SECRETS - PART FOURTEEN

SECRETS - PART FOURTEEN

PREVIOUSLY

"Do Michelle's parents still live in the same house?" Susannah hoped.

"No, they moved away a few months after their daughter's disappearance. There were some rumors that they had something to do with it themselves. I guess they needed to start over somewhere. No one knew where they moved to."

Susannah had never been one to let a door shutting in her face stop her. She would just go around and look for another entrance. She went to tell Viki that she would be going out of town for a few days.

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Susannah and Sam went back to Todd's room. She was about to tell them she was going to Chicago for a few days when they heard Todd waking up. Viki spoke to him first.

"Todd, baby, it's Viki. You're in a private room. The surgery is over and you're going to be all right."

"Viki?" Todd asked, as he tried to clear his blurred vision. "Everything hurts." Todd looked around and asked, "How long have I been here?"

"Just since yesterday," Viki answered gently. Then Todd tried to reach up to brush a hair from his face and realized his hands were tied down. "What is this! Why are my hands tied down?" His voice filled with panic and fear. "Take these off! I can't stand being tied down. Take them off!" He struggled with the restraints.

"Take it easy Boomer. We don't want you to hurt yourself," Sam tried to comfort Todd.

At this point Susannah approached Todd's bed. "Todd, I want you to try and relax. You're going to hurt yourself if you keep struggling like this. I promise, we will take the restraints off as soon as possible."

"Who are you?" Todd asked sounding even more panicked than before.

Susannah remembered that Todd had never met her. "My name is Susannah Hanen. I'm a psychiatrist. I'm your therapist and I want to help you. You don't have to be afraid. No one here will hurt you. I want you to try and calm down," Susannah said soothingly to her still struggling patient.

"You bitch! Don't you tell me to calm down. Get these off of me!" Susannah, Sam and Viki all knew the man who had just spoken was no longer Todd. "Are you deaf? What are you waiting for? I said get these off of me! Who the hell do you think you are?" Pete was struggling against the restraints even harder than Todd had.

"Who are you? Tell me your name." Susannah pressed.

"So, you're stupid as well as deaf. You know who I am." Then Pete saw Sam there and decided to try a new strategy. He calmed himself down and in his best Tom imitation he looked directly at Sam and asked, "Come on Coach, you're not gonna let them do this to me, are you? You said you wouldn't let anyone hurt me."

Sam seeing those cold, angry eyes knew this was the same alter pretending to be another. He put his hands on Pete's shoulders and said, "I'm sorry Boomer, I don't want to see you hurt yourself either."

Pete was starting to feel cornered and trapped. He wanted to hurt someone. He looked at Susannah and still trying to imitate Tom, said, "Doctor Hanen, I'm sorry. I'll tell you who I am but could I whisper it to you, it's a secret."

Susannah leaned close to him, her ear near his mouth. When she was close enough he licked her face and burst out laughing.

"Did you like that bitch? You want some more? Just untie my hands and I'll give you all you want." Susannah backed away slightly. "What's the matter are you afraid of me?" Pete taunted.

Susannah stepped closer to the bed and then bent in slightly so that she was closer to Pete. "No, I'm not afraid of you. I want to help you. I think you want me to help you but you might not know it yet. You're not going to chase me away with threats or by acting out. I'm here to help you, all of you, and I intend to stay around until I do. Now why don't you just ignore the restraints for a while and try and get some rest? Even if you think you don't need it, Todd's body does."

Pete did feel tired but he didn't want to give her the satisfaction and for a few more minutes tried, unsuccessfully, to free himself. Then worn out, he fell asleep. His last waking thought was, You may have won this round, but the fight isn't over Doctor Hanen, not by a long shot.

Susannah could see that Sam and Viki were left shaken and upset by this alter's outburst. She took them aside and admitted, "I know things look bleak now, and I'm not going to lie to you. Todd is very ill, but things will get better. He is in a crisis right now. You have to remember Todd and the others have kept this a secret for their entire lives. Now the secret is out and that is terrifying to them. Most of them feel threatened. The way they have always lived their lives is being threatened and they don't know how to live any other way. Some, like the last alter we saw, may feel as if they are being sacrificed, even killed, by Todd's therapy. Survival has always been the main reason for their existence and they will fight anything that, in their mind, threatens that."

"I, of all people, should know that and not get so upset over this," Viki stated.

"Having something happen to yourself and having it happen to a loved one is not the same thing at all. The emotions are entirely different. Sometimes it is much harder to see someone you love sick or hurt than to have it happen to yourself." Susannah confirmed.

"That's just it. I know how much pain Todd is in, how much pain they are all in, even that violent alter. It tears me apart. I also know how much worse the abuse Todd suffered was than mine. What my father did to me was unspeakably horrible, but he never abused me physically. He never told me I was worthless or stupid. He never made me feel like I didn't have the right to exist. I can't even begin to imagine how Todd made it through that, DID or not," Viki said, with tears in her eyes. Sam put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

Susannah realized that she had to help Todd as much for her former patient and friend as for Todd. "I need to find out all I can about Todd before we really get into his therapy. I don't think Todd or any of the others will be very forthcoming about their childhood, at the beginning, and I would like to have some idea what I'm dealing with. Sam was as helpful as he could be, but even his knowledge of Todd's childhood is limited by what Todd told him. I want to go to Chicago for a few days. I want to talk to some of the people who might still remember Todd and his parents. Viki, as Todd's guardian I need you to sign some release forms so that I could get the information I need. And Sam, I need you to point me in the right directions."

