Satire - Part 73 - "I've been waiting all my life..."

This is a work of fiction. It is meant to be satirical in nature. Initially published on 08 Oct 1999. This is a Satire Classic.

WHAT HAPPENS:
1. McTavish speaks up!!
2. Diva Hickland tries to out jam Diva Dano.
3. Botrina gets taken hostage and Sykes is made to look like a hero.
4. Jill retires KMC’s Picture Frame in a stylish ceremony.
5. Flo got scoop.

********************************************************************************************************

Dim walked onto the set of the OLTL courtroom dressed in a Botrina Tran Power suit. All ready there was HBS, KB, KMC, JB, RSW, and TDS. George the cameraman got a special UPS delivery from AngelaB, the dependable UPS Girl. He had gone into the spice importing business with natalie who was sending him special spicy spices and alcohol from Mexico including “Blow Your Brains Out Hot Tabasco Sauce” and “Mind Numbing Too-kill-ya.”Currently, he was trying to hock his spices with Poisonwood Rosie in exchange from some autographed voodoo dolls.

The director walked on the set and called everyone to take their place. He yelled ‘Action!’ and the scene began.

Botrina and RJ were walking down the hall in the courtroom.

“So RJ, what grief can we inflict on Sykes this week?” asked Botrina.

“Well, Halloween is coming up…” started RJ.

Just then, Brian Harris came running up behind Botrina and grabbed her arm in an awkward position. He pulled her away from RJ and started yelling like a madman when Bo and Sykes came running up.

“I’ll break her arm! I swear it! I’ll just break it!” yelled Brian.

“Botrina!” screamed RJ.

“Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!” screamed Botrina.

“Don’t come any closer!” screamed Brian.

“Brian Harris!” yelled Sykes, “Break her arm! We don’t care about her! She’s a pain in the a$$!”

“Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!” yelled Botrina.

Bo smacked Sykes upside the head, “Look here duffus – that’s my daughter!”

“Haven’t you heard of reverse psychology?” muttered Sykes. With that he rushed Brian and tackled him. Brian let go of Botrina who ran into RJ’s soothing arms.

Brian kicked Sykes in the gut hurting his winkie and ran into the courtroom to take Nora hostage. Sykes wriggled around on the floor like a little piggie in pain.

The scene ended.

******************************************************************************************************

Later that day…

JFP gathered the cast and crew in the make-up room. Kevin McClatchy was leaving the show and she wanted to give his picture frame a stylish retirement ceremony. All the Picture Frame Boys were there. The Coffeepot Crew showed up. Alyssa the Hairdresser, Melissa the Make-up Chick and George the Cameraman were in attendance. Even CC the Newbie was there matching JFP ciggie for ciggie now that she was on contract. McTavish was there as well with scripts, plots, and pencils stuffed in her back pockets.

“Okay everyone – you know Kevin taped his last scenes this week so I’m going to retire his frame. His run was short but I couldn’t have had a cutier Picture Frame boy…” started Jill dragging on her ciggie.

CC the Newbie dragged on her ciggie.

“Ah-hum!” coughed TG loudly, offended by JFP’s remarks.

“…ah, well, I couldn’t have had a cutier picture frame boy except Tim Gibbs…” continued Jill.

“So Jill, what does that make me?” fussed JB worried over his status.

Jill stammered, “Ah…that makes you my matinee idol picture frame boy…”

Dim turned to Robin Strasser, “Excuse me, I gotta’ find a toilet…”

“You might want to hold off on that Dim,” said RS, “I don’t think we’ve heard the week’s most flush worthy moment just yet.”

“So Kevin, why don’t you say a few words before Jill retires your picture frame?” suggested GT.

KMC walked up to JFP and blushed. He was a shy FOJ, “Ah, I just want to say – I liked working with you Gina and I knew I was stepping into the shoes of Daytime’s most famous rapist, Todd Manning, and I hope I did a good job filling in his shoes.”

Everyone was silent.

Dim whispered to Flo, “Is that all he knows how to spout? JFP’s rhetoric?”

FL just grinned, “Probably.”

RSW patted KMC on the back, “Good speech dude.” He clapped his hands. Everyone else reluctantly did too.

JFP held up KMC’s picture frame and sniffed, “All right. Consider this frame retired. I’ll hang it up on my wall next to Diva Dano.”

“Hey!! Does that mean you won’t put my picture in it?” asked JSS.

“You need to go to the gym a little more often Jason. Buff up those pecs…” said JFP puffing on her ciggie.

CC puffed on her ciggies.

“Hey, where’s the cake?” asked KB, licking his lips at the thought of eating cake.

RC and Diva Dano walked in with a cake, “Here we go guys,” grinned Diva Dano. It had purple frosting on it.

Diva Hickland pouted.

KMC picked up a knife to cut his cake but DJ grabbed it out of his hand. “Dude, let me cut your cake. I just don’t trust you with a knife,” grinned DJ.

“Thanks Dude,” said KMC, “Give the first piece of cake to Jill okay?”

Dim turned to Hill, “Dude isn’t on the payroll anymore so I don’t know why he’s still eating cheese with her.”

Hill rolled her eyes in agreement.

