"Sam," Viki began, "I trust Susannah. I trusted her with my own sanity and I trust her with Todd's. She won't do anything to hurt him."

Sam thought for a moment. He then said to Viki, "I guess you know best. I just didn't realize how hard and painful this would be for him. God only knows what that monster did to him."

"Sam, he's going to get through this. He found a way to get through his childhood. He found a way to get through prison and he found a way to get through Ireland. Todd is a fighter. This may be the hardest fight he'll have to get through, but I know my brother and he will get through it. We have to be strong enough to help him. Even if it means doing things that seem to cause him more pain. You taught me that."

Sam put his arms around Viki and said, "Yeah, I know. Now let's go visit 'our kid.'"

*************************************************************************************************************

Todd realized he was back in his room as he "woke up." He was surprised to find himself sitting on the floor playing with a Game Boy, a few comic books on the floor beside him. The last thing he remembered was being in Susannah's office. He noticed it was quiet, the noise was gone from his head, but he knew it would be back. It always came back. No matter how he tried to shut it out, it always came back. He wondered how much time had gone by since he was with Doctor Hanen. Tortured thoughts pelted Todd's brain. God! It just keeps getting worse. My whole life is going by and I don't even remember half of it. Then he started to think about what Doctor Hanen had told him. So these other people come out and do stuff when I go away. That would explain things that would . . . No! No it's not true; I'm not that crazy. I don't go around pretending to be someone else!

Todd looked at the game in his hands and threw it off to the side, as if it was damning evidence of what Susannah told him. He stood up, walked to the window and thought, Why do I keep coming back, if this is going to keep happening? I wish the next time I go away, I stay away. I wish I never come back.

Susannah was on her way to check in on Todd before she went back to her office. She saw Sam and Viki headed to his room and she called them aside before they had a chance to go in.

"Susannah," Viki began, We've decided to allow the hypnosis. Are you going to tell Todd about it now?"

"No, not just yet. I'm not sure when I want to start, so there's no point in telling him right away. However, before you go in to see him, I do want to speak with him about discussing his illness with you. Would you and Sam mind waiting a little while before you visit him?"

"No, of course not," both Sam and Viki agreed.

Todd was standing at the window, looking out, when Susannah came into the room.

"Todd, Todd!" Susannah called. When he didn't respond, she touched him lightly on the shoulder, and in a slightly louder voice said, "Todd! Can you hear me?"

Startled, he turned around so quickly, he almost lost his balance. Reasonably sure this was Todd, Susannah continued, "Todd, are you feeling all right? Would you like to sit down?"

He shook his head no. He was hoping that Susannah was not here for another session. He wasn't even sure if this was still the same day.

"How long ago was I in your office?" Todd asked. Susannah could hear the fear in his voice.

"About three hours ago," Susannah gently informed him and then continued, "It's still the same day. Todd, I'm here because I want to speak with you about something. Can we sit down for a few minutes?"

Todd went to sit on the bed. Susannah pulled up a chair and set next to him.

"Todd, you know how much Viki and Sam love and care about you, don't you?" Todd just stared at her. Susannah continued, "You also know Viki had DID and that she has gone through a lot of what you're going through. I think it would be a good idea if you were able to talk to Sam and especially to Viki about what's going on with you, about what you're feeling. I would like for you to give me permission to discuss some of the details of your therapy with Viki and Sam. Of course, if there are certain things you don't want me to tell them, I won't. I promised you I would keep any secret you tell me about and I intend to honor that promise."

Todd was quiet for a minute and then asked, "Why are you asking my permission?"

"I want to discuss your therapy with Viki and Sam," Susannah answered, not sure if he understood what she was saying.

"No, I mean you didn't ask my permission to lock me in here. You didn't ask my permission to tie me down like an animal. You didn't ask my permission to drug me. Why bother now?" Todd's voice was flat and without emotion as he said that. Susannah could still tell he was angry with her.

"Todd, I wish I didn't have to do any of those things but . . ."

"But I made you do it. Isn't that right? You had to do things to hurt me because I made you." Todd's voice still lacked emotion.

"Is that what people do to you? They hurt you and then tell you it was your fault? That you made them hurt you?" Susannah asked.

Todd got up and walked back to the window. Susannah followed him. "Okay, you can tell Sam and Viki anything you want about my therapy, but there's something I want you to do for me," Todd turned around to look at Susannah.

"I'll help you any way I can. I hope you know that, Todd." Susannah wanted to make sure that was clear to him.

