"I really must be going. Nice to have seen you again Doctor Hanen."

"Is Kevin coming to see me today?"

Susannah knew Timmy was now sitting in front of her.

"I don't think so sweetie. Maybe he'll be coming by tomorrow."

She could see he was disappointed. Susannah sat on the couch next to Timmy. He immediately cuddled up to her. She put her arm around him and asked. "Timmy, do you remember going on picnics with mommy?"

Timmy put his head in Susannah's lap. His back was facing her. He put his index and second finger in his mouth, something he only did when he was frightened.

"Sweetie," Susannah asked, stroking his head and bending over so she could see his face, "Is something scaring you? Was it what I asked you?"

His fingers muffled Timmy words. Susannah couldn't understand. She took his hand and gently pulled his fingers from his mouth. "I can't understand you when you have your fingers in your mouth, sweetie. Can you tell me what you said, again?"

"Don't tell daddy."

"Don't tell daddy what?" Susannah pushed for more information.

"That mommy tooked me for a picnic. He'll hit mommy."

"Why does daddy get so mad?"

"He don't like mommy to take me places."

"Timmy, do you remember where it was that mommy took you for the picnics?"

"Far away."

Susannah realized a four-year-old's concept of "far away" could be just a few blocks. "Do you remember how long it took you to get there?"

"A really long time. Mommy sang songs with me. Don't tell daddy," Timmy repeated his plea.

"No Timmy, I won't tell daddy. Do you remember what the picnic ground looked like?" Susannah prodded gently.

"It was real quiet and had lots of grass and trees. Some trees as big as Andy's. It's okay to talk about Andy now, right? He wasn't killded?"

"No sweetie. Andy wasn't killed. You can talk about him all you want. Who told you not to talk about Andy?"

"Where's Mr. Rabbit and Mr. Panda?" Timmy whimpered.

"They're in your room," Susannah assured him. She noticed he changed the subject. "We'll go back there for them soon, okay," She promised as she stroked his head.

Timmy nodded.

Trying one more time, Susannah asked, "Timmy, do you remember if picnic ground had a name? Did mommy call it by a special name."

Timmy nodded again. "Mommy called it 'our paradise.' She said, do you want to go to 'Our Paradise' today? She would make me Fluffernutters and bring milk and mommy drank orange soda instead of the smelly soda. Mommy smiled and laughed when we were there. Mommy doesn't smile or laugh at home. I loved going to Our Paradise. Don't tell daddy."

Susannah bent down and stroked the hair out of his eyes. "No sweetie, No one will tell daddy."

"He's crying. I don't like it when he cries," Timmy whimpered. He turned over and buried his face in Susannah's stomach. He put his hands over his ears.

Susannah rubbed his back and took his left hand off his ear and held it. "Who's crying Timmy?"

"I don't know. I don't want to hear it. It scares me," Timmy was now weeping himself.

Susannah was reasonably sure it was the other Todd Timmy was hearing. "Sweetie, do you think you can ask him why he's crying?"

"I don't know where he is," Timmy answered as tears fell from his eyes.

"All right Timmy. Shhhh, it's okay sweetie," Susannah stroked his head until he calmed down.

"Timmy, I want you to relax and take some deep breaths," Susannah instructed.

Timmy did as she asked.

Susannah was able to quickly get him into a trance. "Timmy, can you hear me?

Timmy nodded.

"Can you still hear the crying?"

He nodded again. His muscles tightening slightly.

"It's all right, sweetie. The boy who's crying won't hurt you. He's just frightened and sad. Timmy, I want you to go inside and look for the boy who's crying. I want you to ask him if he'll come out and talk to me."

"I'm scared," Timmy protested.

"Why are you scared, sweetie?"

"Miss Perkins says not to listen to him. She holds us when we hear him and covers our ears."

"Timmy, I know Miss Perkins protects you when you're inside, but you're with me now and I wouldn't ask you to do something that would hurt you. It's safe to go look for the boy who's crying. If you find him, he won't hurt you. He's scared too."

"Maybe he can't find his mommy?" Timmy reasoned.

"Maybe he can't, sweetie. Maybe we can help him. Do you think we can do that, hmmm?" Susannah gently rubbed his back as she spoke.

"I'll go. I don't want him to be sad and all alone," Timmy volunteered. He turned over on his back.

Susannah could see his eyes moving under his closed lids.

"It gets louder by the basement," Timmy said, after several minutes.

