safe. No one will hurt you. Todd!" Susannah was holding his face up so she could see his eyes. She knew he couldn't hear her. All she could see in his eyes was terror.

"No one can stop me from hurting you and everyone you care about. Give me your hand!"

"No please!" Todd begged.

"GIVE ME YOUR HAND!"

Todd's hand shot out in front of him. "NOOOO!" Todd screamed and lowered his head.

He stood up. He didn't seem to be dizzy. He walked a few steps and looked up at something or someone only he could see. He held his hand out again, only this time he didn't seem afraid. He just held his hand steady. "I'm ready."

They immediately knew this wasn't Todd's voice. "Who's out?" Susannah asked softly. He didn't respond. He was looking down at something as he continued to hold his hand out. Susannah gently tapped his shoulder. "Hi, can you tell me your name?" She had an idea, but she wanted to be sure.

Startled, he started to panic. "I have to look at the watch. I have to wait for a minute."

"What happens in a minute?" Susannah pressed.

"I can take my hand away."

"Away from what?"

"From the cigarette lighter. I have to keep it there for a minute. Look how pretty the flame is. He don't know I like it. It don't hurt. I have to pretend it hurts after or I'll get locked away like the other boy. One minute." He lowered his hand. He then turned around from his persecutor and looked at the palm of his hand and smiled. He looked at Susannah. "I fooled him. Look! My hand don't belong to me. It's separate. He thinks it hurts cause it's burned, but it don't hurt at all." He then reached into the pockets of the sweat pants Todd was wearing. He sat down cross-legged on the floor and started striking one imaginary match after another.

Susannah knew she was right. This was Bad Boy. He came out to handle the flashback Todd had of being burned. He sat there staring at the flame his mind saw. Susannah knelt down to where he sat. She took both of his hands in hers. "Bad Boy, can you tell me where you are?"

He tried to pull his hands back. "Light the match! Light the match!" he begged.

"Bad Boy. You are in the playroom of a hospital. There's no playing with matches allowed."

"Light the match. Please!" He tried to pull his hands back again.

"Bad Boy, you're in a playroom. There are lots of toys. Why don't you look around and see if there is something more fun than lighting matches?"

"The man gave me a red fire engine." They were surprised that he remembered that. Susannah realized that he was able to retain his own memories of his time out.

"That's right," Sam confirmed. He knelt next to Susannah and Bad Boy. "I bought you your very own fire engine. It's in your room. Would you like to go see it?"

"Does the other man know you bought it for me? He won't let the other boys have presents. If he finds it in my room he'll get mad."

"No, honey. Sam is talking about your room here in the hospital. Not back in your house. You are very far away from your house and from Todd's father," Susannah assured him.

"I can hold my hand in the fireplace for a real long time," Bad Boy announced proudly. He then added sadly, "the lady gets mad when I do that. She don't like when I play with the stove either. Look how pretty the fire is." He was looking past Susannah and Sam, at the fireplace he saw. Viki felt helpless. She knew there wasn't much she could do to distract this alter from his obsession with fire. She went out to let Tea know what was happening.

*****

Tea was shivering slightly. She looked pale. Her brown eyes were haunted. She could not believe what had happened. It felt like a dream. She had actually held Todd in her arms . . . not Timmy or Tom, but Todd himself. He knew she was there and he heard her tell him she loves him. For months she had wanted to say that to him. Now she had and he didn't believe it. She kept feeling Todd's heart, as it beat under her hand. She had always wanted to feel his heart. She wanted to rest her ear on it through the night as they slept next to each other . . . but not like this . . . not because he wanted it to stop beating. Tea kept hearing Todd's voice telling her she could always fix everything for him. 'I got your little girl back for you and got you out of jail. I helped save the Sun for you. Todd, I can't fix this for you. I can't make it stop hurting this time. Oh Todd, if I could, I would. There is nothing I wouldn't do for you, except help you die,' Tea thought to herself.

Viki interrupted Tea's thoughts. She jumped out of her seat when she saw Viki walking toward her. "What happened? Has Todd calmed down? Is he all right?"

Viki took her hand. "An alter named Bad Boy has come out."

"Bad Boy?" Tea thought for a moment. "Is he the one who likes fire?"