Susannah could see that Sam and Viki were surprised by what she was proposing. "Todd is not strong enough to participate in therapy right now, at least not physically. He needs a few days to get his strength back. I thought I could use this time to go to Chicago. I will speak to the Chief Psychiatric Resident and he will look in on Todd while I'm gone. I will arrange to have him medicated enough to keep him from hurting himself."

Although not entirely sure of the wisdom of Susannah's plan Sam and Viki agreed to help in any way they could.

Susannah's plane didn't arrive at O'Hare until ten at night, far too late to go to any schools or libraries. She checked the list Sam had made out. On it were the names of all the schools Todd had attended, the address of the house he grew up in, the address where Peter's business had been located, the address of the house Michelle had lived in and Judge Connors address. Susannah could see that Sam had been reluctant to give her Michelle's and Judge Connor's address. She knew he was concerned about her bringing some "new, old" problems into Todd's already troubled life, but Susannah's instincts told her that something more than a child being embarrassed in front of a school friend happened that night.

As soon as Susannah got to her hotel room she checked the phone book. No, Edward or Margaret Baker, Michelle's parents were not listed in the phone book. She then looked up a number for Judge Connor, the judge who claimed to have seen Michelle leaving her house that night. She found a listing for a Michael Connor at that address and wrote it down. She then looked for a listing for Adam Beecher. He had been Peter's business partner. He was still listed at the same office address on her list. That done, Susannah unpacked her bags.

Susannah was at the Records Office at Lincoln Elementary School first thing in the morning. The woman behind the desk tapped her head and said, "Hmm, let's see, Thomas Todd Manning 1975-1981, those records are on microfilm."

Susannah waited patiently while the records were brought to her. They reveled nothing much more than what Sam had told her. "Bright, B plus average, quiet, keeps to himself, doesn't associate much with other children, shy." She then asked if any of the Todd's teachers were still at the school.

"Why yes, Mrs. Carter and Mr. Halpern, Todd's second and fourth grade teachers. But they will not be able to speak with you until the school day ends." Susannah said she would be back at 3pm.

Susannah noticed that Todd's family doctor was listed on his records. She quickly wrote down his phone number and address and left to get back to her rental car. She was in luck; Doctor Evans was still practicing at the same address. After explaining who she was to the receptionist, Susannah was told Doctor Evans would see her in a few minutes.

"So how is Todd? What is he now about thirty?"

"Twenty-eight," Susannah answered. "I wanted to ask you what you remember about Todd and about his parents," Susannah stated.

"Well, he was a cute little guy, always into some kind of scrape or another, always had a black eye or a broken arm, broke his collar bone once, and his jaw."

"Didn't all these injuries set off some kind of alarm in your mind?" Susannah asked, barely able to control her anger.

"Alarm?" Doctor Evans asked, either not knowing or pretending not to know what Susannah was getting at.

"Didn't you ever suspect he was being abused, that someone was beating the hell out of this kid?" Not being able to hide her anger any longer, Susannah's tone was accusatory.

"Look, Doctor Hanen, is it? I knew Barbara Manning all her life. Her father Tom was my best friend. If she told me her son hurt himself falling off a swing or a bicycle or on the stove then I believed her. There is no way that girl would have hurt her own son," Doctor Evans replied defensively.

Susannah tried to control her tone. "I'm not saying Todd's mother hurt him. Maybe it was his father, Peter. Did you know Peter all his life too?" Susannah couldn't keep a touch of sarcasm out of her voice.

"No! I didn't know Peter at all. Barbara was always the one who brought Todd in to see me and let me tell you something, Doctor! She loved that boy with all her heart. Barbara couldn't have children. Todd was a blessing to her. She waited a long time for a baby." Doctor Evans was losing patience.

"Why couldn't she adopt a baby through the normal route?" Susannah pressed. Doctor Evans didn't answer. "Doctor Evans, Barbara and Peter are dead, Todd isn't and he's in a lot of trouble. Please! I promise nothing you tell me will leave this room, no matter what, I won't use it against you. Please! Tell me what you know so I can help him."

Doctor Evans thought for another moment and then said, "They had adopted another child shortly before Todd came to live with them, a little girl. That child was removed from their home when it became apparent that that she had been abused and that Barbara had a drinking problem and was being abused herself."

Susannah felt bile creeping up her esophagus. "How was it they were allowed to adopt and keep Todd?" She asked.

"I only know what Tom told me. Peter Manning's cousin got pregnant by a powerful man. A man who made his own rules and didn't want a bastard child. He gave them the boy. No papers were ever signed. They got the child and a birth certificate and Peter was . . . well, lets just say he was well compensated for fatherhood and Barbara got the baby she had been longing for. So who was hurt?"

