TRIALS OF THE HEART - PART NINETEEN

TRIALS OF THE HEART - PART NINETEEN

PREVIOUSLY

"To the penthouse, Mr. Manning?" asked Fred.
"No, Fred. We're headed for New York City," he said decisively. He pulled the tie through his shirt collar, rolled down the car window and let the expensive strip of silk float away on the breeze. Drinking in the sights of Llanview as the limo purred toward the expressway, he mumbled, "Get ready, Delgado, because I'm coming to bring you home, and I won't take no for an answer."

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A group of children of various ages crowded around as Todd stepped out of the limo. A car of that size and opulence was a rare sight in this neighborhood, but they hushed their excited chatter and drew back in fear when they saw the scowl on his face as he checked the address of a run-down apartment building. Noticing his frightened audience, Todd thawed a bit and cracked a little smile as he rang the buzzer near the door of the building. A few of the children had moved close enough to touch the sleek automobile when a voice sounded over the speaker

"Mrs. Delgado? It's Todd Manning," he replied

"Come up," was the terse response, and he entered through the door when he heard the buzzer. Seeing no elevator, he slowly climbed the three flights to the designated apartment, wondering how an old lady managed to navigate the stairs on a daily basis. Finding the right address, he had his hand raised to knock when the door suddenly flew open and he was yanked roughly inside and thrown up against the wall

"I warned you what would happen if you hurt my sister, Manning," said Del through gritted teeth, as Abuelita stood to the side wringing her hands and clucking excitedly in Spanish to her grandson

Although the FBI agent had his forearm across his throat, Todd managed to choke out, "OK, so go ahead and kill me. But is that what your sister wants?" He didn't struggle or raise his own hands as the other man grabbed him by the lapels, and slammed his head against the wall several times. The old lady looked like she was about to have a heart attack. Noticing her distress, despite the fact that his head was swimming, Todd said, "This isn't the place for this, Delgado." Gaining partial control of himself, Del released him and stepped back, although he continued to glare with his hands folded across his chest. Todd straightened his clothing and ignoring his brother-in-law, addressed Abuelita. "Mrs. Delgado, I really need to speak to Tea. Is she here?"

Del spat, "She never wants to see you again," while the old lady sadly shook her head

"Tea is not here, Mr. Manning," said Abuelita in a quiet voice.

Todd fought down the disappointment and asked, "Do you know where she went?"

"Did you hear me, Manning? Tea is out of your life, so stay away from her!" shouted Del, taking a couple of steps closer to Todd. Abuelita suddenly turned to her grandson and let loose with a stream of Spanish. Todd couldn't understand the words, but he certainly could tell that she was not pleased. Del looked chastened as he turned his back and walked to the other side of the tiny sitting room.

"I'm sorry for my grandson, Mr. Manning. Whatever has happened is between you and my granddaughter, and it is Tea who will decide what will be, not him." Todd looked into Abuelita's eyes, and he saw something of Tea there. He felt himself drawn to the old woman.

"Will you please tell me where she is, Mrs. Delgado?" he asked, feeling desperate.

"I'm afraid that I don't know," she said slowly and Todd felt his heart sink. "She left here a few hours ago, saying only that she needed to go somewhere to think. I'm sorry I am unable to be of more help."

Todd had been looking at the floor in dejection, when his head suddenly snapped up. With wide eyes he said, "Thank you for your help," and turned toward the door.

"But where are you going?" asked Abuelita in confusion.

"I think I have an idea where she could be," said Todd as he slipped out the door.

"You'd better not hurt her anymore, Manning!" shouted Del to his retreating form, "or you will be a dead man!" He stared at the empty doorway, ignoring the disapproving glare of his grandmother.

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"I know you're here somewhere, Delgado," thought Todd as he started on his third trip around the observation deck of the Empire State Building. Since it was late Friday afternoon, the place was thronged with tourists getting a start on a long weekend of sightseeing. He was just starting to doubt his sense of her presence when he spotted her. She was dressed in the same medium blue suit he remembered from the day before, and she seemed oblivious to the crush of Japanese tourists surrounding her as she gazed out at the city of her birth. Todd stopped and took a couple of deep breaths, swallowing hard as he tried to let his pulse return to normal. He didn't even notice the spectacular view as he fought his way to the front of the crowd and took up a position about ten feet away from his wife.

Rousing herself from her misery, Tea realized she had been standing in the same position for more than an hour, and was no closer to figuring out the mystery that was Todd Manning than when she arrived. A prickling sensation traveled up her neck, and she shivered slightly, although the day was unseasonably warm. She fought down a feeling of panic. "He's here!" she thought. Slowly, she turned her head from side to side, scanning the mob and looking for confirmation of what her heart already knew. It took no more than a minute for her to pick him out. He stood a few feet away, gazing over the city and looking more handsome than any man who had spent the last three months behind bars should look. He turned and their eyes locked over the heads of the intervening crowd, and suddenly it seemed as though they were the only two people there.