"Good, the next time I become an al . . ." Todd couldn't say the word. "The next time I go away, I want you to fix it so that I don't come back again. If I become someone else, like you say I do, then keep them out. I don't want to come back again."

"Todd, I'm sorry, I can't do that," a surprised Susannah answered.

With tears in his eyes Todd asked, "Why not! You're a doctor. You do all these things to control me. Please! Do this for me! I don't want to come back anymore. Let them have it."

"Let who have what?" Susannah was confused.

"Them! They yell at me. They're the ones who make my head hurt, aren't they? They do things I don't want to do, so let them have it all. Let them have my body. Let them have my mind. Let them have my soul. They can keep everything. I just want out."

Susannah realized that Todd was asking her to help him die. She knew this would not be a good time to tell him that Sam and Viki had already met several of his alters.

"Sam and Viki are here to visit you. Do you want to see them?" Susannah asked.

"Sure, why not?" Todd responded with a sad smile.

"Todd, I know you won't believe this now, but I promise you, things can get better. The DID is treatable. You won't always feel this bad. I can't make you go away forever, but I can help make what's wrong go away. I know how frightened you are right now and I know you've been struggling with this, alone, for most of your life, but you're not alone anymore. When you feel too tired to fight you have someone to fight for you. You have your sister, you have Sam, and you have me."

Todd stared at Susannah for a second. "I noticed you didn't mention my wife. Does she know about me too?" Todd did not really want to hear the answer.

"Yes, Tea knows about the DID." Susannah answered gently. Todd said nothing. He stared straight ahead. "Todd, how do you feel about Tea knowing about your illness?" Susannah pressed.

"I don't want to talk about Tea," Todd stated firmly. Susannah let it go for now.

"Should I tell Sam and Viki they can come in now?"

"Well of course dear. It wouldn't do to have them standing in the hallway now, would it? Oh, and by the way, I do want to thank you for the kindness you've been showing my boys. I know they can be a handful."

"Thank you Miss Perkins," Susannah smiled. She realized finding out Tea knew his secret was too much for Todd to handle. "I'll let Viki and Sam know they can come in now."

Just to be on the safe side, Susannah was going to put Todd on suicide precautions. Susannah went to speak with Viki and Sam. "He wanted you to help him disappear forever, to never come back again?" Sam asked, in a shocked voice.

"I'm putting Todd on suicide precautions. I also want to start him on an antidepressant. It's not uncommon for a patient's depression to worsen when they first find out they have DID. Todd has not really accepted his condition yet. At this point he doesn't see a way out of the pain he's in," Susannah explained.

"Susannah, Todd has been on a nonstop free-fall all his life, but everything really hit the fan after Georgie Phillips was killed. I could never understand why the death of a total stranger would have had such a devastating effect on him. He was obsessed with that girl," Sam explained.

"Sam, tell me everything you remember about Todd's feelings about Georgie's murder," Susannah requested.

"Well, Todd never even met Georgie until the night she died. He was sure Bo had killed her. Todd has always had very strong negative feelings about Bo, but as I said, this was an obsession, and then . . ."

Viki could see that Sam was hesitant to continue so she did. "And then the Buchanan's tried to frame Todd for the murder. He became desperate. My brother doesn't do desperate very well," Viki said with a half smile. "He panicked and he or one of the alters took the fourteen of us hostage. Susannah, I'm not making excuses for him, but he was being set up and with his history he was right to be terrified," Viki confirmed.

"The thing is, it wasn't just trying to find Georgie's killer, it was Georgie herself that Todd became obsessed with. He not only covered her body in lilacs, he paid for her to be buried and arranged for lilacs to be regularly placed on her grave. He went to visit her at the cemetery. I know Todd has a good heart and identified with the fact that Georgie was an outcast like he was, but he went beyond even that," Sam added.

Susannah knew she needed to find out why Georgie had become so important to Todd.

"Oh, by the way, Miss Perkins was out when I left Todd," Susannah informed Viki and Sam.

"Well, then let's go visit Miss Perkins," Sam said, to Viki. Miss Perkins was straightening out the bed when Viki and Sam came in.

"Hello, please have a seat," Miss Perkins said, pointing to the chairs. "I'm sorry I don't have much to offer you. Would either of you like some candy or cookies?" Both Sam and Viki said no thank you to Miss Perkins, then Viki spoke first.

"Miss Perkins, I am very worried about my brother. I'm afraid he is feeling very sad and I know he is frightened. I don't mean to be rude, but would it be possible for Sam and me to speak with Todd?"

