OUT OF TIME - EPILOGUE

PREVIOUSLY
Todd pushed himself off the floor, wiping at his mouth absently. It hurt. Where was Tea? He struggled to his feet, and turned to see her rising unsteadily. He stumbled over to her; she had set the gun on the floor and stood carefully, weak on her feet, and looked up to see him approaching. Without a word, they were in each others arms, and held on tight. This was the sight that greeted the entering crowd.

It was all over.

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Epilogue: All of My Thoughts

I. Who am I, what and why
Cos all I have left is my memories of yesterday
Ohh these sour times
Cos nobody loves me
Its true
Not like you do...
-Portishead, Sour Times

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The fall was particularly cold this time around, and the chill of evening crept into the bones of Llanview. It had been a hard year. Too much tragedy, too much sadness. Tea had not seen her husband for some time. They had separated months ago, Todd had left town briefly.. And when he returned things were different. The connection between them was broken, by mistrust and distance, and no matter how he had tried to talk to her she would not hear him. She had moved on, and he had lost his faith in her. Divorce was immenent, but after their complicated legal history it would be a long process to sever their marriage. She had not the energy to pursue it, and he had not the desire to end it but lacked to ability to erase what had happened, and so it dragged on in the background of their lives. They managed to go on in the same town, never saw each other but a glimpse now and then, which felt like a kick in the gut every time. They had not had more than a few words between them in many weeks. It was a simple twist of fate that brought them both to the 1st National Bank that morning, but then, they always had a way of finding each other when there was trouble.

It was all over. Tea was in his arms, and that was all that she could be aware of for quite some time. She laid her head on his shoulder, and felt him pull her close, his hands gently stroking her hair. Everything was all right now...
She pulled away for a moment, and looked up at him. "Are you okay?"they both asked at the same time, and laughed. She put her hand to his face. "You're bleeding," she noted with concern. "S'nothin," he shrugged, "I'm fine." He couldn't even feel the pain, he was probably in shock but didn't care. They were safe. He smiled at her, feeling relief and even joy wash over him, looking into her eyes.
The world continued in a slow spin around them. People were pouring into the bank, police, the rescue squad, reporters, and relatives looking for their loved ones, but the only voice that pulled them out of their revere was that of a small girl running to them: "DADDY!"
Todd swung his daughter into his arms with a broad grin. "Shorty! That was pretty cool, huh?"
Starr buried her face in his shoulder. He faltered a bit, but tried to stay cool. "Hey, you okay kid? No big deal here, everything's okay now, see? We're all standing up now, we can go home, everyone's alright! Starr?" She held him tightly around his neck.
Tea leaned in close, still feelings Todd's arm around her waist. "Starr, sweetie, how are you?" The little girl turned her head to peek at her smiling stepmother. "I've missed you so much! You're getting to be such a big girl now, isn't she Todd?"
"She sure is, you're gonna knock your Dad over one of these days kiddo." They were rewarded with a smile, and Todd nudged Tea playfully in triumph, she laughed and touched Starr's cheek, smiling fondly. For just a moment, it was just like they were a family again.
"Ms. Delgado!" It was Sykes, barreling through the room to her. "Ms. Delgado, are you alright?"
"Yes John, I'm fine." She pulled away from Todd's grasp. He put both arms around his daughter and held her tight, the smile fleeing from his face. The moment had passed, apparantly.
"I'm perfectly all right," Tea assured the commissioner.
He was of course not convinced, stepped close to her protectively. She put her hands up and tried to cut him off mid-sentence, but he would not stop. "I hear they held a GUN to your head, Tea, they dragged you around the bank and threatened to kill you! You need to come with me-"
"Again, let me repeat: I am not hurt, and I'm perfectly capable of getting myself out of here on my own, thank you very much. Now if you'll excuse me.."
"I'm sorry Tea, but you're going to have to come to the police station if you're not going to the hospital, and answer some questions about the shooters. We need statements from everyone here at this bank." She swallowed hard, feeling every muscle ache. She was so utterly exhausted, and couldn't bear the thought of sitting in the station all night.
Todd stepped over. "Look, can't it wait until tomorrow?!"
Sykes pulled himself to his full height (which was still shorter than Todd) and glared at him. "We need to get all the information we can right away, while it's still fresh in your minds. It needs to go on the records."
"Todd, it's alright, I'll go." Tea took a deep breath and started to walk towards the door, as the other hostages wearily trudged to the exit.
"No." He grabbed her arm, then quickly let go, self-consciously. "I mean. Well." She just looked so tired.. Though she held her head high and projected her usual fearless energy, he could see that she was ready to fall over any minute. He turned back to Sykes. "Look Columbo, we've been here all day having people wave guns at us. We've had enough. I want to go put my kid to bed. And if you really care how she's (gestures to Tea) doing, the last thing she need is you people bothering her right now. Lemme take her home."
Sykes protested, but Tea took him by the arm and pulled him aside, talked to him calmly and tried to convince him to take statements in the morning. Something about watching her talk to him made Todd very agitated. He didn't want that guy anywhere near Tea, especially not that near to her. Meanwhile, Cassie stepped over, River in tow. Todd started clumsily to thank her, but she rescued him. "You're welcome Todd. You know I'd do anything for Blair's daughter. I'm just glad the kids are okay. And I'm glad you're alright. For Starr's sake, after you went off and did something stupid like that.." Todd said nothing to that remark, and she went on. "Blair must be going out of her mind right now.."
"She probably doesn't know anything," Todd pointed out, "or she'd be in here by now looking for Starr."
"You're probably right. Look, let me take Starr back with me to see her mom. You want to come with me and River, Starr?" Starr held on tight to her father and said nothing. Todd convinced her to go with Cassie for just a little while. "Hey kiddo, you want to go see your mom, right? I'll be right behind you every minute, I promise. I'll come tuck you in, alright?" She finally gave in, and Todd put her down; she stood next to River, whispering solemly.
Sykes eventually gave in, and rejoined the police squad. Before he did, he approached Tea once more and took her hand. "You take care of yourself, alright?" She nodded, and he left them.
Tea paused for a moment, eyes closed, then turned to Todd. "I can get myself back to the Palace, you take Starr."
"Let me take you home."
"I'll be fine," she insisted.
"Delgado.." He trailed off, frustrated. "Okay, you look like you're gonna pass out or something ("Thanks a lot," she cut in) and I'm really not feeling too great myself, so we'd probably get ourselves in a wreck or something if we took off on our own.. I figure, together, we can get you to your hotel safely."
She smiled at him. "And how would YOU get back, then?"
"Guess I'm on my own. Have to try my luck." He gave her a small, hopeful smile.
She gave an exaggeratedly long-suffering sigh, still smiling, and relented.

