"No, not in this case. There are other kinds of seizures that patients can feel, but not one that immediately goes into tonic-clonic."

*****

Marcia was doing vitals on Todd when Susannah got back to his room. "How's he doing?" Susannah asked.

"BP's good. One ten over seventy, as usual," Marcia answered. "His pulse and respiration are normal," Marcia added.

Susannah checked his eyes. "Equal and reactive," she commented to Marcia. "Has he been waking up at all?" Susannah inquired.

"No. He's been postictal for nearly ninety minutes now," Connie shook her head and responded.

"Todd," Susannah called out softly. She stroked his head. "Todd!" she called a little louder. She gently tapped his cheek. There was no response. Susannah wanted to pull up Todd's old medical records. "I'm heading to my office for a while. I'll be back in about thirty minutes. Call me immediately if there is any change at all," Susannah instructed and then told Marcia to do vitals on him every fifteen minutes for the next hour.

Blair came back into Todd's room a few minutes after Susannah left. She noticed the side rails had been padded with sheets. She smiled at Marcia. "Is it all right if I sit with him for while?"

"Sure. Why don't you try talking to him? See if you can wake him up," Marcia suggested. Marcia checked the drip on his IV. "Dave is posted right outside the door," Marcia assured Blair and went to get another bag of normal saline.

Blair was left alone in the room with Todd. She stroked his head and kissed him on the lips. "Come on, baby. It's time to wake up." Blair continued to speak softly to him. She stroked his uninjured cheek as she spoke. "Todd, Starr is so much like you. She holds everything inside and imagines the worst, instead of taking to someone about it. She's also becoming a good little artist. She gets that from you too. When you come home maybe you will realize how talented you are and teach Starr a few things." Blair thought for a minute, then quietly said, "Tom . . . Timmy . . . Andy . . . Thomas . . . all of you in there. If you're listening, I would love all of you to be able to come home to Starr and me. Starr loves all of you. She loves to play with you and draw with you. She's always talking about those tea parties you used to have. She wants to come see you so much. I told her they didn't allow children in here and that you didn't want her to see you when you weren't well. She understands so much. Todd, you would be so proud of our little girl. She is so smart and so beautiful. She's grown a couple of inches since you've been in the hospital," Blair told all of them. Tears filled Blair's eyes. She bent down and whispered. "I told her that maybe there was a chance you could come home to us to finish your therapy. Don't worry. I explained that most likely it wouldn't be possible. Oh, Todd, just the thought of it made her so happy. Starr would be in heaven if you could come home to us." Blair spoke directly into Todd's left ear. "And so would I, baby. So would I."

Marcia came back into the room and hung the fresh bag of IV solution. "Did he seem to hear you?" she asked Blair.

"No. He didn't respond at all," Blair answered sadly as she continued to stroke Todd's head. Blair stayed for a little while longer and then kissed Todd again and left. *****

Tea spotted Sam, Viki and Kevin at a table in the cafeteria. She waved. She got herself a cup of coffee and joined them.

"Well, you look happy." Kevin observed. "So what did Blair want to tell you about Starr?"

"It's good news for once. I can't believe it. Blair is going to let me see Starr," Téa answered exuberantly.

"What's the catch?" Kevin asked. Sam and Viki quietly wondered the same thing.

"None that I can see. Blair said Starr thought I stopped coming to see her because I was angry with her and that I didn't love her anymore."

"Oh, poor little Starr. Téa, did Blair set her straight?" Viki was upset that Starr was left to think that. Viki realized that she had been lax about seeing Starr. It wasn't just that she hated leaving the hospital. It was also that seeing Starr broke her heart. Every time Viki looked at the little girl who reminded her so much of Todd, she was reminded of how Todd longed to see his child and couldn't allow himself to. It tore Viki to pieces. So, she hadn't seen the child much lately. She wondered if Starr felt that her Aunt Viki also stopped loving her.

"Téa, that's wonderful. I know how desperately you wanted to see Starr," Sam stated. He was very happy for Téa and Starr.

"Do you know how much Blair has told her about Todd?" Viki was concerned Téa might say too much or the wrong thing.

"Blair said Starr was afraid . . ." Téa was hesitant to say it in front of Viki. Since she already began, she finished her sentence. "Starr was afraid Todd had died and everyone was keeping it from her."

Tears immediately fell from Viki's eyes. She thought of her precious Starr thinking the daddy she loved so much was dead. Viki realized how close that came to being true on several occasions. Viki put her hand to her mouth to try to hold back even more tears.

Sam and Kevin both became choked up. "Blair did set her straight?" Sam asked in a broken voice.

"Yes. Actually, from the things Blair told me she said to Starr, I think she handled it well. Blair was as truthful with Starr as she could be. She said she thought Starr understood."

Viki was happy for Téa. She knew how much she loved Starr and how much Starr loved Téa. She prayed for the day that Todd, Téa and Starr could be a family again.

Kevin was a little leery. "Téa, are you sure Blair's not up to something? I mean this change of heart is kind of sudden."

Téa was annoyed with Kevin. She finally had something to be happy over and she didn't like him spoiling it. "If there is one good thing about Blair, it is how much she loves Starr. Starr was upset. She thought the reason I wasn't coming around was because I didn't love her anymore. She was afraid I was angry with her. Hurting Starr that way was not Blair's intent. Once she realized that keeping Starr and me apart was hurting her little girl, she put Starr's feeling above her own and asked me to come see her."

"I know that couldn't have been easy for Blair and I admire her for it," Sam commented.

"No, I'm sure it wasn't easy for her. Unlike Dorian, Blair does have a good heart. Unfortunately sometimes her attitude and her own fears get in the way of it," Viki added.

*****

After a few more minutes, they all headed back to Todd's room. Blair was gone by the time they got there. Susannah was walking down the hall on her way back to Todd's room. She waved them over to the lounge area. She wanted to tell them about something she had just read in Todd's old medical records. She also wanted to see if anyone had any more questions. Just as they all reached the lounge area, they heard Marcia call for assistance. Todd was having another seizure.

"Call neurology. Tell them to get here stat! Get Peterson and Altman!" Susannah called to Mary, a nurse who was manning the nurses station, as she ran into Todd's room. She wanted the medical residents in Todd's room as quickly as possible. Viki, Sam and Téa rushed to follow Susannah. "Please wait in the lounge," Susannah called to them over her shoulder.

Sam and Téa stopped in their tracks. Viki continued to head toward Todd's room. "Honey, no! Come on. Let them do their job." Sam put his arm around Viki's waist to keep her from following Susannah.

"No! Sam, I want to be in there with him. Please! Susannah must think it's very serious or she wouldn't have called in all that additional staff. She wouldn't have told us to wait outside. Sam, we're his family we he needs to know we're here," Viki pleaded.

"He knows. He knows," Sam whispered. He took Viki in his arms and held her tightly. Téa stood by, quietly weeping. Kevin put his arm around her. He held back his own tears.

Viki, Kevin, Téa and Sam watched as Doctor Wells, the neurologist on duty, and doctors and nurses from other units rushed to Todd's room. Todd had seized for three minutes and fifty-six seconds. His body was still for only a few seconds when another seizure immediately started. Todd was having life threatening status epilepticus seizures.

