SECRETS - PART FORTY-FIVE B


The medication finished while Timmy was sleeping. When he woke up he was happy that the IV had been disconnected and only a hep lock remained in his arm. He was free to walk around.

"Can I go to the art room?" he asked Susannah.

After checking to make sure it wasn't occupied Susannah walked him over there. He was still wobbly on his feet, though much less than the other day. Susannah hoped he would react better to the next medication she tried.

Téa and Bo did not want to drag Viki and Sam away from the hospital. They came there to speak with them.

Susannah joined them in the lounge.

Bo and Téa gave them a detailed description of their meeting with Commissioner Jackson. Viki, Susannah and Sam were relieved that he seemed to be a fair man and that he was not going to rush into anything. They were worried by the knowledge that eventually he was going to have to turn the case over to the DA. Especially, when they heard what Bill Jackson had said about Steve Harris. They didn't want Todd being used as a stepping stone for someone's ambitions.

Laura, the art therapist, brought Timmy into the lounge. He had drawn a picture of Andy and he wanted to show it to Sam, Viki and Susannah.

Bo, who had not seen Todd since that day at the jail, could not believe his eyes. He could not believe that this incredibly pale, almost skeletal, young man he saw was Todd Manning. He noticed that Laura had to steady him as they walked. He also noticed Todd's face. The innocent Timmy came shining through. This was clearly a child Bo was looking at.

"Look! I drawed Andy," Timmy proudly held up his drawing up for them to see.

Timmy was happy to see Téa and said, "I remember. Your daddy bought you stuffed animals."

"That's right," Téa stroked his hair back as she spoke to him, "And do you know what? My grandmother still has some of my toys in her house. Would you like her to send me some of them for you?"

"Really!" Timmy exclaimed gleefully.

"Really," Téa said. Timmy's big smile was like a reward to Téa.

Timmy noticed Bo sitting there and pulled back towards Laura. They all realized that Bo was a stranger to Timmy. He had no memory of meeting him in the jail cell that day.

"Timmy," Susannah said holding out her hand, "Come here sweetie. I want you to meet someone."

Timmy hesitated for a moment and then took her hand and stepped over to where they all sat.

"Timmy, this is Bo Buchanan. Bo, this is Timmy."

"Hey there, Timmy. How'er you doin'?" Bo smiled at the fragile child standing before him.

"I drawed a picture of Andy," Timmy said shyly. He held up the picture again.

"Let's see, pal," Sam held out his hand for the picture.

They looked at the picture of a little boy with medium length dark blond hair and hazel eyes. Andy was closer in appearance to Todd than either Timmy or Tom. They saw that Timmy drew Andy standing in front of a huge tree.

Timmy sat down on the floor in front of them and asked hopefully, "Do you think Andy will like it?"

"I'm sure he will, sweetheart," Viki assured him. She kissed the top of his head.

"Can I put Andy's name up on the board in our room and the day room?" Timmy asked Susannah.

"Sure you can sweetie. We'll go do that in just a minute, okay?"

"I want to show Kevin. Is he ever coming back?" Timmy asked Viki. She heard the sadness in his voice.

"I just spoke with Kevin and he is coming to see you today. He should be here very soon," Viki promised him.

"Kevin's coming just to see me!"

The joy on Timmy's face and in his voice surprised Bo.

Timmy turned to Bo and Téa and proudly informed them, "Kevin is my bestest friend. He says I play football the best and he knows a whole lot of good games. Do you know how to play alphabet spaghetti?" Timmy asked Bo.

"No, I can't say that I do," Bo responded. He smiled at Timmy.

Timmy explained the game to him.

"It sure does sound like Kevin knows some good games," Bo admitted. Bo was impressed and deeply touched by what he could only think of as a delightful child.

"Timmy," Susannah said, standing up and holding her hand out again, "Let's go get Andy's name up on the bulletin board and get your picture hung up."

"Okay." Timmy grinned and took Susannah's hand. Bo noticed he was too weak to stand up on his own. Susannah helped him and he then walked to his room with her.

"So that's Timmy," Bo said.

Viki, who had gotten used to the way Todd looked, saw the expression on Bo's face when he first saw Todd and it broke her heart. "I know you were probably shocked by Todd's appearance," Viki stated. Her voice broke slightly.

"He's lost a lot of weight." Bo acknowledged.

''Thirty-four pounds since July," Viki confirmed and added, "They're going to put the feeding tube back tomorrow." Viki took Bo's hand. "Bo, you can see that Todd cannot be brought in to this whole Michelle thing. Can you imagine that little boy you just saw being questioned by the police?"

"No Viki, I can't. Unfortunately, I have no jurisdiction in Chicago. I have no control over the situation. We have to hope that Jackson, on his end, or Téa and Sam and I on our end, can find some proof that it was Peter who killed Michelle and not Todd."

