Todd had fallen asleep. He continued to hold on to Sam's hand. When Sam saw Viki and Susannah come back into the room he carefully let go of Todd's hand as not to wake him and walked towards them.

"Doctor Anderson doesn't find anything unusual in Todd's reactions. He is going to send him for a CT scan and an MRI," Viki whispered, to Sam.

"Isn't that one of those tests that puts a person through a tunnel? Todd won't be able to handle that. None of them will."

"Todd will be put to sleep before the tests. He won't even be aware of them," Susannah started to explain when another doctor came into the room.

"Doctor Hanen?" Susannah nodded and replied, "Yes."

"Hi, my name is Doctor Joyce Conrad. I'm here for the ophthalmological consult." Susannah related Doctor Anderson's findings.

"Well, I can look at Todd but I won't be able to see any more than Doctor Anderson was able to without having Todd come to my office. I have far more sophisticated equipment there. Turning to Viki she asked, "Are you a relative?"

"I'm his sister," Viki answered.

"Is there any family history of blindness?"

"No," Viki replied. "Any history of glaucoma?" Viki shook her head and answered no again.

"Any history of diabetes? Hypertension? Seizures?" Viki answered no to all these questions.

"I can look at him now if you want me to. Unfortunately, as I said, there is not much I can tell without the equipment in my office."

"Todd," Viki called softly. Todd moaned. He jerked. "Shhhh, it's all right sweetheart. It's Viki."

Todd reached out. "Viki, I don't like this dream. I wanna wake up. Please, wake me up. It's scary. I don't like being in the dark."

Viki looked at Sam and at Doctor Conrad and Susannah. They saw her eyes well up with tears. "Sweetheart, you're not dreaming. You're wide awake and safe in your bed at the hospital."

Todd tightened his grip on Viki's hand. Viki felt him begin to tremble. She sat down on the bed and hugged Todd to her. She was surprised he didn't pull away. She was even more surprised when he leaned into her and seemed to want to be held.

Viki rocked him gently. "I hate the dark. Make it go away, please!" Viki held him so close that his face rested against hers. Todd could smell the perfume Viki wore. It reminded him of the way his mother smelled. "Mama?" Todd called out meekly and in a childlike tone.

"No, baby, it's me, Viki. It's going to be all right. The dark will go away. You'll be able to see again. Todd," Viki continued cautiously. "There's another doctor here and she needs to exam your eyes. It won't hurt at all. Will you let her exam you?"

"No, I don't want to!" They could all tell he was afraid.

"Todd, it's Doctor Hanen. Doctor Conrad needs to look at your eyes. It won't hurt at all. She's just going to look at you like Doctor Anderson did." Todd seemed disoriented.

"Doctor Anderson? I thought it was a dream. I want it to be a dream."

Sam tried. "It's Sam, pal. Look I know you want it to be a dream, but it's not. You don't have to be afraid. Viki and I and Doctor Hanen are all here to make sure you stay safe. We won't let anyone or anything hurt you."

In his heart, Sam knew they couldn't protect Todd from the one thing that was now causing this problem, his mind.

"Todd," Todd looked in Susannah's general direction when she spoke to him. "There is a very nice doctor here who wants to look at your eyes. Is it all right if she examines you now?" Susannah asked and motioned Doctor Conrad over to the bed.

"Hello Todd, my name is Joyce Conrad. I'm an ophthalmologist. Do you know what that is?"

"An eye doctor," Todd answered.

"That's right. I'm just going to have a look at you. I won't hurt you in any way." Doctor Conrad explained each step to Todd, at times asking him to look to the left, right, up and down. The exam was over in a few minutes. "All right Todd, I'm all through. That wasn't so bad was it?"

He shook his head and asked, "Why can't I see? What's wrong with my eyes?"

"Well, I don't see anything wrong with them at this time. Maybe when you're feeling a little stronger you can come to my office and I'll take a better look."

"No, I want to stay here! Viki!" Todd called to her.

"I'm right here sweetheart. Viki took his hand again.

"That's okay, you don't have to do it now. Maybe some other time?" Doctor Conrad suggested. Susannah walked Doctor Conrad to the elevator and then went back to her office. She wanted to listen to the tape she made when Todd was in her office. She needed to hear the last words they exchanged just before he stopped seeing.

After Doctor Conrad left. Sam got Todd settled back in his bed. "Hey pal, can I get you anything? Something to eat or drink?"

Todd shook his head and asked, "Can you and Viki stay with me?"

"Of course, we'll stay with you," Viki answered, as she pulled the covers up around him, and took his ice-cold hand in her warm one.

"Viki, do you think I'm being punished?" Todd's question surprised Viki. "Of course not. What would make you ask that?"

"I did so many terrible things, even if I don't remember some of them. Maybe I deserve to be blind."

