Sam answered the phone. He was understandably upset when Susannah told him what had happened. Sam said Viki had been very quiet and keeping her pain to herself since they had gotten home.

Susannah did not like the sound of that. Sam went on to say that Viki wanted to be alone and had gone to her room. Sam told Susannah he had been checking on Viki even though he knew it was probably not what she wanted. He said she had finally fallen asleep about an hour ago and he had unplugged the phone in her room.

Sam started to tremble himself when Susannah told him what had happened. He was not sure what to do. He knew Viki would be furious if she wasn't told about Todd.

Susannah assured Sam that Todd was not in danger now and that it was unlikely a recurrence of the bradyarrhythmia would occur. The medications were, hopefully, preventing that. She assured him that neither Todd nor any of the alters had any awareness of what had happened to them and that Todd was still heavily sedated and would probably not wake up until late tomorrow morning, at the earliest. She explained there was nothing he or Viki could do for Todd.

Sam finally decided to let Viki sleep and face her wrath in the morning.

************************************************************************************************************

"HOW DARE YOU! HOW DARE YOU, SAM!" Viki shouted at Sam as she quickly pulled clothes out of the closet and out of some drawers"MY BROTHER ALMOST DIED LAST NIGHT. HE'S IN INTENSIVE CARE, AND YOU CHOOSE NOT TO TELL ME!"

"Viki, by the time Susannah called,it was over. Todd was okay. He was unconscious. There was nothing either of us could have done for him. You needed the rest." Sam tried to get her to understand the choice he made.

Viki's voice lowered. It was still seething with anger, "He still would have known we were there. If something had happened to him again, he would have been without his family. I know he's not your blood, but I thought you loved him!" Viki saw by the look on Sam's face that she had really hurt him. For a minute her anger dissipated. "Sam, I didn't mean it like that. I know you love Todd as if he were your child."

"I do and that is why I want to keep you healthy for him," Sam declared and looked Viki in the eye.

"Sam, I appreciate your concern and Susannah's concern, but I am fine. The truth is, you both know I did this to Todd. He would not have nearly died last night if I hadn't lied to him and allowed him to think I was his mother. So apparently my love hurts him. He may never get over what I did to him," Viki's voice was devoid of emotion.

"Viki, Susannah said Todd's potassium was too high and that may have caused this. What you did is try to comfort your child. No one could hold that against you. I wonder if perhaps we should have allowed him to continue to believe that for a while, at least until he's stronger."

"No Sam. Susannah is right. Todd cannot be allowed to believe a lie. He has to come to terms with what his mother did to him. He will never heal otherwise. Her love was abusive as surely as Peter's was. Todd cannot admit that. He needs to think of her as his savior. He needs to see her as the 'good mother' he wanted. Now, let me get dressed and let's get to the hospital. I'm not sure if I should see him, but I want to be there, close to him."

Todd was still asleep when Sam and Viki got there. Susannah was in her office. She had spent the night there. Bill had stayed with her for two more hours. He had watched Susannah as she sat by Todd's bed, occasionally stroking his head and keeping an eye on every piece of equipment attached to him. It was as if she intended to personally fight death if it dared to approach Todd again. Todd was completely still. The only movement was his chest, as the ventilator caused it to rise and fall.

"He should be coming off of it by tomorrow," Susannah had commented when she noticed Bill watching Todd breathe.

"Is he still in danger?" Bill asked her.

"It seems that Todd is always in danger, but in specific danger because of the bradycardia, no. I think the medication is taking care of the immediate problems. Todd is an amazing contradiction of an overwhelming desire to die and one of the strongest desires to survive I have ever seen. He is in constant battle with himself, in more ways than one," Susannah replied.

"I have to say, I don't know how he did survive his childhood. I can't even imagine any of my kids going through any one of the traumas Todd went through, never mind all of them. You know even if the DA were to try to pull something, no judge would ever send this boy to jail the way he is now," Bill stated.

"No, they would have him committed to an institution for the rest of his life. I would never allow that to happen to him. Todd is in therapy by a court order, but not hospitalized because of one. Viki can take him out of here any time she chooses. I want it kept that way. I don't want strangers making decisions for him. Do you have any idea how it kills Sam and Viki to leave him here? At first, we thought he would be here for just a few weeks. It has been over six months. When I first met Todd he was all right physically. He was sleep deprived and on the thin side. I had no idea as to the extent of his illness. He is sicker, by far, than anyone I have ever treated before. He has shown very few signs of improving mentally, and his physical health has rapidly gone down hill. Do you know that, physically, he was well enough to go home for a few days at Christmas time?"