"Who's Michelle and why would anyone think Todd killed her?" They were all surprised to see Kevin standing there. He had come into the lounge looking for Viki.

"Kevin! We didn't hear you come in," Viki said. She looked at Bo, Téa and Sam nervously.

"What are you talking about? Is Todd in some kind of trouble?" Kevin inquired anxiously.

"Kevin this is a private conversation," Téa stated coldly. No matter how Timmy felt about Kevin now, Téa had not forgiven him for hitting Timmy with the football. She didn't trust Kevin.

"You don't think this is any of my business! This is my family you're talking about. This affects my mother and my . . . well Todd is family too. Now what the hell are you talking about? Did Todd kill someone?"

"Kevin," Bo began. He stood up and put his arm around Kevin's shoulder. "If we tell you, you have to keep it to yourself. You can't turn it into a story or use it against Todd in some way."

"I wouldn't do that!" Kevin declared angrily.

Kevin turned to Viki. "Mom, look I know why everyone feels that I can't be trusted where Todd is concerned. I just hope you know that's not true. I would never again do anything to hurt him."

"Honey, I know that," Viki assured Kevin. She caressed Kevin's cheek.

"Is this the thing you said I'd find out about soon enough? Is this what you meant by 'Todd's in trouble?'"

Viki looked at Sam and Bo and Tea and then said, "Kevin sit down."

Kevin was left speechless by what Viki told him. They all noticed tears well up in Kevin's eyes as he listened to the horror of the night of Todd's fourteenth birthday. It took Kevin several minutes before he could speak. Even then he wasn't sure he digested it all.

"You're telling me that Peter Manning used sexual abuse as a way to punish Todd? You're telling me that he raped and then murdered a fourteen-year-old girl in cold blood and Todd was forced to watch it and then bury her! You're saying that a bat with his fingerprints is out there somewhere with that girl and . . . Oh my God! Georgie! The bat!" Kevin suddenly made the connection. "That's why he lost it after he found Georgie. Oh God! Mom! I accused him of killing Georgie. Oh, God!" The tears that had filled Kevin's eyes now spilled down his cheeks.

"Kevin look, I did too. I mean I really thought he did it." Bo confessed.

"All those things I printed in the paper about him . . . Mom, I'm so sorry. You tried to tell me."

"Kevin," Viki began. She put her hands on Kevin's shoulders. "What counts is what you do now and how you treat Todd now. Honey, let me tell you, Timmy's face lit up the room when I told him you were coming to see him. He cares for you very much you know?"

"I do know, Mom. I would never, ever, hurt him or any of them. Mom does Todd remember about the murder?"

"No! Kevin you have to be very careful what you say in front of Timmy or any of them. Todd has no memory of being sexually abused or even being as severely physically abused as he was. Oh Kevin, you can't imagine how Peter tortured that boy. I mean day in and day out. He would drag him out of bed in the middle of the night to torture him."

Kevin's mind was spinning. He was bombarded with guilt for all the things he felt about Todd. It wasn't that all of Kevin's hatred and jealousy suddenly vanished. It was the realization that he never bothered to even think about why Todd did the things he did. It was also the thought of such atrocities being done to a child.

Then something else occurred to Kevin. "If Todd wasn't the one who stayed out for the abuse then which one . . . I mean . . ."

"You want to know what Peter did to Timmy?" Viki stated. She could see her son couldn't find the words.

Kevin nodded.

Viki took Kevin's hand. "Kevin, Timmy was physically abused but mostly he and Andy, a six year old alter, were the ones who were sexually abused. From the time Todd was four."

Viki had not seen Kevin really breakdown weeping in a very long time, not since she told him what Victor had done to her. Kevin sat with his face in his hands. His body shook with sobs. Even Téa and Sam believed his feelings to be genuine.

Finally Kevin calmed down. He looked up at Viki, who had been holding him pressed to her waist as she stroked his head. Viki wiped the tears from Kevin's cheeks. "I know, it's seems too horrible to even think about, let alone go through. Todd couldn't go through it. That's why Timmy and the others were created. Timmy had no choice. He had to go through it. Kevin, as soon as we have the chance you and I will sit down and I will fill you in on the rest of the details of Todd's life. For now, you have to remember to be careful what you say in front of Timmy. He remembers the abuse but thinking about it causes him to have flashbacks. Kevin, you must also remember that what you heard about Todd and Michelle must not leave this room. Bo and Téa went to the Chicago police and the Commissioner there is looking into things. We are too, on our end. Todd can't be questioned. He is far to fragile for that."

"I know," Kevin acknowledged sadly. You told me how sick he's been for the past few days. That reminds me . . . ." Kevin sniffed away the last of his tears. "Is Timmy still too sick to get out of bed?"

"No, he's feeling better and was able to go to the art room before. He's still very weak and his . . . all their health is very precarious right now," Viki informed her son.

