PREVIOUSLY

“Do you feel Téa?” he asked.
“It hurts so bad Todd…” she choked.
He held her tighter.
“Do you feel me Téa?” he asked through his own tears.
“I feel you Todd…” she replied.
They allowed their tears to intermingle.

*************************************************************************************************

Llanview General…

“How do you feel today?”

“Tired. And drained,” she replied. Téa had begun seeing her counselor again and this was her second visit back after her miscarriage. Carlotta was in the waiting room. Todd was at the Sun but had promised to arrive sometime during the session.

“Why do you feel drained?” asked her counselor, Dr. DaBiers.

“I’ve been crying a lot…I’ve been upset since I lost…Adam…” she replied, her voice drained of all emotion.

“That’s understandable. How has the lost effected you? Do you believe you’re ready for motherhood?” asked DaBiers.

Téa made a face, “I’m good with Samantha. And Starr, Todd’s daughter. I don’t know if anyone is ready for it. I think motherhood just happens. You can’t plan it.”

“But when you know it’s coming, you can prepare for it…”

“I suppose,” she answered.

“Did you want this child?” asked DaBiers.

“Yes,” she whispered.

“And did your mother want you?” asked DaBiers.

“I think I was an accident. Like Samantha. I don’t think I was planned for…” replied Téa.

“But your mother had you…” asserted DaBiers.

“My mother ran away from me when I was seven. She didn’t want me then…” she answered, “What’s the point of all this?”

“The point is your mother did love you on some level. She gave birth to you. She wanted to give birth to you…and she did. And I know you felt the same way about your Adam but…for whatever…biological reason…it wasn’t met to be…” said DaBiers.

“I see,” said Téa.

“But do you get it?” asked DaBiers.

Téa nodded her head yes but said nothing.

“So tell me some more about your mother. What was going on around the time she left?” asked DaBiers.

Téa let an eerie laugh escape, “My father had an affair with AnnaRosa – Roseanne’s mother. I suppose my mother thought what was good for the goose was good for the gander and had an affair with her stepson, my father’s son, Enrique…when that affair came to surface both my mother and Enrique left…for good…”

“And how do you feel about infidelity in a marriage?” asked DaBiers.

Téa frowned, “I don’t believe in it but I guess I have been…unfaithful…”

“Oh really?” said DaBiers, “Why?”

“I didn’t think Todd could return what I felt for him. Another man did…” muttered Téa, “Everything I said I never would be…I became…”

“Like mother, like daughter, is that it?” DaBiers asked.

“Yeah…” Téa whispered.

“Bullshit,” said DaBiers, “Get off this defeatist attitude. Take the opportunities you have now and improve you. Change what you don’t like and keep the things you do.” Insisted DaBiers.

“How can I do this when I don’t even really know who I am?” shot back Téa.

“I guess that’s what we’re here to find out – who you really are,” answered DaBiers.

There was a silent pause between them.

“I’m tired,” said Téa.

DaBiers nodded his head, “When can you come by again? I want to see you again by the end of the week. I also want to prescribe some anti-depressants for you take. I can do that now that you’re not pregnant.”

“Anti-depressants? Why?” asked Téa.

“Because when you go through something like this you’re body’s chemistry gets thrown off. Anti-depressants help to normalize the chemical reactions in your brain,” explained DaBiers.

“Are they addictive?” asked Téa seriously.

“No, they aren’t. You don’t appear to have an anxiety disorder for which tranquilizers would be prescribed. Tranquilizers are addictive,” explained DaBiers some more.

“I see,” replied Téa.

He wrote out a prescription for her and checked his schedule.

“Friday at ten, all right?” he said.

“All right,” she stood up and DaBiers walked her out into the waiting room.

Carlotta and Todd smiled at her as she walked out.

“How are you doing Téa?” asked Carlotta.

“Okay,” she said.

Todd looked at DaBiers intently and took his place by Téa’s side.

“Samantha wants to see you. Anton’s bringing her by the dinner after school. Do you think you could make it?” asked Carlotta.

Téa looked to Todd, looking scared.

He leaned down beside her and whispered into her ear, “You should see your kid…”

Téa nodded her head, “Okay, Carlotta…”

That afternoon
Carlotta’s Diner…

Roseanne rushed inside, threw her book bag on the counter and looked up at Cris Vega who was behind the counter.

“Cristian, I don’t have much time. I’ve got a lab in half an hour. Can you whip up a ham and cheese for me?" asked Roseanne.

“Sure,” said Cris.

“Roseanne!” came a voice. She turned around seeing that Anton and Samantha were sitting down in a booth.

Roseanne bit her lip and awkwardly walked over to that table.