"We're going to status protocol," Doctor Wells called out loudly. "Two milligrams lorazepam IV," he ordered. He then told them to call the ER and tell them they were bringing Todd down. "Okay. Theeeere we go. We have cessation," Doctor Wells declared as Todd stopped seizing. He checked Todd's eyes. "Dilated and sluggishly reactive to light," he commented. They knew that was as likely do to the lorazepam as the seizure. "Let's start the O2 . . . 100 percent, fifteen liters per minute," he ordered.

"BP one hundred over sixty . . . pulse sixty-two and regular . . . respiration twenty-two," Connie called out.

"Let's transport him," Doctor Wells instructed.

*****

Viki, Sam, Kevin and Téa stood like statues as they watched medical personnel come in and out of Todd's room. When they saw Carl wheel a gurney into the room, they realized Todd was in a bad way and needed to be moved out of the psychiatric unit. Susannah came out of Todd's room. They all rushed to her.

"Todd went into status epilepticus. He's been medicated with lorazepam and the seizures have stopped. We're taking him to the ER where he'll be given an intravenous anticonvulsant. He'll be monitored in the ER for a while and then he'll probably be sent for a CT scan and be moved to ICU for a day or two and kept on seizure precautions until we're sure he's stabilized," Susannah explained.

"Is his life in danger?" Téa asked.

"No, not now. However the kind of seizures Todd had are very serious and he needs close monitoring. I know I'm asking for the impossible . . . please try to stay calm. He'll be all right. They'll start him on a fosphenytoin drip. That requires he stay on a cardiac monitor and have his vitals checked every fifteen minutes."

They wheeled Todd out. They expected the worst. They thought he'd be on a respirator or look like he was in pain. He just looked as if he were sleeping soundly. Susannah rode with Todd and Doctor Wells in the patient transport elevator. Viki, Sam, Kevin and Téa waited impatiently for the next passenger elevator. They headed for the first floor Emergency Room.

*****

Todd was already in a cubicle when they all rushed into the ER. They heard Doctor Wells' voice. "Fosphenytoin, IV, twelve hundred milligrams PE infused at one hundred and fifty milligrams PE per minute."

Just as they started to head into the cubicle Todd was in, Susannah came out. "Give them a few minutes to get him settled and then you can see him. He's doing okay. His blood pressure and heart rate are a little low, more from the medication than the seizure. We're watching him. Doctor Anderson has been paged and I will ask him to come to the ER as soon as he calls in," Susannah said comfortingly.

A young doctor exited the cubicle. "Hello, are you the parents?" he asked Sam and Viki, without introducing himself.

"I'm his sister and his guardian. Sam is like a father to Todd. We both consider Todd to be our child," Viki let him know. She pointed to Téa and Kevin. "Téa is his wife and Kevin is my son." Doctor Ascher nodded in their direction.

They approached the cubicle Todd was in. Doctor Ascher stopped them "I need to ask you some questions let's sit over here, please," the young doctor directed. His manner seemed cold and matter-of-fact. Viki and Sam both had a problem with that. They headed for some chairs in a waiting area.

"Doctor Hanen filled Doctor Wells in on Todd's history," Sam informed Doctor Ascher. He was eager to get in to see Todd.

"Yes, I know. We like to speak to the family and make sure no piece of information gets missed. This will only take a little while and then you can go see your boy."

Kevin stood behind Viki and Téa behind Susannah. "Doctor Wells filled us in on some of the history. I want to make sure we cover everything," Doctor Ascher reiterated. "Has Todd ever had a seizure before?"

"Late last year, he had febrile seizures when he had pneumonia. An infant alter was out. He never had any before that as far . . ."

Susannah cut Viki off. "He had a seizure in late 1993, after he sustained a brain injury."

They were all shocked. None of them had ever heard this before. "I-I . . . I didn't know," Viki stammered.

"It happened after he was hit with a pipe," Susannah informed both Doctor Ascher and Todd's family.

"Has he had any other seizures at all, before or after the febrile seizures?"

Viki held off and allowed Susannah to answer. She thought Susannah might have seen something else in Todd's old records that she didn't know about.

"None that we know of," Susannah replied.

"Right before the first seizure he had today, did he seem more tired or upset than usual?" Doctor Ascher inquired.

"Yes," Sam answered. He then asked the doctor, "do you know that he has DID and many alters?"

"Yes. I saw it in his chart. I have to tell you that I'm not very familiar with DID. I understand a child alter was out at the time of the seizure."

Viki spoke up. "Yes, Thomas. He's eight years old. He did look very tired right before the first seizure."

Viki asked if the akathisia or the constant motion Thomas had been in contributed or caused the seizure.

"Not that we know of," Doctor Ascher answered vaguely.

Susannah could see the young intern's answers were too vague to give Todd's family peace of mind about that. "No. There has been no evidence of akathisia leading to seizures," Susannah answered firmly.

Doctor Ascher's questions and Viki and Sam's responses continued.

"Was he thirsty?"

"No."

"Was he upset?"

"Yes."

"Did he sense or feel anything unusual right before the seizures?"

They informed him of the aura Thomas had.

"Did his face change color during the seizure?"

They described Todd's face to him.

"Is there a family history of seizures?"

"Not that I know of," Viki answered.

Many of the questions had to be put on hold until Todd was alert enough to respond.

"Do you think the medications he's on could have caused this?" Sam asked.

Doctor Ascher looked down at the chart. "Mmmm . . . olanzapine . . . paroxetine . . . lorazepam . . . epoetin," he read out loud. "We use lorazepam to treat seizures, so there's no problem there. Paroxetine doesn't usually trigger seizures either. There is a very slight chance that olanzapine and epoetin can trigger seizures, but with his history of brain injury, I would say it is much more likely that he has developed epilepsy. For the time being his medications have been discontinued."

"The epoetin . . . that's the Procrit, isn't it?" Sam asked.

"Yes," Doctor Ascher answered.

"But he's so anemic now. If you stop that, won't it get worse?" Viki pressed.

"We will reintroduce medications one by one and see if they trigger seizures," Susannah explained.

"What are you doing for Todd, right now, to prevent any more seizures?" Kevin inquired. He was afraid for Todd, and afraid for what this was doing to his mother.

"Todd has been started on a fosphenytoin drip. Then he'll be put on a standing dose of Dilantin. He needs to be carefully monitored. We'll be keeping him here for about ninety minutes, until the loading dose of fosphenytoin finishes and we've had a chance to evaluate him again. Then we'll take him for a CT scan," Ascher informed them.

"Todd is terrified of confinement. He can't tolerate tests like that. Will you put him to sleep before the CT scan?" Viki was panicking.

"Yes, that's right. What if he has another seizure while he's in the machine?" Sam added frantically.

"Todd is already sedated with lorazepam. He will probably be given some more sedation before he goes for the CT scan. The fosphenytoin will also keep him a little sedated. Just in case, Doctor Wells or I or Doctor Anderson, if he gets here, will be with him when he has the CT scan. If he starts to become agitated or starts to seize we will be ready with the appropriate medication. After the CT scan, he'll be moved to ICU. Tomorrow he'll be started on oral doses of Dilantin," Doctor Ascher informed them.

"Doctor Hanen explained that to us. Is Dilantin dangerous? Are there serious side effects?" Sam questioned.

