SLEEP - PART TWO

PREVIOUSLY
So, Todd closed his eyes, thanked his demons for staying away for one night, and crawled into bed with her. And soon enough, wrapped in each other's arms, sleep chased away the darkness.

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She woke up, disoriented, and reached over to turn on the lamp by her bed, only to find herself in Todd’s arms. She thought she must be dreaming, and then, imagining Pete, she briefly wondered if it was a nightmare. But, the man sleeping quietly beside her was no apparition. She blushed at the thought. This solid man, biceps bulging from the grip he had on her, was definitely real. So this is what it feels like to wake up next to the love of your life, she thought. Not a bad sensation.

Todd stirred and looked at her with the same open love she witnessed in him last night. His arms tightened even more around her, and even though itseemed that she wouldn’t be able to breathe if they got any tighter, she found that she didn’t mind. He kissed her shoulder and snuggled his head in to the curve of her neck, relishing this small moment together.

“Well, Todd, I’m happy to see you too. But, I think we have some things to talk about. Why did you appear last night? Whatever did it is something we should do more often, because I’m going insane with all the alters running around.”
“How many are there?” he asked quietly, and the full enormity of his predicament settled on her.
“You have no idea, do you? They seem to know each other, but it never occurred to me that you wouldn’t know them.”
“I’m out for a couple of minutes at a time, it seems. Whenever I wake up, I find myself in midsentence and I have to improvise. When you or Starr are around, it’s easier, because I know I can trust you, but it was always harder before.”
He sees the look on her face and knows that she has no idea it has happened before. He struggles to explain.
“Before, when I was younger, I would black out for what ended up being days at a time, and I never really took notice of it. At first I thought it was the drinking, especially in college, because you can never be sure of what happens then, but times when I wasn’t drunk, I would just disappear and part of me would know what happened, but I couldn’t rationalize it for myself. It was horrible, especially around the time of the... rape... with Marty. I felt like I guess Kevin did: like someone did something and I knew it wasn’t me, but I was still getting blamed for it. And then, in prison, when I just couldn’t take anymore of the horror of it all, I would mercifully just get away for a few days, and then I’d be back. I remember little things from later, like Blair going off about arguments we had, when I had no idea what she was talking about, and Viki berating me for stupid things I did, that I had no recollection of. But, it was never enough to make me think about it. There were always bigger problems, and more things to complain about, without thinking about my little episodes. I know it’s not much of an explanation, but it’s the best I have.”

She ran her fingers through his hair, absently. She couldn’t remember the last time he had strung together so many words to try to explain something personal to her, and she figured this was about as personal as it got. Why hadn’t someone seen before? There had been so many years they could have helped him, without scaring him off. And maybe if someone had interfered before, the man she loved so much wouldn’t be broken and confused, lying in her arms.

“What about the alters that don’t sound or act remotely like you? How did people not catch them?”
“Well, from what we learned with Viki’s issues, it seems like this whole thing pops up as some sort of defense mechanism. So, I guess my head thought that it was protected better if no one knew.”
She noticed that the strain of talking all of this out was getting to him. A tear rolled down his cheek and her heart broke again.
“Listen Todd, you’re probably not going to be here for long if you feel threatened, right? So let’s do the most non-threatening thing we can: go back to sleep. We don’t have to worry about all of this until the morning, okay?
We get under the covers and try to forget about the demons rolling around in our heads, and maybe we’ll get a little peace.”
He nodded silently, and she felt the death grip on her torso relax a little as her husband got comfortable.
When he spoke next there was a plea in his words that sounded like a little child. He was so afraid of being even more lost than he already was.
“Téa, you’re not leaving me, right? No matter what happens? I can’t get through this without you. I know Viki and Starr are gonna be there, but you can still technically go.”
“No. I can’t. I used to think that you took my heart and soul, but now I know that you are my heart and soul. So, we’ll get through this. And when we have, we rebuild. No rules except for the ones we make, and no contract but our love.”
She lay down, pillowing her head on his shoulder, and kissed him lightly. “And now, Mr. Manning, you need as much rest as you can get. Fighting inner demons isn’t the easiest thing on the face of the earth, and that’s what we’re going to be doing, even if it takes the rest of our lives. Okay?”
He kissed her passionately, letting her know that anything she thought was okay with him. Then he promptly fell asleep under her, exhaustion and turmoil finally taking their toll. She leaned over, turned off the light, and let sleep take her, too. Any fighting could wait until tomorrow.

TO BE CONTINUED