Bill just shook his head. He realized how much Susannah needed to talk about her patient. He gave her silent support and allowed her to continue. He knew she needed to talk about this.

"He was," Susannah went on, he was home for four days and he was the happiest I'd seen him. It wasn't Todd who was out. It was Timmy and Tom. They were so happy to be home and to be with Sam and Viki. They were eating and running around and playing. Can you imagine him being able to run now? He can hardly sit up without assistance. When the children come out, it is so hard for them to understand why they feel so bad. Todd can't even understand it. When he thought he was talking to his mother, he admitted how scared he was about being sick and about not being able to walk on his own . . . ."

Susannah stopped. She took a deep breath and wiped a tear from her eye and continued. "And how scared he was about being in pain. God Bill, sometimes I just want to tell Sam and Viki to take him home and let the children play in the sunshine. Sometimes I wish I could erase every memory from his brain and the feelings that go along with them. I wish I could stop trying to get him to come to terms with what happened to him and just let him be. Still think I'm completely professional?"

It was a relief for Susannah to say this to someone. It would have been unprofessional of her to tell Sam and Viki how she was feeling. She never felt comfortable enough to tell Larry Wolek these things and she certainly couldn't go to her sister with this. Perhaps it was exhaustion, but now, for the first time, Susannah said out loud everything she had been thinking.

"Have you ever acted on those feelings?" Bill inquired.

"No," Susannah answered.

"Do you believe you will act on them?" Bill pressed.

"No," she answered again.

"Then even you, Susannah, are allowed to have feelings and thoughts that don't meet your criteria for the perfect doctor," Bill stated firmly.

Tears came to Susannah's eyes. She knew it was because she was giving herself permission to feel and giving herself permission to be human with all the frailties that it involved.

"I'm fine. Why don't you go home and get some sleep?" Susannah suggested.

"Are you going to be sitting here all night?"

Susannah realized Bill noticed how competent the ICU staff was. He watched as they checked on every aspect of Todd's care. Susannah knew that Bill realized that she did not need to be there to insure Todd get the care he needed.

"I'll be going to my office a little later. I can sleep there. I've done it before. It's reasonably comfortable," she proclaimed, almost defensively.

"Do you need anything?" Bill asked.

"A miracle," Susannah responded as she tenderly stroked Todd's head.

"Those, Doctor Hanen, I'm afraid I'm fresh out of," Bill replied sadly.

"Bill, I won't be here much longer. I'll be getting some sleep soon. Why don't I call you tomorrow and let you know how Todd is doing?"

"Sure, and maybe you can even tell me how you are doing?" Bill joked gently. Bill looked down at Todd. He stroked Todd's head and said to him, "You take care, Todd. You have a lot of people pulling for you." Bill then looked at Susannah and added, "You too. Don't forget that." Bill left the hospital. He was worried about Susannah. He was worried about all of them. He felt like he was watching a family disintegrate before his eyes.

For Susannah, going to her office "soon" turned out to be three hours later. Finally, not able to keep her eyes open any longer, Susannah headed back to her office a little after four in the morning. She awoke with a start at six and called the ICU. She was told that Todd was stable. His blood pressure had continued to rise, as did his heart rate. He was still in a deep sleep. Susannah showered and changed into scrubs. She was making some notes at her desk when, without knocking, Viki frantically entered her office, followed by Sam.

"How is he?" Viki asked.

"He's stable. His pressure is just a little lower than it usually is. Please don't be afraid. He's doing much better," Susannah tried to calm Viki.

Don't be afraid! He almost died!" Viki declared. She was still very upset.

"Viki, I promise you, Todd is not in danger now. He should be awake in a few hours and I would like for you to be there for him."

"I would have liked to have been there for him last night, but you and Sam decided for me that I needed to stay home and sleep! How could you do that to me, Susannah? Are you so afraid that I will hurt Todd again, that you wanted to keep me away from him?!"

"No, of course not. I just told you I want you there when he wakes up. Viki, Todd's bradycardia was most likely caused by an electrolyte imbalance," Susannah tried to explain.

