PREVIOUSLY

“Have you thought of telling Téa?” she asked quietly.

“Why would I do that when our marriage is over?” he asked in a tired voice.

“Because she still loves you and you love her.” Todd snorted and Viki looked at him sharply. “Lies ended your marriage, but maybe the truth can make a new beginning.”

“I can’t think about it anymore. It hurts too much.” His voice was barely audible. His sister recognized that he was at the end of his rope.

“Shhhhhh, it will be all right, Todd, I promise,” she murmured, cradling him in her arms. He slowly lowered his head so it was resting on her shoulder.

And that is how Officer Doyle found them when he opened the door a few minutes later.

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“No, No, No, No!” yelled Todd, an angry scowl on his face. “How many times do I have to say it, Susannah?” He glared at Sam and Viki, also crowded into the small conference room. “Bring in all the reinforcements you want, I still won’t change my mind!”

“Look, Pal, we only want to help you,” said Sam calmly.

“Then drop the subject!” It had taken Todd another month to get up the nerve, but eventually he had told Sam the truth about the sexual abuse he had suffered at the hands of Peter Manning. The attorney had been devastated, but now he was determined to help the young man before him, trying somehow to make it up to the boy who had slipped through his fingers fifteen years before.

“Todd, hypnosis is a proven method of discovery in psychiatry,” said Susannah patiently. “I believe it will help you recall what you can’t remember about the night of your fourteenth birthday. Now, it is clear even to you that we have reached an impasse in your therapy. Once you have recovered that memory, we can deal with it and move on.”

“No! Forget it! I don’t want to remember.”

“Why not?” asked Viki gently. “Todd you’re doing so well in your therapy. Don’t sabotage it now.” Her brother looked at his feet.

“Think about it. If I can remember…that…what he did in his study, the missing stuff must be even worse. Don’t you see? I can’t take it!”

“I know it is the most trite of clichés, Todd, but the truth will set you free,” said Viki quietly. “When you leave this prison in a few months, don’t you want the chains that bind you to be gone? All of them?”

“Try not to look at the therapy as another punishment, Todd,” said Susannah. “If you agree to the procedure, Sam is going to ask the judge to allow me to take you to the hospital for a few days.”

Todd snorted in disgust. “The psych ward? Oh, that’s so much better than jail. Give me a break!”

“Yes, you’ll be locked in, but you can enjoy the solarium and a staff that genuinely wants to help you instead of brutalize you.” Todd clenched his jaw, stepping backwards until he was pressed against the door.

“All of you listen,” he said in a dangerously low voice. “There is no way I will do this. Not here, not in the hospital, not in the freaking presidential suite at the Palace Hotel! Can you get that through your dense little skulls?” He turned around and pressed his cheek to the door, his fists on either side of his head. “All day, every day, I am tortured,” he said, swallowing hard. “But that isn’t enough for you people. You won’t be satisfied until you slice me open and rip out my guts!” He pounded on the door with his fists.

Officer Doyle opened the door, surprised the therapy session had ended so soon. Todd stepped up to him, barely keeping control. “Doyle, you have to get me out of here,” he begged.

“The therapy is court-ordered. I can’t…”

“Please, Bill,” said Todd, tears in his eyes. He held his hands out in front of him, almost begging for the manacles. Clearly affected, Doyle looked past him at the three occupants of the room with an accusatory glare.

“Forget the cuffs this once, Todd. Just go.” Todd turned toward the stairs to the jail. Doyle reached in and pulled the door closed in an unmistakably protective gesture.

Sam looked after them, tears of anguish standing in his eyes. “That poor guy is so scared, a prison cell is a refuge to him,” he said in a choked voice. Angrily, he pulled out a chair and plopped down in it, shielding his eyes. “There is no justice in the world when a monster like Peter Manning can die peacefully in his bed. I would give anything to have a piece of him now.”

“Sam, beating yourself up won’t help Todd,” said Viki. “We need to think of a way to change his mind.”

“Forget it, Viki! He’s been hurt enough in this life. You heard him! If he doesn’t want to be hypnotized, I’m not going to force him,” said Sam.

“If he were dying of cancer, would you let him refuse an operation that would save his life because he was too frightened of the surgery?” asked Viki, leaning her hands on the table. “Of course not!” she said, answering her own question. “It’s the same thing, Sam. He won’t have a life unless we can get him past this.” She stood staring into space, obviously considering a plan. “I wonder if Téa would be willing to help.”

