Satire - Part 80 - "Jill Was Plotting Some Evil"

This is a work of fiction. It is meant to be satirical in nature. Initially published on 08 Jan 2000.

WHAT HAPPENS:
1. Someone tries to run down Botrina & RJ. (Can it get any stupider?)
2. Jill picks a new victim to help Dim with mail call.
3. Kamar films his first scenes and JB is jealous there’s a new matinee idol in the house.
4. Flo got scoop.

********************************************************************************************************

It was the Monday after the holidays and everyone was dragging a$$ from all the holiday parties. CC The Newbie opened the door to her dressing room only to find Robin Strasser not there. CC sniffed, sad that Robin was gone and found Dim, Flo, Hill, Gina, RC, PE, and Alyssa the Hairdresser in the make-up room.

“Newbie, what’s wrong?” asked RC as Alyssa fussed over her hair.

“Robin’s gone…” sniffed CC lighting a ciggie.

“Don’t worry CC. Robin will be back in two weeks to tape a few more scenes,” said Dim slurping some coffee.

CC was happy to hear that.

“Hill you had some good scenes this past week,” said PE slapping on some blush.

“I didn’t have to use my chapstick once,” grinned Hill sipping her coffee.

Just then the dePaivas walked in with their bookie hats.

“Guys, we’re taking bets – now that Robin’s gone, Jill’s gonna’ have to pick someone new to help Dim out with the mail,” said KdP.

“I bet it’s going to be me! I’m the Newbie!” fussed CC.

“Nah…” said Dim, “It’s going to be someone Jill doesn’t think about too much…”

“You know, she won’t pick a Picture Frame Boy and I’m too short,” said FL touching up her lipstick.

Gina teased her hair, “Maybe she’ll get Patty M to do it…”

“That means Patty M will have to come to the studio on a day off and Jill will have to pay her and we all know how CHEAP Jill is,” said JdP.

Just then, Melissa The Makeup Chick walked in, “Guys, you won’t believe what I just overheard!”

“What?” asked Dim.

“Jill was plotting some more evil with her Picture Frame Boys and just happened to mention she despises female writers…” said Melissa all out of breath.

Everyone’s eyes bugged out

. “That lowlife!!” said Dim crossing her arms.

“So how did McT get her job?” asked CC puffing her ciggie, “She’s a female.”

“You know,” said JdP, “There’s only one female writer on staff besides McT.”

“Laura Koffman was probably on to something when she said Jill fired her ‘cos she was a female and pregnant…” speculated FL sipping her coffee, “It’s a woman thing with her.”

“No wonder why all the females are dumb on this show!” fussed Hill putting her hands on her hips, “Jill can’t stand the competition!!”

“What are we going to do about it?” asked Gina, “Robin’s not here to help us out.”

Dim wrinkled her brow, “Well, we just gotta’ think like Robin would. What would Robin do?”

“Sabotage Jill’s office…” said CC The Newbie sucking on her ciggie.

“How many times has that been done and it hasn’t stopped Jill?” noted RC realistically.

“Guys, we’ll just have to sabotage something else…” said PE with a devious grin.

“Patty E!!” exclaimed Dim in surprise.

“C’Mere…” said Patty E. She called a football huddle and whispered her plan.

************************************************************************************************************

Later on that afternoon,
On the set of the Palace Restaurant…

JFP walked onto the set followed by two male gophers and her Picture Frame Boys, KB, TG, and JB. She was dragging on three ciggies. JB hung up his mirror on the set so he could admire himself. Tim Gibbs was buffing his picture frame with a brand new buffing cloth.

“Hey Jill,” said KB, “What’s on the script doesn’t match what’s on your snicker’s wrappers.”

GT and DJ wandered onto the set. They were taping a scene with TG, Dim, JB, and TDS.

“Where’s McT?” fussed Jill, “Hey you!! Cameraman!! Don’t set up there!! Set up there..”

George pouted and did what he was told.

“I’ll get her,” said TG running off like an eager schoolboy hoping to impress his teacher.

Just then MD walked in with JaCk, “Hey Jill…here’s the dude who won your contest…”

Jill eyed JaCk and called Gina over.

Just then Dim and TDS walked in. DJ looked sad.

“Gina, this is JaCk. He won a contest to be your personal assistant for a day,” said Jill, “Don’t worry – the proceeds went to charity.”

Dim whispered to TDS, “Yeah…she probably paid off some more soap rags with the money trying to get Emmy nods…”

TDS laughed.

“Hi Gina,” said JaCk eagerly shaking her hand.

“Hi JaCk,” smiled Gina, a bit overwhelmed at the thought of having a personal assistant.

“So, ah, what can I do?” asked JaCk.

“I need some help with my fan mail,” said GT politely.

“Do you have a website?” grinned JaCk.

