PURGATORY - PART FIVE

PURGATORY - PART FIVE

PREVIOUSLY

Téa stared after him, blinking back angry tears and wondering why she always let Todd get to her. Across the room, John Sykes smiled encouragement at her. Slowly, she sank into a desk chair and pulled the case file toward her. Checking to be sure that no one was watching, she reached out a tentative finger and traced Todd’s features on the new mug shot.

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Todd paced back and forth, trying to remember how many times he had been forced to endure the same filthy holding cell. It was more times than he could count, given the frequency of his run-ins with the law. He was wound up tighter than a spring, and worried about his up-coming encounter with Sam Rappaport. There was nothing Todd hated more than being confronted by his victims, and there was no doubt that he had hurt Sam badly with his lies. He cursed whoever had tipped off the cops that he was back in Llanview, because he didn’t feel ready for all this yet. Maybe…after a few months more he would have been strong enough, but not now. He stopped for a moment, closing his eyes and taking deep breaths and he could almost hear a calm, assured voice telling him, “Don’t blame them for their anger, Todd. You’re going to have to ask for their forgiveness before you can begin to forgive yourself and move on with your life.” No, he definitely didn’t feel ready, but he realized the time was upon him whether he liked it or not. If he was going to ask for Sam’s help, he had to confront what he had done to hurt him. He sank to the lower bunk, stretching out his long legs in front of him. The waiting was especially tough, because it reminded him of all the times he had had to await his punishment in Peter Manning’s study. His sadistic adopted father would often leave him sweating it out for hours, while he made liberal use of the bourbon bottle to think up new, more cruel humiliations to heap upon his unfortunate son. As he heard the guard slip the key in the lock of the outer door, Todd experienced the same sick feeling he had had in the study when he knew the waiting was over and the torture was about to begin. He rose unsteadily to his feet, combing his hair back nervously with his fingers.

He gasped audibly as he realized that Sam and the guard were not alone. Following along behind them was the unmistakably formidable presence of his older sister, Victoria Lord Carpenter. “Oh God, no!” thought Todd. “Not both of them at once.” Momentarily caught off balance, he clung to the bed frame for support. He recovered quickly and adopted his usual, nonchalant posture with his arms crossed loosely in front of him, silently hoping that Sam and Viki couldn’t detect his discomfort or hear the pounding of his heart. A long, silent moment passed as the guard locked the two guests into the cell, then retreated through the outer gate.

Feeling completely vulnerable, Todd went for the pre-emptive strike. “What are you doing here, Viki?” he snarled. “Just couldn’t wait to spank me too?”

Viki didn’t bat an eyelash. “Nice to see you, too, Little Brother,” she said good-naturedly. “Actually, Sam was kind enough to call and give me the news of your rather disappointing home-coming, and I thought I’d come down and see for myself that you are all right. But believe me, I’m not here to lecture you. After last year, I promised myself I wouldn’t get involved with the details of your life again.”

Todd felt frozen by the coldness he heard in her voice. No longer able to meet her icy gaze, he looked sadly down at the floor. “And you, Coach?” he asked, turning to his attorney.

“Same for me, Pal. I don’t know how I got myself talked into helping you tonight after I vowed I was through with you, but here I am. This is it, though. Our agreement is that you get another attorney after tomorrow. Is that clear?”

“Oh yeah. You’re real clear. Both of you.” He turned away and leaned his elbows on the top bunk. Todd couldn’t believe how much it hurt to realize that both Viki and Sam had lost faith in him. “So what now?” he spat in anger, hoping to cover his pain.

“Well, for starters it would be nice if you could tell us where you’ve been for five months. A call once in a while wouldn’t have hurt that much, would it?” asked Sam.

