"Mommy makes a cake and puts candles in it. We have to eat some of it quick and throw it away before daddy comes home. Mommy buys us a present but we have to hide it so daddy don't see it. Daddy'll get mad at mommy too if he finds out. Mommy kisses us and says 'Happy birthday darling, I love you very much.' I don't want mommy to get hurt," Timmy whimpered as some tears fell.

*************************************************************************************************************

On New Year's Day Susannah awoke to find Timmy still sleeping peacefully in her arms. She lowered him slowly and gently to the bed and pulled the covers up over him. She stood up and stretched. Her arms were a little stiff and sore.

Viki and Sam spent most of the night in the lounge. Viki went home around six in the morning to shower and change. Sam would do the same when she returned. They did not both want to go at the same time, in case Todd came back. Sam was heading to Todd's room when he saw Susannah walking out. He once again thanked her for the wonderful New Year's Eve she had given Viki and him.

Sam kissed Susannah on the cheek and said, "Thank you for everything. Not just for the arrangements you made, but for everything." Susannah knew what he meant.

It was once again Timmy who woke up, at a quarter to eight in the morning. Sam was sitting by his bed. Susannah had also gone to shower and change. Both Terry and Connie were off for the day. A nurse named Ellen was pulling a double shift. She was standing above Timmy's bed changing the bag on his IV when he woke up.

Timmy, seeing a stranger's face, became frightened. He tried to get away from her. Luckily, Sam was there to stop him before he jumped off the bed. Sam calmed him down and explained to him that some of his regular nurses had the day off because it was a holiday. He and Ellen also made sure he knew she wouldn't hurt him.

Timmy did not want the Frosted Flakes or the rest of the breakfast that was brought to him. He didn't even want the milk or juice, complaining, "My tummy feels extra funny."

Susannah came back to the room and joined Sam in trying to coax Timmy to eat. Sam went to the pantry and made him a Fluffernutter. He knew Timmy liked that and hoped he would eat. Timmy refused that too, saying, "I like the way mommy makes it."

They realized he was talking about Viki. Perhaps, his "extra" upset stomach had to do with the fact that Viki was not around, although Susannah worried that it might be the new medication. Susannah and Sam gave up trying to get Timmy's breakfast in him for the time being.

Carl was on duty. He got Timmy washed and dressed. Timmy wanted to go to the art room. Unfortunately Susannah had to tell him that both the art room and the playroom were closed because the therapists who ran them were off for the day. Sam finally got Timmy interested in one of his new coloring books. After coloring for a while, Timmy curled up on the floor and fell asleep. Sam placed a pillow under Timmy's head and covered him with a blanket.

Viki came back at ten. She went to Susannah's office to thank her for last night. "Everything was perfect. It was one of the best New Year's Eve's of my life. I don't know how I can ever thank you enough for doing that."

Susannah's smiled warmly. "I'm just glad that your night wasn't interrupted." Susannah then asked, "Are you and Sam planning anything for Todd's birthday?"

"Well, given Timmy's reaction to the mention of celebrating Todd's birthday and considering the fact that Todd never seemed to want to acknowledge it, I don't think it would be wise to make too much of it."

Susannah nodded. "I totally agree," she said.

"It doesn't seem that Peter allowed Todd to have any good memories of anything in his life, birthdays, Christmas. For Todd, it was just another occasion to be tortured," Viki added. Susannah nodded in agreement to that too. Viki saw the sad look in Susannah's eyes.

"We don't want to get Todd a cake because that would probably stir up too many painful associations. We know that Timmy and some of the others like cupcakes. We thought we'd bring in some cupcakes for everyone and few presents. We got some things for Todd . . . but if he does come back I don't think he will even be aware of them or be able to see them for that matter," Viki added, sadly.

Timmy was happy to see Viki there when he woke up. She was able to get him to eat three quarters of a Fluffernutter and drink some milk, but then he then he threw up.

"I gotta clean it up! Daddy's gonna punish me. He's gonna make me lick it up, " Timmy wailed.