"All of the anticonvulsants have the potential for some serious side effects. Unfortunately they are necessary to prevent further seizures, but there can be problems. Most of the serious side effects are rare. The fosphenytoin is only being used as an emergency treatment, to treat the status epilepticus. IV phenytoin . . . Dilantin . . . could have been used. The fosphenytoin . . . you may be familiar with the brand name Cerebyx . . . causes less cardiac irritability and less irritability to the IV site. Also, it can be given more rapidly. It may make Todd nauseous and dizzy. His speech may be slurred. He may have some intense itching, especially in the groin area. Those symptoms will all pass in about an hour or so."

Viki was becoming more frightened by the minute. "What about the Dilantin. He'll be getting that long term, won't he?"

"As I said, there can be some side effects that range from unpleasant to extremely serious. It can worsen his depression and confusion. It can also cause aggression. Paradoxically, anticonvulsants, or the seizures themselves, can sometimes be beneficial to patients with mental illness. We can't predict how . . . " Doctor Ascher looked at the chart, apparently forgetting his patient's name.

"Todd!" Sam reminded him through clenched teeth. He did not like this young doctor.

"Yes. We cannot predict how Todd will react at this time. The fosphenytoin and the lorazepam have caused his pressure to drop a little. We are keeping and eye on that."

"Is he in any danger from the medication or the seizures?" Viki wanted clarity.

Doctor Ascher could hear the fear in her voice. He hated to have to fill patients and their family in on dangerous side effects of medications that were not likely to occur. It worried them needlessly and caused them to ask questions about things that would probably never happen. He knew it was their right to be informed so he continued. "Right now, because of the fosphenytoin, Todd has to be watched for V-Fib, which is a dangerous heart arrhythmia. There is a very slim possibility of Dilantin also causing some cardiac disturbances and causing some problems lowering his red and, or white blood cells. There is the possibility of nephritis, which is an inflammation of the kidneys. Those things don't concern me, what . . ."

"THOSE THINGS DON'T CONCERN YOU!" Sam shouted. He stood up and grabbed the young doctor by the lapels of is lab coat. "YOU ARROGANT SON OF A BITCH! IF THAT WAS YOUR KID IN THERE MAYBE YOU'D BE CONCERNED!"

"Sam!" Viki cried out.

Susannah and Kevin rushed to tear Sam off of Doctor Ascher.

"GET OFF OF ME!" Sam yelled. He pulled away from Kevin and Susannah. Sam stood quietly for a moment. He shook his head to clear it. He realized what he had just done. He looked horrified. Tears formed in his eyes and spilled down his cheeks. "Oh man! I'm sorry. I'm . . . I'm so sorry." Sam didn't know what else to say. He had really lost it. Viki took him in her arms.

Doctor Ascher straightened his lab coat. He looked at Susannah. Her look begged him not to make a big deal over this. "It's all right Mr. Rappaport. I understand you are very upset. I didn't mean to suggest that I didn't care about what is happening to Todd. I merely meant that those problems were not likely to happen. You have taught me a lesson in how to relate to patients and their families," Doctor Ascher graciously offered. They all walked away for a minute to give Sam and Viki some privacy.

"I can't believe I did that." Sam was distraught.

Viki held on to him. "Sam listen to me. No one blames you. You have been under an inhuman amount of pressure. That young doctor understands. He'll become a better doctor for it. Honey?" Viki lifted Sam's face and wiped the tears from his cheeks. "He'll be okay. Our boy is a survivor."

"Like his big sister," Sam said softly. He hugged Viki and then suggested, "let's go find out if we can see our kid."

Viki and Sam joined Susannah, Kevin and Téa over by the nurses station. Doctor Ascher had gone back in to check on Todd. Sam patted Kevin on the back and said, "Thanks. I'm sorry I lost control that way."

"Hey, he is an arrogant SOB. You just taught him not to be," Kevin commented.

Sam nodded. He patted Kevin's back one more time.

"Sam, are you all right?" Susannah was worried about him.

"Yeah, I'm fine, or I will be once we know Todd's going to be all right."

"Would you like to go someplace private and talk with me for a while?" Susannah offered.

"No. Thank you. I just want to see Todd." Sam's voice still had a little edge to it.

Viki suddenly remembered. "Blair . . . do you think we should notify Blair? Dear Lord, I don't want a repeat of what happened earlier."

Sam and Viki looked at Susannah for guidance. "I can't tell you what to do as far as Blair is concerned." Susannah turned to Téa and Kevin. "I do need to say that if Blair comes back to see Todd I think it would be best if you both either went home or went to the cafeteria while she was here."

Téa cast her eyes downward for a moment. She took a deep breath and nodded her head and replied, "I understand. Let me know if Blair is coming and I'll make sure not to be here."

"Now wait a damn minute. I don't think it's fair to ask Téa, Todd's wife, to leave so that Blair, Todd's ex-wife can visit him!" Kevin spoke up angrily.

"Kevin please! It's all right. No one has the strength to go another round with Blair," Téa responded.

"Kevin, I'm sorry. This is what is best for all concerned right now, especially Todd. I don't want the three of you around him at the same time." Susannah held her ground.

"Then tell Blair not to show up. Téa has a right to be here." Kevin's tone sounded even angrier.

"Sweetheart, please!" Viki pleaded. She took Kevin's arm.

"Kevin, I understand what you're saying and it's not fair . . . just let it go. For Christ sake! We have more to worry about here than hurt feelings," Sam scolded. He was anxious to get in there to see Todd and he had no patience for this.

"Viki, Sam, it's all right, really. I'll go to the cafeteria when Blair comes," Téa assured them.

"Thank you, honey. I'm sorry it has to be like this," Viki commented and hugged Téa.

"Same goes for me. Téa, thank you," Sam took Téa's hand.

"Téa, I appreciate your understanding," Susannah praised her.

"Kevin?" Viki asked her son.

"Yeah. Okay. If Blair comes, I will make sure not to be here," Kevin agreed bitterly.

"Téa, why don't you go in first, just in case Blair comes and you have to leave," Viki offered generously.

Sam realized Viki was right. Even though he wanted nothing more at that moment than to see Todd, he added, "She's right, Téa. You go ahead. We'll go in later."

Téa looked at them with tears in her eyes. She headed for the cubicle Todd was in. Kevin started to go with her.

"Uh, Kev. Why don't we give Téa some time alone with her husband," Sam placed his hand on Kevin's arm and suggested.

Kevin seemed surprised by Sam's remark. "I was going to offer moral support and I wanted to see Todd."

"I think your mom here could use a little moral support too, right about now," Sam responded.

Kevin looked a little guilty for the moment. "Mom, I'm sorry. I . . ."

"Sweetheart, it's all right. I know you're concerned about Téa. I do think she might want a few minutes alone with Todd." Viki hugged her son.

Todd was still asleep. Téa heard the steady beat of the monitor. It was frightening and reassuring at the same time. Todd appeared peaceful. Téa took his hand. She gently pried his fingers open and placed his palm on her cheek. She held it there for a moment and then kissed it. Tenderly, she placed it on his stomach and kissed his cheek. Tears started down Téa's cheeks. "Querido, I love you so much. How am I going to make you feel that?" Téa stroked Todd's head. "How can I reach you? How do I get to where you hide and are able to feel love? How do I get to that part of you, mi amour?"