“Hey!!” fussed Don Jeffcoat, “I put in a request for personal assistant a long time ago.”

JFP looked at DJ and puffed her ciggies, “Do you work for me?”

“Yeah!! I play Joey!!” said DJ sticking up for himself.

“Yeah. I do know you. Dim needs help with mail call now that Robin’s gone. You can help her out,” said JFP blowing smoke in the young man’s face, “And I’ll think about the assistant thing.”

TDS whispered to Dim, “Poor Dude.”

Just then TG walked in with McT who was writing on a pad of paper.

JB looked in the mirror and adjusted his rug.

“What now Jill?” asked McT crossing her arms.

“Kale says what’s on the script doesn’t match my snicker’s wrappers,” said Jill lighting another ciggie.

“So?” said McT. She accidentally looked in JB’s mirror and saw…

Mirror McT wearing a pointy witch hat, “Tell the hag to lay off Meg!! You’re a professional writer!! She’s not!!”

McT rubbed her eyes.

“Well McT? Is that all you can say? Do I need a leash?” fussed JFP.

Mirror McT looked at McT, “Do you need a crowbar, Meg?!” asked Mirror McT sarcastically.

“Something’s not right with my rug!!” fussed JB.

“Call Alyssa,” said JFP sucking back on her ciggies, “Well, McT?”

“Look Jill, what’s the big deal? You want drunk Kevin to pour a bottle of alcohol all over the floor ‘cos he sees Kelly with Joey and wigs out. Botrina and RJ laugh and make fun of his a$$. What’s the big deal?”

“No one makes fun of my friends, McT,” said JFP blowing smoke in McT’s face.

“She has lousy friends…she’s like a nudgie nudge…” said Mirror McT.

“Take a pill Jill. This COMPELLS Kevin to get help for his problem…” said McT trying to avoid the mirror.

“Oh. Okay. We’ll do it your way but I’ll give it my spin McT,” said JFP.

“Should have smacked her when you had the chance…” fussed Mirror McT.

Just then Kamar de los Reyes walked in without his shirt, showing off his gorgeous “too-drool-for” chest.

Everyone stopped to look.

Dim and Gina’s eyes explored every inch of his body.

McT bit her lip, mildly attracted to the young stud.

JFP slobbered all over herself.

“So, ah, I’m ready to tape,” grinned KdlR.

“Guess we got a new matinee idol in the house…” muttered TG.

John Bolger got wicked jealous and took down his mirror. He didn’t want to share with KdlR.

*************************************************************************************************************

Later on that day…

Dim and TDS were taping the last scene of the day. They were in a parking garage. It was tight on the set. The director showed up and yelled, ‘Action!’ The scene began.

RJ opened Botrina’s door, “Did you see Kevin? He made a complete jacka$$ out of himself up there…” said RJ.

Botrina stood next to the car and didn’t get in.

“I think he got upset with us ‘cos we made fun of him. I hope he doesn’t stalk you now…” said Botrina. She looked into RJ’s eyes. It grew quiet between them and they shared a lustful kiss.

“Marry Me,” said RJ.

Before Botrina could answer, a car sped up at them and they jumped out of the way, narrowly missing being hit.

Botrina looked at RJ, “I bet it was Kevin.”

“If it is, he’ll pay…” muttered RJ.

The scene ended.

********************************************************************************************************

It was the end of the day and Dim and Flo were hanging out in their dressing room with TDS, Poisonwood Rosie, and JSS. Flo was packing up her knick-knacks. Everyone was sad.

“Hey, what’s up with RJ’s marriage proposal?” asked JSS kiddingly.

“February sweeps are coming up and you know how Jill likes a good show…” grinned TDS.

“So do Botrina & RJ finally get married?” asked Poisonwood.

“I don’t know,” answered Dim.

“Well, Jill only marries off her FOJ’s,” deadpanned Flo, “Téa’s marriage to Todd was a bust.”

“So Flo, got scoop? Is Téa leaving with her tail tucked between her legs?” asked JSS.

“You could say that…” grinned FL.

“Do you have a final tape date?” asked Poisonwood.

“Not yet,” said Flo.

Just then AngelaB, the trusty and reliable UPS girl arrived on time with a postcard for Flo. Flo read, “It’s good you’re leaving Flo. Come out to LA and audition for some shows. “Now & Again” is always looking for guest actors. Rog. P.S. I miss you too Flo.”

“Rog always has good advice,” said Dim.

Flo packed her postcards in with her knick-knacks, “I miss Rog.”

NEXT:
1. DJ & Dim do their first mail call.
2. PE sets her plan in motion.
3. Jill and the gang gets invited to the Satire Awards. AngelaB delivers the invite.
4. Poisonwood kills rumors
5. JaCk & Gina bond as he takes pictures of her!!
6. Flo got scoop.

This page hosted by Get your own FREE Home Page