“She divorced him and sent him to jail! Why would she even care, and why would he even listen?” asked Sam, exasperated.

“Because he still loves her and she loves him,” said Viki in a matter of fact tone. “Do you know she visits him in the jail every week and brings him little treats? Sometimes I think seeing her and his visits from Starr are the only things that keep Todd going.”

“She has a funny way of showing her love. I thought she was seeing that balding detective?” Sam’s face scrunched up in disgust.

“John Sykes is another Andrew Carpenter for her, Sam,” said Viki seriously. “A morally upright white knight to drive away her attraction to the Dark Lord. But it didn’t work with Andrew and it won’t work this time because Téa is drawn to something in Todd, something that she can’t quite let go.”

Susannah chuckled. “I’d better be careful, Viki, or you’ll be hanging out a shingle as an analyst.”

“I know she still has feelings for Todd. It’s worth a try.” She fished in her purse and pulled out her cell phone and Day-timer. Flipping through the pages, she dialed in a number. “Hello Téa?” she asked when the phone had been answered. “This is Viki Carpenter. I was wondering if you were free for lunch.”

………………………………………………………………………………………………..............................................................................................................................................................

Todd leaned against the cement pillar in the corner of his cell where the two walls of bars joined together. Both his hands were crooked loosely over the crossbars as he stared at the high, barred window. Imprisonment was weighing heavily on him that day. It was now mid-June and with four months left to his sentence, the prospect of spending the whole summer locked up was adding to his despair. Physically, he was wrung out. His nightmares were getting worse and worse to the point where he was sleeping hardly at all. The awful prison food killed what little appetite he had. Beyond that, there was his total frustration with the therapy, and his crushing fear of the secrets hidden somewhere within his unconscious mind.

Téa’s arrival cheered him a bit, as always. This time she brought him a frosty plastic bottle of soda. He didn’t move from his position as she came into the cell block, and she stopped in front of him, looking at him with concern. “Officer Doyle?” she called just as the policeman was about to lock the barrier. “Do you think it would be possible to let Mr. Manning out of his cell for a little while? Just while I’m here so we can talk a bit?”

“I’d like to, but the rules…”

Téa gave him her most enticing smile and looked wistfully up at him with her beautiful brown eyes. “It’s just that it’s such a lovely day and he can’t go outside to enjoy it. But if we move the bench to this little patch of sunlight, he can experience a tiny piece of it.” Doyle glanced at Todd, who hadn’t changed expression or moved. He was looking pretty pitiful, and clearly Téa had noticed it too.

“Oh, what the heck,” said the guard good-naturedly as he marched around the corner and unlocked the cell. “I guess he’s due for a break. Just call me when you’re ready to go.” He retreated through the barrier gate. Todd walked silently through the cell door and helped Téa move the bench to the rectangle of sunlight. He sat down next to her, but instead of drinking his soda, he pressed the cold bottle to his perspiring forehead.

“How did you know?” he croaked.

“Know what, Todd?” said Téa, getting more concerned by the minute.

“That one more minute in there and I would have started screaming and never stopped.” She turned to look at him, clearly worried.

“Why is it so bad today?” she asked softly. He shrugged.

“It’s bad every day, but today…I feel like it’s hopeless…like I’ll always be in prison.”

Téa felt the all too familiar guilt creeping into her consciousness again. “I know it’s hard, but you will get out, Todd. You’ve already served a third of your sentence.”

“Yeah, and then what, Téa? My whole life is a prison, you know that.” He stared at the floor.

Téa took a deep breath. “So why won’t you try the hypnosis that could set you free, Todd?” she said quietly.

He whipped around, betrayal in his eyes. “No, not you too! I can’t believe Susannah. She…” Téa held up her hand.

“I had lunch with Viki. She didn’t tell me anything except that your psychiatrist suspects you are blocking a memory and wants to try hypnosis.” She swallowed hard. “And you’re scared of what you’ll find out.” He jumped to his feet, leaning on the bars outside of his cell.