Slowly, Todd worked his way toward her, ignoring the outraged curses of the people he pushed out of his way. He stopped a few feet away and leaned lazily against his side as he looked down at her. "No, I'm not falling for this again," said Tea to herself. Scowling, she broke the silence by saying, "So, I take it the charges were all dismissed." When he continued staring without speaking she added, "And as usual your memory is impressive. I wasn't sure if you'd remember what I said about this place."

He hardly moved a muscle as he said, "Thank you. I owe you my life." Tea was thrown completely off base by his quiet demeanor. "You saved me, Tea, when no one else could." She felt her heart lurch as she was drawn in by his hazel eyes. "Even after I…" he hesitated.

"Go ahead, Todd, finish the thought," she said angrily, willing herself to forget any soft feelings she might still harbor for the man in front of her. "Even after you threw me out, accused me of vile infidelities, and threatened me with violence! Is that what you were going to say?" She turned away, not trusting herself in the face of the misery she saw in her husband. "Don't bother," she spat. "I've heard it all before. It was a momentary lapse, you didn't really mean it, you'll try harder, blah, blah, blah." With eyes like steel she said. "Save us both the trouble and just go away. I'm through with you, Todd. Do you hear me? I've fallen for your line of bull for the last time and I don't ever want to see you again, let alone talk to you. Good bye!" She was reaching for her briefcase when, to her horror, Todd slumped against the glass barricade and his knees began to buckle. "Todd!" she shouted, grabbing him and trying to support his weight. "Are you all right?" He stiffened and quickly pulled himself to his full height, although his breathing was still shallow and he was swaying slightly. He reached up and covered her hand that was still holding his upper arm.

Looking determined, he said in a loud voice, "Look, Delgado, I just got out of jail!" He seemed oblivious as several people turned and stared while moving quickly away. "I came straight to New York to find you. I know I screwed up, but can't you at least hear me out?" He leaned against the glass and momentarily closed his eyes.

"Todd, when was the last time you had anything to eat?" said Tea, her genuine concern out-weighing her determination to ignore him. He raised one eyebrow and smirked slightly, although his lack of color continued to worry her.

"Eat? You want it in hours or days?" He seemed to recover partially and took a step closer. "You know, I feel like I've been riding a roller coaster the past few days. I thought my life was over. You gave it back to me, but then you walked out. Can you blame me if I haven't felt like eating, especially prison food?" Folding his arms across his chest he said, "Now that you mention it, I guess I am a bit hungry." He eyed her hopefully as he said, "I don't suppose you know anywhere around here where we could get a bite to eat?" When Tea continued to stare at him warily he said, "C'mon Delgado. It's just a meal I'm asking for, not a lifelong commitment. Can't you at least do that? Call it a thank you dinner from one of your clients." Smiling the little smile she found irresistible, he continued, "I've been locked up alone for so long-I could use a little company while I eat. And after you hear what I have to say, if you still want to leave…" He swallowed hard. "If you still want to leave, then you can go with no hard feelings, OK?"

Tea sighed deeply as she bent over to pick up her briefcase. "Why do I always let myself get sucked back into the little melodrama you call your life, Todd?" she asked, not really expecting an answer. "All right," she said. "But since you're picking up the tab, this lawyer is going for the best. I hope your credit cards didn't expire while you were in jail, because this meal is going to cost you plenty."

"We can go wherever you want, as long as it isn't underground. Windows, I want lots of windows." He looked out at the view of the city again. "You were right. I do like it here. It's a good place for feeling free after you've been caged up for a long time."

Tea panicked as she felt herself softening. "One dinner, Todd, that's all." She marched with determination toward the elevator bank, turning her head slightly to make sure he followed, instead of falling flat on his face as she feared. Breathing a little sigh of relief when he joined her in line, she added, "And don't expect anything more than a dinner companion. We're finished." Todd said nothing, but if Tea hadn't turned away at that moment, she would have seen a heart-breaking look of longing in his eyes.

Tea stirred her martini with the olive and stared across the table at her husband as he guzzled an entire beer straight from the bottle. She was secretly amused at the horrified expressions on the faces of the nearby diners in the upscale restaurant, although she was concerned about the effect of the alcohol on his empty stomach. When he signaled the waiter to bring another, she suggested he eat something before drinking anything else. He looked like he might argue, but held off on another round until after they had ordered. A discrete tip had landed them at an intimate window table, and Todd looked out at the view of New York with a satisfied expression on his face. "I don't care what it costs," he said turning back toward Tea, "it's worth every penny just to spend a little time with you." Tea looked uncomfortable as she took a sip of her cocktail.

