TODD'S RETURN - PART ELEVEN

PREVIOUSLY

Sam: You're ok, Todd.

Todd: It feels so wierd.

[They exit the house, Sam shuts the front door behind them.]

[Scene ends.]

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[Scene: Hallway at Llanfair, upstairs. Todd is visiting Jessica. Coming down the hallway, he hears the refrain to The Goo-Goo Dolls' song "Iris", and stops in his tracks in shock. He regains composure, and proceeds into Jessica's bedroom.]

Todd: (Enters Jessica's room, the song still playing.) Jessica?

Jessica: (Sits up on her bed.) Hi, Uncle Todd.

Todd: (Wide eyed.) What's this song called?

Jessica: "Iris", why? You ok?

Todd: (Still a bit stunned:) That's just what it feels like sometimes.

Jessica: Like what feels like?

Todd: (Silent, zoning out, staring blankly.)

Jessica: (Concerned:) Uncle Todd?

Todd: (Comes back to the moment, blinking a little, looks around until he meets Jessica's eyes.) Ok. (Sees her expression.) I'm ok.

Jessica: Come sit down, Uncle Todd. (Pats her bed.)

Todd: (Crosses from doorway, sits on Jessica's bed. Looks at her.) Sorry.

Jessica: (Reassuring:) It's ok. What about the song?

Todd: That's what dissociation often feels like.

Jessica: Like what?

Todd: (Haltingly, looking into space:) Like I'm hiding, o-only it's in front of everybody, right? ...... O-only, they can't see me -- nobody can see me -- hiding...... I seem to go on as before (intense, almost whispering), and no one knows the difference....... (Looks at her:) I wasn't lying, Jessica... I wasn't.

Jessica: Everyone thought you were. We were all so sure.

Todd: That was Pete..... Look, I'm sorry I hurt you -- we hurt you. I wasn't in control.

Jessica: Why didn't you say anything? Todd: I didn't want everyone thinking I was screwy.

Jessica: Not people who know you and know better. Not people who love you.

Todd: How could I tell anyone I didn't know how I'd gotten the places I wound up? How could I tell anyone about the blank spots? The blackouts? Lost weekends? The noise in my head? Not remembering things?

Jessica: We would've understood.

Todd: That's all scary enough without telling people about it. I was scared and ashamed. I don't want to be locked up in some institution.

Jessica: You could've told my Mom. She'd've understood.

Todd: It's not easy to talk about. Trust is so hard for me, Jessica, even with Viki and Tea. I didn't want to upset Viki. I didn't want her to worry. I thought Tea would panic, leave.

Jessica: That's silly, Todd. Mom was worried about you when you took us all hostage, when you went catatonic. She always worries about you. She worries about our whole family.

Todd: (Registers the "our" with raised eyebrows.)

Jessica: Then, we all ended up thinking you were lying when we heard the tape.

Todd: Everyone hated me when they found out about the tape.

Jessica: That was before we knew.

Todd: You know I would never hurt you?

Jessica: Yes.

Todd: Ok.... I'm sorry for the things Pete did. I couldn't stop him.

Jessica: I understand. Now. I was really hurt at the time, and because of the whole hostage thing at the lodge. Do you understand?

Todd: Yes. (Pauses. Cautious:) Are you still hurt? Still mad at me? Do you still have doubts?

Jessica: Yes, yes, and yes. You're still my uncle, Todd. I love you. As awful as you are at times, it's still hard not to love you.

Todd: (Stunned, and in awe, he looks at Jessica.)

[Scene ends.]

[Scene: Todd's office. He stands at his window, his forehead against the glass, staring blankly in front of him, not-seeing, hands jammed in his pants pockets. Tea arrives.]

Tea: (Calls to him:) Todd? Todd: (Lost in thought and doesn't hear her.)

Tea: (Crosses to window, touches his arm.)

Todd: (Turns, head still against the glass, twisting his body slowly to face her. Leans shoulder and head against window.)

Tea: What's wrong?

Todd: I don't know. (Slowly taps his head against the window glass.)

Tea: Is it the Paper?

Todd: Me. (Rests his head against the glass.)

Tea: You?

Todd: Something's very wrong. I don't know what it is.

Tea: Physical?

Todd: Emotional.

Tea: Are you sleeping?

Todd: Less and less.

Tea: I thought I was hearing you pacing at night more.

Todd: (Stares into space.) Sometimes I leave the house to go walking. Sometimes I come here.

Tea: Please, let me in.

Todd: (Looks at her, distressed.) I can't.

Tea: (Reaches up and strokes his face, moves his hair off his face and behind his ear.)

Todd: (Quietly:) It's all suddenly going wrong somehow. I don't know how to stop it, Tea.

[They look in each other's eyes, as Tea continues to stroke Todd's hair.]

[Scene ends.]

To be continued in "Todd's Nightmare"......