"Boomer, you listen to me. You don't deserve any of the horrible things that have happened to you. You have had enough payback in your life for anything you may have ever done. I just want you to think about how many people love you. And you know I'm at the top of that list pal. You do know how much I love you?" Sam asked. He kissed Todd on top of his head. Todd turned over, buried his head in the pillow and started to cry. Viki and Sam stayed with him until he cried himself to sleep.

Susannah was sitting in her office chair listening to the tape and trying to rub away the throbbing pain in her temples. She was still convinced that Todd's blindness was a conversion disorder. Nevertheless, she would not relax until he had the tests and a physical origin for his blindness was ruled out. Susannah was relieved when Doctor Anderson called her and told her he arranged for Todd to have the CT scan at eight-tomorrow morning.

"Come in," Susannah called when she heard a knock on the door. Sam and Viki came in and sat in the chairs in front of Susannah's desk.

"Todd is sleeping. Dave is with him," Viki commented.

Susannah told them about the CT scan. "We'll be spending the night here so we will be with him when he goes for it," Sam informed Susannah.

"Todd will be put to sleep before the test, you understand that, right?"

"Yes, but we still want to be with him," Viki insisted.

They told Susannah about Todd wondering if the blindness was some kind of punishment.

"I have to be honest with you. I feel something is going on with Todd that I haven't figured out. I believe it started before we went to the lodge, with Andy coming out. Then of course what happened at the lodge is having an effect on Todd's subconscious. I want you to hear the tape I made right before Todd lost his sight."

They listened and realized it was when Susannah started talking about taking Todd to the lodge and just at the point when she was going to mention the night of Todd's fourteenth birthday that Todd started saying the lights were out.

"Something else occurred to me," Susannah began, after the tape finished playing. "Todd has been responsive ever since he woke up in his room the second time. Right before he asked to come to my office. He never wants to come here but for some reason he was feeling a lot of anxiety about staying in his room. Just a few days ago Todd could not communicate with us."

Sam and Viki were confused. "Are you saying Todd's depression has just gone away? Do you think being at the lodge did work as some kind of a shock treatment?" Sam pondered.

"No, Todd is still suffering from major depression. I do believe it is possible that having the truth come out has had some effect on his subconscious. What I think is, Todd is hiding his feeling in a different way. I believe the blindness is his way of not having to look at things. I think Todd's mind will do anything to keep him from facing the truth about that night. I also believe that this is his way of punishing himself for Michelle's torture, rape and death. Todd may be feeling 'survivor's guilt.' He may think he's the one who should have died that night and not Michelle. He feels guilty for being the one left alive, especially because Michelle would not have been in the house that night if she had not cared about him. In Todd's mind, it was because Michelle liked and cared about Todd that she was raped and murdered. Todd and many of the alters already feel guilt for the mother's abuse and death. Now they have this added to it."

"My God, Susannah, are you saying that Todd would rather be blind than face what happened and that he blames himself for what Peter did to that poor little girl?" Viki asked, horrified at the thought of it.

"Viki, I do think that. Todd sees jail and death as preferable to facing his memories. Blindness is just another means of escape. He also feels responsible for Michelle being there in the first place and most likely for not being able to help or save her. It's very much like the guilt he feels for Peter's abuse against Barbara. It's normal for children to think they are the cause of everything that happens in their lives," Susannah explained.

"But he is so terrified of being blind, of being in the dark. You heard him. He's so afraid of all the doctors and tests he has to go through because of it. How could he be choosing this for himself?" Sam wondered out loud. He couldn't believe that Todd was putting himself through so much misery.

"If this is a psychologically-based blindness, Todd certainly has no idea he is doing this to himself. All he knows is that he can't see. In that respect Todd's blindness is just as real as one of physical origin and I need you both to understand that it can last for as long as Todd needs it to. He still may have to learn to live as a blind person. He may have to go through physical and occupational therapy and learn to function without his vision."

Sam and Viki did not want to hear that. They could not imagine Todd spending the rest of his life not being able to see. "I am almost hoping it is physical, maybe then they can just treat him or operate on him or . . . Oh God! Is that a horrible thing to want?" Viki asked and burst into tears. Sam put his arm around her.

"If it is, then I must be horrible too because I was thinking the same thing," Sam comforted and then turned to Susannah. "If it's in his mind, he could stay this way forever? How can he possibly learn to cope with this on top of everything else?" Sam had tears in his own eyes. Susannah saw that Todd's illness was just tearing Sam and Viki apart. She was beginning to worry for their health.

Todd was prepped for the CT scan at seven-thirty the next morning. He was heavily sedated and slept through the test without ever knowing he had it. They also did the MRI. As far as Susannah could see everything looked normal, but they had to wait for the radiologist's report and that wouldn't be ready for a few hours.