The car ride was long and quiet; they were both very tired. The silence hung in the air between them. For awhile there, they had rediscovered the ease and rappor they used to have with each other, but it was fading as the day's bizarre events receeded. They both wanted to say something, but it seemed there was nothing left to say.
Tea fumbled with her keys and tried to unlock her door. She was discomfited to see that her hands were still shaking a little. Without thinking, Todd reached over and covered her hand with his, guided the key into the lock. His touch was still electric; their eyes met for a moment. She looked away and swung the door open.
"You really didn't have to walk me up here."
He stood awkwardly in the doorway as she walked in and slung her purse onto a chair. He tried to joke. "Well, you know these ritzy hotels, gotta watch out around here. Stick together."
"Yeah, that eighty-year-old doorman could have come after me."
"Hey, you never know.."
Unfortunately, after the day's events, it wasn't that funny. Tea's face suddenly clouded with worry.
"Did you hear them say about the driver? They had a driver, the robbers. He got away."
"They're gonna catch him. Even if they don't, he's not dumb enough to hang around here, he's probably in another state by now."
Tea smiled sheepishly. "You're right. I'm being silly."
"No you're not. You're never silly." He walked in a little, stood closer to her. "After today, of course you're a little freaked out.. But you were really brave, Delgado, you really got guts to stand up to those guys like you did.."
She paced over to the dresser, and removed her earrings in the mirror. "Good thing they couldn't see how.. petrified I was." She stared at her reflection for a moment. "I really thought that was it, we would never get out of there.. So it didn't really matter what I did, but.. I couldn't let them see I was afraid."
Todd was thinking as he looked at her, how absolutely beautiful she was right then, bright and sweet and strong. He wanted to go over to her and put his arms around her again, like he did before, but it was different now; she wouldn't let him, now. He had no idea what to say to her, because the only thing he could think of to say was I love you. But she wouldn't take that from him at this point, and he couldn't give it to her. It had been too long, and the words were gone, trapped in his throat. He had messed things up between them, and he couldn't make it better. Not now.
She walked over to him, obviously ready for him to leave. "Thanks, for bringing me back."
"Are you sure you'll be alright? I mean, I could hang out here.."
"No, I'll be fine here, I'm just going to-"
"Tea.."
"I'm awfully tired, I just want to go to sleep. I'm sure things will look better in the-"
"Tea."
"..Yes?"
"I want to try again. Us." He looked at her with quiet intensity, his heart in his eyes.
"Oh, Todd.." She avoided his eyes, shifted her weight uneasily. "I don't think..."
"Nevermind," he jumped in quickly, backing away. "Just forget I said anything. Forget it."
She stepped towards him, holding her hands out to him. "Wait. Todd... I'm.. glad, you were there today. I mean.. Not that I wanted you there, in danger.. But, having you there.." She was having real trouble finishing a sentance, she was so overcome by his statement. He had that affect on her, dammit. She regained her composure, stood firm. "I mean to say. Thank you. For being there for me, for coming over to me. You could have been hurt, but you came to help me. And when that man had me, you saved me. You saved my life."
"No, you saved yourself." Todd walked out of the room, turning back once he was through the door. They stood on opposite sides of the doorway. "You take care of yourself, Delgado. If.. you ever need anything, anything at all.."
"I know."