“I’m not ready for this-I can’t do it,” thought Todd, giving into panic. He covered his eyes with his hands, taking a deep breath. As he turned toward Sam and Viki with a look of total misery on his face, Viki felt the familiar protective instinct kick in deep inside of her. She waited in silence as Todd obviously fought with himself over what he wanted to say. “Don’t laugh,” he warned, despite the fact that neither member of his audience looked at all mirthful. He turned away, so he wouldn’t have to see the contempt he feared on their faces when he admitted his secret. “I’ve….I’ve been away getting my head shrunk,” he blurted out, hanging his head in shame.

“Wait a minute,” said Sam, obviously having a hard time processing the information. “Are you saying you’ve been seeing a psychiatrist? For real?” Todd silently nodded his head.

Viki knew she should be feeling elated at the words she had been waiting to hear from her brother since the moment she knew they were siblings. But since he had used her mental illness as a ruse to stay out of prison and made a mockery of her pain, all she could feel at the moment was a large wave of skepticism. Once again, Todd was facing jail time, and he had proved there was nothing he wouldn’t do to avoid paying for his mistakes. Obviously he knew what they wanted to hear, and she wouldn’t put it past him to concoct another elaborate scheme to get them on his side. She glanced over at Sam, hoping he wasn’t gullible enough to buy this lock, stock and barrel.

“Details. Who and where,” said Sam tersely, and Viki breathed a little easier. Todd couldn’t help noticing his attorney’s sharp tone and his sister’s silence, and he hung his head even lower.

“Your shrink, Viki. Susannah Hannen.”

“Susannah?” said Viki incredulously. “In Switzerland?” Todd nodded his head again. Viki knew she had Susannah’s number in her Rolodex at the Banner. At least this should be easy to check out.

“Wait a minute, Todd,” said Sam. “Are you saying the DID was real?”

“No, it was fake, Coach,” said Todd sadly, hating the disappointment he was causing all over again. “But…but I thought it might be real for a while.” Sam sat down heavily on the bench in the cell.

“Todd, look, just spit out the whole story. I don’t understand,” said Sam. Viki sat down next to Sam as Todd began the narrative, confessing that he had had a disturbing episode on the short flight from Llanview to New York which caused him to think that perhaps some of his alters were real. During the time he had been faking the DID, he had over-heard Viki telling Sam about Susannah in Switzerland, and since she was the only split-personality disorder specialist he knew about, he decided to track her down. After settling in Geneva, it had taken him several weeks to get up the nerve to make an appointment, and he had convinced himself that the noted doctor would turn him away, given his past with her sister, Nora. But Susannah had agreed to take him on as a patient, although it didn’t take long for her to rule out DID as a diagnosis. He did disassociate on occasion, she conjectured, during times of great stress such as the trip to New York when he had felt completely cut off from everyone in his life. But he didn’t have alternative personalities. Todd ended by telling Viki and Sam that he had been undergoing intensive therapy with Susannah to try and get to the bottom of his destructive behavior, and felt he was making some progress in dealing with the anger he felt toward his father for the abuse he had suffered at his hands.

“So, why did you decide to come back now, Pal?” asked Sam, “And why didn’t you call? With a little advance notice, I might have been able to ward off this arrest.”

Todd looked nervous. “We…Susannah and I…we had started dealing with my mom leaving me and how I felt about it, and I realized I had done almost the same thing to Shorty. I needed to see her and explain things…to let her know I wanted her and loved her. Susannah didn’t want me to come back now, and I told her it was just for a few days. But somehow the cops found out I was back, and here I am.”

“Well,” said Sam, glancing at his watch, “in a few hours it will be morning in Switzerland and I can call Dr. Hannen and get her to confirm all this. I’ll need your signature authorizing me to discuss your case with her, Todd.” Todd nodded. “What do you think, Sam? Is there anyway I can beat this perjury charge?”

Sam shrugged. “That will be something to discuss with your new attorney, but there might be a chance to prove you were out of your mind when you lied on the stand.”

Todd winced, both at the mention of mental incapacity and the fact that Sam still wouldn’t be taking the case. “You do believe me, don’t you Sam? Viki?” asked Todd in desperation.

