Satire - Part 57 - "THAT PC HAS SOME GREAT VISION DONTCHA THINK?"

This is a work of fiction. It is meant to be satirical in nature. Initially published on 19 Jun 1999.

WHAT HAPPENS:
1. Diva Hickland and Diva Dano square off over the dressing room.
2. Botrina finds out the results of Matthew’s paternity test and gives ‘em to Bo.
3. Jill gets good news at Mail call. Bad news for fans…
4. Dim and RS get sneaky and “jimmy-rig” PC MacIntyre…
5. Flo got scoop.

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The snoop crew, Dim, RS, CC the newbie, SM with her gun, and FL, had one head on top of the other, peering around the hall’s corner. JB guarded the room that PC MacIntyre was in. CC, SM, and FL, gave each other a thumb’s up and went into action. Dim and RS looked on intently. FL, SM, and CC sauntered up to JB. FL held up a script.

“Oh, John…” she teased.

JB looked at Fl, “What Flo?”

“I need to go over some lines with you,” said FL thumbing through her thin script.

“Hey dude,” said CC, “Did you know your zits make the constellation Orion on your face?”

JB frowned, “Those aren’t zits. It’s an allergic hive reaction to something…”

SM made a face, “Poor you…”

“What do you say John? We can hang out in your dressing room…” added FL faking a grin. She certainly wasn’t going to let him hang out in her dressing room.

JB’s face lit up, “Really? But, ah, I have to guard PC…”

“Don’t worry,” said CC crossing her arms, “Me and Sue got you covered…”

JB foamed at the mouth, “O.k. Flo.” He walked down the hall with FL leaving CC and SM to guard PC. RS and Dim tip toed down the hall and CC and SM opened the door letting Dim and RS inside. Dim and RS fiddled with PC’s keyboard, grinned, and snuck back out.

***********************************************************************************************************

JB, Dim, CC the newbie, RSW, KB, HBS, CH, and TDS were on the Llanview General hospital set. Dim was dressed in her power suit. KB was licking his lips. HBS wiped out the chapstick. The director walked in and said ‘Action!’. The scene began.

Bo, Sam, and Nora paced the halls of the hospital waiting for Matthew’s paternity results to be revealed.

Botrina was dissing the dirt with the nurse at the counter. RJ was trying to get the scoop on Jessica. Sophia, Botrina’s cousin, walked up to Botrina holding some medical looking paper.

“Look what I got Botrina,” said Sophia holding up a paper. It was Matthew’s paternity results. RJ frowned.

“Not cool,” said RJ. He grabbed the paper and crossed something out, “There. More like it.”

Botrina grinned.

Sam, Bo, and Nora continued to pace.

Lindsay looked over RJ’s shoulder and grabbed the paper, “Can’t have that,” said Lindsay. She crossed something out and grinned, “That’s better.”

Sam, Bo, and Nora continued to pace.

Botrina grabbed the paper from Lindsay.

“Not cool Lindsay,” said Botrina crossing something out, “My Dad is going to be happy no matter what.”

Sam, Bo, and Nora continued to pace.

Sykes walked up behind Botrina, RJ, Lindsay and Sophia and looked at them disapprovingly, “Causing trouble?” asked Sykes looking at the unruly gang.

Lindsay, Botrina, RJ, and Sophia leered at Sykes.

Sykes grabbed the paper out of Botrina’s hand, crossed something out and in a goody two shoes tone of voice said, “Oh, Bo…I found those paternity results…”

“Hey Sykes, your face looks like the whole zodiac now. What happened?” asked Sophia sarcastically putting her hands on her hips.

Sykes leered at Sophia.

“Oh no…” muttered Bo.

Nora bit her lip.

Sam grinned with glee, “Bo,” he said all masculine like, “I’m Matthew’s real dad.”

Botrina walked up to sad Bo and gave him a hug, “I’ll always be your daughter Dad.”

Bo gave Botrina a big hug.

The scene ended.

****************************************************************************************************** “Hey you! Stud!” yelled Diva Dano at JSS and DF.

They stopped dead in their tracks.

“Which one?” asked JSS and DF in stereo.

Diva Dano pointed to DF, “You. Carry my paint.”

DF dropped the mailbag and took the paint.

RS and Dim looked shocked.

Just then Diva Hickland walked down the halls and thrust two cans of her “Ralph Lauren” pink paint at JSS. He dropped his mailbag and took her paint.

“Pink,” said Diva Hickland firmly.

“Purple,” said Diva Dano.

“Pink!”

“Purple!”

“Look,” said Dim, “Just flip a coin and the winner gets to paint the room the color they want.”

“Sounds fair,” said Diva Hickland.

“Oh, all right,” said Diva Dano.

RS flipped a coin.

“Heads,” said Diva Hickland.

The coin landed and flipped and flipped and flipped…

“Heads,” said RS.

Diva Hickland grinned.

RS and Dim dragged the mailbags into JFP’s office.

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JFP looked up from her desk, a ciggie hanging from her mouth as she furiously wrote on her snickers wrappers, transcribing emails from PC MacIntyre, “Give it to me straight girls,” said JFP standing up.

“Well, there’s a lots of mail…” started RS, “You want the good or the bad first?”