"We're just eating together, Todd. I don't want you to think there can ever be anything more between us, not after you duped me again. Just when I finally started to believe that you had changed…" She looked out the window, feeling tears well up in her eyes

"Look, Tea," he said quietly, "I shouldn't have said those things to you….put the blame on you when it was myself I hated." He fidgeted with the silverware, then leaned forward on his elbows. "I really thought it was all over for me. I know you don't want to hear excuses, so I won't bother. I….I have no right to ask this, but I'd really like another chance with you." She shook her head no, closing her eyes tightly. "Please," he begged. They both tried to recover their composure as the waiter arrived with their salads. Todd angrily told him to get lost when he pulled out a large pepper mill. He picked up a lettuce leaf with his fingers, then thought better of it and grabbed a fork. Hesitating over the plate, he looked across at his wife and slowly put down the utensil.

"What's the matter?" asked Tea, dabbing at her eyes with the linen napkin. "I thought you were starved." She laughed without warmth. "Don't tell me you're going to refuse to eat until I give in to you!"

"Would it work?" asked Todd, leaning back in the chair. Tea shook her head in exasperation, but chuckled a bit.

"Look, you need to eat, Todd, or you'll make yourself sick. Let's just agree to have our dinner and postpone the heavy conversation until after dessert, OK?"

"If you say so," he said. Picking up the fork, he began to shovel the salad into his mouth, hardly pausing to chew between forkfuls. Tea watched in fascination for a few moments, then shrugged and began to pick at her own salad.

The rest of the meal was relatively pleasant. Todd insisted on drinking another beer straight from the bottle, then told the wine steward just to bring whatever vintage he wanted. The man walked away with a mercenary glint to his eyes, and Tea hoped Todd wouldn't throw one of his tantrums when he got a look at the bill. When their entrees arrived, Todd grabbed a roll and made a sandwich out of his veal cutlet, and Tea could no longer keep a straight face when she saw the outraged look from the haughty waiter. Todd looked up in surprise at her genuine laughter, enjoying the sound of it. "Now I'm worried," he teased. "When you find my table manners, or lack of them, amusing, I have to wonder if you're firing on all pistons, Delgado."

Tea took a sip of the rich red wine, and smiled slightly. "It's just good to see you enjoy your food again, Todd." She sighed. "I haven't seen you eat so much since…." She closed her mouth abruptly and sat back.

"Since the night of the 4th of July picnic," he finished. They stared across the table at each other, lost in thought. "We could have that again, Tea," said Todd, reading her mind. She shook her head, but said nothing and the rest of the meal passed in silence until the waiter cleared the dishes and took their dessert orders. Tea laughed again when Todd told him to bring one of everything on the cart. She was surprised when he ate almost all of it, washing it down with several cups of coffee. When the mess had been cleared away, and both of them were enjoying a snifter of very old brandy, Todd asked quietly, "Well, what's it going to be, Delgado?"

Tea sighed and looked deep into his hazel eyes, which were looking at her with hope from across the table. Her own eyes filled up with tears as she said, "I just can't do it again, Todd. I'm losing respect for myself." She swallowed, resolving to get this over with, even though she knew it would hurt him deeply. "When you proposed in the Palace that night, I thought all our problems were behind us. You seemed so sincere, like you really wanted to change." He opened his mouth to speak, but she held up a hand to stop him. "Let me finish. But it was just a dream, Todd. When we got home, you still couldn't touch me, and within minutes, you ran out and got yourself involved in a murder! You shut me out, and threw me out again! When I realized the Buchanans were trying to frame you, and tried to help, you refused to speak to me for weeks!" She shook her head and dabbed at her tears. "But I love you, Todd, and I just couldn't walk away when they arrested you. And somehow, I deluded myself into thinking that the ordeal had changed you, that the desire for a real relationship between us was genuine."

"It is, Tea. That's what I want more than anything," he whispered, leaning close.

"No, Todd, no. Because when things really got tough, when we both could see our dreams slipping away, you refused to trust me. You reverted to your true self and blamed me for everything wrong in your life, and you threw me out again!" Her fists banged on the table. "How could I let myself get taken in again!" She sobbed quietly, turning her head to look out the window.

"Please," said Todd, leaning forward and pulling his hair away from his face. "Can't you at least try to understand what it was like for me to realize that my life was over? Death, or life in prison, not a very pretty choice, Tea. I panicked, I admit it! But through it all I never stopped loving you." He was close to tears as he watched her unyielding profile. He reached in his pocket and pulled out the double "T" necklace, dangling it in the candlelight. "Do you remember when I gave this to you? You ran out on me….left me standing there like an idiot." Tea turned and stared at the necklace twisting and turning before her. "Not exactly the reaction I had hoped for. But I tried to understand you, Delgado. I forced myself to see things through your eyes." He slowly set the pendant down on the table in front of her, letting the chain cover it up in a little pile. "I know you'll never spend even a night in jail," he continued, not noticing that her cheeks had suddenly turned red. "But can you at least try to imagine what it feels like to realize you've thrown your own life away? Please, Tea, forgive me." Their eyes locked and a long moment passed as they stared at each other across the table.