“Hey! Who’s in charge of the damn entertainment?” fussed PC dragging on his stogie.

Diva Hickland’s face lit up and she ran to the CD player and put on her “Simply Broadway” CD.

Diva Dano pouted.

SM turned to Dim, “Think Jill will throw me a big going away like this on my last day?”

“Nah…” said Dim.

“See what Jill did for Bob Krimmer?” said RS crossing her arms.

“What?” asked SM.

“Let’s put it this way,” said Hill to SM, “She didn’t retire his picture frame.”

Nathan Purdee turned to Diva Hickland, “Hey Diva, got any jazz?”

“What’s that?” asked Diva Hickland, “Did I sing that?”

NP nodded his head in disgust.

George the Cameraman and Poisonwood Rosie walked up to Mark Derwin who was passing out the punch. He was good at bartending. CC the Newbie, who had three ciggies hanging out her mouth, was helping him out.

“Will too!” fussed George.

“You won’t!” teased Poisonwood.

“Will too!” fussed George.

“What are you too fussing about?” asked MD.

“Nothing,” said George, “Can I get a glass of punch to take to Jill? I need a few cheese points.”

MD gave George a glass. When nobody was looking he spiked JFP’s drink with his “Mind Numbing Too-kill-ya.”

“You didn’t!” teased Poisonwood.

George grinned, “I did too. Just watch.”

“Kassie! Jim! C’Mere!!” instructed Jill puffing on her ciggies. The DePaivas walked up to JFP.

“You rang?” questioned JdP.

JFP held up their bookie hats, “Here you go. I’m giving you your bookie hats back. Just remember – it’s my line or no line.”

KdP pouted.

JFP grinned and dragged on her ciggies.

Little KA, wearing a really cute jumpsuit, walked up to KdP, “Kassie, how come that lady who looks like Cruella DeVille from 101 Dalmatians is always smoking?”

KdP shrugged her shoulders.

Little KA looked at JFP and tugged on her skirt. JFP looked down at the little girl.

“Do I know you?” asked JFP.

“You shouldn’t smoke all those ciggies. They’re bad for you…” said KA sweetly.

JFP looked flabbergasted, “Is there an attic around here?!” she yelled.

PE walked up to DF who was gabbing with ET and JSS.

“Dave, guess what! I just got McT’s new script. Renee and Cris have a big time flirt scene next week. She’s taking our request for more Renee and Cris scenes seriously!” grinned PE holding up a script.

“I better go work out at the gym then!” said DF all worried about his studly body.

“You mean McT finally spoke?” asked ET in shock.

Diva Dano went to another CD player and put on her CD. The divas tries to out jam each other. PC walked up the jamming divas.

“Give it a rest will ya? You’re both yelping off-key!” he fussed.

Erika Slezak was standing next to CC the Newbie who was puffing hard on Poisonwood’s herbal stash. ES couldn’t help but inhale the mood altering smoke. She walked up to JFP who was smoking just regular ciggies.

“Jill,” said ES, “I’ve been waiting all my life for an EP to come along and take care of everything.”

“Thank you Erika,” grinned JFP. George gave her his spiked drink and she drank it down to the last drop.

The DePaivas walked up to Dim’s crew, “Hey guys we’re taking bets on whether or not McT is going to speak today.”

“That’s a sucker bet,” said Dim, “I’ll get her to say something.”

“5 to 1 odds,” said KdP.

“Go girl go!” chanted RS, FL, and SM.

Dim walked up to McT who was sitting down writing down plot points.

“McT, I got a bet riding on this. 5 to 1 odds. So speak okay…” said Dim.

McT looked up and grunted.

“C’Mon McT speak!” pouted Dim, “What’s Botrina up to next?”

“Ummm…” said McT.

“Pi$$ me off McT and I’ll blow up your office too,” said Dim.

McT looked petrified, “I’ve heard about you Dim. I’ll do my best not to pi$$ you off.”

Dim grinned, “Thank you McT.”

Just then JFP walked up to McT, “Hey McT…” slurred JFP, “Isa got sommmme stories ideas….Make Sykes a stalker…Havesa Bo and Nora get back togethers and makes them haves lots of meaningless gratuitous sex…and kill all the Rappaports in a tragic bussss accident…”

“Those are great ideas!” exclaimed McT.

Dim looked shocked, “What happened to Jill?”

George and Poisonwood grinned, “We oughta give her that "Mind Numbing Too-Kill-Ya" stuff more often.”

TDS walked up to Flo, “So Flo, got scoop?”

Flo grinned, “Téa knows all about RJ’s dirty tricks…”

TDS pouted, “Yeah, but RJ knows all of Téa’s dirty secrets…”

FL and TDS looked at each other and laughed.

Just then AngelaB delivered Flo a postcard. Flo read, “Dear Flo, Cheer up!! Things will get better soon. Hehehe….Rog. P.S. I miss you too Flo.”

Flo sighed, “I miss you too Rog.”

NEXT:
1. Dim is forced to go on the View.
2. Poisonwood kills rumors.
3. Sykes sheds the Hawaiian shirts.
4. Flo got scoop.

This page hosted by Get your own FREE Home Page