PREVIOUSLY

"Todd, we'll find her. We will..." said Carlotta gently, "We all need her in our lives." All though she had never felt comfortable with his presence in Téa's life, she was moved by his display of anguish over the situtation.

"Then...you'll help me find her?" asked Todd.

Carlotta nodded her head, 'yes.'

Todd's lip trembled as his sad, lonely eyes stared out the window...

"I do, Delgado..."

*************************************************************************************************

Llanview

A day later

The docks, an abandoned warehouse...

It was raining. She had changed clothes after she left Llanfair, leaving her wedding dress in a rumpled mess in her house. She wore jeans and a casual long sleeved shirt. There was a smear of dirt on her face. In the abandoned warehouse, a black carry bag rested on a chair not far from her. She had spent the night in the warehouse – sleeping on and off, haunted by dreams of her past. She didn’t know why she found the warehouse – just that it was on the docks- and the docks seemed the right place go. On another occasion, a long time ago, the docks gave her life back…maybe she was hoping they would do that again. She sniffled and wiped her nose on the back of her hand. She walked up to the broken, dirty, window and stared out into the rain, her eyes empty…

She remembered haunting lyrics of a Spanish lullaby. A lullaby her mother used to sing to her. That same lullaby she would sing to Starr…

“Mommy, why are crying…?”

She turned around and walked over to the bag. She began to throw the contents of the bag on the dusty floor. A prescription bottle of codeine, given to her to help her overcome the pain from the burns she had received last November. A hunting knife, an old, thin, photo album, and lastly, she pulled out a necklace with a small letter “A” attached to it.

“Did I do something wrong again, Mommy…?”

She stayed on her knees, clutching the necklace, staring at it for the longest time with empty, lost eyes.

“Poppy, why did Mommy go away? When is she coming back? Wasn’t I good enough?”

Her lip trembled as a tear fell down her cheek.

“Téa…your mother isn’t coming back…” echoed the hard, cold voice of her father in her head.

“I wasn’t good enough…” muttered Téa outloud to herself, “I wasn’t good enough. I was bad. I chased her away…”

“C’Mon Téa, it wasn’t your fault she left…she was having an affair with her step-son…”

God, how gross…

“I was never worthy of her love…” said Téa slowly, deliberately.

Grow up Téa! She wasn’t worthy of your love…and you know it.

Téa put the necklace down and reached for the photobook. Old pictures of her family – of Del and Enrique and José and her. None of her father. Or her mother.

Téa swallowed and took a breath. She felt a shiver through her body and reached for her jacket, covering herself. She had to keep warm. Warm for her baby.

“I’m going to be a mother again…” she said outloud.

She took her hand and placed it over her stomach, cocking her head back, eerily grinning.

I can be a good mother. I can! I can be the first Delgado who won’t abandon her child…

“Are you a girl or a boy?” she whispered, “Do you really want me for a mother?”

“You’ll make a best mother, Téa…”

“I’m not worthy…” she said outloud again.

“I love you, Mom…” echoed Samantha’s voice in her head…

“I’ve all ready failed my first child. My daughter. My beautiful daughter…” whispered Téa turning her head to stare at the rain through the broken window.

“I want to be a lawyer…just like you…”

“I don’t have what it takes to be a mother…” said Téa outloud.

It grew silent as she heard the pitter-patter of rain on the roof.

“You have to know what love is to be a mother…” whispered Téa. Again, she wiped the back of her hand against her snot filled nose.

Carlotta loves you. So does Roseanne… all though she won’t admit it yet…Starr and Samantha love you…and so does…Todd…

“Oh, Todd…” she whispered, “Do you love me? Do you really love me?”

Of course he loves you. He moved heaven and earth to get better from the DID so he could be with you…

“But does Todd…really love me? Like I love him…?” she asked outloud.

She heard the rumble of thunder off in the distance.

“Oh, Todd, I do love you…” she said again.

“I’ll never leave…” echoed Todd’s voice in her head…

Again Téa put her hand on her stomach, “Do you deserve a mother like me little one?”

She paused.

She swallowed.

She got up off her knees and walked over to her bag, picking up the pills.

“It hurts so bad…” whispered Téa.

Téa…a good mother would never hurt her child…If you take those pills you could hurt your baby….your baby with Todd…the man you love…

“But does Todd love me? I’ve got to know…” she said outloud.

She stared long and hard at the bottle of pills in her hand.

“God, it hurts so much…”

“God! Oh, God…” she cried.

I can be a good mother. I know I can…

************************************************************************************************

Llanfair,
That Evening

Todd Manning stood next to the bay window in the den. His cold eyes watched the rainfall. He hadn’t slept. His face had gone unshaven, his hair wild. He stood there thinking…

After he had destroyed Viki’s kitchen yesterday, Cris Vega reported that the car Téa had driven off in was parked in front of their new house. He immediately went over there with Viki only to discover his wife’s wedding gown on their bedroom floor and no clues to here whereabouts. He returned to Llanfair with Viki – his stomach in knots – full of worry over Téa…and their child, knowing full well Téa’s insecurities could have driven her to the brink…he didn’t want to be alone. He wanted Téa. He needed her. As much as she needed him. This separation from her had made him physically ill.