“Hey guys!” she said sliding down next to Anton. Samantha sat across from her.

“Have you seen Téa?” asked Anton.

“No,” said Roseanne honestly, “She’s been…selective…about who she wants to see.”

Samantha frowned, “I miss her.”

“What do you miss about her?” asked Roseanne feeling nervous.

“Everything. I miss everything about my mother. I can’t imagine you miss her…” said Samantha protectively.

Roseanne raised an eyebrow, “You’d be surprised wouldn’t you?”

“O.k. Surprise me…” said Samantha.

“Ah, well, I miss…seeing her smirk…” said Roseanne thinking about it, “And I miss getting to know her. The real her…”

Samantha appeared surprised at Roseanne’s confession. There was an awkward silence between them.

“Rosie! Got your sandwich!” yelled Cris from behind the counter.

“I gotta’ go. I’ve got a lab I have to go to…’ said Roseanne getting up, “Take care you guys…”

“Adios,” said Anton intently.

Roseanne grabbed her book bag, her sandwich from Cris, and hurriedly turned around nearly running into Todd…and Téa. Roseanne gasped, “Téa!”

“Mom!” exclaimed Samantha shooting out of her seat and running over to Téa. Samantha ran right into her mother eagerly embracing her, “I’m so glad you’re here! I’m so glad to see you…!”

“Oh, mija…” whispered Téa hesitantly placing her arms around her daughter.

Todd’s face softened.

Anton walked up beside Carlotta.

“I – ah – I’ve got a lab. I’ve…got…to go…” said Roseanne clearly torn.

Téa looked up into Roseanne’s eyes, “I…understand. You should go…”

“But I want to …see you…spend time…with you…” said Roseanne nervously.

“You’ve got plenty of time to do that,” said Téa softly.

Roseanne nodded her head, “Good,” she simply said, “I hope you’re feeling better.”

“Thanks,” said Téa.

Roseanne and Téa exchanged awkward smiles and Roseanne left.

“Shall we sit down?” asked Anton politely.

“Sure,” said Téa. Anton and Todd escorted Téa and Samantha to a booth. Samantha clung to Téa as they slid into a seat together. Todd felt uncomfortable sitting next to Anton.

“I missed you…” said Samantha.

Téa sadly smiled, “I missed you too…”

“You’re sad,” said Samantha looking into her mother’s eyes.

“Yeah, Samantha, I’m sad…” replied Téa reaching out and lightly rubbing her daughter’s arm.

“I’m sorry you lost our baby…and so is Dad…” said Samantha sincerely.

Todd let out a breath trying to contain his own sadness…and anger.

A tear slid down Téa’s cheek, “Yeah…”

“Will you be okay?” asked Samantha.

Téa looked into her daughter’s happy but confused eyes, “I’m working on it…how are you? School?”

“School is school. Dad and I spend a lot of time with Blair and Starr…but it’s not the same. I want to spend time with you…” said Samantha.

Todd frowned. He had another supervised visit with Starr and his social worker with this upcoming weekend.

“You’re not still mad at your Dad, are you?” asked Téa.

“No…” said Samantha.

“Good,” said Téa.

“Téa,” said Todd, “I know…I mean, I’m tired. Are you tired?”

“Yeah…a bit,” said Téa.

“Do you have to go?” asked Samantha.

Téa gently stroked her daughter’s cheek, “Sweetie…I should go. I am tired. But I’ll see you again soon – I promise…” Téa lightly smiled at Samantha. Samantha returned the smile.

“Good. Because I want to get to know you better. I want you to be my mom so much…” said Samantha honestly.

“I want that too,” said Téa.

Todd stood up. So did Anton.

Samantha slowly slid out so Téa could get out. Téa stood up and looked into the sad eyes of her daughter. And then suddenly, Téa put her hands on Samantha’s shoulder, “Samantha – be patient with me o.k. I … love you…but I’m struggling with a lot of emotions right now…I’m…but believe me when I say I want to be your mother more than anything…”

Samantha nodded her head.

Todd placed his hand in the middle of Téa’s back and escorted her to the door when he stopped and looked intently at her, “Wait here.”

Téa nodded her head.

Todd walked up to Anton and Samantha. He softly addressed Samantha, “Hey – go give your mom another hug, okay…”

Samantha eagerly complied.

Todd whispered to Anton, “What’s Alton like around my kid?”

Anton shrugged his shoulders, “I do not know. Your daughter appears happy and gets along well with Samantha.”

Todd made a face and grimaced, “My daughter belongs with me…and my wife.”

Anton made a face.

Todd turned away from Anton and joined Téa at her side. Téa and Samantha exchanged good-byes and promises to see each other again.

TO BE CONTINUED…

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