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II.
Don't know what to do by myself
Cause all of my time was with you
I just don't know what to do on my own
All of my thoughts are of you
Don't know how to sleep on my own
Cause all of my dreams are of you
I just don't know what to do on my own
All of my thoughts are of you
All of my thoughts are of you
-Spiritualized, All of My Thoughts

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Todd sat in the empty penthouse, sleepless. It wasn't as much of a problem as it used to be; he had far fewer of these long nights than before. But tonight was hopeless. He sat at his desk, trying to work but accomplishing nothing, his thoughts racing in circles.
It had been so close. Who knows what would have happened if that alarm hadn't went off, if Joey hadn't jumped in, if Bo hadn't had been carrying the switchblade.. He could be laying in the hospital right now. Or sitting by someone else's bedside. Or worse.. He couldn't stop thinking about it, how close he had been to losing everything. But Starr was safe, and she would be alright. And Tea.. she was lost to him, he knew it more than ever now, but thank God she would be alright too.
Things had changed in the last few months. He had hoped, when he came back to Llanview, that things would be different. And they were different, but not as he had hoped. He thought that he had changed, and that everything would be better. And he had changed, and was changing. He was seeing things a little more clearly now, thinking a little more clearly.. Things came more easily to him now, than they had before, like coping with people.. and with the past.. But, coming back here, things weren't any better than before. Sure, he was dealing with stuff better, but nothing else had changed. There was still the suspicion, and the venom, from everyone around him. He still made dumb mistakes, had to figure out how to do "the right thing", whatever that was. And there was still the anger.. He was learning to control his rages, but today he had lost his temper, fighting that man.
Tea was right, not wanting to be with him. He hadn't changed at all, not really. Not enough. Though he may seem like a new and improved man, he was still utterly himself, and that was not enough. Not for her. Not for anyone.
So it was just him now, here in the Penthouse. Starr lived with Blair now. It was so quiet, so empty. He had resigned himself to living here alone, but still.. Even though it had been months and months since they had lived here together, Todd still expected Tea to come bounding down the stairs at any minute. The thought brought a smile to his face. He thought about her a lot now, living in this place. All kinds of things, little things, reminded him of her. He had considered living somewhere else, but he didn't want to leave those memories behind either. They were all he had left. Todd had been fundamentally alone for most of his life, he should be used to it by now... But he'd grown accustomed to having her around, and now it was so hard to do without. He'd forgotten how to live without her. How to drag himself out of bed in the morning without knowing he'd see her, there in his house, smiling at him, teasing him.. He would go on, and these things would fade.. But he would always miss her. He would always love her. Maybe someday that would be enough.