"No, oh sweetheart no. Timmy daddy's not here." Viki said as she tried to pull him towards her and away from the mess on the floor.

"Carl! Ellen! Timmy is throwing up." Viki called out as she held onto Timmy. Carl came rushing into the room immediately followed by Ellen and Lisa, who were also on duty today. They quickly got Timmy to the bed. He was crying weakly that he had to clean up the mess or he'd be punished.

"Daddy's gonna punish me," Timmy continued to cry, "I gotta clean it up." He struggled to get away from their hold. "If daddy sees I'll get punished." Timmy insisted. Tears poured down his face.

"Timmy, I'm going to get the floor cleaned up right now," Ellen promised, "Your daddy will not punish you."

Carl went into the bathroom he came out and washed Timmy's face and hands off with a cool washcloth.

"There we go Timmy, does that feel a little better?" Carl asked. Housekeeping came in and cleaned the floor. Timmy started to calm down.

Timmy didn't look good. His skin was sallow and his eyes were glazed.

"Is Kevin coming today?" Timmy asked, hopefully.

"I don't think so sweetheart, but I know he'll come to see you soon."

She could see that Timmy was disappointed. She asked him if he wanted to play with his toys but he chose to watch TV. Some of the cartoons he liked weren't on. They found something he liked on the Cartoon Network. Timmy cuddled up next to Viki as usual. After about half and hour, he fell asleep again. Viki was a little concerned. Timmy seemed to be sleeping more than usual. She didn't even bother to wake him when the lunch was brought in. She knew he wouldn't be able to eat it.

He finally woke around two in the afternoon. Sam was back. Susannah had gone home to take care of some things. Timmy still did not want any lunch. He also did not want to play. He just wanted to stay in bed. Sam and Viki were getting concerned. Viki felt his head. It was cool. He didn't seem sick though, he seemed depressed.

"What's the matter buddy," Sam asked as Timmy curled up next to him when Sam sat on his bed. "Don't you feel well?" Timmy just shrugged and put his head on Sam's shoulder.

They were all surprised to see Blair come into the room. "I thought I'd come by and wish Todd a happy New Year," she explained.

"Blair, have you officially met Timmy," Viki asked, letting Blair know who was out.

Viki had told her about Timmy so Blair knew she was dealing with a four-year-old. "Well, I don't believe I've had the pleasure. Hi Timmy, my name is Blair."

Timmy stared up at her for a few seconds. "You're Starr's mommy," Timmy remembered, surprising them.

"That's right. So you know Starr?"

"We had tea parties together. I like playing with Starr," Timmy volunteered.

They could see that Blair was a little taken back by this. "Did you get to play with Starr a lot?" Blair asked.

"I don't remember," Timmy answered honestly.

"Blair, you know Starr was always safe with her father," Viki stated, realizing that it might upset Blair to know that Starr was in the care of a four year old, at times.

"I'm sure Todd or one of the adult alters would have come right back if there had been a problem," Sam added.

Timmy looked up at Blair and asked, "Don't you like me?"

"Well cutie pie, of course I like you. I even brought you something. I know tomorrow is your birthday," Blair said, taking a wrapped box out of the shopping bag she had brought in with her. Inside was a huge, beautifully illustrated book about birds. Blair was not sure who would be out and she knew that Todd loved animals, especially birds.

"I don't know if it's my birthday, too." Timmy confessed before he took the present.

"Oh that's okay cutie pie. I got it for all of you. Timmy reached for it and then pulled his hand back. He looked around. Sam and Viki understood what was frightening him.

"Is something wrong, cutie pie?" Blair asked, concerned by his reaction.

Sam knew what the problem was and spoke soothingly, "Timmy, it's okay. No one will punish you for taking the present. No one will throw it away or hurt mommy. Go ahead, take it. It's all right. Daddy's not here."

Timmy hesitated another moment and then he took the book from Blair. "Thank you."

"Well, you're very welcome, cutie," Blair responded. She stroked Timmy's cheek.

