Viki noticed that Sam just picked at his. She was very worried about him. She was about to call him to aside to talk to him when Angelo stuck his head out the door. "I think he's starting to wake up." They headed for Todd's room, to find out if it was Adam or someone else waking up.

*****

Adam was starting to move around. He was still positioned on his stomach. He had taken his thumb from his mouth and he was turning his head to the left and then to the right. He whimpered and pushed the blanket off of him. Susannah didn't want him overwhelmed by so many people the second he woke up. She asked Don and Connie to stay in the room and asked everyone else to step outside.

Viki and Sam were not pleased by Susannah's request, but waited with Téa and Kevin in the lounge area near Todd's room. Susannah stood on one side of the bed and Don and Connie on the other. Adam turned his head in Susannah's direction and opened his eyes.

Susannah immediately knew this was the same child. His eyes shifted as far to the right as possible. He did not even seem to notice Susannah standing there as he jumped off the bed. Susannah held her hand up to let Don and Connie know she wanted to see what he was going to do before anyone approached him.

As he had earlier, he ran across the room. He seemed a little wobbly on his feet. Susannah realized it was most likely do to the sedative he had been given. "Aaaaaah! Aaaaaah!" He called out and rubbed his hand along his thigh. Susannah remembered that gesture and wondered if that meant he was hungry. She knew it was not that common for children with autism to exhibit hunger this way. They would more likely stand in front to the refrigerator or a kitchen cabinet and cry or jump up and down. This child could not do this, so perhaps this was his way. Susannah also knew Adam being able to make even these vowel-like sounds was encouraging. It was a step toward language, and any vocalization needed to be reinforced. It could also be helpful to repeat the sound the child had made. "Aaaaaah! Great talking!" Susannah praised and held out a Goldfish cracker to him." Adam didn't attempt to sniff it or have anything to do with it. For now, these crackers were not a reinforcer to this child. Susannah needed to find out, what, if anything, Adam would eat.

"Connie, will you please order a grilled cheese sandwich and a peanut butter and jelly one too. Also, please order some chicken fingers, fries, macaroni and cheese or alphabet pasta . . . and get some milk and different flavors of juice boxes and cookies from the pantry and please order enough adult meals for everyone. Oh, and bring a couple of sippy cups." Usually the parents of a child with autism were able to tell the therapist what kind of food the child liked or would at least be willing to eat. That was not possible in this case. Susannah was not sure what this little boy's taste preference was so she wanted to make sure to try to have several things he might eat. Although, sometimes the child's preference was not what you'd expect. Susannah remembered one little girl she worked with who would only work for extra hot barbecue-flavored potato chips and a little boy who would only eat olives.

Adam continued to run back and forth across the room. He began to make clucking sounds. Then, as if just noticing it, he headed for the window and started playing with the shade, the way he had in Susannah's office. Susannah approached him. She spoke soothingly to him. She tried contacting Todd and then one of the adult caretakers, finally some of the other child alters. Her attempts were once again unsuccessful. Adam continued to play with the shade. Cautiously, Susannah placed her hand on his back. He jerked away, but not as vehemently as he had earlier in her office. Susannah was hoping that he was not as oversensitive to touch as she had feared. Perhaps because he had just come out for the first time touch was more frightening than uncomfortable to him. Susannah hoped that would be the case, because lots of hands-on therapy would be needed with Adam.

This time he tired of playing with the shade on his own and started to run across the room again. Susannah opened the door allowing him to leave his room, if he chose. He didn't seem to notice. He was getting a little short of breath. She did not want to have to restrain or sedate him again. Considering Adam was not a typical child with autism and since it was possible that he had been in the system, observing the other's engage in life's activities, Susannah decided, to see if he could do some of the more advanced skills. If not, she would know that his programs had to be started at the most basic level. Susannah called Kevin in. "You want me to go in before mom and Sam?" Kevin was surprised. "I want you to sit on the floor with some toys and play with them. I want to see if he will willingly come over to you?" Susannah understood how unlikely this was, nevertheless, she needed to assess this child.

Kevin came into the room and sifted through the toy box. He pulled out a truck, a puzzle, Mr. Bear and a bright yellow ball. Except for the truck most of the toys were Timmy's. Susannah had gone down to the gift shop earlier and had gotten some Skittles and M&M's along with the Goldfish crackers.

Kevin looked up at Susannah. "Just go ahead and play with them," Susannah instructed. Kevin felt a little silly at first. He picked up the truck first and pushed it along the floor while making truck sounds. Adam paid no attention to him. He continued to run back and forth. Kevin picked up the stuffed bear and danced him along the floor. Not knowing what else to do, Kevin sang some of the Yogi Bear theme song that he remembered from one of his favorite childhood cartoon shows. Adam stopped running and stood still. He cocked his head in Kevin's direction. Kevin kept singing as he looked towards Susannah for instruction. "Keep singing," Susannah requested. "Yogi Bear is smarter than the average bear. Yogi Bear is always in the ranger's hair . . . " Kevin began the song again. They could not tell if he was seeing Kevin or not. "Ehhhh, ehhhh," Adam called out. Susannah smiled. He seemed to like the singing. "Ehhhh, I like the way you're talking and standing nicely!" Susannah quickly praised. Her voice was animated and her smile broad. She reached into her pocket and randomly pulled out a yellow M&M. Although he appeared to be looking nowhere near Susannah's hand, he obviously was. He sniffed her hand and the candy in it and grabbed it and shoved it in his mouth, as he had done with the Kiss.

Susannah was very pleased. No doubt, at least for now, chocolate was an excellent reinforcer for this little boy, singing and music might be too. Susannah was about to tell Kevin to start singing again when the child plopped himself down on the floor and began stimming. He held his hands up near the sides of his face and started wiggling his fingers. He also began to make a squeaking, almost, mouse like sound. Susannah knew this too was common.

"What's he doing?" Kevin asked, as he stood up and approached Susannah. "Is he okay?" "Yes, he is self-stimulating. It may be his way to self-calm or he may be bored or frustrated or telling us to reduce our demands or remove his source of frustration. You did great with the singing," Susannah praised Kevin. "Too much time in front of the TV as a kid," Kevin joked. "Well, you see, it paid off," Susannah joked back. "Kevin, will you please ask your mom and Sam and Téa to come in here now?" Kevin headed for the lounge.

Sam, Téa and Viki were waiting anxiously when Kevin told them it was all right for them to go to Todd's room. They immediately followed him back there. "How is he?" Viki asked on the way. "He's seems a lot calmer. He was running around again, but when Susannah opened the door he didn't try to run out. I don't even think he noticed. He seemed to like a cartoon jingle I sang to him." "Did he look at you?" Téa asked. "I'm not sure. I don't think so. It's pretty hard to tell with him keeping his eyes to the side the way he does," Kevin answered.

They headed to where Susannah stood. They watched this child for a few minutes. He seemed lost in his own world as he continued to wiggle his fingers and make squeaking sounds. "I've ordered some food for him. I think he may be hungry." She told them she also ordered some food for them and asked them if they would sit down and have some dinner when the food came. She wanted to observe his behavior in that situation. Susannah then told them that she called to the adult caretakers, the children, and tried to call Todd to the front and got no response, but that she really didn't expect one at this time.

Susannah turned to Viki. "Since I was not able to get through to any other alter or to Todd I think this would be a good time to give him his name. Viki, why don't you approach him and try out his new name. Don't say 'your name is Adam' to him. Say 'what's your name?' and then model the answer for him, with the instruction 'say' by saying, 'say, my name is Adam.' See if he responds to you. Please don't feel discouraged if he doesn't. He has not responded to anyone yet. I'm sure this is way too advanced for him. I don't think he's anywhere close to handling conversational skills or open-ended rote questions like 'what's your name.' I just need to make sure of that."

Viki knelt down beside him. He made no move to get away from her. He did not acknowledge her presence in any way either. Viki stared at him. She was amazed at the youthfulness and innocence of his face. He clearly looked younger than even Timmy did. She wondered if he was able to see her. His sideways stare was off-putting. Viki wanted to hold him so badly her arms ached. She knew she couldn't, yet. "What's your name? Say, my name is Adam!" Viki spoke cheerfully. Adam didn't respond. Viki tried again. No response. Viki gently stroked his arm and whispered, "I love you Adam." He continued to stare at his wiggling fingers. Susannah walked to where Viki knelt and put her hand on Viki's shoulder. She knew that despite her words of caution, Viki was disappointed Adam had not responded to her. Viki stood up and walked over to where Sam and Téa stood.

Susannah picked up the large yellow ball. She approached all of them so they could all hear what she had to say, but directed her request to Téa. "Téa, will you please sit on the floor, about three feet in front of him. I want you to hold the ball at his eye level then bring it down to the floor to try to engage his attention. Eventually we may gently tap his cheek or turn his face in our direction. He may begin to understand that he needs to pay attention and look if we just hold our hand near his face or he may begin to understand phrases like 'look at me' or 'you're not paying attention.' Even then we don't like to use these and other verbal cues like, 'hands down' or 'sit quietly,' excessively. We would reserve those for extreme inattentiveness. They can easily become a habit that is difficult to break. We want him to develop internal control instead of us giving him external control through cues. It is best to use differential reinforcement of good performance and good attending skills. We also don't use the child's name when giving the instruction. They can begin to think of their name as part of the instruction if we do that. Another thing, if you decide to allow me to use ABA with Adam, new skills would not be taught under these conditions, meaning, in his room, on the floor, with so many people, objects and toys around. They would be taught at a table and in isolation. The table would be off in a corner and there would be nothing around to distract him. Later on, when the skill is learned we would have him demonstrate it in a more naturalistic setting, like this room "

Susannah once again, spoke directly to Téa. "Once you've passed the ball in front of him, give him the instruction 'do this,' then roll the ball to him." Susannah addressed all of them again. "This is most likely too advanced for him. He doesn't have the necessary attending or imitation skills to comply. He may not even have the necessary motor skills. I just need to be sure of that during this assessment. We will do it three times, as one time is never enough to be sure if he already knows a skill." Susannah explained this so they wouldn't become disappointed or anxious if Adam could not comply at this time. She once again addressed only Téa. "Now, since you are the one asking him to do this task you need to be the one to reinforce it if he does it. Even if I have to physically prompt him and even if he is crying, the second he complies you give him verbal praise and the edible reinforcer at the same time. Remember, we always pair a secondary reinforcer, which is the social praise, with the primary reinforcer, in this case the M&M." Susannah handed Téa the bag of M&M's. "Just one at a time for this, unless he complies on his own while giving eye contact," she cautioned. Susannah addressed all of them again. "You can also praise by letting him know what skill he just complied with. For instance if you just prompted him to stand, you could say, 'That's standing up!'"

