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Satire - Part 85 - Jill Drinks Poisonwood's Love Potion.
This is a work of fiction. It is meant to be satirical in nature. Initially published on 06 FEB 2000. This is a Satire Classic!
WHAT HAPPENS:
1.The cast and crew throw RS and FL a going away party.
2. PE and DF get stranded at the mall.
3. JFP smells the tuna.
4. Blair throws Botrina an engagement party.
5. CC The Newbie gets a proposition.
6. Dim gets a new roomie!!
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It was early in the morning. ET, Dim, GT, CC The Newbie, KdP, EP, dressed as Poisonwood Rosie, Alyssa the Hairdresser, Melissa the make-up chick, CTJ, and Diva Hickland were all gathered around in Hill’s dressing room. They were planning RS and FL’s going away party. Poisonwood was sitting on the floor surrounded by a chemistry set mixing up a special herbal love potion for Valentine’s Day. GT was doing her nails. Diva Hickland was picking out gifts for RS and FL from the Ultimate Pink Catalog. ET was jamming out to Mark Antony. KdP was figuring out the odds on her latest bets.
Dim fussed and pouted, “Man, Flo’s taking her last postcard today. Knowing my luck, Jill will give me Kamar de los Reyes as a roomie!!”
“Hey, I heard about him,” said Melissa the make-up chick, restocking her make up kit, “He’s a big full of himself.”
“Man! I’m the Newbie on the block!! I’ll probably get stuck with him since Robin’s leaving. Or worse yet that new ADA dude….” Fussed CC dragging on her ciggie.
“Erin, hand me some of those rose petals for my potion o love…” said Poisonwood. She threw something into a test-tube and smoke came out of it.
ET reached over and grabbed some rose petals off of Hill’s desk. RSW had sent Hill a white rose for Valentine’s Day. ET threw them at Poisonwood.
“This is going to be an awesome party!” exclaimed Hill, “Robin and Flo are going to love it!!”
“I heard Tim Gibbs asked you if he could jump outta’ the cake nekkid…” said Alyssa the Hairdresser.
“I turned him down flat,” grinned Hill.
“CC,” said Dim, “I think you should move in with me and be my new roomie. That way we don’t have to worry about not shaking up with people who aren’t cool,” said Dim, “Kamar’s cute and all but I don’t think I can deal with his attitude.”
“Great!! I gotta’ go grab my lava lamps and my ”Diva In Training” Cdi’s that Robin left me though,” said CC dragging on her ciggie.
“Good, let go now before Jill decides to micromanages and force feeds us new roomies…” said Dim.
Dim and CC rushed out to move CC into Dim’s dressing room.
“Hey, where’s Patty E?” asked CTJ, “She’d love to be helping with the party plans.”
“Her and Dave are doing a mall appearance in White Plains, New York,” said Hill.
“Yeah for the Renee and Cris Fan Club,” added KdP.
“Remember last Valentine’s Day? Renee and Cris sizzled…” gushed GT.
“I think Jilly asked Jackie to do a special Renee and Cris Valentine’s Memory Post or something…” said ET.
All of a sudden there was a big bang and smoke filled the room from Poisonwood’s test tubes. Everyone gagged.
“Poisonwood!!” exclaimed Hill, “What have you done to my dressing room?!”
The smoke cleared and Poisonwood held up a beaker full of juice.
“This is it guys. This is the potion o’ love. One drink outta’ this and the next person you look at you’ll fall madly in love with them for 24 hours. I was going to give it to Todd and Téa ‘cos I figured they needed all the help they could get,” said Poisonwood proudly.
“Just don’t give it to GodJilla,” said KdP seriously.
The girls continued their party plans.
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Meanwhile, at the Mall…
DF and PE were in the main court signing pictures and taking photos with their fans.
Jilly and Anna gave them Valentine heart with pictures of last year’s Valentine kisses. DF and PE were happy they could do this for the fans.
“Oh Renee and Cris are soooo hot,” gushed BenFan.
“They have Undeniable Chemistry…” gushed Nan.
“I think Cris should dump that sleaze RoHo and hook up with Renee…” added nunagser.
“Well, you never know what will happen…” started DF.
PE batted her eyelashes at him, “Dave, don’t get the fans’ hopes up. This is JFP. We can expect dead babies in May, Insta-cures and FOJ’s…”
Jilly looked at her watch, “Guys, we gotta’ go if we’re going to make Robin and Flo’s going away party.”
PE and DF wrapped up the signing. Jilly, Anna, PE, and DF walked out to the car and discovered their tires were flat. Lurking in the background was TG.
“Oh man!!” fussed DF, “How are we suppose to get to the party on time? I’m supposed to jump out of the cake nekkid!!”
Everyone looked panicked.
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Meanwhile,
Back at the studio…
Dim walked onto the Country Club set dressed in a Botrina Tran Power Suit.