"So you're saying that what happened yesterday had absolutely no bearing on Todd's current condition?" Viki pressed.

"No, I'm not saying that," Susannah admitted. She showed enough respect for Viki to be honest with her.

"I didn't think so," a still angry Viki said.

"I'm saying that there are probably many underlying factors that contributed to what happened to Todd, his emotional state just being one of them," Susannah explained further.

"I don't appreciate being treated like a child by either of you," Viki snapped.

"No one was treating you like a child. Viki, Todd has not been conscious since you heard him screaming yesterday. He will need both you and Sam when he wakes up. There was no point in you being awake all night just to watch him sleep," Susannah continued trying to get Viki to understand.

"Isn't that what you did?" Viki knew Susannah well.

"I'm his doctor, Viki," Susannah proclaimed. However Susannah realized that once Todd was in ICU he really had no more need for her than for Viki and Sam.

"Viki I'm sorry," Susannah began, "Maybe you weren't the only one who's judgment was a little clouded yesterday. You should have been told about Todd and given the option of coming here or not. I suggested to Sam that he should let you sleep so please don't blame him."

Viki accepted Susannah's apology. She still did not completely believe that they trusted her around Todd. "I want to see him. Maybe he doesn't want to see me? Not after what I did to him?" Viki stated anxiously.

"Viki, Todd needs you. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable around him or to be fearful of upsetting him. He will pick up on that and become more fearful in return," Susannah said firmly.

"Do you think he has any memory of what happened to him last night?" Sam asked.

"No, he was already heavily sedated. He would have no conscious memory of it."

"Are there any lasting effects from what happened," Viki inquired fearfully.

"We will be sending him for an echocardiogram. I don't believe there is any permanent damage. His chest will be tender from the compressions and the defibrillator and his throat will be sore because he's intubated," Susannah answered.

"Every time he wakes up, things just get worse for him. There's always more pain, more suffering. It's no wonder he doesn't want to wake up," Viki acknowledged as tears formed in her eyes.

"Can we see him?" Sam asked impatiently.

"Of course," Susannah replied.

Viki and Sam and Susannah walked into the ICU. Todd's bed was the third from the door. Several doctors were around him. Sam and Viki became afraid.

"It's all right. The shift is changing and the morning staff is just getting up to speed," Susannah assured them.

Susannah walked over to the doctors and asked how he was doing.

"He's been stable. BP's come up nicely, one hundred over sixty-five. I see his usual is one hundred and ten over seventy," one of the doctors observed.

"Yeah, he always runs a little low," Susannah informed them.

"No arrhythmias," the doctor continued, "His heart rate has been stable at 70. We're keeping him on dopamine."

"Has he showed any signs of coming to?" Susannah asked.

"No. It's just as well. We're not ready to get him off the ventilator yet. We're going to start weaning him soon. His temp is a little low, ninety-seven point eight.

"He tends to run a little low. We usually keep his room at about eighty degrees," Susannah informed him.

"Wow, it must be uncomfortable for everyone else in there," the doctor exclaimed.

"We're used to it," Susannah responded and then asked, "His family wants to sit with him. Any problem with that?"

"No, that's fine," the doctor agreed.

As the staff moved on to the next bed, Viki and Sam were able to see Todd. A shiver ran down Viki's spine and she shuddered. The memory of the last time Todd was in ICU came back to her.

"It's not the same. He's okay this time," Sam quickly reassured her. He knew what she was remembering because exactly the same memories flashed through Sam's mind.

They approached Todd's bed slowly. Viki bent down and kissed his forehead. "Sweetheart, I'm so sorry. Todd, can you ever forgive me?" Viki murmured.

Both Sam and Susannah knew better than to tell Viki there was nothing to forgive. They knew she was not ready to hear that.

Sam noticed Todd was still in wrist restraints. "Why is he still tied down?"

"If he should wake suddenly he might try to pull out the breathing tube and the IV's," Susannah explained.

"He'll be scared to death with that thing down his throat. Last time it was out way before he ever woke up," Sam pointed out. He was very afraid for Todd.

"The tube will be gone later today. They are weaning him off of it now," Susannah informed them.

"Susannah," Viki got her attention and pointed to Todd's left hand. They noticed his fingers were moving slightly.