Téa sat cross-legged, facing Adam. He paid no attention to her and continued to wiggle his fingers and make the mouse like sounds. Susannah positioned herself behind him. "Okay, Téa," Susannah cued her. Susannah placed her hands on Adam's forearms and brought his hands down from his face to his lap. Adam did not like having his stimming interrupted. He started to cry, but not tantrum. Téa passed the ball in front of Adam's line of vision and placed it on the floor. "Do this," Tea instructed, gently but firmly. She rolled the ball to Adam. Susannah waited a couple of seconds to see if he would comply on his own. She really didn't expect him to. She realized he would, most likely, have no idea what to do. Since this was his first trial at rolling the ball and he had no understanding of a correct response, Susannah used a full physical prompt and gently manipulated Adam's hands into pushing the ball. Adam continued to cry as Susannah did this.

"Great job Adam! I love the way you rolled the ball!" Téa praised, exuberantly. Téa had his reward ready. By chance, she had pulled two yellow and one red M&M from the bag. She handed him one of the yellow M&M's as she praised him. Adam's crying lowered. He sniffed the candy and quickly popped it in his mouth. Adam started to stim again. Susannah motioned for Téa to repeat everything she had just done. Susannah once again brought Adam's hands down to his lap. His crying increased. "Do this," Téa instructed. Again, Susannah needed to use a full physical prompt. She manipulated Adam's hands into rolling the ball. "Terrific Adam! That's rolling the ball!" Téa praised and smiled brightly as she held out another M&M. She had randomly chosen the last yellow M&M in her hand. Adam's crying lowered as he sniffed the candy and shoved it in his mouth. They did it for the third time. Adam still needed a full physical prompt. Téa praised and held out the last M&M's in her hand, the red one. Adam didn't sniff it. He started to cry louder. He began to scream. He lay down on the floor and began to kick his feet. They were shocked by his sudden tantrum.

Startled, Téa stood up. "What happened? What did I do!" She asked frantically. Why is he so upset?" Viki asked, worriedly, heading over to Adam. "I'm not sure," Susannah responded honestly. "Téa, Viki, let's walk over here. Susannah headed to where Sam and Kevin stood. Téa handed the bag of candy back to Susannah. Sam started to go to Adam. Susannah placed her hand on Sam's arm. "Sam, please, don't go and try to comfort him now." "I thought this was just observation," Sam responded angrily. "Yes, it is, but you are going to reinforce this behavior if you go to comfort him. It will be sending him the wrong message." Susannah tried to reason with him. Adam kept screaming, crying and kicking.

"Look Susannah! I don't remember hearing Viki give you permission for this program or whatever the hell you call it. You are just supposed to be assessing him." Sam was getting angrier by the second. He turned to Viki. "Are you going to allow her to ignore him!" Sam was not only speaking loudly because of his anger, but to be heard over Adam's high pitched, childlike cries and screams.

Viki didn't know what to do. She wanted to comfort him as much as Sam did, maybe more, but she also wanted to do what would help him in the long run. "VIKI!" Sam shouted, in pure anger this time, "FOR GOD'S SAKE!" "Maybe he just wanted more candy than I was offering him?" Téa suggested, trying to think of something. "Maybe that's it," Sam agreed. He turned to Susannah. "Let me have that package of M&M's." "Sam, I don't think that's a good idea. Please, allow him some time to calm on his own." "Susannah give me the damn candy or I'll take it from you!" Sam threatened.

They were shocked. No one could imagine that Sam would ever speak to anyone that way, let alone Susannah. Viki, Téa and Kevin shared uncomfortable looks. Viki was more afraid for Sam at that moment than she was for Adam. "Susannah, please, we really haven't decided to allow the ABA program yet. Let Sam try to calm him, just this once. Adam's just a baby and he's only been out for a few hours. Surely it can't hurt just this once," Viki pleaded. Susannah realized that Viki had the final say when it came to treatment and she had promised this was just going to be an assessment. However, she knew that comforting this child during his tantrum would just be making things more difficult for him, but she handed Sam the candy.

Sam rushed over to Adam, whose tantrum was not letting up in the least. "Don't put your hands near his mouth," Susannah cautioned. Sam held up the bag of candy near his face. "Adam look! Here, you can have all the candy you want. Shhh, it's all right." The tantrum continued. Sam poured some of the colorful candies in the palm of his hand. He held them out near the right side of Adam's face. Adam's crying lowered. He stopped kicking and sat up. He sniffed the candies in Sam's hand and then picked out only the two yellow ones. He quickly shoved them in his mouth.

"My God, he only wanted the yellow ones. All that fuss because of the wrong color candy!" Téa was amazed. "Susannah, do you think that was it?" Viki asked. "That would not be the most typical reaction, but in this case, yes, in this case I do believe that was what this tantrum was all about," Susannah sighed and added, "Unfortunately, Adam had just been taught that tantruming is a great way of getting what he wants."

"Damn it, Susannah! He should get what he wants. Hasn't Todd and all of them been through enough. So what if he wanted some yellow candy! I'll buy him a whole factory of yellow candy if it will make him happy!" Sam voice was still filled with anger.

Susannah understood Sam. She knew his guilt was driving his behavior. Hearing the alters talk about the abuse they endured was bad enough, but hearing Todd remember it and seeing what it did to him was too much for Sam. He was desperate to stop all the pain for them any way he could.

Adam had given his attention back to the ball. He started to spin it. "Hey pal, you want me to play with you?" Sam tried to roll the ball away from him with the intent of rolling it back. Once again Adam started to scream and cry. Sam quickly gave him back the ball. He just as quickly stopped tantruming and went back to spinning the ball.

Connie and Don shook their heads. They knew that Sam was reinforcing this child's inappropriate behavior, yet their hearts broke for the torment they knew Sam was going through.

Sam tried to get Adam's attention several times, to no avail. He finally gave up and walked over to where Viki and Susannah stood. He handed the bag of candy back to Susannah, without an apology. He turned to Viki. "If you're angry with me just save it. I know I have no legal rights to any decisions where Todd is concerned, but if you think I'm going to stand by and allow that child to scream and cry, think again! You'll have to ban me from seeing him." "Viki had never seen Sam like this. He was being irrational. "Honey, I would never let anyone keep you from seeing Todd or any of them. They all need you as much as they do me." "Yeah, well Susannah may have other ideas," Sam stated, looking directly into Susannah's eyes. "Sam, I wouldn't do that. I agree with Viki. They all need you. I don't think this is a good time to continue discussing plans for Adam's treatment. I think we all need some time to calm down and think things through. I told you that I would only observe this child for now. I was wrong to ask you to start following a treatment program for him. I am just afraid you will find out that his tantruming will increase if it is attended to."

Despite the tension in the room, Susannah continued her assessment. She dumped the remaining M&M's into her hand and pulled out all the yellow ones. She placed them in a plastic cup. She took the ball away for a second and held it up. She modeled, "ball." She wondering if he could, at least, echo her words. She thought that perhaps he might have some language. "Ball" she repeated. "AAAHHHH!" Adam protested loudly. "AAAHHHH, great talking!" Susannah praised and held out a one of the yellow candies to him. She hoped eventually his "ahhh" sound could be shaped into ball and other similar sounding words. As he had been doing he sniffed it and quickly ate the candy. Susannah held the ball up near her face. "Ba," she tried. Susannah assumed that he was not ready for the entire word, "ball," yet. The fact that he was able to make sounds was encouraging though. She would have to try to model the sounds of just the first letter of some words for him. Adam didn't look up or echo. Susannah placed the ball on the floor, in front of him, and modeled, "ba." Adam placed his hands on the ball and started to spin it again. He did not acknowledge Susannah's presence. Susannah understood that he was not capable of language or sustained eye contact yet, maybe very far from it. Those skills would usually not be taught at the beginning. Right now, without the benefit of a previous diagnosis and assessment, she had to find out his current baseline level of skills and set up a program based on them, if Viki would allow her to set up a program at all.

"Do you think he likes this ball because it's yellow?" Kevin asked. "That is a strong possibility," Susannah agreed as she stood up. Suddenly tiring of his game Adam stood up and ran over to the other side of the room. He seemed to finally notice the door that led to the hallway. He ran out with Don and Susannah following him. "Let him be," Susannah called out. She wanted to observe his every move. The others followed and watched, not believing their eyes. Adam had gotten up on the tips of his toes and started walking down the hall that way. "What is he doing?" Sam asked, in amazement. "It's called toe-walking. It's common for some children with autism to walk this way," Susannah informed him, even more sure of her diagnosis now.

"Why do children with autism do that?" Téa asked. "No one really knows for sure. It may be a neruologically driven behavior. It may have to do with his sense of touch or sensory input. He might not like the way the floor feels on the soles of his feet. There is a difference in the temperature out in the hallway. I can't say for sure."

Even though Susannah knew this behavior was not unusual to children with autism, she was astonished that Todd's muscles could sustain this. She had worked with autistic alters before, however, Adam was demonstrating far more stereotypic behaviors than any DID patient she had ever worked with.

Adam toe-walked to the nurses station. He placed his hands, palm down on the desk and headed down the hall towards Susannah's office, that he was able to stay on his toes for that long was mind boggling to all of them. Carl came back from his break. He stopped dead in his tracks. He was as surprised as the others were to see the sight before his eyes. Adam got to the end of the hallway he placed his hand on the closed door to Susannah's office and then headed back to the nurses station. Once again, he placed his hands on the desk and again, headed back down the hall.

"Is all this activity good for him?" Viki asked, concerned for Todd's health. "He was a little short of breath earlier when he was running back and forth in his room, but he seems to tolerate this. I've been wanting them all to be more active, this was not exactly what I had in mind," Susannah acknowledged.

"Food's here!" Nancy called out from behind the nurses station as she headed to the door to allow the cafeteria worker in. As Nancy stepped aside to allow the food cart to be wheeled in she noticed the cafeteria worker staring at Adam with wide eyes. He too could not believe what he was seeing.

"Can you please place all the dishes out on his table in the day room. I want to try to get him there to see what, if anything, he will eat," Susannah told Angelo. When Adam toe-walked back to the nurses station Susannah instructed "Come here!" Adam did not comply. He turned around and headed back down the hall toward Susannah's office, still on his toes.

