ONLY YOU - PUSH

PREVIOUSLY

She smiles back at him. "Alright. We’ll celebrate, once I win this case." With that, she turned on her heel and walked out of the jail.

Matt was uncustomarily silent as they lead him back to his cell, thinking about their conversation. Well, that’s something, at least. Now all we have to do is win.

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I'm so tired of playing,
Playing with this bow and arrow,
Gonna give my heart away,
Leave it to the other girls to play.
For I've been a temptress too long..
-Portishead, Glory Box

It was nearly closing time when Tea arrived at the diner. She walked in to see Carlotta closing up, and before she could turn to leave, not wanting to distract her from her work, she was being hustled to the counter.
"I'll come back tomorrow, Carlotta, I've got work to do," she protested.
"Sit down, hijita, you work too hard. I will have a meal for you in minutes, just wait." Carlotta disappeared into the kitchen. One look at the girl's face told her all she needed to know, and she set about to make her favorite dishes.
Tea leaned her head in her hands, suddenly very tired. It had been a long day, and she had been going non-stop since.. since she had taken this case, in fact. Maybe before that. It felt like a long time. She looked up to see her niece, Roseanne, coming out of the kitchen.
"Tea! Hey! Haven't seen you around here lately.."
Even as tired as she was, she could still manage a cheerful smile. "I've been off in the Wonderful World of the American Legal System. Far, far away from the Real World, here in Angel Square.. Speaking of other worlds, how are your courses going? Are you a medical genius yet?"
Roseanne sighed exaggeratedly and flopped onto the stool next to her. "Hardly. Between my studies and exams and working here, I'm going crazy! Why didn't you warn me it was going to be this hard?"
Tea was indignant. "I most certainly did! You just didn't believe me."
"I thought you were exaggerating. Anyway, I've hardly been here either. I feel so bad abandoning Carlotta like this, but I've got to keep up my grades if I'm going to make it to med school. Dr. Rosanne Delgado, M.D. Sounds pretty good, doesn't it?"
"It does."
"Almost as good as Tea Delgado, famous and sucessful trial lawyer."
"We'll see about the famous part; right now I'll just settle for successful, particularly in this case."
"So did you think about Friday night?"
"Roseanne.. I would love to join you kids at the dance contest, but I have work to do. No, I do." Her niece gave her a whithering look (which she was awfully good at) and she relented slightly. "I'll think about it. If they still need help and I'm not too busy.. Hey, how is Will?" She changed the subject lightly. "Muy guapo, a very nice looking young man.."
Roseanne reddened slightly. "He's just fine. And YOU better not be looking at all.." she shoved her aunt playfully. They were finally beginning to hit it off, although they would probably never be close. It was enough, for the time being. "Speaking of los guapos, how is that georgeous client of yours?"
"Who, Matthew?"
"How many georgeous clients do you have? Are you hiding any? Fess up!"
"What's this about georgeous men?" Carlotta carried in a steaming tray of food as her two remaining patrons laughed.
Roseanne stood, grabbing her bag. "This'll have to be to go, Carlotta, I have to run."
"Got a hot date, Rosie?" Carlotta joined in with Tea's gentle teasing. "Don't want to keep the young men waiting.." "Or is it one young man in particular?"
Roseanne steadfastly ignored their various comments as she flounced out the door with a plate of food, waving over her shoulder.
"So," Carlotta began as Tea began to devour the feast which Carlotta had prepared, "how is this handsome client of yours."
Tea avoided the question for a few minutes as she ate, then paused to add casually: "The client in question has taken it into his head to make a new acquisition, namely, me."
"And this is a problem?"
"I can't date my clients, Carlotta. Particularly the ones on trial for murder."
"But it is flattering, isn't it? Famous, handsome man like that.. Of course you can't start anything with him, not until the trial's over, that is.. But it's pretty nice to have the attention of such a man, isn't it?"
"A possible murderer."
"You said he was innocent. Absolutely innocent, as you put it."
"Yes, and I stand by that, of course. The courts may decide otherwise. Can't get one's hopes up."
"Tea," Carlotta said gently, touching her arm. "What troubles you, hija?"
"Nothing. I'm fine."
"You're exhausted, and tense, and your heart is troubled. You are working too hard, Tea, you will make yourself ill."
"I'm doing just fine. I can take care of myself." She picked at her food now, avoiding Carlotta's eyes.
"You always have. You push too hard, you have since you were a little thing, and even more now. You always had such drive, such a need to be successful. I remember in school, you were consumed by your studies, would lock yourself away to study constantly only to collapse after the exams were over. Oh, we all knew. You have always worked yourself far too hard. You need to rest once in awhile."
"It worked didn't it? I got through, and I did it all myself, when noone thought I could.."
"We all knew you would, Tea. It was you who didn't believe."
Tea fell silent, staring into space. Carlotta waited. One had to be patient with people, never rush, and they would come through.