Téa smiled sadly. "If you were awake and you were you . . . Todd . . . you would never let me do this. My touch hurt you. It frightened you." Téa looked confused. "Yet . . . I think you wanted it. You wanted comfort . . . closeness . . . when you got it, you ran from it. Querido, did it frighten you to want it or to receive it? Or both? Do you remember the first time you ever kissed me? You sent Starr to stay overnight with Blair, for the first time. You hugged me. You held on so tightly. I felt that frightened little boy in you that night. I saw your terror at being alone. Todd, you never have to be alone again. Why can't you believe that? Did you ever realize what that kiss meant to me?" Téa stroked her finger over his lips. "Mi corazon, do you know how these beautiful lips felt to me? I felt them on my own lips for hours afterward. I have spent months longing to know them again. Did you feel that way about mine? If you did, will you ever be able to say that to me? I remember that letter you wrote me. You mentioned my mouth. Do you want to feel my lips on yours again? Do you even remember that night? What is happening to you?" Téa kissed his head. "What's happening in that amazing brain of yours?"

Tears poured down Téa's cheeks. "Todd, please come back to me. Please come back to the life you promised me the night you proposed to me, for real. Do you remember that night? Is that in there somewhere?" Téa tenderly tapped Todd's head. "Do you remember giving me the ring Viki gave you? I knew you were terrified that night . . . and you know what?" Téa laughed. "So was I. I wanted to commit to you more than anything and I was afraid of it more than anything. My track record in relationships is not much better than yours, pal. I've been looking for something my whole life, Todd. I never realized what it was until I started to love you . . . until I started to love Starr . . . until we became a family. After my mother left, I never had anything to lose before. You and Starr gave me something to lose. That hurts so much." Téa sighed. "It also feels so good. Todd, please don't take that away from me. Give me back my family. Todd!" Téa's shoulders shook as she sobbed.

Téa raised her head and wiped at her cheeks with her hands. "You're the only one, Todd. You're the only one who doesn't make me feel like the janitor's daughter. You're the only one who doesn't make me feel like that little girl who was so unlovable that her mother left her without a second glance. We share that, Todd. I can't begin to know what it feels like to have been abused the way you were, but I know what it's like to feel worthless because you were left behind. I know what it is to spend every day of your life waiting for someone who's never going to come back. I know what if feels like to have a glimmer of hope every time you hear the phone ring or hear someone at the door . . . only to be disappointed time and time again . . . and still, you never give up hope. Still you believe that she will come back to you because you are hers. You want to be so special to her that she can never leave you forever. Then one day, when you finally realize you are not special and that she's never coming back, you feel your heartbreak like you never thought it would. You feel your soul being ripped out of you. I know what that feels like, Todd. I can help you through that part and you can help me. Todd, I know you think I just pity you, but that isn't true. I pity me. I'm the one who is left alone, again, without you . . . the one person I thought I was finally special to. I know you can't help being sick, but you left me, Todd. You left me and Starr got taken away from me. I don't pity you. I need you. I need you to help me. I need you to understand me. I need you to love me. Todd, please!"

"Téa." Téa jumped. She was shocked to hear Todd say her name. She looked at him. His eyes were closed and he still appeared to be in a deep sleep. "Todd! Todd, can you hear me?" There was no response. Téa ran out of the cubicle. "I think he's waking up. He said my name. I was talking to him and he said my name." Sam, Viki and Kevin all stood up. Todd's regular neurologist, Doctor Anderson, had shown up and Susannah had been talking to him over by the nurses station. Both she and Doctor Anderson hurried over.

"Téa, please just wait right outside the cubicle for a few minutes while we examine him. Then we want you to try to talk to him again," Susannah explained.

*****

"Todd! Todd, it's Doctor Hanen. Todd I want you to open your eyes. Todd!" Susannah lightly tapped his cheek. There was no response. Doctor Anderson examined him. His pupils were still reacting sluggishly to light. He was in a deep sleep. All his neurological responses were slow. They attributed that more to the medication, than the seizure. Doctor Anderson and Susannah stepped outside.

"Mrs. Manning, are you sure you heard him say your name?" Doctor Anderson asked.

"Yes, I'm sure!" Téa's eyes flashed with anger. "I know my husband's voice. Why? Didn't he wake up at all when you examined him?"

"No, and it is not likely that he would be waking up just yet. He has been heavily medicated," Doctor Anderson gently informed her.

Téa turned to Sam and Viki and Kevin. "I heard him. I swear I did. He sounded really out of it, but he said Téa. He did!" Téa turned to Susannah. "He did, Doctor Hanen. He said Téa. I'm not imagining it," Téa insisted.

Susannah patted her arm. "Téa, no one is saying that. We know it's possible Todd may have heard you and reacted. He's not unconscious now. He's in a very deep sleep. Why don't you try talking to him again?"

"Oh Téa, before you go . . . I spoke to Blair and she is not coming. She already sent the nanny home, again, and Starr is sleeping so she is staying with her," Sam informed her.

Téa was relieved to hear that. She headed back to Todd. She called to him over and over again. She stroked his head and his cheek and held his hand. She told him the good news about Blair letting her see Starr again. There was no response.

"He'll wake up soon. Just give it a little more time." Susannah took Téa's hand and tried to reassure her. She then added, "Téa, you've had such a hard day. Why don't you go home for a while? Or, you can go to the family lounge on Todd's floor."

Téa did feel tired. She felt exhausted. "I don't want to leave the hospital. I do think I will go to the lounge for a while. Do you promise to get me if there are any changes? I mean if he's in any danger."

"Yes, I promise." Susannah answered.

*****

"Any response?" Viki asked hopefully when she saw them come out of Todd's cubicle.

"No," Téa shook her head.

"It's normal for him to be in a deep sleep at this point," Susannah explained. "Viki, I just suggested Téa get some rest and she is going to take me up on it. How about you and you Sam? Why don't you go to the lounge with Téa? Kevin, you too if you like. I promise to have someone get you the second he starts to wake up or if there are any problems," Susannah added.

"We just want to see him first," Sam spoke up. Téa felt guilty. She realized she had stayed with Todd longer than she should have.

"Yes, of course you can see him first. Then, I hope you both get some rest. It's when he's more fully awake that he is going to need you all to be there for him. Get some rest while you can," Susannah suggested.

Téa hugged Viki and then Sam. She patted Kevin's arm and headed for the lounge. She felt like she could sleep for a week.

*****

Viki and Sam stepped into the cubicle. Todd was pale and still. Nevertheless, he was peaceful. His even breathing reassured them. Viki kissed his forehead, as did Sam.

"Hey, pal. You gave us quiet a scare. "You're gonna be fine. Don't you worry about anything," Sam told Todd, even though Todd remained asleep.

"Yes, sweetheart. They're giving you medication that will help. Everything going to be all right," Viki added. She wished she believed what she said. She was terrified for her brother. Todd moaned, startling both of them. "Todd, it's Viki. Sweetheart, Sam and I are here. Can you hear me?" Just then one of the ER nurses stepped in to do vitals on Todd and to check the IV. "He moaned. I think he's waking up. Can you please get Doctors Hanen and Anderson?" Viki requested.

Susannah and Doctor Anderson came into the cubicle. Doctor Anderson checked Todd's eyes. "More responsive," he commented. "Todd! Todd! It's time to wake up. Todd!" Doctor Anderson called to him in a loud voice. Todd didn't respond.

"Let Viki or Sam try," Susannah suggested.

Doctor Anderson moved away, giving Viki room to stand near Todd's head.

