Get your own FREE Home PageOLTL SATIRE-PART EIGHTY SIX
Satire - Part 86 - "Botrina, You Are One HOT Chick!"
This is a work of fiction. It is meant to be satirical in nature. Initially published on 19 FEB 2000.
WHAT HAPPENS:
1. Hill and the gang sing the dressing room blues
2. Mirror McT is back
3. JFP balances her FAT checkbook
4. Kamar cuts in line
5. NP and Patty M get the “Sneak Peek”.
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Dim and CC The Newbie knocked on Hill’s door. Hill opened the door and let them in. All the cool people were hanging out in Hill’s dressing room singing the blues. Poisonwood was working on a new chicken bone spell. ET was going over lines. GT was looking at hair magazines trying to pick out a new hairdo. PE was signing 8x10’s of her and DF for the Renee & Cris Fan Club. KdP was raking in the money. The ratings were sky high for the third week in a row and she was making a killing on the odds.
CC lit a ciggie, “Man, I’m bummed. I miss Robin. I get all hinky when I watch her Cdi’s and to top it off, all my scenes are with John Bolger this week!!”
“What’s wrong with that? He’s got the dreamiest eyes…” gushed GT.
“Oh nothing – except he breathes like Darth Vader and sucks the air out of all my space…” fussed CC.
“OMG!! Remember when poor Flo had that scene with him in Sykes’s love shack? He was panting all over her then too…” said Dim.
“Poor Flo. At least she’s free of the horror now,” said KdP.
“I hear the suits are happy with Jill since the ratings are sky high,” said ET, “They’re giving her more money to hire more actors.
“Horror of Horrors!!” ranted Dim.
“Girls,” said Patty E, “We’re going to figure out a way to spend that money before JFP hires more unemployed AW actors…ah, I mean FOJ’s…”
“Well, I deserve a raised after all the groveling I had to do as Nora to Sam this past week…” said Hill sipping her coffee.
“You aren’t the only one. I deserve a raise too,” said Poisonwood, “It isn’t easy to play a no-self esteem chick.”
“That’s it!! We’ll give us all raises and spend the money before Jill does!!” exclaimed Dim.
“Hey, I’m friends with the payroll chick, Susie. She’ll hook me up,” said ET.
“All we need to do is get our hands on JFP’s checkbook…” said Patty E.
“I’m ready for some action,” exclaimed Dim.
Hill’s Dressing Room Crew plotted.
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Meanwhile,
In the OLTL Studio Halls…
TDS walked out of his dressing room. They were filming RJ and Botrina’s wedding today but that wasn’t the reason why he was nervous. Now that Flo was gone, there was pressure on him to get the scoop but he wasn’t very good at it.
NP and Patty M, all dressed up in formal wear, bumped into him.
“Tim,” said NP holding his ”Flavor of the Week” dartboard, “You look nervous.”
“I am. Now that Flo is gone, Dim is gonna’ expect me to have scoop and I don’t know if I can deliver. You know I’m not on the LIST.”
“Doesn’t Jill write everything down on snickers wrappers?” asked Patty M.
“Yeah,” said TDS.
“Would it help to sneak peek at her snickers wrappers?” asked NP.
“You bet. But I don’t have time. Dim and I are taping this wedding stuff all day,” said TDS.
“Don’t worry Tim. You leave that to us. Between Nate and I we have like five lines so we’ll have plenty of time to sneak a peek for you,” said Patty M with a devilish grin. TDS was happy.
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Meanwhile,
In JFP’s office…
JFP was sitting behind her desk smoking 3 ciggies and listening to her intercom play ”Twilight Zone” music. She was meticulously polishing TG’s picture frame. A pile of snickers wrappers sat in a corner on her desk. Kale Brown was balancing her checkbook. MD was practicing his sneers in the mirror. Woodsy was auditioning with actresses for a new part on the casting couch.
Just then TG and JB walked in.
“Hey Jill, what do you think of my new haircut?!” asked TG strutting his wares in front of Jill.
JFP frowned and puffed on her ciggies, “What are you doing? Joining the Army with that haircut?”
“No…” said TG sadly. Obviously Jill didn’t like it.
“Jill, sweetie, cut Tim some slack. It’s getting hard to find me a new rocky so Tim donated some hair to the cause,” said JB holding up a new piece.
JFP lit another ciggie, “John you go through hairpieces like I go through ciggies.”
Just then McT walked in with a pencil behind her ear.
“What do you want now Jill?” fussed McT, “It’s hard work coming up with a script you actually approve of!!”
JFP rolled her eyes and pointed to her pile of snickers wrappers, “Those are my notes for the new storyline with my TnT Clones, ”Mel’n’Colly”
McT went to Jill’s desk and began to read her notes, nodding her head in disgust.
“So Kale, how does my checkbook look?” asked JFP dragging on her ciggies.
“Jill, you’re in the money. You got an extra ten percent in the show’s budget…” said KB holding up the checkbook.
“Good. Those suits said I would if I could pull in the ratings…Now, how do you suggest I spend the money?” she asked sucking back on her ciggies.
McT looked up and past MD into the mirror and saw…
Mirror McT!
”Tell the old crone she could use the money on a remote…” suggested Mirror McT crossing her arms.
“Well, I need a new wardrobe for Sam,” suggest KB.
“You could put a shower in my dressing room,” added TG.
“Some of the sets need fixing up,” said Woodsy.