Sam was staring out the window in Todd's room and Viki was sitting by his bed when they heard Todd stir. He opened his eyes and then rubbed them. For the moment he forgot he was blind. He couldn't rub away the darkness. When after a few seconds of consciousness he remembered that he couldn't see. He started to panic. He reached out wildly, trying to find Viki and Sam.

Viki took Todd's hand, startling him. "Todd, it's Viki. I'm right here, sweetheart. You're safe, baby. You're in your own bed. Everything is all right. Sam is here too."

"I'm here with you pal," Sam confirmed. He took Todd's other hand.

"I wanna go home. Please take me home," Todd pleaded, once again. Sam and Viki looked at each other. Both wanted to say yes and take him home. However they knew they would not be helping him if they did.

"Todd, I know you are more frightened then before about being here, but sweetheart, you know Doctor Hanen and the rest of the doctors are trying to help you."

Todd started to cry. "No! They're just making me worse. Everything is so much worse since I've been here. I want to go home! You both said I could go home someday. That was a long time ago. Wasn't it? I think. I get confused here. I can't think anymore. Everything is all mixed up. I want to get up . . . I want to go to the Sun . . . I was supposed to be there this morning . . . wasn't I? Briggs will wonder where I am . . . How am I going to do my job if I can't see? . . . Viki, I like living here with you but I can't find my way around anymore . . . I'm afraid! . . . I can't find anything . . . I want to go home! . . . Shorty is back from school . . . I promised to take her to the park . . . I don't want her to be in the dark too . . . I . . . I . . . MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP!"

"Boomer, make what stop?" Sam was terrified for Todd. Todd was totally disoriented. He was losing touch with where he was and not making any sense. "Maybe it's all the drugs he's been given lately," Sam whispered, to Viki.

Hearing Todd scream Frank rushed in from his post at the door. "Get Terry and Jeff and tell whoever's at the desk to get Susannah," Frank called to Sam and Viki as he headed for Todd.

Their best efforts to calm Todd didn't work. His screaming and panic escalated quickly. "Oh God! Oh God! I thought you were dead. NO! GET AWAY FROM ME! No! Oh my God! PLEASE! I didn't do it! NO! STAY AWAY!" Todd was on his knees in the bed. His hands covered his face.

Susannah came rushing in. "Todd, it's Doctor Hanen. You need to calm down."

"MAKE HIM GO AWAY! MAKE HIM LEAVE ME ALONE!" Todd screamed. "HIM! EVERYONE! I CAN FEEL THEM ALL BREATHING ON ME. I WANT THEM TO GO AWAY!"

"Todd, we'll move away from you if you calm down. You need to calm down first. We have to know that you are safe," Susannah carefully explained.

"GET AWAY! GET AWAY! GET AWAY!" Todd continued screaming.

Susannah was about to order him put into a hold on the bed and have him sedated when suddenly Todd stopped shouting. He sat back on his heels and was very still. After he sat this way for a short while Susannah had everyone move away from his bed.

"Okay Todd. Everyone's moved back. Can you tell me what you're feeling right now?"

Suddenly and without warning, Todd leapt off the bed. The IV ripped out of his hand. He spun around frantically. Blood pulsated out of the vein the IV had been in. As Frank, Terry, Jeff and Susannah moved in to contain him, he managed to get away. He was in a frenzy and didn't even realize they had been near him. Todd crashed into the wall and then tripped on a chair and fell to the floor. He lay still.

Sam was the first to rush to him. He picked him up and held him tightly. The others rushed to Todd as well.

Todd fought Sam's grip on him as he screamed, " PLEASE! LET ME GO! I DIDN'T DO IT! OH GOD! IT'S SO DARK! IT'S SO DARK AND COLD OUT HERE! I DIDNT' DO IT!"

"Sweetheart, I swear, no one thinks you did anything. We're not trying to hurt you," Viki tried to calm him. She was so frightened for him.

As the other's approached Todd to help Sam restrain him, Todd suddenly stopped screaming again. He went limp in Sam's arms.

Susannah knelt down beside Todd. "Todd, it's Doctor Hanen. Can you hear me?" There was no response.

"Todd, did you hurt yourself? Does anything hurt?" There was still no response. Susannah checked his head, arms and legs. There were no cuts or bruises. She put some gauze on the still bleeding IV site.

"Okay Todd, I don't think you hurt yourself when you fell. We're going to help you back to your bed now. It's going to be all right." Susannah brushed back the hair that had fallen in his face. The look on his face was one none of them had seen before. Susannah took Todd's face in her hands. She stared into his eyes and called, "Todd?" Sam relaxed his grip slightly. Todd sunk to the floor. He curled into a fetal position and started to suck his thumb.

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