As he did before, he got to the office door, placed his hands on it, turned around and headed back. Susannah could see this was turning out to be a ritualistic behavior. As Adam approached the nurses station the phone rang. Adam starting cupping his ears and began screaming. He started banging his head into the wall. Nancy quickly answered the phone. Susannah knew that the latest research showed that physically stopping a child with autism from head banging could actually increase the behavior in some children. She knew it was best to change the child's environment so that while allowing him to continue the behavior, he would be protected from injury.

Susannah quickly grabbed a pillow off the linen cart that was in the hallway and placed it between the wall and Adam's head. She held it there. Todd's family said nothing. None of them wanted to see him physically or mechanically restrained. They understood that would be the only alternative to what Susannah was doing.

After a while Adam started to calm. He slid down to the floor. He began to suck his thumb and rock. It was clear this child was soothing himself. Susannah knew that sometimes this behavior also signified boredom. Knowing it was much colder in the hallway than in Todd's room; Susannah took a blanket from the same linen cart and wrapped it around Adam. He started to cry. He squirmed out from under it, stopped crying and resumed his thumb sucking and rocking.

Susannah walked over to Todd's family. "He may not like the texture of the blanket or the warmth it provides." "Is he going to react that way every time he hears a phone ringing?" Kevin asked. "It is very possible. Often, ordinary sounds are very disturbing to children with autism," Susannah replied. "Nancy, please turn the ringers down to low on all the phones on the floor," Susannah ordered.

"So what now? You can't just let him sit out here in the hallway for the rest of the night," Sam snapped. "Doctor Hanen, what if I got the yellow ball he likes. Do you think he would follow me into the day room?" Téa suggested. "You can try," Susannah answered, shrugging her shoulders. She knew that if Adam was taken to the room by force he would most likely tantrum again.

Téa came back out with the ball. Susannah handed her a few yellow M&M's. Tea sat down on the floor in front of Adam. "Adam, haaa! Loooook what I have," Téa announced with a big smile on her face. "Adam, look! Ball!" Téa tried again. She held the ball up close to her face. For just a split second Adam looked Téa in the eye. They all realized what a really big deal that was.

Téa put the ball down next to him and started to applaud. "Oh! I love the way you looked at me, Adam!" Téa's smile covered her face. Her voice was animated with joy. "Give him three of them," Susannah called out. His use of eye contact called for a greater reward. Téa held out the three candies to him. As he had before he sniffed them and quickly grabbed them and put them in his mouth, one by one. "Way to go, Adam!" Kevin praised, applauding with the rest of them. Adam's eye contact even got a small smile out of Sam, who clapped along with the rest of them.

Susannah tried something. She tickled the back of his neck. "Ehhhh," he responded, but the tone was not in protest. He seemed to enjoy being tickled. "Ehhhh, I love your voice, Adam!" Susannah praised and tickled him again. Adam scrunched his neck back, seeming to really enjoy being tickled. "Let's add tickling to the list of possible reinforcers," Susannah stated to all of them. Susannah turned to Téa. Try holding the ball up to your face again. Téa did, but this time Adam didn't respond. Susannah could see they were all disappointed. "Children with autism often learn very unevenly. He may not demonstrate that behavior again right away. That's okay. It is very encouraging that he did it, even once." Susannah turned to Téa again. "Will you please stand up with the ball and walk backward toward the day room. Let Adam see that you have it in your hands."

Téa did as Susannah asked. As Susannah had hoped, Adam stood up too and followed Téa. Susannah knew he wanted the ball. When they got to the day room Susannah pulled out some of the last remaining yellow M&M's. She handed a couple to Téa. Susannah turned to Angelo. "Will you please call the gift shop and ask them to send up as many bags of plain M&M's as they have on hand." She planned on pulling out all the yellow ones and putting them aside for Adam's reinforcers.

Adam was jumping up and down and crying right in front of Tea. He clearly wanted the ball but had no other way to ask for it. "Téa, please hold the ball in his line of vision and ask, 'what do you want?' don't repeat it. If he points to the ball, either on his own or with me prompting him, you give him verbal praise and a candy the second he complies." Susannah understood that, in all likelihood, Adam would not be ready for expressive language or fine motor skills like pointing to a desired object when asked "what do you want," still, she needed to try this anyway. Working with an alter with autism took considerably more observation for baseline skills than working with a typical child with autism. There was no history on this child. No one had any idea of what he could and could not do. Even if he could not point, under these circumstances, he might be able to if the object were something he wanted more than the ball. It would take several instances of trying the same skills under different circumstances before she could make a fair assessment.

Téa held the ball up to where she thought Adam could see it. "What do you want?" Téa asked. Adam gave no response other than to continue to cry and jump. Susannah lifted Adam's hand. He tried to pull it away. She formed his index finger in a pointing position and pointed it to the ball Téa held. "Ba", Susannah modeled. Susannah let go of his hand. "Beautiful pointing, Adam!" Téa praised, enthusiastically. She held out a yellow M&M. Adam stopped jumping and his crying lowered slightly. He sniffed, grabbed and ate the candy. He seemed to pause for a second look, peripherally, in the direction of the ball and began to cry and jump again. Viki looked in Sam's direction. She could see he was ready to explode. His entire body was tight as a drum, his hands were clenched into fists. He could not tolerate seeing Adam treated this way. Viki placed her hand on Sam's arm. "Please, lets just give it a chance," she whispered. Sam glanced in her direction long enough for her to see the pain in his eyes. His body relaxed a little. "Téa, we're going to try that again. This time, instead of the candy, I want you to use praise and hand Adam the ball immediately after he complies, even if it still requires a full physical prompt," Susannah instructed. She wanted to see if the ball was a good reinforcer in itself.

"What do you want?" Téa repeated. Adam still gave no response. "Ba!" Susannah modeled again, using the full physical prompt. "That is such great pointing!" Téa praised. She handed Adam the ball. Adam stopped crying and jumping. He sniffed and licked the ball and plopped down on the floor of the day room and started to spin it again.

Susannah allowed this behavior for a few seconds and then took the ball and handed it back to Téa. Adam jumped up and immediately started to cry and jump up and down again. Téa looked to Susannah. Susannah motioned for Téa to try again. "What do you want?" Tea repeated. Adam still needed a full physical prompt. "Awesome pointing, Adam!" Téa handed him the ball and without being instructed to, tickled the back of his neck. "Ehhh," Adam cooed and scrunched his neck back. This time Adam smiled as he made this sound. A huge smile, from ear to ear, covered Téa's face. She could not believe she got him to smile. "I love Adam's smile and voice," Téa praised, her own voice filled with joy and love. "His first smile!" Téa thought.

Susannah was happy that Téa was grasping the idea of ABA so quickly. Adam didn't bounce or spin the ball he sniffed it and licked it. He held it up in front of his face and began to turn it around and around with both his hands on it. Adam stood, just staring, peripherally, at the ball he spun in front of his eyes. Tea headed over to Sam, Viki and Kevin. Susannah allowed him to stim with the ball for a few minutes while she wrote some notes. Viki let out a sigh of relief. "That didn't seem so bad," she exclaimed. "No, it didn't, mom, not at all," Kevin agreed. "He smiled!" Téa said, happily. "Yes, he did! Honey, you were great with him. I'm so happy you and Kevin are going to be working with Adam," Viki declared. Sam looked at Viki coldly. "Does this mean you have decided to agree to this!" "No, I'm not sure yet. Sam, it really doesn't seem so bad. I know he was getting upset during some of it, but he also seemed to like some of it," Viki reasoned. "Yeah, the parts in between the torture," Sam sniped and walked over to the window and stared out of it. Viki shook her head and motioned for them to just let Sam be for now.

Susannah put her pen in her pocket and stood up. "Let's see if we can get him to have some dinner," she suggested, "Angelo, will you please uncover the food." Susannah walked over to Adam. "Eating time." Adam continued to spin the ball and stare at it.

"You did great," Susannah praised Téa. "Can you all go sit at the table and start eating some of the food I ordered. Most likely your enjoying the food or sitting together will mean nothing to him. I just need to see if that is the case. I am hoping he will realize that you are eating or at the very least that there is food on the table and take some of it without being prompted."

Sam didn't budge. He seemed lost in thought. Viki approached him. "Sam, will you sit down and eat with us? Please honey, just try it for Adam's sake." Sam turned around. He looked at Viki. He hated knowing he was causing her pain. He hated that they were all causing Adam pain. He hated the whole world for allowing a man like Peter to exist in it. He placed his hand on Viki's arm and nodded. They all took a place around the table. At first Adam paid no attention and just kept staring at the ball. Susannah noticed that they were all staring at Adam instead of eating. "Come on everyone. Just enjoy your food as you normally would. It's all right to talk to each other." What Susannah really meant was ignore this behavior, but she thought it better to phrase it the way she did.

Everyone, except Sam, dug into the chicken, potatoes and vegetables that had been put out. Adam's food choices sat untouched. They noticed how Sam picked at the food, just moving it from one side of plate to the other and how he was lost in his own thoughts. They were all so worried about him.

Carl came in with a bag filled with packages of M&M's and a Ziplock bag. Susannah ripped one open and pulled out all the yellow ones. She placed them in the Ziplock bag. Ten minutes had gone by when Adam let the ball drop from his hands. He ran over to where they sat. Adam grabbed a handful of corn from Susannah's plate. He held it in his hand for a second and let it drop to the floor without sniffing it or tasting it. He may have found the texture unpleasant. "Good touching food, Adam!" Susannah praised. She held out an M&M to him. As he had done before, he sniffed it and placed it in his mouth. "It's okay to reward him with candy during mealtime?" Viki asked. "Yes, tiny amounts. The food is just another trial, like matching colors or touching his nose will be. I haven't explained any of that to you yet, but basically learning to eat new things is treated as teaching any other skill would be," Susannah explained. Adam was standing still at the table. "Yaaayy! I like the way you stand nicely at the table." Susannah praised and tickled the back of his neck. Adam scrunched his neck back, "Ehhh!" He didn't smile, but they could tell he liked it. "Ehhh, that's great talking, Adam!" Susannah praised and handed him another candy. Adam rubbed his hand along his thigh again. Susannah was becoming sure this was his way of saying he was hungry.

