SECRETS - PART FOUR
Todd picked his head up and looked at Sam. Todd's cheeks were stained with tears. His eyes were wide, innocent and pleading.
"You're not my daddy," Todd said, and then looked around and took in his surroundings.
"Where is this place? I don't live here. I'm scared. I want my mommy. I want my mommy!" The strange voice said, and then "Todd" started crying again and buried his face in his knees once more.
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Viki Carpenter and Tea Delgado arrived at police headquarters shortly after Todd had been brought in. They had been kept waiting outside Bo's office while Todd had been booked. Now both women were in Bo's office pleading Todd's case with Bo.
"Bo, please, you have to listen to me. I know what Todd did was horrible, but you have to understand, my brother is not well. He needs help. Bo, please! Let him go. I will be responsible for him. I will get him help."
Tea knew that Viki's plea would not move Bo Buchanan. She realized that the Buchanans had been waiting for years to have the chance to put Todd back in jail and now Todd had given them the opportunity.
As an attorney, Tea was just about to ask to be allowed to see Todd when the officer who had been guarding Todd rushed into the room and in a voice filled with panic, stated, "Commissioner, I think you'd better get downstairs. There is something wrong with Manning."
Bo jumped up and started to follow the guard when he realized Viki and Tea were right behind him.
"No! You two have to wait here," Bo ordered.
"Bo, I'm begging you. Let Tea and me come with you. I know that whatever the problem is, we can help. Bo, we're family. I'm asking you to do this for me. Please!" Viki pleaded.
Bo looked into his ex-sister-in-law's face and saw the anxiety in her eyes. He knew, for some reason he couldn't understand, Viki loved her brother with all her heart. "Okay, come on," Bo relented.
As Bo, with Tea and Viki in tow, approached the cell Todd was in, they could see both Sam and Todd crouched down on the floor. Todd was sitting on the floor, in a corner of the cell and Sam was kneeling next to him. For all his six feet, Todd seemed somehow small as he sat almost rolled up into a ball.
As they got closer, they could hear Sam trying to comfort Todd.
"It's all right Todd. I'm here. It's Sam. I'm not gonna hurt you. I won't let anyone hurt you."
The guard unlocked the cell door and Bo stepped inside, leaving the two women outside the cell.
"Okay Sam, what the hell is going on here? What's wrong with Manning?"
"I don't know, I don't know. I was talking to him and all of a sudden he . . ." Sam was at a loss for words and just pointed to Todd.
Bo bent down to the still trembling young man.
"Todd, Todd, it's Bo Buchanan. Can you hear me? Todd, I want you to answer me."
Bo had seen many sides to Todd over the years. He had seen the cocky, young college student come swaggering into the courtroom every day during Todd's trial for raping Marty. He had seen Todd, desperate and on the run, trying to stay out of jail. He had seen Todd, when he was truly not guilty of a crime, protesting his innocence, but Bo was not prepared for the Todd he was about to see.
Todd looked up at Bo. It was obvious that he had been crying. The face Bo looked into was not the face of the Todd Manning Bo felt he knew. It was the eyes. Todd's eyes seemed so terrified, way beyond what just being in jail again would cause. They also seemed innocent. The way Todd was staring directly into Bo's eyes was childlike. A wave of compassion that surprised Bo swept over him and he spoke gently to the frightened prisoner.
"Todd, I want to help you. Just tell me what's wrong?"
"I can't find my mommy. I want my mommy." Todd said, in the same childlike voice Sam had heard just a few minutes before.
"Your mommy?" Bo was puzzled.
"She left me here and I'm scared. I don't know where she is. Can you find my mommy for me? Please!" Todd looked around and became visibly more frightened.
"Is my daddy here?" Todd asked, looking around the cell, his large eyes becoming even more fearful. Bo stood up and looked at Sam and then at Viki and Tea, who had heard the exchange between Bo and Todd.
Viki looked at her brother and felt as if she'd been kicked in the stomach. Oh dear Lord, she thought, not my brother too!.
"Bo, you have to let me in there, I need to talk to Todd," Viki firmly stated.
Bo sensed that Viki was in no danger from Todd Manning and nodded to the guard to let her into the cell. Viki crouched down next to Todd and gently wiped the tears from his face. Normally, Viki was reluctant to touch her brother because she knew it made him uncomfortable, but instinctively, Viki knew that now the touch of her hand would be comforting.