"Todd, I've been taken in by your act too many times. At the Palace that night, I really bought it, and then you couldn't even touch me!" said Tea, putting her head down and staring at the necklace.

"I touched you in the jail," said Todd quietly.

Tea's head snapped up. "Yeah, when you had the safety net of knowing that nothing could happen between us while you were locked up! But what about now, huh Todd? Something tells me you'll make up some excuse and run out on me when I try to get intimate again."

Tea sat up in shock when she realized her husband was looking at her with true desire in his eyes. "You might be surprised," he said in a low voice. When Tea continued to stare and say nothing, Todd added, "All those months in jail, having to watch you leave me alone every night….well, let's just say I've given it a lot of thought, and I want everything, Tea. A real marriage….everything."

She fingered the necklace and looked down at the table nervously. "Todd, you might be ready for a sexual relationship, but you aren't capable of giving me everything I want. You can't give me your trust…and….and I can no longer trust you. Every time I give you my heart you break it all to pieces!" She picked up the necklace and crushed it in her fist, letting the tears slip down her face.

Taking a deep breath, Todd said, "What if I saw…someone? If I tried to fix what's broken in me?" Her eyes widened.

"Are you saying…"

"Well, Viki thinks I should see a shrink."

"And what do you think, Todd?" asked Tea slowly. He shrugged. She turned her head away again, shaking it. "You see? This is just more manipulation. You say what you think I want to hear, but you have no idea of what it takes to have a real relationship." Todd leaned forward and grasped one of her hands, shaking with suppressed emotion.

"Will you give me another chance, Tea?" he asked, staring into her eyes.

"No," she said, shaking her head. His face crumpled as he released her hand and turned to stare out the window. He brought up one hand to shield his eyes.

"All those months in jail," he said in a choked voice, "I let myself hope that I could have a normal life….that we could have a real marriage. Why did you come back and get me acquitted? If I'm doomed to always be alone, it would have been kinder to send me to prison!"

"You know the answer to that," she said in an even voice, though his words were like a knife to her heart. "I'm your lawyer and it's my job."

She trembled as he turned toward her with tears visible in his eyes. "So we're back to that," he said with a sigh. "OK, you can have it your way. You've been alone in that penthouse for all this time, Tea, and you know what that's like. I…I can't take the thought of being there without you." He swallowed hard and brushed his eyes with the back of his hand. "If you won't be my wife, will you at least consider going back to our original deal? Come back with me to Llanview and live with me like before, no strings attached. You live your life, I live mine, no questions asked." Tea felt herself being drawn in by his pain, and she tried to fight it, but she began to feel it was hopeless. "But if we happen to both be home in the evenings, maybe we could play a little Money Hungry, or do a 3-D puzzle of the Kremlin," he continued, the hint of a smile on his lips. "And if you decide to cook, and there is left-over food, I could help you eat it." Tea shook her head, knowing she was defeated. "C'mon, Delgado," he coaxed. "Just for a little while, until I get my life back on track." He drew in his breath sharply and closed his eyes. "I just don't want to be alone anymore."

Tea sniffed deeply and sat up. She opened her fist and let the pendant dangle from the chain, staring at it as it danced in the light. Standing up, she put on her jacket and stuffed the necklace into a pocket. Todd was looking up at her with a look of total misery on his face. "Well, Manning? What are you waiting for?" she said in a business-like manner. "You win. Once again, you know how to push every button." He stumbled to his feet, not daring to let himself believe.

"You'll come? We're going home…together?"

"Yeah. I still don't believe we can have a marriage, Todd, but I love you and I can no more leave you now than I could let you rot in that jail cell without trying to help you. Same terms as before-one month duration." Seeing him draw breath to speak she continued, "And if you even mention money, the deal is off." He stood rooted in place as he watched her walk toward the exit, feeling something between exultation and disappointment. His eyes widened as he saw the total sum on the dinner bill. Noticing that she was already waiting by the elevator, he quickly threw several hundred-dollar bills down and rushed to join her just as the elevator arrived.

A few minutes later, they sat side by side in silence as the limo headed out of Manhattan. Looking at his wife out of the corner of his eye, Todd thought of all the lonely nights he had spent in jail. "Now I know how you felt, Delgado," he thought. "Because this time I'm the one who wants a real marriage instead of a business deal." Tea looked at him and smiled, and Todd began to feel the tiniest glimmer of hope deep within his heart