"Yes. Todd went into a flashback of being burned and Bad Boy came out. He went through Todd's punishment for him. Bad Boy doesn't feel the pain of the cigarette lighter or the stove or the fire in the fireplace. He feels as if his hands aren't attached to him when they are being burned."

"I don't hear anything. I didn't see a nurse go in to sedated him."

"No. He's reasonably calm. He thinks he's playing with matches and watching the flame. Susannah and Sam are trying to distract him with toys. He remembered a fire engine Sam gave him the last time he was out," Viki explained and smiled sadly.

"Viki, Todd wanted me to bring him something so he could kill himself." A tear slid down Tea's left cheek.

"I know," Viki began. "Todd has been begging for someone to help him die for a very long time. He is in so much pain. He sees it as his only way out. That bastard, Peter Manning, drummed that he never should have been born and that he was a mistake into his head so thoroughly. Todd doesn't feel he has the right to draw breath."

"Do you think he hates me for not helping him?" Tea asked. Her voice was quivering.

"Oh no. Oh, honey, of course he doesn't. Todd doesn't really want to be dead. He wants it to stop hurting. He wants the terror he feels to go away."

"He remembered that I can fix everything for him. Viki, he remembered that I helped him when he had a nightmare. I was so afraid he could no longer remember our time together."

"He remembers, Tea. I think those memories are one of the few things that is keeping him with us. I think that what little fight my brother has left in him is his desire to get back to you and to Starr and for the three of you to have a life together."

Tea desperately wanted to believe that. She remembered how, when Todd lay dying from pneumonia, heart and kidney failure and he wasn't responsive to anything or anyone, she held his hand and told him she loved him and promised him she would wait for him and that they would have a life together. She remembered feeling him squeezing her hand. She remembered how weak he was. She wasn't sure she had really felt it. She told him to do it again. She remembered the intense joy, more than she had ever known, when he did. From that point on he started to come back to them. Tea wondered, was it because he heard her? Did he feel her love and believe it enough to fight his way back from the brink of death? Would hearing her say it today give him some strength or was he already too beaten down by everything life had done to him? "Do you think he will ever let me get that close to him again?" Tea asked.

Viki's heart broke for this young woman whom she had truly come to love. "Tea, if I didn't think so, I would tell you to get on with your life. I would not ask you to sacrifice it for something that could never be. It may take a very long time, but I believe with all my heart that there is happiness there for you and Todd one day." Tea hugged Viki tightly.

*****

Finally, Bad Boy stood up and started to take some interest in what was in the room. He noticed Kevin sitting off in the corner. He walked up to him. "What's your name?"

"Kevin. Hello Bad Boy."

Bad Boy showed Kevin his hand. "See, it's not attached." He then handed Kevin his imaginary matches. "Light the match."

"Bad Boy, that's not a very good idea. How would you like to see how a real electric train runs?"

Bad Boy's curiosity was peaked. "A real train?"

"Come over here." Kevin cautiously put his arm around Bad Boy's shoulder. Bad Boy didn't pull away. He seemed to like it. Kevin walked him over to the trains. Bad Boy's eyes grew huge as he looked longingly at the trains. "Come on. Let's sit down and we can play with them," Kevin gestured toward the floor with his hand.

You mean I can really touch them?" Bad Boy seemed shocked.

"Sure you can." Kevin turned to Alan. "How much more time do we have the room for?"

Alan looked at his watch. "About another forty minutes."

Kevin turned back to Bad Boy. "Great, we have enough time for me to show you how to be an engineer."

Bad Boy stood up and walked over to Bill. "Will you hold my matches for me?" He handed his imaginary matches to Bill.

"Sure I will." Bill pretending to take them from him.

"The lady will get mad if you light them," Bad Boy warned.

Kevin showed Bad Boy how to operate the trains. He caught on quickly. Susannah still had no idea how old this alter was, as he didn't know himself. She estimated his age at about seven or eight. While they were playing, Susannah casually asked, "Bad Boy, can you read and write?"

"I don't know," he shrugged.

Susannah wrote, "Can you read this?" on a blackboard and brought it to him. She held it up for him. He looked at it and felt the slate and chalk with his fingers. "What does it say?" she prompted. He shrugged. She erased the words.