“Whatever,” said JFP dragging on her ciggies.

“Well, fans are complaining that they never see their favorite characters at work…” said Dim, “Like Ben. What does he do? He’s like Viki’s personal set decoration. He’s just another ornament like Téa, writes one fan.”

“Work? I thought the fans wanted to see more romance?! Now they want work?” pouted JFP, “Fans don’t know what they want.”

“On the plus side, a majority of fans enjoyed the Téa/Starr scenes this week,” added RS.

JFP scratched her head, “Oh. I didn’t know there was a Téa and Starr scene this week.”

“Fans are upset because they want a competent headwriter on the show…” added RS.

JFP dragged on her ciggie, “Competent? I don’t think you can get more competent than a computer…”

Dim opened some more mail and looked at RS. They sighed and just then looked at Jill, “Jill, this will just make your day.”

“Goody. Tell all,” grinned Jill like a Cheshire cat.

“The show was number one in the demos for the second week in a row…” said RS and Dim glumly.

JFP light another ciggie and did another happy dance on her desk. RS and Dim looked on in disgust.

Just then her intercom rang.

“Jill…it’s Pete, Gill and Dick…we got some strange emails from PC about some upcoming plots that conflict with your vision…can we come up and talk about it?”

“Sure,” said Jill wrinkling her brow.

RS and Dim looked at each other in mild surprise.

Just then, Douglas Marland’s “10 Soap commandments” came over the intercom. RS and Dim grinned.

“Boy, that’s annoying,” said Jill dragging on her ciggie and pounding the intercom on her desk to get it to shut up.

“Know the history of the show...”

Jill banged the intercom harder, “Shut up! D@mn it!”

“Build new characters slowly...” continued the intercom.

Finally Jill took the intercom, threw it across the room and proceeded to stomp on it while she smoked her ciggie. It sputtered and died.

“You know Jill,” said RS crossing her arms, “You keep smoking all those ciggies you might get emphysema and die. You should try some alternative stuff. I teach yoga…”

Jill glared at RS.

Just then, AngelaB, the UPS girl showed up and dropped off a poster to Jill and that JaCk made. Jill unrolled it and looked at it. A big grin crossed her face as her face changed from being pi$$ed to being happy. She showed the poster to RS and Dim.

“I love it!” exclaimed Jill, “I’m going to put it in the receptionist’s office as you first walk in.”

RS and Dim gagged. It was Syko’s “Psycho collage.”

Just then HL, GS, and RB walked in. Jill reached for her phone and told TG to come to her office since her intercom was broke.

“So, Harding, Gill, Dick…what’s up?” asked JFP lighting yet another ciggie.

RS and Dim bit their lips.

“Well, we got an email from PC saying that Asa’s long lost son was going to be Dr. Lange…” said HL.

“Huh?” said JFP raising an eyebrow, surprised.

“And Téa kills Sykes after they breakup and he stalks her…” added GL.

“That’s definitely not in the script,” said JFP putting her hands on her hips.

“Plus, Cris and Renee have a RED hot affair…” added RB, “And Botrina presents the AIDS quilt of compassion to the mayor…”

“That PC has great vision, don’tcha think?” asked RS and Dim.

JFP dragged on her ciggie and looked at RS and Dim, “So you two have been dicking around with the PC, huh?”

“Who, us?” asked RS and dim in a guilty tone of voice.

TG showed up, “You rang?”

JFP paused and shifted gears, giving TG her “syko” collage, “Put this up in the main lobby so when everyone walks in they can see it.”

TG left.

JFP turned to RS and Dim, “That’s it you two! It’s time you gave some press… and I know how much you love doing press…”

RS and Dim groaned.

***************************************************************************************************************

It was the end of the day. Flo and Dim were drinking H20 and hanging out with JSS, EP, and TDS in their dressing room.

“Did you guys see John Bolger’s face? He’s broken out in hives all over…” said Dim surprised.

“Poor guy,” said JSS sympathetically.

TDS grinned, “Best part is he thinks he’s allergic to your new shampoo, Flo…” said TDS.

“Why?” asked FL.

JSS sniffed FL’s hair, “Maybe because it smells like strawberries…”

FL just grinned.

“Well, I’m sure his allergic reaction will clear up soon…” said Dim sweetly, “Besides I wonder how he is around WATERMELON?”

“So, Flo, got scoop?” asked EP.

FL grinned, “I just found out Todd is in Switzerland…”

Just then AngelaB dropped off a postcard for FL. She also dropped off some flowers. FL held the flowers and read, “Flo, caught your play. You were great as usual - as the greedy, manipulative, money hungry record exec. Wonderful Vision! I got you some flowers just in case Jill didn’t. Rog. P.S. I miss you too Flo.”

“How sweet,” said Dim and EP melting like piles of mush.

Flo sighed, “I miss Rog…”

NEXT:
1. Dim does press. Guest staring JR and Liz2.
2. JB loses a bet to little Kristen Alderson and Ryan Marsini and has to carry around a watermelon all day.
3. JFP gets concerned when PC starts sending out even “weirder” email…
4. Botrina and Sophia cause trouble.
5. Flo got scoop.