Susannah held a chicken finger near his mouth and nose. He sniffed it and started to jump up and down and cry. "Good smelling the food, Adam." Susannah praised and held out an M&M. He sniffed it, grabbed it and shoved it in his mouth. "Okay, apparently he is not a fan of chicken fingers," Téa observed. Susannah tried a French fry. "Do this!" Susannah instructed, eating a fry herself. This time he did not sniff it. He started to look up at the ceiling. He continued to jump up and down and cry. Susannah knew that he didn't yet know how to attend or imitate, so she was not surprised that "do this" didn't yet work with him, but she needed to try it again, in this circumstance.

Adam walked over to Kevin, who was drinking from one of the juice boxes that had been put out. Adam tried to grab it." Kevin stopped drinking. He held the juice box in Adam's line of vision. "What do you want?" Kevin copied what Susannah had instructed Téa to say earlier. Kevin held the juice box with one hand, with the other he took Adam's hand. Adam tried to pull his hand back. Kevin formed Adam's index finger into a pointing position, as he had seen Susannah do, and pointed it at the juice. "Ju," Kevin modeled. "For Christ's sake! He's thirsty! Give him the damn juice!" Sam stood up and said loudly. Viki put her hand on Sam's arm. He pulled it away from her. "Sam, please!" she whispered. Sam could still see the misery in Viki's eyes. He took a deep breath and sat down.

Kevin followed through with the reinforcer, although, because of Sam's outburst the optimal time for offering the reinforcer had passed. "Great job pointing, Adam!" Kevin praised, his voice highly animated. He placed the straw in Adam's mouth. Adam had no idea how to suck on it. Kevin gently squeezed the box to make some of the apple juice come up through the straw. Adam swallowed what juice had gone into his mouth but still had no idea how the straw worked. Susannah had poured some juice into a standard cup and some into a sippy cup. She held the standard cup to Adam. He put his fingers in it. "Good touching juice," Susannah praised and tickled his neck. "At least he is allowing us to expose him to the food and drink," Susannah wanted them to understand the reason for the reinforcement. "He's not ready to understand what Kevin did by pointing or squeezing the juice box. He's also not ready for oral motor therapy yet," Susannah explained. She had hoped he would know who to use a juice box and straw or a cup, but was prepared for his not knowing. Adam still seemed to be watching Kevin hold the juice, even though Adam was still jumping up and down crying slightly." Susannah handed the sippy cup to Kevin. "Say 'do this' and then drink from it and hold it out to him. If he doesn't take it, place his hand around the sippy cup and bring it to his mouth," she instructed Kevin. Kevin could not tell if Adam was watching him or not.

Viki could tell Sam was becoming more upset by the minute. He hated that Adam wanted a drink and instead of making sure he got it, they were making him perform for it. "Do this!" Kevin instructed. Kevin drank from the cup. He held the cup out to Adam. Adam didn't comply. Kevin took Adam's hand and put his fingers around the cup. Adam stopped jumping, but continued crying. Kevin brought Adam's hand, with the cup in it, to his mouth. He tilted it slightly. The straw had been too precise for Adam. This time he was able to sip in some juice. Once he realized how to get juice out to the cup, Adam held on to the sippy cup with both his hands and drank thirstily. "Excellent! Great drinking juice!" Kevin praised. He was so proud of him. "No candy, the juice is a reinforcer on it's own," Susannah told Kevin. She saw Kevin was not sure if he should hand out a candy while Adam was drinking juice. She wanted to make sure Kevin knew not to do that in this circumstance.

Hoping his luck still held out, Kevin picked up the plate with the peanut butter and jelly sandwich on it. He held it out. Adam didn't respond. Kevin placed it down in front of him and picked up a plastic knife. "See Adam, when I was a little kid I liked to eat them like this, remember mom?" Kevin cut away the crust and cut the each half of the sandwich in half again as he spoke. Viki did remember. Kevin wanted any sandwich cut that way until he was about eleven years old.

Kevin held out the plate to Adam. Adam sniffed it. "Fantastic smelling the food, Adam!" Kevin praised. Adam took one of the quarters. He didn't eat it though. He just held it. Adam walked to where the plate with the macaroni and cheese sat and grabbed a handful of it. He sniffed it and then shoved some of it in his mouth. "Adam! I love the way you ate that!" Téa exclaimed, jubilantly. Tea was so happy that this child ate she did not even make a connection as to how repulsed she would have been if Todd had done that. Adam took another handful and ate some of it and let the rest of what was in his hand drop to the floor. He took one more handful and did the same. "Great trying food, Adam!" Susannah praised, tickling behind his neck. Adam once again scrunched his neck back, enjoying the tickle. Adam seemed oblivious to their words. He plopped down on the floor, getting some of the sticky pasta on his pants as he sat. He was also oblivious to the mess he made.

This was far from upsetting to any of them. Adam was apparently not frightened or disturbed in the least by the mess he made. This told them with even more certainty that he had not been abused. At least not for spilling anything or making a mess

Adam held up the small sandwich quarter and stared at it. He started to turn it over and over in his hands. He seemed to be fascinated with it. He began making a clucking sound again

They all exchanged looks. "I think we can let him be for now. I'd like him to start getting sleepy. It's nearly his bedtime. I'm discontinuing his sleep meds for the night. I want to see how he does without them," Susannah informed them. "Do you think it would be all right if I touched him. He seemed to tolerated being tickled," Viki asked. She looked longingly at Adam. She wanted to hug this child so badly. "Why don't you try," Susannah suggested.

Viki approached him and knelt next to him. "Adam," she whispered lovingly and stroked his head. He didn't respond, but he didn't flinch or pull away. "Good! He's not as sensitive to touch as I had feared," Susannah was relieved. Viki cautiously put her arms around Adam. He squirmed a little, but tolerated it. Adam continued to stare, peripherally, at the small piece of sandwich, he continued to turn over and over in his hand. He also continued his clucking sound.

Viki held him for just another second and kissed the top of his head. She could have held him forever, but let go. She stroked his silky hair one more time and stood up and joined the others.

Since no one had really been hungry to start with, they all helped Angelo and Don clean away the food. The floor would be cleaned after Adam stood up. Adam sat near the table, where he had landed. He paid no attention to the people walking around him.

"Would you like to try hugging him?" Susannah asked Sam. Sam shook his head and went to stare out the window again. Kevin started to go to him. Susannah and Viki held their hands up. They knew this would not be a good time.

After about twenty minutes Adam stood up. He ran around the room for a few minutes, only stopping to sniff and lick a few objects. He discovered the light switch by the door and spent fifteen minutes turning the lights on and off. It soon became apparent that Adam was not toilet trained. The necessary precautions would have to be taken in the future. "Should we try to give him a bath?" Angelo asked. "Yes, let's get him back to his room and then you can fill the tub. Connie, Carl, Marcia and I will get him ready. Susannah asked Todd's family to wait outside. "Susannah, please don't force him if he doesn't want to." Viki knew Susannah wouldn't but she felt compelled to say it. "I won't. If he becomes frightened of the water we will give him a bed bath," Susannah gently responded.

Carl placed his hands on Adam's shoulder. "Bath time," he informed Adam. He gently led him away from the light switch and back to his room. Adam cried all the way, however, he did not tantrum. Susannah did not reinforce him every few steps. When he was back in his room she handed him one more M&M and praised, "Excellent walking to your room, Adam." Susannah turned to her staff. "I think the best way is to get him into the bathroom and get him undressed in there. If we try to do it out here we will have to make too many demands on him. This way will be simpler. If he is resistant to the tub and or bathroom we will have to get him back to the bed. One way or the other he needs to be cleaned up," Susannah instructed Marcia, Connie and Carl, and Nancy, who had come in to assist.

"Bath time!" Susannah repeated, as she and Connie approached Adam, who had made his way over to the window again. He had not yet started to play with the shade. Very gently, Susannah and Connie turned him around. He didn't resist. They guided him to toward the bathroom by his shoulders. He went in willingly and immediately headed for the tub of water. He put his entire arm in, up to the shoulder, getting the sleeve of his sweatshirt soaked. He kept trying to pick the water up and seemed surprised that it slipped through his fingers. He started to splash his hand in it and then attempted to get into the tub with his clothes still on.

"Whoa! Hey there buddy. We have to take your clothes off first. Then you can play in the water." Don spoke gently, but firmly. "Aaahhhh!" Adam protested loudly and started to jump up and down when they held him back. "Aaahhhh, super talking, Adam!" Angelo praised and tickled his neck. "I think we found another reinforcer. He seems to like water," Susannah spoke loudly, to be heard over Adam's protests. "Make sure to leave the toilet lid closed at all times," Susannah then cautioned. She had seen children with autism who liked water play to the point that if bathtubs or sinks were not filled for them, they would attempt to play in the toilet.

It took six of them, but despite his crying and trying to pull away they got Adam undressed and quickly did a preliminary cleaning, with disposable wipes, before putting him in the tub. Connie had added a little more warm water as soon as she saw he was almost ready.

Adam stopped crying the second he was allowed in the tub. He immediately sat down and once again tried to pick up the water. They gave him some bath toys. He ignored them. His fascination was the water itself.

Bathing him went smoothly. He didn't seem to even be aware of them washing him. All his concentration was given to the water. Cautiously, they flossed and brushed his teeth. They had expected him to try to bite them or at the very least to resist, but his fascination with the water was all encompassing. He didn't even seem to realize they were doing it. They all dreaded having to remove him from the tub. Just as they had feared he began to scream and cry as soon as they stood him up and attempted to take him out of the bathtub.

"Honey, maybe we should go for some coffee," Viki suggested to Sam as he began pacing the second he heard Adam's screams. "I don't want any coffee!" Sam's tone was a mixture of anger and annoyance. He knew Viki was trying to get him to leave the area. He not only wanted to stay, he wanted to rush in there and pull them away from Adam. He wanted to do whatever it took to keep this child happy. Sam knew that if it were up to him he would allow Adam to do whatever he pleased. He did not want to allow Susannah to put him through the ABA program.

The bathroom was a slippery mess. Adam's crying increased as they dried him off and even more so when they slipped one of the towels around him. They managed to get him to the bed and sat him down on it. His crying and screaming became louder. He started to bite his own hands and wrists. He attempted to bite Marcia when she took his hand down from his mouth, but she had been quick and careful and managed to avoid the assault. Susannah hoped to avoid sedating him. Normally they would ignore this kind of tantrum, but they had to get him into absorbent briefs and pajamas.

