Téa threw the piece of paper down on her desk in disgust. After a half hour of reading the same paragraph five times without really seeing it, she'd given up. She just couldn't seem to concentrate.

She'd hoped that going in would help her get her mind off her pain. That emersing herself in a sea of legal jargon would keep her so occupied that she wouldn't know anything else was going on. No such luck. Todd's face swam in front of her eyes and embedded itself in the back of her brain. She seemed to see him everywhere. She seemed to feel him everywhere. The suddenness of his death hadn't given her the opportunity to mentally prepare her for the grief she would feel and it whipped through her like an untamed wind. She gave a shuddering sigh and decided to pack it in for the day.

She thought briefly of having a drink at Rhodi's. Maybe three or four. She wasn't a heavy drinker, only prefered an occassional glass of white wine, but she felt a wild desire to soak her brain in alcohol so that she could forget everyone and everything for awhile.

The thought made her smile ruefully. No, that wasn't her way. She could run from her hurt and confusion, but it would be there waiting for her when she dragged herself back. Besides, it was too early in the day.

But I do have to get out of here, she thought, shoving papers into her briefcase. I'll go crazy if I sit in this spot one more second. Maybe she would go home and take a nap. She'd never felt so tired as she had the past few days. The strength of the many tears she'd shed seemed to rob her of all her energy. She stood up and gathered her things. In any case, she would be getting some fresh air.

Before she could move, the phone on her desk bleated, making her jump, and she felt a flash of irritation at the caller. "Téa Manning speaking," she answered.

The line was quiet for a second. She started to make her greeting again, but was cut off.

"I thought you would be keeping your maiden name after, you know, what happened...with the tape."

Now why did he have to go and remind me of that? she thought as her irritation increased. She'd been pissed beyond all reason when she found out about Todd faking the DID, but that was then and this was now and with Todd gone, she wanted to remember the good moments with him, not the anger and betrayal. And she loved him still, and would give anything to have him back. She kept his name as a way of keeping him in her heart.

Anyway, what business is it of his, what I call myself? she thought, but then admonished herself for it. Why was she mad at John Sykes, anyway? He was a decent man and it was a fair observation. Her voice was calm. Tired, but steady.

"John, I understand what you are saying," she began slowly, "but, he was my husband when he died and I vowed to take his name so that's what I'm going to do. Anger is wasted on him now, don't you think?" Even as she said that, the thought hit her again with fresh hurt. Oh my god, Todd is dead.

"I suppose so," he replied doubtfully, "And if it makes you feel better, then by all means do it."

Im so glad I have your permission, she thought wryly, but only muttered a thank you. She wished that he would say whatever he called to say so she could leave the office. It was getting more oppressive by the minute.

As if he'd her, he said, "Well anyway, if you're not busy now, I thought you might like to go out for coffee. We can just sit and talk for awhile."

"John, I don't think--"

"I'm just trying to be your friend, Téa. Im sure you could use some right about now."

She sighed. She didn't like the thought of having a "date" so soon after Todd's death and she began to resent him pursuing her now. Oh get over yourself, Téa she thought, Who says he wants a date? Maybe he is just trying to be friendly. Her mind flashed to the times when his eyes traveled hungrily over her body and she involuntarily shuddered. Still, she thought he was a decent guy and would back off if she made it clear that she had no interest. She supposed that she would have coffee with him and make sure he understood that she only wanted to be friends. "Okay. I'll meet you at Perks in ten minutes."

"Great! See you then."

She gathered up her things, trying to decide what to say to discourage John from his romantic interests, if he had any. Then if that worked, she could decide how she would live without the love of her life.

She met him at the trendy (for Llanview) little coffee shop a few minutes late because she'd walked the few blocks to the downtown section of Llanview, but she knew that he would be there waiting patiently, and he was. His face lit up when he finally saw her. She thought she should be flattered, but for some reason, it made the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. Maybe it was the way he looked at her, she didn't know, but she didn't like it. She was determined to nip any ideas of them getting together romantically, in the bud.

"Hi," he greeted and smiled. She sat down and ordered a cappuccino while he ordered a plain, black coffee.

"Not feeling adventurous today?" she teased.

"Not really. How are you, Téa?"

"Um...hanging in there. Listen John, I think we need to talk."

"You look beautiful today," he offered. "I like that color on you."

Smiling wanly, she went on. "John, I really like you, I do. But I hope you understand that I am not really looking for anything right now. It's too soon after Todd's death, way too soon, to even think about. I loved my husband very much and it wouldn't be fair to him, to his memory, to start dating. Oh god, I hope I'm not completely misreading you here, or I'll feel like a total idiot."

"No," he said, quietly, "You're not misreading me. I am...interested. I have been for a long time. I know that sounds horrible since you were still married, but I can't help it. You're so beautiful, and so strong. I admire you professionally and personally, and I was just hoping that I could get to know you a little better. Do you think that, in time, maybe things could be different?"

She sighed and touched his hand. "We'll always be friends John. We'll always have that."

"I don't want to be just friends!" he hissed suddenly, startling her. "I have plenty of friends, Téa!" Téa stared at him as if he'd gone mad, and he was immediately contrite. "Oh my god, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I've just been on edge lately. The station has been a madhouse this past week. Forgive me?"

"Yeah, sure, I think I'm going to go," she said all in a rush, still eyeing him warily.

"But your coffee hasn't arrived yet. You know what, I am feeling adventurous. I think I might change my order to cappuccino too."

"You have whatever you want," she said, suddenly angry, "Have mine. I have a lot of work to do."

John stood up before she could leave, and gently grabbed her arm. Tea felt like jerking away from him and stalking out, but she didn't want to make any more of a scene than they already did. Instead, she just looked at him, defiantly.

"Téa, I'm sorry. Please don't leave. I told you, Im on edge. I didn't mean it. I would like us to be friends, really. Please?"

She looked at him for a minute, then slowly sat back down in her side of the booth. She never took her eyes off him, even when her drink came, and she sipped at it, not really tasting it. John talked about work at the precinct, and asked her questions about her current cases. She answered when she was supposed to answer, listened when she was supposed to listen, laughed dutifully at his poor attempt at jokes, but she told herself that this was the last moment she would be spending alone with John Sykes. She was beginning to see him in another light, and it was one she didn't like.

If Todd were here, she thought with an inward smile, he'd tell Mr. Detective where to get off.

While John droned on, seeming not to notice that he only had half her attention, she thought back to their wedding night, replaying it in her mind, smiling at the memory. She blocked out the part about the tape playing. She wouldn't think anything bad about her and Todd. She only wanted good memories.

When she had finished her coffee, she got up to leave. John didn't protest this time, only offered to drive her back to the office.

"No thanks, I think I'm going to take the rest of the day off."

"Then I'll drive you home."

"John...no." Gentle but firm. She hoped it was enough.

John looked miserable, but tried to smile and nodded thoughtfully. "Okay sure, I'll see you later then."

Not if I can help it, she thought, but as she walked away, she could feel his eyes on her back, and knew that she would be seeing him a lot more than she wanted to.

Back to Part FOUR

Forward to Part SIX

This page hosted by Get your own FREE Home Page