"It wasn't so much that he was coming onto me; it was how it made me feel. Or how it DIDN'T make me feel. Oh Carlotta, I don't know... Not all that long ago I would have jumped at the chance to be involved with a man like Matthew Eagan. Rich, famous, powerful.. I would have been sensible, of course, kept my professionalism.. But I would have been walking on air right now, just with the thought that a man like that wanted me.. And at first I was thrilled to have his attention, I thought it would be just the thing to.. But it's not," she interrupted herself.
"I've changed, Carlotta. I am not the same woman who came to Llanview. When I came here, all I wanted was to prove myself, and be the best and brightest.."
"And you have proved yourself, Te-ita, time and time again.."
"That's not everything, Carlotta. I thought it was, but I was wrong.." Tea stared somewhere else, far away. Carlotta wished she could see what it was she saw, as Tea continued haltingly. "All my life, I've felt something was.. missing. I was, an outsider, separate. I told myself I didn't mind, but it wasn't true. I wanted to belong somewhere, and I wanted something to fill this.. hole.. inside me. I had friends, I had lovers.. But I wanted something else, without knowing what that was.. I told myself that I was happy, I had accomplished so much, I had, or was going to have, everything I could want. It was all falling into place: money, success, respect.. men.. I dated all sorts of men, Carlotta, I could have anyone I wanted, and I usually did.. and I had a good time, and told myself it was enough. But after Kevin Buchanan left me, to be with Cassie.. It's not that I cared so much about him, that's just the thing. It just made me think: is this going to be my life? No attachments, no.. feelings? I liked Kevin, and we had a good time, but suddenly I was looking around me, at all these people who had something more.. Bo and Nora, Andy and Antonio.. And the way Kevin would look at Cassie.. What did they have, what was I missing? I'd had men want me, care about me, but I had never had anyone look at me like that. And I had never felt about anyone the way that 'Tonio and Andy felt about each other.."
"And then there was Todd.."
Carlotta looked up sharply at her. She had not heard her speak that name for some time. "Tea.." she began.
"At first it was just the Deal.. I said to myself, now you will get everything that you wanted, only right away! The money, the status.. And a built-in family! I came to care about that very much, to keep up this role. Be a respected member of the community, with the powerful connections, working woman taking care of her family.. I could see the other families, and how happy they were. Well, I could do that, just watch me! It was just a game at first, but soon it was much, much more.. I became so attached to Starr, I took care of her every single day, like she was my own daughter. I came to love her, like I would my own child. And.." her voice dropped to a whisper, "Todd.. I came to feel.. things I'd never felt before. I never thought I could feel like that, and it happened so fast Carlotta, so fast, and I didn't know what was happening, it scared me, and excited me. Tea looked up at Carlotta and laughed.. "I know it must sound crazy to you, because of who he is.. I just can't explain it, how it happened.. But he showed me so much, while we were together.. You only see what he took from me, but he also gave me things.. He showed me who I really am. The good, and the bad.. And it was bringing me to life.. these feelings, the one thing I hadn't planned on, that he would be just what I needed. He had a part of me, the part I was lacking. I could see in his eyes what I had been missing all along. I loved him, Carlotta, and it filled me."
She stopped, and Carlotta could see the tears sliding down her cheeks. "And now it's all gone, it's all fallen apart.. And I don't think I can get it back. I've tried, but, there isn't anyone else who can make me feel that way, and I don't know that there ever will be.. Maybe the old cliches are right, maybe you do get just one.. And I will never love anyone, ever again."
Carlotta tried to console her. "Now, hija, every woman says this when she has lost someone..."
Tea pulled away, and stood up. "And at least some of them are right." She pulled her coat on, preparing to leave. "I'm sorry to lay all of this on you, I'm fine, really I am. Most days it's alright, I don't think about it at all. It's just, sometimes.. sometimes I miss him so much, I can't see straight.." She caught her breath, and spun around before Carlotta could see her crumble. She walked to the door.
Carlotta rushed around the counter, trying to catch Tea before she could get out the door, grabbing her hands. "Hija, I won't let you go home like this.. You shouldn't be alone."
Tea smiled through her tears, squared her shoulders, and stood tall. "Oh, I'll be alright Carlotta. I have always been able to take care of myself; I'm a survivor. I'll move on, and I WILL get everything back. The respect, the success.. I'll find someone else, maybe even raise a family of my own. I'll have it all, I will. Tea Delgado will survive, I promise. And one day, it won't hurt so much." She squeezed her surrogate mother's outstretched hands, and left.
Carlotta watched her go, silently cursing the man who had caused her dear Tea this pain. She couldn't bear to watch her hurt like this. "You are never alone, hija mia," She whispered after her. Then she sighed, and went back to her work.

End Part 6
Next: Secrets and Lies