“Don’t I have a right to be scared, Téa? Or is that something I’ve forfeited along with the right to see the sky or feel the breeze?” He began to pace around. “Oh yes. Punish the prisoner. Force him into therapy. Make him spill his guts and make sure there is not one filthy, vile stone left unturned.” He turned toward her, glaring angrily. “Well, there are just some things that are better left alone. They can’t make me do it, even if they lock me in here for another 20 years!”

“Todd, no one is threatening that. They just want to help you.” He turned his back on her abruptly, shaking his head and staring into space. Téa stood up and moved next to him. In a very quiet voice she asked, “Have you ever considered that this…this…memory could explain why Georgie Phillips’ murder caused such a reaction in you?” Todd stalked away toward the barrier gate, pulling angrily at his hair.

“Who cares? It’s all in the past, over and done. Georgie’s in her grave and my life is in the toilet.”

“I care, Todd,” said Téa beginning to tear up. “Because her murder ruined my happiness.” She folded her arms across her chest and looked at the floor. “We were going to have it all, Todd. You said so that night in the Palace. But then you found her broken body at the lodge and it set off something in you…something that set us on the road to destruction.” She walked over to him and moved around in front of him so he was facing her. “I loved you Todd, loved you more than I’ve ever loved anyone else, and it wasn’t enough to help you,” she sobbed. “I’d at least like to know what it was that was too strong for me or anyone to get through.”

“It’s not your problem any more, Téa,” he said bitterly. “We’re divorced now. You have your nice, good-guy boyfriend; your satisfying, respectable job. Why do you care?”

“I wish I didn’t care!” she shouted, getting distraught. “I wish I could go to the hospital and have them cut out the part of my heart that just can’t let go!” She turned away, griping the bars of the gate and pressing her body up against them. Todd stared wide-eyed at her back, scarcely able to process what he had just heard. He moved up behind her. Her hair had grown out slightly and his eyes locked on a little curl hanging over her ear. All the pent-up loneliness of the past months overwhelmed him, and he couldn’t resist the proximity of the woman who had filled his thoughts every hour of every day. Closing his eyes, he leaned in and nuzzled the little curl over her ear, drinking in the sweet smell of her perfume.

“Téa,” he whispered softly. She didn’t pull away, but stayed gripping the bars, leaning back and closing her eyes. She was wearing a soft, white knit dress, and opening his eyes, Todd stared at where the neckline gaped open a bit, exposing the place where her neck met her shoulder. Slowly, he lowered his lips to her flesh and kissed her in the same spot he had kissed her on their aborted wedding night. Trembling, she reached back with one hand and stroked his hair. Growing more urgent, he took her shoulders and turned her to face him. Staring at her mouth, he leaned in.

“No, Todd,” she said, putting a hand up and pushing at his chest. “We can’t.” She could feel his heart beating through the thin cotton of his T-shirt. With tears standing in his eyes, he took her hand and moved it to his face, pausing to kiss her palm. She stared at him, an expression of pure anguish on her face as she slowly stroked his cheek. Todd shook slightly, undone by the first affection she had shown him since their estrangement more than half a year before.

“If I thought there was even the slightest chance, Téa…,” he said softly, “a chance for us…”

“No, Todd,” she said pulling away abruptly and wiping away a tear. “Our lives are separate now. If you do the hypnosis therapy, don’t do it for me. Don’t do it for anyone but yourself.” She stared into his gorgeous hazel eyes, and suddenly she couldn’t deal with the pain she saw there. Turning to the gate, she called for the guard. She ran through the barrier, putting as much distance as she could between herself and the man who had succeeded in resurrecting feelings that she wanted to leave dead and buried. Before she reached the outer door to the high security lock-up, she stopped and leaned against the cinderblock wall, letting the coolness seep into her skin while she waited for her pulse to slow down.

“Todd?” inquired Doyle. The prisoner’s eyes were locked on the door where Téa had just disappeared, and he seemed lost in his own world as he failed to respond. “Todd!” said Doyle a little louder, waving his hand in front of Todd’s face. Finally, Todd seemed to hear him and looked at him with a blank expression. The policeman dangled the keys and gestured toward the empty cell with his head. Todd turned toward it, but he didn’t move. Doyle was just reaching up to give him a gentle push when he heard an anguished groan.

“I…I need to make a phone call, Bill,” choked out Todd. “I’ve….I’ve got to call my therapist.”

TO BE CONTINUED

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