Timmy started to look through the book. The text was not age appropriate for him, but he certainly enjoyed looking at the pictures. Blair stayed for a while and read from the book to him. Once again Timmy started to fall asleep. Viki was really starting to worry. Blair watched as Sam tucked Timmy into the bed. She looked at his innocent, childlike face and at his frail body and wondered if Todd was lost to her and to Starr forever.

Viki walked Blair to the elevators. Assuring her, once again, that Starr was never in danger when she was with Todd.

"Oh Viki, I know that. It just takes some getting used to. Give Todd a kiss for me if he comes out tomorrow," Blair requested and got on the elevator.

Viki went back to Todd's room. When Susannah showed up, Viki and Sam thanked her once again for the wonderful night she had given them. Viki told her about Timmy's fatigue and upset stomach. "He just can't seem to stay awake for long."

"It is probably the new antidepressant. It is more sedating than the last one and does have the potential for stomach upset. I'll be checking his levels tomorrow. I might have to reduce the dosage. Viki told Susannah about Blair's visit. She mentioned her concerns that Blair might be uncomfortable about Starr being with Todd.

"Viki, I really hate to say this . . . " Susannah sighed, "Unfortunately I think it will be quite some time before that becomes an issue."

Sadly, Viki realized that was true. Who knew when Todd would next see Starr. The way things were going it might be a very long time.

"I've scheduled a session for Todd to meet with Ryan Morgan for the morning of the third, at eleven. For just this first session I thought it would be a good idea if you and Sam were present."

"We'll be there," Sam promised. "Susannah, do you plan on trying to pull Todd to the front if he's not out when the therapist gets here?"

"If I have to. I'm hoping Todd will be out," Susannah replied.

Timmy awoke around five. He was still quiet and listless. Susannah came to his room when she heard he was awake. "Hi sweetie, I hear you don't feel so good today." Timmy shrugged his shoulders. Susannah sat down on the bed. "Can you tell me what you're feeling?" Timmy cuddled next to her and closed his eyes again. "Timmy, don't you want to try to stay awake for a while? How would you like to put together a puzzle with me?" Susannah suggested.

Timmy looked up at Susannah. "Starr's mommy got us a bird book."

"I would love to read that with you," Susannah responded cheerfully. "Sweetie, would you like to go get it?"

Timmy crawled off the bed, stood up and passed out. Sam caught him before he fell and hurt himself. After examining him, Susannah assured a terrified Sam and Viki that what he had was called orthostatic hypotension. Upon rising, his blood pressure had dropped significantly. Susannah knew he was not reacting well to the new medication and she would, once again, have to change it.

Timmy was confused when he woke up. "Everybody went away."

"No, we didn't sweetie. You just went to sleep for a few minutes. I think you'd better stay in bed for the rest of the day. It's not too far from your bedtime anyway."

Timmy did not argue with her. He turned over and went to sleep. Susannah discontinued his medications for the night. She knew even without it he would sleep fairly well because of the residual sedation.

Sam had to leave to meet with Téa. He needed to make sure they had everything in order for their meeting with Bo. Viki would be spending the night with Timmy. She wanted to make sure that Sam gave his full attention to preparing for his meeting. She also wanted to make sure he got a good night's sleep.

Susannah came in to check on Timmy before she went home for the night.

"I'm really frightened about Sam and Tea seeing Bo," Viki admitted, and then added, "You know Sam and I have discussed it. We really will take Todd out of the country if we have to."

"I know," Susannah confirmed, "I want you to know I will help you if it comes to that." Viki took Susannah's hand. The two women knew that protecting Todd was their top priority.

Bo was surprised when Sam had called him and asked to set up an appointment. He figured it had something to do with Todd, especially when Sam asked him not to mention anything to Nora about the meeting.

Sam and Téa arrived at Police Headquarters at ten minutes before ten in the morning. Bo led them into his office. "Sam, I assume you and Tea are here to talk about Todd," Sam nodded and sat down.

"Bo, you know that Susannah took Todd out to Asa's lodge . . ."

"Yeah, I got the keys to Susannah," Bo interrupted Sam, "She thought being where Georgie was killed would somehow help Todd. I have to say, I never really understood that. I mean, Georgie was a stranger to Todd, wasn't she?" Bo inquired.

