Get your own FREE Home PageOLTL SATIRE-PART NINETY SIX
Satire - Part 96 - "It's Not Easy Being A Phelpsian Villian"
This is a work of fiction. It is meant to be satirical in nature. Initially published on 30 APR 2000.
WHAT HAPPENS:
1. Mirror McT is back!
2. Botrina gets news about her health.
3. Patty E goes into action.
4. Dim and Don do mail call.
5. NP and Patty M got the sneak peek.
Dim, ET, EP, dressed as Expensive Poisonwood Rosie, KdP, GT, Patty E and CC The Newbie were hanging out in Hill and DV’s dressing room. ET and GT were gushing over fashion magazines.
“Dim,” said KdP, “The odds don’t look good for Botrina carrying to term.”
“No shocker there,” said Dim. She turned on the TV and started flipping channels. She flipped on AMC, “Anyone watch AMC?” asked Dim.
“I do,” confessed Patty E.
“Hey did you guys know that Diva Dano is back?” asked ET.
CC The Newbie dragged on her ciggie, “Diva Dano wants to give me diva lessons.”
“Does Diva Hickland know?” asked Hill.
“Not yet,” said CC.
“Diva Dano’s not even back 5 minutes and the Diva wars are all ready starting,” frowned GT.
“Who is Diva Dano?” asked DV all confused.
CC The Newbie dragged on her ciggie some more, “I maybe a newbie but the new chick over there is fresh meat!”
Patty E looked up from her script, “Yes!! I have one gratuitous scene with Colin!!”
“You’ll eat ‘em alive,” grinned KdP.
“Didn’t Patty M all ready have a bite?” remarked Dim.
“She sure did and Jill wasn’t pleased,” giggled Hill.
“Say Hill, don’t you have a lot of scenes with Jill’s new casting couch find?” asked EP.
“I sure do and let me tell you Ty Treadway is a cutie!” gushed Hill.
“Say, didn’t McT go to the party with him last week?” asked ET.
“She sure did,” answered Dim.
Poisonwood sulked, “I can’t believe Jill threw me a party and forgot to invite me…”
“Believe me Poisonwood,” said Hill, “You didn’t miss much.”
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Dim walked onto the Llanview General set dressed in a power suit. TDS, JdP, PC, RC, and MD were all ready there. George the Cameraman was changing the tape in the camera.
“Phil, I haven’t seen you around a lot. Mandatory vacation?” asked Dim.
PC dragged on his stogie, “Nah. It’s not easy being a Phelpsian villain. Sucks the life out of you. Now I know why Howarth left.”
Everyone giggled except MD. He didn’t get it. Just then the director walked in and yelled ‘Action!’ The scene began.
Botrina and RJ were walking down the hall of Llanview General hand in hand on their way to a checkup when Ben bolted out of a hospital room, upset, and ran into Botrina, bowling her over.
“Botrina!” exclaimed RJ, “You all right?” he helped her to sit up and she rubbed her head. Ben, ever the hero, felt bad and stopped. He took Botrina’s pulse and felt her forehead. RJ swatted him away.
“What are you doing to my wife?” exclaimed RJ.
“Don’t worry,” said Ben standing up, “Your wife will be okay. She’s only pregnant.”
RJ helped Botrina to stand up, “We could have told you that.”
Just then Asa walked up and began making faces at Ben, “Get away from my family you butcher!!” he yelled.
Ben rolled his eyes and sneered, “Your granddaughter is fine.”
Botrina rubbed her head, “RJ, what day is it?”
“Wednesday,” said RJ.
Max walked in. Skye was glommed onto him.
“Paw! The train derailed with Bo, Nora, and Jessie on it…” exclaimed Max.
Botrina looked concerned, “Is Nora okay?”
RJ looked at Asa, “Now I know something is wrong with Trina if she’s more worried about Nora than Bo.”
“You’ll pay for this you no good RappaDavidson snake!! Max were there any of his crud, ah I mean, kind on the train?” asked Asa.
“Just Will,” said Max. Skye smiled.
“Damn!” said Asa with fire blazing out of his nostrils, “Why couldn’t the lot of them die that train wreck?!”
The scene ended.
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Mirror McT was in Jill’s office waiting for Jill to show up. She saw a picture of TT in a frame on Jill’s desk and longingly looked at it remembering their romantic night of dancing. She hadn’t seen him since. She looked up into the mirror only to discover…Mirror McT!
”You want him you know you do…” grinned Mirror McT with a sly smile.
“Uh-huh…” gushed McT, “But he’s a Picture Frame Boy. I don’t measure up. Jill treats me like a minion…” said McT.
”Don’t knock yourself Meg!! You oughta’ be glad you’re not on Jillybaby’s FOJ list…” said Mirror McT.
“But Ty…” said McT.
”You wuss Meg! Go after what you want and screw Jill. She’s got a whole couch full of Picture Frame boys…if you want “Ty” go for it…” said Mirror McT firmly while she crossed her arms.
Just then Ty Treadway walked into the office.
“Hi Meg,” he said.
“Hi Ty,” she said while she blushed.
TT walked up to McT and smiled, “I thought Jill would be there. I wanted to ask her if I could wear a shirt next week…”
“Ah, no. It’s just me waiting for Jill,” said McT shyly looking at the ground.
TT stepped into McT’s personal space, “I had a good time last week Meg.”
McT looked up, “You did?”
“Uh-huh…” he said. He leaned into her. Their lips were inches apart. He was going to kiss her!!