RC walked up to Dim, “Only Botrina would show up to her engagement party in a power suit.”
Dim giggled.
GT walked in, “Botrina will probably get married in a Power Suit too.”
Dim smiled, “Knowing Botrina, I probably will.”
KdP, FL, ET, Poisonwood, PM, CTJ, Diva Hickland, ES, CC The Newbie, and RS also walked onto the set. The director walked in and yelled ‘Action!’ The scene began.
Everyone was gathered around Botrina at a big table.
Blair spoke up, “Okay everyone, thanks for coming to Botrina’s engagement party. We’ll open gifts first and then we’ll get Lindsay to bring out the cake.”
“Cool…” said Botrina. She dived into her presents. Téa, Carlotta, and Roseanne chipped in and got her a sexy nightgown. Botrina blushed. Viki got Botrina another power suit. Sophia got her a new pen to use to sign checks. Blair took notes so they could send out thank you cards.
“Hey RJ doesn’t have any ex-wives does he?” asked Kelly.
“I don’t think so,” said Botrina.
Dorian whispered to Blair, “Jill hasn’t re-written RJ’s history yet.”
“Well, I hope Nora doesn’t ruin your wedding,” said Lindsay crossing her arms.
“Isn’t it time for the cake?” asked Skye in a rude tone of voice. It was the only tone of voice she knew.
Lindsay snapped her fingers and two Country Club waiters pushed out a huge cake.
“Blair, did you get a man for the cake?” asked Botrina. The cake was big enough for one.
“We got you a real studly kinda’ guy…” grinned Blair.
Everyone sang ”For She’s a Jolly Good Egg” and as the song finished, John Sykes, with a devious grin, jumped out of the cake…nekkid.
“Cover up those man-breasts!!!” yelled Sophia.
Carlotta threw a tablecloth at him.
“My virgin eyes!!” yelled Viki.
Botrina, mortified, passed right out.
The scene ended.
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Meanwhile,
Back in White Plains…
Jilly and Anna called triple AAA and got them to fix the car’s tires. As soon as the car was ready they got in the car and drove like a bat out of he!! onto the freeway. Unfortunately, they didn’t get far as a state trooper stopped them for speeding.
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That afternoon…
JFP was forced to shut down production for Robin and Flo’s going away party. Everyone showed up. Hill had asked Natalie to cater the event. Natalie mixed up a special red in color valentine fruit punch and brought along her famous ”Snot Producing Red-hot Peppers” SEW, dressed in romantic black, was serving up drinks with CC The Newbie. PC and NP were in charge of the music. RSW was miffed that Phil and Nate found the stereo first.
Hill walked up to Diva Hickland, “Did you kill the cake order?”
“Sure did,” grinned Diva Hickland.
Jill called for everyone’s attention as she stood up on top of the tables with all the gifts. Poisonwood put her potion o’ love down on the table near Jill. McT was forced to hold Jill’s gifts.
“All right everyone – shut up for a moment!!” yelled Jill dragging on her ciggies, “We’re here to give Robin and Flo a kiss off – ah, I mean a going away party. Robin, come up here so I can say a few good words about you.”
RS smirked and walked up to the table.
JFP leaned down and whispered into Robin’s ear, “By the way Robin, Kale and I found your can of tuna under my casting couch.”
“That’s nice,” said Robin with a sly smile.
Before standing up, JFP reached for her drink and accidentally grabbed Poisonwood’s potion o’ love, “All right, Robin’s leaving. We’re going to miss her sick sense of humor. McT, give Robin her gift…”
JFP drank the love potion.
“That’s it?” said Dim, whispered to GT, “She got long winded when Kevin McClatchy left.”
“You know Robin’s not on THE LIST,” whispered GT.
McT handed Robin her gift. Robin opened it.
“It’s my menopause video?” questioned RS.
RH, who was standing next to FL coughed and JFP looked at him. She was instantly in love.
“Ah, well, I figured an aging Diva like you needed to know about that stuff,” said JFP puffing on her ciggies as she tried to keep her attention on Robin, “Okay Flo, get up here so I can say something nice about you now.”
Flo looked at Rog and rolled her eyes. She walked up to Jill. Jill was jealous.
“All right gang, Flo’s leaving too. We’re gonna’ miss …watching her take a shower. McT, give Flo her gift,” said JFP staring at RH with a dreamy expression on her face. The Picture Frame Boys noticed her pre-occupation with RH.
Flo was underwhelmed. It was a Mexican cookbook.
“Boy, Jill put a lot of thought into her gifts, didn’t she?” KdP muttered to Dim.
McT hit JFP upside the head and JFP spoke up, “So, ah, Robin, Flo, you want to say anything?” asked JFP.
Robin grinned and sang, ”I’m moving on…thinking primetime…”
“Ditto for me,” said FL.