“You can buy me a new gun. This one says, ”Property of Montana BooBee” said MD.
“I know a few friends from AW who need jobs…” said JB.
“We could use the money on a remote,” suggested McT.
”And tell that bag of hot air we can hire teen actors for Al, CJ, Sarah, Frankie, Leslie…” added Mirror McT firmly.
“I ain’t spending my suck up money on a remote!!” said JFP dragging on her ciggies.
“Well, how about hiring teen actors for Al, CJ, Sarah, Frankie, Leslie…” suggested McT.
“I don’t have any teenaged friends!!” fussed JFP.
”Then tell the Mother of All Windbags to stuff it!” said Mirror McT with a evil grin, “I mean do you write this show or does Jill????
“Well you know Jill, I’m not on contract and I could use a few extra bucks for my theatre troupe,” said JB wearing a tight Hawaiian shirt that showed off how buff his man-breasts were.
“Kale, can we afford to put John on contract?” asked JFP lighting another ciggie.
“Yep,” said KB.
“Do it,” grinned Jill.
Just then Nudgie, the music director stuck his head in the door, “Jill, I need your help with the Ben and Blondie montage…”
JFP liked her lips, “Sure Nudge. Kale get that check to Susie in payroll.”
“Sure Jill,” said KB.
JB was happy. He wanted to be more than just a ”Matinee Idol” and now was his big chance. Now he wanted to be a ”Big Screen Heartthrob” like Brad Pitt.
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Meanwhile,
In the Makeup Room…
Alyssa the Hairdresser and Melissa the Makeup Chick were working hard. The show was taping Botrina and RJ’s wedding and currently Dim was in the chair getting her hair done and Melissa was doing KdP’s makeup. Poisonwood Rosie was next, followed by Hill, Diva Hickland, GT, CC The Newbie and Patty M. Just then Kamar de los Reyes pranced in and cut in front of Poisonwood.
“I’m next,” fussed KdlR.
“What?” exclaimed Poisonwood, “I’ve been waiting 20 minutes!!”
“Kamar, are you taping wedding scenes?” asked Diva Hickland putting her hands on her hips.
“No, but I’m taping an intense scene with lots of headshots so I need Alyssa to do my hair – NOW,” whined KdlR.
“Dude, you got one hell of an attitude!!” said CC dragging on a ciggie.
“Kamar, the wedding stuff takes priority. Go to the back of the line,” said Hill sounding authoritative, “And wait your turn like everyone else!!”
“I’m not giving up my place in line!!” pouted KdlR.
“But you cut!!” said GT crossing her arms.
“Whatcha’ gonna’ do about it?” said KdlR.
Just then, the show’s TOP Diva, Erika Slezak walked in and was pi$$ed to see that Kamar had cutted the line. Even she had to wait in line and she was show’s TOP Diva. She looked tough and walked up to Kamar.
“No one likes a cutter Kamar. Now go to the back of line…” commanded ES.
KdlR pouted on his way back o the end of the line.
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Meanwhile,
On the Set…
Dim finally walked onto the St. James set wearing a white power suit. Everyone else was all in formal wear. WK was there in a rare appearance as Andrew to marry Botrina and RJ. The director yelled action and the scene began.
Bo had sucked up his pride and decided to be a father to Botrina. He was going to walk her down the aisle. RJ and Hank were waiting at the altar.
The bridal march began and Blair, the maid of honor went first. Then Bo walked Botrina down to RJ. RJ and Botrina looked dreamily into each other’s eyes, so in love.
The wedding began. Andrew asked them if they were going to say their own vows. Botrina went first.
“RJ, you are the most gorgeous guy in Llanview,” she giggled and got serious, “But seriously, I see a side of you others don’t. You’re kind and gentle. You protect me. I love you.”
RJ sniffled at her words and took her hands and spoke.
“Botrina, you are one HOT chick,” he giggled, “But aside from that, I see past that ruthless business façade into your heart. You complete me. I love you.”
“STOP THE WEDDING!!” someone yelled.
Everyone turned around. It was Nora.
“I HAVE A SECRET!!” yelled Nora.
Everyone looked confused.
The scene ended.
NP and Patty M went off in search of obtaining a sneak peek.
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It was the end of the day. Dim and CC The Newbie were hanging out in their dressing room with EP, JSS, ET, DF, and TDS.
“So Tim, got scoop?” asked Dim.
“Well, no…not quite…” said TDS.
“OMG!! What are we going to do? Flo’s not here with the scoop!!” cried DF.
Just then, NP and Patty M walked in, “Well, we got a sneak peak, does that count?”
“Cool…” gushed CC The Newbie.
“Fess up,” said Poisonwood.
Patty M held up a snickers wrapper.
NP read, “Mark sucked up really good this week and bought me my favorite ciggies so I’m making him the Buchanan Heir…again…”
JSS got up and walked to the bathroom, “Excuse me while I flush the toilet…”
Just then AngelaB delivered a postcard to Dim from Flo.
Dim read, “Dear Dim, I miss you. Busy auditioning but I’ll let you know when I land something. Love, Flo.”
Everyone sniffled.
“Jill will pay…” said Dim crossing her arms looking mean.
NEXT:
1. Nora’s secret is revealed!
2. Patty E and the gang get their hands on JFP’s checkbook.
3. Poisonwood gives KdlR a special potion mix to help him better in with his co-stars.
4. JB works out.
5. NP and Patty M get the sneak peak.
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