Susannah knew Todd was starting to wake up much sooner than she had predicted. Then again, Todd never did do the predictable. "Todd. Todd. It's Doctor Hanen. Todd, can you hear me?"

Todd was with Goodone. He felt no pain. He wasn't afraid or cold. As he snuggled in Goodone's arms, he had no need for mama or for anyone other than Goodone. In the safety of his hiding place and his papa's arms Todd was not attached to any equipment and he was safe.

Tom felt himself being drawn forward and propelled through the tunnel. He did not want to go there. He wanted to stay with Miss Perkins. He did not want to go towards the pain. Tom had no choice. At first his eyes opened slowly. Within seconds the pain in chest and throat registered. He tried to call out but could not make a sound. He felt like he was choking. His eyes were now wide opened with pain and fear. Silent tears fell from them.

"Todd?" Susannah asked. Although she was reasonably sure this wasn't Todd.

Tom's vision was foggy. He saw everyone, but they looked as if they were in a cloud. He tried to reach out to Sam and realized he couldn't lift his arm. Something was holding it down. He tried his other arm, but that one to could not be lifted. Tom's fears quickly turned to panic. He was too weak to move much, but they could see the terror in his eyes.

"Timmy?" Susannah tried.

The monitors started showing signs of his stress.

"Tom?" Susannah finally guessed.

Tom used every bit of strength he had to nod.

"Tom, it's all right. You're safe. There's a tube in your throat and that's why you can't talk. We will be taking it out a little later. I know it hurts and it's uncomfortable, but try not to fight it. Honey, I know your chest hurts. Todd's heart got a little sick and we had to fix it by pressing down on it, so that's why your chest is hurting. It will go away soon." Susannah tried her best to keep him calm and allay his fears.

Tom's tears increased.

"Boomer, it's Sam. We're all here with you. There's nothing to be afraid of." Sam spoke soothingly and stroked Tom's head.

Viki took his hand. "Sweetheart, you'll soon be back in your own room. We won't leave you. I promise, baby. We won't leave you."

Seeing Tom was awake, several of the doctors making rounds in the ICU came back to his bed.

"Todd, I'm just going to shine this light in your eyes. It won't hurt," one of the doctors said as he held Tom's head still by the forehead.

"He needs to be sedated again. This is a seven-year-old we're dealing with," Susannah alerted them.

An order for a sedative and analgesic were given.

They could see the panic of this waking nightmare in Tom's eyes. "Honey, try to relax. It will stop hurting in a minute," Susannah promised, as she stroked his head.

Tom was terrified. He could not grasp what they were saying to him. He suddenly felt Peter's finger and knuckle pressing against his throat, cutting off his air and his voice. He felt the pain of Peter's cigarettes and they burned his chest. He could not understand why they were letting Peter hurt him. As the sedative hit he tried to call and reach out one more time.

Viki sat outside the ICU, tears poured down her face as she held it in her hands. "My God! He was so terrified . . . not being able to make a sound . . . not able to move his arms . . . being in so much pain."

"Viki, Tom was not fully conscious. It probably seemed like another bad dream to him." Susannah realized her words would offer little comfort. Tom waking up when he did was unexpected. She had counted on the breathing tube being gone by the time any of them woke up. Poor Todd, Susannah thought to herself, Things never do go right for you, do they?/

"Will he stay asleep for a while now?" Sam asked.

"Yes, by the next time he wakes up the tube should be gone. Unfortunately, his chest and throat will be pretty sore for several days. We'll have to keep him on pain meds. He should be well enough to go to the step down unit by tomorrow. Then after a day or two he should be able to return to his room," Susannah explained.

"Is he still in danger? Can this happen again?" Viki's voice trembled as she asked this.

"He's not in immediate danger. It is unlikely that this will happen again, but I can't promise you it won't," Susannah answered honestly.

"When will you know if there is any permanent damage to his heart?" Sam inquired. He sounded as frightened as Viki.

"When we get the results of the echo. Why don't you two go have some breakfast? I'll stay with Todd. When you come back , I'll take a break," Susannah suggested.

"Come on," Sam placed his arm around Viki, encouraging her to go with him. He felt Viki stiffen at his touch. He knew she was still upset with him.

Viki did agree to go to the cafeteria, but she just toyed with the bowel of cereal and toast she ordered. "Sam, I want you to be honest with me. I don't want you to spare my feelings. Do you still think I can be trusted around Todd?"