"Todd never met Georgie until the night she died," Tea informed.

"So how did she become important enough for him to have a breakdown over her death?"

Sam began to answer. "Bo, it wasn't really Georgie that caused Todd to fall apart. Georgie reminded Todd of something that happened in his past. Bo, Todd has DID."

Bo just looked at Sam for a moment. "He has the same thing Viki had?" Bo was shocked.

Sam nodded and asked, "Bo, do you remember my going in to talk to Todd when he was in the cabana?"

"Of course I do," Bo replied.

Sam took a deep breath and began to tell Bo everything. "When I was in there I asked Todd about a night that happened a long time ago, something that happened on the night of Todd's fourteenth birthday. On that night I went to Todd's house to bring him a birthday present. Todd was not allowed to have visitors, but his father was supposed to be home late that night. When I got there the door was open, slightly. I heard shouting from inside. It sounded like Todd, but not really. When I went inside I saw Todd with his hands around Peter's throat and Todd was trying to choke the life out of him. I pulled Todd off of Peter and turned him around. I swear to you Bo, it was not the same kid. He looked at me as if he didn't know me . . . and then his eyes . . . I'm telling you, Bo, the first thing I thought was, 'This is not the same kid.'"

Bo could see how difficult this was for Sam. He noticed how tense Téa was as Sam spoke. Bo sat quietly and waited for him to continue. Sam paused for another breath and went on.

"Neither Todd nor Peter wanted to talk about what happened. Peter said something about Todd getting angry over something he said to one of Todd's school friends. Then he pretty much told me to mind my own business. Peter never left me alone with Todd for a minute. The next day I asked Todd about it and all he said was that his friend Michelle came to his house with a birthday cake and Peter came home early and threw the cake on the floor and embarrassed him in front of Michelle. He begged me to never mention that night again. I knew something horrible had to have happened to make him try to kill Peter that way. Up until then, Todd was the sweetest kid you could know. Obedient, polite, smart, funny, considerate. Anyway, against my better judgment, I promised him I would not mention it. I kept that promise, until the night in the cabana. I asked Todd about that night . . ."

"That was when Todd threw me out the door," Téa told Bo.

Sam nodded and continued, "I tried to make Todd remember that night. At first, he told me the same thing he told me the day after his birthday. That Peter threw the cake down and called Michelle names and humiliated him in front of her. When I pushed him, he remembered that after Michelle left Peter started to play one of his little games with Todd."

"Games?" Bo asked.

"Peter used to make Todd hold his hand over the flame of a cigarette lighter for a minute. If Todd pulled his hand away before the minute was up the punishment got worse. This night, Peter decided to play the game differently. He wanted to 'experiment.' He told Todd he wanted to see how long he could hold his hand over the flame. This night, for the first time, Todd said, 'No!' Peter went ballistic."

Bo could see that Sam was getting more upset as he spoke. "You know I saw Todd with his father," Bo remembered, "I could see that Todd was terrified of him. I knew Peter was a cold son of a bitch, but I didn't know he abused Todd like that."

"Like that! Bo, that was one of the kinder things he did to Todd. I want you to see something," Sam took some reports out of his briefcase. He handed Bo Todd's medical records that he had subpoenaed from Doctor Evans office. Bo studied them for a while. Sam pointed to the numerous sections that mentioned broken bones, burns, an infection Todd developed when he was six, from a puncture wound to his chest, anal tearing and damage to the anal canal and bruises and burns to the genitals.

Bo shook his head from side to side. He squeezed his eyes shut and placed his hand over them. "Are you saying that Peter did all this to Todd? That he abused him sexually as well as physically?

Tea bit her lip to keep from crying. Sam nodded and answered Bo's question. "Probably from the time Todd was four. You can see the injuries that indicate sodomy started appearing when Todd had just turned four years old."

"Susannah believes that's when Todd first dissociated," Téa explained.

"The physical abuse and possibly other forms of sexual abuse most likely started earlier," Sam added.

