Satire - Part 68 - "THIS IS MY SUBLIMINAL PODDING MACHINE..."

This is a work of fiction. It is meant to be satirical in nature. . Initially published on 03 Sep 1999.

WHAT HAPPENS:
1. Botrina and RJ stick to Sykes yet again.
2. Make-up room gossip. Will CC tell all about her date with SEW?
3. The Divas get dirty as they sling the MUD.
4. TDS got scoop.

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Dim, CC the Newbie, RS, SM, and HBS were hanging around the coffeepot, drinking coffee with their personalized mugs.

“How was your vacation Hill?” asked SM, “The dressing room was quiet without you.”

“It was great,” grinned Hill, “I didn’t have to use my chapstick once.” SM popped a cough drop, “Cool, Hill.”

“What’s up with the cough drop, Sue?” asked CC.

“Dim tapped into Flo’s stash for me after this week’s mushfest with Kevin…” said SM.

“Well guys, I got McTavish’s first script. No levitation yet,” grinned Dim.

“So what do you guys think of the new FOJ, Kevin McClatchy?” asked RS sipping her coffee. Her mug said, “This is Dorian’s Mug. Don’t screw with it or I’ll make you think you’re crazy!”

“He’s cute for an FOJ,” said CC.

“He’s got Tim and John beat,” said Dim.

“Man! I wish I had a love scene with him,” grinned Sue.

Hill grinned, “At least he doesn’t lick his lips.”

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Meanwhile, in JFP’s office…

JFP was sucking back three ciggies surrounded by her 10 rules of good soap opera by Douglas Marland wallpaper finally catching up on some polishing she had been neglecting. In walked JB, TG, KB, KMC, and reluctantly following behind them was MD.

“Jill, what’s up?” asked KB sitting down on her desk.

“I’ve got this great idea Kale. I‘m going to put subliminal messages into the show and pod the viewers that way. I can see it now – DeeDee will write in that she loves Sykes. Jilly and Anna will love how Sam licks his lips. All those TnT fans will stop writing in about getting Todd back because I’ll make ‘em all forget all about Todd…” said JFP stopping to puff on her ciggies.

“Great idea Jill!” grinned JB and KB.

“By the way Kale, can you hook up the intercom? I feel like listening to some of my classics…” said Jill brasso’ing TG’s picture frame.

“Sure Jill,” grinned KB, “Can you pod the viewers into liking Sam and Nora? I just love working with Hill.”

“Okay,” said Jill.

“And pod them into liking Kevin…” grinned TG, “By the way, good job on my picture frame. I’m glad to see you taking care of it again.”

“Thanks Tim. Sure, I’ll do that too…” quipped Jill.

“Hey, can you pod them into thinking Brian and Kelly are hot?” smiled KMC, “I sure do think that Gina is cool.”

“Yeah,” said Jill putting down TG’s frame and picking up JB’s.

“Jill, I think it’s a great idea! You can finally pod the viewers into accepting me for the Matinee Idol I am!” exclaimed JB.

“I know,” grinned Jill, “By the way, I picked up some new clothes for you John. I got them at the local thrift store since I ran out of funds. I figured your wardrobe should be updated.” She pointed to a chair in the corner. There were a bunch of polyester Hawaiian shirts.

“You guys are warped…” muttered MD.

“Hawaiian shirts?” said JB, “You sure?”

“Sure. They’ll show off your man-breasts. It’ll remind the viewers of Jack Lord from Hawaii 5-0 and he was HOT,” said Jill puffing on her ciggies.

“But Jill, I don’t think he wore shirts like that,” said JB.

“Whatever,” said Jill smiling.

“I’ve fixed it!” yelled KB. Twilight Zone music filled the office.

“Ah Jill, so how are you going to put these subliminal messages in the show?” asked MD not believing she was serious.

Jill put JB’s picture down and took Diva Dano’s picture off the wall revealing a hidden safe. She opened the safe and pulled out her subliminal message podding machine.

“With this. This is my subliminal message podding machine. In fact John, I want you to bring it to the set when you tape today,” cackled Jill puffing on her ciggies.

MD rolled his eyes. He couldn’t believe the stupidity.

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Later on that day…

Dim walked onto the Stables set dressed in a riding suit. JB, Diva Dano, Diva Hickland, TDS, and RC were also on the set. JB strategically placed JFP’s podding machine on the set near George the Cameraman. The director walked in and yelled ‘Action!’ and the scene began.

Skye and Botrina walked into the stables. They were going riding. As they walked in, there was Lindsay, dressed in a riding suit fixing to get up on one of the horses.

Botrina crossed her arms, “Lindsay? What makes you think you can ride Buchanan horses?”

“Well, I am sleeping with your father who is a Buchanan,” grinned Lindsay.

Botrina turned to Skye, “I don’t who was worse – Nora or Lindsay…”

“Lindsay…trust me…” said Skye crossing her arms.