"Is Susannah still planning on putting a feeding tube in him tomorrow?" Kevin asked Viki.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. We just can't get any of them to eat enough," Viki lamented.

Kevin could see the fear in Viki's eyes. He remembered what she told him on Christmas Day. As bad as you could possibly imagine things were for Todd, they were worse. A shiver ran down Kevin's spine. He wasn't sure if he wanted to know any more about Todd's tortured life.

Timmy was sitting on his bed, cuddled next to Susannah, watching cartoons when Kevin walked into the room. Kevin stood in the doorway for a minute. He looked at Timmy and thought about what Viki had just told him. He felt sick inside. How could Peter have done it? Peter . . . Grandpa Victor . . . no wonder Mom feels bonded to Todd. How could these men have done what they did?"

Susannah noticed Kevin standing there and put her finger to her lips. When Kevin got closer he saw that Timmy was sleeping. He quietly stepped back. Susannah carefully lowered Timmy to the bed and stood up.

Susannah walked over to Kevin. They walked towards the door and away from the bed. "Hi! I'm really glad you stopped by. Timmy has had a really bad few days and he is looking forward to your visit. I hope you can stick around for a while," Susannah whispered.

"Oh yeah, I can wait. Mom told me how sick he's been. She said he's a little better now. He is, isn't he?"

Susannah heard the concern in Kevin's voice.

"Yes, his electrolytes are back to normal and he's feeling stronger," Susannah assured him.

"Mom told me that he's having a feeding tube put in tomorrow. Is that painful? Will it hurt him a lot? I can be here with him if you think that might help," Kevin volunteered before Susannah had a chance to answer.

"He'll also be having an abdominal endoscopy at the same time. He'll be put to sleep, so he won't feel the procedures, but he will probably have a sore throat when he wakes up." Susannah explained. "I think it would be an excellent idea for you to be here with him tomorrow," Susannah added.

"What's an endoscopy?" Kevin inquired.

"A flexible tube with a light and a camera on the end will be lowered through his digestive tract, via his throat. Then we can see what's going on in his digestive system. After that is done they will put the feeding tube in."

"It sounds painful," Kevin shuddered.

"It would be very uncomfortable. That's why he'll be put to sleep."

"Does Timmy know you are going to do that to him?"

"No, I haven't spoken with him about it yet. I've found if he or any of them know about frightening things too far in advance it makes it worse for them. Their anxiety level keeps increasing. Also, it may not be Timmy who is out and he would be needlessly frightened. I will tell him shortly before he has to go down for the procedure."

"It can't be done in his room?" Kevin asked. He was worried. This was more complicated than he had imagined.

"No, he has to go down to the scoping room. They have the necessary equipment there," Susannah explained.

"He'll be terrified," Kevin stated. He then offered, "If you think it would help I could go down there with him and be there when he wakes up."

"Thank you, Kevin. Yes, if Timmy is out I think it would be very helpful if you were with him when they put him to sleep and for him to see you when he wakes up. The procedure is scheduled for ten in the morning. Do you think you can be here?"

"I'll be here," Kevin said firmly. "Will he still be able to eat normally if he wants to?" Kevin inquired.

"Yes. The tube may irritate his throat a little and some things may be a little harder to swallow, but he should be able to eat most foods, especially soft foods. We will still encourage all of them to eat every chance we get," Susannah wanted to make sure she clarified things for Kevin.

Kevin hesitated for a minute and then brought up what he had just learned about Todd's life. "Susannah I overheard Mom and the others talking about what happened to Todd on his fourteenth birthday and about what Todd's father did to Todd and to Timmy and the rest of them. She didn't have time to go into details but she did tell me that Timmy was the one who was there for much of the sexual abuse. I figured Todd's father hit him and I knew he emotionally abused him, but . . ." Kevin couldn't continue.

"Kevin, Peter Manning was a sick and twisted man. He blamed Todd for all his problems from the day he adopted him. He abused Todd's mother as well. She was beaten too. She was too beaten down and too weak a woman to protect Todd. If you want to speak with me about your feelings about this, please, come to see me anytime."

"Thank you. I just might." Kevin really meant it.

"Kevin, I am trusting that you know you cannot tell anyone what you learned about Michelle. The police are . . ."

"Susannah, you don't have to worry. Mom already warned me. I swear I am not out to hurt Todd. No one will hear a word about this from me. If there is anything I can do to help, I will," Kevin swore.

They turned toward the bed. Timmy was having a nightmare. "No! Mommy! Please! Moooommyyyy!" Timmy was crying out.

Susannah rushed to him and shook him gently. "Timmy, Timmy. Come on, sweetie, wake up. You're having a bad dream."

Slowly, Timmy's eyes opened. He was trembling. "Mommy," he whimpered and held on to Susannah. He was still crying.