"Todd, it's Viki. Wake up now, sweetheart. We need for you to talk to us." Slowly, Todd's eyes opened. He reached out his hands. They knew it was Todd. "Todd, it's Viki." She took his outstretched hands in hers. "It's me, baby. It's Viki."

Todd moaned again. "Ohhh, my head hurts! Everything hurts." His words were very slurred.

"Todd, it's Doctor Hanen. I know your head hurts. We'll get you something for that. We need to ask you a few questions."

"Questions?" Todd mumbled. Todd felt odd and confused. His head was throbbing and he was very nauseous and dizzy. All he wanted to do was go back to sleep. His eyes started to close again.

"Todd! Stay with us for a few minutes. Todd!" Doctor Anderson once again called loudly. Todd's eyes fluttered open. "That's good, Todd. Try to stay with us." Doctor Anderson knew Todd couldn't see where he was, so assessing him for place was impossible. "Todd, do you remember where you were last?"

Todd's tongue felt thick. It was hard for him to get the words out. He tried to think. He had no idea where he was. His blindness greatly contributed to his fear and confusion. All he knew was that he was in pain. He felt awful and he was scared. He didn't want to be there. Todd's eyes closed for a second and then he reached out again. Viki once again took his hands.

"Tell him you're here, only don't mention your name," Susannah whispered to Viki.

"Todd, I'm here with you, sweetheart. You're safe," Viki said lovingly. She held his hand.

"Todd, do you know who just spoke to you?" Susannah tested him.

Todd thought for a moment. "My mama."

Tears trickled down Viki's cheeks. She looked at Susannah.

"Say something else to him," Doctor Anderson instructed.

"Todd, listen to my voice, sweetheart. Tell me who I am."

"My mama," Todd insisted. He started to cry.

"Shhhh. Pal, it's okay. No one is going to hurt you."

Todd looked confused. Then he started to look terrified. He tried to get up and off the gurney.

Susannah and Doctor Anderson held him back. "Hold his legs, Sam," Susannah directed.

Sam held onto Todd's legs. It didn't take much effort on of their part. Todd was too weak and heavily medicated to put up much of a fight. Sam and Viki both flashed back to the night they were called to the ER because Todd had passed out and crashed Téa's car into a tree. They remembered Sam having to help hold Timmy still that long ago night.

Additional staff came in and helped hold Todd still. This allowed Sam to go the head of the gurney and stroke Todd's head.

"Todd, you need to calm down. Everything is all right. Tell me what's frightening you," Susannah gently prompted.

Todd still looked frightened.

"Boomer, relax. I won't let anyone hurt you."

"Dad? Dad I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I know I'm a disappointed to you. I didn't get the touchdown. I'll do better next time. I swear. We can still go outside and toss the ball around, can't we? Dad, it's so dark. I can't see anything. Can we turn the lights on?"

"Todd, tell me where you are," Susannah asked.

Todd looked even more confused. "Mama!" he cried out. He tried to raise his hands to reach out to Viki.

Viki stroked his cheek as Doctor Anderson and Susannah held Todd's upper body still. "Baby, it okay. I promise no one will hurt you."

"Todd, do you know where you are?" Doctor Anderson asked this time.

"Home. Mama. Please don't go away." Todd was completely disoriented to person, place and time.

"Todd, who's Viki? Tell us who Viki is," Susannah gently coaxed.

Todd looked completely flustered.

They were beginning to wonder if this was Todd. "Tell us your name," Doctor Anderson prompted.

"Todd." He seemed perplexed that they wouldn't know.

"Did my dad leave?" Todd whimpered. His words still badly slurred.

Thinking it would comfort him, Susannah answered. "You don't have to worry about your dad coming here. He can't come near you."

"I didn't mean it! Dad! Dad! I didn't mean it. Please don't leave me. DAAAAAAD!" Todd was screaming. His heart was racing. They didn't want to have to sedate him any further at that point.

"Todd, you need to calm down. It's all right. Your dad didn't leave you. Shhhh." Susannah spoke quietly and comfortingly to him.

"He's gonna go away and stay away and leave me all alone because I'm a big disappointment to him. He is! He told me. He packed his bag. I give him nothing but heartache and grief. He's ashamed to call me his son. He said the police are going to come and take me to jail or an orphanage because that's what they do to kids who are left alone without any parents. I'm scared. I don't want to be all alone. I don't want to go to jail or to an orphanage. Dad please. I'll try to be a better football player and do better in school and be quieter. I won't be so clumsy. Please. I won't play the TV. I won't eat so much or drink so much milk. Daaaad! DAAAAAD! Ohhhh! I don't feel so good. Everything is moving around. I have to throw up!"

Todd was panicking. Susannah and Doctor Anderson lifted him slightly and turned him sideways. A nurse held a basin in front of his mouth. Todd vomited. When he was finished, he moaned softly. The ER nurse gently wiped his mouth. He was nearly limp in their arms. Doctor Anderson and Susannah gently laid him back down on the gurney. Susannah took a cool wet washcloth from the nurse and pressed it against Todd's forehead and then his cheeks and neck.

"I'm sorry Dad. Please. I'll clean it up. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry," Todd kept moaning.

"Shhhh. Todd, it's all right. You didn't get it on the floor there's no mess. No one is going to punish you. Shhhhh," Susannah comforted him.

"Daaaaad!" Todd cried out.

They did vitals on him. Though his respiration was fine, his pressure was still too low. They held back on administering more sedation.

They couldn't believe that Todd was so terrified of his father leaving, when he was usually terrified of him being there. Sam wondered if he was hallucinating or if he was getting Peter mixed up with him. It hurt him to hear Todd crying out for the man who tormented him. "Todd, it's Sam. I'm right here with you. I'm not going anywhere. I'll never leave you."

"Dad?" Apparently Todd had a need to have Sam and Viki be his parents right now.

"It's Sam, Boomer," he gently informed him.

Todd started to quiet down. "Dad, are you gonna stay with me? I'll try harder. I swear I will. Please, Dad."

Sam stroked his head. "I'm staying right here with my boy. I won't leave you."

"Mama, promise you won't leave," Todd begged.

Viki rubbed his arm as Susannah held it down. Without saying she was mama, Viki promised. "I'll stay right here with you too, sweetheart. I won't leave you."

Todd became calmer. They could see his eyes were becoming heavy with sleep. Susannah, Doctor Anderson and the additional staff slowly released their hold on him. He stayed still. A nurse checked the leads on the monitor and the rate of the IV drip.

"Dad," Todd called out.

"What, pal? I'm right here," Sam soothed.

"Can you come to my game tomorrow?"

"Sure, Boomer. I'll be there. I'm so proud of you. I love you so much." Sam continued to stroke Todd's head. Todd looked a little puzzled. Then he smiled weakly and fell asleep. Susannah motioned for them all to step outside.

*****

Kevin came rushing over when he saw Sam and his mother step out of the cubicle Todd was in.

"God, he's so confused," Sam declared the second he and Viki exited the cubicle.

"His words were so slurred I had trouble understanding him," Viki stated. Her voice was shaking slightly, with fear.

Kevin put his arm around his mom's waist, for moral and physical support.

"Todd is still in a postictal state and he's heavily medicated. It's to be expected. Give it a little more time. He'll still be very sleepy for a while and that's good. We want him to sleep through the CT scan."

"But he's awake off and on. Susannah, he'll be terrified in that machine. You have to give him something. Please!"