Just then RJ rushed in, “Trina! You’re driving me crazy! There’s a rapist on the loose. I don’t want you by yourself…”

“RJ follows you around like a lapdog…” grinned Lindsay taunting Botrina. RJ sneered.

Botrina turned to Skye, “Who – namely Lindsay, follows who – namely my father, Bo – around like a lapdog?”

Just then Sykes walked in followed by Rae.

Skye turned around, “What are you two doing here?” She asked putting her hands on her hips.

“I heard the rapist was in the area…” fussed Sykes looking at RJ.

“It figures. I’m always the prime suspect…” said RJ rolling his eyes.

“Speaking of lapdogs Sykes, why is Rae following you around? You two new best friends now?” asked RJ crossing his arms, “Now that Téa’s dumped you?”

“Hey Rae, need some cough drops?” asked Botrina.

“Cough drops?” asked Rae. She was holding a bunch of love letters.

“I’ve got some pink ones you can have…” grinned Lindsay walking up to Rae.

“Got any purple ones? I like purple,” said Rae through her teeth.

“Pink!”

“Purple!”

“Uh-oh…” said Botrina looking at Skye.

Just then Lindsay lunged at Rae and they tumbled into a pile of mud.

“You just can’t take Lindsay anywhere. She’s always making a mess,” said Botrina.

Botrina, Skye and RJ giggled.

“Sykes why don’t you help those would-be divas outta’ the mud,” suggested RJ.

Sykes ran his fingers through his rug, “That’s a good idea.”

Sykes leaned over to help Lindsay and Rae and Botrina stuck out her foot. Sykes tripped and fell in the mud. All three of them looked little piggies.

“Pink!” yelled Lindsay.

Skye, Botrina and RJ giggled some more.

“Purple!” yelled Rae.

The scene ended.

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The usual suspects, Dim, RS, CC the Newbie, GT, ET, EP, JSS, DJ, DF, Melissa the Make-up chick, and Alyssa the Hairdresser gathered around the make-up room.

“So Don, hear any good rumors?” asked ET.

“Jill got another brand new wardrobe for Sykes,” pouted DJ, “How come he’s always getting new clothes?”

“I heard she’s got ‘em some floral print shirts…” added EP.

“Eweweww…” said GT.

“Excuse me while I gag,” said Dim.

“CC it’s time for you to fess up. How did your date with SEW go?” asked Alyssa while she teased RS’s hair.

CC grinned, “A lady never tells.”

“Didja’ get some?” asked RS candidly.

CC’s eyes grew wide, “Not on the first date!”

“Where did he take you to eat?” asked JSS.

“A…that fancy new restaurant…” muttered CC as she blushed, “Look! That’s it! No more! Just ‘cos I’m a Newbie doesn’t mean you can pump me for info on my dates!”

“Hey did anyone notice that weird piece of machinery next to George today?” asked DF, “What does that do?”

“Maybe we should check it out Robin,” grinned Dim.

“Good idea…” said Robin, “Knowing Jill it could be anything.”

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It was the end of the day. Dim was hanging around her dressing room drinking H2O with JSS, EP, and TDS.

“I think something’s up,” said JSS, “I mean the FOJ’s have been really nice today.”

“I know. Scary,” said Dim, “By the way, did you guys see Sykes in those floral print shirts? That was scary.”

“All the chicken bones in the world couldn’t make Sykes look good in those shirts,” grinned EP.

“So Tim, got scoop?” asked Dim.

“Uuummm…” grinned TDS, “Sykes kisses Rae? Like that one?”

“Nah…try another one…” said JSS.

“Sam licks his lips…” said TDS.

“That one stinks too. How about some RJ scoop…” said Dim.

“RJ scoop? RJ gets a lead on who’s gaslighting Dorian,” said TDS grinning.

“That’s better!” said EP.

Just then there was a knock on the door. JSS opened it. It was AngelaB, The UPS girl.

“Hi guys. I got a postcard,” grinned AngelaB.

Dim stood up, “Flo’s not here. She’s on vacation.”

“It’s for you Dim,” said AngelaB giving her the postcard.

“Cool! Rog sent you a postcard!” said EP.

“Ah, it’s from Flo,” grinned Dim, “Sorry to disappoint you guys.”

“We’re not disappointed. Read it Dim,” said TDS.

Dim read, “Dear Dim, The Caribbean is great and I’ve got this gorgeous tan. Watch out for Jill’s latest trick – you know it’s coming. As soon as I get back, you know I’ll help out. I miss you Dim. Your roomie, Flo.”

“Cool,” said EP, “Flo’s having fun.”

“So, who’s turn is it this week?” asked Dim.

EP grinned, “Mine! Mine! Mine.”

“Go for it,” said TDS.

“I miss Rog,” said EP.

NEXT:
1. MD tells RC about the podding machine.
2. The Divas come up with the same fashion pin design.
3. McT gives Botrina a storyline.
4. TDS got scoop.

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