He looked at it in amazement. "You made the white stuff go away. How'd you do that?"

"Bad Boy, haven't you ever seen a blackboard and chalk before?" He shook his head. "Honey, were you ever in school?" He shrugged his shoulders again. She could tell he wanted to look at the blackboard so she handed it and the chalk to him.

He made some marks on the board and then erased it the way he saw Susannah do. He smiled to himself when the marks disappeared. "See, I made them go away too." He tried it again a few times and then put the chalk in his mouth.

Kevin quickly pulled it out of his mouth. "That's not food. Are you hungry?" Bad Boy nodded. "We don't put chalk in our mouth. I think we can get you something that tastes better than that," Kevin told him.

Bad Boy held out his hand, palm down. He waited patiently.

"What is it, honey?" Susannah pressed.

"Show me one minute," Bad Boy said. He took Kevin's wrist to look at his watch. Kevin's watch was digital. Bad Boy got nervous. "NO! Make it go round . . . one minute. The man says one minute." He dropped the board and got up and quickly walked over to where Sam and Bill sat. He lifted Sam's wrist and saw he also wore a digital watch. He was clearly getting frightened. He lifted Bill's wrist and saw the familiar face of the watch he was used to. Bad Boy tried to pull Bill to a standing position. Bill allowed it and stood up. He allowed Bad Boy to pull him over to where Kevin sat, by the trains. He positioned Bill's arm so that he could see the watch and then held his hand out again. "I'm ready."

"What are you ready for?" Susannah asked, already knowing.

"You can burn me now . . . one minute." He looked at Bill's watch.

"Bad Boy, no one is going to burn you. We don't burn little boys or anyone else here," Susannah gently informed him.

"One minute!" Bad Boy's anxiety was increasing.

"Why do you think you should be burned?" Kevin asked.

"I was bad. I ate the chalk and I wasn't supposed to. The boy ate the cake and he wasn't supposed to and he got burned. The boy moved and then he had to get burned on the stove for two minutes. I came out and helped him. I liked looking at the fire. I pretended it hurt and the man didn't lock me up." He held out his hand again. "One minute."

Susannah took his hand. "No burning. You did nothing bad. Even if you do something bad. No burning."

Bad Boy looked confused. He pulled his hand away from Susannah and held it out again. "One minute." This time is sounded like he was begging.

"Bad Boy, tell us how being burned helps you?" Susannah asked.

"Then I can go away before the man does badder stuff. One minute! One minute!" He held his hand out to Kevin again.

Susannah realized this fragment alter's sole purpose was to handle being burned. He felt no pain during that. If he were around long enough, he might be subjected to tortures that would hurt him. Apparently, he would do his job and get out of there. He had no complete identify. He had no real name or age. His entire existence had been one-dimensional. He served only one purpose. He had no schooling and his only knowledge was being able to see the hands go around the face of a watch and fire. That was why he was in such awe of things like toy fire engines and trains and why chalk being erased off of a blackboard was such a miracle to him. Coming out these days was confusing to him. He was being shown things that were new and tempting. He wanted to play with the toys. He was feeling hunger. People were playing with him and being kind to him. It was confusing the hell out of him. He wanted what was familiar and that was being burned. He didn't feel the pain, so he actually found comfort in doing his job. He may have even found joy in "fooling the man," because he believed his hand wasn't attached to him when it was being burned.

He was obviously not sensitive to touch or terms of endearment. Susannah put her arm around him. "Honey, it was not bad to eat the chalk. It was a mistake. You don't need to get punished for a mistake. How would you like some cookies and milk or juice or a sandwich?"

"I can have cookies?"

"Sure, all the cookies you want," Susannah promised.

"The lady said no cookies cause I play with fire. She said I'm a bad boy."

They assumed Barbara had disciplined him by taking away treats. "No. You're not a bad boy. Playing with fire is dangerous and we don't want you to do it because you could get hurt, but you are not bad and you can have cookies and anything else you want," Susannah assured him. She thought he needed to be given a choice. "Bad Boy, do you want to come and have something to eat or would you feel better if you went back inside?"

"Is the man here?"

"No. He's can't ever come here. This is a very safe place."