Viki, Kevin and Téa looked anxiously at each other. They were all getting more and more concerned about Sam, who continued to pace. They were all having a hard time listening to Adam's high pitched, piercing, screams. It seemed like a hundred years ago since that day had begun with Peep being out and then Storm and finally Todd, remembering abuse so traumatizing that Adam had come out.

"THIS IS RIDICULOUS!," Sam shouted. He headed for Adam. "Sam wait, Susannah said to wait out here," Kevin declared. "I don't care what Susannah said!" Sam exclaimed angrily and continued to Todd's room. Viki followed Sam. Téa and Kevin stayed in the lounge. Kevin because he felt it was best to follow Susannah's orders and Téa because she did not want to invade Todd's privacy by seeing him undressed. Todd had gone to great lengths, in their marriage, to keep himself covered whenever he came from the shower. Téa hardly remembered even seeing him in a robe or pajamas. At times he would even sleep dressed. Of course more often than not he would leave the house in the middle of the night to walk in the park or down by the docks. Then, after Georgie had been killed, he had taken to staying at that paper many nights. Téa sometimes wondered if she had gotten help for him then if things may not have gotten that far.

"What the hell are you doing to him!" Sam was close to shouting. "Sam you need to wait outside," Susannah ordered. They had managed to get Adam into the briefs but were struggling to get his pajamas on. Susannah was just about to tell them to put him in a hospital gown instead.

Ignoring Susannah, Sam went over to the toy box and grabbed Mr. Rabbit. He approached the bed held it out to Adam. Adam continued to scream and cry. He nearly bit Sam's hand as he brought the stuffed toy close to Adam's face. Adam started to hit himself in the face. Carl quickly held his hands down. The one thing they all noticed, this time even more than last, was that this child had so little strength. He had less than any of the others, except for the Baby. He was very easy to restrain.

They all assumed that his tantrum had to do with being taken out of the bath. It had started because of that. What they didn't realize was that although the pajama material was a soft flannel, Adam wanted the very soft and fluffy comfort of the sweatsuit he had been wearing. The pajamas, and the robe and towels before them, caused him great discomfort, only he had no way of getting that message to anyone. His only means of communication was screaming and crying.

Sam was getting more upset by the minute. Not because Adam had tried to bite him, but because he didn't know what to do for this child. He didn't know how to help him. Viki too was becoming upset. She was afraid that Todd's physical health was going to be compromised. She knew Susannah would not allow that to happen, but she was still afraid.

As they sat in the lounge, Kevin noticed the sad expression on Téa's face and the tears in her eyes. "He'll be all right. He is just freaking out over everything now. You were great with him today. You actually got him to make eye contact with you and smile for a second. Remember, Susannah said that eye contact was one of the really hard things for some kids with autism to do." Kevin tried to sound encouraging. He could see his words did little to make Téa feel better. "What is it? Is it his screaming?" Kevin pressed.

Téa stood for a minute. She looked towards Todd's room. She listened to the sound of Adam's screams and cries. Téa sat down again. She put her face in her hands for a second and then threw her head back, brushing her hands through her long hair as she did.

"I wonder if it would have made any difference if I tried to get Todd into therapy right after Georgie died? I knew something really awful was happening to him. I saw it every time I looked at him." "Téa," Kevin began, "you know as well as I do that no one could have gotten Todd into therapy. Todd hated therapy. He hated it in prison and he never would have gone voluntarily. What would you have done, have him committed?" "No, of course not. Todd wasn't that far-gone then . . . maybe he was. I don't know." Téa's voice trailed off for a second. "I did know something was very wrong. He was acting so strangely, even for Todd," she added.

Kevin was not going to let her blame herself for something that wasn't her fault. "We all noticed that, mom, Sam and I, all of us. None of us tried to force Todd to get help. Téa, Todd has always been terrified of being mentally ill. He has been terrified of his secrets coming out. He covered up what was happening to him all his life. He buried the things that were done to him so deep that even now he can't face them. Everyone has told Todd to get help from the day he came to this town. The part of him that knew what he would have to go through in therapy kept him from it and I can't say that I blame him. No one wants to go through that kind of pain. I sure as hell wouldn't. Wouldn't! I couldn't! Todd is strong. Even now, in his own way, he is stronger than any of us."

Téa looked at Kevin. She wanted to believe that Todd was strong. She needed to believe that, desperately. No matter what had happened Téa never allowed herself to give up her dream of a life with Todd and she never would. She was not naive or stupid. She knew that it might never be the kind of life most people dream of. Todd might need to be in therapy for a good part of his life. He may always have problems and needs that most men don't. Téa didn't care. Whatever his needs were she would provide them. She had seen the other side of Todd, the side that wasn't needy. She had seen the nurturing side of him. Not only had she seen that side displayed to Starr, but to her as well. She remembered how lovingly Todd had cared for her after she had fallen through the window. She remembered him rushing to her after she had been the one to have a nightmare.

Téa also remembered one night when Todd came into her room. It was shortly after they had one of the best moments of their marriage. It was one of the only relaxed carefree moments they had ever shared. They had accidentally discovered that Todd's bird was named Moose. Later that night Todd had peeked into Téa's bedroom to see if she was sleeping. Todd had started to leave when Téa began to talk to him. She had pointed out that he still had strong feelings for Blair, which he of course denied. Téa explained that she didn't mind him having feelings for Blair, that in fact she found them reassuring because it showed that he was capable of human emotions after all.

Téa remembered how she realized that Todd did not even think of himself as a human being. She finally got him to begrudgingly admit to being human, but even then he knew that happiness was probably beyond his grasp. Téa had admitted to him that she liked him. She could see he didn't believe her. Then, when he realized she was serious he tried to warn her. She could still hear his words. "Look, I'm not kidding around, Okay? Liking me is stupid. It's . . . it's like playing golf in a lightening storm." In her best courtroom voice and logical attorney manner she listed her reasons, reminding Todd that he had the "ultimate irreverent sense of humor, and was a wizard with kids and animals, and as smart as hell."

Todd had opened up to her that night. He reminded her about her own mother leaving her. He had been able to see the pain she still felt over that. Then he had spoken about his childhood and the six days he got to spend with his mother. Téa remembered the look in his eyes as he spoke of those days with his mom. She saw a spark of happiness then the longing and then the pain. He spoke about his father "disciplining" him. He told her how he would use Peter as a role model of how never to treat Starr. She remembered his words there too. "She's never going to feel like she's a joke or a mistake or like she's dirt. Cause I'm gonna tell her how special she is. That little girl is always gonna know how much her father loves her." Téa had felt such closeness to Todd that night. She had begun to see how alike they were in many ways. She remembered her words to him too. "I feel this . . . this push in me . . . to take all the pain I had as a kid and turn it into something really sweet for Starr, something safe." She then went on to tell him, "you're not going to become your father, the tyrant, and I'm not gonna become my mother, who'd abandon her little girl when the going got rough. We're on the same path together Todd."

"Todd," Téa thought, "you've lost your way. I'll help you. No matter what I have to do or how long it takes, I'll help you find your way back on that path. We'll take it together. I promise, mi corazon].

"Téa?" Kevin interrupted Téa's thoughts" "I'm sorry, I was just thinking back to one night when Todd did open up to me . . ." Before Téa had a chance to continue Adam let out an even louder and more piercing scream.

They had him sitting at the edge of the bed. They had managed to put a hospital gown on him and that material made his skin feel as if it were on fire. He could not tell them. His tantruming had gone on for almost fifteen minutes. His face was red, blotchy and swollen from crying. Sam couldn't stand it any more. "DO SOMETHING! HELP HIM!" He shouted. "Please Susannah! He seems to be suffering," Viki pleaded. Tears streamed down her cheeks. Susannah was beginning to realize this was more than his wanting to stay in the tub. She knew something was bothering him. She just didn't know what. "Get him into the bed," Susannah ordered loudly, to be heard over Adam's screams.

Susannah wanted to hold off sedating him as long as possible. As they held him on the bed she felt his stomach. "It's not bloated," she stated. She checked his ears and his throat. They were fine. "Let him go," Susannah ordered. She was hoping Adam would somehow let them know what was bothering him. They cautiously released his limbs and head, expecting him to jump off the bed, but he didn't. He kicked and screamed for another couple of minutes and then he curled up on his side and started to suck his thumb. He started rocking himself. His cries had turned to pitiful whimpers. Susannah noticed that he kept pulling at the hospital gown.

"Let's get this off of him," Susannah directed this order to Angelo and Carl. She then told Connie to get one of his sweat suits. She realized that was the only clothing he had not reacted badly to. As soon as they took the gown off of him he stopped whimpering. His exhausted body was nearly limp in their arms. He did not resist their touch. They quickly pulled the sweat pants on him. As Angelo held him up, Carl pulled the collar of the sweatshirt over his head and pulled his arms through the sleeves. Adam offered no resistance.

As soon as they laid him back down he contentedly turned over on his stomach and placed his right thumb in his mouth. When they pulled the sheet and blanket up over him he pushed it away and started to whimper again. "Okay, we'll take it away," Susannah soothed, pulling the blanket off of him. In no time at all Adam rocked himself to sleep. It seemed he could tolerate the material the sheet and pillowcase were made of when he lay on top of it, but not when it covered him.

Susannah sat down wearily. She turned to Carl. "Turn the thermostat up another few notches. I don't want him to get chilled. It's going to be pretty hot in here very soon," Susannah announced to no one in particular. "You put that baby through hell because you couldn't figure out that he was uncomfortable in that gown!" Sam's voice was accusatory. "Sam, who would have thought of that. As soon as Susannah realized she was able to help him. None of us realized what the problem was or were able to help him," Viki stated. She knew how upset he was, but he was being unreasonable.

"Why should that surprise you, Viki? I never knew what his problems were or helped him." "Sam, you know I didn't mean it like that. Come on, while Adam is sleeping let's go get some coffee and . . . " "You go get some coffee. You have Kevin and Téa here. You don't need me." Sam headed out the door. "Sam wait! Where are you going?" Viki asked, frantically. "For a walk! Is it all right if I take a walk or do I need you to sign a release giving me permission?" Sam said over his shoulder as he headed out the door.