Sam gave Viki a surprised look. He was not sure she should be asking Miss Perkins to force Todd back out. Viki put her hand on Sam's and said, "I think Miss Perkins is able to judge if it is safe for Todd to come out."

Miss Perkins thought for a moment. She knew Todd was close by. If he were truly hiding she would have no idea where he was or how to get him to come forward. Miss Perkins felt sympathy and compassion for Viki and Sam. She knew how worried they were. She hoped that Todd hadn't truly gone into hiding and that she could get him back for his sister and friend.

"Of course you may speak with your brother, if I can find him. As I told you, Todd tends to hide when he's inside." Miss Perkins closed her eyes and sat very still, except for her head, she was moving it from side to side. They realized she was searching for Todd. Then suddenly, Todd was there.

Viki and Sam could see he was shocked at finding himself face to face with them. The shock quickly gave way to panic and embarrassment. "I-uh-h-how . . ." Todd stuttered.

"Hey pal, it's all right. You don't have to be embarrassed in front of us," Sam said kindly and patting Todd's knee.

"Todd, it's only been a few minutes since Doctor Hanen left you. I know she told you we know about the DID," Viki pushed forward. Todd looked away, as shame flooded through him.

"Todd, do you remember what I was like when you first found out you were my brother? Do you remember the things I was doing? I burned down my own house. I almost killed my daughter. I tried to kill Clint. I almost destroyed the Banner. Todd, I came on to you at a bar! Sweetheart, I could go on, but what I'm trying to say is do you think I should have been ashamed to see you and the rest of the people who love me? Do you think they should have judged me? Do you think they should have stopped loving me?"

Todd didn't respond. Viki took his hand. "Did you stop loving me?" Viki asked.

"Well, yeah, you were crazy," Todd replied with a slight smile on his face.

Smiling herself, Viki brushed his hair away from his face. "Well, you're not. You do know that, don't you?" Viki's voice was gentle, but firm.

"Viki, I don't know what I am anymore, or should I say who I am?" Todd looked away as he said this.

"Todd, Todd, please look at me," Viki said softly. Todd turned back to her.

"I know how terrifying it is to wake up and not remember where you've been or what you've done. You don't know if you've hurt someone or did something to get yourself into trouble. You don't know if you've been gone for a minute or for a year. Todd, I do know, really I do."

"I'm so scared," Todd whispered, as tears ran down his cheeks.

"I know you are," Viki acknowledged. She took a chance and took her brother into her arms. Todd didn't pull away as Viki stroked his head and said, "I promise, I swear to you, you will get through this. I won't let anything bad happen to you ever again. No matter what happens or what you ever do I will be there for you."

"And so will l pal, always!" Sam promised, wiping away his own tears. He put his hand on Todd's shoulder.

Suddenly, "Todd" pulled away from both of them and picked up one of the chairs and sent it flying across the room.

"YOU LOVE HIM? YOU LOVE HIM! WHO ARE YOU KIDDING!" Pete shouted angrily. He wiped Todd's tears away from his cheeks. In a normal tone, Pete continued. "You're setting him up, not that he doesn't deserve it. He is such an idiot. He believes you. He believes you'll always be there for him. He believes you'll protect him." Pete started to laugh. Three very large techs and two nurses entered Todd's room when they heard the chair hit the wall and Pete shouting.

Viki held her hand up to let them know she and Sam were all right. "Please leave us alone," Viki requested of them.

"We can't do that Mrs. Carpenter." The one named Frank told her.

"Then please just stand back," Viki pleaded. Pete glared at them. Viki did not want to see him restrained. "Pete! Pete please listen to me," Viki was not afraid of him. Pete had never heard anyone but Susannah say his name before and it caught him off guard.

Pete seemed to calm down a little and the staff held back. "Pete," Viki said, gently, "Todd should believe Sam and I will stand by him and never leave him. Todd knows how much I love him. He knows there is nothing I wouldn't do for him. He knows Sam feels the same way," Viki insisted.

"LIAR!" Pete shouted. "You'll leave him the same way they all leave him. They say they love him and then they leave."

"What about you Pete? Are you afraid you'll be left all alone too?" Viki asked.

Pete felt rage at Viki's remark. "I'm not afraid of anything! I don't need ANYONE!"

Pete was about to grab Viki by the wrist when he suddenly turned around and shouted, "MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS OLD LADY. I'M OUT NOW!"