Bad Boy seemed to be weighing his options. "Can I see the fire engine?"

"Sure you can. You have a very nice room here. That's where the fire engine is. Would you like to go see it?" Susannah gave him some control of the situation.

He thought some more. She knew having to make all these decisions was new for him. "I can have cookies and see the fire engine?" He was trying to make sure he got it straight.

"Yes, you can do both. Would you like to go to your room now?"

"No one-minute?"

"No, one minute. No burning," Susannah stated.

He finally pulled his hand back. "Do you want to see the fire engine?" he asked Kevin.

"I would love to," Kevin replied enthusiastically. They headed back to Todd's room.

Tea and Viki both turned when they saw them all walk out of the playroom with Bad Boy calmly walking with them. Kevin had his arm around Bad Boy's shoulders.

"We're going to see the fire engine!" Bad Boy announced. He seemed excited. He stared at Tea. He was seemingly mesmerized for a minute. "You're pretty. You have pretty hair, just like the lady. Do you wanna see the fire engine?"

"Yes, I would love to." Tea smiled at him.

"No one-minute. I get to have cookies too," Bad boy declared with a big smile on his face.

Tea and Viki had no idea what he was talking about. They smiled back.

As soon as they got him to Todd's room, Sam went to get the fire engine. Susannah asked Terry to get some cookies and milk for him. He seemed content playing with the toy. Sam showed him how to make the ladder go up and down and Kevin taught him how to make siren sounds. Tea told him all the good things firemen did, besides putting out fires. After a while Bill said he was going to excuse himself and go back to his hotel room to unpack, shower and change for dinner. He said good-bye to everyone and bent down to and said good-bye to Bad Boy. As Bill was walking out the door, Bad Boy suddenly remembered Bill had his matches. He jumped up and ran after him. He grabbed Bill's arm and cried out, "Noooo! Don't take them. They're mine. They're mine. I want them. Give them back to me." Bill forgot. He didn't realize what Bad Boy was talking about. "Give them back to me!" Bad Boy cried.

"The matches! Bill, he wants the matches," Susannah reminded him. She walked over and gently pulled Bad Boy away from Bill.

"Oh! I'm sorry. Here . . . Bad Boy . . . here's the matches." Bill pretended to pull them from his pocket and hand them to him. Bad Boy clutched the imaginary matches to his chest. He immediately sat down on the floor and started striking them. He would strike one, stare at it and wait until he saw it burn down to his fingers and then light another. He would hold is palm over the imaginary flame, no doubt practicing again. This time he did not answer when spoken to or even acknowledge the presence of anyone else in the room. He seemed unaware of them. Then he walked over to Sam and handed him the matches. He held his arm out, palm down.

"No, Bad Boy. I'm not going to burn you," Sam stated firmly. Susannah didn't intervene, yet. She watched from where she was sitting next to Viki. Angrily, Bad Boy grabbed the matches back from Sam and went on to Kevin. He handed him the matches and held his arm out.

Kevin looked at him. "I won't burn you either." Kevin's voice was firm, but tender.

Bad Boy grabbed Tea's hand. He started to hit himself in the face with it. Tea was horrified. She pulled her hand back. "I'm bad. Hit me!" he cried. Susannah and Frank quickly ran up to him and pulled him away from Tea just as Sam and Kevin stood up to do the same. "She has to hit me. I played with the matches. The lady cried because she hit me. She said, 'look what you made me do! I never hit you. You could have set yourself on fire. What's wrong with you, Todd?' Then she started to cry. Then I got to go away." He tried to grab for Tea again. "HIT ME!" he shrieked.

"Bad Boy. You need to calm down. You don't have to be hit. You can go back inside if you want," Susannah spoke slowly and calmly.

"No! They won't burn me. She won't hit me. I can't."

Susannah was beginning to understand. He needed to do his job. He came out and got burned. At least once or more than once the mother may have slapped him. Being out and enjoying himself without the punishment was to too confusing to him. Getting to play and have cookies may have been over stimulating as well. Instinctively, he knew he needed to go inside. He wanted his job complete. When he saw Bill walking out with the matches, he felt like his chance to do what was familiar was being taken away from him. Susannah spoke to him gently. "Bad Boy, listen to me. You don't have to stay out if you don't want to. I can help you go back inside. You don't have to be punished first."