"Viki, it's all right." Susannah took Viki's hand. She looked to assure Sam and Kevin as well. "I promise you Todd will not be aware of having the CT scan. I will be with him the whole time and so will Doctor Anderson. We won't let Todd suffer. I promise. He'll receive as much medication as he needs."

"He said his head was hurting and he was so nauseous. Is that from the medication or the seizure?" Viki wanted to know for sure.

"Both. His head hurts from the seizures and the medication. His nausea and dizziness are most likely caused by the medication," Doctor Anderson answered. "Let's step over here." Doctor Anderson pointed to some seats a few yards from the cubicle Todd was in. When they were all seated, he began. "Mrs. Carpenter, Mr. Rappaport, Mr. Buchanan, if you're up to it, I'd like to discuss the side effects to the anticonvulsant with you," Doctor Anderson offered.

"Doctor Ascher already told us that fosphenytoin can cause arrhythmias and Dilantin can cause some serious heart and blood problems. He said that the medication is probably why Todd is so nauseous and dizzy and that it may be adding to his confusion and disorientation," Sam stated.

"Yes. Unfortunately that's true. We are taking every precaution. We would be aware of the first sign of any problems. Once he's started on the oral phenytoin we have to get him up to a therapeutic dose. We will start out with as small a dose is possible. He may continue to have seizures until we find the right dosage for him," Doctor Anderson explained.

"Do you mean this status epil. . . " Kevin searched for the right word.

"Status epilepticus," Doctor Anderson helped him out and then explained. "No, just because this happened once doesn't mean it will happen again. It is possible that if he does have more seizures they can be simple partial or complex partial. Hopefully he won't have any more seizures, but that is often not the case until the patient is on the correct level of medication." Doctor Anderson turned to Susannah. "I'd like to start him out on a hundred milligram phenytoin, TID. Any chance he'll be compliant with oral meds?"

"Not much. We'll have to administer it through the NG tube," Susannah responded.

"We'll use Infatabs. I don't like using the suspension," Doctor Anderson instructed. He then turned to Todd's family. "Since Todd and the alters usually refuse oral meds we are going to use a crushable form called Dilantin Infatabs. They will be diluted in water and put in the NG tube. At this time, I think a divided dose of a hundred milligrams three times a day is preferable to one three hundred milligram dose."

"Once the Dilantin is up to therapeutic dose, will it definitely stop the seizures?" Kevin inquired.

"Hopefully he will get good control, but he may not. Some patients can have a beautiful Dilantin level in their blood and still not be under control, seizures still break through," Doctor Anderson answered honestly.

Sam and Viki were both feeling panic. "So what do you do if this doesn't control the seizures?" Sam asked nervously.

"We may try an other drug and keep him on a monotherapy or try polytherapies, by adding other medication without discontinuing the Dilantin," Doctor Anderson explained.

"Other than the problems Doctor Ascher mentioned, are there any other serious side effects we should look out for?" Kevin probed.

"Yes, Doctor Anderson. Please. We want to know every side effect of this medication. No matter how unlikely the side effect may be," Viki added.

"Be on the lookout for any kind of rash. You need to pay very close attention to oral hygiene. Phenytoin has been known to cause gingival hyperplasia, which is an overgrowth of the gums. As Doctor Ascher mentioned, there can be problems with the blood. There can be drastic reductions in all cellular elements of the blood. Todd is already experiencing some anemia. He will be watched very closely. He will have to have frequent blood tests, not only to check the phenytoin levels, but also his blood as well. Now this is extremely rare . . . the use of phenytoin has been associated with systemic lupus erythematosus, but as I sai . . ."

"NO! DON'T GIVE TODD ANY MORE OF THAT DRUG. I DON'T WANT TODD ON THAT DRUG!" Viki screamed.

At first they were all shocked by her outburst. Doctor Anderson didn't understand why Viki would become so upset over this when she didn't at the mention of the more common and more likely to be dangerous conditions that phenytoin could cause. Then Sam, Kevin and Susannah quickly remembered Megan.

Susannah tried to calm her. "Viki, I understand why the mention of lupus terrifies you. As Doctor Anderson said, it is extremely rare that phenytoin would cause that to happen. In addition to that, ninety percent of people who get lupus are females. You wanted to be made aware of any possible problem, no matter how unlikely. That is the only reason Doctor Anderson mentioned lupus."

Sam and Kevin each put a hand on one of Viki's shoulders. Viki was in too much of a panic to be able to comprehend what Susannah was saying. "No! Susannah, please! You know what happened to Megan. Please! Not Todd too!" Tears poured down Viki's face. "Doctor Anderson." Viki grabbed his hand. "Todd is like my child . . . he's my baby. I had a daughter who died from lupus. Please!" Viki's voice reached hysteria pitch.

Doctor Anderson saw how distraught Viki was. He knew how unlikely Todd getting lupus from the Dilantin was and wanted to impress that upon her. "Mrs. Carpenter. I only mentioned it because you all seemed to want to be informed of every possibility. Please, let me assure you that in my many years of practicing neurology, and prescribing phenytoin for seizures, I have only twice run into cases of there being a connection to lupus and that was in young women who may have had undiagnosed lupus when the phenytoin therapy was initiated. Please, I know it is easy to say, but don't worry about that too much. The rash and dental problems I mentioned are far more common, as is a worsening of his psychiatric problems. Not that it is encouraging to hear that."

"Can you swear to me that Todd won't get lupus?" Viki knew it was irrational to ask such a question. However she was panic-stricken. She remembered every minute of losing Megan to lupus and she was not about to let that happen to another one of her precious children.

"Can't you give Todd another drug that wouldn't have that as a possibility?" Sam tried.

"I'm sorry. All anticonvulsant have some serious side effects. There are many anticonvulsants. In my opinion, right now, Dilantin is the drug of choice for Todd. I can tell you that millions of patients are and have been on Dilantin and it has been around for a long time. These are potent drugs and there is risk with all of them. I have to caution you that the risk of uncontrolled seizures is far greater. I can't force you to allow Todd to receive phenytoin, but I cannot stress enough that the kind of seizures Todd had are life threatening. I don't mean to frighten all of you. If the status epilepticus had continued, his brain would have been deprived of oxygen and he could have easily succumbed to brain damage or death."

Viki looked into Sam's eyes and then into Kevin's. They saw by her tortured expression that she didn't know what to do.

"Can we have a minute?" Sam requested.

"Of course," Doctor Anderson replied.

"Sam, Kevin, you know what happened to Megan. How can I give them permission to use a drug on Todd that can cause that?"

"Mom, Doctor Anderson said that Todd getting lupus was so unlikely." Kevin knew that if that if Viki lost Todd because of a decision she made about his care she would never get over it. It would destroy her.

"Viki, I understand why the mention of lupus, above all the other potential problems, frightens you so and it does me too. Sam spoke softly. "I don't see that we have a choice." Sam knew, legally, he could make no decisions for Todd. Nevertheless, he did not want Viki to be solely responsible for this. Todd was "his child" too and he knew they had to make this decision together. "Viki, I know you're Todd's guardian and it will be your name giving them permission to administer this drug. If you want my opinion, I say let them give it to him. He can't continue to have seizures," Sam said flat out.

Viki looked at Kevin. "I agree with Sam," Kevin expressed. "Right now the most important thing is to stop the seizures."