Bo look down at the report, "There's nothing after Todd was nine," he noticed.

"Todd's mother left when he was nine. Peter never took him to see Evans."

"Wait a minute! You're telling me that Evans and Todd's mother knew about all this," Bo asked waving the report in his hand, "and did nothing to stop it. Todd's mother let Peter abuse him? She did nothing to help him?" Bo couldn't believe this. He didn't want to believe this.

"She told him to think of something else and pretend to be somewhere else while he was being tortured. She told him if he did, it wouldn't hurt so much," Sam answered, bitterly.

"Oh God," Bo murmured. He looked like he was going to be sick, "What about Evans? How could he not report that Peter pretty damn near killed that kid?"

"Doctor Evans was a friend of Todd's mother. He didn't want to get Todd taken away from her. Sam has already had Evans brought up on charges. His license has been revoked," Téa informed him.

"So, Susannah thinks that's what caused the DID?" Bo wanted clarity.

"Bo, in all likelihood Peter started abusing Todd from the day he adopted him. He had already been beating Barbara for years. Another child, a little girl, had been taken away from them. Todd had probably already been physically abused for years before the sexual abuse started. The alters were probably inside him. He just didn't splinter until the sexual abuse," Sam explained.

This was almost too much for Bo to comprehend. "Sam, you're telling me that over the years that I have known Todd I could have been dealing with another personality?"

"Many times. It was a personality named Pete who may have been out some of the time when Todd took us hostage. He admitted it."

"Pete?" Bo asked.

"Pete is fourteen. He's angry and violent. He feels nothing but rage. He doesn't even feel pain," Sam informed him.

"Is that why he was able to injure himself the way he did when he was in Statesville, because he didn't feel it?" Sam nodded. "The little kid Todd turned into in the jail cell, was he an alter?"

"That was Timmy. Timmy is four years old. He was probably the first alter to come out, when Todd was four," Téa answered.

"Okay, let me get this straight," Bo said, " Todd has this violent personality, Pete, who's fourteen and this frightened little boy personality, who's four."

"Bo, so far Todd has eleven alters that we know about and more of them seem to show up all the time," Sam stated. He could see the shocked look on Bo's face. "Todd's alters run the gamut from a five month old baby to an old lady. Most of them are children some are not. There is one personality who is suicidal. He cannot bear to be touched in any way. The slightest human touch causes him excruciating pain. Most of them suffer from depression. Todd suffers from severe depression. At times it's so bad he can't communicate. He goes into his own world and no one can reach him. There is so much that report doesn't say. Those are only the injuries that Evan's saw and only the things that happened to Todd until he was nine. It doesn't address the emotional torture that Peter put him through.

" Sam looked towards Téa before he continued. He wanted to see how she was holding up. Téa was as strong as Sam had hoped she would be. Sam continued.

"Bo, Peter killed Todd's dog when Todd was seven because Peter heard an emergency room doctor asking him, well actually asking Tom a seven-year-old alter, how he got hurt. This was to teach Todd to never tell the secrets. He punished him for drawing pictures for him. He beat him and burned his genitals for wetting the bed."

Bo winced as Sam went on with his list of atrocities that had been done to this child. "Todd's mother came to see Todd the day before she died. Peter refused and threw her out of the house. Todd witnessed this. That's when Jimmy, the suicidal alter, came out for the first time. He has blamed himself, all these years, for not helping his mother."

Sam and Téa both noticed that Bo had tears in his eyes. "How did he survive all that?" Bo asked.

"Todd's a fighter, Bo. You know that."

"Unfortunately, he is losing his strength to fight," Téa said.

"And everything we've just told you is just the tip of the iceberg," Sam commented and continued. "I'm sure you realize we didn't come here today just to tell you about the abuse Todd suffered."

Bo looked into Sam's eyes. "Something happened in that lodge, didn't it?"

"Yeah," Sam answered and nodded. "Susannah thought there was some connection between Georgie's death and the disappearance of Todd's friend Michelle."

"Disappearance?" Bo repeated.