“All right!! Let’s party!!” said JFP. She wanted to go talk to RH.
DeeDee had George the Cameraman pop open a bottle of Dom out of the case she brought and champagne went everywhere. ET and GT flung up Valentine confetti and PC put ”Moving On” in the stereo.
“Flo,” said DeeDee, “I want you to have this vintage bottle of Dom for having to put up with Sykes and that appalling shower scene.”
Flo sniffed and hugged DeeDee.
SisterJenny gave RS a plant for her house in California.
Jer snuck into the OLTL Vaults with some help from Uncle Tony and The Phantom and presented RS and FL with a copy of their favorite script. RS and FL were touched.
Finally Jilly, Anna, DF, and PE showed up.
DF was upset, “Who jumped out of the cake?” he asked.
“Jill’s matinee idol,” pouted ET, “Poor Dim passed right out.”
DF felt bad. He had spent all week at the gym.
Poisonwood went up to the bar, “Hey SEW gimme a Long Island Iced Tea.”
SEW began to mix up the drink.
JdP walked up, “CC, I need a Jack and coke.”
“Okay,” said CC.
RH got in line and ordered a beer. JFP got in line behind him and started sucking up to him big time. Rog tried to blow her off and back to talk to Flo, Hill, Dim and TDS. Jill began to flow him around like a lovesick schoolgirl.
“I’m moving on…” sang Robin dancing around the punch bowl. She danced circles around the Picture Frame Boys who were pouted because Jill wasn’t paying them any attention.
Flo passed out her “Bequeath” list. Hill and Dim got Flo and Robin special OLTL coffee cups.
Kamar de los Reyes walked up to the bar, “Hey, you’re the Newbie, right?” he said to CC.
“Yeah, that’s me,” said CC.
“Your dressing room or mine?” said KdlR.
CC looked shocked, “Are you hitting on me? Aren’t you married?”
Before KdlR couldn’t explain that Jill told him he could move into her dressing room with her, SEW decked him.
Everyone sang ET and DJ “Happy Birthday” since they had birthday’s coming up.
Rog figured out JFP was following him around and tried to shake her by going into the boy’s room. He vowed not to come out till the coast was clear.
“What’s up with Jill anyway? Usually she follows me around like that,” said KB. Him and RSW, TG, JB, and MD were pouting in a corner.
“Let’s face it guys, we don’t hold a candle to Rog. He brings in the viewers,” said TG.
“Yeah, but after today he’s gone and we’ll still be here…” sneered and grunted MD.
RS danced between them singing, “Moving on to primetime…”
The Picture Frame Boys stared at her with a real stupid stare on their faces.
Poisonwood was fixing to give her potion to Flo and Rog and discovered it was all gone. She was pi$$ed ‘cos it only worked once a year on Valentine’s Day.
The party continued late into the night.
CC The Newbie, and Dim, desperately desiring some fresh air, snuck out onto the studio steps. CC lit a ciggie and shared it with Dim who was depressed, she smoked it.
“I’m sad CC. I’m really, really going to miss Robin and Flo,” said Dim.
“Me too,” said CC sadly puffing on her ciggie, “Are you going to leave Dim?”
“I dunno CC. I dunno what the right thing to do is,” said Dim leaning back against the steps.
“We still got cool people. Hill’s cool. So are Kassie and Gina and Poisonwood…” said CC, “I’m cool. You’re cool.”
“Thanks CC,” said Dim. She looked at CC with tears in her eyes, sad her friends were leaving. CC was sad too. They reached out and gave each other a really tight hug trying to comfort each other.
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The Penthouse Set…
Flo stood in the middle of the penthouse set, looking sad herself. She was going to miss it.
Just then Robin danced onto the set singing, “Moving on…moving on to primetime…”
Flo gave her a bittersweet smile.
Robin got serious for two seconds and walked up to Flo. Robin looked the young woman in the eyes.
“Flo, I know you’re sad. I’m sad too. I grew attached to Newbie and I know you’re fond of Dim but it’s time to move on. You’ve got the look girl and I’ve got the brains. We’re going places. We’re moving on as the song goes. Look at it this way, we’re still reading the same book, we’re just starting a new chapter.”
“Thanks, Robin,” sniffled Flo.
“Good. Now cheer up!” said RS. She started singing and danced off the set, leaving Flo standing alone in the middle of the set. It had been a great ride but now it was time to get off.
“Flo, you shouldn’t be alone right now…”
Flo looked up. It was Rog standing at the door.
“Hey Rog,” she muttered.
“It’s time to go Flo,” said Rog softly.
“Yeah…” said Flo sadly.
Rog walked up to her and put his arm around her waist in a friendly manner.
“Hey! Now that you’ve got some time on your hands, Cari and I want you to come over for dinner tomorrow…” said Rog trying to cheer her up.
“Cris and I would love too…” said FL.
As they walked off the set, they shut the light off.
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