Both Susannah and Kevin realized there was certain sadness to that. Kevin thought of the little boy he just left not really existing anymore and tears once again came to his eyes. "Are you telling me that if Todd met Timmy now he would be afraid of him?"

"Yes, very afraid. Right now Todd doesn't believe or accept the DID diagnosis. He buries any discussion we've ever had about it. Each time it's like telling it to him for the first time," Susannah began to explain.

"Yeah, I guess it's the same as the way he buried every bad thing that's ever happened to him. He just forgets it." Kevin understood, but found it difficult to imagine how Todd or his mom was able to do that.

"That exactly what he's doing. To Todd, his diagnosis is just one more horrible thing that has happened to him so he blocks it out. Todd has never once even been able to say the word alter. He is terrified of the idea, nevertheless the actual alters. When he hears them now he is very afraid of them, and yes, even of a child like Timmy. Todd thinks of the alters as punishment and as proof that he is crazy. He refuses to even discuss them."

"Has he always been so afraid of them?" Kevin inquired.

"No, when he was very young he would talk to them. He would allow them to comfort him. He sought out their companionship."

"What happened? Why did things change?" Kevin didn't understand.

"I imagine it started when Todd began school. At that point he must have realized that hearing and possibly seeing these other children, who lived within him, was not normal and did not happen to the other kids. He couldn't ask anyone about it. The alters made him feel different and set apart from the other children. No kid wants to feel that way. So he started to fear the cause of that particular pain. Soon he forgot how comforting they could be. Eventually he only felt fear and pain when he heard them or when he would lose time. He learned to cover. He learned to mask the confusion of coming back to find himself in a situation that was not of his making. He had already taught himself how to cope under inhuman circumstances. This was just one more thing," Susannah sighed.

"I wonder if I had had Todd's life, if I would have coped as well. I always felt superior to Todd. I always believed that I could never do the things he did. No matter what," Kevin admitted.

"And now, Kevin? What do you think now?" Susannah pushed.

"I think that no one knows what they are capable of, given the circumstances. I think that if Peter Manning had raised me I would not be here now. I don't think I would have had Todd's strength. I don't think I would have had his amazing creativity to have done what he did."

Kevin shook his head as he continued to talk about his feelings. "No, I don't think I would have ever survived Peter Manning or even Victor Lord. I understand why mom loves Todd so much and why he is a part of her that none of us could ever be. We, my brother and sister and I are a part of mom's heart, but Todd is also a part of her soul. They have both survived what no child should ever have to go through. How could my grandfather and Peter have done what they did? I know that Grandpa Victor never physically abused Mom and he never made her feel like worthless garbage, but how could he have done that to his own little girl? I know Peter knew Todd wasn't his blood, but he was a helpless infant and then a toddler and then just a little boy. What kind of evil was inside these men? Were they born that way? Can someone be like that and not know it until they start raising there own kids?"

Susannah recognized the fear in Kevin's eyes. She realized he needed this impromptu session and perhaps she should have suggested one before. "Kevin, if you are wondering if you could suddenly turn into the kind of man your grandfather or Peter were by raising your own child, the answer is no! You have a son. Do you think you could ever, I mean ever under any circumstances, do that to your little boy?"

Kevin thought for a minute. "No," he quietly confirmed. Then he thought for a moment and stated, "Duke doesn't live with me. There's no pressure on me. When I see Duke it is fun and games time."

"Kevin, do you really believe that what Victor and Peter did was done out of pressure? What . . . that they had a bad day at the office and that's why they did what they did to your mom and Todd? Kevin, your grandfather and Peter were both severely disturbed men. Especially Peter. Someone has a bad day, they may come home and yell at their kid or even slap them. Todd was systematically tortured. Peter planned what he would do to that child. He took great pleasure in it. I didn't know your grandfather, but I don't think he took great pleasure in what he did to your mother. I think he felt self-hatred and guilt every time it was over. He just couldn't stop himself. He needed help and was too ashamed to ask for it. I think Victor knew he was doing something wrong. Peter never did. He genuinely believed that this tiny boy who came to live with him was somehow causing every lousy thing that happened in his life. You heard what Timmy once said about Peter's father, Grandpa Ed. Peter may have been abused himself. That does not excuse him, but it would at least explain him."

"So why is it that Todd was able to keep himself from abusing Starr? Do you think, given enough time, he eventually would have?" Kevin hated to even think about that.

"Absolutely not! Todd was able to do something very difficult and he did it on his own. He was able to stop the cycle of abuse, just as your mother was able to. Kevin you come from very strong stock," Susannah stated. She smiled at Kevin and patted his arm.

"That's something else mom and Todd have in common," Kevin acknowledged and smiled back.

"And you Kevin. You are strong enough to admit when you are wrong. You are strong enough to love someone who hurt you very much. Kevin, I don't know if you will ever get to raise Duke, but most likely someday you will have a child to raise and if you are half as good with he or she as you are with Timmy you will be a phenomenal father."

"I second that!"

They had not realized that Viki was standing near them.

"How much of that did you hear?" Kevin asked.

"Enough," Viki answered and walked over to her eldest son and caressed his cheek. "If I haven't told you recently how much I love you and how important you are to me, you really have to remind me to sometime."

"I will mom. I will," Kevin said and embraced his mother.

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