"Viki, this isn't your decision alone. Todd is mine too. I think he should get the Dilantin," Sam said firmly. He was desperately trying to take the burden of the decision away from Viki. At the same time, he knew that if anything happened to Todd because of this decision, he would never forgive himself either.

"You know that this is most likely idiopathic or caused by an old lesion and will not just go away without and anticonvulsant. If Todd's family decides against the use of one, that boy is going to be in a lot of trouble," Doctor Anderson said to Susannah.

"I know. Give them a little time. I know they will make the right decision for Todd." Susannah was confident in their ability to see things clearly once the initial panic had worn off.

"Oh God! I don't know what to do," Viki cried plaintively.

Kevin took his mother in his arms. "Mom. Sam is right. Todd is his child too. I think he should have some say in this. It's not all up to you. I also think you have to give Todd every possible chance to have a normal life."

Viki looked into Kevin's eyes. She realized how much she had come to depend on him.

Sam put his hand on Viki's shoulder. "Viki, listen to Kevin. Listen to me. Even if the seizures weren't physically harmful to Todd, he has enough problems without this. There are so many people with epilepsy. Most of them probably take this kind of drug. It'll be all right."

Viki put her head down and thought for a moment. A vision of Megan passed through her mind. Viki shook her head to clear it. "All right. Let's go tell them."

Kevin kissed his mother on the cheek and hugged her tightly. He then released her to Sam's arms.

Sam stroked back Viki's hair and wiped away her remaining tears. He held her face in his hands. "Todd has been through worse and so have we. We're not going to let this hurt our kid. We'll do what we have to and he'll be okay." Sam wanted to believe what he just said with all his heart.

"All right. We will allow you to put him on Dilantin. First I need you promise me that you will stop it the second you notice anything that could put Todd at danger for any of the serious side effects you mentioned?"

"Yes, of course. First we do no harm, Mrs. Carpenter. If any drug or treatment is causing harm to a patient it will be stopped." Doctor Anderson wanted to make sure he was very clear on that.

"So, Todd will be monitored for everything you mentioned?" Sam asked, for reassurance as well as clarity.

"Yes. He will need frequent blood tests. If there are any problems with his blood we will catch it right away and try other medications. Unfortunately, many of them have the potential to cause serious problems with the blood, but they usually don't," Doctor Anderson stressed again.

"Will Todd have to be on an anticonvulsant for the rest of his life?" Kevin asked.

"Not necessarily. First we have to try to determine what caused the seizures. It looks doubtful that it was any of the medications he's been taking," Doctor Anderson continued to explain. No one was happy to hear that. They had all hoped it would turn out that it was one of the medications.

Viki looked at Doctor Anderson. "You still have no idea at all what caused the seizures?"

"At this point I'm inclined to believe there is some scarring in Todd's brain," he gave his educated guess.

"If that's the case, why didn't it show up on previous MRIs or CT scans?" Sam pointed out.

"Scar tissue usually has to be looked for, specifically. After an accident they are usually looking for a bleed. An MRI looks at cuts through various regions of the brain . . . actually, slices. The area of scarring may be so small that the slice they worked on missed it because they weren't looking for it. Therefore, the cuts of the previous MRIs may not have been deep enough to see an old lesion. I want to do the CT scan with contrast, to get the best pictures. Has Todd ever had a problem with dyes or with shellfish or anything containing iodine?" Doctor Anderson checked.

"No. Not that I know of. Are you afraid of an allergy?" Viki suspected.

"Some people are sensitive to the dye. We will take precautions and if there is any problem we'll be ready. In a few days, I'd also like to do an EEG on him. We don't do it right after a seizure. It is not painful or in anyway dangerous. An EEG is important because sometimes it can trace and identify a specific site at which damage to the brain has occurred. I've run some preliminary neurological tests on Todd and his reactions are fairly normal given that he is still postictal and that he has been given strong doses of lorazepam and fosphenytoin. I will do a more extensive workup on him when he is more alert."

They had all listened quietly to what Doctor Anderson had to say. Unfortunately it did little to calm their fears. "Do you have any suspicions that Todd might have a tumor or an aneurysm?" Viki pressed.

"No. I can't completely rule it out until we see the results of the CT scan and possibly an MRI . . . but no . . . I believe it is a result of an old brain injury. We may never know for sure. In at least thirty percent of patients with epilepsy the EEG comes out normal, unless they start seizing during the test." Doctor Anderson sighed and continued. "A big problem in Todd’s case is his preexisting psychiatric conditions. It is possible that some of the of the seizure medications can worsen his depression and increase the incidence of psychotic episodes and hallucinations."

"I would like to get Todd back on a neuroleptic and an antidepressant as soon as possible. We may have to switch to different ones. I will talk to you about that if I decide to switch him. We will go over the pros and cons of the ones I'd like to try with him," Susannah informed them.

"But he was starting to do better on the combination you had him on," Viki stated dishearteningly.

"Yes, I know," Susannah sadly admitted. "Keep in mind that some of the alters weren't getting any relief. Thomas was not handling the medication well at all. Now, while Todd's depression was lifting a little with the Paxil, Timmy and Tom seemed more depressed."

"Damn it! Todd was finally starting to talk to us. He was able to communicate. He knew who we were. It seems like he's already regressed. He had no idea who we were in there, just now," Sam declared.

Susannah knew it was true. Todd was finally showing some progress and she hated to lose that. Nonetheless, his physical health came first. "I know, Sam." Susannah gently acknowledged. "The way Todd is right now is not the result of discontinuation of medication. He just received his last dose of everything. Todd is still postictal and heavily medicated. That is what you are seeing in there. Hopefully, if I do have to try a new combination, Todd will get at least as much or more relief from it." Susannah hoped with all her heart that would turn out to be true.

A nurse came out to let them know Todd was vomiting again and that he was calling for his mother. Viki closed her eyes and sighed in anguish. She and Sam rushed to Todd's side. Doctor Anderson went in to have a look at him. He was still retching and moaning when they got there.

Kevin pulled Susannah aside. "Tell me the truth. Is he in danger? Can he die from this disease?"

"Kevin, Todd is not going to die from this. We have it under control. Epilepsy is not a disease. It is not something you catch or can give to someone else. It is a disorder. Millions of people have it and go on to live long, productive, full lives with it."

"Todd likes to be active . . . I-I mean before he became so sick." Kevin hated to think that Todd would end up an invalid.

Susannah knew she and Doctor Anderson needed to sit down and erase all the misconceptions Kevin and most likely Sam, Viki, Blair and Téa had about epilepsy. She also knew that most of all Todd had to be made to understand this disorder, if it were determined that he was indeed epileptic. "Kevin, there is no reason Todd can't be just as active as he was before. His other conditions might make that more prohibitive than epilepsy. Epileptics can do just about anything they want if their seizures are under control. Driving or piloting a plane may be a problem. Many epileptics can get permission to drive in most states. Why don't we wait for a definite diagnosis? I would like to have all of you together at that point and explain it to you then. Is that all right?"

"Sure. Okay," Kevin responded. "I'm still holding out hope that it the one of the drugs and once it's stopped there will be no more seizures," he added.

Doctor Anderson came out. "He's all right. His pressure is up a little and that's good."

"Can't you give him something for the nausea?" Kevin hated to think of Todd feeling so bad.