“Why should I, Pal? You weren’t straight with me the last time. Why should I trust you now? I’ll hold off on believing you until after I’ve talked to Dr. Hannen, if you don’t mind,” said Sam, packing up his briefcase. Todd couldn’t believe how much his words stung. He looked at his sister hopefully.

“I’m afraid I feel much as Sam does, Todd. I can’t believe you until I get some outside corroboration.” She stood up, preparing to leave. Todd sunk soundlessly onto the lower bunk and covered his eyes with his hands. Again he heard his psychiatrist’s voice urging him to ask for forgiveness so he could forgive himself. Sam and Viki were faced away from him, so they turned with a start when they heard an almost animal-like whimper from Todd. They both stared wide-eyed as he ground his fists into his eyes.

“I’m sorry, OK?!” he shouted, removing his hands to reveal wet, red eyes. “I screwed up-neither of you should be surprised by that. I shouldn’t have lied to either of you, but like I told you at the cemetery, Viki, I let the prospect of 300 years in prison cloud my judgment.” He looked up at them with desperation in his eyes. “I….I….” he hesitated, “I’d like for you to forgive me, even if I don’t deserve it,” he cried, putting his head in his hands again.

Sam spoke first after a long silence. “Todd, I want to forgive you,” he said in a quiet, emotion-choked voice, “But you’re just going to have to give me some time to absorb all this. I can’t trust you after what you did, and that isn’t something you want in a lawyer. I’ll find someone good to take your case, I promise. After this is settled, maybe we’ll have some time to talk, and we can begin to heal our friendship. But you’ll just have to wait for me to forgive you. I can’t do it that easily.”

Obviously, Sam’s words were not what Todd wanted to hear, because he remained with his head down and his eyes tightly closed. Viki moved a little closer and cleared her throat. “Of course I forgive you, Todd,” she said softly. “I’ve been forgiven time and time again by the people who love me, so who am I to withhold forgiveness from you?” She was rewarded by the sight of Todd slowly lowering his hands and looking up at her through tear-filled eyes.

“Really, Viki?” he asked softly.

“Really.” She was taken aback by how young and vulnerable he appeared. Sam had already called the guard, who waited patiently by the open door to the cell. “Good-bye, Todd,” said Viki, unable to keep the affection out of her voice. “I hope you’ll call me if you need anything.”

Todd looked stricken. “What does that mean?”

“Exactly what it sounds like. Feel free to ask me if you think of anything you need while you’re in here.” Viki turned toward the door.

Todd shot off the bunk and raced to intercept her before she left. “Wait, Viki. You’re going to stand by me, right? You’re with me and supporting me on this, right?”

Viki stared at him coolly, although it was costing her everything she had to maintain her aura of detachment. “Todd, I think this is something you have to get through on your own. I gave up everything for you last time-I almost lost my family because of it-and then you shattered my trust. I have a lot of resentment toward you that I need to work through before we can be close again, if we even have a chance of that. So, like Sam, I prefer to step back and let events unfold without my interference. If you’re really serious about your therapy, you’ll get through this, Todd. And afterwards, maybe we can start building our relationship again.” Viki stepped through the cell door and Todd was locked in again. He gripped the bars tightly, pushing his face between two of them.

“Viki, please don’t do this to me,” he pleaded. “And you, Coach. I need you both and I don’t have anyone else.” Sam swallowed hard, and looked like he was having second thoughts.

“I’ll see you in court tomorrow, Pal. Good night.” Sam walked quickly through the outer gate without looking back. Viki followed him, turning just before the gate to wish her brother a good night before disappearing around the corner.

Todd banged his head slowly against the bars, squeezing his eyes tightly closed to shut off the flow of tears. “I told you, Susannah,” he whispered. “Everyone leaves. There is never any forgiveness for Todd Manning.”

TO BE CONTINUED