"Sam, what's going on in there? Where are you going?" Téa ran after him as he headed for the doors that led off of the unit. "Out, just out." "What happened in there? Is Adam all right?" Téa asked. "He's never going to be all right," Sam answered bitterly. "Why what happened?" Kevin asked, walking up to Sam and Téa. "Ask your mother. While you're at it ask her if she intends to allow them to continue to torture that little boy. Will someone press the Goddamn buzzer!" Sam called out loudly. "Sam, do you want me to come with you?" Téa offered. "No! Viki needs you. I just need to be by myself and away from here!" Marcia came up to the door with the keys. She didn't want to use the buzzer if Sam was not going to leave immediately. The doors were never to be held open. Téa and Kevin didn't know what else to say to him. They stepped back as Marcia opened the door and Sam left, without saying another word to them.

"I'm so worried about Sam, Susannah. I've never seen him like this. You know he didn't mean what he said." Viki put her hand on Susannah's arm as she said that. "It's all right. Sam is reacting to the guilt and helplessness he's feeling. He really needs to talk to someone. It would not be a good idea for him to have sessions with me at this point, but he really needs to talk to someone. I think what happened with Angel and then seeing Todd remember some of the sexual abuse pushed Sam over the edge. Viki I want you to understand I'm not trying to force you into giving me permission to begin Adam in an ABA program. You don't have to rush your decision."

Viki stood up and walked over to the bed. She looked at this precious child, sleeping soundly and peacefully. Only a short time ago he was suffering because he couldn't tell anyone what was hurting him. Viki stroked his head. She walked back to Susannah. "Will this program really help him to be able to talk to us?" "Viki, he may never be able to talk to us," Susannah answered honestly, but there is an excellent chance he can learn to communicate. Some children who never develop spoken language learn to use sign language or PECS, Picture Exchange Communication System. That is a system where the child learns to use cards that have pictures of various things and activities they want to do on them. Some children learn to take someone's hand and take them over to the desired object. Many, at the very least, learn to point and find a way to say no."

"When would you want to start the program, officially?" Viki asked. "As soon as possible. I would need you all to come for a few training sessions the first one by yourselves and then together with Adam." Susannah took Viki's hand. "Viki, perhaps you should wait until Sam has calmed down and then discuss this with him before you make any decisions. I think part of Sam's frustration is not having any legal say in Todd's life." Viki thought for a few minutes.

"What happens if we don't do ABA with him?" Viki inquired. "There are programs that are not as demanding of the child. I can get you all the information you need about all of them. I can help get someone from any of them to come here and work with Adam. You really don't have to decide anything right now."

Viki looked over toward the bed again. "You strongly believe that ABA has the best success rate don't you?" "Yes, I do, but that does not mean that an other programs won't work with Adam." Viki took a deep breath. She wanted to talk this over with Sam, but she was afraid he would not be able to come to a rational decision. She already knew that Téa approved of this program. Viki loved Sam very much, however she had to do what she thought was best for Adam, Todd and all of them. No matter what the consequences to the rest of her life, they came first.

"Susannah, I want you to start the ABA program with Adam as soon as you can. I will take whatever instruction is necessary and you know that Téa and Kevin will. I pray that Sam comes around, but I have to think about what is best for that baby." Viki pointed to the sleeping Adam and continued. "I think Sam will be very upset by my decision for now, nevertheless, I hope he will come around when he sees some improvement in Adam's ability to communicate. I know he was happy and proud that Adam was able to make eye contact with Téa, and learned to drink from the sippy cup right away and he loved seeing that little boy smile That is an excellent sign, isn't it?" Viki desperately wanted some reassurance.

Susannah wished she could tell her that it was a fantastic sign but she couldn't. "Viki, I hope it is the beginning of progress, but children with autism can sometimes demonstrate a skill like eye contact or speech or a gross or fine motor movement and then never do it again. Let's hope that's not the case here. I don't want you to set yourself up for disappointment if it is. Adam seems to catch on reasonably well and thank God he is not as hypersensitive to human touch as I had originally thought. Although, I do believe he is hypersensitive to touch, in general. We may have to allow him to sleep in his sweats until we can find pajamas that don't bother him."

"That won't be a problem. I will have a dozen new sweatsuits sent over tomorrow. He can stay in them twenty-four hours a day if he likes. Susannah, how long do you think it will be before he can be toilet trained?" "I'm afraid that may take some time. Toilet training children with autism can be very slow. He may not be aware of the signals his body is giving him when he needs to urinate or defecate. He also may not feel any discomfort when he has soiled himself. Don't worry about it for now. We will check him often and keep him as clean as possible. The good news is he loves baths. I thought that was going to be a huge problem." Viki smiled. "He enjoyed his bath? "Oh my, yes. He seems to love the water. He was stimming with it, but for now that's all right. At least it gets him in the tub. At first that's what his tantrum was about. He didn't want to get out of the tub," Susannah filled Viki in.

"I would like to stay with him tonight," Viki stated. "Viki, tonight might be a good time for you to go home and get some real sleep. If Sam comes back to the hospital tonight maybe we can get him to join you. You two really need to talk," Susannah suggested. "I don't think I'm very good at giving Sam what he needs. He has put up with a lot since he and I have . . ." Viki's voice trailed off. Viki shook her head. "I was going to say since we've been living together, but I don't think I can really call it that. We are never at the house and when we are we may as well be in a public place. Sam has not had much of a life these past few months. I know he understands, but still . . . " Viki's voice trailed off again.

"Still what? Can you complete your thought?" Susannah asked gently. "Still, Sam has had to put his life on hold ever since he began sharing it with Todd and with me." "Has Sam complained about that?" Susannah pressed. "No, of course not. You know Sam." "Do you feel he is not being honest with you? Do you feel that he is holding back his feelings to spare you?" Susannah asked. "No . . . well maybe sometimes . . . I don't know, Susannah. I know Sam would not do anything that he thought would hurt me." "So you are saying that if Sam thought telling you how he really feels would hurt you he would keep it to himself," Susannah restated.

Viki thought about it for a second. "Yes, I do think that, given the circumstances, Sam would not want to burden me with his feelings." "Viki, I know that a lot has happened since our last session. Todd's developing epilepsy, all those tests, the changes in medication, Brina and Angel, the psychotic episodes, Peep, Storm, his disclosure, Todd's memories coming to the surface today, now Adam. I know you have not really had much of a chance to think about yourself, but have you given any more thought to your relationship with your father or with Sloan or Dorian?"

Viki thought back to her meeting with Dorian, right before Thomas had the first seizure. Some of Dorian's words came back to haunt her. Viki was exhausted and did not want to get into it right now. "No, I haven't really given much thought to anything besides Todd lately." Viki changed the subject. "I did have a surprise today. I spoke with Clint. He called while I was at the paper."

Susannah seemed a little surprised. "How is he and how is Jessica?" She asked. "They are both very well. It seems Jessie has a new boyfriend and he is someone Clint approves of. He says she is doing great in school and that she's very happy in Arizona. Clint seems content to be there, although it . . ." Viki stopped herself mid-sentence. "What, Viki? What were you going to say?" Susannah prodded. "Nothing, just that it was kind of nice talking to Clint again. He even seemed concerned about Todd. Unlike his father's, Clint's heart is big enough to put his feelings about the things that Todd has done aside and realize how ill Todd is. He offered to help in any way he could. I could tell he meant it. I know if I needed him he would drop everything and come back to Llanview."

"Just like old times," Susannah commented. "No!" Viki answered sharply. "No, not at all. I just think it was nice of Clint to offer. Especially given the circumstances." "Do you mean your relationship with Sam or your relationship with Sloan?" Susannah pushed. "I hurt him, Susannah. I turned on him and left him and I still don't know why and yes, that and a lot of other things. Clint knows Sam and I are living together, if you want to call it that. Well you know that we don't . . . I mean because of my problems. Susannah I really don't think this is a good time to get into this. I'm exhausted and I'm sure you are too. I think you had enough of having sessions with this family for today."

"Viki, yes I am tired. I just want you to know that I am always here to talk to you if you feel the need. It doesn't have to be in a formal session. I do however think you are about due for another one." Susannah saw Viki shift uncomfortably. "I'm not putting any pressure on you. I understand you and Sam and everyone have been through a lot in the last few days. When you are ready, let me know, or just stop by for an informal chat if you like," Susannah offered.

Viki smiled and squeezed Susannah's hand. Thank you. I will. For now I think I'd better let Téa and Kevin know what is going on. I will be staying with Adam tonight. There is always the chance that Todd may come back." Susannah realized that Viki did not want to go home. If Sam stayed away she probably did not want to face that empty bed, and if he did come home, she did not want to confront him or their problems. Either way, Viki needed to stay with Todd as much to escape her own pain as to help him through his. Susannah did not feel this was the time to discuss this with her.

Susannah patted Viki on the shoulder and stood up. She checked on Adam one more time before she left for her office. Viki stayed behind for a few minutes. She stroked Adam's head and then kissed him. He was sleeping so peacefully. Viki prayed this one had never known abuse in any form.

Viki headed out to the hallway. "Susannah told us Adam was sound asleep," Téa stated. "Yes, he had a really bad time of it until Susannah figured out what the problem was. He was sensitive to the pajamas they tried to put on him and then to the hospital gown they finally did put on him."

Kevin and Téa were shocked. "He was screaming like that because of the material touching his skin!" Téa couldn't believe it. "Yes, luckily he's not as sensitive to our touch as Susannah had originally thought, however, he is hypersensitive to anything that touches his skin. He's only comfortable in his sweat suit. He couldn't even tolerate the sheet or blanket. They turned the heat up, but I'm still worried he'll get chilled. Most of them sleep under at least two or three blankets."

"Viki, there's a seamstress in Angel Square who can whip up some blankets made out of the same fleece material as his sweats. I can contact her and ask her to make it a rush order," Téa volunteered. "Yes, that would be wonderful. Thank you, honey." Viki stroked Téa's cheek. Viki had grown to love Téa. Not only as Todd's wife, but also because of the kind of person Téa was. Téa was someone Viki respected and would have been proud to call a friend, sister or daughter, even if she had no connection at all to Todd. "Téa, you were so good with Adam today. I'm so happy that you want to work with him." "Viki please, how could I not want to, not only for Todd but also for that little boy. He is so isolated in his world. I want him to have a chance in life. I don't want him suffering and not being able to tell anyone what is hurting him."

"I feel exactly the same way. That's why I told Susannah I want her to go ahead with the ABA program as soon as possible," Viki informed them. "Mom, I don't think that's going to set to well with Sam. He was extremely upset and agitated when he left here. What happened in there?" Kevin was concerned over Sam's meltdown. "Sam is having a really hard time with this. He blames himself for everything that happened to Todd from the time that Todd was eleven years old. Hearing Todd remember being molested and seeing what it did to him was just too much for him. Honey, try to be patient with Sam. I'm so worried about him."

