TO BRING YOU MY LOVE

Todd takes Tea by the hand and slowly leads her out of the crowded room onto the balcony. "Much more private," he rolls in his ‘Rodd' accent. He tries to slip his arms around her but she steps forward to the railing. It's a beautiful night, and Tea says so. "Look at those stars. So clear and bright.. It's been so cloudy lately [she's rambling nervously] you couldn't see them, but tonight it's so clear. It's just lovely."

Todd steps to the railing next to her. Okay, think of something good. You've been great so far, she's really going for this Rodd stuff. Keep going, this has to work. "Not nearly as beautiful as the stars in your eyes.." he smiles at her. Yeah, that's good. Good one.

Tea laughs a little, at the whole situation. Those words coming out of that mouth, with that ridiculous accent.. She's getting to like Rodd; he's a bit, well, too much, but sweet nonetheless. The sentiment was what counted. And it was far more sentiment than she's gotten for a long time now.. She stares over the railing, out into the night. She has wanted for so long to have this, the man she loves expressing his love for her. But this man is not the man she loves, he says he's someone else. But it still feels like Todd. Noone else could make her feel this way.. But the Todd she knew is gone, possibly gone forever. Oh, this is so confusing!

"You are thinking about something. You worry." Todd/Rodd nudges her back into reality.

"Well, yes," she replies. She raises her eyes to his face, but quickly looks away. She is still uncomfortable being so close to this person who looks like her husband but is not.

He feels her discomfort, but is at a loss. He doesn't know how to put her at ease (never was very good at that, it was always her who was reaching out to him. This way is hard.) "Tell me your worries. And I will fix them." He laughs a little.

"I'm afraid you can't help this. Or maybe you can, I don't know." She looks up at him. "I'm just so.. frustrated, I guess. Confused. I just spent this last year, trying so hard to get to where I wanted to be. With you. With Todd, that is. But just when I thought we were going to work it out, everything turned upside down and I'm back where I started. With a stranger."

"But, it is better, no? To start over, to get things right?"

She turns, paces the balcony restlessly. "I can't just start over, Rodd. I've done that too many times. For once I just wanted to go all the way through, to actually GET somewhere. I wanted to go through it all, the good and the bad, to get through to him, because he wouldn't let me in. I just knew, everything would be alright once that happened." She walks to the opposite side, looks far away. "I can't ignore what's happened. I wanted him, wanted us, so much, I thought we could work through it all somehow, that we could fix things. But if there's nothing to build on anymore, then I haven't got the strength to do it."

Todd turns, speaks loudly. "There is something, there is me! *I* love you, Tea!"

She turns, smiles sadly. "But I love Todd."

The irony of it all is just killing him. He's in competition with himself! And he just can't understand it, she's got to be making this up to hold him off. This was the one contingency he hadn't planned for, that she would want the real McCoy. Why on earth would she want that? After all he had done to her? It is not possible, he does not believe her. This isn't going to work, if she doesn't want Rodd he doesn't know what he can do, he's just got to hold on to her for as long as he can, but he can feel her slipping away..

He is the one to turn away this time. He bows his head, he closes his eyes and asks the question that will prove her a liar. "..Why?"

Tea stares out at the autumn stars, and just starts talking. "Lots of things. Stupid things, even. Like how he always had coffee for me in the morning even when he didn't want any. How he remembered the things I said, about my favorite flowers or what I like on my pizza. The way he would run his hands through his hair when he got nervous, and the way his eyes would sparkle when he was happy. How I could tell him things, about me, about my family and how I grew up, and he never laughed at me or thought less of me. He listened. He understood. He never judged me, not like most people do. And he could see right into me, about a lot of things, in a way noone else could. He made me feel comfortable, as though I didn't have to pretend anything, I didn't have to try to be anything I'm not. I could just be me, not Tea the hotshot lawyer or the social climber. He never made me feel like I had to measure up to anything or anyone, because everyone else didn't matter. To hell with everyone else.." she laughs. She's relaxed now, with a wide smile. "He's so, sharp, very smart and clever, very funny, he could always make me laugh. And he really didn't care what everyone else thought. But he cared what I thought. It made me feel so.. important, special..." softly now ".. When he held me in his arms, it was so gentle, and when he kissed me I felt like I could do anything, anything at all.. He was always so good with Starr, when he was with her, you could just see how much he loved her. It just shone through him. I wished.." she trails off, but picks up softly. "I wished I could make him feel that way about me. But he never did. He never did love me."

It is very quiet for a long moment. Tea sighs softly, and wraps her coat more tightly around her, lost in thought. She is very startled to hear him speak: "How.. How can you say that?" She looks at him, her heart in her throat, seeing the very real anguish on his face. But she looks again at the ground, and says nothing more. He walks over to stand before her.

"How can you say that, when.. I know.. he loves you very much. No, no, he does. He wanted, very badly, to..to give that love, to you. He wasn't very good at that, but he tried very hard, to give you what you wanted. To keep you from getting hurt." As he softly speaks, the accent slowly drops away, as he stares at her with fierce intensity, getting carried away with the words that are finally escaping his lips. "I tried so hard to keep you away. To keep you safe, from what's inside of me..of him.. But you wouldn't listen. You never do, you never did listen to me Delgado, you thought you could fix everything. But you can't. And I, I got used to having you around, I forgot how to live without you.. I.. He.. He never wanted you to get hurt. Never, he never wanted that to happen. He never wanted to lie to you or deceive you, but, but I had to keep you away, because everything was getting out of control. But you kept pushing, and then you started to give up on me.. But I couldn't let you go either, I had to have you near me, to.. to see you smile at me, to hear your voice, then everything would be ok. I never wanted to hurt you, Tea.." He stops, his eyes closed, a look of misery and frustration on his face. "I do love you Tea. I know maybe that's not worth anything, with what's happened, what's happening. But, it's true. I.. want to have you near me, and see you happy.. I want to be with you, for always.." He trails off into silence. Tea touches her hand to his face, and he opens his eyes.

She stares intently into his eyes. She is completely reeling with what she just heard, she doesn't understand, is this Rodd? Or.. Todd? What does this mean? What she sees before her, his eyes staring intensely into hers, a heart open and bleeding before her, it can almost convince her that every word is true. Maybe, maybe it is.

She puts her arms around his neck, but glares inquisitively into his face. "Who are you? I don't even know anymore, did I ever?" She softens. "Maybe it doesn't even matter.. I love you.." He carefully slides his arms around her. "I love you. We're going to figure this out. Somehow." She leans into his arms, and he holds her close.