Carlotta and Roseanne searched Angel Square for Téa with no luck. Anton and Cris were dispatched to NYC to check Téa’s childhood haunts but had called back unsuccessful. The night had been unbearable without her. God – what must be going on in her mind?

It had been twenty-four hours. Bo had just left with rookie cop. It pained him to file a missing person’s report on her. The only thing that would sooth his injured soul was her safe return to him.

Starr had witnessed him strike Cameron and his destruction of Viki’s kitchen. It had scared her. With Viki’s and Blair’s help, Todd explained to Starr why he did what he did. He knew all was understood, but maybe not forgiven when she embraced him.

“I want Tee to come back too…”

“Téa…why are you doing this…?” whispered Todd, “Look – I won’t be mad. I’m not mad at you. Just come back to me. Safe and healthy. Where are you Delgado?”

Blair had taken Starr home with instructions not to see him again until Téa was found. He didn’t want his daughter seeing him like this.

Viki walked up behind Todd and put her hand on his shoulder, “Todd – we’ll find Téa. We will…”

Todd turned to face his sister, “How could he do that to her Viki?”

Viki said nothing. Her eyes told Todd what he needed to hear.

“I don’t think you should come in!” said Jessie loudly. Todd and Viki turned to face Jessie’s voice. Cameron Alton walked into the den, his face a mask of steel. In front of him he pushed his daughter, Samantha, who was clearly upset.

Todd held his ground, “What do you want Alton?”

“I have something to say to both of you,” said Cameron eyeing Todd and his daughter. Samantha shot him a look that would freeze water. She was pretty pissed at her father right now.

Cameron reached into his coat and pulled out a legal document holding it up. Viki, Todd, and Samantha just stared at him.

“So? What is it?” asked Todd crossing his arms.

“This document recognizes Téa’s legal rights as Samantha’s mother and,” paused Cameron, “It gives Téa joint custody of Samantha with me.”

Samantha’s mouth dropped, “You mean it Dad?”

“Of course I mean it. It’s the right thing to do. I’ve all ready signed it. Once Téa signs it everything will be legal. I will not take away her reason for living,” finished Cameron decisively.

“Little too late don’t you think Alton? My pregnant wife isn’t here. She can’t be found. She ran out because you were going to take away the one thing she wanted…now a day later you readily give her what her heart has desired? Only she’s not here to enjoy it,” spat Todd.

Cameron swallowed.

Todd got in Cameron’s face and whispered, “You better pray Téa is found safe and sound and healthy. I swear to you…if my wife is physically hurt…I will kill you.”

“Todd, don’t hurt my Dad, please?” asked Samantha, clearly torn between loyalties.

Todd looked at the girl and swallowed, amazed at her uncanny resemblance to his wife.

“I just want Téa back Samantha. I’m just scared…” said Todd, “My stomach is in knots…”

“So is mine Todd,” said Samantha, “I want Mom back too and all though I’m mad at my Dad right now – I don’t want you to hurt him.”

Todd nodded his head at her and turned to Viki, “I’m going to the docks. I need some air.”

Viki nodded her head. Todd grabbed his raincoat and walked out.

Cameron headed for the door. Viki and Samantha ran after him.

“Cameron, what are you doing?” asked Viki.

“I’m going to follow him. He’s upset…” said Cameron.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” said Viki, “He’s upset with you right now.”

“I know. I don’t care. What matters is finding Téa,” said Cameron. He gave his daughter a small smile and walked out.

************************************************************************************************

The Docks...

He remembered this place. He had come here often before their trail reconciliation, thinking of her. Sam had been there then. The rain had stopped and a light mist sprayed in his face. The fog rolled in off the water.

“Téa…!”

“Why am I suppose to help you? So you can spew your rage and anger on some poor defenseless woman again?”

“I just exploded on this man…”

“Why do you think I can stop it?”

“You can’t stop it – I’ve been to jail. It doesn’t help. The only thing that helps Sam is Téa…she sees these things and she just stands there with her chin out and her shoulders back – she’s not afraid of me – and sometimes when she looks at me – I can almost believe I’m not so scary – I want my wife back…Téa’s the only thing that can make things right for me…”

He let out a long breath as his hands clutched the rails, “I want my wife back,” he said outloud.

Cameron stayed in the shadows watching Todd.

“Oh, Téa…” whispered Todd, his voice getting stronger, “Look – I understand. I do. I understand that stuff about parents – Moms and Dads – your Mom – she did a number on you like my Dad did a number on me. Look, it’ll never go away but…” he choked, “We can take it and change it you know – make it better. We can be the parents we always…wanted…and never had.”

Again he paused, letting go of the rail.

“I’m not leaving Téa. I haven’t left. I love you Téa. Come back to me…” he said, his voice cracking as he stared out onto the water.

“Todd?” came a voice.

He whirled around. She was there…several feet away. She wore a leather jacket and jeans and she was holding something…

Cameron looked on – his blood rushing through his heart.

“Téa? Is that you? Is it really you? Why did you run out?” choked Todd. He took a step toward her but she held up her hand and in it she held the hunting knife.

Todd stopped, visibly scared. She began playing with the knife.

“Do you really? Do you really…love me?” she said, her voice cracking.

He found her eyes, seemingly empty and he drew in a deep breath, so very scared for both of them…

TO BE CONCLUDED

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