"Can you go to the basement and look for him?"

"Noooo! I'm scared to go down there. Not since Randy runned away. Please don't make me!"

"Okay Timmy. Shhhhh. It' all right. I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want to do. Would you be less afraid if I went down to the basement with you and we looked for the boy together?"

"You can go with me?" Timmy was surprised.

"Sure," Susannah confirmed. She took his hand in hers. "Can you feel me holding your hand?"

Timmy nodded.

"Timmy, I want you to see me standing next to you. Can you see that sweetie?"

He nodded again.

"All right, now we are going to go to the basement together. Are you ready?"

Suddenly his eyes flew open and jumped off Susannah's lap and the couch. Todd's body quickly became dizzy and fell down. Susannah heard his head hit the carpeted floor, hard.

Susannah rushed to him to see if he hurt himself. She recognized the expression on his face and the intense pain in his eyes. She knew it was the teenage Todd. The Todd who was there the night Michelle died.

Todd backed away from her. He tried to get up again but still felt too dizzy and weak to lift himself so he pulled his knees up and hugging them to his chest. He buried his head in them.

"Todd, is that you?" Susannah asked.

He began to tremble and sob softly.

"Todd, if that's you, it's okay to be out. No one will hurt you. It's safe here. Todd, I need to look at your eyes. I promise I won't do anything to hurt you. Todd?" Susannah gently stroked his head.

He pulled away and tried to stand again, but couldn't.

"Todd listen to me. I'll help you stand up if you want. The other Todd's body has been sick and that's why you feel kind of dizzy and weak. It's nothing to be afraid of. You got up too quickly and became dizzy. That's why you fell down. Todd, I have to look at your eyes. I won't touch you if you don't want me to, but I need you to lift your head up and open your eyes for me. Do you think you can do that?"

Todd lifted his tear stained face and looked at her. "That's very good. Now I'm going to shine this light in your eyes. It won't hurt. Is that okay?"

He nodded.

His pupils were equal and reactive.

"Does your head hurt?" Susannah inquired.

He shook his head.

"Is your stomach upset?

He shook his head again.

"Is it all right if I feel the back of your head to see if there is a bump?"

He nodded.

"No bump," Susannah said, taking her hand away. "Todd, that is you isn't it?"

He nodded once again. Todd took Susannah's hand in both of his and begged, "Please, don't go down to the basement. I don't want you to die."

"Todd I won't die if I go to the basement. There is no one there that can hurt me or you anymore."

"Yes! He's there. He's always there. Please! Please don't go there," he pleaded and started to cry and tremble again.

"All right Todd, I promise. I'm not going there now. I promise. No basement."

Please let me go back inside."

"I will Todd. I just need to ask you a few questions. Do you want to sit on the couch or in a chair?"

He shook his head.

Susannah sat down on the floor, facing him. "Todd," she began cautiously, "I need to ask you some questions about the night Michelle came to your house."

He brought his knees back to his head again and held on to them tightly.

"Todd I know it frightens you to think about that night, but the other Todd is in a lot of trouble and maybe you can answer some questions that might help him. Do you know which direction your father drove when he took you to the woods that night?"

Todd's crying got louder and his trembling stronger.

"All right Todd. It's all right honey. I want you to relax and listen to my voice."

Todd continued to weep and tremble. Susannah could not get him into a relaxed state.

"Todd." Susannah stroked his head, lightly. "Todd, would you like to lie down on the couch, so you can relax?"

He shook his head.

Susannah realized he was much too tense and frightened to go into a trance state at this time. "All right Todd, I won't ask you any questions right now, but honey . . . Todd, I want you to listen to me. I won't force you to do anything. I promise. When you go back inside I want you to just think about coming out and talking to me. We can just talk a little and then if you want to stop we can. If you relax, I can try to make it easier for you to talk to me. I can try to make the questions not hurt so much. We don't have to do it now. You can go back. I just want you to think about coming out to see me again some other time. Maybe you can let someone else know where you're hiding or you can go to them and they can help you to come out," Susannah suggested.

Susannah saw he was too frightened to really hear what she had to say. She hoped some of it got through. "All right Todd. It's okay honey. You can go back inside now if you want to."

Todd slowly raised his head. He looked at Susannah with frightened pleading eyes. "Promise you won't go to the basement?"

"I promise Todd. I won't go there."

He sighed heavily and closed his eyes. Todd's eyes opened, Susannah knew he couldn't see her. His hands shot out in front of him.