Kevin was very concerned for his mother. He could understand Sam raging at his own guilt, but he didn't want him taking it out on Viki. "Well then, how do you think he'll react when he finds out you're allowing Susannah to go ahead with the ABA program?" Téa asked. "Sam's not able to handle seeing this baby suffer in any way. He is totally opposed to allowing this program and he will not be at all happy with me when he finds out. I have to do what is right for Adam. He can't go on like this. If there is a chance he can be helped, I want to give it to him." All that had transpired that day suddenly hit Viki like a ton of bricks. "Will you both excuse me? I want to go lie down for a while. I'll be spending the night with Adam." They could hear the suffering in Viki's voice.

Both Kevin and Téa knew better than to argue with Viki. As much as they wished she would go home for the night, they said nothing. "Do you think it would be all right if I went in to see Adam?" Téa asked. "I don't see why not. Just be careful not to wake him. Actually that probably is not a problem. He seems to be a sound sleeper." Viki kissed both Téa and Kevin on the cheek and headed for the family lounge.

"Are you going home?" Téa asked Kevin, before she headed in to see Adam. "Yeah, in a little while." What Kevin wanted was to spend some time with Téa. He fought the urge. He had made up his mind that he was going to get his feelings under control. He even planned on insisting Cassie meet with him in the near future. They had to discuss their relationship. He hated being in limbo. They would either make an attempt to work things out, which he doubted they could do at this point, or end it.

"I guess I'll be going. I want be fresh for tomorrow," Kevin stated. Susannah had mentioned the training session to them. "Yes, so do I. I'll be leaving in a little while. I'm going to have to arrange for someone to take over my practice completely. I don't want to have to divide my attention for now." "Téa, that may be kind of rash. Adam might not be out that much," Kevin advised. "I know, it isn't just Adam. My mind just isn't on it. I want to be here for Todd and anyone who's out. I also think your mom will need us around more, especially with Sam feeling the way he does."

Téa quietly walked up to Adam's bed. She smiled at Don, who was sitting at Adam's bedside. Susannah had ordered arm's length for Adam. Téa leaned on the side rail staring at this child. Like Viki had, she noticed how very young he appeared. The difference in the alters appearance never ceased to amaze her. She gently caressed the back of the hand that he held to his mouth as he sucked his thumb. She bent down and brushed his hair back. "I love you," Téa whispered, "I love you Adam, and Todd, I know you're in there. I love you too. I love you. I want you to come back to me. I want our family back." She kissed him one more time and left.

Susannah called Bill and asked him if he could possibly whip up one of his famous meals on a moment's notice and bring it to her office. "With one oven mitt tied behind my back, Doctor Hanen," Bill had replied. "I was counting on that. That and one of your equally famous foot massages," Susannah replied. Bill could hear the weariness in Susannah's voice. "It will be my pleasure. I will warm my hands on the dinner and then get to those feet," Bill kidded. "Hmmm, we may have to rush the dinner," Susannah joked back. "Your office in about ninety minutes?" Bill asked. "That's perfect," Susannah replied. She wanted to have time to shower and change. "You got it, and I will bring enough for you to take home some leftovers. I don't trust you to have more than ice cream and chips at your place, oh yeah, and those awful little frozen dinners you keep." Susannah laughed at Bill's accuracy. "Actually, I'm out of those dinners and only have the ice cream and chips left." "See you soon," Bill said, his tone light." They hung up. Susannah headed to the staff lounge for a quick shower.

A crowd was already sitting at the bar at Club Indigo when Sam walked in. RJ was really surprised to see Sam Rappaport sit down on one of the stools. He had not seen Sam in a very long time. Sam did not look well. He had lost weight and his face was etched with pain. "Scotch straight, wait, you know what, make it a double," Sam told the bartender. "Long time no see. How ya doing Sam?" RJ asked, stepping over to him. "I'm fine! Can't you tell!" Sam answered sarcastically.

RJ didn't want to push it. He could tell Sam was not in the mood. "Well, it was nice to see you. If you want to talk I'll be around." RJ started to leave. "Wait!" Sam called out. "Let me ask you something. You ever know a kid who was in trouble. I mean bad trouble?" RJ was surprised by this question. "Yeah, it was usually me," RJ joked.

He quickly saw Sam was not in the mood. RJ became serious. "In my old neighborhood there was this kid who was about six years younger than I was. I don't know why but he just got to me. He was skinny as hell and kind of funny looking and all the other kids picked on him. He thought he could be a big man if he started doing and selling drugs." "What about his parents?" Sam asked, gulping down his drink.

"His mother split. He lived with a stepmother and a father who used to beat the shit out of him every time he got drunk." "So what did you do? Did you help him?" "Yeah, I guess you can say I helped him. I had some guys I know go after the father. Gave him a little taste of his own medicine. Then I talked to this minister I knew. He was always trying to set me straight but I was a lost cause by then. This boy still had a chance. He found a place for this kid, a good home. Kind of like the one I grew up in, only this kid learned to appreciate it." "How did you get him out of his abusive home?" "My boys and I had a long talk with his father. We got him to see it our way," RJ laughed. Then seriously he added, "The old man didn't have much use for the kid anyway. Protecting his ass meant a whole lot more to him than keeping the kid around."

Sam ordered another double. "That kid was lucky. He had someone who was willing to go out on a limb for him. He had someone to protect him and save him. Some kids aren't as lucky. They cry out to the wrong people, to people who are too involved in their own life and problems to hear their cries. Does Hank know you helped this kid?" Sam inquired. "Nah! Don't want to spoil my rep in front of my big brother."

Sam became angry. He caught a glimpse of goodness in RJ that RJ wanted to keep hidden. Just like Todd. "What the hell is wrong with you! Why do you only want the world to see you one way? Why do you want everyone to think you're this miserable bastard who only hurts people!" "Whoa! Hey Sam, I was just kidding. Look, I used to be that way but I'm changing. Hank and I are okay with each other. He knows a couple of sides of me. For one thing he knows how much I love Rachel." "Yeah Rachel," Sam muttered. He couldn't help but feel bitterness toward Rachel. If she had spoken up when she first killed Georgie maybe Todd wouldn't be as sick as he is today. When Sam thought about it rationally he knew that Todd had always been seriously ill, but Sam needed to place blame, and Rachel was one of those he placed it on. "How's Rachel doing?" Sam asked. RJ didn't miss Sam's bitter tone.

"She's doing okay. She's out of prison and staying with her grandparents, in Chicago, for a while. She's not quite ready to face Llanview yet." "Isn't that wonderful! Rachel gets to start her life fresh and new. She gets to be taken care of by Grandma and Grandpa Hanen. Georgie and her baby are dead! Todd wants to be, but Rachel is happy. Thaaat's great!" "Yes Sam, that is great!" Sam and RJ turned around to see Nora standing there.

"Are you comparing the one mistake Rachel made with a career criminal like Todd!" Nora asked, furiously. "Todd paid for his crimes. He paid in ways you could never imagine!" Sam's voice was just as furious. "Oh here we go! One more chorus of poor abused Todd. He's a monster, Sam. The sooner you and my sister realize that the better off you'll both be." "You think he's a monster!" Sam grabbed Nora's arm. "Why don't you come to the hospital with me and take a look at that monster." "Hey man! Cool it!" RJ pulled Sam's hand off of Nora.

"My God Sam! What the hell is wrong with you? You've been hanging around Todd too long." Nora rubbed her arm as she spoke. Sam was out of control and he didn't care. He wanted to hurt someone. He wanted to hurt everyone. He wanted to hurt everyone the way he should have hurt Peter. Sam ordered another double. "Sam, I'm gonna have to cut you off," RJ warned him. "Go ahead! This isn't the only place in town to get a drink." Sam turned to Nora. "What the hell are you doing here anyway. Why aren't you home celebrating Rachel's release?"

Nora wasn't sure if she should say it in front of Sam, but she wanted to make it very clear to him that whatever his problem was he'd better not take it out on Rachel. "I came here tonight to give RJ the good news that Rachel will be coming home soon. I don't want you going near her with that attitude, Sam! She's suffered enough for what she did. She'll have to live with Georgie and her baby's death for the rest of her life." "What about her willingness to let an innocent boy go to jail for her crime. Is she learning to live with that too!" Sam shot back. "Todd Manning has never been innocent! Not from the day he was born!" Nora proclaimed loudly.

Sam wanted to hit Nora. He could not believe he felt that. Although he controlled himself, the knowledge that he wanted to hit a woman, a woman he once loved, terrified Sam. He didn't know what was happening to him. "Was this how Todd felt?" Sam wondered, "Is this what rage does to someone]?" "I don't think I'd better continue this conversation with you," Sam said through a clenched jaw. He took his drink and headed for an empty table.

"My God! What the hell has happened to him! That's not the Sam I know. That's a stranger. What on earth is Todd doing to him? He's turning Sam into an older version of himself," Nora exclaimed to RJ. Nora believed that Todd had to be completely responsible for this. As far as she was concerned Todd was responsible for every bad thing that had happened to her family and friends since he came to town.

"So Rachel has decided to come home?" RJ asked, not only wanting to know, but wanting to take Nora's mind off of Sam. He saw that Sam was in a very bad way and didn't want Nora making things worse.

"Yes she is!" Nora answered brightly. Rachel has had some therapy . . . " "I know she was seeing a prison shrink," RJ interrupted. "Yes, and she continued in therapy when she got to my parents. She still has some bad moments over what happened with Georgie, but she's doing great. She looks great and she feels great. Rachel has been doing some work with children with developmental disorders. In fact she has been working with autistic children. She loves it and is thinking of making a career of it."

RJ smiled. He always knew Rachel would be able to get herself together. He felt very proud of her. "When will she be coming home?" "In a couple of weeks. She'll be staying with us for the time being. RJ, I'd like for us to have a little family welcome home when Rachel gets back to Llanview." "Are you sure Rachel will be up for that?" RJ asked. He was afraid Nora was going to push too fast and too much Rachel's way.

"Nothing elaborate, RJ, just the immediate family," Nora assured him. "Are you going to invite your sister, she's about as immediate as you get?" RJ, who had always liked Susannah, stated. "I don't think Susannah will be any happier than Sam about Rachel's release. She's a charter member of the Todd Manning fan club." Nora's tone was bitter.