"It's okay, your daddy's not here," Viki assured him.
"You sure?" Todd asked in a voice, small and trembling, "You promise?"
"Yes, I promise," Viki answered.
Slowly Todd straightened up and asked Viki, "Do you know my mommy?"
Viki knew Todd was talking about his adopted mother, Barbara, a woman she had never met.
"No sweetheart, I don't, but I know about her. I know she is a very nice woman."
Todd's face seemed to brighten some, and he said, "My mommy's the best mommy in the whole world. She says she loves me more than anything," Then Todd's voice changed to a whisper, "But don't tell my daddy, he'll get mad at my mommy if he knows she said that."
Viki looked up at Sam. They both realized that Todd was talking about his parents as if they were still alive, as if he were still living with them. However, it was Viki alone who realized the person sitting on the floor was not Todd. Viki's own life experience gave her the knowledge that no one else standing there in or near Todd's cell had. She knew that the man, Todd Manning, had disappeared and in his place was this frightened little boy.
"Sweetheart, can you tell me your name?"
The "child" looked at her for minute, unsure of what to do. He didn't want to get into trouble for "telling" but yet he wanted to trust this lady who was being so nice to him. She reminded him of his mommy.
"Timmy, my name is Timmy."
Despite the chill that ran over her, Viki kept her voice calm. "Well, hello Timmy. Can you tell me how old you are?" Timmy held up four fingers.
Timmy had been the first one to "come live" with Todd. Four year old Todd hid under the dining room table as he heard his parents fighting in the living room. This was nothing new as his parents were always fighting, but this night Todd's father was in a worse mood than usual and Todd's mother was a little more drunk than usual. The small boy tried to shut out the sound by covering his ears, but it was of no use. He could still hear every word. Todd knew what would come next. He knew that once his father started yelling like that he would soon be hitting Todd's mother and then he would start hitting him. As much as Todd feared being hurt by his father, he feared seeing his mother hit even more.
Todd loved his mother with all his heart. Those hours when his father was at the office and he got to be alone with his mother were the happiest of his day. Sometimes his mother would take him to the park or the zoo or just out for a picnic or ice cream. It didn't matter. It was being with his mother that made him happy.
Of course, they always had to be home in enough time to make sure that Peter's dinner was on the table. Sometimes Peter would call during the day and if his wife wasn't home to answer the phone she would have to pay the price later that night. Peter would usually start screaming the minute he walked in the door.
"WHERE WERE YOU TODAY YOU UGLY SLUT! WHOSE BED WERE YOU IN!"
Todd would always feel so guilty when he realized that taking him out for the day had gotten his mother in trouble. This night started out the same way. His mother had taken him to a toy store today and told him he could pick out any toy he wanted. Todd picked out a bright red toy car. He made the mistake of leaving it out on the living room floor and Peter had come home and seen it.
"I TOLD YOU TO STOP BUYING THINGS FOR THAT LITTLE BASTARD," Peter shouted, as he picked up the truck and smashed it against the wall. Todd watched from his hiding place and saw his brand new car smashed to pieces.
"Peter, please not tonight, I have a throbbing headache," Todd's mother begged.
"YOU MEAN YOU HAVE A HANGOVER, YOU STUPID BITCH!" Peter shouted.
Todd heard the familiar sound of his father's hand hitting his mother across the face. The fight usually escalated from there, but for some reason, tonight, Peter just went upstairs and left Barbara alone in the living room.
"It's not your fault, Tom." Barbara liked to use Todd's given name, Thomas, whenever they were alone. Thomas had been her father's name, but she knew Peter hated for her to call Tom that and insisted he be called by his middle name Todd.
"If Daddy hadn't been angry over the toy he would have found something else to be angry over," Barbara assured him, stroking her child's silky hair. Barbara then lifted the cold glass and held it against her now swollen cheek for a second, then in one long gulp, she drank the entire contents of the glass.
Todd stayed on his mother's lap even though she had passed out. He put his arms around her and rested his head against her chest.
"I love you more than anything, Mommy," the child whispered to his unconscious mother.
Todd started to fall asleep and did not hear Peter coming down the stairs. The next thing he knew, Peter had grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and pulled him off his mother's lap.