"Todd, it's Doctor Hanen. You're in my office and you're safe. You're sitting on the floor near my couch."

Todd reached down and felt the floor. He cried out,"Viki!"

Susannah could see his chest rise and fall quickly as his breathing became more rapid. She knew he was in panic mode.

"Todd, Viki had to go home for just a little while. She'll be back very soon. Sam is in the lounge. Do you want me to take you to him?"

"Viki went away. She went away forever," He whispered to himself.

"No, Todd Viki just went home for a couple of hours. She is coming right back, in fact she should be here very soon," Susannah looked at her watch. "Todd, I need to step right outside my office for a couple of seconds. I'll be right back. Is that okay?"

Todd looked frightened, but he nodded in agreement. Carl and Dave were waiting right outside the door. She asked Dave to step inside and asked Carl to go get Sam, Marcia and Connie.

Todd was sitting cross-legged with his arms wrapped tightly around his torso. He was rocking. He was whispering to himself, seemingly unaware of Susannah and Dave's presence. "Mama, Mama, I'm sorry. Please don't leave me. Mama I'm so scared. Please don't leave me with him. Mama I'm sorry I'm bad. Please tell me what to do to be good. MAMAAAA PLEEEEZE!" Todd was escalating quickly and getting more agitated by the second.

"Todd listen to me. It's Doctor Hanen. You are in my office. Mama is not here. Sam will be here in a few seconds. Viki will be here very soon. Mama didn't leave because you were bad. She left because she was frightened and weak. She left because of the way your father treated her. Not because of what you did. Mama loved you Todd. She just wasn't strong enough to stand up for herself and you. Viki will never leave you. Viki is strong. No matter what happens, Viki will not leave you."

Todd stopped rocking. He was still holding himself tightly. Sam, Carl and Connie stepped into Susannah's office. Sam headed straight for Todd.

"He's upset about Viki not being here. He seems to have calmed down a little," Susannah whispered to Sam.

Sam immediately went to Todd and knelt down to where Todd sat on the floor. "Hey pal, it's okay. Viki will be right back," Sam stated comfortingly. He put his arms around Todd.

Todd reached out and felt Sam's face. "Sam, is that really you?"

"Yes Todd, it's me, pal, it's me."

"Sam, you have to find Starr. He's going to hurt her," Todd whispered. Todd was holding on so tightly to Sam that he could feel Todd's fingernails through his suit jacket.

"Who's gonna hurt Starr, pal?"

"I don't know his name. He yells at me sometimes but he told me this quietly. He said I couldn't stop him. Sam, go find Starr. She's gonna be hurt because of me." Todd became quiet for a few seconds. He seemed to be listening to someone. Suddenly he started to cry out," I want to see Blair. Get Blair. Get Blair!"

Sam looked at Susannah.

"Todd, I will call Blair if you want to see her. No one is going to hurt Starr. She is with Blair and she's safe," Susannah assured him.

"NO! Blair can't stop him. She'll go away and leave Starr. He'll hurt Blair too if he has to. Get Blair. I want to see Blair. GET BLAIR! GET BLAIR!"

"All right Todd. I'll call Blair for you. First you need to calm down," Susannah spoke gently but firmly.

"Sam! Please don't let him hurt Starr. Don't make her go home to him. Let Starr stay with you. Please Sam! Sam! Sam! Promise me you won't let him hurt Starr. He's going to take her to the woods. It's dark and cold. Can't you feel how cold it is? It's so cold. Sam! It's never warm. It's never light. Blair left Starr. She's never going to come back and now Starr is all alone. I love her, Sam. I love her more than anything. Don't let him hurt her. He's too strong. She's just a little girl. I have to stop him."

Todd was having difficulty catching his breath. He tried to stand.

"All right Boomer. Calm down. I'll protect Starr. I promise. I'll protect Starr and I'll protect you." Sam tried to assure and comfort him.

"NO! NO! YOU WON'T!" Todd shrieked as he tried to pull away from Sam's hold, "YOU'LL MAKE HER GO HOME TO HIM. YOU'LL LET HIM HURT HER," Todd screamed and sobbed at the same time. "SAM, YOU WON'T PROTECT HER."

Sam was devastated. He knew Todd's subconscious was remembering that he never protected him from Peter. Todd remembered that he sent him home, day after day, to be tortured.