Viki, Sam and the staff realized that Pete was hearing and possibly seeing another alter, probably Miss Perkins. They slowly moved a little closer to where he stood.

"Pete, you need to calm down." Frank spoke in a clear and firm voice. Viki hoped Miss Perkins would be able to control him.

"Pete please, Mrs. Carpenter and Mr. Rappaport mean well, now behave yourself," they all heard Miss Perkins' voice say.

Susannah had been called. She walked into the room just as Miss Perkins said, "Pete I want you to stop this right now!"

"Pete, I think you should listen to Miss Perkins. You need to calm down. Tell me what's wrong? Why are you so upset?" Susannah asked, Before he had a chance to answer, Susannah noticed Sam walking towards Pete.

"Sam don't!" Susannah cautioned, knowing that if Sam tried to physically restrain Pete they both might get hurt.

"That's right Counselor, don't! No one touches me unless I want them to. I won't let anyone hurt me. I'm stronger than he is. I'll never let him hurt me. I hate him! I want him dead!" Pete was seething with anger as he spat that out.

"Who do you want dead? Your father? He's already dead, Pete. He can't hurt you anymore," Sam reminded him.

Pete rushed at Sam and pushed him up against the wall, and screamed, "HE'S NOT MY FATHER! I HAVE NO FATHER! HE NEVER HURT ME. NO ONE'S EVER HURT ME. I TOLD YOU THAT! I TOLD YOU ALL THAT!" Sitting cross-legged, he buried his face in his hands and started to cry. Susannah rushed over to him, as did Sam and Viki. Susannah knelt down to where he sat and put her hand on his back. Timmy looked up, and whimpered, "Pete scares me."

"Well, I don't think he meant to scare you, sweetie. I think he was trying to scare us," Susannah explained, as she rubbed Timmy's back.

Timmy looked around and saw Viki and Sam. Then he saw the staff standing near him and started to cower. "Is my daddy here too?" Susannah could see the fear in his eyes as he asked that.

"No, Timmy your daddy can never, ever come here, remember, I told you that," Susannah assured him, then asked the staff to wait outside. Susannah turned back to Timmy.

"Now why don't you come and climb into your bed. I'm going to get you some medicine that will help you feel a lot better and help you to take a nap."

Timmy's face scrunched up as he started to cry. "Noooo, I don't want any medicine. I don't want any medicine! I want mommy! I want mommy! I don't want any medicine." Timmy's cries got louder. "Mooooommmyyy!"

Viki put her arms around Timmy. She held him tightly. "Shhhh, it's all right, baby. We won't let anyone hurt you, shhhh."

Sam rubbed Timmy's back as Viki held him. "You're safe here, pal. We love you so much. We'll never let anyone ever hurt you again."

Timmy was trembling. He's breathing was erratic. "Let's get him to the bed," Susannah whispered to Sam and Viki.

"Come on pal," Sam said, as he and Viki helped Timmy to his feet. With both their arms around him, Timmy allowed himself to be walked to his bed.

"Climb into your bed, sweetie," Susannah gently prodded him toward the bed. Timmy obediently climbed in.

Susannah went to the nurses station to order some medication for him. She would put it in juice. Viki and Sam sat with him.

"Do you like chocolate pudding?" Timmy asked Sam.

Glancing at Viki and smiling, Sam answered, "I sure do."

"Me too. Mommy makes it special just for me." That point seemed very important to Timmy.

"It must feel good to have someone do something special and just for you," Viki stated.

"I miss Mommy. I think she's mad at me," Timmy confessed sadly.

"Sweetheart, why do you think your mommy's mad at you?" Viki put her arm around Timmy and hugged him to her.

"She left me all alone and she never comes to see me. She's mad because I make daddy hurt her." Two large tears trickled down Timmy's cheeks.

Sam sat down next to him and said, "Timmy, I know your daddy and if he hurts your mommy it's because he wants to, not because of anything you did. Your mommy knows how much you love her and she would be here if she could, but she's very far away and that's why she can't come to see you." Susannah came in carrying a cup.

"Timmy, I have some juice for you. I want you to drink the whole cup down, okay?"

"Do I have to? My tummy feels funny," Timmy whimpered.

"Sweetie, it will make you feel better, I promise," Susannah said and handed the cup to him.

With a little encouragement from Viki and Sam Timmy obediently drank it down. Sam, Viki and Susannah stayed with him until he was asleep. Sam pulled the covers up around him, and kissing his forehead, said, "goodnight pal, see you tomorrow."

TO BE CONTINUED

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