"You really are becoming the little mama's boy aren't you? You disgust me!" Peter turned Todd around so that the child was looking in his mother's direction. "Look at that drunken whore. Is that what you love? IS IT?!" He screamed, shaking the frightened child.
Todd was praying so hard that his mother would wake up that he accidentally said the words out loud, "Mommy, please wake up!"
Peter, hearing this, laughed and mocked the child's words. "Mommy, please, wake up. Mommy, please, wake up," Peter spoke in a false childlike voice. "Todd, you're even more stupid than I thought. Don't you know that drunken slut of a mother you have is out for the night. She's worthless, just like you."
Todd felt Peter's body stiffen and Peter's face took on a look Todd had never seen before and it terrified him. "It's time for your bath," Peter declared. "But Mommy always gives me my bath," Todd protested.
"Well, your mother's passed out so tonight I'm giving it to you," Peter said, as he carried the child upstairs.
Todd had never felt so alone or so frightened as his father sat him down on the closed lid of the toilet seat and started the bath water running. Todd could see the billows of steam coming out of the tub and knew the water was too hot, but he said nothing.
As the bathtub filled, Peter started taking the little boy's clothes off. When the tub was filled Peter put is hand in the water. Hot enough to hurt but not hot enough to burn," he thought.
Peter lifted the naked child to put him into the tub. As soon as Todd's feet hit the water he could feel the pain.
"No Daddy! It's too hot!" the child cried out. "So, on top of being a mama's boy you're also little wimp, aren't you?" Peter taunted.
Todd looked up at his father and realized he'd better not say another word. He instinctively knew that if he made another sound things would get worse. Todd felt as if his whole body was on fire as the hot water reached over him. He wanted to run, to get away but knew it was impossible. He wanted his mother, but he knew that was impossible too. He was trapped with nowhere to go.
Suddenly, Todd felt the air disappear from the room, as Peter pushed his head under the water. Todd could hear his father's laughter fill the room but it started to fade as the little boy began to lose consciousness. Peter, seeing what was happening, pulled Todd's head up, and the child began to gasp for breath. Once he realized Todd was fully conscious Peter, still laughing and enjoying his "new game," again submerged the boy's head in the hot water. By this time the need to run away from what was happening to him was all Todd could feel. This time when Peter pulled Todd's head up he waked away, finally, bored with his new game.
Choking, Todd started to climb out of the tub. Seeing this enraged Peter.
"Did I say you could get out? DID I/!" Peter yelled, grabbing the child by the arms and shaking him. "No Sir," Todd replied.
Peter lifted Todd out of the tub. He stood him on the closed toilet seat. Peter noticed the child's skin was very red but not burned.
Peter threw a towel at Todd and said "Here. Dry yourself off."
Todd was a brilliant child. If his parents had ever bothered to get him tested, they would have discovered Todd's IQ to be way above average.
Tonight, however, after what Todd had been through, his thinking was off and he made a mistake. Instead of just drying himself off quietly, Todd said, "I hope mommy's okay. Can I go downstairs and see?"
Todd realized his mistake as soon as the words were out of his mouth, but instead of the rage he expected to see in his father, Peter turned to look at him with a look on his face that was far more frightening than rage. Peter walked back to where Todd stood and looked down at him.
Peter said nothing at first, then he lightly touched the back of Todd's head and then, saying it more to himself than asking, he asked, "You really, really, love your mother don't you?" Without waiting for an answer, Peter continued, "And your mother really, really loves you. She would never want you to be hurt. Did you know that? Do you know how much your mother hates to see you hurt?"
Peter lifted the child and , sitting down where Todd had stood a second ago, placed Todd on the floor, face down.
Todd had never seen his father act like this before and he was more frightened than he had ever been. He thought about jumping up and trying to get out the door, but knew Peter would catch him before he ever got out of the bathroom. Todd was trapped, he had no escape and he knew it.
When Todd suddenly felt a sharp pain, unlike any he had ever felt before, he found his means of escape. He found a way that would serve him well for many years to come. It was on this night that Todd discovered how to "go away," to "go someplace inside his head". It was on this night that Timmy had come out in Todd's place. It was Timmy who felt the pain of the first, but not the last time, Peter Manning used sexual abuse to punish his son.
COPYRIGHT 1998 R/S
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