"No! I come out, I get burned or I practice getting burned and then lady gets mad. Then I go back." He had a compulsion to complete his routine.

"It's safe to go back inside. You don't have to be hurt first. You will still be doing your job," Susannah pointed out.

"I will?" He sounded a little calmer. "But the lady don't care about me," he pointed to Tea.

"Bad Boy, I care about you very much." Tea quickly set him straight.

"Why do you think she doesn't care about you?" Susannah pressed.

"Because she don't hit me for playing with fire. She don't care," he said sadly.

Susannah realized his feelings were very confused and tangled. Apparently, one of the reasons he practiced in front of the mother was not only to learn to accept his punishment better, but to get a reaction out of her. He knew she cared when she would become upset with him for playing with fire. In his mind, the more upset she became the more she cared. "Honey, listen to me. Hitting and burning children is not an okay way to show you love them and care about them. It is mean to do that to children or to anyone. The lady did care about you very much. She loved you, but that was not why she hit you. She hit you because she lost control when she saw you do things that could hurt you. She became frightened for you and she lost control. We show children we love them with hugs and by being nice to them and never hurting them. When they misbehave, we explain to them that their behavior was inappropriate. Do you know what that means?" He shook his head. "It means that was not the best way to behave. It means that the way you behave might not be safe for you or for someone else, or it is not the best way to handle things. If your behavior is inappropriate, we will tell you that it is and then you can tell us a better way you could have handled the situation. If you can't think of one, we can help you by telling you what is safe and appropriate behavior. We will never hurt you or burn you or hit you."

"Never?" He asked fearfully. He still did not understanding why he couldn't get his job done.

"No, never," Susannah answered gently.

"I don't feel good. My head hurts," Bad Boy complained.

Susannah knew he needed to go back inside. He stuck outside because his confusion about his job being unfulfilled kept him out.

"Bad Boy, come lie down on the bed. I'll help you relax. That will help you to go back inside." He didn't move. He was obviously frightened. Susannah put her arm around his shoulder. "Come on, hon. It'll be all right."

"Please tell him to burn me!" Bad Boy pleaded.

"Let's try this, okay?"

"Can the lady come too?" he pointed to Tea. He seemed to need reassurance of her concern. Perhaps it was because she reminded him of Todd's mother. Susannah motioned Tea over.

"Sure I'll come with you." Tea took his hand and helped Susannah walk him to the bed.

He allowed Susannah to help him lie down. Susannah sat on one side of him and Tea on the other.

"Bad Boy, who do you stay with when you are inside?" Susannah inquired. He shrugged. As she feared, he seemed to have no connection to the other children alters or to the parent alters. "Is there somewhere special you like to stay when you are inside?" Susannah prodded.

He nodded. "The basement," he answered softly.

Everyone in the room was shocked. Most of the alters were terrified of the basement. 'This one really needs to feel punishment,' Susannah thought to herself. She spoke slowly and soothingly to him as she tried to get him into a relaxed state. He still seemed afraid. He surprised Tea by taking her hand. For a moment she was transported back in time to the night Todd took her hand when he was afraid to fall asleep, after his nightmare. Bad Boy was very tense. Getting him relaxed and into a trance-like state took much longer than it did with many of the other alters. He kept checking to make sure Tea was still there. Finally, he relaxed and his eyes glazed over.

"I need someone to come out and to help bring Bad Boy inside . . . Miss Perkins? . . . Carol? . . . Goodone? Can one of you please help bring Bad Boy inside?" Susannah got no response.

Tea felt so bad for him. She gently squeezed his hand.

"I will help him."

Tea knew this was an adult alter. The voice was slightly familiar to her. She got the feeling she had heard it before. The voice was unfamiliar to Kevin. Susannah, Frank, Dan, Sam and Viki recognized him.

This alter realized someone was holding his hand. He opened his eyes. He looked to see who it was. His face took on a pleasantly surprised expression. "Tea, so nice to see you. It has been much too long. You look even more beautiful than I remember."

"Tea." Susannah made the introduction. "This is Rodd."

TO BE CONTINUED