Tea awoke, gasping for air, from a troubled, fitful sleep. The man with the gun was there behind her eyes, and she trembled. Without knowing quite what she was doing, she reached for the phone.
"Yeah?"
Silence.
"Hello?...."
"Todd? It's me. It's Tea.."
"Oh. Tea? What.." He was shocked to hear her voice. She never called him. Something must be wrong.. "Are you okay?"
"Uh, yeah. *deep breath* I'm alright. I'm fine."
"Uh huh. You're always out of breath on the phone, huh. You sure?" She didn't answer. "Um, so, what's up? Why are you calling?"
Why AM I calling.. "I, um, wanted to.. see how Starr's doing. How is she?"
"She'll be alright. I hope..."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I went to Blair's, after I left your place.. And she was really upset, you know, she didn't hear about the holdup until a little while ago because she was out doing, something, and so she was pretty much hysterical when Cassie brought Starr home. But anyway, I got there, and we both talked to Starr and tried to get her calmed down, but she was pretty scared still." "How much does she understand? About what happened?"
"Not much. She just knows those people wanted to hurt everybody, and that I disappeared. She wouldn't let me leave, she started crying. I would have stayed over there, but Starr finally fell asleep and they all went to sleep, and I'm just pacing around so I came back here. I'll go back in the morning."
"She'll be alright Todd, I know it. Kids are resilient, y'know? She'll bounce right back."
"Yeah. I hope so."
Pause.
Tea was calming down rapidly, relaxing against the pillows of her bed. Just hearing his voice, even from far away, made her feel better. Her fear was leaving her.
"Did you hear anything about Joey?"
"Talked to Vicki. He's in the hospital. Intensive care. It looks bad."
"He'll be okay though.. Right?"
"Probably. Yeah.... Maybe. Kelly's there with him, apparently. Didn't know they were back together.. Anyway, and Jess and Kevin and Vicki are all there. He'd better be okay. That'd kill Vicki to lose another kid."
"What about the others?"
"Well.. Um, the lady teller and the guy who tried to run out, are still in the hospital. The lady might be ok, and they don't know about the guy. The other guy.. next to where you were.. Didn't make it."
"Oh."
"But, they found the other robber! The driver guy. They said so on the news. He was waiting in some motel or something, and they caught him."
*sigh of relief* "I'm so glad. That's a load off my mind."
"Good."
"So...." She searched for something to say. "What have you been doing, lately?"
He struggled to respond. "... Not much. Y'know, working, I'm running the paper again. I get to take Starr places sometimes.. That's about it really."
"Are you still seeing the doctor?"
Long pause. "Yeah."
Silence.
"Sorry, I killed the conversation."
They laugh a little.
"How have you been doing, Delgado?"
She wandered off for a moment. She's been doing alright. That is to say, she's been working, getting cases, going out occasionally.. Getting by. But something was missing.
"I'm doing great. I'm getting lots of work; I've been busy."
"Are you seeing that Sykes guy?"
"John?" It really annoyed him that she calls him John. "Yes, I was seeing him. I mean, we went out a few times. Had dinner, talked a little. Nothing special."
"It didn't work out? How come?"
Because every time he spoke to her, every time they were together, she could feel herself losing the thread of the conversation, wandering off . Wondering what could have been, what it would be like to be sitting there with Todd and not John. He wasn't you, she thinks, but of course she didn't say it. "We just didn't click," she speaks aloud.
"Oh."
She just keeps thinking about Joey, about how he was laying in a hospital somewhere. She felt terrible that he was hurt, because she had always liked Joey. But.. She was so vehemently glad that it wasn't Todd. The thought of him getting shot scared her, a lot more than she would have thought. It made her mouth run dry. It could have been him, if Joey hadn't intervened, he would have been shot. Maybe killed. It was terrible to think about. To go on about her life, without knowing he was out there somewhere. Without knowing there was still this man in the world, who she had once loved with all her heart, who (admit it) she still loved. For him to be taken away like that, without her getting the chance to tell him how he had touched her heart.. For it to end like that, with the anger between them, with her not having spoken to him in all those weeks.. Kelly probably would trade anything right now to have that time back, to spend it with Joey instead of holding him away. It made her feel sick inside, to know that she had wasted all that time, when she could have lost him today. It made everything else seem so insignificant.
"Tea? You still there?"
Maybe they could fix things. Maybe there was a chance, that they could find the happiness that they had both hoped to find together. She could feel the change in him, even in the few minutes she had seen him before and spoken with him now; something was lighter in him, uncertain, but freer. Maybe now was the time. Maybe..
"Yes, I'm here..."
"Thought you'd run out on me.." Short laugh.
"Todd.."
Maybe there was a chance. It was just a chance. But even a little chance was enough to try for. Because, now more than ever, she could see that they only had a little time in this world. And even though her head was telling her differently, her heart was saying she wanted to spend every last minute with him.
"Todd, I want to see you. Right now. I mean- tomorrow."
"...It IS tomorrow." He could hardly believe his ears.
"In the morning then. I want to talk."
"...We ARE talking."
"I mean in person. Dinner. Or just a walk. (She laughs) Anything. I want to see you."
"...You mean that...?"
"Yes." She could feel herself getting carried away by this feeling growing inside her, but she didn't mind at all. "I want to be with you. We have a lot of things, to work out. A LOT of things. But I want to try. I want to start over with you, Todd."
He caught his breath. "I do too." She could barely hear his voice, but she could feel the emotion clenching his throat. "I want to.. give it all to you. My heart. It's not much.. but you can have it all. Everything I've got. It's all yours, Tea."
"It's just a start. We start over, get to know each other for real.. And we'll see what happens.."
They talked a while longer, Tea curled up in her bed, laughing and planning, Todd leaning over his desk, a small smile playing across his face. The night grew deeper, and the distance between them shrunk to insignifigance as they talked, tentatively, carefully. Something new was beginning. And when they finally breathed their goodnights, they both fell into an easy, restful sleep, and dreamed of a happy future.

(the end.)