And then Jill walked in.
“McT!!” she exclaimed with a ciggie hanging out of her mouth.
McT was pissed. Thwarted again!
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Liz2 couldn’t believe it! Tim Gibbs from ”One Life To Live” called her and wanted to give her a interview. Usually Buzzy got to do all the interviewing and she just took notes. She got a new notepad for the occasion and left the Nasty Notepad with Buzzy who was working on his JFP interview. Liz2 walked into the Hometown Hamburger Joint where she was meeting Tim Gibbs for lunch. Tim was all ready sitting at a table. He motioned for Liz2 to join him. She walked up to the table and sat down. TG took a squirt of his breath freshener and smiled.
“Hi Liz,” he said seductively.
“Hi Tim. I’m really excited to be interviewing you,” she confessed.
“I knew you would be,” he pointed to her notepad, “Is that your notepad? I want you to take good notes.”
“I will,” said Liz2, “Now what do you know about Roger Howarth?”
“Who?” asked TG.
Liz2 took a note.
“Did you really have an affair with Sue Misner?” asked Liz2.
“She played BooBee, right?” asked TG.
Liz2 took a note.
“Did you really soak your ex-wife for $75,000?” asked Liz2.
“Read the Court Documents,” answered TG.
Liz2 took a note.
“What do you like to do when you’re alone?” asked Liz2.
“Dance in front of my apartment window with only my socks on,” answered TG.
Liz2 took a note.
“Miss Liz?” said a waiter, “There’s a call for you at the maitre’d desk.”
“I’ll be right back,” said Liz2 getting up to take her phone call. She left her notepad on the table. When she went to the desk there was no phone call and when she turned around, TG and her notepad was gone. She chuckled.
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Dim and Don Jeffcoat walked into JFP’s office carrying the mail. JFP was sitting down behind a desk dragging on 3 ciggies, writing notes on 3 Musketeers wrappers. Twilight Zone music played from the intercom.
“Mail call Jill,” said Dim plopping down a thin pile of mail on Jill’s desk.
“Give it to me straight girls,” said JFP dragging on her ciggie.
DJ just sighed, “I’m a girl Jill.”
“Whatever. I knew that,” said Jill.
Dim rolled her eyes and read, “Ben and Viki rock! They are favorite couple.”
“Guess I’m doing something right,” said JFP.
Don Jeffcoat held up a plastic fish and read the label, “Ben and Viki stick like this dead stinky plastic fish…”
Jill ignored him.
“How are we doing in the ratings?” asked JFP.
“As The World Turns beat us again,” said Dim.
“Again? $hit! Remind me to tell McT we need more Insta-lust on the show. And violence. Sex and violence sells…” said JFP dragging on her ciggies.
“Antonio and Andy fans are unhappy…” started Don.
“And Bo and Nora fans are miserable…” added Dim.
“And Max and Blair fans are just flat out incensed…” continued Don.
“Max and Blair have fans?” asked Jill in shock.
“Jill, there’s no romance on this show!!” finished Dim.
“You mean sex isn’t romance?” asked Jill standing up and putting her hands on her hips.
“Kevin is a male $lut! This is the 4th chick he’s had since Gibbs took over the role two years ago,” read Don.
“I hadn’t noticed,” said Jill.
“Well, that’s it,” said Dim, “Let’s go Don…”
“Waitaminute! You can’t be serious!? That’s all the mail?!” exclaimed Jill, “What happened to the sacks of mail this show used to get?”
“I dunno Jill,” said Don.
Dim and Don walked out with a grin.
“Someone must have stolen the mail…” she muttered, “Maybe that AngelaB.” She pressed a button on the intercom, “Kale!! Get in here!! I have a job for you!!”
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It was the end of the day and Dim, CC The Newbie, Poisonwood, TDS, and JSS were all hanging out in Dim and CC’s dressing room.
“Newbie,” said Dim, “We’re glad to have you back.”
CC dragged on a ciggie, “Oh, I’m still going with Tim…”
“Remind us not to tell any our deep, dark secrets around anymore…” said TDS reading the latest X-men comic.
Just then NP and Patty M walked in.
“We’ve got the sneak peak,” said Patty M holding up a 3 Musketeers wrapper. It was marked “Top Secret”.
“Ohhhhh…” said JSS, “It’s Top Secret!”
NP took the wrapper and read, “Ang, I made Judith Light an offer she couldn’t refuse. I’ll let you know if she bites.”
“I heard that rumor two weeks ago. It’s old news,” said Poisonwood.
Just then AngelaB, the trusty and dependable UPS girl walked in with a postcard for Dim.
Dim read, “Dear Dim, Tell Erika Page congratulations on the ALMA from me. It just so happens Rog and I will be auditioning for roles in NYC around the same time so we’ll pop in for a visit. We caught up with Robin Strasser, Sonia Satra, Clint Ritchie, Jennifer Bransford, Will Kempe, and Kevin Stapleton out here in CA and their all doing well. Love, your ex-roomie Flo.”
“Sounds like Flo is having fun,” said JSS.
“Meanwhile Jill is making our lives miserable,” added TDS.
“Jill Will Pay,” said Dim.
NEXT:
1. ES says “No”
2. Kale Brown hunts down the mail.
3. Botrina gets bad news.
4. Diva wars over CC The Newbie’s eye shadow!
5. There’s a Special Guest Star!!
6. NP and Patty M got the sneak peek.
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