"I have to go. Tell Briggs I'm leaving. I have to go home to protect Starr. Blair left and he's hurting her. Tell Briggs!" Todd ordered and then used every bit of strength in his weakened body and pulled himself away from Sam and pulled himself off the floor. With his arms out in front of him he tried to feel his way to the door. "Why is it so dark in here? Briggs, why is it so dark in here? Where's the door?"

They knew Todd was completely detached from reality. He had no idea where he was or what was going on. Susannah motioned for Dave and Carl to approach Todd.

"Todd," Susannah began, "it's Doctor Hanen. You are not at the paper. You are in my office. Starr is not in any danger. You need to calm down and let us take you to your room. Everything is going to be all right. You need to rest now." She put her hand on his arm.

"NO!" Todd screamed and backed away from her.

Susannah nodded to Carl and Dave.

"Okay Todd. Hey buddy. It's me, Dave. Carl is here too. We're going to help you get back to your room so you can lie down for a while," Dave and Carl each took Todd by the arm.

"NO! NO!" he screamed, trying in vain to pull away from them. Susannah was afraid he was going to have to be restrained again. She hated to do that to him, but she knew his body could not take much more of this. Susannah gave Connie an order for a sedative. She immediately left to get it.

"Calm down, Todd. We won't hurt you. Come on. You know us," Carl tried to orient him.

"NO! HE SENT YOU DIDN'T HE! HE WON'T LET IT BE QUIET AND NOW HE SENT YOU TO KEEP ME AWAY FROM STARR! LET GO! LET GO! DAMN YOU! LET GO OF ME!" He shrieked, as he tried with all his might to pull away from their strong grip. "MAMA! MAMA! HELP ME! MAAAAMAAAA!" Todd screamed as his knees buckled.

They lowered him to the floor.

Todd sat back on his heels and threw his head back. "WHYYYYY? WHYYYYY? TELL ME WHAT I DID! MAMA PLEASE! TELL ME WHAT I DIIIIID!" The shrieks seemed to emit from the core of his soul. Todd then became quiet for a minute. They could tell he was hearing something. He suddenly bent over and started to hit his head against the floor with all his strength.

Carl, Susannah, Dave and Marcia quickly restrained him and then immobilized him. Connie injected the sedative.

"He's angry because I'm still here. I did it. I did it. I did it. I make every bad thing happen. I made mama leave. Starr got hurt because of me. They all did. They all did."

He wept softly to himself as the sedative started to take effect.

"Todd it's going to be okay. Starr is fine," Susannah spoke reassuringly.

"No, I did it. Mama, it's so dark. I'm scared. Mama," Todd whimpered.

Viki had just been let onto the unit just as they were just transporting Todd back to his bed.

"My God! What happened." Viki asked when she saw an obviously sedated and restrained Todd being wheeled back to his room.

"He came back and became extremely upset and agitated. He was hurting himself," Susannah informed her.

"It was because I wasn't here. Wasn't it?"

"Viki, you can't be here twenty-four hours a day. Todd came out and quickly lost touch with reality. He had no idea where he was. He thought one of the voices he hears was going to hurt Starr. He even wanted us to call Blair." Sam explained.

"He wanted his mama, didn't he? That's what set him off, isn't it. He wanted his mama and I wasn't here for him. Oh God, Sam, I wasn't here for him," Viki chastised herself as tears poured down her cheeks.

Sam took her in his arms and held her. He wanted her to know she wasn't alone in feeling guilt. "Todd also said he knew I wouldn't protect Starr, that I would let her go back to him, to the voice and I would let him hurt her. God Viki! You think you failed him because you went home for a couple of hours? I failed him all his life. He's right. I didn't protect him. I did send him home. I sent him home to be beaten and burned and raped over and over and over again. I sent him home," Sam broke down in tears. He and Viki held on to each other tightly, each trying to comfort the other while drowning in their own feelings of guilt.

Susannah came out of Todd's room. "He's weak. All the alters that had been out today and what Todd himself has just experienced have taken its toll. Todd's blood pressure is low. His pulse is rapid," Susannah informed them. Just as a precaution, Susannah ordered a heart monitor put in place.

It seemed like this day started a hundred years ago. Susannah was so tired. She remembered what Saber had said to her. "A contest of wills." Susannah felt a sudden surge of energy. All right Saber. If that's what you want. You may have won this round, but you have never come up against my will before. Peter couldn't destroy Todd and I won't let you destroy him either,Susannah thought to herself and then went to comfort Sam and Viki.

TO BE CONTINUED

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