"Of course I do! Viki for God's sake! You made an error in judgment, under extremely trying circumstances. Forgive yourself before this starts eating away at you. If it were up to me I would let Todd continue to believe you are his mama just to see him smile again," Sam confessed his voice braking.

Viki thought for a moment and asked, "Are you ever sorry you came to Llanview and that you got involved with Todd again?" Hesitating a moment, she added, "Or with me?"

Sam stared into her eyes and answered, "Never! Not for one-second. I would not have wanted to miss any time that I've spent with either you or Todd. Do you have any idea how much I missed him in the twelve years we spent apart? Sure my feelings were hurt because he cut off contact with me, but my God, how I missed him. I never stopped worrying about him or wondering how he was. I am so ashamed when I think about the fact that I knew about all the trouble he got into in college and I still didn't contact him. I should have tried to come back into his life whether he wanted me to or not. Viki, you feel bad over one mistake you made with Todd. I have a whole lifetime of making mistakes with him. From the day I saw that runty eleven-year-old kid, covered with fresh and healed over bruises, I should have done everything in my power to save him. How do you think I feel every time I look into those wounded eyes? He knows. It may not be something he thinks about consciously, but Todd knows I failed him."

Several tears made their way down Sam's cheeks. Viki squeezed his hand as Sam continued. "You know, if Todd saw a kid like him he would never have handled it like I did. He would have helped him. I remember one time I saw Todd at the community center. He was there for a 'daddy and me day' or something like that. There was this guy there giving his kid, a little boy, a real hard time. Before I knew it, Todd had him up against the wall. I thought he wanted to kill the guy. It scared the hell out of Starr, but you know I admire him for what he did. Maybe if I had done the same to Peter Manning, Todd wouldn't be like this now? So don't talk to me about mistakes where Todd is concerned. I have a whole lifetime of them to feel guilty about."

"Viki looked deeply into Sam's eyes. "Sam, I'm sure Todd knows how much you love him. He loves you so much. They all do. They love you and they need you."

"And they need you, too. Viki, no matter what happened yesterday, Todd loves you so much and needs you desperately. Please don't let what happened color the way you act around him," Sam pleaded.

"No, I won't," Viki promised. Still, she was afraid Todd would feel differently toward her. She could still hear his screams. "LIAR! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!" Viki knew that Todd had been in the depths of despair, but still she wondered, could he ever truly forgive her?

There was something else Viki wanted to discuss with Sam. She had been putting it off and now she wanted to talk about something that would take her mind off Todd. "Sam, there is something else I wanted to speak with you about. You know how much our relationship means to me and how happy I am to have you living with me. I . . . I . . . ." This was turning out to be harder to say than Viki had expected. "Sam, I can't help but wonder if you are happy. I mean . . ." Viki hesitated again and then went on. "I know you have been very patient with our relationship. I also know that you understand why I have a problem . . . why I can't . . ."

"Viki it's okay. I understand. My God, how I understand. Do you think after seeing what a parent's abuse can do to a kid that I wouldn't understand that you might have problems with a sexual relationship."

Viki was even more uncomfortable now that Sam said it straight out and matter-of-factly.

"You know I was in therapy for while, with Mary Hayes, Mel's mother. Then she had to go back to New York. Her granddaughter was in a bad relationship and needed her. She suggested another therapist, but I never followed through with it. In some ways it was a more difficult therapy than the one I had with Susannah was. I was never comfortable talking about sex. I was raised not to. It just wasn't proper. Can you believe that? Victor Lord did not think it was proper to talk about sex. He thought it was fine to rape his seven-year-old daughter and to put his infant son in the hands of a monster, but it was not all right to talk about sex. Sam you know that I love you and God alone knows I am attracted to you. You are kind and gentle and exciting. I love going to sleep next to you and waking up next to you, but every time we . . . we . . . have gotten together something inside me just shuts down. It's like the recovered memory of what my father did to me has closed down that part of me. The desire is there, until we actually start to make love and then . . . Oh, Sam I'm sorry." Viki started to cry.

"Viki, do you think that is the only reason I live with you? Don't you realize how special you are? Don't you know how much I love to just be in a room with you, how much I love talking to you or just watching a movie on television with you or sharing a meal with you? Don't you realize I consider you and Todd my family? I never had with Lindsay what I have with you. Not even with Nora. So many people would be torn apart by what we have been through with our kid, but we have just been brought closer together. I hope that someday you will be able to enjoy our relationship in every way. Even if that never happens I do not, for one moment, regret it."