Sam was still so unsure about going to Bo with this. He knew he had to trust Bo. He continued. "Michelle disappeared the night of Todd's birthday. She was never found." Sam handed Bo copies of the newspaper articles Susannah brought back from Chicago. Bo studied them.

"Who is this Judge Connor?" Bo inquired as he looked at the papers in front of him.

"He was a retired judge who was somehow connected to Peter Manning. He claimed to see Michelle late that night. Coincidentally, just around the time I was at Todd's house," Sam informed Bo.

Bo started to understand where this was going and he didn't like it. "Are you saying that Todd or Peter did something to Michelle? That she never, really, made it home that night?"

Sam knew this was it. Once Bo heard the tape there was no going back. "Bo I want you to listen to this," Sam took a microcassette recorder out of his briefcase. "This was recorded the day Susannah took Todd to the lodge," Téa said.

Bo was shocked as he heard Timmy's voice on the tape. Stopping it for a minute, he asked, "Is that the little boy who was in the cell downstairs? Is he the one who was crying for his mommy?"

"Yeah," Sam confirmed.

Bo just shook his head and turned the tape recorder back on. Bo heard Susannah hypnotize Timmy. He heard how afraid Todd was of coming out. He heard Todd remember his past birthday's and he heard the agony of the night of Todd's fourteenth birthday.

When the tape ran out no one moved to shut off the recorder. Bo sat very still, trying to digest what he had just heard. Sam and Téa noticed Bo's hands were trembling as he lifted the right one to his eyes to wipe away the tears that had formed.

Bo thought back to all the times that he had made it his life's work to go after Todd and of all the times he accused Todd of crimes he didn't commit. He thought of how his family tried to pin Georgie's murder on Todd.

"Oh man! Sam, I didn't know. I never would have . . . I didn't know."

"Bo, none of us knew. Todd didn't know. He had no idea what was wrong with him. He only knew he lost time and heard voices." Sam explained.

"Does he know now?" Bo asked in a broken voice.

"About the DID, yes. He doesn't really believe it, but Susannah has told him about that part of his diagnosis. Now, about what he disclosed at the lodge, absolutely not," Sam explained, "He has no idea what happened to Michelle that night. The alter who also calls himself Todd was the one who remembered. Pete remembers. Todd has no idea."

"Bo, Todd has been very sick, physically, since the lodge. He went into shock after telling what happened and then, when Susannah tried to talk to him about being there, he went blind," Téa filled Bo in.

"BLIND!" Bo could not believe what he was hearing. "You're telling me that Todd Manning is blind?"

"It's hysterical blindness. Doctor Hanen calls it a conversion disorder," Téa continued. "Todd is the only one suffering from it. The alters can all see."

Bo was having trouble digesting one piece of Todd's tragic life after another.

"Bo," Sam began, "Todd's terror of remembering that night and the guilt he feels over Michelle's death not only caused him to go blind but caused an infant alter to come out. This baby was out for over two weeks before he got sick. He could do nothing but lay in bed and suck his thumb. It was because he spent so much time in bed that he got pneumonia and nearly died. He had two seizures and went into cardiac arrest. They asked Viki to sign a DNR. No one thought he'd pull through. Even now he is still physically sick. He seemed a little better around Christmas time. In fact Susannah let him, well Timmy and Tom, come home for the holiday. Then Todd came back and in the few days he was out he reversed all the progress that was made while the alters were out. Todd and many of the alters have no appetite or they have nervous stomachs. They don't want to eat. Todd's body has become very weak. Susannah had him on a feeding tube for a while and she may have to put him back on it. He is very anemic. His heart and kidneys have weakened. His electrolytes are all messed up. Just the other night he passed out when he stood up."

"Sam! My God! Is he all right?" Téa asked, not having heard about this before now.

"Yes, his blood pressure dropped because of the new antidepressant Susannah has him on. She stopped it and will try a different one, " Sam informed Téa.

Bo did not want to hear any more. His mind was spinning. It didn't seem possible that they were talking about the Todd Manning he knew.

CONTINUED IN PART 43B

COPYRIGHT 1999 R/S

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