"Who was hurt?!" Susannah couldn't believe the words coming out of this man's mouth. A doctor! "Who was hurt, Doctor Evans? You saw that child's broken body and you ask who was hurt? Would you like to come to Llanview with me and see the man that child grew into? A man who has never had a happy moment in his life. A man who is so tortured that he developed DID. A man who can't sustain a relationship with anyone, who can't trust anyone. How could you stand by, knowing what you knew and do nothing?!"

Susannah was sorry about the promise she had made to this man.

"I was not going to be the one to destroy Tom's daughter by having her lose another child. She promised me she would get Peter to stop. Doctor Hanen I have patients to see, you have to go now," Doctor Evans cut off any further discussion.

"Just one more question. Please!" Susannah noticed he waited to hear the question. "Did you ever see any evidence that Todd was sexually abused?"

"Yes," Doctor Evans answered, without hesitation, and then left the room.

Susannah sat behind the wheel of her rental car. Her hands were shaking so badly she couldn't drive. She didn't remember ever feeling so angry in her life. My God! She thought, How can he call himself a doctor? How can he live with himself? Poor Todd, he really had no one to turn to.

Susannah went back to Todd's old school. Both teachers remembered him.

"Oh Yes, I remember Todd," Mrs. Carter, Todd's second grade teacher, confirmed, "A sweet little boy, very shy and quiet. He could stand or sit still for hours. You would never know he was in the room. He was very bright. I'm sure his IQ was quite high. I once sent a note home asking for permission to have him tested, unfortunately, his father refused. I could never understand that."

Mr. Halpern also saw Todd as an extremely bright, shy and quiet child, not really living up to his potential. However, Mr. Halpern had something else to add. "A quarter way into the forth grade semester Todd seemed to change. I know his mother left the home around that time because everyone was supposed to have their mom's bake something for a school fair and Todd said his mother didn't live with him and his father anymore. Anyway, before that he was good at physical activities, softball, gymnastics, and things like that. Then suddenly he didn't want to participate in any of those things. He even walked and sat differently, kind of hunched over; even his voice seemed odd. I used to say to myself that he reminded me of his third grade teacher, a nice woman, a little too old to still be teaching but she had a good heart. I heard that of all her students that year Todd was especially close to her. Miss Perkins, yes, that was it, Emily Perkins."

Susannah called the hospital to find out how Todd was doing and was told that, physically, he was improving and that he should be ready to leave in a couple of days.

Susannah's next stop was the neighborhood where Todd grew up. The neighborhood Todd's house was in was upscale, but not really rich. The house he had lived in was not as large as she had thought it would be. It was secluded from the other homes by the wooded property surrounding it. Susannah stopped at a few of the neighbor's homes, only one was living there at the time Todd did.

"Yeah, I remember the Mannings," the now retired Mr. and Mrs. Richards each had said. "They kept to themselves, oh the woman was pleasant enough, would smile when she saw you, always wore those dark glasses. Like some kind of a movie star. The husband was something else, never cracked a smile. They had a little boy, Tom I think his name was."

"Todd," Susannah corrected.

"No, I remember when he would be outside playing, his mother would call 'Tom, time to come in now your daddy will be home soon' and he would go running in like he was on fire. Funny little fellow used to talk to this imaginary friend all the time when he thought no one was there. I used to hear him when he would be hiding up in a tree near my property. No, it was Tom, I'm sure of it," Mrs. Richards informed Susannah and then added, "It's funny how children can change."

"What do you mean?" Susannah asked.

"Well, as I said, Tom was quiet, shy, well behaved, then at about fourteen or fifteen, I guess it was, he became a real troublemaker."

"Troublemaker?" Susannah prodded.

Mrs. Richards fanned herself and continued. "Yeah, bullied the other kids in the neighborhood ...

"Hell, he set my garden shed on fire, made that father of his pay a pretty penny to rebuild it too," Mr. Richards interrupted.

"Yes, and he got very fresh with the neighborhood girls," Mrs. Richards whispered.

"A liar too," Mr. Richards chimed in, "I confronted him once, about spray painting graffiti on my car and he acted like he knew nothing about it. I mean I caught him red-handed the day before and then he goes and acts like he had no idea what I was talking about. I'll tell you, we were glad when he left for college, somewhere in Pennsylvania I think."

Susannah had enough for one day. She thought, Wwhat a triumph it is to the human spirit that Todd had managed to survive as well as he has.

She knew that, like his sister, if he had not had the alters to protect him he would have been destroyed by his father. Not to mention his mother, who, because of her own sickness, stood by and let Peter torture and destroy the child she loved. She knew that Peter must have had his own demons to have treated Todd the way he did and that she should have compassion for him too, but she didn't. All she could think about was her patient back in Llanview and how would she ever help him to overcome all that had happened to him. Would she ever be able to make him whole?

Susannah headed back to her hotel room. Tomorrow she would make four more stops, Todd's junior high school, Peter's business partner, Judge Connors home, and the library. She wanted to find out all she could about Michelle and her disappearance.

TO BE CONTINUED