Viki continued to look into his eyes. She saw he meant every word. She took his hand and just held on. Perhaps when things calm down with Todd I can talk to Susannah about this, she thought.

Bill stuck his head into the ICU. He saw Susannah sitting right where he left her, by Todd's bed. He noticed she had scrubs on so he knew that she had left for at least a little while.

Susannah looked up and saw him. She waved him in.

"How's he doing?" Bill asked immediately.

"He's improved. His blood pressure is almost normal and his heartbeat is regular. They'll be taking him off the ventilator in a little while. He should be going to a step down unit tomorrow."

"What's that?" Bill was curious.

"In this case, it's a unit where psychiatric patients can still get the specialized medical care they need until they are well enough to go back to the psychiatric unit. Of course, because of Todd's condition, I have always kept the necessary emergency equipment on the unit. Even with that, he is still better off in a step down unit for a day or two. We did the same thing after the pneumonia."

"Has he woken up?" Bill inquired.

"Unfortunately yes. Tom, the seven-year-old, woke up. It was horrible for him. He couldn't ask what was happening to him because of the tube. He tried to move his arms and couldn't because of the restraints. He was in so much pain because of the CPR and the defib. He was terrified. He was immediately sedated again. We will probably let him wake up after the tube has been removed. Even then he will have to be kept moderately sedated. Adults have a hard time after an arrest. Can you imagine what it's like for a seven-year-old boy," Susannah pointed out.

Viki and Sam came into the room.

Bill stood up and gently asked them, "How are you doing?"

They both nodded. Sam rubbed Viki's shoulder and answered for both of them. "We're doing okay.

"I'm sorry about Todd. I can't even begin to imagine how it feels to see your child like this," Bill admitted.

Sam patted Bill on the back and said, "Thanks and I hope you never have to."

Sam and Viki sat with Todd while Susannah and Bill went down to the cafeteria.

"So, you like Chinese food, deep dish pizza and oatmeal," Susannah observed noticing Bill's breakfast choice.

"Well, after all that Chinese food and pizza I have to do something to keep the old heart healthy. Is that all your having?" Bill looked at the muffin and coffee Susannah had in front of her.

"I'm sure I will have several more cups of coffee," Susannah replied. She smiled and added, "I'm really more tired than I am hungry. I think I'll take a nap before I head back to ICU. They won't be taking the tube out for at least a couple of hours and he should absolutely not wake until late afternoon."

"I think I'll go to see Bo later. I want to say hello to him while I'm in Llanview and I want to find out if he's heard anything," Bill recited his plans for the day.

For the first time it struck Susannah that Bill was only here for a few days and would be going back to Chicago soon. Realizing how much that disturbed her came as a surprise.

"Has Téa been told about what happened to Todd?" Bill asked.

"Not by me. Perhaps Sam or Viki told her. Poor Téa, she really is the last one we think about in all this. Her life and her heart are being ripped apart by what's happening to her husband and she really has no one. She doesn't even have the comfort of being able to be with Todd or being able to hold him or to see with her own eyes that he is still alive."

"Why is that?" Bill pressed.

"Todd doesn't want to see her. Actually, I should say he doesn't want her to see him. He is ashamed and embarrassed in front of her and he thinks he will hurt her. He feels the same way about his daughter. Téa did come to visit the alters for a while but then one time Todd came back when she was in the room and it was very traumatic for him. He was devastated. Téa is afraid that will happen again and I really can't blame her," Susannah declared.

"Peter Manning seems to be doing as much damage from the grave as he did when he was alive. Damn him! Look at all the lives that man has leveled," Bill exclaimed and shook his head.

"That's the way it is with child abuse. It doesn't stop with the abused child. It touches everyone around them. The miracle is that Todd was able to break the cycle. I have never seen him interact with his daughter, but from what Sam, Viki, Tea and Blair have told me, he is the most amazing father. He's great with all kids. His niece and nephew adore him. He is also great with animals. He has an affinity for the small and helpless. Just the fact that Todd did not turn what happened to him against animals and kids speaks more for the kind of person he is than anything I could tell you does. I not only love Todd; I have a great respect for him. I hope that someday he will be able to understand that."