"Do you really think that's fair? Susannah is his doctor and I know she loves Rachel." RJ reasoned with Nora. "Oh yes, I forgot. She's the only psychiatrist on the face of the earth who could treat Todd. Come on, RJ. You know as well as I do she did it to get back at me for who knows what!" RJ knew Nora was way off base with that. "I know Susannah and she's not like that. She's also an expert on DID and I heard that she was Viki Carpenter's doctor. I think it's only reasonable that she would have been the first one they turned to when Todd needed help."

Nora could not believe it. RJ too! No one was immune to Susannah's spell. No one could see her side of it, not even Bo. Nora and Bo could not even discuss Susannah or Todd without it turning into a shouting match. Bo really got on her nerves when he always made it clear that he knew things about Todd that he couldn't say. Not that it mattered. There was not a thing Nora could think of happening to Todd that was more than he deserved. Nora understood that he had been abused, but she could not get past Todd's behavior to understand what drove it.

"Susannah the saint, protector of murderers and rapists, has you all fooled, doesn't she! Just wait until she releases Todd back into society. When he rapes or beats or murders someone or decides to blow us all to shreds for real or just plain sucks the life out of Viki, Téa and Sam, we can all have my sainted sister to thank. Now do you want to come to Rachel's homecoming or are you boycotting it unless Susannah is invited? Or maybe you're holding out until I invite Todd too?"

"Nora, you know I would never miss a chance to welcome Rachel home. I hope you know how much I love her and how much I've missed her." Nora did know that. She also knew that she still loved her sister. She just hated what she was doing. Susannah and Nora had been close when they were very young, unfortunately, as they grew up, they also grew apart. Nora would resent, yet at the same time admire Susannah's ability to look their parents in the eye and explain her reasons for doing the exact opposite of what they wanted her to do. They didn't like it, but somehow let her get away with things they would never let Nora get away with. "Even then Susannah had a way of turning everyone to her side," Nora thought.

When Nora thought about it, rationally, she realized that in some ways Susannah had never achieved the closeness with their parents that she had. Yet, it was a fair trade off. Susannah achieved a certain freedom that Nora coveted. Susannah was a free spirit even then. She was never one to follow. She always seemed as happy and content to have her head buried in a science project or a book as most kids would be to be to be invited to a party by the most popular kid in the class.

Even in the younger grades and then in high school Susannah had never cared if she "fit in" or wore the right clothes or was popular. On the contrary, she would usually befriend the kids who no one else wanted to be friends with. Paradoxically, in Susannah's case, her attentions were still sought, not only by the popular girls in the school, but most of the boys. "Everyone looooves Susannah," Nora though to herself.

Sam had downed his fourth double. The glass in front of him was starting to blur, but not enough to wipe out the image his mind's eye saw of Todd freaking out because Sam didn't want to touch him or of Todd remembering being molested by Peter. It was also not enough to wipe out the sight of Adam, screaming and crying because he couldn't tell anyone he was in pain. If remembering that did this to Todd, Sam did not even want to think about what remembering all the other things will do to him. "Sam, the advocate for therapy, the firm believer in facing your problems head on," Sam thought about himself. Now he doubted his own long believed philosophies. "Maybe we should have let you run off to Canada, Boomer," Sam thought through the fog in his brain.

"He doesn't look so good," Nora remarked to RJ, looking in Sam's direction. "No, he didn't look so good when he came in," RJ commented back. "Damn Todd Manning! He destroys everyone who has contact with him!" Nora angrily declared. "Sam's a big boy, Nora. I think he knows what he wants out of his life and apparently being there for Todd is what he wants. I've heard that he and Viki are an item. Maybe they had a falling out and that's what's bothering him," RJ suggested. Nora looked Sam's way again. "No, no! I know Sam. Only Todd can cause that kind of misery." Nora felt some compassion for Sam as she continued to stare his way. She started for his table.

"Why don't you give the man some space. Maybe all he really needs is to forget his troubles for a few hours," RJ stated as he held onto Nora's arm. "Let go, RJ. I think Sam needs someone to talk to. I can't just turn my back on him," Nora said, pulling her arm away. "Nora! You are not the one Sam needs to talk to. Not the way you feel about Todd. You're hardly an objective shoulder." "I don't have to be Todd's champion like the rest of you to be there for Sam," Nora said and walked over to Sam's table.

"Sam was surprised to see Nora sit down at his table. He stared at her. "Never knew you were twins," he chuckled and waved the server down for another double. "Wait, bring some coffee to the table instead," Nora cautioned the server. "Fine, coffee for the lady and I'll have another double Scotch," Sam's words were slurred.

Nora shook her head to the server. "Just coffee, please," Nora instructed. The server left. "Nora, why don't you go home and prepare for Rachel's homecoming. Go hang a banner or something," Sam snapped, not in the mood for this. Nora took his hand. "Sam look, I know I'm not the one you want to talk to. I won't pretend that my feelings about Todd have changed, but I still consider you my friend. I still care about you. If you want to talk to me, I promise to try to not let my personal feelings get in the way."

Sam rested his head in his right hand. He rubbed his eyes. "How's Viki? Is everything all right between you?" Nora asked, on the odd chance this wasn't just about Todd. "No, everything is not all right, with Viki, with me, with anyone." Sam stated miserably. "Is there anything I can do to help?" Nora offered. "Yeah, set the clock back eighteen years." Nora wasn't exactly sure what Sam meant. She surmised it had to do with Todd. She knew that Sam had known Todd since Todd was a child, not that Nora could imaging Todd Manning ever being a child.

"Sam, does Viki know you're here?" "I'm not even sure I know I'm here," Sam laughed at his own joke. "Would you like me to call her for you?" Nora volunteered. "NO! She has enough on her mind." Sam spoke loudly. "Sam I know this isn't any of my business, but are you and Viki having problems? I mean beside Todd," Nora pressed. "You're right. It is none of your business," Sam snapped angrily.

Nora looked away. She was embarrassed that she had interfered. Especially given her past relationship with Sam. Sam saw Nora's face blush pink. Instantly, he regretted his words. "Nora, I'm sorry. I don't mean to take everything out on you. I'm not fit company tonight. Why don't you just leave me alone." Sam's words were still slurred. His eyes weren't completely focusing.

"Sam, I can't do that. You're a friend and you're drunk!" Nora responded. "Fine, if you won't leave, I will!" Sam stood up and fell back down in the chair he was sitting in. Nora raised her eyebrows and gave him "a look." "Okayyyy, so maybe I'm not gonna be leaving just yet," Sam stated, sheepishly.

Nora's heart ached for him. She hated that he loved and defended Todd and that he could not see the truth about that boy, but she didn't hate Sam. She cared very much about him. "Did you drive here?" Nora asked. "Sure did," Sam responded. "Nora held out her hand, and spoke firmly. "Let me have 'em." "Sam looked confused. "Your car keys, Sam. Let me have them." "I'm drunk, Nora, not stupid. I won't be driving." Nora held out her hand insistently. "Jesus! Okay, here!" Sam tossed the keys in her palm. "Thank you," Nora said softly.

Nora sat with Sam for a while, offering silent comfort. Suddenly Sam looked panicked. He looked at his watch. He rubbed his eyes, trying to see the face that blurred before his eyes. "Damn it. I can't make it out. Nora, what time is it?" "It's a little after one," Nora answered. "Oh God! I can't believe I've been away from the hospital for so long. I have to get back!"

Sam stood again. He remained standing this time but he was shaky on his feet. "Sam, I don't think you should be alone," Nora declared, more than commented. "I'm a big boy, Nora. I can take care of myself. It's taking care of other people that I'm not so good at." Nora was about to say something negative about Todd, but held her tongue.

"Come on," Nora took his arm. "Come on where? Look I don't have time for games. I have to get back to Todd and Viki." Sam was still upset with Viki, Susannah, God and the whole world and most of all himself, still, he had sobered up enough to realize that he needed to get back. Especially if Adam was out. "That little boy has no one to stand up for him," Sam thought.

"Nora," Sam continued, "why don't you go get Rachel's bed all comfy for her homecoming and let me get back to the hospital." Nora ignored Sam's sarcasm and bitterness. She knew he was mad at the world. "We are going to the hospital. You can leave your car here and get it tomorrow. I'll drive you."

Sam didn't feel comfortable letting Nora do that. "I don't think that's a very good idea. I'll take a cab," Sam turned to leave and almost lost his balance. He clung on to the table for a moment. "Sam, I can't let you leave like that. If you break your fool neck Viki will never speak to me again. Now come on. I promise not to say a word about Todd." "Isn't Bo wondering where you are?" "Bo is out of town until tomorrow. The only one who's home is Mud. Did I ever tell you that damn pooch found his way back to our house? Now I've grown to love the stupid mutt and so I'll never get him out of our lives."

Sam smiled, weakly. He sighed and shook his head. He just wanted to get back. If Nora taking him was the quickest way, so be it. "All right, but I want to leave now, are you ready to go?" "Yes, I just want to tell RJ I'm going to get you to the hospital, safely and that you are leaving your car in the lot overnight. We'll do that on our way out."

Sam was embarrassed that he had to lean on Nora a little. They finally made it to her car. They rode most of the way in silence. Feeling uncomfortable around Sam for the first time, Nora tried to make conversation by relating some amusing stories from some of her cases. Sam didn't even pretend to listen. Nora was worried about him. She felt her anger at Todd rising. "Sam is such a good man. How the hell can you do this to him? Damn you Todd!" She thought. Nora was convinced that Todd was somehow pulling a fast one on everyone. What his motive was, she couldn't fathom.

At that late hour, Nora was able to get a spot right in front of the hospital. She started to get out. "Wait, you don't have to come in. I know how you feel about Todd and Susannah and probably Viki and me." Sam climbed out of the passenger seat and felt a wave of dizziness wash over him. Now he was sorry he had drank so much.

Nora got out of the car and locked the doors. She came around to where Sam stood, leaning slightly against the car. "My taxi here goes above and beyond curb side service," Nora cracked. She assumed Susannah would be gone by this hour and Todd and Viki would be asleep. Sam felt too bad to protest. He just wanted to get upstairs and see his kid.

Nora and Sam headed into the hospital. Despite her outward calm, Nora felt a wave of anxiety as she walked into the hospital elevator with Sam and pressed seven. It was almost as if she could feel Todd's presence in the building.

TO BE CONTINUED