"I really don't want to give him an antiemetic right now. The drugs that work best against nausea might contribute to some of his other symptoms or may mask some. The nausea should ease in a while. In-between bouts he is resting comfortably." Doctor Anderson then turned to Susannah. "I'm going to my office for a little while. I'll be back before they send him upstairs for the CT scan." Doctor Anderson patted Kevin on the arm and left.

"Listen, do you think it is safe for me to leave for a while . . . I mean Todd is throwing up because of the medicine and the seizure and that's normal after effects, right?" Kevin asked anxiously. Susannah assured him that those were most likely the causes and it would be all right to leave for a while. "I'll be in the family lounge if anyone needs me. I want to check on Téa and see how she's doing," Kevin informed Susannah.

"Okay. I'll tell your mom and Sam when they get Todd settled down again," Susannah promised.

Kevin headed for the lounge and Susannah headed in to see how Todd was doing.

*****

Todd was lying back. A low moan was emitted every few seconds. His eyes were closed. Viki was patting his forehead, cheeks and neck with a cool washcloth. Sam was holding his hand. They were both talking soothingly to him.

"Does that feel a little better, sweetheart?"

"Mama. I don't feel good. Do I have to go to school tomorrow? Can I stay home with you?" Todd pleaded.

Viki hesitated for a moment. She was still having a hard time understanding Todd's slurred speech. Then she realized what he had asked. "Yes, baby. You can stay with me all day. I love to have you with me," Viki responded. She kissed Todd's cheek. He fell back asleep again.

Susannah took a look at the monitor. "He's doing okay. Cardiology will be checking him out in a little while. They'll do a cardiogram." She then told them where Kevin would be.

Susannah noticed Sam's eyebrows rose slightly when she mentioned that Kevin had gone to the lounge to be with Téa. Susannah decided, when the time was right, she would ask Sam what was troubling him. "I'll be sitting at the nurses station if you need me," Susannah informed them. "Why don't you both take turns going to the lounge and getting some rest yourself? I'll be here and I will call you immediately if there's a problem."

"We will, in a little while," Viki promised Susannah.

"We just want to stay with him a little longer," Sam added. He stroked Todd's head lovingly.

Susannah realized they both needed that. They needed to be able to see and touch their child. They needed to watch him breath and hear his heart beat normally. Right now that was doing them more good than rest would. "Sure. Whenever you're ready," Susannah replied. She headed to the nurses station to get off her feet for a little while.

Kevin entered the lounge quietly. At first he didn't see Téa. Then he saw her, in the corner bed, sound asleep. He noticed a notepad and a pen that Téa had apparently rested on the floor when she felt herself dozing off. Kevin looked at. Téa had already started compiling a list of places to gather information on epilepsy. Included on the list were the Internet, the medical library, The Epilepsy Foundation and the Health and Science reporter at the Banner. Kevin looked down at Téa. Some of her long shiny hair had fallen into her face as she slept, curled up on her right side. Téa had not disturbed the bed she was sleeping on. She lay on top of the blanket. Kevin noticed some linens on a shelf in the corner. He took a blanket down and gently arranged it over her.

*****

"Tee. Tee, come and look. Daddy is building me a dollhouse," Téa heard Starr call out in her dream. Téa saw herself coming down the stairs. Todd knelt by the most magnificent dollhouse she had ever seen. It was the kind Téa had always wanted as a little girl. She had seen one like it once, when she was seven. Her grandmother had taken her to Macy's, at Christmas time, to have her picture taken with Santa. There in the toy department was this incredible lifelike dollhouse with a whole family of dolls inside. Téa's grandmother had allowed her to play with it for a few minutes. She told Téa she would be looking for some boys’ presents for one of her friend's grandchildren. Téa loved being able to reach inside and arrange the dolls in the rooms. She put the little girl doll in her bed in the nursery and then had the mama doll sit next to her and cuddle her. She had the mama doll tell the little girl doll how much she loves her and then tell her a story. Téa had gotten so involved with the dolls and the dollhouse; she forgot she was in the middle of a toy department and that her grandmother was waiting nearby.

"Well, maybe you can ask Santa to bring this to you for Christmas?"

Startled, Téa looked up and saw a saleswoman standing there. Téa knew neither her grandmother nor her father would ever be able to afford such and elaborate dollhouse. "I was just looking at it, ma'am," Téa declared. She felt her face flush with embarrassment. She noticed how well dressed the saleswoman was. While her grandmother's clothes were clean and neat, they far from luxurious. Téa stood up and looked around for her grandmother. She was nowhere to be seen. Téa panicked. She thought she had been abandoned. She ran through the aisles. Tears poured down her cheeks. A woman who was shopping with her two daughters approached Téa and asked her if she were lost. That word cut deep into Téa's heart as that was what she felt every day of her life . . . lost. She nodded. The woman took her to a security guard who took her to an office.

After hearing what Téa had to say, they called her grandmother over the store loudspeaker. Her grandmother had been frantically looking for her. She had imagined the worst. In her distraught state, her grandmother spoke harshly to Téa, in Spanish, the second she saw her. Then Téa's grandmother hugged her to her tightly and thanked God that her Téa was safe. She thanked the Macy's employee who had been watching Téa in the office.

Instead of a gracious "you're welcome," the woman said, "I wish you people would keep a closer eye on your children when you shop here."

Téa saw the hurt and embarrassment in her grandmother's eyes and instantly hated the woman who put it there. She also felt guilty because she had gotten lost and caused her grandmother to look bad in front of this woman. Téa vowed to herself that when she grew up she was going to have millions and millions of dollars and she would buy ten of those dollhouses and buy her grandmother a thousand outfits as nice as the one the saleslady had been wearing.

Now, in her dream, Téa saw that dollhouse and Todd had built it for Starr. Téa was so happy that her little girl was going to have what she had only dreamed of. She knew she would spend many long hours playing with Starr and that dollhouse.

As Téa and Starr came down the stairs, Todd held his arms out to both of them. "How's my two best girls?" he asked. He was smiling. He stood tall and healthy. Téa took Starr's hand. She loved the feel of that small hand in hers. They both rushed to Todd's arms. Todd lifted Starr to him. With Starr sandwiched between them, he enveloped both her and Téa in the warmest hug Téa had ever felt in her life. For the first time she knew total joy and happiness. Téa had her arm around Todd and felt his silky hair in her hand as she laid her head on his shoulder. She continued to feel Starr's tiny hand in hers.

Kevin noticed Téa was hugging herself and that she was grasping some of her hair in her hand. He gently brushed back most of the hair that had fallen in her face. Kevin looked at Téa. He took in her loveliness. He noticed she was smiling in her sleep. He didn't want to disturb her. If she were having a good dream in the midst of all this, he didn't want to interrupt it. In Téa's dream, Starr had gone to her room to get some more of her dolls. Kevin gently caressed Téa's cheek and whispered, "sweet dreams."

In her dream, it was Todd caressing her cheek. She looked into Todd's hazel eyes and found the love she had been looking for all her life. "Can I have my Christmas present now?" Todd asked her. His eyes twinkled.

"Yes!" Téa exclaimed. She drew Todd to her.

Kevin was just about to stand up and sit in one of the reclining chairs when he felt Téa reach for his hand and draw him to her. Téa felt Todd's warm, full lips on her hers. Her entire body felt encased in Todd's love. Kevin was shocked when Téa, her eyes still closed in sleep, put her arms around him, placed her lips on his and started to kiss him.

TO BE CONTINUED