Bill heard the admiration for Todd in Susannah's voice and saw it in her eyes. "I believe he will. I think you and Todd's family will be able to pull him back from this. Somewhere in that boy is still the strong will that was able to survive his childhood. It may be overwhelmed by illness now, but it's still there," Bill stated adamantly.

Susannah noticed the sad expression on Bill's face. "It's kind of hard to believe, looking at him, that he is a fighter. Do you know that shortly after he was admitted he was able to flatten Dave with one punch?" Susannah asked rhetorically.

"Dave!" Bill lifted his hand high above his head, simulating Dave's massive height and weight.

"Yeah," Susannah informed him. A small smile appeared on her lips. "Oh it wasn't amusing at the time. I mean Dave was almost down for the count," Susannah chuckled. Then the sadness once again returned to her eyes and voice and she said, "You would never dream it to look at Todd now."

"You'll get him back. That's not false hope, Susannah. I believe it. You and Todd and his family seem to have wills of steel. If you have to personally wrestle every demon in this boy's life away from him, I know you will all do it until he can once again do it for himself."

Bill left for Bo's office. Knowing Sam and Viki were with Todd, Susannah headed back to her office for a nap. She slept undisturbed for two hours. When she awoke she splashed some cold water on her face and headed for the ICU.

Sam and Viki were each sitting on either side of Todd's bed. Sam was holding Todd's right hand and Viki was holding his left one and stroking his head. She was humming a lullaby to him. Todd was still asleep. Doctor Stevens was at the nurses station. When he saw Susannah, he waved her over.

"Hi, we are just waiting for respiratory therapy to come and then we'll get him off the ventilator. His pressure is one ten over seventy. His heart rate's seventy-two and regular. His temp is still low, but you said that's normal for him. Uupp, here they are." Doctor Stevens pointed in the direction of the respiratory therapists who came into the ICU.

Sam and Viki were asked to leave. They were both hesitant. Susannah checked on Todd. She assured them that he would not wake up. After a while Susannah came into the waiting area and told Viki and Sam that Todd had been successfully disconnected from the ventilator. She told them that he had not shown any signs of waking up and all his vitals were well within normal. She said he might be moved to the step down unit as early as this evening. Susannah sat with him while Sam and Viki took a break.

Bill filled Bo in on Todd's current condition.

"It seems Susannah can't win for losing, with Todd," Bo acknowledged and asked, "How are she and Viki and Sam doing?"

"Not so good. Susannah said Viki was very upset because Sam didn't tell her about Todd until this morning."

"Whew! I can't say I blame her there. If it were my kid, I'd want to know, no matter what," Bo declared.

"Susannah stayed the night with Todd. I think they are all emotionally exhausted. Sam and Viki seem ready to break," Bill stated. His tone was clearly concerned.

"Todd has been sick for so long and he just keeps getting worse. I don't know how much people are expected to stand. My heart goes out to them," Bo confessed.

"Susannah is really something! She'll heal that boy or die trying."

Bo could see the admiration for Susannah in Bill's face and hear it in his last statement. "So it kinda looks like you are a real fan of my sister-in-law," Bo observed with a smile.

"I'm sure she has a lot of those," Bill assumed.

"Susannah hasn't said much to me, but I know she really loves Todd," Bo admitted to Bill.

"You should have seen her last night. Here Todd was going down fast and she stayed perfectly calm, giving the right orders, knowing just what to do. She didn't let her personal feelings take over for a second. She was the consummate professional," Bill stated with even more admiration.

"Bill, are you planning on heading back to Chicago right away or do you think you can stick around for a while? I'm sure Susannah could use a friend. She and Nora do not get along at all. My wife hates Todd, with reason. Unfortunately Nora can't see past the bad things Todd did. She just cannot forgive her sister for taking him on as a patient. She thinks of it as a betrayal. Susannah tends to keep to herself," Bo confided to Bill.

"I'm sorry to hear that. I think Susannah can use having a sister right about now," Bill stated then said, "Susannah's devotion to Todd is very touching. I honestly believe that somehow she is going to will that boy to heal. It may take time, but I believe if anyone can do it she can."

Bill then asked Bo, "Are you aware of all the things that Todd's father and mother did to him?"