Susannah rocked him gently while stroking the back of his head. "It's all right, sweetie. Shhhhh, it's Doctor Hanen."

"The monster grabbed me and it hurt. He wouldn't let go. Mommy can't hear me. The monster's gonna come back and get me," Timmy wept.

"No sweetie, it was a bad dream. There's no monster here," Susannah assured him. She was now rubbing his back as she continued to hold him close.

"There is. He's a bad monster and real scary," Timmy continued to cry.

"Tell me in what way he's scary and bad," Susannah asked. She pushed back some strands of hair that clung to Timmy's tear-stained face.

"He's real big and mean and he has a whole bunch of arms and hands."

"He does!" Susannah stated. "What does he do with all those hands?"

"He hurts me. He does all kinds of stuff to hurt me all at once and everything hurts and he so big I can't run around him cause he's as big as the whole world," Timmy wailed.

"Sweetie, the monster is gone now. It was just a dream monster. He's not real. Look around you'll see he's all gone."

"Noooo! I'm afraid I'll see him again," Timmy whimpered and hid his eyes in Susannah's shoulder.

"But sweetie, look who's here to see you," Susannah pointed to Kevin.

Timmy was still afraid to look up. He held on to Susannah tightly and kept his eyes hidden against her shoulder.

Kevin walked over to the bed and said, "How's my bestest friend?"

"KEVIN!" Timmy shouted with joy. He raised his head from Susannah's shoulder and released his grip on her. He then got up so fast that he started to feel dizzy. Kevin saw what was happening and caught Timmy as he nearly fell over.

Kevin sat Timmy back on his bed. "Hey buddy, are you okay?" Kevin was frightened.

"I feel like I'm on a merry-go-round," Timmy whimpered.

"Put your head down for a minute, sweetie," Susannah instructed and gently pushed Timmy's head toward his knees.

After about a couple of minute Timmy felt better. "You can't stand up to fast, sweetie. Remember? I told you that?" Susannah asked. She stroked back the hair that covered his face.

Timmy nodded and confessed, "I forgot." Timmy turned to Kevin. "Viki said you were coming but I thought you forgot."

"Forget to come see my best buddy? No way! I just stopped to pick up another friend on the way over." Kevin walked back to get a shopping bag he left at the door. He took a stuffed panda out of the bag. "I was talking to Mr. Panda here and when he found out I was coming to see Timmy he insisted on coming along." Kevin handed the panda to Timmy and showed him a surprise. "Timmy, if you press his stomach right here," Kevin showed Timmy where to press, "he'll talk to you too."

Timmy pressed the toy's stomach and squealed with delight when he heard the panda say, "Hi Timmy! My name is Mr. Panda but you can give me another name if you like."

"He knows me!" Timmy exclaimed, grinning from ear to ear.

"You bet he does and you know what else? You can get him to say any thing you want by pressing his back right here." Kevin turned the toy over and took Timmy's right index finger and showing him where to press the recording device. "See, and you say what you want him to say right here." Kevin showed him where the microphone was.

Timmy reached out and hugged Kevin. "Kevin, I love him!" Timmy suddenly remembered his other stuffed friend. "I wanna show him to Mr. Rabbit."

"Get up slowly, sweetie," Susannah reminded Timmy and helped him up.

While Timmy took care of the introductions, Susannah praised Kevin. "That was a great choice. I know it's pretty hard to find something Sam and Viki haven't already bought him."

Laughing, Kevin agreed. "Yeah, this whole unit does kind of resemble a toy store."

With his new toy tucked under his arm, Timmy walked back to Kevin and took his hand. "I drawed a picture of Andy, do you want to see it?"

"You bet I do. I love looking at the pictures you draw." A huge smile appeared on Timmy's face. Kevin felt his heart swell with affection for this child.

Timmy held Kevin's hand as they walked to the bulletin board. Kevin noticed the name Andy was now spelled out in the same colorful magnetic letters. "See! It's the toppest picture," Timmy pointed to the picture of Andy he drew.

Part of the picture was covered with the edges of another. Kevin said, "Let me take this down so I can get a good look at it, okay?" Timmy nodded.

As Kevin removed the magnet that held the picture of Andy, the picture next to it came loose and floated down to Timmy's feet.

"Oops! I'm sorry Timmy. The picture of your mommy fell down. Here I'll get it." Kevin bent down to retrieve the picture.

Timmy stood staring at the picture at his feet for a second and then his eyes blinked a few times and his new panda fell from his arm. "Timmy? Are you okay, buddy?" Kevin asked. He put his hand on Timmy's shoulder.

"NO! DON'T TOUCH ME!" He screamed in terror. He backed from Kevin and pleaded quietly, "Please don't. It hurts! It hurts!" After all this time, Susannah was shocked to hear Jimmy's voice.



COPYRIGHT 1999 R/S

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