Bo nodded and softly said, "Yeah." He added, "I have known Todd for a long time now. He was never 'all right.' He did a lot of damage to a lot of people in this town. We all knew he had major problems. No one ever dreamt of the severity of them. His father was one cold, nasty son of a bitch. The only time I ever felt sorry for Todd was when I saw him with his father or I talked to the father about him. Do you know Peter Manning came to see Todd in the hospital, after Todd was nearly shot to death, just to tell him he was disowning him. Of course the bastard had been stealing Todd's money for years at that point."

"What money? What was Peter stealing?" Bill's professional curiosity was aroused.

"Todd's biological father, Victor Lord, had a trust set up for him. He was supposed to receive about a quarter of a million a year between the ages of eighteen and twenty-five. Peter stole that money. Todd knew nothing about it. Todd only found out who he was after Peter died. Todd's other sister, Tina Roberts, hooked up with this con man named David Vickers and they conspired to keep the truth from Todd. Then one day Tina got pissed at David and blurted the truth out to Todd. Unfortunately Todd's first wife, Blair, already knew the truth and she too kept it from him. She pretended to be pregnant and figured once she got her hooks into Todd and his money she could them let him know he was the Lord heir. Then Blair really did become pregnant but lost the baby. The marriage was annulled.

"Todd and Blair finally made peace over this and remarried. Then Todd went over to Ireland to bring Marty Saybrook back to Llanview because of a patient of hers, a little girl who was dying of AIDS. While Todd was there he was mistaken for a man named Patrick Thornheart and he was shot by terrorists. His body was put in a car trunk and thrown off a cliff into the Irish Sea. He was presumed dead. His wife had gotten on with her life, if you know what I mean. Todd came home to find Blair and Patrick, the man he almost died for, having sex on the living room floor. Whatever progress Todd made when he and Blair had finally gotten together was lost. It has really been downhill for Todd ever since then."

Bill listened attentively and with wide eyes. He could not believe all of this had happened to this one young man.

"Then Georgie happened," Bo continued. "That finally pushed Todd over the edge. He was able to live and function with the DID all his life. Not very well at times, but he could still function. After Georgie, he lost it. He became irrational, even for Todd. I have to tell you Bill; my family and I are not totally blameless for that boy's complete breakdown. We all believed he killed Georgie. He had absolutely no motive and we knew it. We also knew he didn't even know the girl, but hey! He was Todd Manning. We didn't need a good reason. He thought I did it. For some reason Todd always saw me as a father or authority figure. So he hated me. I hated him right back."

Bo shifted uncomfortably in his chair as the memories of the whole Georgie incident came back to him. "God only knows what went through Todd's mind or what it did to him when he saw that bloody bat and those gloves. I understand now why he was so convinced I killed Georgie. His subconscious was screaming at him that his father killed Michelle. So, in his conscious mind I, a father figure, bashed Georgie's skull in. Just like Peter had done to Michelle. Todd used his newspaper to come after me and get everyone to think I did it. In turn we, using Kevin and the Banner, tried to get everyone to think he did it."

Bo paused for a second and cleared the lump that had formed in his throat. "Bill, Todd has probably been afraid of being accused of Michelle's murder since he was fourteen. Can you imagine what being accused of Georgie's murder must have done to him? If anyone is looking to pass out guilt, I and my pa and even Clint and Kevin have to get our fair share. I can't take back what I did, but you can understand how important it is to me to be able to help get Todd out of this mess."

So many lives, so many, Bill thought, Have been hurt by what Peter and Barbara Manning did to their son. The ripples of the pond they created are so far reaching. They may have destroyed Todd forever. The people around him may be left with feelings of guilt they can never get over. Those who love or care about Todd are suffering almost as much as he is.

Bill wondered if any of these people would ever get over it if Todd doesn't heal, if he stays this way, or worse. Bill knew he should get back to Chicago. He didn't want to. He somehow felt he was needed here. He didn't know how, but he knew he would not rest until he found a way to prove Todd did not kill Michelle. There wasn't much he could do about all the other ways Todd was damaged. He knew he could at least give them that. Give them the peace of mind of knowing that Todd will never be held accountable, in any way, for the murder of Michelle Baker. Bill headed back to the hospital to tell Susannah that he was going to stay in Llanview for a while. He did not want to find Michelle's body yet. Not until he could find some proof that Todd didn't do it.

TO BE CONTINUED

COPYRIGHT 1998 R/S

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